5 Things You Should Know about Having an Affair if You are Considering Having One

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So, you are thinking about having an affair.

You didn ‘ t go looking to have one but you have met a certain someone who rocks your world. The feelings you have for him are like none you have ever had before so it would be wrong to deny those feelings. Right?

Sound familiar?

To the uninitiated, having an affair is all about the sex. Don ‘ t get me wrong. Affairs ARE about sex. Wonderful, illicit, mind-blowing sex. But they are also about so much more.

What else, you ask?

Hold on, because what you are about to read might surprise you.

#1 – It will wake you up in a big way.

Affairs don ‘ t happen in a void. People who have affairs are often stuck in long-term, unhappy relationships. Sex is nonexistent, communication has broken down and love is dead.

Then, out of nowhere, someone new appears and changes everything.

I have a client who thought her life was fine. She wasn ‘ t happy but she didn ‘ t feel like the absence of love and sex was important to her. She had her kids and her friends and her work and, really, what else could a 40-year-old want?

Until she met him… and he totally got her! They could spend hours talking about everything and understood each other perfectly. He thought she was beautiful and told her so every text he sent her. Just thinking about him got her body tingling. And when they ultimately had sex. Boom!

She had been sleepwalking for years. Getting older every day, just being fine. No longer. She was awake. Every single-bitty part of her was wide awake.

#2 – You will have the best sex of your life.

Affair sex is sex of the likes of which you have never had before in your life. It’s better than anything you could ever imagine.

Affair sex is a drug ‘ ” a highly addictive, legal, potentially lethal drug. And once you have a hit, there is no going back.

Why?

Emotional connection marks the beginning of affairs, ones that can be months or years in the making. And that kind of extended emotional foreplay can only lead to intense sexual connection. Certainly, more intense than anything you have had recently or ever.

The sex is illicit. No matter how old we are, doing things that we aren ‘ t supposed to do is fun. I know someone who perfected the art of having sex in the pantry. No sheets needed to be changed and there were lots of fun walls and doors to be put to full use. The experimentation was the best part.

And then there are the orgasms. Our lives are dull, routine, chaotic, and jam-packed. The dopamine high from an orgasmcan last more than 5 hours. Imagine how much better grocery shopping or conference calls are when you are experiencing an orgasm high as well.

Once you have had affair sex, it ‘ s virtually impossible to stop. And this is why people can ‘ t walk away from it and they risk everything to have it. Everything.

#3 – You will be broken down into a million little pieces.

Affairs at the beginning are more exciting than anything you could ever have imagined. And then, not so much.

One of my clients had an affair with a stay-at-home dad. They had known each other for years and, one day, she needed him and he was there for her. Everything changed.

There was a new electricity between them that was addictive. And try as they might to not let it get physical, it did. It did over and over and over again. It was so much better than married people sex and neither one of them could get enough of it.

Soon the addiction of their affair started disrupting their lives. They would show up late to school functions because they had been squeezing in a quickie. Or they would manufacture late-night runs to the grocery store to spend time together.

Their relationships with their friends, at work, with their children and, of course, with their spouses suffered.

They tried to break it off. They knew the destruction it was causing. But, they just couldn ‘ t let go of the way that they felt when they were together.

My client hated herself. The tug of war between the emotional, sexual woman who she was in the throes of the affair and the person she was as a wife and a mother was killing her. She lost 20 pounds, stopped sleeping, cut off her friends, and ultimately had a nervous breakdown.

The thing that started off so magically almost killed her.

#4 – It will be almost impossible to walk away.

Many people enter into affairs thinking that it will be brief thing. ‘ ˜We will just have sex once and that will be it ‘ is often the thought process.

Unfortunately, once you have started an affair it is almost impossible to walk away from it. Once you have sex with another man, once you have crossed that threshold, there will be no turning back.

The person who you are in the affair, the one who is loved and loving, who is having great sex, who is appreciated and taken care of, the one who feels alive for the first time in years, will do anything to not have to go back to being the person they were before.

As a result, affairs often last until someone is caught because breaking away is virtually impossible. You might succeed for a few weeks or months but staying away is very hard. Personally, I don ‘ t know anyone who has succeeded, unless they are caught, and even then it’s very difficult.

#5 – It will change your life in a big way, in more ways than one.

When someone finally starts noticing who they are in the world, they start recognizing not only the need for a big change.

A client of mine had been miserable in her marriage for a long time. She tells the story about the first time a friend told her to leave her husband as they were driving their sons home from preschool. Their sons are now sophomores in college.

She fell madly in love ‘ ” and lust ‘ ” with a man she worked with. She went through the incredible highs, sure she had found the love of her life, and then, ultimately, she crashed and burned because that great love turned out to be just another man. Before she knew it, she had lost a year of her life and of her children ‘ s life. She was wrecked.

She did see, at the end of that year, having lived through the joys and the pain of love, lust, and deep emotion, that she had to leave her husband. The words that wouldn ‘ t come out of her mouth for 20 years came out readily ‘ ” and with conviction.

She knew that she would die, literally and figuratively, if she didn ‘ t get rid of the toxic men in her life and start building a life that would feed her soul. Her affair, and it ‘ s after-effects, gave her the power to do that.

If you are considering having an affair, think carefully before you do.

While affairs seem like they are all about sex, they are so much more. They will build you up and then tear you down in a way you could never have imagined.

You will become addicted to and obsessed with your affair in a way you have never been obsessed before.

Your affair will, in more ways than one, change your life forever.

So, tread lightly, my friend, and be careful. I know he seems like your soulmate but really, he is just another man. Do you want to risk your life for him?

Are you considering having an affair?
Think it through first and let me help!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

What It Means When You Wake Up Feeling Depressed For No Reason

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Was it that kind of morning for you? Did you wake up feeling depressed for no reason AGAIN? Is this becoming a pattern and are you wondering why?

Is your life going along pretty great? Are you happy with your relationships, your job, your health? And yet, for some reason, you are still feelingdepressed?

If the answer is yes, then there are a few things that you can do to try and figure out what is going on. Getting past depression is important and knowing the cause is an important part of doing so.

#1 – Take note of the view out your window.

What time of year is it when you are reading this article? Summer? Winter? Fall? Spring. Believe it or not, the time of year can greatly affect your moods, maybe even contribute to why you wake up feeling depressed for no reason.

Seasonal Affective Disorder is a depressive disorder caused by the change of seasons. Some people get depressed because of the reduced daylight hours. Some people because of the temperature changes. Everyone affected by SAD finds themselves sad without something being wrong.

Fall is a hard time for me because my kids go back to school and the days start getting shorter. If I don ‘ t pay attention I often find myself deeply depressed, even if everything else is great.

How do you deal with SAD? The most effective way is with afull spectrum lamp. The lamp will help your body tolerate the change in seasons by exposing it to full spectrum light.

Another thing to ask yourself is if something painful happened to you this same time of year in another year. I know that every year in early June I get very depressed because it is the anniversary of my mother ‘ s death. Sometimes it creeps up on me and I don ‘ t even know it.

Anticipating anniversaries that might be fraught with emotion is a good way to keep the SAD at bay because you can take steps to deal with what might make you sad. I make sure I do something that reminds me of my mom before the anniversary of her death and it has really helped me manage the pain of the loss so that it doesn ‘ t bring me down.

#2 – Get your thyroid and Vitamin D levels checked.

Two major causes of depression can be thyroid hormone levels that are off and low vitamin D.

When our thyroid hormone levels are off a variety of symptoms can arise. One of them is depression. Many of my clients who come to me complaining of depressive feelings often end up having thyroid disorders.

Vitamin D deficiency is also one of the major causes of depression. Because of the prevalence of sunscreen use, and a significant shortage of sunshine during some parts of the year, many Americans don ‘ t get enough sun. The sun is the only way for a human being to get Vitamin D (other than fortified milk and orange juice) so sun deficiency means a Vitamin D deficiency and Vitamin D deficiency leads to depression.

Fortunately, in both cases, testing is easy – a simple blood test – and treatment involves taking a pill.

So, if you’re suddenly feeling depressed for no reason call your primary care doctor and get your blood checked right away.

#3 – Make sure you are taking good care of yourself.

Are you eating well? Getting exercise? Spending time with friends? Taking care of your hygiene?

If not, this could be the cause of yourdepression.

Taking care of our mental and physical bodies is a key to mental and physical health. If you don ‘ t take care of yourself, but instead live on wine and ice cream, eventually your body is going to react.

A body that isn ‘ t well fed or exercised will start to turn on itself, causing all sort of debilitating issues. One of those issues is depression.

So, if you find that you’re suddenly feeling depressed for no reason, examine how you are taking care of yourself. If you are not doing a good job try to make a change. You might find your depression lifts if you do.

#4 – Know about thedifferentkinds of depression.

Diagnostically, are two basic kinds of depression: situational depression and chemical depression. They have similar symptoms but different causes.

Situational depression is caused by something that happens in your life. When something big happens that makes you sad, like the death of a parent or a divorce or the loss of a job, you can become situationally depressed. This kind of depression usually has a beginning, caused by a specific event, and an end, and is often treated differently from chemical depression.

Chemical depression is the result your brain chemistry being off in such a way that leads to depression. You are most often born with chemical depression but it can also by caused by a traumatic life event.

Chemical depression can happen to youeven if your life is going great.

A good way to get a sense of whether or not you are chemically depressed is to ask yourself some questions. They are:

  • Are you living with feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness?
  • Are you moreirritable than usual?
  • Have you lost interest in things that used to make you happy?
  • Are you not sleeping as well as you used to?
  • Have your sleep patterns changed? Are you spending more time in bed?
  • Have your eating patterns changed? Have you lost or gained weight?
  • Are you more anxious than you used to be?
  • Do you struggle with feelings of worthlessness?
  • Do you have a hard timefocusing?
  • Do you think about committing suicide?
  • Do you have new physical problems, like headaches or backaches.

If you answered yes to any, or all, of these questions you might be struggling with chemical depression.

#5 – Reach out for help.

Regardless of what kind ofdepression you are struggling with, situational or chemical depression, it is important that you reach out for help.

See your primary care doctor right away about your depression. Tell them honestly about your symptoms so that they can treat you.

Many people struggle with the embarrassment of depression. They think that they should be able to suck it up and just deal, like everybody else. Well, let me tell you that a significant portion of Americans deal with depression and many of them don ‘ t just suck it up. They either self-medicate with food or alcohol or they get treatment from a professional.

Guess which one is better for you.

If you wake up feeling depressed for no reason again tomorrow, talk to your primary care doctor. Feeling lethargic, unmotivated, sad and angry can be debilitating and you don ‘ t want it to overtake your life.

Whatever you do, don ‘ t ignore thedepression and hope it goes away. Consider where you are today, have your hormone and vitamin D levels checked, take care of yourself mentally and physically and check in to see if you might be chemically depressed.

The most important thing is not to go it alone. Get some professional help. Depression will get worse the longer it goes untreated so nipping it in the bud is essential.

Are you waking up depressed for no reason?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

Struggling With Situational Depression? Facts To Help You Cope

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Do you wake up in the morning feeling sad and hopeless? Are you wondering if you are depressed? And if you are depressed, do you wonder what kind of depression you might have, chemical or situational? Let me share some situational depression facts that might help you figure it out and get proper treatment.

#1 – What are the differences between chemical and situational depression?

Diagnostically, are two basic kinds of depression: situational depression and chemical depression. They have similar symptoms but different causes.

Situational depression is caused by something that happens in your life. When something big happens that makes you sad, like the death of a parent or a divorce or the loss of a job, you can become situationally depressed. This kind of depression usually has a beginning, caused by a specific event, and an end, and is often treated differently from chemical depression.

Chemical depression is the result your brain chemistry being off in such a way that leads to depression. You are most often born with chemical depression but it can also by caused by a traumatic life event.

Chemical depression can happen to youeven if your life is going great.

So, ask yourself some questions about what your life looks like these days to help you figure out what kind of depression you might have.

If you think you have situational depression, read on. If you think you have chemical depression here is an article for you to read to learn more.

#2 – What do I need to know about situational depression?

As I stated above, situational depression happens when something occurs in your life that causes you extreme stress and because you haven ‘ t yet adapted to the changes brought about as a result of that event.

Issues that can bring about situational depression include:

  • Problems at work or school
  • Illness
  • Death of a loved one
  • Moving
  • Relationship issues

Furthermore, many people who struggle with situational depression often have preexisting experiences with some sort of trauma that might contribute to their mood changes. Some possible experiences may be:

  • Existing mental health problems
  • Several difficult life experiences happening at once
  • Having gone through considerable stress as a child

So, take a good look at your life right now. Are you struggling with something? Is your child having issues at school? Is your marriage a mess? Are your parents ill? Anything that is out of the ordinary and which is making it more difficult to function.

If you are sad, and you are struggling with life events, you might be situationally depressed.

#2 – What are the symptoms of situational depression?

Most people with situational depression develop symptoms within roughly 90 days following the event that triggers the condition. Symptoms can include:

  • Listlessness
  • Hopelessness
  • Lack of enjoyment of regular activities
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Sadness
  • Recurring bouts of crying
  • Loss of interest in food
  • Anxiety
  • Worry
  • Loss of Concentration
  • Withdrawal from work or friends
  • Suicidal thoughts

Symptoms of situational depression vary from person to person and usually include more than one of the symptoms above.

Review the list above carefully. If any of these things seem familiar to you then you might be struggling with situational depression and it ‘ s time to deal with it. Situational depression can cause severe disruption of your life if left untreated.

#4 – What is the best way to treat situational depression?

In many cases, situational depression will ease on its own. There are things that you can do in the meantime to help relieve the symptoms. Getting exercise, eating well, getting enough sleep, sharing your feelings and doing things that make you happy can all help ease your sense of sadness.

However, if your symptoms are seriously disrupting your life or not going away, it would be a good idea to talk to your Primary Care doctor about what is going on. It might be time to talk to a psychologist and/or get treated with some medication.

Either way, it is important that you pay attention to your moods so that you know if they are getting worse or better. It ‘ s often easy to lose sight of the fact that it ‘ s the depression that is making your life so bleak. We start to blame ourselves for not being strong enough or outgoing enough or smart enough when in fact our self-image is clouded by the depression.

Checking in with your moods regularly so that you can deal with them properly is an important part of dealing with your situational depression.

#5 – How long will my situational depression last?

Many people with situational depression have symptoms for longer than 6 months. This is especially common when something else happens during the recovery period, which often happens because, well, this is life.

For others, situational depression can abate quickly, especially if you make a special effort to take care of yourself, sleep and eat well, get exercise and hang out with those you love.

If your depression is seriously impacting your life, whether just for a few weeks or a few months, reach out to your doctor to get some support. Your life just might depend on it.

Situational depression sucks. Really it does.

But understanding why your depression is happening and accepting that it is something that you will have to deal with is the first step to feeling better.

Remember, there are many people in the world who are struggling with depression. You are not alone. And you are not weak or anti-social or less-than in any way. You are suffering from depression and you can get better!

So, read the article above carefully. Take the first steps to dealing with your depression. You will be happy you did.

Are you struggling with situational depression?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

What Are Relationship Boundaries And When Are They Appropriate?

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Have you been told that relationship boundaries are important? Do you wonder exactly what ARE relationship boundaries?

Are you eager to implement some but do you have no idea where to start?

Let me help!

To understand healthy relationship boundaries, look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds your life together. They hold your food and your bed and your possessions and it ‘ s where you live your life.

Healthy relationship boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your relationship as it grows. To have a healthy relationship, one that can grow and be fruitful, it is important that it has structures, boundaries, that support it.

Healthy relationship boundaries come in many shapes, sizes and colors and they are essential and appropriate for every relationship, whether it be new and exciting or more settled and safe.

It ‘ s important for each couple to decide what works for them but there are a few boundaries that are essential for every healthy relationship.

#1 – Don ‘ t let one person be in charge.

In many relationships it happens that at some point one person becomes the one calling the shots. And while this seems to work on one level, ultimately the relationship will become uneven. And when things are uneven a relationship changes.

So, make an effort to keep the decision-making even in the relationship. If you are good at organizing your social life then do that but give him opportunity to choose events. If he is good at managing the finances let him do that but continue to have input into where the money goes and why.

Letting your relationship become uneven allows it to slip into a sort of parent/child dynamic, where one person is in charge and the other does as they are told. Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you?

Not so much.

#2 – Respect each other.

One of the biggest romance killers in a relationship is lack of respect and contempt.

The saying ‘ ˜familiarity breeds contempt ‘ is an accurate one and something that happens in many committed relationships.

Examples of acting with contempt are rolling your eyes when your partner says something, criticizing their clothing, belittling their expressions. Does any of that sound familiar to you? Are you guilty of doing this at times? DON ‘ T. Contempt will kill a relationship faster than almost anything else.

It is important in every relationship that you each respect each other. Respect each other within the confines of your relationship by speaking to each other honestly, sharing your feelings and needs in an open way. By not attacking each other personally and criticizing each other ‘ s behaviors and actions.

Furthermore, it ‘ s important to not criticize your partner out in the world. The general rule of thumb is that you not tell something about your partner to anyone that you haven ‘ t already shared with your partner.

When I was married, I talked to my friends WAY more about the problems in my marriage than I did to my husband. This didn ‘ t do our relationship any good because we weren ‘ tcommunicatingand giving our relationship a chance to improve. And when we were together I treated my husband with contempt because I no longer respected him.

I am no longer married.

So, make sure you treat each other with respect, both inside and outside the relationship.

#3 – Don ‘ t lose yourselves.

So many women, when they are in a relationship, become less of themselves.

Many women take on their partner ‘ s friendships, their hobbies and their ways of doing things.

It is VERY important that all womenstay themselveswhen in a relationship.

Why? Because every healthy relationship is based on truth and, if you are anything other than your true self, your relationship will never be really healthy.

It is also important that you continue to respect yourself and you will respect yourself by being yourself. By continuing to have your friends, to do your own hobbies, to have a career that you love and a healthy lifestyle that serves you, you will wake up every day feeling good about yourself.

And when you feel good about yourself your partner will love you even more because he knows you are being your true self, someone who is ambitious and smart and willing to take risks to get what she wants.

So, be yourself in your relationship. Ahealthy relationshiprequires it.

#4 – Spend time apart.

When they are falling in love, couples want to spend every available minute together. The feelings that accompany falling in love are addictive and hard to walk away from even for a short while.

It is important, however, that you spend time apart from the one you love.

You know the old saying ‘ ˜absence makes the heart grow fonder? ‘ It ‘ s true!

Think about how you feel when you go on a diet. How you can ‘ t eat ice cream for a month while you lose those 5 pounds and, man, do you miss your ice cream. It ‘ s the same thing in a relationship. Stepping away from your partner, even for a bit, makes you both notice the void that is created in his or her absence.

And then the heart grows fonder.

So, spend some time apart. Miss each other. Value each other. Keep that spark alive.

#5 – Be flexible.

I have a client who recently bought a house for herself and her boyfriend moved in with her. Right away they had issues because it was her house and she wanted to do things her way and that just wasn ‘ t okay with him.

It is important that everyone be flexible in a relationship. Just like you would at work or with your family, it is important to work with your partner so that you can both live a life that is authentic to you.

You know the phrase ‘ My way or the highway? ‘ That phrase has no place in any healthy relationship.

So, embrace flexibility. Choose the things that are important to you and stay true to them but be willing to see what might be important to your man and work with him so that you both can live a life that makes you happy. Together and apart.

Examining what are healthy relationship boundaries is an excellent way to ensure that you have a good strong relationship that will last forever.

Relationships are built from two people who have two separate lives and two separate ways of living. It is important that the couple build a new life together. A new life with four walls that will keep it safe and strong.

So, don ‘ t let one of you be in charge, respect each other, like yourself, spend time apart and be flexible.

Talk to your partner and build your house from a place of love and beauty and self-confidence, one that will be strong enough to stand the test of time and allow your relationship to be a healthy one.

You can do it!

Are you struggling with establishing boundaries in your relationship?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

Why Women Struggle With Letting Go of a Toxic Love

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A few years back I was in a relationship that was not good for me. The man I loved was bad for me in so many ways but I just couldn ‘ t leave him. Or if I did manage to leave him he would reappear a few days or weeks later and suck me back in. And I let him. Over and over and over.

Looking back, I have wondered why this was so. Why I just couldn ‘ t let go. I think I have figured it out and want to share what I have learned with you.

#1 – We are afraid of being alone.

It is the human condition to want to be in a pair. To have someone to share one ‘ s life and experiences with. That is the goal.

Unfortunately, for many of us, we are willing to settle for ‘ ˜good enough ‘ when it comes to finding the other half of our twosome. We believe that if we let go of the bird in hand that we will NEVER find another man to love. The prospect of putting ourselves out there again so that we can find that person is overwhelmingly daunting. So, we hold onto the one we have now. No matter how bad they are for us.

Let me tell you, from decades of personal and professional experience, there is always another person out there for us. We might not find them right away but we will NEVER find them if we stay in the relationship that we are in.

So, if you are staying in your toxic relationship because you believe that if you leave you will always be alone, let me tell you that you won ‘ t! There is a guy out there for you, a guy who will be your perfect half, who will make you whole.

#2 – We don ‘ t feel great about ourselves.

I can ‘ t tell you how many of my clients who are in toxic relationships have very low self-esteem.

They just don ‘ t believe that they are worthy of good love and, if they do, they have no idea how to go out and find it.

Unfortunately, the result of toxic relationships can be the lowering of self -esteem. We are unhappy, isolated from our friends, belittled for any perceived shortcomings and know, deep down, that we aren ‘ t being treated well.

And if we don ‘ t feel good about ourselves we attract men who don ‘ t feel good about us either.

For me, part of letting go of my toxic love was focusing on my business. I was able to redirect the pain of letting go of the relationship into something that made me feel really good about myself. And feeling good about myself allowed me to let him go and find someone who sees just how awesome I am.

#3 – We can ‘ t break the pattern.

I can ‘ t overemphasize enough how big a role patterns play in our lives.

Think about your daily routines and patterns and how off you feel those days that your routines are broken. Like if you always have breakfast before you head out the door and one day you just can ‘ t and how you just don ‘ t feel yourself for the rest of the day.

Now imagine this in relationship. When a relationship is new and good we establish patterns and routines with our partners. And those patterns and routines become entrenched in our brains. Breaking them can be nearly impossible.

Do you imagine what Christmas would be like without your partner? Or wonder who you would go to the movies with on Wednesdays? Those are the patterns that keep us with our toxic loves.

Interestingly, even the breaking up and getting back together gets routine. With my toxic relationship, I would break up with him and then, like clockwork, in 8 weeks he would reach out to me and before I knew it I was back where I started. I can ‘ t tell you how many times that happened.

I have since learned that if you can get past that 8 week mark you can break a pattern. And I can promise you that you will find someone else to go to the movies with on Wednesdays.

#4 – We blame ourselves.

One of the most insidious things about toxic love is that, after a while, we start to blame ourselves for everything that is going wrong.

I have a client whose husband had a relationship with one of their employees. For three years my client has asked her husband to fire that woman and for three years he has promised to and hasn ‘ t. She is beside herself and rightly so.

The thing is, her husband has done a remarkable job making her feel like their issues are HER fault. He says that if she could just let this go they could be happy. That she has no compassion for this other woman ‘ s children – what would they do if their mother had no income? Because of his accusations, she truly questions her mental health some days.

Do you blame yourself for not letting go of your toxic love? Do you believe that if you could just have been a little bit nicer or paid more attention to him or had sex with him when he wanted you to that everything would be just fine?

If yes, stop. Your man is making your life difficult and, while you might play a role in the situation, I can promise you that it ‘ s NOT all your fault.

#5 – We feel like our connection is like none other.

Do you believe that the relationship that you share with your man is like none other. That the intense passion and connection that you share can not compare with anyone else ‘ s relationship and that letting it go would be such a waste?

Let me tell you, EVERYONE feels that way about their relationship. I hate to burst your bubble but, while the love you have for this man might be strong, it ‘ s not the ultimate love in the world and letting go of it will not be the end of it.

As a matter of fact, if you can let go of your toxic love then you are WAY more likely to find a connection that is real and wonderful and magic.

I did.

Letting go of toxic love is very difficult. Probably one of the most difficult things you will ever have to do.

But letting go of toxic love is very important for a happy life. Can you imagine spending the rest of your life living with someone who makes your life miserable more often then he makes you happy?

Could you ever be happy if the rest of your life is the same as your life today?

I know that, for me, finally getting out of my toxic relationship gave me the time, strength and focus to build my business and my self-esteem. It made me understand that I could break patterns and not only survive but thrive. I learned that I was okay being alone and that while to me our love was special, really there is other, better love in this world.

So, what are you waiting for? Letting go of a toxic love is something that you can start doing right now!

If you have made it this far you must really be struggling to get away from a toxic love.
Let me help you, NOW, before the you get any more hurt!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

What Feeling Depressed Is Like From Someone Who’s Been There

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Do you want to know what feeling depressed is like? Are you struggling with your emotions and you just don’t know what they are? Let me tell you about what depression is like for me.

For as far back as I can remember I have been depressed. I didn ‘ t know that what I had was called depression – for me, I was carrying with me always a feeling of overwhelming hopelessness and dread.

Even as a young child, the prospect of doing anything, be it getting out of bed, going to school, playing with my friends, having dinner with my family, filled me with such a sense of unrelenting dread that I just couldn ‘ t do it.

I didn ‘ t know that I was different from everyone else. I didn ‘ t know that everyone else didn ‘ t hate their life as much as I did.

My mom used to come up to my room and yell at me for being such a loser because I didn ‘ t want to play with my friends or hang out with my family. It didn ‘ t take long for 10 year old me to start to believing her. That I was a loser. And it certainly didn ‘ t help me feel better.

My parents sent me to boarding school and, on the second night, someone handed me a bottle of vodka. I remember it like it was yesterday. I took one gulp – oh, how it burned – but suddenly, like magic, my feelings of hopelessness and dread disappeared. Life was just grand.

By the time I got to college I was a full-blown alcoholic. I would stay up for nights at a time, doing drugs. I would do whatever I could to put my life at risk. I would climb up on roofs, tripping on mushrooms. I would drive my car really fast on back roads, drunk. I didn ‘ t want to commit suicide but I would have been perfectly happy if I was dead.

In spite of the hopelessness I carried with me, I was living a productive life. I graduated from college and moved to San Francisco and got a dream job working in the catering department of The Four Seasons Hotel. I worked hard and partied hard.

And, in spite of the 100lb gorilla of hopelessness that I carried on my back, I lived a life that many would consider happy. I had a great job, a beau and friends. But I also was an alcoholic with a terrible secret.

My boyfriend and I got married and we moved to Maine. I had two children and I stopped drinking and doing drugs but I replaced those things (self-medication in retrospect) with being perfect. I was the perfect wife and the perfect mother and the perfect employee.

At the same time, I was working as hard as I could to stay ahead of the hopelessness and dread that I carried with me every day.

I never talked to anyone about how I was feeling. We New Englanders are tough and hell would have to freeze over before we would admit to any weakness. So, on I lived, parenting, selling real estate, managing our home.

I was fine.

And then, in 2004, we moved to Tokyo. Which was amazing. And horrible.

For the first time in my 39 years, I had nothing to do. My kids were at school and my husband was at work and I was at home, with no friends, no work, no life.

Everything caught up to me. I could no longer ignore that hopelessness and dread that I had been carrying with me for all these years.

I started drinking again and acting out sexually. I compulsively bought handbags on Ebay. I drove my car fast whenever I could. I was cranky and impatient and miserable.

And then, one day, to this day I don ‘ t know how it happened, I found myself in a closet, banging my head against the wall. I had no idea what was going on.

From my closet I managed to pick up my phone and call a friend. She came over and scooped me up, took me home and fed me apples and peanut butter while another friend found me a doctor.

It took that doctor 20 minutes to diagnose me with depression. I was 42 years old. I had been living with this gorilla for 42 years and it took one doctor 20 minutes to identify it and tell me what to do chase it away.

It ‘ s been 10 years since my diagnosis. Since then I have found the right medicine that works for me and I have developed coping skills for dealing with things when times get tough.

I do still get depressed occasionally, but not for long, because I have learned how to recognize when it is happening and manage it well. I take my meds religiously and take really, really good care of myself.

I am living well with depression but if I have one regret it ‘ s that I didn ‘ t seek out help earlier.

I have since learned that depression only gets worse the more it goes untreated. What if I had been diagnosed and treated back in my 20 ‘ s. Where in the world might I be now?

But I can ‘ t live with regrets. What I can live with is taking care of myself, managing my moods and building an amazing life for myself.

I AM living that wonderful life, one I am very thankful for every day, one with love and children and a community. I have this life because I pay attention and manage my moods and take care of myself. Some days I work hard but it’s worth it!

You can do it too! I promise.

Are you struggling with depression?
I know it’s really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

5 Questions People In Healthy Relationships Ask Each Other Every Day

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You know those times when you are standing in line for the movies and you see a couple in front of you who look just so ridiculously happy? And don ‘ t you think to yourself ‘ ˜I want that but how? ‘

People in healthy relationships don ‘ t know some secret that you don ‘ t know. What they do know are 5 questions that they ask each other every single day.

Let me tell you what they are ‘ ¦

#1 – Can I talk to you about something?

When your guy does something that upsets you, do you tell him? Or do you keep it inside and let it fester. Do you start to watch out for times that he does that thing again and let it piss you off every time?

People in the happiest relationships don ‘ t do that. They don ‘ t let things fester and grow bigger than they need to be.

People in the happiest relationships are strong enough to tell their partner when something upsets them so that they can work it out and move on. So that anger doesn ‘ t fester and threaten their happiness.

So be brave and honest. Talk to your partner. For the sake of your relationship.

#2 – Would you like to go do something together?

Do you seek out time to spend with your partner? Does he want to spend time with you? Do you have things that you enjoy doing together and do you do them?

People who are in the happiest relationships are people who make an effort to spend time together. I am not saying that you should spend ALL your time together but it is important that you and your guy share time and experiences. These things bring you closer together and keep your relationship healthy and happy.

So, ask your guy if he wants to go to the movies tonight. Have fun!

#3 – What can I do to make your life a better place?

When we first start out in a relationship, we make efforts every day to do things that make our partners happy. We bring them flowers, we let them borrow our car, we tell them how cute they are, we write them cards full of sweet nothings.

But as a relationship matures those things tend to fade away. The craziness of modern life makes us start to neglect our relationships because other things, like kids, jobs, parents, distract us. We always think that we can neglect our relationships and that they will still be there when we are ready to pay attention again but that isn ‘ t always true.

So, ask your partner what you can do for them. And be careful not to assume what they want you to do. Ask them. I used to make my husband lunch everyday as a way to show him that I loved him. What he wanted was hugs so, when he didn ‘ t get those, he didn ‘ t feel loved.

Ask your guy how you can make his world a better place. You will be happy you did.

#4 – Have I told you today how much I love you?

If there is one thing that I hear most from my unhappily married couples its, when I ask them if they tell their partner they love them, they say ‘ ˜Oh, he knows I love him. I don ‘ t have to tell him. ‘

Yeah, this is not necessarily so.

Relationships are long and they can be fraught with challenges. And when those challenges become harder to deal with people start to question their partner ‘ s devotion. And those questions can cause the slow demise of a heathy relationship.

So, tell your partner you love him every day.

#5 – Will you please give me a hug?

Many married couples I know not only never have sex but very rarely even touch each other.

They say that couples who hug each other for 10 contiguous seconds a day are happier than couples who don ‘ t. That is because physical closeness is key for any happy relationship.

So, let your guy know that you want to touch him. I can guarantee that he will be happy to accommodate you. For guys, touch is way more important than words so if you can just give him a hug, especially after a disagreement, you will be going a long way towards giving him what he wants.

Being in a healthy relationship is the goal for everyone. It ‘ s the stuff that fairy tales are made of and who doesn ‘ t want the fairy tale.

But having a happy relationship doesn ‘ t just happen. It takes dedication and intention.

So, ask your partner if you can talk, if they want to play, if you can make their life a better place, if they know how much you care and if a hug might be in the cards.

Ask questions to make your relationship the happiest that it can be.

You can do it!

Do you need help with your relationship?
Let me help!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

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