How To Show Your Kids You Love Them Without Using Your Words

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We all love our kids. From the moment they are born we swear that we will do everything in our power to protect them and give them a good life. But sometimes it’s hard to know how to show your kids you love them other than by telling them so.

Unfortunately, our lives and our lived experiences can get in the way and we don ‘ t always do the best we can by our kids.

There are a few things that we can do, every day, that will let our kids know that we love them, even if it isn ‘ t that obvious to them.

#1 – Listen to them.

When my kids were growing up they and all of their friends spent a ton of time at our house. I always thought it was because of my amazing chocolate chip cookies but I have since learned that they liked to spend time there because I actually listened to them.

Our kids have a lot to say but we often don ‘ t listen. We are so caught up in our own lives and our own assumptions about what they are saying that we don ‘ t actually LISTEN to the words that come out of their mouths.

Yes, a lot of nothing can come out of our kid’s mouths but if you aren ‘ t truly listening you could miss that little morsel, the thing that comes out that shouldn ‘ t be ignored.

So put down your phone and listen to your kids. Today.

#2 – Let them be kids.

Remember when we were young? Our parents used to send us out the back door after breakfast and tell us not to come home until luncheon. We used to walk to school. We used to have play dates in the afternoon. We got dirty and made messes and had a whole lot of fun.

Today ‘ s kids are over protected and over scheduled. As a result they are stressed out little versions of their parents. And they become stressed out adults soon after.

Give your kids some space and some time. Let them know what it is like to have nothing to do and time to fill. Let them bike to a friend ‘ s house so they don ‘ t live in fear. Let them scrape their knee and get up and keep on playing.

Being an adult is really hard. Let them be kids for as long as you can.

#3 – Be the grown up.

One thing I see more than anything in my work is parents who act like children around their children.

What do I mean by this?

I have a client whose child is very difficult. She is rude and acts out and is generally very hard to be around. Instead of understanding that her child is really struggling in the world, my client takes her child ‘ s behavior personally. Instead of recognizing, with her adult brain, that her child is struggling and needs her support, she snaps back in the same way she was just snapped at.

All of this snapping just makes the situation worse. And her child has learned that she can ‘ t rely on her mother to help or support her in any way.

Imagine if, instead, my client was able to react to her daughter’s behavior in a less personal manner. If she stayed calm and empathized and listened and hugged. Instead of ratcheting up her daughter’s behavior, she was able to soothe it and calm her. How much better would that be for everyone?

So be the grown up. Know that your child is young and inexperienced and needs a guiding hand. The guiding hand of their parent.

#4 – Embrace your kids’ dreams.

Soon after I graduated from college my father took me shopping for job interview clothing. We bought a fabulous suit (this was the 80 ‘ s) and then went out for lunch.

Halfway through our bottle of wine, I was prattling on about the dream I had about my life. The exciting things that I would do. I was young and the world was my oyster.

What did my dad say in response to my dreams? I think you are going to have a really average life. That is what my dad said.

35 years later I still remember what he said that day. And I would be lying if what he said doesn ‘ t reverberate in my head with every new life choice I make, if the words that my father said to me didn’t affect my belief in myself.

So embrace your kids’ dreams. Even if they seem out of reach to your adult mind, encourage them to dream. To want to make the most out of their life. Knowing they have their parents support is the best motivator any kid could have.

#5 – Make your kids the priority.

One thing that my kids know, and have always known, is that if they need me I will move heaven and earth to be there for them.

At times making them a priority has interfered with my life. I stayed home with them instead of pursuing a career so that they would always know I would be there for them. I neglected my marriage so that I could be there for them. I have walked away from men who weren ‘ t a good fit with my kids for them.

But I know that in this scary, scary world my kids know, to their very core, that they have one person they can always rely on to be there for them. And as a result they feel safe.

What a gift that is. To always feel safe.

Of course you love your kids. Even the most absent parent still loves their kids. But the single most important, most formative relationship one has in one ‘ s life is the relationship with a parent. Treat it that way.

So show you kids your love them in more ways than one. Listen to them, let them be kids, support them and prioritize them. If you do so you will set them up to be happy, healthy, well adjusted and fully loved grown ups. And what a gift that will be.

Oh. One more thing. Buy them a bike. Every kid needs a bike ‘ ¦.

 

 

5 Things To Stop Doing If You Are Battling Depression

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Are you feeling hopeless and full of despair? Do you question everything about the life you are living? Your career or your relationships? Is the prospect of taking even one step out the door just more than you can bear right now?

If you said yes to any or all of these questions you are most likely depressed. And being depressed sucks.

I know. I have lived with depression for 52 years.

Depression can be a chemical imbalance in your body but it can also be the result of something going on in your life. Either way, there are things to stop doing if you are battling depression.

#1 – Stop lying around!

The number one symptom of depression is the inability to get out of bed. The number on thing to stop doing if you are battling depression is to get out of bed.

The comfort of our cozy beds, and the escape of sleep, is hard to resist when we are struggling with depression. We are super-comfortable and in our beds we don ‘ t have to deal with anything. And our dreams are far better than our realities.

Even so, GET OUT OF BED.

The problem with staying in bed is that ruminating on how bad you are feeling is the worst way to deal with depression. And that is what you will do during your awake times. Also, the more time you spend in bed the less energy you will have to deal with life and your emotions when you have to.

So, do what you can to make your bed a less appealing place. Take your mattress off its box spring and lean it against the wall. Remove your sheets and comforter first thing in the morning. Keep your window shades open and your room bright. What ever it takes to get you out of bed and keep you out.

#2 – Stop beating yourself up.

Being depressed is NOT YOUR FAULT.

Whether you are chemically depressed or depressed because of a life situation, your depression is not your fault. Your depression is directly caused by something out of your control.

Blaming yourself for your depression, and beating yourself up about it, will only intensify the depth and length of your sadness.

So take a moment and consider the reason why you are feeling depressed. Is it because your boyfriend broke up with you or is it something that just happens to you sometimes?

Either way, it ‘ s not your fault. So let the blame go.

#3 – Stop drinking and doing drugs.

I know. Drinking and drugs will make your depression magically disappear. A night out with the girls, with some wine and dancing, will make you feel like 100 bucks.

And then, the next morning, you will feel more depressed than ever. Probably even worse.

Alcohol and drugs are depressants – they cause depression. So avoid them at all costs.

Try ice cream instead!

Looking for help dealing with your depression? Reach out and I can help!

#4 – Stop isolating yourself.

Yes, the tendency to stay home, in our beds, watching Netflix and ruminating about how horrible our lives are is very tempting when we are depressed. But DON ‘ T DO IT.

Getting out of the house and doing things is the key to managing your depression. Actually doing something, like taking a hike or going to the grocery store, will go a long way towards alleviating your depression, even if only for a bit.

Interacting with people while doing something is even better. Spending time with others, smiling, talking, sharing, is a very effective way to ease your depression. The act of smiling has actually been proven to ease sadness. Being with people will take your mind off of how sad you are which can be a huge relief.

So, after the next NetFlix episode, make a plan and get out there and do something. It doesn ‘ t have to be anything big but do something.

Don ‘ t let that depression get the best of you!

#5 – Stop being silent.

For many of us, being depressed is an embarrassing thing. Society has imposed such a stigma on depression that people are hesitant to share when they are feeling sad.

Share away. Talk to a friend, a relative, your doctor. Tell them how you are feeling. Don ‘ t expect them to fix you but do let them know that you are struggling with your feelings right now.

Sharing emotions is an excellent way to manage them. Sharing allows an energetic release from the body and it gives you an opportunity to have others help and support you.

So don ‘ t be embarrassed by how you are feeling. It is not your fault. Reach out to friends for love and support. You will be glad you did.

Depression is a horrible thing to have to manage. For me it feels like I am carrying around a 100lb gorilla on my back. Even taking one step seems like more than I can bear.

If you are looking for things to stop doing if you are battling depression, listen to me. I know that if I do take that step, if I get out of bed, take care of myself and interact with people, that 100lb gorilla will get lighter, that I will get some relief.

So do it. GET OUT OF BED NOW and get started!

Are you struggling with depression?
I know it’s really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

6 SHOCKING Things Men Want From Women, As Told When I Asked

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Recently I asked a number of male friends what things men want from women, other than tons of sex. Without exception, they precluded their responses with If the answer can ‘ t be about sex then I want ‘ ¦.

Their answers surprised me so I am sharing them with you.

#1 – No sex is okay.

Interestingly, while lots of sex was theme for all of the guys, the option of NO sex was important as well.

Men love to have sex but they also want to feel confident that they can tell their partner that they can ‘ t or don ‘ t want to have sex and that it will be okay.

While to us women that might seem like not a big deal, to many men it is because so much of their identity is tied up in their sexuality.

So accept that sometimes your man can just say NO. Perhaps he will rub your feet instead ‘ ¦

#2 – Cease the Mission Creep.

Mission Creep? This is a term that I had never heard of before but all of my guys knew exactly what it was when I asked them.

The definition of Mission Creep: a gradual shift in objectives during the course of a military campaign, often resulting in an unplanned long-term commitment.

As applied to relationships, mission creep points to the shift that happens over time where a man is obliged to do whatever his woman wants. Dinner with her parents instead of a night out with the guys. Hanging out with her friends instead of his because she thinks they are bozos. No more martinis because they make him act stupid.

Rules. Rules that didn ‘ t exist at the start of the relationship but crept in slowly.

The solution, as suggested by a man: 1. Manage the mission creep so that you are both happy with how things are going. 2. Give your man one weekend a month where he can do anything he wants (mostly).

Be honest with yourself. Is there mission creep in your relationship? If so, make a plan to change!

#3 – Remind him that he is special.

Our lives are chaotic, jam-packed and exhausting. At the end of the day who wants to put out any more energy than is necessary?

But think about it. Think about how amazing it would feel for your partner to bring you flowers or plan a night out or tell you that you are beautiful. Pretty amazing, right?

So do the same for your partner. One guy’s idea: Plan a weekend away. Arrange and pay for the room. Schedule something that I would want to do with you. Make it special for him.

Another guy said: Ask if I would like a beer. Or if I would like to sit and watch a movie with them. Or make me something to eat. Something that shows they are tuned into the smaller things in life that make me happy.

You get the idea. Run with it!

Want to talk more about men and relationships? Let’s do it!

#4 – Let him be friends with girls.

This one is straightforward. Your guy had girl friends before you met him. They were his friends and he never slept with them or wanted a romantic relationship with them because they were his FRIENDS.

Why, if he is in a happy, committed relationship with you, would he want anything more from them now?

So trust him. Let him be friends with girls. You like being friends with girls because they are fun and willing to go deep and be thoughtful. Let him have girl friends who he can be himself with, where he has nothing to prove.

#5 – Think before you react.

One of my guys, one who I thought was not the kind of guy to do what he suggested, said the following:

Take a minute or two of contemplation to respond to a comment that might strike them as negative and discuss their feelings rather than jump to conclusions which get internalized.

This makes sense. And it ‘ s incredibly difficult. To try to pause before you react, to understand where his statement is coming from so you can respond in a way that is productive and respectful.

Good advice. I was obviously wrong about this guy.

He finished the text with: then agree to get laid like the world is ending.

#6 – Walk around naked, dammit.

This guy’s response was so perfect that I am going to let him say it.

It ‘ s that simple. Walk around naked. And if it feels better to walk around in your underpants or underwear, then okay, a little mystery is good too.

Need the garden edged? Prune the apple trees? Just call me when you’re wearing little-to-nothing.

We like your dimples, your rumples and, no matter what you might think, we find all of you sexy.

Okay…so that’s pretty simple. Get naked. Just as simple as taking off a few clothes when you do chores or hang out on the porch in your bikini. Yeah, that polka dot one….we LOVE it.

And it ‘ s really not about sex. We just love you naked. You know that old joke: How to please a woman? A very long list follows. Flowers, dinner reservations, pay attention, listen, etc….How to please a man: show up naked, bring beer.

Enough said.

We all, men and women both, love being in a relationship. And we women usually know exactly what we want and our men do their best to provide those things for us.

But, so things don ‘ t get lopsided, it ‘ s important that we women know the things that men want from women.

So pay attention. Listen to what your guys wants and do it! See what happens.

I am guessing you will be happy you did….

Do youwantto know more about men and what they want in relationships?
Let me help you before not knowing damages your relationship!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

5 Super Effective Ways to Survive a Broken Heart

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I remember so well the first time I needed effective ways to survive a broken heart.

It was 9th grade and Bobby Fortunato, the guy of my dreams, had just broken up with me. We had been going out for two whole weeks. My mom took pity on me and let me stay home in bed and eat jello. I remember it like it was yesterday.

Truly, there might be nothing worse than a broken heart. The pain, both in your heart and in your head, is almost unbearable. The end of a relationship is like a death ‘ ¦ you grieve for your loss and you feel a huge emptiness, one that you are sure you will never again be able to fill.

I am here to tell you there are ways to get through your grief not only intact but even better than you were before.

#1 – Shut down the pain.

Most likely your body is in physical pain, the result of psychological suffering. And the most likely center point of that pain is your stomach. The pain is sharp and relentless and makes you feel like you are going to die. That pain is from anxiety. Anxiety that you are less than, that you will never love again, that you will be alone, that you are unlovable.

That pain comes directly from your brain, from your thoughts. Not so helpful, right? There are two ways to deal with that pain.

The first: talk back to that brain of yours.

Tell it that it is being ridiculous. That you are amazing, that this loss will only create new opportunities, that you aren ‘ t now, nor ever will you be, alone. It ‘ s not easy but you can do it.

Say those words OUT LOUD. Speaking words out loud, instead of keeping them in our head, releases the words into the world energetically which makes them more powerful.

Try it. It’s true.

The second: remember to breathe.

Big deep breaths that go down to your belly. Breathe in for 3 seconds and out for 4. This kind of breathing will actually calm the stress response in your body, ease your stomach pain and help clear your head. Repeat as necessary.

#2 – Manage your media.

This is a key element in grief management. You have music, you have video, you have social media. USE THEM FOR GOOD. They will get you out of your head and inspire you to be powerful.

I make a playlist when I am going through hard times. The songs are about empowerment, about survival, about living life fully. They go on my I-phone and then get played in my car as I go about my day. And yes, I sing along. Loudly.

Movies work the same way. There are so many movies out there about overcoming the odds, getting through hard times and emerging better than before. Find them. Watch them. Be inspired by them. Even cry with them (yes, crying is okay. even good. sometimes great. but don ‘ t wallow).

Be careful with social media. Yes, it is a great tool for feeling connected and distracted but if you have a tendency to stalk, and it causes you pain, then tread lightly. YouTube might be better than Facebook ‘ ¦or so my teenage daughter tells me.

#3 – Do Good.

Nothing feels better than helping out someone in need.

Helping out someone else while you are at your lowest feels even better, believe it or not. When you are grieving it is really easy to turn inside yourself, to feel like you are in the worst place a person could be. And while where you are does suck, there are others out there who are as just as bad off or worse. And by helping them you are also helping yourself.

There are plenty of ways to help out. You can help an elderly neighbor mow their lawn, you can volunteer at a library and help children learn to read. Hospitals are always in need of people to help in a variety of capacities. I worked in palliative care for a while. Boy, did that give me some perspective and appreciation of the life I was living.

Pick one. Do it. See how good it makes you feel and make someone else feel better in the process.

Want to talk more about fixing your broken heart? Let’s do it!

#4 – Get hot.

Yes, you read that right. Get hot.

Exercise is one of the best ways to manage grief. During exercise your body produces endorphins and endorphins actually make you feel better.

And, as a side benefit, exercise also gets you in shape. Imagine having the body that you have always wanted – you know what body I am talking about. Now is the time to get it.

Start exercising to help manage your grief and use it to get in great shape and to feel better about yourself. And, while it ‘ s not about revenge, let your ex eat his heart out when next he sees you!

#5 – Don’t stop believing in love.

Yes, right now your heart is broken. You just can ‘ t imagine being able to get through this day or the next. You know that you will never love or be loved again. Sigh.

No! You have to believe. You have to believe that your great love is out there. That you are more than a little loveable and that what you are going through is only temporary. Think about what you want and work on truly believing that you will get it. And then take the steps to do so.

You can do it! And, if you are feeling hot and full of self confidence from all that exercise and surviving your grief, imagine what that special someone will think when they first lay eyes on you. WOW! Now that ‘ s a great place for your pesky brain to go, don ‘ t you think?

Your world seems like it is over but it ‘ s not.

Use my effective ways to survive a broken heart will not only get through today and tomorrow in one piece but you will build the strength of body and character that will ultimately help you achieve your dreams and find the love of your life.

If you have read this far you must really trying to get over a broken heart.

Let me help you, NOW, so that you can start moving forward with your life!

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

5 Questions to Ask Yourself If You are Unhappy

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Being unhappy is horrible. It can take over your life and suck all that is good and joyful out of it. None of us want to be unhappy but many of us are.

One thing many of us don ‘ t ask ourselves is why we are unhappy. We have a vague understanding that our lives are not what we hoped they would be but we don ‘ t know specifically why.

In an effort to help you identify what specifically is making you unhappy I have five questions for you. Answer them in terms of your own life and you will get the answers you are looking for.

#1 – Are you proud of the choices you are making?

All of us having internal guiding principles that are important to us, things like the importance of trust or honesty or loyalty. These guiding principles light our path to living our best life but unfortunately they can get lost as life happens.

Do you know what your guiding principles are and are your living them?

I have a client who was having an affair with a married man. He made her deliriously happy, or so she told herself. But still she didn ‘ t feel good about her life and she didn ‘ t know why.

I asked her what her guiding principles were – what was most important to her in a relationship?

After some thought and discussion she realized that the truth was of paramount importance to her. And that nothing about her relationship with the married man was based on truth.

‘ Are you able to live with that? ‘ I asked. ‘ And be happy? ‘

The answer was no and she soon moved on. On into a relationship that was based on truth and trust and she is happy.

#2 – Is your relationship making your heart sing?

Our romantic relationships are very important, more important than many of us recognize.

In this modern world we are told that we should be able to take care of ourselves and that to rely on another to bring us some happiness is a sign of weakness.

But this just simply is not true.

Happy committed relationships provide much that is essential to human survival: commitment, communication, touch, sharing, sex, support, laughter, joy, sex. When we have those things our lives are fuller, we are satisfied, we are loved. Other things can bring us down but the foundation of a good relationship helps us when we founder.

Being in a relationship isn ‘ t necessary for happiness but being in a relationship that is toxic puts you on the surest path to being unhappy.

I have a client whose husband was always one of two things: absent or drunk. She wasn ‘ t sure which was worse – his not being in the house or being drunk when he was. What she did know was that it was making her miserable. She was always hoping that things would change but they never did. She was alone in her marriage.

And the rest of her life? It foundered. Her parenting suffered, she stopped eating well and exercising and gained 20 pounds, her work was neglected and her crabbiness made her friends stay away.

What did she do? After much deliberation and overcoming lots of fear, she asked him to stay absent and she is fighting her way back to herself, on the path to living the life of her dreams.

#3 – Do you make a difference in the world?

I know you are going to say that you just don ‘ t have time to volunteer. How could I possibly ask you to do that?

I am not going to ask you to do that. Although if it appeals you should try it. Volunteering makes the world go round.

What I mean by making a difference is asking you how you interact with others in the world. Did you smile at the checkout person at the grocery store? Do you hold doors for other people? Do you refrain from giving the man who cut you off in his BMW the finger? Do you pick up trash that you see in the street?

All of these things contribute to the world in a small way and doing them will make your life a better place as well. The act of smiling at someone will actually make you and the person you smiled at happier. Holding doors for people makes them feel noticed and you made it happen. Not giving someone the finger will allow you not to feel the pain of remorse in the middle of the night. And picking up that trash will literally make the world a more beautiful place.

So make a difference in the world every day. It will make you happier. I promise.

Want some help being happy? Let me help!

#4 – Do you feel healthy and strong?

You know when you go out on a long dock and it ‘ s old and creaky and with each step you wonder if you are going to end up in the water? If you aren ‘ t healthy and strong, like a good dock, you could find yourself drowning before you know it.

Taking care of yourself is the key to a foundation from which happiness can grow. Eat well, but don ‘ t deprive yourself. Exercise, but only so it makes you feel good. Do one thing that makes you happy every day, like a massage or lunch with a friend. Find a life coach, to get the support that you need.

If you feel healthy and strong you will be able to take on whatever life throws at you.

Wouldn ‘ t that feel great?

#5 – Do you challenge yourself?

I know that I have my routines. I get up, walk my dog, do some yoga, work all day, walk my dog again, do errands, have dinner, take a bath and go to bed. Pretty much every day.

As a life coach I know that while routines are good for keeping us on track it is essential to challenge ourselves. Challenging yourself will keep your brain going strong, keep you physically confident and get that adrenaline rushing.

What do I mean by being challenged? It can be anything.

When I got divorced I promised myself that I would start doing all of the things that scared me. I learned how to ride a jet ski (which was awesome), I conquered my fear of driving in the snow (which was convenient), I took up crossword puzzles (which has made me way smarter) and I can now use power tools. Except for a drill.

It ‘ s so hard to imagine now not being able to do those things. Doing them has given me so much more confidence in myself – not only that I can do them but that I challenged myself to overcome my fears and prevailed.

And did I mention that I was way smarter? That makes me happy.

Unhappiness to so many of us is the status quo. We assume that this is the way life is and we must push through it. But it doesn ‘ t have to be this way. Happiness IS possible.

Are you making choices that are feeling good? Are you feeling loved and supported in your relationship? Did you make someone smile today? Is your foundation strong? Did you do something recently that got your adrenaline pumping?

If not, choose one and make it happen.

Happiness is yours for the taking. Today.

If you have read this far you must really be struggling with not being happy.
I know it’s really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

5 Ways to Be More Productive and CHANGE YOUR LIFE

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Lack of productivity can be very destructive. It can lead to overwhelm, which can be paralyzing, and it can be very demoralizing, which can lead to low self-esteem.

Neither of those things help you live the life of your dreams.

There are a myriad of reasons why my clients seek me out to be their life coach but most often a piece of it is that they need some help with productivity. I am happy to report that without exception those clients who were willing to take on their low productivity reported a dramatic change after just a few weeks of working with me.

Today I am going to share with you the work that I have done with my clients so you can learn about being more productive.

#1 – Identify what it is you want. Precisely.

Many of my clients come to me with an idea of what they want from their life. A new job, a better marriage, improved relations with co-workers, how to move forward in a different way. What many of those clients haven ‘ t done is identify what exactly it is they want. Without that knowledge moving forward is impossible.

I have a client who came to me because she was miserable in her job of 15 years but she just didn ‘ t know what to do. She had tried to make adjustments at work so that she could be happier but to no avail. She was stuck with what to do next. Paralyzed in fact.

I asked her where she would go if she left her job. She had no idea. She knew that she wanted out but she had given no thought to where she would like to jump. And, I asked, how would you get to that new place. Again, my question was met with silence.

The next part was quick and easy. We brainstormed new career paths, ideas that made her heart sing. We then cleaned up her resume to reflect that new job she sought. Next she researched job opportunities and applied for those jobs. Within a few weeks she had some interviews and soon after found the job of her dreams.

All this because she identified precisely where she wanted to go. Without concrete information you are stuck. She was. And then she wasn ‘ t.

#2 – Set goals.

Once you know what it is you want to do it ‘ s time to set goals.

I have a client who had created a website and she had been working on it ‘ s blog for almost a year. She had been tweaking and re-tweaking and then walking away, bored and frustrated, only to eventually come back and tweak it some more.

I asked her how determined she was to get this blog onto her site. Scale of 1-10. 10 she said. So we set a date. A date one month later. She put it on her calendar.

One month later, after years in process, after having set goals with me and making a plan, her blog was up.

Was she proud? Did her self-esteem go through the roof? Yes and yes. Awesome!

#3 – Make a plan.

Having a plan is an essential part of being productive. Without a plan you are stabbing about in the dark.

I have a client who HATED going to the grocery store. HATED it. So she didn ‘ t. As a result she didn ‘ t eat well and always felt weak.

I asked her why she hated the grocery store. She said the noise and the lights were annoying, things were hard to find, she never had time to find recipes of things to make, and she didn ‘ t want to spend the money. All valid reasons.

So we made a plan. First we skipped the recipes. I had her make a list of things that she knew how to cook and of things she liked to eat. She made a list using those things as a basis and I helped her organize her list into groups that related to areas in the grocery store. We made a plan of when she could go, at times when it was less crowded. She also decided to wear her headphones so the noise was less daunting.

Last, but not least, we set a specific date and time. And when she was done shopping she had to call me. And you know what? She did it. She has food. She feels better. And she did it again the next week.

#4 – Have a great calendar and use it wisely.

I had a client who had the most lofty goals but she didn ‘ t believe herself capable of following through on anything. As a result nothing ever got done.

Here is what we did. Every Sunday night we made a calendar for her for the week. On it, in red, were the things that she HAD to do. Doctor ‘ s appointments, driving to soccer, her half hour walk, 1 hour of writing. And then, in green, were the things that she wanted to get done. Balancing her checkbook, cleaning out closets, making some phone calls. She added things in black as things popped up during the week.

Those items in red were non-negotiable. If an emergency came up and she wasn ‘ t able do a red item then she had to immediately reschedule it for another day that week. It wasn ‘ t allowed to fall through the cracks.

The green items were treated the same but they could be moved to the next week if necessary.

The black were things that tended to get done because they were last minute and she was able to get them done because that ‘ s how she thrived, with a time limit.

She knew I would be checking up on her so she stuck to it as agreed.

It took a few weeks but using her calendar really allowed my client to be as productive as she had always hoped to be. And being so productive ramped up her self-esteem in a big way. She realized that she wanted to keep doing this, on her own, because she liked how she felt and she didn ‘ t want to let herself down. So she did. I was proud.

#5 – Find someone to hold you accountable.

This is a big part of my role as a life coach. We all need accountability. Someone to encourage us to get things done and to help us figure out why when we don ‘ t.

I know you have your friends and your family and your co-workers to support you but more often than not those people will lean towards supporting you, to listening to your rationalizations and letting you off the hook.

Not me.

I know the importance of staying on track, both for productivity ‘ s sake and for building self-esteem. Productivity is important for its own sake – things need to get done. Period.

Another reason productivity is so important is because of it ‘ s effect on your self-esteem. My clients are always so hard on themselves because they can never get things done, they are so far behind, they let other people down. Not doing these things can boost one ‘ s self-esteem significantly. And having higher self-esteem makes one more prone to being productive. See how that works?

It ‘ s a win-win in so many ways.

Our lives are crazy, jam packed and exhausting. Not being productive can cause overwhelm, and overwhelm can lead you down a path that makes it all worse.

It doesn ‘ t have to be this way. There are ways to be productive and make one ‘ s life a little less exhausting. As you can see above, my clients prove that it can be done.

You can do it too!

Need more tips on being more productive? Contact me and I can help.

5 Things You Can Do Every Day to Make the World a Better Place

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I would say that, right now, worldwide, people are wishing the world were a better place. War, famine, politics and extreme weather are making the world an increasingly difficult place in which to live.

And I am guessing that most people would like to change our world, if they could, but feel helpless in the face of it all.

Fortunately, there are ways that every person can make a difference in the world. Every day.

#1 – Be kind.

You know when you are having a really bad day and that person in the elevator gives you a smile and says good morning? How does that feel? Great, right?

How about that time the person in front of you at the grocery store was a few dollars short and you offered to pay. Remember the look of gratitude she gave you and how good you felt? Amazing, right?

Imagine if every person in the world did one kind thing every day. The wonderful thing about acts of kindness is that they make everyone feel good. And people who feel good do kind things to other people.

Paying it forward and making the world better, one kindness at a time.

#2 – Don’t litter. Or idle.

I used to live on a dirt country road. It was a road through the woods, lined with a cemetery and dotted with houses. Every morning someone drove down our country road and threw his ripped up lottery tickets and his strawberry milk bottle out of his car window.

Dumping trash has a huge environmental consequence. The dyes from the trash are absorbed by the soil. That toxic soil damages the trees and plants that animals and birds feed from. Drains get clogged, which can cause flooding. Waterways get polluted and kill plant and fish life.

All because of some lottery tickets and strawberry milk.

Last week I was waiting in line to get on a car ferry and almost every single person in that line sat with their car idling. The amount of carbon emissions being released into our atmosphere so that people could stay cool in their air-conditioned cars was staggering.

And at that moment millions of cars around the world were releasing their own emissions, further depleting our ozone layer and causing the scary weather systems that are slowly destroying our planet.

Imagine the positive effect if even half of us turned off our cars while waiting. It would certainly slow the ozone layer depletion, even if only just a bit.

So be aware of how your everyday habits affect our environment. You can literally make the world a better place with just a little awareness.

#3 – Don’t judge.

You know that person who pissed you off today. The one who interrupted a meeting or spilled coffee on you or who was brusque on the phone? Yes, that person.

And how did you react to that person? Did you think What a bitch. Or What a jerk.

It’s important that we NOT judge people because of their actions. You just don’t know what has happened to that person that has made them behave that way.

Perhaps that person who interrupted the meeting had to run home to care for a sick child. Or that person who spilled coffee hadn’t slept well the night before because she was up late worrying about how to pay her taxes.

People are trying to do their best. Life is hard. Cut people some slack and believe that if they could do it differently they would.

#4 – Be helpful.

One of the striking things about living in NYC is how often you see people struggling and how, more often than not, no one reaches out to help. Not maliciously but because people in NYC keep their heads down and mind their own business.

And then you see moments of pure selflessness.

Last week I saw a woman who, when crossing the street, noticed a homeless man behind her, shuffling along. She knew he wouldn’t make it across before the light turned red so she stopped and waved her arms at approaching vehicles. Because she did, cars slowed and the man made it across in one piece.

The homeless man was thankful and I saw passersby take notice of what she had done. I am willing to bet that those passersby did something nice for someone else that night, inspired by what they had seen.

Paying it forward and making the world a better place. Again.

#5 – Put down your phone.

There are so many reasons why putting down your phone will make the world a better place.

If you put down your phone you can stop filling your brain with images of politicians doing stupid things, of violent happenings world wide and people writing nasty things about each other. This will make you happier and more inclined to do one of the recommendations above.

If you put down your phone you might look up and see the moon or an act of kindness or the person you love. You might even see an opportunity that could change your life or make the world a better place.

Put down your phone. Engage in life. Pay attention. Make a difference.

The world we live in is a difficult one. Every day we are faced with issues that suck us dry, individually and collectively. It doesn’t have to be that way.

Make small changes to the ways you interact in the world and, together, we can make the world a better place.

Looking for more ways to change the world? Contact me and I can help.

How to Hold Up Your End Of The Relationship When Feeling Depressed

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Are you wondering how to hold up your end of the relationship when feeling depressed?

I have struggled with depression for my whole life. 52 years. For a long time, I didn ‘ t have a name for why I always felt so hopeless and full of despair. I just lived with it.

And then I got married. And he had to live with it too. It was not fun.

Knowing how to hold up your end of the relationship when feeling depressed can be very difficult, but I am here to tell you that relationships don ‘ t have to self-destruct because of it.

#1 – Recognize when you are depressed.

For those of us who live with depression we can usually tell when it hits. Simple tasks that just the day before were easy to do become difficult. Sleep is elusive. We are short-tempered and crabby. Each of us manifests depression differently, but usually, we know when we are experiencing it.

Keeping in touch with your depression and sharing its presence with your partner is very important. Don ‘ t just expect your partner to guess that you are depressed. They might not recognize the signs and might not respond to your new mood, and that could lead to some big problems between the two of you.

So when depression hits, be clear about it. You and your partner have a bit of a battle ahead. Together.

#2 – Talk to your partner about what depression is like.

Even the most sympathetic of partners doesn ‘ t really understand what depression is like unless they suffer from it themselves. Because of this, it ‘ s important to try to teach them what depression looks like for you.

When we talked, my message for my husband was 1) You haven ‘ t caused this and 2) you can ‘ t fix it, and 3) I can ‘ t just suck it up and feel better. For me, it was essential that he knew these three things to be true.

Next, I explained to him what my depression looked like. When I was depressed, I felt like I had a gorilla on my back. Moving around, getting things done, and communicating effectively all required such a herculean effort that I could barely manage. When I was depressed, I was exhausted, easily angered, and prone to long bouts of crying. Going to work, seeing his family, and taking care of myself all filled me with such an overwhelming sense of dread that I couldn ‘ t bear it.

So, when you ARE NOT depressed, take some time and share your experience with your partner. The better understanding they have of your depression, the better they will be able to deal with and cope with it.

#3 – Plan ahead for what to do when depression hits.

A key part of dealing with depression for me and for my husband was that I was able to, when I wasn ‘ t depressed, make a plan for what I needed when I was depressed. I knew from experience what I needed to get through my depression. Sharing it with my partner was key.

For me, when I get depressed, I need four things: to get outside, to sleep, Pad Thai and sex. I knew that those things would not cure my depression but that they made a living with it easier.

So, when I WAS NOT depressed, my husband and I made a plan for what to do when I was. We would let me sleep in, go for a hike, get Pad Thai, have sex and send me back to sleep. We would do that, or some variation of that, to stay connected while I was depressed and help me get through it.

What we also agreed was that he wouldn ‘ t try to fix it. Many people like to fix things. You can ‘ t fix depression. Accepting that was a great way for my husband to manage when I was depressed because he wasn ‘ t constantly frustrated, searching for ways to help me.

#4 – Don ‘ t make your partner suffer.

So you have talked to your partner about your depression and made a plan for what you need when you are in it. Both of those things are great. Proactive. Good for you.

Sometimes, however, those things just don ‘ t work, and you are miserable. You are short-tempered and difficult and not fun to be with.

At times like that, let your partner go. Let them go about their day guilt-free. The last thing in the world you want to do is tether someone you love to your depression.

Encourage your partner to go do something they love instead of hanging around being miserable with you. If you let them do this, they will come home refreshed and better able to support you. And they might even bring you some Pad Thai.

#5 – Agree to seek help.

One of the hardest things for someone who loves someone with depression is their sense of helplessness. They know that there is nothing that they can do to help their partner get out of this dark place. And that sense of helplessness can tear relationships apart.

What can you do? You can agree to seek help dealing with your depression. That help can be what you want it to be: medication, yoga, therapy. Whatever works for you.

It is important for both of you in the relationship to know that depression isn ‘ t something that will be ignored but that will be addressed head-on and that it is something that you can both learn to deal with and take on together. As a couple.

Get some help both for you and for the one you love.

Depression can have a devastating effect on relationships. It doesn ‘ t have to be a death knell, however. Some relationships can actually thrive when couples tackle depression together.

Learn how to hold up your end of the relationship when feeling depressed. Share with your partner what your depression looks like, allow them to fully understand it and share with you the tools you have in place to manage it. Give them the freedom to escape from it for a bit if necessary. But be in it together.

Because if together you can manage depression, then there is nothing else that you can ‘ t take on. Together.

Are you struggling with how to hold up your end of the relationship when feeling depressed?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help, NOW, before the depression overwhelms your love!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

5 Ways The Most Emotionally Strong Women Become That Way

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You know that emotionally strong woman know, the one who seems completely put together? She knows what she wants and who she is and she won ‘ t let anyone or anything get her down?

Yes, her. Wouldn ‘ t you like to be her? You can be!

A woman like that most likely wasn ‘ t always like that but had to work to become that way. And you can do it too!

#1 – Take care of yourself.

At the most basic level, no one can be an emotionally strong strong woman if they aren ‘ t physically strong. I am not saying you have to join Crossfit and do the Whole 30 and go to therapy every day. I do mean to take care of your body.

Eat well, get enough sleep, exercise regularly, be kind to others, do what makes you smile. Feeling healthy and strong will give you good strong roots at the base of your emotionally healthy tree. Roots that will make it so that you won ‘ t blow over in a storm.

So do it. Take care of yourself. Create a healthy base on which to cultivate your emotional strength.

#2 – Challenge your thoughts.

You know those pesky thoughts that incessantly course through your head? You know the ones.

The ones that tell you aren ‘ t pretty enough, not smart enough, not successful enough.

Yes, those thoughts. The thoughts that are holding you back. They are keeping you emotionally weak. It ‘ s time to change those thoughts.

It won ‘ t be easy but with a little determination you can bring about big change.

One of my clients had spent a lifetime telling herself that she just wasn ‘ t worthy of love. Her life experience had led her to believe this to be true and because her thoughts consistently reinforced this idea she just wasn ‘ t emotionally capable to finding and keeping love.

I challenged her to challenge those thoughts. To talk back to the negative thoughts and provide evidence that they just weren ‘ t true. I encouraged her to make a list of those who had loved her. Her various boyfriends, her parents, her friends, her kids, the barista guy who had flirted with her for years. Those people who liked and loved her.

She kept this list easily accessible and when those dreaded thoughts reared their ugly head she referred to the list. Gradually those thoughts, being starved of reasons why it was true, became much quieter. And then, because she no longer felt emotionally weakened by her thoughts, she flirted back with that barista and it looks like she just might live happily ever after.

#3 – Don ‘ t take things personally.

Taking things personally can be the death of an emotionally strong woman.

When something happens to us, the only way that we can process it is through our own internal system. And that internal system only truly understands OUR experience. As a result we often times personalize things that have NOTHING to do with us.

I have a client who was in a dispute with her landlord about damage done to her apartment and she was very upset. She couldn ‘ t sleep. She couldn ‘ t enjoy her everyday life. She took the dispute personally. She felt that the landlord was questioning who she was as a person in his pursuit of keeping the damage deposit. She felt less than because of this.

I suggested to her that a more likely explanation for his actions was that he wanted more money from her NOT that he didn ‘ t like her as a person. In that moment my client let go of everything that she had been holding on to.

Of course it was about the money, not about how she was as a tenant or a person. It ‘ s always about money. In that moment she learned about the importance of not taking things personally and grew her emotional strength.

#4 – Give of yourself to others.

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, can help build emotional strength more than doing something for someone else. Truly, nothing.

When I was going through my divorce my emotional strength was at it ‘ s lowest. I started volunteering weekly at the local food bank. Four hours a week of helping other people get food to eat, for themselves and their families, made me feel so good. And not because I felt lucky that I wasn ‘ t in their position but because I knew that I had made a substantial, positive difference in their lives. It made my heart sing.

Many of us don ‘ t have time to volunteer but we can make a difference in other ways. Hold the door open for someone, buy that homeless person sitting outside the grocery store a sandwich, reach out to a friend you know is going through a hard time, give up your seat on the subway. There is nothing like being on the receiving end of a smile of gratitude to build up your emotional strength.

So try it. Reach out and make a difference in someone ‘ s life today

#5 – Do that thing you think you can not do.

There comes a time in one ‘ s life when one is presented with an obstacle that seem insurmountable.

For me that obstacle was rebuilding my life after my divorce. I never wanted a divorce but it was forced upon me and I had to deal. I had to deal with no longer being a wife, greatly reduced financial stability and the prospect of being alone forever. I DID NOT WANT TO DEAL. But I had to. I had to pick myself and move forward.

And I chose to pick myself and move forward in the strongest possible way. I wasn ‘ t going to let this situation ruin my life so I didn ‘ t. How? I got into therapy.

I surrounded myself with people who loved and supported me. I educated myself about the divorce process so that I could get what I needed to take care of myself and my children. I didn ‘ t back down in the face of his anger and derision. I stopped taking his actions personally and realized they were his issues not mine.

In short, I came out on the other side of my divorce a different woman. I went into it a woman who was scared of her own shadow, as I had been at the end of my marriage.

I emerged someone who knew that she could take care of herself and her children, who was no longer a wife but a woman and who didn ‘ t give a damn about being alone because I was very happy with my own company.

The BEST way to ensure your emotional strength is to DO THAT THING YOU THINK YOU CAN NOT DO. By doing so you will truly see your own strength. Nothing and no one will be able to convince you otherwise.

We are born into this world as emotionally strong women.

Life experience can drain that strength until we are left a shell of who we formerly were.

It doesn ‘ t have to be that way. Take care of yourself, don ‘ t take things personally, challenge your thoughts, give unto others and face challenges head on. Regaining your emotional strength is not only possible but probable with a little intention and effort. You can do it. I did. And, let me tell you, it feels amazing!

If you have read this far you must be wanting to be an emotionally strong woman.

Let me help you do so, NOW, so you can start living the life of your dreams.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

Check out my brand new course, 4 WEEKS TO LETTING GO OF LOVE AND MOVING ON. If you are struggling with the pain of a break up and want to get past it and move on, this is the course for you. Check it out here!

5 Ways to Survive Your Kid Going off to College and Leaving You Behind

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Your kid is going off to college. Holy s*%t.

While there were some occasions a few years back when you thought this moment couldn ‘ t come soon enough, now that it ‘ s here the prospect is hitting you like a ton of bricks.

Your child is leaving. That force of nature who has lived in your house for 18 years. How are you going to survive that loss?

Surviving, and even thriving, is not only possible but probable.

Here is my latest ‘ ¦5 Ways to Survive Your Kid Going off to College and Leaving You Behind.

#1 – Pay attention to how you are feeling.

Most likely your body is in physical pain, a result of psychological suffering at the loss of your child. And most likely the center point of that pain is your stomach. The pain is sharp and relentless and makes you feel like you are going to die.

That pain is from anxiety. Anxiety that your child won ‘ t be able to survive without you. That you won ‘ t be able to survive without them. That everything will be different now and how do you deal with that? That pain comes directly from your brain, from your thoughts. Frustrating, no?

There are two ways to deal with that pain.

The first is to talk back to that brain of yours. Tell it that it is being ridiculous. That your child is ready to do this and will be fine. That you have survived their being toddlers and teenagers so you can survive their leaving. And change is good. It ‘ s not easy to talk back to your thoughts but you can do it.

The second is to remember to breathe. Big deep breaths that go down to your belly. Breath in for 3 seconds and out for 5. This kind of breathing will actually calm the stress response in your body, ease your stomach pain and help clear your head. Repeat as necessary.

#2 – Revel in their successes and opportunities.

Your child is going to COLLEGE. How huge is that?

Since they were born one of your dreams for them has been college. College opens up doors for our kids. It allows them to think deep, dream big and share it with all kinds of like-minded and other-minded people. It will clear pathways that will take them forward into the rest of their lives.

And don ‘ t forget the role that you have played in all of this. It is because of you that they are ready to fly, to leave home and thrive. Don ‘ t underestimate the value of this. Without you this never could have happened!

Most of all, they aren’t leaving you behind. You and everything you have taught them will stay with them throughout their college life, whispering in their ear and guiding their decisions. And don’t worry. They will come back. There is laundry to be done and home-cooked food to be eaten.

#3 – Cry. But not too much.

It ‘ s okay that that you are feeling sad. Of course you are. And your child is feeling sad too. Leaving home leads to mixed emotions.

Tell your child that you are sad that they are leaving and that you are going to miss them. They need to know. It ‘ s important that they see real emotion from you, emotions that they can mirror as they want.

DO NOT go on and on repeatedly about how much you will miss them. Don ‘ t lie on their bed as they pack, sobbing. Don ‘ t make a scene when you drop them off at the dorm. Even if you feel like bursting into tears, don ‘ t. There is time enough for that on the car ride home.

You don ‘ t want to burden your child with the guilt of your sadness because doing so might hamper their ability to assimilate into their new school. This is not good.

So cry ‘ ¦ but within reason.

#4 – Plan a visit. But not tomorrow.

Colleges and universities have it all figured out. Usually by October, when everyone is missing each other, A LOT, there are parent weekends scheduled. This is a weekend where the kids get to share their new home with you and you get to buy them things. Fun times are had by all.

So plan to do this (and make hotel reservations well ahead of time as they tend to fill up). Planning will make you happy.

DO NOT plan to visit your child before that. Don ‘ t stop by to do their laundry or help with their homework or just because you miss them. It ‘ s like summer camp – they need to go cold turkey from their parents to really settle in. You being around will prevent that from happening.

#5 – Take a good look at the rest of your life.

Even if this child is not your last to leave home now is the time where your life will start to change.

You have spent the past 18 years devoting yourself to your children and running your household. You have given so much of yourself, happily, but now it ‘ s time to start taking care of you.

Take a good hard look at the choices you have made that have brought you to where you are today. Take a good hard look at where you want to be in the next half of your life. Take a good hard look at what is important to you.

This is it. This is your time. You have age and you have wisdom and now it ‘ s time to start at least laying the groundwork to living the life that you have always wanted.

So there you go – 5 Ways to Survive Your Kid Going off to College and Leaving You Behind.

The next few weeks will be tough but you, and your child, will get through it. It ‘ s also a magical time, a time for your child to enter his or her world and for you to begin to grow in yours.

Embrace it. It only happens once.

Need any more ideas about how to survive and thrive? Contact me and I can help!

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