7 Things that You Can Learn from Bad Relationships

Are you struggling over and over with bad relationships? Are you unhappy because you are wasting time on all these losers and wonder if you will ever find the right one?

Don’t give up!

There are a lot of lessons to be learned from bad relationships, lessons that will set you up for success when you find the right person.

What kind of lessons? Let me tell you…

#1 – What red flags look like.

If you are not familiar with the term ‘red flags’ let me explain.

Red flags are signals that there is something bad ahead.  Sometimes they are clear and sometimes they are not. Often times we ignore them. And when we do, disasters happen.

What might a red flag look like?

Some are subtle. Perhaps he talks about his ex alot, or he has a bad relationship with his mother. Perhaps he hasn’t been able to hold down a job. Perhaps he refuses to talk about anything difficult.

Some are more obvious. Perhaps he states that he doesn’t want a serious relationship or that kids are out of the questions. Perhaps he tells you that that male friend of yours has to go.

The thing about red flags is that often we see them and we ignore them or justify them away. Hopefully, bad relationships will help you to recognize that those red flags can be accurate and that, if you had only paid attention to them in the beginning, you could have spared yourself a whole lot of pain.

#2 – What not to do.

One lesson that can be learned from bad relationships is what NOT to do next time.

Many of us have behaviors that we repeat in every relationship and many of us are in serial bad relationships because of it.

For many people, we tend to personalize things that happen in a relationship. If our guy comes home late, it’s because they don’t love us. If they don’t put away their dirty laundry, they don’t respect us. If they forget our birthday, we just aren’t important to them.

And while in some cases these things might be true, more often than not things that people do have nothing to do with the other person – they have to do with misjudgment and neglect.

So, don’t take things personally – it’s not all about you.

Another thing that people tend to do in bad relationships is to be passive aggressive and to antagonize.

Instead of confronting an issue head on, many of us make snide comments on the side, hoping our person will hear our dissatisfaction and act on it. Furthermore, we continue to harp on an issue, cutting a thousand little cuts, to the point that our partner no longer cares about what our concerns are.

These are just two behaviors that derail many relationships. There are others.

Take a good hard look at what your role is in this relationship – bad relationships rarely happen because of one person’s behavior. Figure out what yours are and make note.

#3 – That enabling is not supporting.

Have you ever been in a relationship that was struggling and you tried to save it by being supportive?

Many of us, women in particular, believe that if we can just support our person that the relationship will hold. If we are patient while our partners work late hours or hold their hands when they feel insecure AGAIN about something that happened at the gym or look the other way when they have that third vodka after dinner we believe that they will notice us and stay in love with us. And that, maybe, their troubling behaviors will change.

Unfortunately, this ‘supporting’ is really more ‘enabling’ and enabling is not good in any relationship.

If you continue to look the other way when your partner gets drunk or ignores you because of work or yells at you because of their own insecurities, you are telling your partner that their behaviors are ok. And if your partners think their behaviors are ok, they will never change.

If your partner has behaviors that make you unhappy, stop supporting them. Either speak up about them or walk.

#4 – What traits you do want in a partner.

One of the clearest lessons to learn in bad relationships is what it really is that you want in a partner.

Even as we hold on to bad partners, we do start to see very clearly their shortcomings and we can therefore get a sense of what we ideally would want if we were in charge of the world.

I had a guy who I loved but who was desperately insecure, who wanted to please everyone, who had a quick temper, who lived with a ton of fear and who was in and out of jobs. I loved him but I was suffering.

When I finally broke free of that relationship I set out looking for a guy who knew who he was, who was patient and kind and steady. I was very clear about that and did ultimately find what I was seeking.

So, what do you want in a partner? Make a list. Write it down. Refer to it often.

#5 – That letting go is not giving up.

I can’t tell you how many of my clients who are struggling with letting go of love in bad relationships tell me that they aren’t walking away because they don’t want to give up! That they aren’t quitters.

And I always tell them the same thing – that there are two people in a relationship and that as long as you are the only one making the effort, or that the efforts you both are making aren’t working, then it’s not a matter of giving up. You can only control your own efforts – only you can finish that marathon – but you can’t control someone else. It’s not giving up if your partner isn’t giving their all as well.

So, if you are struggling with ‘giving up,’ don’t! Know that you can let go of a love that isn’t serving you and move on with your head held high, knowing that you did your best.

#6 – How strong you are.

For those of us who survive bad relationships (which, pretty much, we all do in the end) we know how strong we are.

By having the fortitude to let go of a love that wasn’t serving you, you are reclaiming your own power, a power that you might have lost in the struggle that was your bad relationship.

Talk to someone who has escaped from a bad situation and you will see someone who might be sad, perhaps really sad, but someone who feels powerful having been able to do it.

Letting go of bad relationships is incredibly difficult – do it and you will feel stronger then you ever have before.

#7 – That being alone is better than being unhappy.

One thing that can become very clear when you are in a bad relationship is how much better it might be to be alone than to be with someone who makes you miserable.

There is nothing worse than the day in, day out suffering of being in a bad relationship. You wake up to it, it lives with you throughout the day and is there when you go to bed at night.

Sure, when you are alone you might spend time alone on your couch binge watching Game of Thrones, but your time is your own. You can do what you want. And, while you might feel miserable that you are alone, I can promise you that it’s not as miserable as you might feel if you spend your days struggling with bad relationships.

Learning lessons from bad relationships is a key part of finding love and happiness.

The goal is to not repeat history – not at work, not with parenting, not with behaviors and not with relationships. The goal is to learn from our mistakes and move forward to find success in the future.

So, take a good look at bad relationshps that you have had in your life and take inventory of what lessons you have learned so that you can do things differently in the future!

You can do it! True love is out there waiting for you!

Are you struggling with a bad relationship?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before you waste too much time struggling!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

 

 

 

How Do You Know if You Love Someone as Much as They Love You

How do you know if you love someone as much as they love you? It’s a really important question to ask.

Love is complicated and because human beings so want to be in love we are sometimes desperate to hold on to someone we aren’t sure we love because we WANT to love them.

On the other hand, many of us are so scared of love, often because of past hurts, that trusting whether or not they are in love can be difficult.

With both those things in mind, it’s important to carefully examine how do you know if you love someone as much as they love you.

#1 – You know what love is – and you feel it.

Do you know the difference between being in love with someone and loving someone? It is very important to understand the difference between the two.

I believe that when you are in love with someone you feel the feelings that you read about in books. When you see your person your heart leaps a little bit, you long for their touch, you want to know everything about them, spending time together is lovely and you care about their hopes and dreams.

I believe that when you love someone, as opposed to being in love with someone, your feelings are more feelings of friendship. You feel peaceful and happy being with them and support them in their endeavors but that feeling of your heart leaping, of relishing their physical touch, just isn’t there.

So, how do you feel when you see your person? Does your heart leap or do you just feel peaceful? It’s an important distinction and one that only you can know.

#2 – Things are evenly balanced.

When you love someone as much as they love you, you will find that you meet each other equally. You both want to spend time together, you both do nice things for each other, you equally share in the give and take in the relationship.

When love is uneven, more often than not, one person is giving way more than the other. And both sides are uncomfortable with this. The person who is giving too much feels like they are not being appreciated and the person who is giving less feels unhappy with the power dynamic in the relationship.

What does your relationship look like? Do you enjoy giving to your partner and much as he or she gives to you? If not, they might love you more than you love them.

#3 – They don’t bug you.

When you are in a relationship where the love is equal you will find that you are never aggravated by the way your partner touches you. It doesn’t bug you that they want to spend so much time with you or asks you questions about your day. You are most always happy to be with them and their attentions don’t cause you any aggravation.

Do you find that your partner bugs you in a way that feels uncomfortable to you? Do you wish you were more receptive to their attentions? If the answer is yes, you might not love them as much as they love you.

#4 – You aren’t always questioning the relationship.

One answer to how do you know if you love someone as much as they love you has to do with how much time do you spend questioning the relationship.

Do you think that you want to be in this relationship but just aren’t sure? Do you think about whether you are making a mistake in committing to this person? Do you spend time thinking about other people instead? Do you find yourself rationalizing your relationship more often than not?

People who love someone else as much as they love them don’t constantly question the relationship. They are secure in the fact the love is real and equal and that a commitment to it is a smart one.

#5 – Your attention doesn’t wander.

Do you find yourself looking at other people and wondering if, for whatever reason, you might be interested in a relationship with them?

Do your friends introduce you to other people who they think might be better for you?

If either of these things are the case, your feelings for your partner might not be equal to theirs. People who are in love with their partner don’t go seeking other potential mates. People whose love is equal with their partner’s, who enjoy spending time with them, enjoy their physical touch and aren’t questioning things don’t look at other people as potential mates.

What about you? Do your eyes wander?

So, how do you know if you love someone as much as they love you?

It seems like a difficult question to answer but really the signs are clear.

If you have that ‘heart skip’ kind of feeling when you see your person, if the things you do for each other are basically balanced, if being with them doesn’t annoy you and you aren’t always questioning the relationship then chances are good your love for each other is balanced.

So, now that you have a sense of how you feel, it’s on you to run with it.

If things are balanced, yay!

If they aren’t, you have a choice to make – will you continue to stay with this person, trying to see if you can make it work, potentially wasting both of your times, or are you going to let this person go so that both of you can find the person you are meant to be with?

Good luck! You can do it!

Are you struggling with wondering if you love someone as much as they love you?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before you waste too much time wondering!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

 

How to be Assertive in Relationships

Are you wondering how to be assertive in relationships? Is yours struggling and are you worried that your lack of assertiveness may  be part of the problem?

I have built a business around helping people who are struggling in relationships. Unfortunately, there are many people struggling because relationships are really, really hard.

More than any other reason, I believe lack of assertiveness as the basis of many relationship issues, for both men and women.

Most women aren’t naturally assertive – we tend to sit back and follow other people’s lead and be happy enough with the outcome.

Men often lack assertiveness because they want to keep the peace but, in the end, they are left bitterly unhappy.

Fortunately, many of us have learned the skill of assertiveness in relationships and we have figure out the best things to do.

So, let me share with you my secrets about how to be assertive in relationships.

#1 – Have self-awareness.

People who are assertive in relationship are people who know themselves and they know what they want in a relationship.

I know when I was married, I knew I was unhappy but I didn’t know why. When we went to marriage counseling there was always discussion around the nebulous cloud that was my unhappiness but we never attacked it directly because I couldn’t define what it was.

Since I have become more self-aware, I have realized what happiness means to me – to be noticed, to be heard, to be valued, to be seen. When those things happen, I feel loved and I am happy.

If you aren’t self aware, take some time to develop that personality trait. Take stock of what is important to you in a relationship so that you know what to ask for when the time comes.

#2 – Be self-confident.

People who are assertive in relationships are very often self-confident.

Why? Because to be able to ask for what you want in a relationship, you have to believe in yourself, in your self-worth.

I know many people who are self-aware, who know what they want in a relationship, but who don’t ask for it because they don’t believe themselves to be worthy. And if you don’t ask, you don’t get.

Taking stock of why you are worthy, in the world and in love, will get you a long way towards being assertive in a relationship and getting you the love that you seek.

#3 – Communicate clearly.

So, let’s say you know what you want and you believe that you are worthy of getting it but you have no freaking idea of how to ask for it.

You are there, sitting across from your person, having a heart to heart and when the time comes to ask for what you want you just can’t find the words. And if you don’t have the words to ask for what you want, how are you going to get it?

Are you a good communicator? If you are, great! If you aren’t, find a friend, or a life coach, and have them work with you to find the words to ask for what you want. It’s not as hard as it seems – it’s a skill that needs to be cultivated, just like any other.

#4 – Use your intuition.

My husband used to say that he would never be able to have an affair because my Spidey-sense would just know. I used to laugh but I know that it’s true – it was hard for him to get away with anything, good or bad, because my intuition was usually dead on.

People who have a strong intuition that they can rely on are usually excellent at being assertive in relationships. Why? Because people who are intuitive trust their gut. They trust that they know what they want and believe that their instincts around others are dead on.

By having faith in oneself, and one’s perceptions of others, it is easy to speak up and ask for what you want because you truly believe.

If you don’t already, listen when your gut tells you something. If you have a ‘feeling’ that something is off, trust that feeling. Don’t rationalize it away. Speak up!

#5 – Be resolute.

Being assertive in relationships is simply impossible without being resolute.

Do you know that person, perhaps you see her in the mirror, who just can’t make up her mind?

She knows that she wants something but she can’t quite put her finger on what it is. As a result, when she tries to ask for what she wants she fails because there is no conviction behind her words.

How does one cultivate the personality trait of being resolute? Start small. Choose one thing that is important to you and do it, no matter what. Set your intention and don’t let anything get in your way.

Once you see the power of what happens if you set your mind to something you will want to practice it in all areas of your life.

Learning how to be assertive in relationships is very important and can be a challenge but one worth meeting.

In this crazy world, we need to identify what it is we want, we need to believe that we are worthy, we need to be able to speak to what those things are, we need to trust our gut and we need to be resolute in making it happen.

Don’t spend your life and love allowing things to just happen, hoping for the best. Decide what you want in a relationship and go for it! NOW!

Are you struggling with being assertive in relationships?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before your relationship falls apart!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

How to Know When to End a Relationship That is Making You Miserable

Are you wondering how to end a relationship because you are in one right now that is making you miserable?  Are you scared about what’s next and wondering how to know when to end a relationship because right now you are feeling nothing but pain?

Let me help you.

Deciding to let go of someone you love is a very hard thing to do.  Much like the hope that a coma victim will wake up, the hope of resurrecting lost love is one that’s hard to let go of.

So how do you decide? Check out my list below. If any, or all, of these criteria fit your situation then perhaps it’s time to end your relationship and move on.

#1 – Do you guys still have fun?

The first question to ask yourself is do you and your guy still have fun together?

I know that you did in the beginning. You would stay up late at night talking about things, you would go on grand adventures and enjoy just being together and laughing.

Do you still do that regularly? Perhaps the intial excitement has tapered off some but do you still enjoy each other’s company? Does your heart skip a beat when he walks into the room. Do you choose time with each other, more often than not, over time with others?

If the fun is gone from your relationship then it might be time to get out. Once problems start we always hope that we can get to that exciting beginning place but if the fun and enjoyment is gone, it’s hard to replace it.

#2 – Is he giving you mixed messages?

Is your man alternating hot and cold? Do some days he seem like his loving self and then others is he crabby and distant and no fun to be with?

Unless your man has bi-polar disorder, a man who is playing up and down with his woman is a man no longer interested.

If a man wants something, particularly a woman, he will move heaven and earth to get it. If your man only wants you some days and not others then he isn’t making any effort at all to keep you.

So, unless your man is always hot for you, let him go.

#3 – Does he have nothing to give you?

Having a man who runs hot and cold can be very upsetting. Even worse, but harder to spot, is a man who gives you nothing.

Has your man stopped asking how you are doing? Has he stopped asking you out on dates or bringing home the groceries or including you in activities with his friends?  Does he no longer listen when you talk or seem to care at all about what you think?

A man like this is a man who has nothing left to give to the woman he used to love.

Unfortunately, for many women, when they are trying to save a relationship that was once so promising, they become so obsessed with saving it that they don’t notice how little of it still exists.

They will talk more to fill in the silences left by the absence of questions. They will invite themselves along on outings they weren’t invited to. They will plan things that the two of them can do together. As a result, women don’t notice that their man has completely checked out.

So, take a moment and think about your relationship. What has your man done for you lately? If the list is short then it’s time to let him go.

#4 – Does history keeps repeating itself.

Are you and your guy stuck in a cycle of good and bad, up and down, highs and lows? Are there days when things feel almost like they used to and then days when things are so bad that you want to cry?

Does your man tell you that he needs space and disappear only to reappear a few weeks later telling you how much he misses you? Do you fight over the same subjects over and over? Are you stuck in a cycle of misery?

If you find yourself in these kinds of patterns, where things are never constantly good but rather a roller coaster of emotions that is sucking you dry, then it’s time to let go.

#5 – Are you staying for the wrong reasons?

Be honest. Do you sometimes think that you just can’t let this guy go because you believe if you do that you will never love, or be loved, again?

Do you think about going back on Match.com or that you might have to attend the Christmas party alone and feel nothing but dread at the prospect?

If you are feeling this way then it’s definitely time to let go of your man. If you are staying with your guy because you are worried that there won’t ever be someone else then you are staying with him for the wrong reasons.

Because there will be another love out there for you but you will never find him if you are stuck a relationship that isn’t making you happy. If you can let go of this one then you will set yourself up, physically and energetically, to find that person who will love you forever.

I am guessing that, if you are reading this article, you are wondering how to know when to end a relationship because you suspect, deep down, that yours isn’t the one for you.

But it’s hard to admit this and even harder to let go.

It is essential, for your mental health and the health of your future love life, that you pay hard attention to whether it’s time to let go of a lost love.

Do you guys still have fun? Is he treating you well and consisently? Are you worried you will never love again?

Ask yourself these questions and, if the answers fit, be determined to let go of your lost love.

And just how do you do that? Check out this article: 5 Life Saving Ways to Let Go of Someone Who Doesn’t Love You so that You Can Be Happy. It will guide you, step by step, through a process that might be difficult but that will be worth it in the long run.

You CAN do this!

Are you struggling with how to know when to end a relationship
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before the pain gets to be too much!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

How To Stop Feeling Depressed At Night: 7 Tips That Really Work

Are you struggling with depression and wondering how to stop feeling depressed at night?

Depression is horrible and, for some reason, it seems to get worse at night. There is something about the sun going down and the silence settling in that makes our depression seem more profound. How exciting is it that daylight savings time is here and the nights are getting shorter!

I have lived with depression for years and have some tips to share with you today that will definitely help you manage your nighttime depression.

For me, there are two separate times of the night that need to be managed: the evening hours before bed and then the time during the night when I wake up. I have tips for both times of the night because they are a little bit different to deal with, I believe.

What to do in the evening, before bed:

#1 – Keep your mind busy.

An important part of how to stop feeling depressed at night is to keep your mind busy during the evening hours.

The thing about nighttime is that we often don’t have enough to do so our brains, instead of being productive, go down the path towards all the things that are wrong in our life which then leads to, and deepens, our depression. It’s important to stop your thoughts from going down that path before they even start.

Things like reading, watching your favorite show on Netflix and talking or texting with a friend are all things that will keep your mind busy during the night and away from all of the negative self-talk.

I would definite encourage you to stay off social media if you are feeling depressed. Sometimes social media makes you feel more connected to the world, but, more often than not, social media can make you feel isolated and less than. So, text away with a friend but spending hours on Snap Chat or Instagram will not serve you well.

#2 – Do things that comfort you.

An important part of managing how to stop feeling depressed at night is to do things that comfort you.

For me, a cup of tea and a hot bath go a long way towards making me feel loved and comforted. I also have a weighted blanket that I curl up under when I watch TV. Something about the weight on your body has been clinically proven to make a big difference with people who are struggling with depression and anxiety.

What are things that would comfort you at night? Take stock of those things now, by the light of day, so you can have them at the ready.

Ice cream and sugar are things many people turn to but I would encourage you to stay away from those things at night because they could interfere with your sleep. If you must have sugar, the earlier in the evening the better.

#3 – Journal.

If you find that you have not been able to stop those negative thoughts in their tracks, a good thing to do if you’re feeling depressed at night is to journal.

There’s something about getting those negative thoughts out of your head and onto paper that makes them easier to manage. Sometimes when we see our thoughts written out on paper they become less powerful because we can see them more clearly.

If you don’t have an official journal, that’s okay. You can just get a notebook and write things down or, if you want to, you can use your computer. I find that using a pen and paper is the most effective for me.

#4 – Know that the morning will come.

An important part of how to stop feeling depressed at night is to keep in mind that, no matter what, the morning and the sunshine will come.

Sometimes, that nighttime depression makes us think that we will never get through the night, that we will never see the light of day. That our depression will overwhelm us and the night will never end.

But night has never not turned to day. And with day, comes work and friends and activities and sunshine. Even if it continues, depression can seem not so heavy during the light of day.

What to do if you wake up in the middle of the night:

#1 – Don’t lay there ruminating.

If you wake up in the middle of the night and find that your depression comes roaring back because all of your negative thoughts wake up with you, a really important thing to do is to not lie there, ruminating.

Instead, pick up your book or a magazine, but not your phone, to distract your mind from those thoughts. They say that reading for 20 minutes if you wake up increases your chances of falling back asleep than if you just lie there working yourself up, thinking about things.

So, keep some reading material next to your bed so if you wake up at night you don’t spend those precious sleep hours in your head.

You’ll be much better able to face the next day if you get enough sleep and that will in turn will help you manage your depression.

#2 – Use a calming app.

There are lots of calming apps out there now that can help ease your anxiety and depression during the nighttime. They use meditation, music, words of affirmation and other means to help your body and mind stay calm at night.

My favorite is Calm but I know there are others. Do some looking and see what works for you.

#3 – Know that the morning will come.

Again, when we are lying awake at night it’s often hard to believe that the long night hours will ever end. But if there’s one thing you can believe, always, it’s that the sun will rise.

So, don’t sink into the darkness of the night. Have hope that tomorrow will come and, with it, another day.

Good for you for getting ahead of your depression and trying to figure out how to stop feeling depressed at night.

Nighttime depression can be completely debilitating but managing it is not impossible.

In the evening hours, make an effort to keep your mind occupied, give yourself comfort, write out your words and have hope for tomorrow. Overnight, again try to keep your mind from sabotaging you and use those apps to help you get back to sleep.

If you are struggling with depression and these tips don’t help, I would definitely encourage you to reach out to your primary care doctor to talk to them about more ways to manage your depression. It’s important to stay on top of it so that it doesn’t get worse.

You can do it!

Are you struggling with night time depression?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before the pain gets to be too much!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

What Kind of Woman Never Gives Up On Her Dreams?

What kind of woman never gives up on her dreams? That is a question that I get asked all the time.

In my many years as a life coach, I have worked with all sorts of women. They all come to me looking for help through difficult times and some of them have more success than others.

When I look back at those who have made it through those difficult times, I can see 5 personality traits all women who never give up have in common.

So what kind of woman never gives up?

# 1 – She is self-confident.

Without exception, the kind of woman who never gives up is self-confident.

Women who are self-confident know who they are in the world, know what they’re capable of and have life experience that shows them that they can do what they need to do if they try hard enough.

Ironically, many women build self-confidence as they successfully navigate their difficult times. One of my clients was deserted by her husband, leaving her alone and feeling worthless. While she worked hard to get her life back, she developed a steely self-confidence because she knew she was going through hell and back and was prevailing.

Self-confidence is a key part of knowing that you have resilience and that you will be okay.

#2 – She is determined.

Women who never give up on their dreams are determined. Always.

Picture yourself running a marathon. You reach mile 13 and you say to yourself I will never be able to do this. A woman who has no resilience would pull over to the side of the road and drink the proffered lemonade, happy enough that they have made it as far as they did.

A woman who is resilient would never give up. They would run until the end of that race no matter what kind of pain and suffering they experienced. They would be so determined to finish what they started that they would make it happen.

If you aren’t determined to finish what you start, to reach a goal or to get through a difficult period, you’ll never be able to do it. Before you start on your journey, ask yourself how determined you are. That level of determination will be a measure of your potential for success.

#3 – She is flexible.

A woman who never gives up is a woman who is flexible. A woman who believes that their way is the right way or the only course of action is a woman who will be stymied in their journey to get through difficult times.

I remember when I was getting a divorce I was determined that I would find love again as soon as possible. I joined Match.com and started dating every eligible man I encountered.

Surprise, surprise. I didn’t find love. Instead, I was extremely frustrated at the lack a connection I had with these men. Rather than continuing on my initial course of action, finding love immediately, I decided to turn attention away from finding love towards building my business instead.

To my surprise, building my business did more to get me through those hard times than finding love ever would have.

If I hadn’t been flexible in my perspective, and instead stayed on my original course, I might never have been resilient enough to get through those dark times.

#4 – She is persistently hopeful.

There is something about that woman who is persistently hopeful. They believe that, the matter what, everything is going to turn out fine. Someone who is persistently hopeful is someone who can be sometimes very annoying, especially when we are struggling.

A woman who is persistently hopeful, however, is someone who never gives up. No matter what obstacles are placed in front of them, they believe that everything will be okay. They know, deep in their heart, that they can get through difficult times and out the other side intact.

If you aren’t a persistently hopeful person consider developing this personality trait. If you truly believe that everything will work out in the end then it most likely will.

#5 – She is resourceful.

Resourcefulness is a key part of never giving up.

Women who are resourceful have a plan. Women who are resourceful have resources they can tap into to make things happen. Women who are resourceful know people who can help them on their journey. Women who are resourceful are people who know, no matter what obstacles present themselves, they will figure out a way to get around them.

I always ask my clients what kind of tools they already having their toolbox to help them deal with difficult times. Who can support them? What kind of books can they read? What kind of experiences have they had in the past that they can draw from that might be helpful in the situation?

When you are going through difficult times, and you need resilience more than anything, look around at the resources you have available to you to help you move forward and be successful.

In my experience, women who never give up share common personality traits.

They have self-confidence, determination, flexibility, persistent hopefulness and resourcefulness. They use those personality traits every day to get them through difficult times

Fortunately, all of these personality traits are ones that you can develop with consciousness and action. When you are going through dark times, dig deep and find your self-confidence. Set out to be determined always and be flexible when necessary. Always keep an eye out for that person or thing who can help you on your journey and know that it’s all going to be okay.

Be the kind of woman who never gives up on their dreams and, really, everything will be okay!

I promise.

Are you struggling with never giving up, no matter what?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before giving up feels like the only option!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

21 ‘How To Let Go Of Love’ Quotes That Will Help You Move On

Sharing how to let go of love quotes is one of my favorite things to do as a relationship coach.

I have written countless articles about how to know when to let go of love, how to do it and what to do next. I counsel women every day and support them through this tumultuous time.

Today, I was going to write another article but instead decided to share the wisdom of others. I truly believe that sharing in the experience of others with a broken heart is one of the best ways for us to heal.

Every day thousands of people, like you, have their hearts broken. And, every day, broken hearts are healed and life goes on. Hearing the words of others, and listening to their stories, can help you let go of love and move forward in life.

So, let’s begin.


Every time I think about you, I have to remind myself that if you wanted to talk to me, you would. – Anon


Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself. Deborah Reber


Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destinySteve Maraboli


Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you downRoy T. Bennett


Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake and help us see we are worth so much more than we’re settling forMandy Hale


Today expect something good to happen to you no matter what occurred yesterday. Realize the past no longer holds you captive. It can only continue to hurt you if you hold on to it. Let the past go. A simply abundant world awaits. Sarah Ban Breathnach


The truth was, he now belonged only to my past, and it was time I begin to accept it, as much as it hurt to do soTammara Webber


I loved with every inch of my being, but I realized one day if loving him meant losing me then loving him was not enough any anymore. Nikki Rowe


The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leavingElizabeth Gilbert


Holding on is believing that there’s a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future. Daphne Rose Kingma


I think that you never fall out of love with somebody; you just let go and move on. Ashley Rickards


The most difficult aspect of moving on is accepting that the other person already did. Faraaz Kazi


You don’t need strength to let go of something. What you really need is understanding.  Guy Finley


Letting go does not mean you stop caring. It means you stop trying to force others to.  Mandy Hale


It’s not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential.  Bruce Lee    


Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose. Lyndon B. Johnson


If you’re going through hell, keep goingWinston Churchill


Sometimes the hardest part isn’t letting go but rather learning to start over. Nicole Sobon


Sometimes you have to take a step back to move forwardErika Taylor


It hurts to let go, but sometimes it hurts more to hold on. Anon


Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it. Justin Timberlake

Learning how to let go of love is something that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy because the pain is truly like none other.

How to let go of love quotes can really help when you need it most.

Remember, in the words of Coco Ginger – ‘When we are in love, we are convinced nobody else will do. But as time goes, others do do, and often do do, much much better.’

If you are letting go of love, know that this is not your last love but that letting go of this one opens the door for a new, better, love to come in.

I promise.

If you’ve made it this far you must really be struggling with how to let go of love.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before you get even more stuck.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

5 Tips For Letting Go Of Love With Love For Yourself

Do you wake up every day, struggling with a break-up that has left you devastated? Are you wondering about tips for letting go of love with love for yourself?

Has all the reading that you’ve done, all the conversations that you have had with friends, all the things that you’ve heard from your mother, are they all helping you understand that the best way for you to get over your loss is by learning to love yourself?

It’s true! The best way to truly recover from a break-up is to start loving yourself fully and completely.

So, what are some ideas for letting go of love with love for yourself?

#1 – Do things that comfort you.

When your heart is broken and you feel like your life is over, one of the best things that you can do is self-care. Your body and your spirit may feel broken but some nurturing will help them heal.

When my husband left me, I was left devastated and alone. My house was empty, my kids were gone and my husband no longer came home at the end of the day. My days were endless and I didn’t know how I was going to survive being alone.

One day, a Groupon appeared in my inbox from Massage Envy, offering a 60 minute massage for $40. I had nothing to do so I bought the Groupon and I made an appointment for a massage.

That massage was one of the best hours of my life. I was in a warm room, on a cozy table and I had a lovely woman attending to my aches and pains, making me feel loved and cared for.

I realized that day, when I am emerged from the spa feeling rejuvenated and alive, that doing things that comforted me was what I would need to help me moving forward.

From that day on, I would spend some time every day doing things to take care of myself. I did yoga, went for walks, spent time antiquing with girlfriends and drank whiskey by the fire on cold winter nights.

By nurturing myself, by loving myself, I was able to get the strength that I needed to let go of the loss of my marriage. I was truly letting go of love with love for myself.

#2 – Do things that make you feel good.

Another thing that I did during the months after my husband left was I started volunteering at a local food bank.

Volunteering was good for me for two reasons. The first was that it filled hours in my day, hours that I might otherwise have spent wallowing in my pain. Instead, I spent those hours helping those in need get food to feed their families. I met many people and saw a lot of tears, and even more smiles, during those hours at the food bank. I recognized how fortunate I was for all that I had and seeing the strength and perseverance of people who were going hungry gave me strength to take care of myself.

A big part of loving yourself is taking care of other people. If you have the opportunity in your day to help another person, do it. There’s nothing better than helping someone in need to nurture love of self.

#3 – Spend time with those who love you.

When your heart is broken and you are feeling alone, one of the best remedies is spending time with those who love you.

Spending time with those who love you will remind you of all the reasons why you should love yourself.

A client of mine was recently left by a man she considered to be the love for life. What he really was was an abuser, someone who isolated her from her family and friends, who belittled her and made her believe that she was nothing. By the time he left, she had no love for herself. Only self-hate.

Because she was left without a place to live, my client returned home. Her parents welcomed her with open arms. Her brothers and sisters who lived nearby came over regularly. Her family circled the wagons and showed her their love.

Being surrounded by people who loved her and who believed in her helped my client start to remember the woman who she used to be. When she started loving herself again she was able to see how much her man had hurt her and how much better off she was without him.

So, if you are dealing with the loss of lover, reconnect with your friends and family. They love you for who you are and that’s exactly what you need to be reminded of right now.

#4 – Accomplish something.

Soon after I got divorced, I decided to get my life coach certification. I had always been a wife and a mother but I decided it was time to follow my life goal of being a healer.

Once I was certified, I set down the daunting path of building my own business. Starting a life coach business, building a website, figuring out marketing, networking and attracting clients was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Some days I woke up so frustrated, wanting to just throw in the towel and go get a regular job

But I didn’t. I persevered. And, over the course of the past six years, I have built a thriving life coaching business where every day I help men and women navigate their lives so that they can be happy.

Making something of myself after being left behind by my husband enabled me to let go of the pain of the loss because I knew that I was amazing, that I could do anything and that any man who didn’t want to be with me was missing out.

What do you want to do? If you are struggling with letting go of love, it’s time to take that step. Be the person you’ve always wanted to be, do what you have always wanted to do.

#5 – Make a list of all you have to offer.

Those of us who are single all have a list of attributes that we want in a man. We want them to be smart and funny and handsome and athletic and successful and more. And, of course, we should want those things. Because we are awesome.

I always encourage my clients to not only make a list of the attributes they want in a man but to make a list of why a man would be lucky to have them.

My list looks something like this: I am a good friend, a great mother and an exceptional caregiver. I am tough as nails, I have lived all over the world, I am intelligent, funny, kind and successful at whatever I try. I am willing to take risks. I’m willing to make myself vulnerable. Any man would be lucky to have me.

I typed up this list and put it on my refrigerator. Every day, instead of reading a list of what I wanted in a man, I read a list of why a man should want to be with me. Every day I remind myself that loving myself is the key to letting go of the love that I have lost and finding a new love for my future.

Letting go of love with love for yourself is one of the healthiest ways to get through these difficult times.

It’s so easy to focus on everything that is wrong with you when you have been rejected but DON’T.

Do things to take care of yourself, do things to take care of the world, spend time with family and friends who love you, accomplish something and take stock of what an amazing woman you are.

I know it seems like the pain of your loss will last forever but I can promise you that learning to love yourself will help ease the pain in the short run and set you up to find the love of your life down the road.

You can do it!

Are you struggling with letting go of love and finding yourself?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

5 Helpful Tips For Setting Boundaries In Your Marriage

Have you just walked down the aisle with the most amazing person and are you now looking for helpful tips for setting boundaries in your marriage?

Good for you for being proactive and let me help!

Healthy boundaries are very important in any healthy marriage. But what are boundaries, exactly?

To understand healthy relationship boundaries, look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds your life together.  They hold your food and your bed and your possessions and it’s where you live your life.

Healthy relationship boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your relationship as it grows. To have a healthy marriage, one that can grow and be fruitful, it is important that it has structures, boundaries, that support it.

Healthy relationship boundaries come in many shapes, sizes and colors and they are essential and appropriate for every relationship, whether it be new and exciting or more settled and safe, like marriage.

Now that you know what boundaries are let’s talk about how to get them.

#1 – Look at individual needs.

The best place to start when setting boundaries in your marriage is for each of you to look at your own individual needs. A key part of identifying potential boundaries is for each of you to see what is important for your own individual happiness.

I know, in my relationship, what is important to me is that I have quality time with my partner every day. I also know that I want to be given the freedom to pursue my hobbies and my interests, I want to have openness and transparency in our communication and I want to be treated with respect.

Knowing what I need in my marriage allows me to understand what the composition of my boundary walls should be. If I didn’t do that consideration, and figure out what is important to me, then I might have built those walls out of things that weren’t strong enough to frame my marriage and that might cause those walls to fail.

So, both of you, take some time and identify what is important to you as an individual in your marriage.

#2 – Compare lists.

Once you have each individually defined your needs it is time for you to share those needs with your partner.

I took my list to my partner and I was not surprised to learn that our two lists overlapped. It was very important to him that he have time to spend pursuing his hobbies, mainly skiing and woodworking. It was also important to him that he spends time with his mother, that we don’t yell at each other when angry and that we not to be rigid in our boundaries.

It was good for us to compare our lists because by doing so we had a conversation about what was important for each of us, raising awareness that we could use for creating boundaries and, as we go forward, living our life together.

I know, with my ex-husband, we never did this. We just entered into married life with no thought as to what it would look like and, within a few years, we were both drowning, confused and at a loss as to what was going wrong.

#3 – Set priorities.

Once you have merged your lists, it’s important that you set priorities. Sometimes it’s impossible to accommodate every one of each other’s needs but it’s important that everybody’s most important needs are met.

For me, my most important needs were face-to-face, regular quality time and being honest with each other. For my partner, it was important to him that he could spend time on his own and that yelling at each other would be taboo.

Of course, the other things, like his mother and my need for effective communication, are important and part of our definition of our boundaries but we both expressed what were deal breakers in the composition of our boundary walls. We knew that these priorities would be respected and, if they were, our marriage would be stronger.

#4 – Define success.

A very important thing to do, once you have defined your boundaries and set your priorities, is to write down what success would look like. Specifically.

For me, regular face-to-face quality time meant that for at least 15 minutes every night we put down our phones and our computers and turn away from the television and look each other in the eye and talk to each other. For my partner, being able to ski two weekends a month and working in his woodshop on Sunday mornings would be important to him.

It is essential that each of you understand specifically what the other sees as success. For many of us, we just guess at what our partner wants from us and, because of that, sometimes we fail.

So, be as specific with each other as you can. Set yourselves up for success.

#5 – Put it in writing.

The final step for setting boundaries in your marriage is to write it all down.

Conversations are great but putting what you discussed in writing allows you both to more clearly see, and remember, the boundaries that you have established. You can refer to them when you’re questioning what they might be and trying to remember what they look like specifically.

So, write them down and keep them some place where you both have easy access. As your marriage moves on through the months and years, you should regularly revisit the boundaries that you have set, updating them as necessary and re-familiarizing yourself with what they look like.

There is nothing better than writing things down to keep us accountable and familiar.

Setting boundaries in your marriage is an essential part of setting yourself up for success.

Marriages are long and they can be challenging and doing whatever work you can do ahead of time is key.

Work individually to define what you want, come together to see where you overlap and are different, set your priorities, define successes and write it all down.

Doing these things early in your marriage will help ensure a long, healthy, happy marriage, the kind you committed yourself to on the altar that day.

You can do it!


Are you struggling with setting boundaries in your marriage?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

What To Do When You’re Feeling Depressed, Isolated And Lost

Has your life gotten to that place where you are feeling depressed, isolated and lost all the time?

Are you feeling hopeless, alone and full of dread and worried about what the future will hold?

If you are, I am so sorry. Being depressed and feeling alone is a horrible place to be!

Fortunately, there are things you can do to stop feeling depressed, isolated and lost all the time.

#1 – Figure out the why.

There are two kinds of depression, situational and chemical. They have similar symptoms but different causes. Knowing what kind of depression you have is the first step to dealing with it.

Situational depression is caused by something that happens in your life. When something big happens that makes you sad, like the death of a parent or a divorce or the loss of a job, you can become situationally depressed. This kind of depression usually has a beginning, caused by a specific event, and an end, and is often treated differently from chemical depression.

Chemical depression is the result your brain chemistry being off in such a way that leads to depression. You are most often born with chemical depression but it can also by caused by a traumatic life event.

Chemical depression can happen to you even if your life is going great.

So, ask yourself some questions about what your life looks like these days to help you figure out what kind of depression you might have.

If you think you have situational depression, read on. If you think you have chemical depression here is an article for you to read to learn more about next steps.

#2 – Do what makes you feel good.

When we are feeling depressed, isolated and lost, our inclination is to collapse into our life. We stay in bed, we don’t shower or eat well and cut off contact with those we love.

Let me tell you: if you are feeling depressed, collapsing is absolutely the worst thing that you can do. Instead, it is important to do things that make you feel good.

For me, I keep a list of things to do when I am feeling depressed. 1. Take a long, hard walk (the endorphins are great for my depression). 2. Do yoga. 3. Watch The Walking Dead. 4. Take a bath. 5. Go to the movies. 6. Have sex. 7. Eat Pad Thai. When I am depressed I do one, or all, of those things and my depression is often lifted.

So, what makes you happy? Write out a list, when you aren’t depressed, of what makes you happy so that when you are depressed you are ready.

#3 – Occupy your mind.

Unfortunately, when we are feeling depressed, isolated and lost, our worst enemy is that brain of ours.

While we are lying on the couch feeling sorry for ourselves, our brain is actively buying into it all.

You are a loser, it says. You have no friends. You aren’t good at anything. You will never find love.  You suck at your job. And on and on.

And, chances are, that none of those things are true. That you are not a loser, you have plenty of friends, you are talented, love is out there and your boss thinks you are doing great. But your brain, when you are depressed, just doesn’t go there.

It is really important, when you are feeling depressed and isolated, to keep your brain busy.  Yoga is a really good way to do this – you are so busy trying to figure out the damn pose that you don’t have a chance to think about anything. It also has the side benefit of toning your body and making you feel strong, which can be helpful.

Other options for keeping your mind quiet are: reading, going to a movie, hanging out with friends, working. Meditation is also an option but I just get more depressed when I try, and fail, to meditate. If you can do it, go for it!

What do you like to do that will help you quiet that mind of yours, the mind that is feeding into those feelings that are bringing you down? Figure it out and do it!

#4 – Choose your playmates carefully.

One of the most important things to manage when we are depressed is our environment. In your bed and your pjs on might feel the most comfortable but they might not be the best option for getting better.

The same attention needs to be paid to who you spend time with when you are feeling depressed. If there are people in your life who bring you down then avoiding them when you aren’t doing well is very important.

My mother was very difficult to spend time with when I was depressed. She was always trying to talk me out of my depression by pretending that it didn’t exist or telling me to just snap out of it. Both of those things just made me feel worse. So, I avoided her when I wasn’t doing well. It was best for both of us.

Consider who you shouldn’t spend time with when you are depressed and avoid them. On the same note, think about who would be a good person to be with and make a date with them right now!

#5 – Call your doctor.

If everything else fails and still you find yourself feeling depressed, isolated and lost, then it’s time to call your primary care doctor.

Feeling consistently depressed and anxious might indicate some serious health problems and getting a complete check-up from your doctor could be really important.

Your doctor can take a look at all aspects of your life and help you come up with a plan for managing your depression and anxiety so that they don’t get worse. Which they will do if they are left untreated and allowed to persist.

Remember, your doctor won’t judge. There are lots of people who feel just like you do every day and that’s what doctors are there for – to help us all.

If you are feeling depressed, isolated and lost it’s important that you do something about it and do something about it now!

Do a quick assessment of your life and try to figure out what kind of depression you might have. Take care of yourself, make yourself happy, keep your brain busy, control who you spend time with and, if necessary, see your doctor.

Depression can go away on it’s own if properly managed but will get worse if left untreated. So, try the things that I recommended above but always pay attention to how you are doing. If you are getting worse and not better, get help!

You can do it!


If you have ready this far you must really be struggling with depression?


Let me help, NOW, before it gets out of control!


Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!