Good for you for taking time to learn how to make your girlfriend feel safe, secure and loved in your relationship.
Relationships are wonderful but fraught with opportunities for things to go wrong. Men and women come at life from such different places and sometimes its hard for men to recognize what his girlfriend needs to feel safe.
And safe is something that women always say they are looking for in a man and they mean it.
And, of course, you want to give her that. What man wouldn’t?
But how the hell do you do that? What will make your girlfriend feel safe, secure and loved in your relationship? Let me tell you…
#1 – Listen to her.
The most important thing to make your girlfriend feel safe is for her to know that you are listening to her.
That when she talks you are paying attention and understanding what she is saying and feeling.
While you might be inclined to think that you need to ‘fix’ her to make her feel safe, in reality really all she wants you to do is to listen and let her know that you are there for her.
So, next time your girl opens up to you, sit down and pay attention. Hold her hand, empathize with her feelings and confirm for her that you hear her, that you are there and that you always will be.
#2 – Follow through.
Are you one of those people who doesn’t always do what you say you are going to do? Your intentions are good but things get in the way of you being able to follow through.
Do you tell your girl that you will be home at 6 even if you aren’t going to be home until 8 because you don’t want to make her mad? Or that you will go pick out the windows for the house renovation, even though chances are good that you will have to work? Or do you fully intend to stop at the grocery store on the way home but you just forget?
People don’t follow through for a variety reasons. Very few of them are because we don’t love someone. We do it to prevent our person from feeling hurt or let down or we are human and forget. But we don’t do it because we don’t love our person enough.
Unfortunately, people tend to personalize that someone doesn’t do something for them. ‘If you loved me you would have done this’ is the phrase people hear when they haven’t followed through
So, if you aren’t good at following through, regardless of the reason, you definitely won’t make your girlfriend feel safe. Instead you will make them feel unimportant and unloved.
Make sure you do what you say you are going to do. Allow your woman to feel confident that she can rely on you to always be there for her. And make her feel safe.
#3 – Use your words.
Have you ever thought to yourself ‘I don’t need to tell her how I feel about her. She knows.’
Do you take out the garbage faithfully, assuming that by doing so your girlfriend will know you love her?
If the answer to either question is YES then you are wrong!
Telling your woman how you feel about her is a key component in making her feel safe. She might have a sense of how you feel but to actually hear the words come out of your mouth let’s her know that you have her back. That you care about her enough to tell her and that she knows that she can count on you to be there for her.
#4 – Be a man.
I know. I know. In this day and age men and women are equal. And my 23 year old daughter will kill me for saying this but the truth of the matter is that men can make women feel safe by just acting like themselves.
Men are genetically programmed to be protectors. The survival of the species depended on men protecting their women and children from predators. That instinct is not gone in this 21stcentury world.
I am not saying that you need to brandish your club and knock down anyone who messes with your girl but make sure that she knows that you are there for her, to reach the things that she can’t reach, to carry that load that is just too much for her, to hold the door open when her hands are full and to get rid of that dead mouse carcass the cat dragged in.
Tap into your inner caveman, without letting him take you over completely, and allow your girl to feel safe.
#5 – Be honest.
The number one most important thing to do to make your girlfriend feel safe is to be honest.
I said above that it is important that you always do what you say you are going to do but it is more than that.
For a woman to feel safe she needs to feel trust. And if you can’t be honest with her she can never trust you.
So, if you can’t get home for dinner, tell her. If you need to see your mother instead of going out with her friends, don’t make an excuse. Tell her the truth. If you ran up the credit card debt or forgot to give the kids a bath or need some time on your own, be direct and up front. Tell her the truth, right away.
Let her know that she can rely on you to be honest and if you do she will feel safe.
Making sure that your girlfriend feels safe, secure and loved in a relationship is the best way to ensure that it will be healthy and happy one.
Listen to her, do what you say you are going to do, tell her how you feel about her, protect her and be honest.
I promise you. You make your girlfriend feel safe and she is yours forever.
I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.