Are You In an Emotional Affair? 5 Seemingly Innocent Things that Signal YES

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Are you in a friendship with someone outside of your relationship and are you wondering if you are in an emotional affair. I mean it ‘ s just a friendship, right? How can it be an affair?

For many people, an affair isn ‘ t an affair if there isn ‘ t sex involved. Unfortunately, there is a kind of infidelity where there is no sex but there is something worse – true emotional connection – an emotional affair.

Emotional affairs are, in many ways, more destructive than sexual affairs. Emotional affairs involve having a deep connection with someone who is not your partner, a connection that is hard to walk away from. It involves feelings that are stronger than friendship, feelings that might seem innocent but might actually be leading to something unexpected.

Because there is no sex involved, only emotions, emotional affairs aren ‘ t always easy to identify. Theystart out, more often than not,as a friendship but slowly evolve to something more.

I am guessing if you are reading this article you might be wondering if you are in an emotional affair and how to tell if you are. You might not want to believe you are, because it ‘ s something that you never believed you could do, but it ‘ s important to know the signs so that you can have some awareness as you move forward.

To better understand if you are in an emotional affair, let me tell you 5 seemingly innocent things that you might be doing that will tell you if you are having one.

#1 – Confidences.

More often than not, emotional affairs start with confidences, things that are somewhat intimate which are shared with another person.

A client of mine told me about when her emotional affair started. She was taking a walk and she ran into a married male friend of hers, one that she had known for years. She had been struggling with chronic sadness and she didn ‘ t know what to do about it. She, for some reason, told him. He told her that he, too, had experienced those feelings and that he had just been diagnosed with depression.

So, began their friendship, bound by the admission of depression. Her husband and his wife never understood how their partners could be depressed. Life was good and the kids were thriving – what was there to be depressed about. But they understood each other. They understood that, even though life was good, people get depressed.

As their friendship grew they started sharing more and more with each other, things that they didn ‘ t feel safe sharing with their spouses. They came to believe that the other person understood them in a way that no one else ever had, certainly more than their spouse did. They grew to rely on that friend more and more for support, turning away from their spouse in the process.

Do you share confidences with your friend in a way that you don ‘ t with your partner? Does your friend know things about you that others don ‘ t. Sharing confidences is definitely an indicator that you might be in an emotional affair and you should be aware of it.

#2 – Theneed for contact.

My client shared with me that as their friendship grew, so did their need to be in contact with each other. They worked together so they saw each other frequently but their casual hallway conversations turned into coffees and lunches and cocktails.

She said that the feeling that she got when her phone text alert went off was one of anticipation and excitement. When it was him, she was thrilled. When it wasn’t him, she felt anxious and uneasy, wondering where he was and what he was doing.

The worst, she said, were the weekends when there was no communication at all. She felt like, without her friend to talk to, she was adrift.

Have you found that you have more communication with your friend than you used to? Do you find yourself looking forward to talking to them and being disappointed when you weren ‘ t able to? If yes, you just might be in an emotional affair, whether you want to believe it or not.

#3 – Preoccupation.

My client told me that, as their friendship and connection grew, she found herself having a hard time thinking of things other than the time she spent with her friend.

She would think about him first thing in the morning and she would dress carefully so that when she went into work he might notice. She made herself available at lunch time, distancing herself from her other co-workers. At night, during the family dinner, she found herself unable to focus on her family, thinking instead about her friend and a conversation they shared as they sat next to each other on a bench.

Do you find yourself preoccupied by your friendship with your person? Do you find yourself going out of your way to see them? Do you find yourself having a hard time focusing on other things in your life because of your preoccupation?

If you are, this is a sign of an emotional affair that shouldn ‘ t be ignored.

#4 – Hiding things.

When my client first started spending time with this co-worker, she would often tell her husband about their conversations because they were just that, conversations. Conversations that she would have with any other co-worker. When the conversations became more intimate, full of confidences, she stopped telling her husband about them.

She started to lie to her husband about who she had lunch with and who she was texting with and why. She would purposefully not tell him things that she told her friend, wanted to share them with her friend exclusively. She pulled further and further away from her husband and movedtowards her friend.

If you are involved in a friendship and you lie to your partner about it, you are, most likely having an emotional affair. How would you feel if your partner did the same to you? Betrayed, I am guessing.

#5 – Physical attraction.

This final sign is one that sneaks up on us.

My client said that after just a few weeks of talking so intimately with her friend she started to feel a deep physical attraction to him. At first, she ignored it, figuring it was a figment of her imagination. This guy was just a friend and having sexual feelings for him was absurd.

But, as the weeks went on, her attraction to him grew. She would find opportunities to touch him whenever she could and when she did she felt an electricity that would move down through her body. It was a feeling that she hadn ‘ t had for years with her husband and the feeling drew her closer, emotionally, to her friend.

Physical attraction isn ‘ t always present during emotional affairs but if you are feeling it, you are definitely more than friends and you should carefully consider your next steps before your friendship gets out of hand.

Knowing the seemingly innocent things that might show that you are in an emotional affair is of vital importance as doing so will help you make conscious choices going forward.

My client said that she never expected the emotional affair to develop. She and her person really were friends and had been for years. For this friendship to grow into what it was surprised and overwhelmed her. And what she realized was that she loved this man and would have walked away from her family because she believed that he was her soul mate. All because of some confidences a few months earlier.

So, take a good look at your friendship with this person. Do you share things with them that you don ‘ t tell anyone else? Do you need to be in regular contact with them or you get anxious? Do you find yourself distracted by thoughts of them and the time you spend together? Are you hiding things from your partner? Are you feeling deep sexual attraction for the first time in years?

All of these things are signs of an emotional affair. Again, I know that you never thought of yourself as a cheater and you definitely didn ‘ t set out for this to happen but emotional affairs creep out of nowhere.

Take some time, right now, to consider if you want this emotional affair to expand into something more. Is itworth blowing up your life for? Whether the emotional affair is in real life or online, it has the power to change your life in a way that might not turn out very well in the end.

 

5 Key Behaviors that Help Build A Healthy Relationship after Infidelity

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Have you or your partner had an affair and are you now wondering if you can have a healthy relationship after infidelity?

Many people say no, that it is not possible to be happy after a partner has strayed but I believe that it is possible to get past an affair and be happy again.

Having a healthy relationship after infidelity is something to strive for but it won ‘ t happen without a lot of hard work and patience.

Here are 5 key behaviors to make sure are part of your relationship so that you, too, can get through this time together, as a couple.

#1 – Resolve.

First and foremost, both members of a relationship need to be resolved to make this relationship work.

Often times, after an affair, the person who strayed is only interested in putting the affair behind them and moving on. The person who was betrayed is often harder to convince. They are left with questions, ones that often go unanswered, self doubt, lack of trust and serious doubts about the future.

If both partners aren ‘ t resolved to work on recovering their relationship, there is no way it can happen.

I have a client whose partner strayed twice. She feels horribly betrayed but is willing to work to get their marriage back on track. Her husband simply wants the affair to disappear and for everything to go back to normal. He says he wants to do the work and is willing to go to a therapist but his heart isn ‘ t really in it. As a result, she is frustrated, even more hurt and questioning the future of her marriage.

So, unless both members are determined to do the work, the chances of having an healthy relationship after infidelity are minimal.

#2 – Communicate.

As I say in EVERY blog I write, communication in any healthy relationship is of utmost importance. Without communication, relationships are doomed to fail.

After an affair, communication becomes even more important. What I have seen in almost all of my clients who have been betrayed is the desire to understand the how and why of the affair.

How did you meet? Where did you meet? Why did you meet? How long have I been lied to? Did you laugh about me while you did this? Will this happen again? How will things be different this time?

In many cases, the person who had the affair isn ‘ t willing, or able, to answer those questions. Often times, affairs just happen – they literally sneak up on the two people and before you know it, a relationship has been betrayed. When this happens, it’s hard to answer the ‘ ˜why. ‘ Also, people who have affairs often feel so guilty and ashamed that they don ‘ t want to talk about it. They know they have let down and betrayed their partner and they are mortified.

No matter what the reason it might be difficult to talk about an affair, to answer the questions that might come up, it is essential that both are done. Honesty and transparency are the keys to how a couple can rebuild a healthy relationship after infidelity.

So, make an effort to address each others questions. If it is difficult to do so, dig deep and try. If you can ‘ t, it is important that you get the help of a therapist or a life coach who can help you draw out the answers.

#3 – Understand.

It is very important for both members of a relationship to understand, and accept, how the other is feeling.

The person who has been betrayed is full of questions, struggling with self doubt, angry, sad, scared, lacking in confidence and generally confused and overwhelmed by what has happened to their lives.

The person who has strayed is often wracked with self loathing, guilt, sadness, fear, confusion and remorse.

Both of these people ‘ s feelings are real and need to be acknowledged and accepted. People who have been betrayed often feel that their partner ‘ s feelings aren ‘ t warranted or relevant and push back against them. Betrayers often get angry with their partner for their intense feelings and want it to all go away.

By acknowledging and accepting each other ‘ s emotions, each of the people will feel heard and seen, key parts of developing the building blocks for a healthy relationship after infidelity.

#4 – Enjoy.

I know that this seems inconceivable right now but it is really important that you both, when you are ready, make an effort to enjoy each other ‘ s company.

There was a time when you were in love, when there were many things that you enjoyed doing together. These things connected you and helped make your love stronger.

I have a client who genuinely enjoys being with his partner but still struggles with accepting the affair. Last time we talked he did say to me, very clearly, that he and his wife were still good friends and that gave him hope that they could work through everything and reconnect.

So, if you feel like you can, with authenticity, strive to do the things together that used to make you feel connected. Picnics, trips to a bookstore, a musical event or a hike – anything else that will make you both remember that once you liked each other and that there is hope that you will again.

#5 – Touch.

I know that the idea of touching your partner after their betrayal is inconceivable but it is an essential part of building a healthy relationship after infidelity.

I am not talking about sex. I am talking about the simple things – hand holding, hugging, brushing up against each other in the kitchen. Touch is the thing that can keep couples together more than anything.

Make up sex is a perfect example of this. After an argument, many couples like to have sex. They do because the physical connection draws them back together. The sex connects them in a way that words can not and helps settle the argument and the hard feelings left afterwards.

Again, I am not saying that you need to have sex with your person right away but I am encouraging you to hug them. They say that a 10 second hug everyday can help a couple keep their relationship healthy and strong.

It is possible to have a healthy relationship after infidelity.

Infidelity rocks our world in a way that almost nothing else can. And believing that you can get past it and be happy again might seem impossible from where you sit now. But you can do it!

If you and your partner are both determined, if you are able to communicate in a healthy way, if you are able to acknowledge and accept the other ‘ s feelings, if you seek out things that you enjoy doing together and if you can explore touching each other again, you have an excellent chance of having that healthy relationship that you seek.

I know it seems hard right now but I promise you, you can do it!

5 Essential Boundaries That Can Help A Marriage Survive Infidelity

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Infidelity can rock even the most stable marriage. Fortunately, there are 5 essential boundaries that can help a marriage survive infidelity.

To understand relationship boundaries, look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds the pieces of your life together. They hold your food and your bed and your possessions and it ‘ s where you live your life.

Healthy marriage boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your marriage as it matures. To have a healthy marriage, one that can grow and be fruitful, it is important that it has structures, boundaries, that support it.

Establishing boundaries in your marriage when you are working through infidelity is an excellent way to help you get on with the healing and create a healthy, infidelity-proof, marriage.

So, what are the 5 essential boundaries that can help a marriage survive infidelity?

#1 – There can be no contact. None.

The number one essential boundary, the one without which any efforts to survive the infidelity will be ineffective, is that the cheater have no contact with the person with whom they were having an affair. This means no phone calls, no texting, no in-person contact and no following on social media. None.

Unless the cheater can break the tie that binds the two lovers together, there is no chance that the marriage can survive. The things that initially brought the two together are things that still exist and those things are strong and compelling. If the cheater is allowed to continue that attachment, it will leave no room for the married couple to get closer again.

So, set a boundary that the cheater will no longer be in contact with their lover and, if necessary, set up systems whereby the betrayed partner can be assured that, in fact, the contact is not happening.

If your partner won ‘ t agree to going no contact, I would encourage you to walk away and start living life on your own.

#2 – A promise of openness.

One of the most interesting things that I have discovered in my work with spouses who have been betrayed in their marriage is the fact that they are eager to know all of the details around the affair. How it started, where the lovers met, what was the sex like, why didn ‘ t it end. All of these things, partners are eager to know. And they are details that cheaters are loathe to share.

While I personally believe that having all of this information isn ‘ t necessarily going to help a couple in the healing process, many people can not move forward without the details. Unfortunately, many of the betrayers do not want to share the gory details with their spouses.

Many cheaters are filled with shame and remorse about what they did and the prospect of sharing the details with their spouses only reinforces that shame. Because of this, many cheaters refuse to get into details and, instead, shut down and/or get angry with their spouses. As you can imagine, this behavior does not aid in the healing process.

It is important that, if your spouse wants the details, that you be willing to share them. Doing so will allow your partner to stop running negative tapes in their head, ones that are perhaps false, and allow them to start moving forward. Furthermore, it will go a long way towards restoring trust because the partner will know that the cheater is willing to give them the information that they need.

#3 – No passive aggression.

Many people who have been cheated on are very angry. Deeply angry, betrayed and hurt. And, for many people, conveying that anger and hurt in a productive way is impossible. Instead, their anger comes out as passive aggression and that doesn ‘ t help anybody.

The definition of passive aggressive behavior ‘ ˜is a way to express feelings of anger or annoyance, but in a non-forthcoming way. Instead of communicating openly, people who engage in this type ofbehaviorshare their negative feelings through actions. ‘

What might passive aggression look like? Snide comments about the affair, unkind asides about the integrity of their partner, slamming doors, damaging property, being unkind and unsupportive etc.

Passive aggressive behaviors only serve to prolong the anger and slow the healing. Instead of practicing passive aggressive behaviors, I encourage spouses to speak their anger out loud. Of course, they can yell (which can be good as it releases pent up energy) but the best way to do so is to express your anger in a tempered way so that your partner truly understands how you feel.

#4 – Keep what happened private.

For a client of mine, after she confronted her husband about his cheating, he right away deleted the emails that she had discovered. Why did he do that? Because he was worried that his wife was going to share the emails with all of her friends so that they could analyze them together. He didn ‘ t want the embarrassment and wanted to keep it between them so he deleting the emails.

He was right – his wife would definitely have shared those email with her friends. And it wouldn ‘ t have helped anything.

For many women, the need to discuss what happened with a close friend or confident is compelling. I am not saying that they shouldn ‘ t do that but I do think that it ‘ s important that they do so with only one person and that the affair not be shared with the wider social group. Having people discuss a couple ‘ s private life, to get themselves involved where they shouldn ‘ t and perhaps breed a taking of sides, will only serve to magnify what happened and stop the healing from happening.

Instead of sharing the affair with people outside of the partnership, I would encourage people to consult professionals to process what has happened, either individually or as a couple. A professional can help you work through the infidelity without an agenda, using learned skills to help you heal.

#5 – Agree to seek help.

The last of the 5 essential boundaries that can help a marriage survive infidelity is the agreement to seek help.

When there is infidelity, a couple trying to save their marriage is in uncharted waters. Because they have never been through this before they have no idea what to do and none of the necessary skills. It is important that they are willing to seek help to process what has happened and gain skills to work through it.

Often times, after infidelity, one partner is willing to get therapy but the other partner wants to work through it alone, or ignore it all together. ‘ Why can ‘ t we just move on? ‘ they say. But, if your partner isn ‘ t willing to agree to seek help then the chances of surviving infidelity, and truly find yourself back to each other as a couple, could be less than none.

So, as soon as you can, before bad habits set in, I would encourage couples to seek help. I believe that couples therapy is essential but that individual therapy is an excellent idea as well. The cheater will need to process what happened and their guilt around it. The partner will need to work through their feelings of worthlessness and betrayal. If they do their individual work, the more successful their work together will be.

Now that you know the 5 essential boundaries that can help a marriage survive infidelity you can start working together towards saving your marriage.

Couples must commit to working through the aftermath of an affair together. The knowledge and acceptance of certain skills and behaviors is the key to making it happen.

Agree that there will be no contact, that the betrayed partner can ask questions without being met with anger and silence, that there will be no passive aggression but meaningful expression of emotions, that what happened will remain private and that professional help will be sought.

Many, many couples can, and do, survive infidelity but to do so they must work together with the goal in mind of getting through this and establishing a healthier relationship.

You can do it!

If you have made this far you must really be eager to fix your marriage after infidelity.

Let me help you, NOW, before it’s too late.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let ‘ s get started.

 

How to Let Go of Someone You Love After Infidelity

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Are you wondering how to let go of someone you love after infidelity, after that certain someone has had an affair?

Do you still love your person but are you unsure if you want to stay or let go of them in light of what they have done?

Are you super confused and overwhelmed and not sure what to do next?

There are some questions that you can ask yourself when you are wondering how to let go of someone you love after infidelity. Knowing the answers to these questions, the WHY you need to move on, will help you get some clarity on whether truly letting go and moving on is an option for you.

#1 – Can you ever trust them again?

A very large part of being in a healthy relationship is trust. Without trust, a relationship is doomed to fail.

Your person has had an affair. They have violated your trust. Do you think that you can ever learn to trust them again?

Will you be okay when they say they have to work late? Will you always need to check their phone? Will you wonder every time you can ‘ t account for their whereabouts for a few hours? Will you be upset whenever you see them talk to someone of the opposite sex?

The answers to these questions will help you figure out if you need to let go of someone you love after infidelity because if you can ‘ t trust them, ultimately, they will make you supremely unhappy every day because your mind will always be going to dark places, places where you still suspect that your person is doing you wrong again.

So, if you can ‘ t trust your person, letting them go, even if you love them, might be the best thing to do.

#2 – Can you forgive them?

A big part of getting past someone ‘ s affair is to ask yourself if you can forgive them for what they have done.

To forgive an affair involves many pieces. It means accepting that your person is just a person who makes mistakes. It means forgiving yourself for missing the signs and accepting that you are not a fool. It means acknowledging that this is not your fault. It means that your person has taken responsibility for their actions and that they are committed to not doing it again.

There are many pieces to forgiveness and, while it is possible to forgive someone for their infidelity, if you know that you can ‘ t let go of what has happened, if you can ‘ t forgive your partner for their betrayal, then letting them go will be a good idea so that you can both move on.

#3 – Do you want to still be with them?

If you are reading this article, I am guessing that you still love your person. My question to you is, do you still like them? Like them enough to want to still be with them?

Many people stay in relationships with people even if they don ‘ t really want to be in relationship with them because they think they must do so. The option of leaving just isn ‘ t an option, for a variety of reasons.

And, if you don ‘ t want to be with someone, if you actively don’t like them, staying with them will just make you miserable. More miserable than leaving.

So, a good way to work towards deciding if you must let go of someone you love after they commit infidelity is to see if you really do want to be with them or you are just holding on to some kind of ‘ ˜should. ‘

#4 – Are you staying with them for the wrong reasons?

This is a very important thing to ask yourself. Why are you choosing to stay with this person? Yes, you love them, but if you feel like you can ‘ t trust them or forgive them then why are you staying?

Are you staying because of your kids, because of finances, because of public perception, because you ‘ ˜don ‘ t believe in divorce ‘ or you ‘ ˜don ‘ t believe in giving up? ‘

Are you staying for any reason other than the fact that you believe that you can forgive and trust and move past what has happened?

If the answer is yes, recognize what that thing is and ask yourself if that thing is worse than you being miserable for, perhaps, the rest of your life. Because that ‘ s what staying with them for the wrong reasons will do.

All of those things that are mentioned above are things that can be dealt with. Being miserable for the rest of your life will not be.

#5 – Have you tried everything?

For many people, when they let go of someone they love after infidelity, once they do, they have regrets.

The wonder if they did everything that they could do before they walked away. Did they work to trust and to forgive? Did they perhaps work with a life coach or therapist to process what has happened? Did they try couples counseling to try to work through, together, the issues in the relationship?

If you don ‘ t think that you have tried everything that you need to try before letting go of your someone, consider doing so before walking away.

Regret is a horrible thing and if you are considering letting go of someone you love and you haven ‘ t tried everything, you very well might regret it.

Learning how to let go of someone you love after infidelity is a very important next step in seeking future happiness.

It ‘ s not easy to let go of someone you love, even if they have betrayed you. It is important that you don ‘ t make the decision lightly but that you do so knowing that what you have and haven ‘ t done, what you can and can ‘ t do.

Knowing these things, knowing the WHY you are leaving someone, will make letting them go that much easier.

If you have made this far you must really struggling with whether to let go of someone you love.

Let me help you, NOW, before it’s too late!

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let ‘ s get started.

Surviving Repeated Infidelity: Should You Stay Or Should You Go?

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Has your partner cheated on you over and over and over? Are you wondering about surviving repeated infidelity, whether it ‘ s time for you to stay in or get out of the relationship?

Whether your partner has cheated on you once or cheated on you multiple times, your pain is real and your feelings are overwhelming and asking yourself how you are going to get through this is really important.

There are a few questions that you can ask yourself to help you make the decision about whether you should stay or you should go.

#1 – Is your partner truly remorseful?

Surviving repeated infidelity and keeping your relationship intact is harder than if the infidelity is a one-time thing but there is one element that is essential as the first step to get past both kinds of affairs: remorse.

If your partner is fooling around on you over and over and over then it ‘ s important that they accept responsibility for their actions.

Do they truly show you remorse and acknowledge that what they did was wrong and how much they hurt you? Or do they try to put some (or all) of the blame back on you – that you were ignoring them or not having sex with them or some other sort of excuse that lets them off the hook?

If your partner can ‘ t or won ‘ t acknowledge their responsibility for the affair then it is very possible that it will happen again. Even if it doesn ‘ t happen again, the rest of your relationship could involve them blaming you for their actions.

So, take a good hard look at your partner. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who isn ‘ t willing to take responsibility for their actions and the pain they caused you? If not, perhaps it ‘ s time for you to go.

#2 – Is your partner willing to get help?

Serial infidelity is not something that happens in a void. People who fool around over and over are people who are struggling with who they are in some way.

People who have a single affair don ‘ t generally set out to have an affair. There is something missing in their marriage, maybe something they aren ‘ t even aware of. And then they meet someone, maybe at work, someone who is having the same experiences as they and they strike up a friendship. As the friendship grows, so do the feelings between the two of them. Eventually, this connection can lead to an affair.

People who cheat more than once on their partner, either one at a time or perhaps with multiple other partners, are generally people who set out to have an affair. And the reasons that they set out to have the affairs are many.

Perhaps they are feeling unhappy in their primary relationship and seek someone who understands them. Perhaps they want more sex then they are getting in their current relationship. Perhaps they need to have sex with more than one person to feel good about themselves. Perhaps they have abandonment issues that make them need to leave the person they are with so that they aren ‘ t left. Perhaps they are struggling with trust issues and don ‘ t believe that anyone could be faithful to them.

The list of reasons why someone cheats repeatedly is endless but what is important for deciding whether to stay or go is whether your person is willing to take a good hard look at why they cheat repeatedly and agree to get some help to manage it.

I do believe that relationship counseling can help move the relationship towards a resolution but I think that it ‘ s essential that the cheater gets some help to understand and deal with the source of their cheating.

So, if your person is willing to get help, then perhaps staying, at least for now, is a good idea.

#3 – Do you still like your partner?

An important question to ask about surviving repeated infidelity is whether or not you still like your person.

I have a client whose husband cheated on her. She was so very angry and we talked a lot about her anger and sense of betrayal. And then one day I asked her ‘ ˜Do you still like your husband? I know you are angry with him but do you still like him? ‘

My client didn ‘ t have a clear answer about that but we worked through it and she decided that yes, while she was angry, she still liked, and loved, her husband.

I know many partners of cheaters who do not like their person after they cheat. They feel hurt and anger and they also feel hatred. That hatred is hard to overcome no matter how much therapy a couple attends. For others, love stays in spite of the betrayal.

So, ask yourself, do you still like you partner? If not, then perhaps it ‘ s time to walk away.

#4 – Can you forgive and move on?

An essential part of surviving repeated infidelity is not about your partner but about you. Can you forgive and move on?

There are two people to forgive in the aftermath of infidelity – your partner, of course, but also yourself. Yes, yourself.

For many of us who are cheated on we are left with a tremendous amount of self-loathing. How could we have missed the signs? Why were we not good enough? Was it our body or our face or our personality or our lack of good sexual techniques that sent our partner out to find someone else? And if your partner cheated on you repeatedly, the self-loathing could be magnified.

It is important that we not only forgive our partners for their infidelity but also forgive ourselves for any perceived shortcomings that we might be holding on to.

#5 – Can you see finding a new connection?

I know that right now you are feeling angry and wondering if you could possibly ever actually connect with your partner again. Perhaps you are feeling insecure that you could never give them what they got from their lover. Perhaps you don ‘ t know if you could possibly trust them or see them in the same way again.

An important consideration as to whether you should stay or go is can you see yourself being able to form a new connection with your partner, one that might be different from the connection that you had before.

One of things that happen after affairs is that the original couple gets shattered. The bedrock that held the couple together, the love, the little inside jokes, the patterns and routines are all gone and the couple must reinvent their relationship, to make it other than what it was that opened it up to infidelity, so that it can survive.

Are you and your partner willing to do that? Do you both see a path to finding each other again? To establishing a new path so that you can grow stronger together and build a new relationship full of love and trust.

It might be difficult but, if you can do it, you might just be successful in surviving repeated infidelity.

Surviving repeated infidelity can be a big struggle, bigger even than surviving a one-time affair.

Asking yourself, and your partner, the tough questions will give you the answers you need as to whether you should stay or you should go.

Is your partner taking responsibility for their actions? Are they willing to get help to identify why they repeatedly cheat? Do you still like your partner, can you forgive and move on? Do you see a path to a new relationship? All of these things are important to take into account when figuring out what your next steps are.

This won ‘ t be easy but I can promise you that you will survive it!

 

If you have made this far you must be focused on surviving repeated infidelity.

Let me help you figure things out, NOW, so you can a decision and move foward.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let ‘ s get started.

Surviving Infidelity Together: 5 Ways Couples Can Weather The Storm

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Is surviving infidelity together at all possible? Can a couple work through and get past the ultimate relationship betrayal – unfaithfulness.

Infidelity is devastating. The damage that is left, damaged caused by betrayal, lack of trust, unanswered questions and the unknown future seems irreparable.

But let me tell you that surviving infidelity together is possible. It won ‘ t be easy but it can be done.

Here are some important steps to take in the healing process.

#1 – No contact. None.

This is the number one most important thing for couples who are striving towards surviving infidelity together. If this step isn ‘ t taken, getting through this might not be possible.

It is essential that the unfaithful person cut their lover out of their life completely. There can be no trying to be friends, no final meeting for closure, no secret meetings to feed the need to be together. Unfriended and blocked on social media. Contact info deleted.

I believe that it ‘ s impossible to fully get away from a relationship if you don ‘ t go ‘ ˜no contact. ‘ This is especially important after infidelity.

Why? Affairs are addictive and, for the married couple to get through recovery, it ‘ s imperative that the addiction be broken. The unfaithful person needs to be fully cut off from their lover so that they can focus on their partner. This is not possible if their lover hovers in the background.

Furthermore, the wronged partner needs to know and trust that their partner ‘ s person is not still out there, threatening the relationship.

So, first and foremost, go no contact. Without it, surviving infidelity together will be almost impossible.

#2 – Talking it out.

An essential part of surviving infidelity together is talking it out.

No affair happens in a void. More often than not, when an affair occurs, there are issues in a relationship.

Perhaps one partner never feels heard or isn ‘ t having their sexual needs met or is overwhelmed by the emotional abuse they are subjected to. Perhaps parenting has made them feel like less of a person and having an affair allowed them to feel like themselves again.

Whatever the reasons, these issues need to be discussed. Everything must be put out in the open so that everyone understands what might have led to the affair. Not to assign blame but to take a good honest look at what the issues are in the relationship and commit to make change around them.

Talking it out can be difficult and often it ‘ s important for a couple to get a professional to help them do so. Feelings will run high and having someone on hand to help keep them in line will be essential.

#3 – Rebuilding trust.

It is essential for couples who are interested in surviving a relationship together that they work hard to rebuild trust.

The wronged partner needs to know that they can trust their partner and the wandering partner needs to trust that their person is willing to work together to move forward.

A key part of rebuilding trust is to cut the other person out of your life, as I mentioned above. For the wronged person, knowing that their partner has walked away from their lover, that they don ‘ t need to always be wondering if they are together and that their person is committed to working through it is essential for moving forward.

The wayward partner needs to know that their partner is willing to be open to getting through this, to not be constantly critical of everything they do, to trust that they are no longer cheating and to not constantly question their character and motivations.

For both people, 100% transparency is important. If you have questions about what your spouse is doing, ask them. If you are going to be home later than usual, be clear about it and stay in touch. Whatever each other needs to feel safe in the relationship.

Trust is an essential part of a healthy relationship. Rebuilding trust will take some time but without trust, surviving infidelity together might not be possible.

#4 – Forgiveness.

Ah yes, forgiveness. The tough one.

You have been betrayed by someone who swore to love you forever. They fell in love and/or had sex with someone else – how can one possibly forgive someone for such horrific behavior.

Furthermore, how can you forgive yourself for missing the signs, for being the kind of partner your person would turn away from, for being so unbelievably stupid for letting it happen?

Forgiveness after infidelity is possible. And understanding that forgiveness doesn ‘ t mean forgetting is essential as well.

If your partner truly feels contrite, if they are willing to stay away from their partner and do everything that they can do to regain your trust, if they take accountability for their actions and are always honest with you, forgiveness is possible.

That being said, just because you forgive someone doesn ‘ t mean they are let off the hook. It doesn ‘ t mean that you are accepting that what they did is okay. It means that you are recognizing that your partner is human, that humans make mistakes and that your life and your relationship is important enough to you to try to move forward together.

You don ‘ t have to forget that the affair ever happened but if you can forgive your partner for their actions you have taken a big step towards surviving an affair together.

#5 – Getting to know each other again.

When an affair occurs, what is left is a huge chasm between partners.

Trust is gone, your person doesn ‘ t act like your person, you question everything you ever thought to be true and you wonder if you can ever really know your person again.

An essential part of surviving infidelity together is making an effort to get to know each other again. There was a time you were in love with this person and perhaps it ‘ s time to remember why.

Be willing to be 100% open about yourself to another person, like you were in the beginning, so that you remember how and why you love them.

Make an effort to do things together – the things that you used to love doing together and new things that will be exciting and fun. Spend time with non-judgmental friends who love you as a couple. If you have kids, spend time together as a family.

Talk about the future, a future that you might share together.

Remember, you loved this person, and might still love them. Knowing this might be the key to surviving infidelity together.

Affairs are devastating and destructive. Surviving them as a couple is possible.

It is important that you follow the steps above, to cut the other person out of your life, to talk about what happened, to rebuild trust, to forgive and to get to know each other again.

It is also important, if doing the things above aren ‘ t helping you get through this, to get some professional help. An outside perspective on this situation, with a person who is well versed in healing after an affair, can be more than helpful. They might help you bridge a chasm that you just can ‘ t traverse on your own.

I know that you are hurt. And good for you for reading this article and considering whether or not you want to try to save your relationship. It ‘ s not for everybody, forgiving and moving on, but if it might be an option for you, I definitely encourage you to try it.

Maybe you can still have your happily ever after!

Are you wondering if surviving infidelity together is possible?
Let me help, NOW, and before it’s too late!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

5 Tips For Surviving Infidelity As The Cheater

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Have you recently had an affair, or perhaps are you in the middle of one? If you are I know you ‘ re struggling, looking for ideas for surviving infidelity as the cheater.

I have had many clients who have had affairs and, while from the outside they might seem sexy and exciting, from the inside they ‘ re scary, overwhelming and fraught with guilt. That ‘ s not to say the sex isn ‘ t good but the guilt that comes with having an affair can sometimes be more than you can bear.

Fortunately, I have many clients who have been able to let go of the guilt they struggle with, people who see that surviving infidelity as the cheater is possible. Let me help you do the same.

#1 – Know that you are only human.

One thing that we all forget about is that we are only human.

We are raised to think that we are special, that we are different, that we can handle things that other people can ‘ t. And while to some extent this might be true, because everybody IS different, the truth of the matter is that we are all only human and we make mistakes.

People who have affairs are People who are often not happy with their lives. More likely than not, people who have affairs are struggling both in their personal lives and in their relationships. They don ‘ t feel good about themselves and/or they are struggling to find happiness with their partner.

It ‘ s a horrible, horrible place to be and, if you are in that place, what I suggest is that you cut yourself some slack. You are only human. You are going to make mistakes.

You are a person in the world, one trying to manage the insecurity and unhappiness in your life in a way that allows you to survive. Some people drink too much, some people eat too much, some people drive their cars too fast and some people have affairs.

You are not alone in the world. Plenty of other people are having affairs right now and feeling the same sort of guilt you are. So, let yourself off the hook, know that you are a good person but that you have made a bad choice.

We all make bad choices sometimes and none of us should be forever condemned for it.

#2 – Know that it ‘ s not all your fault.

I know you think that this affair is all your fault. You are the one who met someone else, developed a connection with that person and perhaps embarked down the road to a sexual relationship. Yes, you did that.

But you didn ‘ t do it in a void. As I stated above, people who are having affairs are often people who are deeply unhappy in their relationship. And they aren ‘ t the only person in that relationship.

Relationships are comprised of two people and two people are responsible when relationships start to suffer. Perhaps your husband works all the time and you are lonely. Or perhaps your wife has become detached and refuses to talk to you. You feel like you ‘ ve tried to fix things but you haven ‘ t had much success.

Most people don ‘ t intend to have affairs. They just happen. And they happen when people are vulnerable. All of my clients who have had affairs are people who were in a relationship that wasn ‘ t working and it wasn ‘ t working because the TWO people in the relationship were not willing, or able, to repair it. And then infidelity can happen.

Yesterday, I was talking to a client of mine who carries a tremendous amount of guilt about an affair he had and I asked him to think about why he had an affair. What was going on in his relationship that gave him the space to have an affair? He responded by saying ‘ ˜Nothing. My wife is perfect and the affair was all my fault. ‘ I pushed back and we dug a little deeper and we realized that she repeatedly did things that made him feel insecure about himself and that led him to move towards someone who thought he was amazing.

So, please try to understand that your affair is not all your fault. Understanding that will help you manage the guilt that you are struggling with.

#3 – Get some support.

For many people who have had affairs, the prospect of reaching out to get some professional help is unthinkable.

People who have had affairs are racked with guilt and self-loathing and to admit what they have done just seems more then they can bear.

I can promise you that therapists, psychologists and life coaches have seen it all and will absolutely not judge you if you disclose that you ‘ re having an affair. I can promise you that they will look at you with understanding and be able to help you do the work that needs be done to help you manage your guilt.

Another source of excellent help are others who have also survived infidelity. Only people who have experienced infidelity can really understand what it ‘ s all about. Having someone who has been through it can help you understand and manage your emotions in a way that will help you let it go.

Find a support group for people who have survived infidelity. The sharing could change your life.

Please, reach out today. Don ‘ t go through this alone.

#4 – Shut things down.

The key piece of surviving the guilt of infidelity is to stop being unfaithful.

You can use all the techniques that I have described above and they will help you manage your guilt but they won ‘ t help you let it go completely.

The only way to stop truly feeling guilty about having an affair is to stop having one.

I know, I know. That ‘ s way easier said than done. But it is possible and doing so is the best thing that you can do to stop that guilt cold in it tracks.

#5 – Rebuild your relationship.

Rebuilding your relationship after having affair might seem like an impossible thing to do, and it just might be, but if you can do it successfully you have the best chance of surviving the guilt of infidelity.

Think about when you are doing a project and you make a big mistake and everything goes wrong but in the end the project is successful. It ‘ s the same thing with a marriage that has been rocked by infidelity. The rocking doesn ‘ t have to cause the ship to sink. If you can manage the rock and keep the relationship afloat and moving forward then all ‘ s well that ends well.

Imagine how good it would feel to be back in your relationship, safe, solid and happy.

Right now, surviving infidelity as the cheater might seem impossible but it doesn ‘ t have to be.

I know for days, weeks, months or perhaps longer you have been racked with the guilt of what you are doing but it doesn ‘ t have to be that way.

Recognize that you are only human, know that it ‘ s not all your fault, get yourself some help, end your affair and work to rebuild your relationship.

If you can do these things then you will survive the guilt of your transgression and might even end up in a better relationship as a result. How great would that be?

Get started now. You can do it!

Are you really struggling with surviving infidelity as the cheater?
Let me help, NOW, before it’s too late!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

Surviving Online Infidelity: Are Cyber Affairs Any Less Harmful?

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Are you struggling with surviving online infidelity?

Has the person you loved strayed from your relationship by corresponding with another person online?

Are you wrestling with your feelings and not really sure if what you are feeling is okay? Are you wondering if maybe you shouldn ‘ t be as upset as you are because it ‘ s just an online relationship? It ‘ s not like they had sex or anything.

Let me help you! Surviving online infidelity is possible but first there are some things that you should know.

#1 – Affairs aren ‘ t all about sex.

For many people, the definition of an affair is when one person has sex with another person outside of the relationship.

The reality, however, is quite different.

Experts say that an affair begins when someone starts sharing things that they aren ‘ t sharing with someone else.

One of my clients remembers the time when she told the person she eventually had an affair with that she was depressed. She had never said those words out loud before. That started it all.

Why does this sharing mark the beginning of an affair? Because it creates an intimacy between the two people, one that might be more than that of the original relationship.

Online affairs are all about intimacy. All about sharing feelings and thoughts and hopes and dreams. It can often lead to a deep love, one that is not about sex. And that can be scarier, in many ways.

#2 – Online affairs can be more intense.

Online relationships can, in many ways, be more intense.

Because there is no face-to-face contact, but only words shared, there is a tension that builds between the two people. When people have a physical affair, tension can be released after sex. When people have no physical release, the tension just continues to grow.

And with the increase in tension, there is an increase in intensity and which makes the affair more dangerous because the feelings intensify.

Many people who leave their partners for someone they have never met face to face do so because the intensity is so compelling that it drives them to make big, stupid, life changes.

So, don ‘ t kid yourself that, because these two are far away from each other, the relationship can ‘ t be that strong. It actually might be stronger than you realize.

#3 – Any kind affair kills trust.

One of the most important parts of any healthy relationship is trust. When affairs happen, trust is violated, perhaps forever.

Since you discovered your partner ‘ s infidelity do you check your their phone and email regularly? Do you question where they are going when they leave the house? Do you obsess about whether he is lying to you about what is happening?

All of these things are evidence that trust has been broken in your relationship. The first step towards surviving online infidelity is rebuilding trust.

#4 – How hurt are you?

When asking yourself whether online infidelity is any less harmful than a physical affair, it ‘ s important to note how you are feeling.

Are you hurt? Are you sad? Are you indifferent?

For many, learning about an online affair can be devastating. Knowing that their partner has shared any intimacy with another person can be incredibly painful.

For others, however, their partner having an online affair doesn ‘ t carry much significance. They have their person every day to come home to. They have sex with them. They share the finances. They are still a couple. The person on the other end of the internet line is just a person who gets nothing but words. And for many people, they are almost happy that their partner has another outlet – that they don ‘ t have to responsible for holding their feelings constantly.

So, how do you feel about what you have discovered? If you are hurt, then, yes, the online affair is harmful. If not, then perhaps you can just not make a big deal of it and move on.

#5 – Infidelity can destroy your relationship.

Whether it ‘ s online or physical, an affair can have the power to destroy your relationship.

The breakdown of trust, the displaced intimacy, the intenseness of the new relationship and the profound hurt that you might feel, all of these can result in the permanent destruction of your relationship.

If there can be a silver lining of an online affair it ‘ s that distance can be a help in trying to end it. When affairs are face-to-face they can be harder to break off because of people might still be thrown together at work or in town or at a party. With an online affair, it might be as simple as blocking or unfriending someone and then it ‘ s over.

But, don ‘ t be naïve. Letting go of an affair is not something that happens easily. People who have affairs become addicted to them. They fall in love with the person they are in the relationship – a woman or man – not a husband or a father or an employee. And that is very hard to let go of!

Surviving an online affair is possible.

It is important, however, that you recognize an online affair for what it is – an affair that can be more intense than a sexual one, that causes the breakdown of trust, that hurts you deeply and that can end your relationship.

It is possible to find your way back to your original relationship, with therapy, communication and restoration of trust but it can and will be challenging.

Now that you understand what an online affair is all about, you can take the next steps and decide if you want to work with your partner to heal or if it ‘ s time to move on.

Do youwant to know surviving online infidelity?
Let me help you, NOW, so you can get started!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

 

 

5 Things You Must Know About Surviving Infidelity PTSD

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Have you recently (or not so recently) discovered that your partner is having an affair and are looking to understand how surviving infidelity PTSD is possible?

Many people are surprised that infidelity can cause PTSD but it is true. Discovering infidelity causes significant trauma, trauma akin to physical or emotional abuse, death of a child or parent or some other life changing occurrence.

Furthermore, the trauma that results from discovering infidelity can also bring up unresolved issues from past trauma, mixing with your present situation, to make the PTSD even worse.

It is very important that, if you are struggling with PTSD, you seek professional help. Unresolved trauma can rear it ‘ s head over and over again. In the meantime, I am going to share with you the signs of PTSD and give you some recommendations about how surviving infidelity PTSD is possible.

#1 – Self-blame.

For many people who suffer from emotional and physical trauma, self-blame is very common and a huge indicator of PTSD.

Do you blame yourself that you partner strayed? Do you think that if you had only been nicer or funnier or skinnier or had more sex with them that they wouldn ‘ t have cheated on you?

Do you chide yourself for being so clueless that you didn ‘ t see the signs, that you missed the fact that your partner was stepping out on you?

Let me tell you, your partner ‘ s infidelity is NOT YOUR FAULT.

Infidelity happens for many reasons but it doesn ‘ t happen because of things that you didn ‘ t do. More often than not, infidelity is something that happens not because someone seeks it out but because two people meet and there is an attraction that proves irresistible.

Blame is a double-edged sword but if anyone must be blamed it ‘ s those who couldn ‘ t resist, who proved weak in the face of temptation and who lied to you over and over.

I know it ‘ s hard but work hard to not blame yourself because you are not to blame.

#2 – Unstable emotions and disorientation.

Do you find yourself struggling with a wide range of emotions?

Do you find yourself crying one minute, raging another, way too happy and then back to the tears? Do you find yourself sitting in the car looking out the window only to realize that an hour has passed?

People who struggle with PTSD struggle with unstable emotions and disorientation. The pain that has been caused to them is so extreme that it renders their emotions uncontrollable. Because of the power of these emotions, our brain is overwhelmed and disorientation is the result.

Time will help with emotions that are out of control – they are strongest right after the pain is caused but they dissipate as time goes on. Often times, without help, they don ‘ t go away completely but they can, at the very least, be managed. And when managed, the disorientation will be resolved.

For now, have awareness that the wide range of emotions that you are struggling with are completely natural. Chiding yourself for feeling them, for not staying calm, for being angry with life and at the same so very sad will only make the emotions worse. Accepting them as a part of the healing process will allow them to help you do that – heal.

#3 – Intrusive Thoughts.

Do you find yourself obsessing over and over with the images of your partner committing infidelity? Do you regularly chide yourself for missing the signs? Do you question your self-worth and wonder if you are worthy of love? Do you spend more time in your head than you do in the now, living your life?

Unfortunately, our powerful brain – the thing that distinguishes us from every other animal in the world – can also be our worst enemy. Our brain loves to run negative tapes over and over, tapes that serve to reinforce all of the bad thoughts that we have about ourselves, our loved one and our lives.

These negative thoughts don ‘ t serve us in any way and can actually make healing more difficult.

There are ways to deal with these intrusive thoughts. The first it to start having awareness that the thoughts are just that, intrusive and not necessarily productive. Next, accept that the thoughts are not serving you but that they should not be chased away. Let these thoughts float through your head and don ‘ t try to analyze them or give them any power. And then let them go.

It ‘ s also important to remember that the thoughts will probably come back and that you will have to practice this awareness over and over. Ultimately, with time, those intrusive thoughts will dissipate.

Another useful tool for reducing the power of intrusive thought is by doing something that will occupy your brain. Yoga and meditation are excellent tools for managing intrusive thoughts but reading, TV and sleep also work. Whatever you can do to give yourself a break from those thoughts, even for a little while, will help you manage them and reduce their effect on you.

#4 – Trust issues.

Many people who are trying to understand surviving infidelity PTSD find that they have developed significant trust issues.

When the person who we love the most, on whom we have put all of our hopes and dreams, who we trust more than anyone else, betrays us then our place in the world is profoundly affected. Instead of believing in the best in people we are instead left believing that people are ultimately evil and that trusting ourselves and our emotions to anyone will only cause us pain.

It is important, when your partner has been unfaithful, that you spend as much time as possible with those who love you and those you can trust. One person has betrayed your trust, not everyone, and being reminded of that regularly will help restore your faith in people.

With time, and help, you will learn that trusting people is possible and that even that person who betrayed your trust might be worthy of it again.

#5 – Hopelessness.

Are you struggling with the belief that nothing will ever be the same again? That happiness will be forever out of reach, that you will never love again and that life can not possibly go on?

It is important that you understand the nature of hopelessness around PTSD. A key part of PTSD is depression and, when we are depressed, the belief that anything will ever be okay again is inconceivable. When we are depressed we are simply incapable of believing that life will get better.

But, let me promise you that, with time and treatment, the feeling of depression and hopelessness will fade. Life does go on, you will love again and that happiness will once again be yours.

Again, spending time with people who love you is an excellent way to manage the hopelessness. You might not believe them in the moment but having people remind you that you will get through this and that life will go on is an essential part of the healing process.

Surviving infidelity PTSD is not only possible but probable with time, treatment and awareness.

Again, getting professional treatment for your PTSD is essential. Talk to your primary care physician right away and they can help you access the treatment that you need.

Having awareness of your PTSD symptoms, the self-blame, the uncontrollable emotions, the intrusive thoughts, the trust issues and the hopelessness, will help you manage them. Understanding and accepting that they are a natural occurence in the face of infidelity will help you process them and help you heal.

And time is the ultimate healer. I know it ‘ s hard to believe it now but, as time goes on, you will feel better. Life will be worth living again. The pain might not be gone but it will be less and it will be manageable.

For now, keep your head up, believe that the future is there, accept where you are right now and get some help.

You will get through this, I promise.

Do youwantto know more about surviving infidelity PTSD?
Let me help you, NOW, before its too late!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

How To Know If Surviving Infidelity Without Counseling Is Possible For You

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Have you discovered that your partner has been cheating? Do you hope nonetheless for a reconciliation? Are you wondering if surviving infidelity without counseling is possible?

The betrayal of a loved one can be devastating but it doesn ‘ t have to be the end of a relationship or the death of your happy life. There are ways to deal with it and survive it without counseling but it will take a lot of presence of mind, life skills and determination.

Let me walk you through how surviving infidelity without counseling is possible.

#1 – Is the other person completely out of the picture.

A very important piece of surviving infidelity and keeping your relationship intact is whether or not the other person is completely out of the picture.

Working on a marriage when the other person is still around is literally impossible. Your partner and their lover are connected in a deep way. If you have been told that they are ‘ ˜now just friends ‘ or they don ‘ t ‘ ˜see ‘ each other anymore but still talk, then that person is NOT out of the picture.

If the other person isn ‘ t out of the picture you and your partner will fail in any attempts to regain loving feelings about each other because you will always be suspicious and feel less loved and your partner will stay emotionally connected to the person who was their lover.

So, the first step in all of this is ensuring the other person is gone. Only once that is the case can you proceed to the next steps.

#2 – Do you genuinely want it to work?

Your partner has done the unimaginable – they have fooled around on you. They have betrayed the commitment you have made to each other. They have broken your heart.

So, let me ask you this – do you still want to be in a relationship with this person?

This is a key part of surviving infidelity without counseling. If you aren ‘ t determined to make this work, if every fiber of your being knows that, if possible, you would like to get your relationship back, then any efforts to save it will be futile.

Being determined doesn ‘ t guarantee success but, without out it, you are doomed to failure.

#3 – Can you still communicate with each other?

If you and you partner are still able to communicate with each other then surviving infidelity without counseling is definitely possible.

Communication is the most important tool for fixing what is broken. You will need to communicate how you are feeling and your partner will need to communicate how they got to the place where infidelity was even an option.

You will need to work together to identify issues in your relationship and make a concrete plan to work on those issues together.You will need to understand each other ‘ s wants and needs and be committed to making change.

The only way to do that effectively is by being able to communicate clearly with each other – to speak and listen and make sure each other are heard and understood.

#4 – Can you let go of the anger?

Your partner has fooled around on you and of course you are ANGRY. Who wouldn ‘ t be? But can you let go of it and move on?

If you are holding onto anger, anger at yourself for your naiveté, anger at your partner for their wandering hands, then working on surviving infidelity without counseling will be impossible. Your anger will interfere with your communication, your anger will interfere with wanting to make things work, your anger will cloud your emotions so that you can ‘ t think clearly.

If you are still angry with your partner, and the situation, take some time to work through that anger and let it go. Once you have been able to let it go then you will be able to start working with your partner to get through the mess.

I know letting go of anger is easier said than done but it is possible!

#5 – Can you forgive?

This final piece is really important – can you forgive your partner?

Forgiveness is a key part of surviving infidelity. Again, you have been betrayed. Do you have the ability to accept and understand the where and why it happened and not hold it over your partner’s head going forward?

It is possible to forgive even if it ‘ s not possible to forget. It might take some time to get there but if you can do so then you have a real chance at saving your relationship and living the rest of your lives together happily.

So, take some time. Do some reading about forgiveness, what it means and how to get there. See if you can forgive your partner and move on.

Surviving infidelity without counseling might seem impossible. But it isn ‘ t.

Every day, many couples come back from the betrayal of infidelity and live happy lives together.

If the other person is out of the picture, if you can still communicate, if you have determination, if you aren ‘ t stuck in anger and can forgive, then you have a good chance of being able to get past this and move on.

Of course, if you try to work on your relationship without counseling and fail, it is still possible to take that next step and get some professional help to get you through it. Therapists and life coaches are trained in helping people move past difficult situations and sometimes expert help is just what you need to take that next step.

Good luck with this next period in your life. You can do it!!

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really be struggling with surviving infidelity.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before you lose your relationship.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

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