5 Things To Do When Emotions Overwhelm You

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You know when you have one of those days when emotions overwhelm you? They can be scary days, can ‘ t they be?

Fortunately there are ways to get through those emotional days without totally falling apart. It takes a little bit of attention and effort but if you are willing to do the work it will prevent those breakdowns that leave you exhausted and spent and unable to function.

So what do you do when emotions overwhelm you?

#1 – Breathe.

The first, and most important, thing to do when emotions overwhelm you is to BREATHE. I know it seems simple and obvious but it isn ‘ t.

Most of us, when put into an emotional situation, forget to breathe. You know when you are driving past an 18-wheeler on the highway? You are gripping the steering wheel super tight and hoping that you won ‘ t get smooshed between the truck and the guardrail. When in that spot, most people hold their breath. Next time, try taking a deep breath as you pass the truck. You will see how much easier it is when you do.

When emotions overwhelm you pause and take a deep breath. Put your hand on your tummy and breathe in for a count of three, filling up your belly as you do, and then release for a count of three. Do this repeatedly until you feel calmer.

The benefits of deep breathing are significant. Deep breathing slows your heart rate and improves your cognitive functioning so that you can think more clearly. And thinking more clearly will allow you to deal with those emotions.

#2 – Identify the emotions.

The next important thing to do, after you have taken a few deep breaths, is to identify what exactly you are feeling.

Are you feeling sadness? Anxiety? Anger? Fear? All of those are emotions that manifest themselves differently in each person and, if you know what emotion is overwhelming you, it will be easier to manage it.

Last year, at my daughter ‘ s graduation, I learned that my ex was bringing his new wife and her family down to NYC for a big post graduation celebration. I flipped out. My heart started beating and my thoughts were racing. I wanted to pick up the phone and yell at him. Or break something.

After some deep breaths I asked myself what exactly I was feeling. Why was I reacting this way? And then I realized: I was jealous. Jealous that I couldn ‘ t give my daughter some big family graduation celebration and that she would be having one with my ex ‘ s family. I was very, very jealous.

And you know what? I was surprised that that was how I was feeling. But knowing that jealousy was the emotion overwhelming me changed everything for me.

First of all, there was a huge sense of relief naming my emotion. When the feeling was just some random anger and hurt I didn ‘ t know what to do with it. Once I knew it was jealousy I was able to process that jealousy. I knew that it was okay that I was jealous. Who wouldn ‘ t be? And knowing that it was okay that I was jealous, and that I was not some woman still bitter about her divorce, helped me process those emotions quickly.

#3 – Feel Them.

I remember the morning after my mom died. Her husband was walking around the house muttering to himself Get over it. Stop being so sad. The day after my mom died.

Emotions are hard to feel. They are painful and confusing and scary. But it is important that we allow ourself to feel them. If we stuff them down, cover them with beer or food or drugs, then we will never be able to learn to deal with them and they will just come roaring back, bigger and fiercer than ever.

So if you are scared to feel those feelings that you have when emotions overwhelm you it ‘ s okay. But fight through that fear and feel those emotions. It will help you let go of them.

#4 – Process them.

So you have done your deep breathing, you have recognized your emotions and you have felt them deeply in your body. What ‘ s next?

Processing your emotions. I know! It ‘ s easier said than done, but it ‘ s very important that you do.

For me, knowing that I was jealous allowed me to ask myself why I was jealous. To figure out the source of the jealousy. For me it was that my kids had a new family, one that I wasn ‘ t a part of. That made me very jealous and very sad. And, to be honest, a little bit angry.

But I knew what it was and was able to tell my kids what I was feeling. They got it and were relieved that their mom wasn ‘ t still bitter about their dad but feeling some genuine, completely understandable emotions.

The same situation has happened again, more than once, and it has been much easier for me to process because I know exactly what emotion is happening and why.

#5 – Let them go.

The final piece to dealing when emotions overwhelm you is to let your feelings go.

Holding onto emotions that overwhelm you is not good for you on many levels.

Holding a grudge or keeping a feeling inside can cause physical illness. It can cause constant bitterness and anger, which isn ‘ t good for your mental health. It can make you unpleasant to be around which could chase your friends away.

So feel your feelings. Process them. And then let them go. It ‘ s okay if they come back but if they do they won’t be as powerful because you will know what to do to handle them.

Knowing what to do when your emotions overwhelm you can be very difficult in the moment. It is hard to think clearly when you are angry or sad or exhausted or hurt.

If you do nothing else on this list, just remember to breathe. If you do you will go a long way towards regulating those emotions and not letting them get the best of you.

And when your heartbeat calms down and your head clears after you breathe, you just might find the others steps easier to manage.

Imagine what it would feel like to not hold onto those overwhelming emotions. Pretty amazing, right?

 

 

 

5 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Relationship With Your Husband and Keep the Romance Alive

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The wedding is over, the rice has been thrown and now the question is How do you maintain a healthy relationship with your husband?

It ‘ s a very good question and a very important one. One that many newlyweds don ‘ t ask and should.

Marriage is wonderful but it lasts a long time and that time isn ‘ t always, or even often, easy. So thinking ahead about how to maintain a healthy relationship with your husband is very important.

So how DO you maintain that relationship?

#1 – Create a good foundation.

A good foundation is important for every structure and a marriage especially.

The habits that you develop as newlyweds will carry you forth throughout your marriage. In fact, if there are things that you are hoping will change once you are married, forget it. We only become more of who we are the older we get.

What are important pieces of a good foundation?

On the most basic level, trust is essential for every marriage. If you can not trust your partner to be honest with you, to be there when you need them, to know that they will always look out for your best interests, then you may as well be alone. Because if you can ‘ t trust your partner, who can you trust?

Another key piece of a good marriage foundation is mutual respect. It is impossible for two people to work well together if they don ‘ t respect the other person. If they don ‘ t respect their morals, their values and their work ethic. So make sure, early on, that you respect your partner and that he respects you back.

A third piece is knowing that you both recognize that you are a now a pair, that by getting married you have formed a new family.

Both of you come from individual families but now you are creating a new one. And that new one needs to be the priority. Sure, either mother-in-law might like things to be a certain way, but it ‘ s important that you both realize that your new family is the priority and that it is clear to others.

So set a good foundation for your marriage. It will be important that you do so going forward.

#2 – Be aware that kids are going to change everything.

Getting married is often followed by having children and I often wonder, if people really knew what having children was like, would they reconsider?

There is nothing harder on marriage then the arrival of a child. Suddenly the woman ‘ s priorities are totally redirected, away from the man who has been her life for years and towards this little helpless creature who she is biologically hard-wired to protect.

Right after my daughter was born my mother made us two sheet pans of lasagna. We froze them for when she went back to Virginia. I remember my husband coming home from work one day and, upon learning that we were having lasagna AGAIN, he stalked out of the room. I seriously thought I would never be able to cook and take care of a baby so I burst into tears.

And of course, as children grow, their demands on the family become greater and by their teen years their parents are exhausted and often estranged from each other. They live in the same house but that ‘ s it. The couple is gone.

It is essential that parents take time to spend time with each other during the chaos of raising children. Do fun things together, talk about subjects outside of the family, laugh a lot. If you don ‘ t you will completely lose who you are as a couple and be only Mom and Dad.

So don ‘ t forget your husband in the fray of raising your amazing children. You will be glad you did.

#3 – Treat each other with respect.

Nothing is worse in a marriage than when respect is gone. When respect is gone it is replaced by contempt and no relationship can survive when there is contempt.

If you spend time with any couple who has been married awhile you will know what I mean. One person ‘ s habits have become too much for the other person and it is very clear.

My ex-husband used to often come home late from work. At first I begged him to be home in time for dinner. He tried but most often failed. I got increasing frustrated and starting losing respect for him. I eventually stopped asking him and eventually started telling him that he was rendering himself irrelevant. That we didn ‘ t need him home for dinner anyway.

How great did that make him feel? He is my ex-husband, you notice.

#4 – Make sure your sex life is working.

Sex is an essential piece of any healthy relationship. It is important that every couple maintain a certain amount of intimacy to keep connected.

What is very important about married people sex is that it works for both people in the relationship. If he wants to have sex 5 days a week and she doesn ‘ t want to have sex more than once, then a compromise must be made so that you can both be satisfied.

If she has sex with him more than she might like he will be satisfied but she will not be because she will be resentful about what she feels forced to do. If they only have sex once he might get resentful that that is all he gets.

So have a discussion with your spouse. Make sure that both of you are happy with the amount and quality of the sex you share.

It could be the glue that holds you together.

#5 – Talk about money.

This is the holy grail of taboo subjects in a marriage and one of the top reasons that marriages fall apart. Many people can not talk about their finances without it descending into chaos.

Money is a difficult topic, whether there is too much or too little, and couples can rarely talk about it without fighting. How much a salary is, how much it costs to run a family and keep a house, spending money on self care, putting money away for savings. All are difficult topics and allocation for each of those areas is up for discussion at any given time.

The happiest couples I know are ones who have the tough talk regularly. Is the way the money being spent working for everyone? If not, what can be done to change that?

The key is working together, as a couple, to make the finances work for the whole family.

Try it. The conversation might be difficult but it could save your marriage.

So there are the 5 essential ways to maintain a healthy relationship with your husband.

I can not repeat enough how important it is to spend time early in your relationship setting a good foundation as a couple.

Learn how to talk about difficult things, like money and sex. Put yourselves first over your extended families. Make spending time together a priority. And never stop laughing.

Marriage can be wonderful. Do your best to keep it that way.

Do you want to maintain a healthyrelationshipwith your husband?

Let me help, NOW, and get that passion back quickly!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

5 Ways to Organize Your Life as a Working Mom and Stay Ahead of the Chaos

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Would you like to organize your life as a working mom and stay not only in the game but ahead of the chaos?

It seems daunting but it is possible! And wouldn ‘ t it feel great?

Here are 5 suggestions for making it all happen.

#1 – Use a calendar and make a schedule.

The most important part of an organized life is a calendar and a schedule.

I have a client who, every Sunday night, sits down with her calendar and charts out EVERYTHING that is happening in the week ahead.

What do I mean by everything?

  • Her work schedule
  • Her kids ‘ schedule
  • Any appointments that her family might have
  • Time for herself
  • Time for her and her spouse
  • Time spent on social media
  • Anything else that might need to be accounted for

Once she makes her schedule, she underlines in RED those things that are priorities and cannot be moved.

As the week progresses she looks at her calendar daily to adjust it as necessary but if something must get moved, it gets moved immediately so that it doesn ‘ t fall off her calendar and get forgotten.

She makes her calendar, she keeps it with her, she updates it regularly and makes it the blueprint of her life.

#2 – Stick to your schedule, no matter what happens at work.

The most important part of having a calendar is sticking to it. And I know, as a working mom, that can be very hard to do.

One thing I ask my clients: what is the one thing in your life that everything else revolves around? What is that one non-negotiable thing on your calendar?

Almost without exception, my clients answer WORK. They say that because they are reporting to a boss, and getting paid for it, they will sacrifice other things that might be a part of their week if work demands dictate that they do.

Is this you? Do you choose to work instead of meeting your other obligations?

If so, consider this: can you view some other things in your week, like you time or time with your spouse, as things that are as important as work and that you will not put aside for any reason.

Can you do this in spite of the fact that you aren ‘ t getting paid and reporting to someone else?

This is the key to organizing your life as a working mom and staying ahead of the chaos. To understand that some obligations are as non-negotiable as work and that putting them to the side just can’t happen.

#3 – Plan meals ahead of time.

A HUGE part of staying organized is planning and making meals ahead of time.

I remember, when my kids were young, deciding what to make every night was the hardest part of my day. I always felt that if someone else told me what to cook, making it would be easy. It was the deciding that was hard.

I suggest making a meal plan for the whole week, including lunches, over breakfast on Sunday morning. And from that meal plan make your shopping list so that you have all of the ingredients that you need for the week.

Ideally, you then get your partner to go to the grocery store but that is negotiable!

If you plan your menus ahead of time, and do the shopping as well, you will carve out a big piece of your day, every day, to get other things done.

#4 – Get help.

It is essential for working moms to get help where they need it.

Some moms need help keeping the house clean or cooking dinner or taking the kids to appointments. So if you need it, get it! Find someone to help you clean or cook or drive.

It ‘ s really okay to not do everything yourself.

If a babysitter or a cleaning lady is not in your budget, figure out some other way to get help. Your partner and your kids are the most obvious first choices in the help department. They can all help with the cooking and the cleaning and the chauffeuring. They may complain but they CAN do it!

You can also call on your friends to support you and you can support them as well. When my kids were young, the moms all took turns after school taking the kids to various activities. Each of us committed 1 day a week to being the driver, leaving the other 4 days after school open for work or other things.

Either way, you working moms DON ‘ T have to do everything yourselves. Ask for help. You will be glad you did.

#5 – Build in time for you.

Believe it or not, this is the most important piece of how to organize your life as a working mom.

Everyone needs time for themselves. EVERYONE. Just because you are a working mom it doesn ‘ t mean that you get to sacrifice your mental health for the sake of everyone else.

As a matter of fact, doing so is not good for anyone and will definitely make it difficult to stay ahead of the chaos. Remember the old adage: ‘ A happy mom means a happy family. ‘ It ‘ s more true now than ever.

So make an effort every week to build some ‘ ˜you time ‘ into your schedule. It doesn ‘ t have to be a lot of time. A few minutes in the morning before everyone wakes up. A 20 minute walk outside at lunch time. A few minutes of social media as you wait to pick up the kids from school.

When my kids were little, 3 nights a week were nights when I took a bath. For 45 minutes I was in my bathtub with my People magazine and the door was locked and I had ‘me time’. My husband dealt with whatever had to be dealt with. That time was life changing for me. I was able to take a deep breath and then step back into my life refreshed.

I am guessing that you are eager to organize your life as a working mom. You might feel like you are constantly treading water, just keeping your head up to keep from drowning.

But it doesn ‘ t have to be that way. Get a calendar, make a schedule, stick to it, plan ahead, ask for help and take care of yourself along the way.

The chaos will always be out there ‘ ¦how you manage it will help you stay ahead of it.

Areyou strugglingto organize your life as a working mom?
Let me help, NOW, before it gets to be just too much!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

5 Questions To Ask When You’re Feeling Overwhelmed And Stuck

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Are you feeling overwhelmed and stuck?

Do you look at your life and wonder how you are going to do it for even one more day?

Are the pressures brought on by work and family and health and home just becoming too much to bear?

Let me help you with some questions to ask yourself if you are feeling overwhelmed and stuck.

#1 – How overwhelmed am I?

I just got off the phone with a client who had contacted me two days ago. She was SO overwhelmed and stuck and she was at the end of her rope.

We set up an appointment for today and guess what! The overwhelm that she had felt just a few days back had evaporated. She had had a bad few days and just couldn ‘ t take it anymore. But then she had a few good ones and felt better.

I am not saying that what happened to her will happen to you but I am saying to check in with yourself about just how overwhelmed you are.

You are feeling overwhelmed today. Were you feeling the same way yesterday? Or last weekend?

Or perhaps was last weekend great and yesterday manageable but today has sucked in every way possible?

So ask yourself how overwhelmed you are. Whether it ‘ s short or long term, it ‘ s important to define it so that you can understand what you are dealing with so you can manage it effectively.

If you recognize your overwhelm is the result of what is happening TODAY then steps must be taken to fix what is happening. If your overwhelm has been with you longer then it ‘ s time to make a plan to deal with it definitively.

#2 – Do I know what EXACTLY is overwhelming me?

So my client was sitting there telling me how completely overwhelmed she was. I asked her what exactly it was that was overwhelming her.

Together we did a little excavation and made a list.

  • She had a new job and one of her co-workers had it out for her
  • She was moving out of the house and her mother wasn ‘ t being supportive.
  • She was having car trouble.
  • She was struggling with credit card debt.

Two things happened when we made that list. First, she realized what exactly it was that was overwhelming her. And when she saw how short the list was it took away some of the power of the overwhelm. She saw that the rest of her life was great; she was just struggling in a few places.

Secondly, she realized that she could actually fix some of the things that were causing her the overwhelm. Fix them right away.

And knowing she had the power to change things made her feel much stronger right away.

#3 – What can I do to change what is overwhelming me?

For my client, we worked through things step by step, figuring out what she could do about each thing. Because we knew that if we fixed the issues she would feel less overwhelmed and stuck.

As to her new co-worker, my client knew that she could only change herself and her reaction to her co-worker and so she decided to do that. She would share nothing of herself with her co-worker and she would work hard to do her very best at work and be well thought of in the office.

With her mother, she recognized that she would be out of the house in 2 weeks and she would no longer have to deal with her mom. Their relationship was, by the way, causing a HUGE amount of the overwhelm in her life. She realized this by making her list. Seeing it on paper made it stand out to her.

As to the car and the debt, she knew that with this new job she would start making more money. She made a plan to put aside money every week to work on her car and chip away at the credit card debt.

At the end of this exercise she felt SO much better. She knew that she had a plan to take care of the overwhelm in her life.

#4 – Am I taking care of myself?

If you are feeling overwhelmed and stuck it could be that you aren ‘ t taking care of yourself.

When we are feeling out of control of our life our physical health tends to pay the price.

Are you sleeping well? Taking breaks from work? Getting your exercise? Not using food for medication? Laughing with your friends?

All of these things are a very important part of managing feeling overwhelmed and stuck.

So take a moment and inventory how your body is feeling. If it is feeling anything but healthy and strong make a plan to change that immediately.

# 5 – Who can I ask for help?

This is the question that for many of us we have a hard time answering.

Why? Because women in America want to do it all themselves.

For whatever reason, the modern woman believes that she can take care of everything in her life as well as the life of her family, her friends and her job. She can go and go and go and go.

And then what happens? She goes to pieces because she just can ‘ t take it anymore.

Reaching out for help is a key part of feeling less overwhelmed.

If you aren ‘ t feeling healthy, reach out to a doctor or a trainer to get you in shape. If that project at work is making you crazy, pull together a team who can help you conquer it with ease. Is your house a mess? Hire an organizer and/or a cleaning service.

And of course, if you want help making a plan to get past your overwhelm and be happy, then you MUST hire a life coach. A life coach will work with you to identify exactly what it is that needs to be addressed so that you don ‘ t feel overwhelmed and stuck.

Are you feeling overwhelmed and stuck? Hopefully not so much anymore.

You know what to do, what questions to ask yourself.

Identify how overwhelmed you are and why. Make a plan to deal with issues that are getting to you. Take care of yourself and ask for help.

So go ahead. Do it! Imagine how much better you will feel if you do.

5 Reasons Why True Career Success Begins With Knowing Yourself

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You know that woman you want to be? The one who seems to have the career of her dreams? What does she have that you don ‘ t? Probably nothing. Because the key to true career success begins with knowing yourself.

Of course, knowing yourself is the key to success in every area of one ‘ s life. Unless you really know who you are, what you are good at and what you want you can never truly succeed.

This is especially true for achieving career success.

So why does true career success begin with knowing yourself?

#1 – Because you will avoid unfulfilling jobs and choose a career path in which you will thrive.

If you know yourself you will know what kind of career you will matches your strengths and passion.

If you know yourself you will know what you are good at. Are you a big thinker or perhaps better at fine details? Are you creative or more analytical?

If you know yourself you will know what your passions are. Are you inspired to help other people? Are you drawn to the arts or to the sciences? What makes you really want to get out of bed in the morning?

If you know yourself you know that if you don ‘ t bring your best, most passionate self to any career you won ‘ t succeed.

#2 – Because you will have confidence that you will get the job done.

If you know yourself you will have the self-confidence necessary to get a job done and get it done well.

If you know yourself you will know what you are good at and what you are passionate about and you will choose a career path that will align with what you know. As a result, you will have no doubt about your ability to get things done.

Furthermore, a self-confident woman is a force to be reckoned in the workplace because she can hold her own in a man ‘ s world, no easy feat in many cases.

#3 – Because you will achieve work/life balance.

If you know yourself you will more easily achieve a work/life balance, a key to career success.

For many years it was believed that the harder we worked the more successful we became. And, while hard work is very important, so is having a quality life outside of work.

If you know yourself then you will be able to look at your career and your personal life, define what are priorities for you and make them happen.

Is it important to you that you get some exercise every day? Is it important that you be the first one into work in the morning? Is it important that you get home in time for dinner? Is it important that you go out one night a week with your co-workers?

If you know yourself you will more readily be able to define what you need for success in all areas of your life and make a plan to make sure that all of your needs are met.

#4 – Because you will know how much you can handle.

If you know yourself then you will have a clear understanding of just how much work you can handle.

Many women are guilty of biting off more then they can chew because they believe that they are the only one who can get the job done and get it done well.

If you know yourself you will have a clear understanding of how much you can take on without overwhelming yourself. This is important because if you are overwhelmed you won ‘ t get the job done well and you will not be able to achieve good work/life balance.

And if you know how much work you can manage successfully then you will be more likely to achieve career success.

#5 – Because you will know your value in the workplace.

If you know yourself you will have a clear understanding of the value that you bring to your workplace.

If you know yourself you have a hold of your financial needs and therefore can make some good decisions regarding the work that you do.

Many of us take on jobs that do not give us the financial security that we need. As a result, we either take on another job or we live with the knowledge that we are barely making ends meet. Neither one of these things are conducive to getting a job done well.

So be clear with yourself as to what you need to live in the manner to which you are accustomed. And don ‘ t be afraid to speak up to the powers that be about what you are worth.

A woman who knows herself knows her value to her employers and isn’t afraid to say it.

True career success begins with knowing yourself.

Before you begin your job search take some time to inventory yourself. What are you good at? What are your passions?

Armed with this information you will have the self-confidence to go forth in the world and find work at which you will succeed.

Once you have the job of your dreams, if you who know yourself, you will take on no more than you can handle so that you have a work/life balance that will allow you to succeed in all areas of you life.

So get to know yourself TODAY. You will be happy you did!

How Healthy Is My Relationship? Take this quiz and find out.

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How healthy is my relationship? It ‘ s an important question and a good one to ask yourself regularly.

Long-term relationships start strong but without regular tending they can weaken over time. Much like managing your apps on your phone or keeping your status fresh on Facebook, it is important to always be checking your relationship for updates.

Healthy relationships are important to a healthy life so yourself regularly How healthy is my relationship?

So, what questions do you need to ask? Let me suggest the following:

#1 – Can you talk about anything?

Being able to talk about anything is the key to a healthy relationship.

Can you tell your partner when you don ‘ t like something that he does? Or that seeing his mother EVERY Sunday is more than you would like? Or that you really don ‘ t like extra sausage on your pizza? Or that that thing he likes to do in bed is just a little bit much for you?

Being able to be honest with your partner about everything in your life and relationship is a key to keeping it healthy.

#2 – Do you enjoy the sex?

Having a healthy sex life is an important part of every healthy relationship.

If your sex life is something that you just put up with, don ‘ t really enjoy, or even dread, then it ‘ s time to act.

Talk to your partner about how you feel and figure out together how to make things work for both of you.

#3 – Do you like each other ‘ s friends and family?

Liking each other ‘ s friends and family is another really important part of a healthy relationship.

Like it or not, when someone becomes part of a couple their partner ‘ s previous relationships come along too. And if you don ‘ t get along with his friends and family it can cause a huge rift. He will want to spend time with all of you and if he is forced to choose he will resent it.

So check in to see if you are both on board with liking each other ‘ s friends. It ‘ s important that you do.

#4 – Do you respect each other?

Of course it ‘ s important to like and love the person with whom you are in a relationship. What is even more important is that you respect them.

If you are in a relationship with someone who you can ‘ t respect, for whatever reason, who you regularly are critical of and treat with contempt then you are not in a healthy relationship.

Respecting the person you are with, respecting the choices that they make, the values they uphold, the way they are in the world, is an essential part of being happy together.

#5 – Do you laugh and have fun together?

Laughter is the number one aphrodisiac that I know of. People who can laugh together, often, will stay more attached, emotionally and physically, then those who don ‘ t.

Do you and your partner laugh together and have fun together. Do you laugh often, even in times of stress? Do you like to do the same things? The things that make you happy? Do you have inside jokes that only you share?

Make sure that you and your partner enjoy life together. You will be glad you did!

#6 – Do you want to spend time together?

This is a big one. Do you and your partner actually make an effort to spend time together? Or do you make excuses to not have to do so?

A client of mine would come up with every excuse in the world to not spend time with her husband and volunteering at the kid ‘ s school was a great way to do that.

Guess what! He found someone else, someone who wanted to spend time with him.

#7 – Do you feel good about yourself?

Feeling good about yourself is key to a healthy relationship.

If you don ‘ t feel good about who you are in the world, if you don ‘ t feel like you need someone to ‘ ˜complete you, ‘ if you know that you will be just fine alone, then you are in a place to have a healthy relationship.

People who are needy or clingy or fraught with insecurities do not make good partners. So take care of yourself and be all that you can be so that you can be a contributing half of a healthy relationship.

#8- Do you have plans for the future together?

People in healthy relationships share their plans for the future.

They think about tomorrow, next week, next month and even next year.

They do so because they are invested in being together and part of being together is making plans for the future.

If either one of you isn ‘ t interested in talking about the future then you are not in a relationship that has one.

# 9 – Do you know each other ‘ s love language?

Gary Chapman ‘ s book The 5 Love Languages speaks to the belief that everyone has a way that they express and receive love and that everyone ‘ s language is different. And, often, people express love in the ways that THEY want to be loved as opposed to in ways their partners want to be loved.

We might feel loved when we get a piece of jewelry but our partner might feel loved when we do a chore for them. So if we give them a piece of jewelry they won ‘ t feel loved, even if we might, but if we take out the trash then all is good.

Does that make sense? Check out The 5 Love Languages here for more information. Everyone just wants to be loved.

So how did you do on my questionnaire?

Can you answer the question How healthy is my relationship? in an affirmative way?

If yes, YAY!

If no, make an effort to tweak the things that seem a bit off and see if you can bring your relationship around to a healthier place.

Make an effort to communicate. Make sure your sex life is good. Enjoy life and each other ‘ s friends and families. Respect each other and plan together. And read more about the 5 Love Languages. They always help!

So get to work NOW! Make your relationship a healthy one ‘ ¦

Are You Productive? Find Out By Answering These 5 Questions

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Are you productive? Do you find yourself struggling every day to get everything done that you need to get done and still have some time left for yourself?

Do you wonder if you just don ‘ t have enough time or if you waste the time that you do have?

There are 5 questions that you should ask yourself if you are wondering if you are productive.

#1 – How much time do you spend on your screen?

Cell phones, pads and computers have taken over our lives and they are the number one cause of lack of productivity.

Have you heard of the term ‘ screen suck? ‘ It means the time that we spend on our computer when we don ‘ t mean to. Like when you go on to ‘ ˜quickly check your email ‘ and end up still on an hour later having watched too many cute animal videos.

Being sucked into our screen kills productivity.

So how much time do you spend in in front of your screen? If it ‘ s more than hour, spent surfing instead of getting work done, your productivity is probably lagging.

#2 – Do you have a ‘To-Do’ list?

The most productive people have a list of things that need to get done.

As much as we would all like to believe that we can maintain a running list to-do in our head, it is almost impossible to do so.

Between work and family and social life and work there are so many things that need to get done and to get them done you must keep track of them.

So, if you don ‘ t have an ongoing list, one that prioritizes things that need to get done, you most likely aren ‘ t as productive as you could be.

#3 – Can you say NO?

You know when that mom approaches you at pick-up time and asks if you would mind running the annual school auction? Or when your boss asks you to take over yet another project? How good are you at saying NO?

The most productive people know how many hours they have available in the day and are strong enough to say NO instead of adding one more thing to their already heavy load.

On top of being less productive, when you take on too many things you also become less effective. You can ‘ t do the things you take on as well as you might because you just can ‘ t devote the mental and physical energy needed to do it.

So learn to say NO! Your productivity will increase immediately if you do.

#4 – Can you ask for help?

The most productive people in the world are NOT the people who try to do it all themselves. The most productive people in the world are the ones who are willing to delegate and share tasks to get things done efficiently.

Do you need to do everything in order to get that new project completed on time or are there people you can ask to support you in this endeavor?

Can you take on that school auction and still keep your household running well or might it be a good idea to get someone in to clean your house a couple of times a month?

In this world it ‘ s almost a badge of honor to be so busy that you barely sleep and feel constantly overwhelmed. But the most productive people don ‘ t wear that badge. They know that by asking for help they will be more efficient and effective in their endeavors and not struggle with being overwhelmed and exhausted.

#5 – Are you taking care of yourself?

Being a productive person in the world depends a lot on your physical and emotional wellbeing.

If you are someone who never gets enough sleep, doesn ‘ t eat well or struggles with depression being productive will be challenging.

To be productive you need to have mental clarity and physical stamina. So take care of yourself. Get enough sleep, eat well, take a walk and pay attention to your mental health.

If you do you will be well fortified in your efforts to be productive.

So, after asking yourself those questions, what is the answer? Are you productive?

If not, then follow my suggestions.

Limit your screen time, make a list, learn to say no, to ask for help and take care of your physical and mental health.

This is a jam-packed, chaotic and exhausting world that we live in but you can make your little corner of it less so by managing your habits so that you can be productive.

Imagine going to bed at night with most of the things on your list crossed off? How great would that feel?

So go for it! Change those habits and answer YES to the question ‘Are you productive?’

What It Means When You’re Feeling Depressed But Nothing Is Wrong (And What to Do About It)

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Have you recently been feeling depressedbut nothing is wrong? Do you feel like you have everything that you want in your life but still you feel like you are carrying a hundred pound weight on your back, that you have no interest in anything and that all you want to do is sleep?

I am not a doctor but I can tell you that I used to feel that way all the time. I lived with this overwhelming sense of hopelessness and dread. I tried to be a good parent but keeping my energy up was close to impossible. I tried to be great wife but my irritability prevented that from happening. I had a great job but my performance suffered.

This went on for years. YEARS. I thought that I was managing it, and I was. Until I wasn ‘ t.

One day, when I was 42 years old, I found myself in a closet banging my head against the wall. I had no idea what was going on.

A friend of mine scooped me up off the floor and took me to see a psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with chemical depression. He sent me off with some medication and instructions to follow up with a therapist.

That day changed my life.

If you are feeling depressed but nothing is wrong in your life then you too could be chemical depressed. This means that you have a chemical imbalance that causes depressive symptoms without something actually being wrong.

So what do you do if you are feeling depressed but nothing is wrong? I have some suggestions.

#1 – Ask yourself a few questions.

A good way to get a sense of whether or not you are chemical depressed is to ask yourself some questions. They are:

  • Are you living with feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
  • Are you more irritable than usual?
  • Have you lost interest in things that used to make you happy?
  • Are you not sleeping as well as you used to?
  • Have your sleep patterns changed? Are you spending more time in bed?
  • Have your eating patterns changed? Have you lost or gained weight?
  • Are you more anxious than you used to be?
  • Do you struggle with feelings of worthlessness?
  • Do you have a hard time focusing?
  • Do you think about committing suicide?
  • Do you have new physical problems, like headaches or backaches.

If you answered yes to any, or all, of these questions you are most likely suffering from depression.

Now, ask yourself if this has happened to your before? How regularly? Does anyone else in your family struggle with depression? Were there any traumatic experiences in your life that might have affected your deeply?

If you answer YES to any of those questions you most likely suffer from chemical depression.

What to do next?

#2 – See your primary care doctor immediately.

If you are feeling depressed and nothing is wrong It is important that you reach out to your primary care doctor as soon as possible to tell her about your symptoms. Seeking medical help is key to dealing with depression.

Many primary care physicians are knowledgeable about the treatment of depression and can help you with treatment right away. Some primary care doctors might refer you to a psychiatrist who can help you diagnose and manage your depression.

Either way, see you doctor right away.

#3 – Stick to whatever regimen the doctor prescribes.

This is a key part of dealing with chemical depression.

What often happens is that a doctor prescribes a medication to help someone manage their depression and then once they are feeling better they stop taking it. And what happens next? The depression comes back.

So stick to your treatment. Continue to take your meds. Just like you would if your doctor had prescribed meds to help you with a thyroid issue. Or diabetes.

#4 – Surround yourself with people who love you.

Many people who suffer from chemical depression tend to isolate themselves from friends and family. Making the effort to spend time with people and to pretend to enjoy themselves is just too much. So they don ‘ t.

Make an effort to get yourself out there and spend time with people who love you. Spending time with people who make you laugh, who keep you out of your head and make you feel good about yourself is very important to managing your clinical depression.

#5 – Don ‘ t be embarrassed.

Many people who are diagnosed with chemical depression are embarrassed. Embarrassed that they can ‘ t just ‘ suck it up. ‘ That they might have some kind of personal deficiency that makes them weak in the face of this perceived disease.

Let me tell you! You are not weak. You are not lacking something that others have that make it so that you can ‘ ˜suck it up. ‘ You are actually incredibly brave for facing this issue head on.

Chemical depression is a disease caused by a chemical imbalance. The same as heart disease, the same as thyroid disease.

Chemical depression is perceived by many in society to be a personal weakness. I mean how can you be depressed if nothing is wrong? Luckily more and more people are speaking up about living with mental illness. More and more people, including many famous people, are being honest about living well with their condition and helping to eliminate the stigma about mental illness.

So, join the celebrities. Don ‘ t be embarrassed. Chemical depression is not something that you could have prevented. But it is something that you can deal with.

If you are feeling depressed but nothing is wrong then you may be struggling with clinical depression.

The best way to deal with it is to get yourself to see your doctor right away and then stick with the medical treatment they prescribe. Also make sure to take care of yourself and surround yourself with people who love you.

You, like millions of other women, can have a full and happy life living with chemical depression. All you need to do is to pick up the phone and call your doctor.

Do it TODAY!

Are you struggling with feelingdepressed but not sure why?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before the depression gets worse!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

5 Emotional Skills Women In The Best Relationships Have Mastered

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I think that most women would say that being in a great relationship is a priority in their life and yet many women struggle with the skills necessary to maintain such a relationship.

There are 5 emotional skills that women in the best relationships have mastered, skills that will allow them to have a great relationship and succeed in other areas of their life.

#1 – Believing in oneself.

This is the most basic skill that a woman must possess to be in the best relationship. Because if a woman doesn ‘ t have a good relationship with herself she will never be able to have a good relationship with others.

Women who don ‘ t believe in themselves look to others to ‘ ˜complete them. ‘ They aren ‘ t confident in their ability to make their way in the world alone and think that without a mate they will never be able to do so.

This lack of self confidence puts an incredible amount of pressure on a partner, to expect them to carry the one they love. Most people are working hard to carry themselves through life and having to carry another is a burden that is often too much to bear. And the relationship fails.

So work hard to believe in yourself. Have your own life and friends and a job that feeds your soul and your self-confidence. Carry your own weight in the world and you will be a good partner in a relationship.

#2 – Being willing and able to communicate.

Communication is essential in every relationship. Without it a relationship is doomed.

Being able to talk to your partner about everything, both the good and the bad, is a key skill to have in a good relationship. If you aren ‘ t able to tell your partner that you love them or appreciate them then you won ‘ t be able to reach the closeness that you desire.

And if you can ‘ t tell your partner that they have hurt you or that you are angry with them, and instead internalize your emotions, then your relationship will fail.

So work hard at developing good communication skills. Make an effort to verbalize your feelings, both good and bad. Tell your partner that you love them every day. Make sure that if something is amiss you talk about it before it grows into something big and destructive.

You will be glad you did.

#3 – The ability to be alone.

Maybe women struggle with being alone. Alone in their home, alone out in the world, alone.

A key part of being in a good relationship is the ability to be happy alone.

Once again, the need to rely on someone else for your happiness and ease can be very destructive in a relationship. If any time that your partner needs to do something without you you get clingy and needy then you will push your partner away.

Make an effort to learn how to be alone. Develop hobbies that you can do when your partner is away. Make plans with friends. Don ‘ t rely on your partner to keep you feeling happy and secure.

Because if you don ‘ t do so you will find yourself alone, permanently.

#4 – Being willing to talk about sex.

For whatever reason many women struggle with being able to talk about sex. And sex is a very important part of a good relationship.

What do I mean by the ability to talk about sex? I mean the ability to communicate with your partner how you feel about the sexual part of your relationship. If you are struggling with some aspect of it or particularly enjoy another.

Sex issues can wreak havoc in a good relationship and if partners aren ‘ t honest about how they are feeling the issues will snowball.

On the other hand, the ability to talk about the good parts of your sex life can only make it better. Being able to tell your partner what you like not only enhances your pleasure but talking about it outside of bed is really, really fun!

So make an effort to share your feelings about sex with your partner. And I can guarantee you if you tell your partner what you like about what he is doing he will happy to accommodate you whenever you want him to.

#5 – Being honest.

No relationship of any kind can survive without honesty.

Why? Because honesty is the basis of trust and without trust a relationship simply can ‘ t succeed.

It is essential that you are honest with your partner about everything, from the small and inconsequential to the very important, scary stuff.

If you don ‘ t like the way he slurps his coffee to the point that you don ‘ t want to drink coffee with him, tell him. If you don ‘ t like that you have to spend every Sunday morning with his parents, tell him.

Because if you are honest with your partner you can work together to resolve an issue. If you don ‘ t tell the truth then the issue will be left to fester and the relationship will founder.

So tell the truth. Let your partner know that they can rely on you to be honest with them about issues in your relationships. And if you do they will respond in kind.

And you will live happily every after!

Being in a good relationship is a wonderful thing a real possibility for people with the 5 emotional skills that women in the best relationships have mastered.

Work every day to develop and perfect the skills necessary to keep your relationship healthy and strong.

Believe in yourself, talk about how you are feelings, be okay with being alone, talk about sex and always be honest. These skills will get your far in your relationship, and in your life.

If you havereadthis far you mustreally want to develop some emotional skills?
I know change can be really, really hard. Let me help! Change IS possible.
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

Why Are Healthy Relationships Important To A Healthy Life?

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Why are healthy relationships important to a healthy life? Why is it so important that we share our lives with people who make our lives better? The reasons are many and they are worth noting.

We all want to live a healthy life. Happy, strong, loved and nurtured. And while many of think we can do it alone we can ‘ t.

Relationships can be of any sort – a romantic relationship, a familial relationship, a friendship. Having a healthy relationship of some sort is essential for a healthy life.

But I can do it alone you think. And yes you can. Being able to stand on your own is important but you do need people by your side to be truly healthy.

There are 5 elements of a healthy life and how your relationships align with those elements is very important.

#1 – Alignment of morals and values.

We all have a set of morals and values that we live by. Things that we believe are important in our everyday lives. It essential for a healthy life that anyone we have in our lives, whether a partner or a friend, shares some, if not all, of our values.

Because to live a healthy life, to live in integrity, is important. And if someone you are sharing your life with doesn ‘ t have values that are aligned with your then you won ‘ t be living a truly healthy life.

For me an important value is telling the truth. I have been in relationships where men would lie to me. As often as not they said they were trying to protect me but the truth is that lying made me feel insecure and uncomfortable. I would never lie to them ‘ ¦why can they lie to me.

All of those relationships are past now. I knew that to live a healthy life I needed to be in a healthy relationship, one with shared values.

#2 – Alignment of physical health.

Of course an essential part of living a happy life is maintaining physical health. While the goal is to eat well and exercise each of us do that to a varying degree of success. For a healthy life is important is that the people in your life have similar beliefs about physical health.

I have a client who is involved with a man who is in a different physical place than she is. She is vibrant and active and physically fit. Her man has back issues and would rather not exercise more than necessary and has less than ideal eating habits.

She loves him but she struggles with the relationship because they just can ‘ t do all of the things that she wants to do together. He does try but he just can ‘ t. She finds that she isn ‘ t living a truly healthy life because he is holding her back from the physically active life she seeks.

#3 – Alignment of mental health.

Good mental health is an essential part of a healthy life. In this crazy, jam packed and exhausting world we live in many of us struggle with depression, or worse. And part of winning that struggle is being in a healthy relationship with someone who is in a state of mental health that complements ours.

I have a client whose partner suffers from depression and has for years. My client says that she understands the depression but I am not sure if she has really accepted it. She doesn ‘ t understand why he can ‘ t ‘ ˜suck it up ‘ and rally on the days when he is depressed. This causes friction in their relationship and some days she wonders if they will survive it.

For a healthy relationship to stay healthy it is important the partners understand and accept each other ‘ s mental health, that they are willing to support them not matter what.

#4 – Alignment of community.

An essential part of a healthy life is a healthy community, a community outside of your immediate family that shares ideas and interests and values. For a healthy relationship it is important that this sense of community is shared by both parties.

A friend of mine sent her kids to a Waldorf School, an alternative school that has very strong beliefs about food, education and media consumption that are quite contrary to modern way of doing things. She believed strongly in these beliefs and jumped into the community with a full and open heart. Her involvement in this community was a huge part of the healthy life she was living.

Her husband, on the other hand, just didn ‘ t get the whole thing. He thought the educational concepts were whacko and that the other parents were weird. He refused to attend community events and if he did go he was crabby. What she needed to be healthy and happy he just didn ‘ t, and wouldn ‘ t, accept. And without that acceptance the relationship crumbled.

#5 – Alignment of finances.

Ah yes. Money. It often comes down to that.

Healthy finances are an essential part of a healthy life and if two people in a partnership are not aligned on finances the relationship will not be a healthy one.

A client of mine married someone who was very wealthy. She didn ‘ t come from a lot of money but he had a lifestyle that he wanted to maintain and she was happy to spend money to maintain that lifestyle. The issue was that her husband was very frugal and cautious about where the money went in the attainment of that lifestyle but she, because she didn ‘ t have much experience managing money, spent frivolously. This spending was a significant source of friction in their marriage and they were forced to separate.

Why are healthy relationships important for a healthy life?

Because the most important parts of our lives, morals, physical and mental health, community and finances all require balance and alignment between partners in order for us to live the healthy lives that we want.

To achieve that balance it is essential that people in relationship communicate clearly what is important to them and do whatever it take sot come to a place of understanding, support and acceptance of the 5 important pieces of a healthy life.

Are you questioning whether your relationship is healthy?

Let me help you figure it out, NOW, before your relationship suffers.

Email me at [email protected], or click here, and let’s get started!

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