Tag Archive for: breath

5 Super Effective Ways to Survive a Broken Heart

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I remember so well the first time I needed effective ways to survive a broken heart.

It was 9th grade and Bobby Fortunato, the guy of my dreams, had just broken up with me. We had been going out for two whole weeks. My mom took pity on me and let me stay home in bed and eat jello. I remember it like it was yesterday.

Truly, there might be nothing worse than a broken heart. The pain, both in your heart and in your head, is almost unbearable. The end of a relationship is like a death ‘ ¦ you grieve for your loss and you feel a huge emptiness, one that you are sure you will never again be able to fill.

I am here to tell you there are ways to get through your grief not only intact but even better than you were before.

#1 – Shut down the pain.

Most likely your body is in physical pain, the result of psychological suffering. And the most likely center point of that pain is your stomach. The pain is sharp and relentless and makes you feel like you are going to die. That pain is from anxiety. Anxiety that you are less than, that you will never love again, that you will be alone, that you are unlovable.

That pain comes directly from your brain, from your thoughts. Not so helpful, right? There are two ways to deal with that pain.

The first: talk back to that brain of yours.

Tell it that it is being ridiculous. That you are amazing, that this loss will only create new opportunities, that you aren ‘ t now, nor ever will you be, alone. It ‘ s not easy but you can do it.

Say those words OUT LOUD. Speaking words out loud, instead of keeping them in our head, releases the words into the world energetically which makes them more powerful.

Try it. It’s true.

The second: remember to breathe.

Big deep breaths that go down to your belly. Breathe in for 3 seconds and out for 4. This kind of breathing will actually calm the stress response in your body, ease your stomach pain and help clear your head. Repeat as necessary.

#2 – Manage your media.

This is a key element in grief management. You have music, you have video, you have social media. USE THEM FOR GOOD. They will get you out of your head and inspire you to be powerful.

I make a playlist when I am going through hard times. The songs are about empowerment, about survival, about living life fully. They go on my I-phone and then get played in my car as I go about my day. And yes, I sing along. Loudly.

Movies work the same way. There are so many movies out there about overcoming the odds, getting through hard times and emerging better than before. Find them. Watch them. Be inspired by them. Even cry with them (yes, crying is okay. even good. sometimes great. but don ‘ t wallow).

Be careful with social media. Yes, it is a great tool for feeling connected and distracted but if you have a tendency to stalk, and it causes you pain, then tread lightly. YouTube might be better than Facebook ‘ ¦or so my teenage daughter tells me.

#3 – Do Good.

Nothing feels better than helping out someone in need.

Helping out someone else while you are at your lowest feels even better, believe it or not. When you are grieving it is really easy to turn inside yourself, to feel like you are in the worst place a person could be. And while where you are does suck, there are others out there who are as just as bad off or worse. And by helping them you are also helping yourself.

There are plenty of ways to help out. You can help an elderly neighbor mow their lawn, you can volunteer at a library and help children learn to read. Hospitals are always in need of people to help in a variety of capacities. I worked in palliative care for a while. Boy, did that give me some perspective and appreciation of the life I was living.

Pick one. Do it. See how good it makes you feel and make someone else feel better in the process.

Want to talk more about fixing your broken heart? Let’s do it!

#4 – Get hot.

Yes, you read that right. Get hot.

Exercise is one of the best ways to manage grief. During exercise your body produces endorphins and endorphins actually make you feel better.

And, as a side benefit, exercise also gets you in shape. Imagine having the body that you have always wanted – you know what body I am talking about. Now is the time to get it.

Start exercising to help manage your grief and use it to get in great shape and to feel better about yourself. And, while it ‘ s not about revenge, let your ex eat his heart out when next he sees you!

#5 – Don’t stop believing in love.

Yes, right now your heart is broken. You just can ‘ t imagine being able to get through this day or the next. You know that you will never love or be loved again. Sigh.

No! You have to believe. You have to believe that your great love is out there. That you are more than a little loveable and that what you are going through is only temporary. Think about what you want and work on truly believing that you will get it. And then take the steps to do so.

You can do it! And, if you are feeling hot and full of self confidence from all that exercise and surviving your grief, imagine what that special someone will think when they first lay eyes on you. WOW! Now that ‘ s a great place for your pesky brain to go, don ‘ t you think?

Your world seems like it is over but it ‘ s not.

Use my effective ways to survive a broken heart will not only get through today and tomorrow in one piece but you will build the strength of body and character that will ultimately help you achieve your dreams and find the love of your life.

If you have read this far you must really trying to get over a broken heart.

Let me help you, NOW, so that you can start moving forward with your life!

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

5 Ways To Survive Change – Even if it’s Really Scary

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Things change. You either love it or you hate it. Are you wondering how to survive change even if it’s really scary?

Many people hate it. The prospect of a new job, moving to a new house, leaving a relationship or buying a new car can make those who resist change want to run for the hills.

I love change.

I have spent much of my life-changing things up. I have lived in San Francisco, Maine, Tokyo, Athens, Boulder, Vermont, Sydney, and NYC. Since I graduated from college, I have lived in 17 different homes and have worked in the hotel business, the food industry, retail management, and real estate sales, and now I am a life coach. I have been divorced and lived through my kids going off to college.

I am the person I am today because of opportunities for change that were presented to me throughout my life, ones I chose to pursue. And I love the person I am today.

They say that people who choose change are happier about it. The process can be messy, but once you get through it, life just might be what you have always wanted it to be.

How To Survive Change: 5 Ways

I am here today to help you get through that change so that you can live the life of your dreams.

#1 – Don ‘ t Forget To Breathe:

When presented with the possibility of change many people freeze up. The prospect is so terrifying that their body reacts as it would if faced with the specter of death. And then they run, run for their lives, from that change.

This is when it ‘ s important to remember to breathe. Without breath neither your brain nor your heart can function and making rational choices is impossible.

Think about when you drive by a tractor-trailer on the highway. It ‘ s a scary prospect and you start thinking of all the things that can go wrong. And you hold your breath in anticipation of those things. Next time, try taking a deep breath right before you pass that truck. The breath will calm your body and clear your mind and you will pass it with ease.

It ‘ s the same with change. Try it now. Inhale for 3 seconds, out for 5. Repeat as needed. Your heartbeat will slow and your mind will clear. Very helpful.

#2 – Remember, Change iS GOOD.

Many people are so unaccustomed to change that the prospect seems unbearable. This new thing is going to come in and shake up their lives and they don ‘ t think they can survive it.

But this just isn ‘ t true. We can survive anything. And research shows that most people who make a big change are happier on the other side. Happier. Sounds pretty good, right?

Think about a time earlier in your life when you faced major change. Now think about how you went about it and what the end result was. Was your life ultimately a better place because of that change? Even if things were really messy along the way? Think carefully.

The process can be difficult, and we will address that, but picture yourself on the other side of that change. Life will be different, yes. But that is not necessarily a bad thing.

#3 – Gather Information:

One of the most essential pieces of thriving in the face of change is the gathering of information. It is impossible to make an intelligent move without the right information.

It ‘ s time to make a list – a list of all of the positive things and all of the challenging things about your potential change.

If you are moving will it mean a bigger house? Better weather? A longer drive to school or work? An acre lawn to mow?

If it ‘ s a new job will it be better hours or pay? Will the dress code be challenging? Will your boss be someone much younger than you?

Once you have the list of your perceived pluses and minuses, address each minus individually.

A smaller house might seem a minus, but really a smaller house means less house to clean which would give you more time to do something fun instead.

A younger boss might seem a minus, but really a younger boss could teach you some new skills for the ever-evolving workplace. And the fact that you are older could mean built-in respect because of the years of working experience you bring to the table.

For every one thing that seems negative, there is a corresponding positive. You need to identify what those things are. Once you do you will feel ready to face real, substantial change.

#4 – No Negative Self Talk:

We are our own worst enemies. In the face of change, our brains tell us that we just can ‘ t do it. That we aren ‘ t smart enough or strong enough or that the change will destroy us.

Again, this just isn ‘ t true.

I have a client who has been given an amazing job opportunity. It has been literally placed at her feet and is hers for the taking. And she is struggling to accept it.

She thinks two things:

  1. That people will judge her for changing jobs AGAIN after just two years in her current position.
  2. That she will fail.

I asked her what she would think if she heard of someone switching jobs after 2 years. She said she would think, ‘ Wow. That person is really moving up in the world. She is being recognized for her successes. Good for her. ‘

I asked her to list all the reasons she would fail. Try as she might she couldn ‘ t name one reason. Her brain had been telling her that she would but she couldn ‘ t prove to me that what her brain was saying was true.

Again, our brains can make us our own worst enemies. Recognize that and talk back to that brain. Don ‘ t let it and it ‘ s pesky untruths hold you back.

#5 – Get Excited About The Possibilities:

Take a good look at that list that you made. Of all of the possibilities that your future holds.

Change is a scary thing but really it is also so exciting. You get a chance to do things differently, re-invent yourself, and maybe experience things you haven ‘ t before.

The first steps will most likely be difficult, and scary, but once you get started the sky is the limit. It ‘ s like starting out on a hiking trail and looking up. You wonder how the hell will you get up to the top. And then, when you do, after a fair amount of huffing and puffing, it’s just amazing. The sky is blue, and you can see forever. And looking down you can see how far you have come and feel pretty damn proud of yourself.

I am not saying that the prospect of change isn ‘ t scary and overwhelming. It is scary and will be overwhelming. What I am saying is to embrace it, to look at it as a positive thing even if your first reaction is ‘ not so much. ‘

In my last blog, I wrote about getting divorced. A friend of mine said he was jealous. How lucky I was that I got a chance for a reboot at 46 years old. And that ‘ s what I got. The reboot itself was rather painful, but I was given a new beginning and my life is now amazing. Truly.

I wish this kind of happiness on everyone I know and love. Take a risk. It will be worth it!

Are you struggling with how to survive change?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before it overwhelms you!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

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