How Healthy Relationships Work – 5 Things That You Must Know Before You Can Have One

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Wouldn ‘ t you love to know how healthy relationships work?

Is there anything that you would like more than to have a healthy relationship, a love to share your life with?

Sure, a job and a nice apartment and good friends are important to you but really, isn ‘ t love the ultimate goal?

For many of us the answer is yes!

So how do you find love, find a healthy relationship? And how do you know if the relationship you are in now is even healthy?

Let ‘ s talk about how healthy relationships work so that you can have one!

In a healthy relationship:

#1 – Keep things even.

Think about your past relationships that haven ‘ t worked out. Was one of you more dominant than the other? Did one of you have more control? If yes, that might be why it didn’t work out.

In healthy relationships, couples are evenly matched and if they aren ‘ t it ‘ s because both sides are okay with an imbalance.

Does one of you decide more often what you do on weekends? Does one of you decide how the closet is going to be organized? Does one of you decide who your friends are?

Does the answer to those questions above always point to the same person?

If yes, then your relationship is out of balance. If one person has all power in a relationship it ‘ s not healthy. Not healthy because no one can truly be happy if they are being told what to do or made to do things they don ‘ t want to do.

So take a look at your partnership. Are you happy with how decisions are made? If he makes all the decisions and you are still happy then that ‘ s ok. But if you aren ‘ t happy, then it ‘ s time to make change.

#2 – Love yourselves first.

Do you like the person who you are? Do you like the work that you do? Do your relationships make you feel good about yourself? Do you not take others’ actions personally? Are you honest with yourself about your issues and limitations?

All of these are very important pieces of knowing and liking ourselves. It is essential that both people in a relationship know and accept themselves. Because if they do, then they can truly open their heart to another.

I have always struggled with feeling insecure in relationships. I always struggled with the feeling that there was no way any guy could really like me. There was no basis for that but I felt that way and it made me difficult to be in a relationship with.

And then I started my own business. I worked hard and found success. And in the meantime I learned that I was awesome and that I was making a difference in the world and that any guy would be lucky to have me. And guess what! I found an amazing guy because I was not longer insecure about myself.

And, yes, he does love me madly.

#3 – Always be honest.

I have said it before and will say it again. Without honesty there is no hope for happiness in a relationship, or anywhere.

I have a client who lives in constant fear that her husband is fooling around on her. It occupies her every waking moment – that she can ‘ t trust him. That he is talking to another woman while he is at work or out doing errands. She worries so much that it is taking over her life and making her miserable.

So talk to him about it, I suggested. But she can ‘ t. She and her husband have gotten to a place where they don ‘ t feel safe talking to each other about anything, big or small.

So instead of talking with her husband, sorting out her feelings and reconciling them with his actions, she is living with anxiety and fear and she is miserable.

Every person in a healthy relationship is in an honest relationship. If you have issues with your partner that are affecting your happiness, speak up. Let him know how you are feeling and you can work together to try to fix it.

And be honest about other things too – honest about where you go after work or when you are going to see your mother or about how much money you spent on the new vacuum cleaner. Make it a policy to never tell a lie, not even a white one.

#4 – Have a life of your own.

It is very important that both sides of a relationship are not completely reliant on the other for their happiness.

I have a client whose whole life revolves around her husband. She wakes up with him, makes him breakfast, gets him off to work, cleans the house after he is gone, brings him lunch at work, makes dinner for when he comes home and watches what he wants to watch every night.

She has turned her back on everyone in her life so that her husband can be happy. She tells herself that she is happy because he is happy but really, she isn ‘ t.

That is why she is talking to me!

Make sure that when you are in a relationship you have lots of things in your life outside of your relationship. Make sure you have a job, or a hobby, that you love. Make sure that you have friends who you can play with. Make sure that you spend time by yourself so that you are comfortable being alone.

If you rely completely on your partner for your happiness, you will only be setting yourself up for failure. Going away and then coming together to share experiences is a key part of maintaining a healthy relationship.

So call up some girlfriends and make a date for dinner and the movies. Your husband will be fine and will be very happy to see you when you return.

Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

#5 – Make each other feel loved.

Did you know that while you might feel like the things that you are doing for your partner make him feel loved, those things might not actually be working?

Shocking, I know!

Expressing love seems straightforward, no? Well, not so much.

It seems that most of usexpress lovein waysthatWE want to be loved – as opposed to in waysour partner wants to be loved.

We might feel loved when we get a piece of jewelry as an expression of affection but our partner might feel loved by getting to spend a full day together, just the two of you. We might feel loved when we get a hug but our partner might feel loved if we take out the trash.

The key is learning what it is that your partner needs to feel loved. When you learn what that is and express your love using those actions, your partner will truly feel loved.

Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languagescreated a whole movement around this concept of there being 5 languages of love, and thus5 ways to express love to your partner. And when you use your partner ‘ s love language they will FEEL loved.

Check out his website here.

So now you know about how healthy relationships work and now you can get out there and find one of your own or make the one that you are in healthier.

The goal for all of us is love and, in order to find it and keep it, we need to do the hard work.

So make sure that the power levels are even in your relationship. Make sure that you both know and like yourselves and that you each have a life outside of the relationship. Always, always, be honest. And love your partner the way they want to be loved.

So now you know what you are looking for. Go out and find it!

5 Ways To Organize Your Life After Divorce

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Are you wondering how to organize your life after divorce? Is the life that you once led, the one that you knew so well, suddenly over and completely gone and you have no idea what to do next?

Let me help!

Getting divorced can be devastating but it doesn ‘ t have to be life ending. Getting organized is a great way to get your second chapter started in a very positive way. So where to start?

#1 – Keep your important papers where you can reach them.

Even though your divorce is final, it is very important that you keep all of the paperwork around your divorce close by.

To that end, it is essential that you create a filing system that will work for you to manage that paperwork. Keep your final divorce agreement, a name change document and any other documents that you have related to your divorce in a place where they won ‘ t get lost and where you can get to them easily.

Your divorce might be final but there are plenty of times over the next few years that you might need that paperwork. You might need them if you are applying for a mortgage or filing your taxes or changing your credit card account information. And if you don ‘ t have the info close by you could be in trouble.

I have been divorced for 6 years but still find that I need my paperwork. This Christmas I bought my airplane tickets through Expedia and, by mistake, the tickets were purchased in my married name. I discovered this the night before we travelled and, in order to change the name on the ticket, I had to provide the official name change documentation.

Thank goodness I had it in my file drawer so that I could send it to the airline. It still took me 5 hours on hold with the airlines to get the name changed but get it changed I did!!!! So keep all of the paperwork related to your divorce in one place, a place you won ‘ t forget and have easy access to.

#2 – Get a thorough understanding of your finances.

Every divorce leads to some sort of financial upheaval and making sure you have a clear understanding of what your finances look like is key part of how to organize your life after divorce.

So, first off, review all financial documentation that you have – bank accounts, mortgage accounts, credit card accounts, brokerage accounts, trusts, IRAs, etc. Make sure that you have a clear understanding of your assets, both liquid and fixed.

Next, pull together an accounting of your expenses – your mortgage, your car payments, your tuition payments, your grocery expenses, your kids ‘ after school costs, etc. Whatever it is that you spend money on. Once you have all of your assets and expenses pulled together then it ‘ s time to make a financial plan for your future.

How much money you can spend monthly, what you can put away for savings, what things might need to get adjusted to fit the new financial situation? If your financial documents are all Greek to you, as they were to me, then spend the money and hire a good financial manager who can help you figure out what your money situation is.

A thorough understanding of your financial picture will set you up for future success.

#3 – Identify what kind of help you are going to need.

When I got divorced one of the biggest losses for me was that I no longer had someone living with me who knew how to work power tools, trouble shoot computers and manage our taxes.

For 20 years I had relied on my husband to fix things around the house, to deal with the computer (and other technology) when things went awry and to manage the taxes each year. As a matter of fact, one of the reasons that I didn ‘ t want a divorce was because I didn ‘ t want to deal with doing those things. Suddenly I was alone and I had to figure out how to deal with things that I had no idea how to manage.

So what did I do? I learned how to use some tools on my own – basic tools so that I could do simple things around the house. But. more importantly, I found a handyman who I could rely on to come help me if I needed help. Someone who could do all the little things that my husband used to do that I couldn ‘ t do on my own.

As for technology, I learned that you could Google almost anything and find a You Tube video that would explain how to fix things. I also found a guy in town willing to help me if I couldn ‘ t figure it out on my own.

And finally, for what worried me most, taxes, I hired a tax guy. Every year, in January, he sends me a worksheet of things that I need to pull together so that he can do my taxes for me in April. I gather everything together and send them to him and he does my taxes for me. It costs me some money but it is totally worth it for my piece of mind, knowing that my taxes are done and done properly.

So take an inventory of what you will need to do around your house and figure out what you can do to get those things done. You can either set out to learn how to do them yourself or hire someone to do them for you. Either way, make a plan so you aren ‘ t caught off guard by a broken pipe or a disabled modem.

#4 – Make a calendar.

If you have kids, making a calendar is an essential part of how to organize your life after divorce.

Many divorces result in some sort of shared custody agreement. And with that kind of agreement there are nights, weekends and holidays to work around. Many people don ‘ t want to take a good look at calendars because the prospect of sharing the kids is just too painful to face. As a result, the visitation agreement might not get clearly followed which could create a mess for everyone, especially the kids.

Perhaps your ex doesn ‘ t remember that it ‘ s his day to pick up the kids and they are left standing by the side of the road for an hour. Perhaps you return the kids late without calling and he gets royally pissed off. Perhaps both families have assumptions about Christmas morning that don ‘ t get addressed because nobody created a calendar.

Once your divorce is final, make a calendar, one that you share with your ex, that includes who is going to be where when. Make sure that you both agree on the schedule and both commit to keeping it.

Dealing with exes and kids can be incredibly difficult but if there are no misunderstandings around schedule that will go a long way towards preventing some of the pain.

#5 – Create a support system.

This final piece of how to get organized after divorce is a key piece.

When we are married we tend to focus on our nuclear family. No matter how unhappy we are, in general it ‘ s mom and dad and the kids. Chores are divided, activities are attended, meals are eaten and discussions are had.

Now that you are divorced, you will find that that other person who was usually in bed with you in the morning and at the dinner table at night will be gone. It will be just you and the kids or, even worse, just you.

Making sure that you have a support system is a key part of surviving a divorce. Do you have friends and family who you can rely on? Do you have a therapist or life coach who understands you and can help you manage your emotions? Are you involved in activities with people you enjoy being with? Is work someplace where you can feel good about yourself and confident in your abilities?

If the answer to any or all of the questions above is NO then it ‘ s time to get out there and find yourself a support system.

Getting started with this second act of your life will be very hard and doing it alone will make it almost impossible. So pick up the phone and call some friends or family, make sure you see your therapist regularly, get out of the house and try new things and do things everyday that make you feel good about yourself.

Trying to figure out how to organize your life after divorce is a really smart idea. Good for you for doing it!

Those of us who find ourselves newly divorced have entered new, untrodden territory – territory we have no idea how to manage. And, when you are in a situation you don ‘ t know how to manage, getting organized is a great first step to getting it all under control.

So make sure that you know where all of your divorce paperwork is at all times, get your finances in order, figure out where to get help managing the details of your life, make sure you have a calendar and that you use it well and get a support system in place to help you when times get rough.

Being divorced doesn ‘ t have to be the end of the world. In fact, I am here to tell you that 6 years later I am so much happier with myself and my place in the world than I was when I was married.

I do look back at me 6 years ago and wished that I knew how to better navigate that first year after my divorce. If I knew more I might have skipped over some of the growing pains that I experienced out in the new world on my own.

So get yourself organized. Spend the time and money necessary to get it done so that you can go forwards, living your best life, knowing that you have it all (well, most of it at least) under control.

You can do this. I promise.

If you have read this far you must really be struggling with your divorce.

Let me help you, NOW, so that you can start moving forward with your life!

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

5 Ways to Stop Feeling Depressed About Work

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Are you desperate to stop feeling depressed about work?

Do you wake up every day dreading the day ahead?

Is it making you depressed and anxious and starting to make your life a very unhappy place?

If the answer is yes to any of these questions then it ‘ s time to take action. Time to start figuring out how to stop feeling depressed about work.

Let me help!

#1 – Recognize that you do have control over the situation.

There are many things in life that you have absolutely no control over. Your genetics. Your husband ‘ s drinking. Your mother-in-law’s peckishness.

What you do have control over is your own life. And that control involves taking control over your work situation. Taking control of what is making you so depressed and what to do about it.

Knowing that you have control over the situation, that there are things that you can do to bring about change and it ‘ s not totally hopeless, will go a long way towards helping you stop feeling depressed about work.

#2 – Identify what exactly is making you depressed about work.

Okay so what exactly is it that makes you feel depressed about work?

Is it the person whose desk you share in the office? Is it the work hours or the dress code? Is it your boss or the office manager?

Identifying exactly what it is that makes you so depressed at work will help you figure out how to deal with it.

And you are not allowed to say ‘ ˜all of it ‘ because that won ‘ t get you anywhere. All that will do is make you feel overwhelmed and hopeless and you will stay depressed about work for the foreseeable future.

#3 – Make a plan to make change.

Once you have identified what exactly it is about your job that makes you so depressed it ‘ s time to take action.

Is the reason that you are so depressed at work because of the annoying person you are sharing your desk with? If yes, speak up and either try to figure out how to get along with this person or ask your boss to move you.

Is the reason that you are depressed at work because the work hours don ‘ t really work for you? Are you just so not a morning person and do better late afternoon? Would you rather work 4 10 hour days? Would you rather work weekends? If any of these is the case, then speak up! Ask your boss if you can work different hours. And if you can ‘ t, perhaps it ‘ s time to find a job somewhere with more flexibility.

Employers these days make huge efforts to keep their employees happy and productive. If there is something about your job that is making you unhappy speak up! And if your employee won ‘ t be flexible, pack up your toys and seek employment elsewhere.

#4 – Do satisfying work outside of your job.

One reason that we often feel depressed about our job is because we just aren ‘ t satisfied with the work that we do.

Perhaps our job is answering phones or waiting tables and, while they are a means to an end, they don ‘ t make us feel so good about ourselves at the end of the day.

If this is the case, find yourself something to do outside of work that would make you feel good.

What would that be for you? Maybe volunteering somewhere? Or taking a class in something that has always interested you? Perhaps spending more time with an older, or younger, relative, helping them manage their place in the world.

Whatever you choose, if you are stuck in a job that is making you feel depressed and you can ‘ t get out of it right now, make an effort to do things outside of work that make you happy.

Don ‘ t lie around feeling sorry for yourself. Do something!

#5 – Take care of yourself.

One of the things that happens to us when we are feeling depressed about work is that we stop taking care of ourselves.

We tend to eat and drink more, move less and our sleep suffers. Before we know it not only are we depressed about work but also about how we feel physically. The combination of the two can be lethal.

So make a huge effort to take care of yourself if you are feeling depressed about work. Eat well, making sure you are getting lots of fresh fruit and vegies and protein. Drink in moderation. Make sure that your sleep doesn ‘ t suffer. Get outside and breathe some fresh air.

Doing all of these things will keep you physically and mentally strong so that you can deal with all of the things that you need to deal with to handle this job that is bringing you down.

I know that it can be tough to figure out how to stop feeling depressed about work. Many of us feel trapped in our jobs and the prospect of moving on or bringing about change is overwhelming.

But it is possible to have a job about which you don ‘ t feel depressed. You just need to understand what it is about your job that you don ‘ t like and make a plan to bring about change.

In the meantime, don ‘ t neglect your personal life. Your mental and physical fitness are the key to making changes to be happy.

 

How to Organize Your Life And Get Rid Of Clutter At Home And At Work

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Are you looking to organize your life and get rid of clutter both at home and at work?

Do you feel like you are being swallowed by life and mess and that you really need to start making change?

Let me help!

Getting organized and getting rid of clutter requires some attention and determination but, if you are willing to do the work, it will pay off in spades.

To organize your life and get rid of clutter you must:

#1 – Use a calendar.

The number one most important thing as far as how to organize your life for success is to have a calendar. And use it!

So how do you use your calendar for maximum success?

With one of my clients, I suggested that every Sunday night she sit down with her calendar and make a plan for the week. She would write down everything that was non-negotiable for the week, like work, appointments, after school activities etc.

Once she had those things noted, she could see where in her week she might have time to get other things done, things like haircuts, grocery shopping and time at the gym. She noted those things on her calendar as well.

The thing about having a calendar and checking it Sunday night is that you familiarize yourself with what your schedule looks like, big picture, for the week. You also know when you have a specific time on your schedule for things that need to get done – you don ‘ t just try to get them done whenever you have might have time.

#2 – Find a block of time to get start getting rid of clutter.

Getting organized and getting rid of clutter requires some time, dedication and determination. And now that you have your calendar it is time to use it to that end.

Find a block of time on your calendar and mark it as a time to organize your life and get rid of clutter.

Choose a window of at least 2 hours once a week (or more) that you will dedicate to getting rid of stuff in your home or office. That block will be written in red and be non-negotiable.

Once you have determined that block of time, it ‘ s time to identify what exactly it is you are going to work on.

Does your kitchen need cleaning out? Perhaps the kids ‘ playroom? Does paper in your home office, or at work, need to be either recycled or filed away?

It is important that we identify what work we are going to do ahead of time because if we don ‘ t we will get overwhelmed by the magnitude of what needs to get done. If we know that we are only doing a manageable piece of the work, getting started will be that much easier.

So find a block of time, identify where you are going to start and be dogged in your devotion to getting it done.

#3 – Get some help.

There are some of us who are REALLY good at organizing and de-cluttering and there are some of us who have different strengths.

And there are some of us who couldn ‘ t de-clutter if threatened with loss of limb or life.

If you are one of those people, consider investing in someone who can help you get rid of stuff and get organized. People, like me, who know how to de-clutter, can come into your home and get things done in the amount of time it might take for you to get started.

So consider investing in some professional help. If you can ‘ t afford help, find a friend who is a good organizer and barter for her time. Perhaps you can take care of her kids, or bake some cookies or help her finish her work project.

Whatever you need to do, get some help. You will be glad you did!

#4 – Set up some routines.

Once you have managed to instill some order onto your chaos it ‘ s important to set up some routines to help keep everything organized.

For me, some things that work:

  • Sorting through the mail immediately to get rid of envelopes and junk mail. Doing so immediately greatly reduced the amount of papers that were piling up on my counter.
  • Doing the laundry and the grocery shopping on certain days every week. That way I could stay on top of my laundry piles so that they don ‘ t get too big and I could manage the amount of food in your fridge and cupboards so that it didn ‘ t build up and get out of control.
  • Doing the dishes before bed EVERY night. No piles in the sink means no piles on the counter which means reduced mess in the kitchen.
  • Paying the bills on a certain day each week. I keep my bills in one place, arranged by the date they are due, and sit down and pay them every Thursday. That way I know my bills get paid and any paperwork gets filed away immediately.

Those are just a few ideas for establishing routines. Here are some others.

#5 – Notice and appreciate the changes you are making.

This one is SO important and rarely done.

After you have completed cleaning out one area of your house or office, take a moment to look at your newly organized space. Perhaps even take a picture of the before and after.

Noticing and appreciating how good your space looks makes you realize how good it feels to get organized and de-clutter. And that knowledge and awareness is all the motivation that you will need to get organized.

I remember, when my kids were little, I used to keep the dining room perfectly clean, everything in order. That way, whenever I walked by the dining room, I could pause in the doorway and experience, even for a moment, a clean, organized and de-cluttered space.

It filled me with calm every time.

So, when you are done with a task, stop, if only for a moment, and appreciate a job well done.

Good for you for looking to organize your life and get rid of clutter at home and at work.

Using this list is an excellent starting place for making your life, home and office all that you want it to be.

Get yourself a calendar and set it up. Use that calendar to block off some time when you can start throwing things away and putting things in their place. Get some help if you need it.

Once you have done that, set up some routines and always stop and appreciate the work that you have done.

Being organized and clutter free is a huge part of living your life to the fullest, to being all that you can be!

The 6 Things You MUST Know About Career Planning For Success

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When you are doing some career planning for success there are some very important things to take into consideration.

While it is tempting to just jump into the first job that comes along, if you want to have a job that will turn into a career, a career that not only makes you happy but is also lucrative and satisfying, then some planning is necessary.

What kind of things? Let me tell you!

#1 – Take it one step at a time ‘ ¦

The most important piece of advice that I give to my career-seeking clients is, when career planning, to start at the beginning.

So many of my clients know that they want to jump to another job but then start thinking that they could never find what they want. And if they do find what they want their resume won ‘ t be ready, and even if they get their resume ready they won ‘ t be qualified, and if they do get the job they are going to hate their work hours, and on and on.

Get it?

So, when you are embarking on a search for a career, start at the beginning. If you find yourself jumping to that place that you are going to hate your new work hours then you are never going to get your career planning started. You will falter before you even take the first step.

So take that first step. Make yourself a resume. A resume is an essential tool for getting your career started. Really, without one, it ‘ s almost impossible. If you can ‘ t do it yourself, seek examples from the internet or hire someone to help you build one that is professional and profiles you at your best.

#2 – ‘ ¦but think long term.

While it essential to start at the beginning of your career planning, it is also very important that you think long term.

Many of us just take the first job that is offered to us and by doing so trap ourselves on a career path that we can never get off.

It is essential, when career planning for success, to try to glimpse ahead to the future-you and visualize what in that future you would like to be doing.

Does the future-you want to be working 24/7, wearing designer clothing and jet setting all over the world? Or does the future you want to be working in your neighborhood, changing lives and making a modest living?

Spend some time thinking about who you want to be in 10, 20, maybe even 30 years. Once you get familiar with that person it will help direct your career planning.

#3 – Know what you are interested in and what your talents are.

Once you have your resume ready and you have some sense of where you want to be in 10 years, it ‘ s time to start taking a good look at identifying what kind of career you are most suited for.

There are two sides to finding what kind of career might suit you.

The first is to identify what really makes you excited in the world. What is the kind of thing that gets you out of bed in the morning? Identifying what really excites you is a good place to start as far as figuring out what kind of career you might want to pursue.

The second is to identify what your skills are. This is an important piece because while you might LOVE to be professional basketball player you might not have the skills to do that. But maybe you do have excellent organizational skills so you could work for a professional team or somewhere in the team ‘ s organization.

If you don ‘ t have a clear idea of what your passion is, or what you are good at, then taking some personal assessments can be a good idea.

These assessments will help you to identify your strengths and weaknesses and clarify things that you might find passion for.

There are plenty of great assessments out there. Google ‘career self assessments’ and find one that works for you!

#4 – You don ‘ t have to check all the boxes.

Once you have a sense of who you are and what you want and where you want to be in 10 years AND you have a great resume then it ‘ s time to start applying for jobs.

Apply for jobs and apply for jobs. Getting as many resumes out there as you can is the best way to get an interview.

And just so you know, when you apply for jobs, you don ‘ t have to check all the boxes – you don ‘ t have be every single thing and have every single qualification that is listed in the job posting.

One big difference between men and women in the career world is that men have no problems applying for jobs for which they aren ‘ t 100% qualified. They know that if they can just get in the door they can convince a prospective employer that they are the guy for the job.

Women don ‘ t do this. Women believe that in order to be qualified for a job they must fit every criteria listed and this just isn ‘ t true. You might not have every skill that is listed but you do have others that might be even better or something the HR person didn’t even know they needed

So shoot for the stars. Apply for jobs that are within reach, and even just a little beyond, even if your skills and experience don ‘ t match up exactly with what they are looking for.

I mean, you don ‘ t want that guy to get YOUR job, right?

#5 – Get the word out there.

There is no better resource for job opportunities then with people who already know you.

In this digital world that we live in, it’s tempting to do all of your career planning and job applying online. Linked In and Facebook are great but there truly is no better way to get the career of your dreams then by using your personal connections.

Once you have decided what career path to take then it’s time to brainstorm about who you know who might be able to help you with inroads to a great company. When you have some names, call them or send them an email and ask if they might have some time to talk.

When you meet, be prepared with questions to ask. How did you get started in the business? Where do you see the business going in the next few years? Do you have any advice for me as far as getting started?

Questions that indicate you are interested and knowledgeable. And hirable.

So brainstorm about who you know and get yourself out there. You will be happy you did!

#6 – Know yourself.

More than anything, the key to career planning for success is knowing yourself.

As you embark on the job search you are going to have influences from all over. Your father is going to be sure that you need to be a lawyer. Your mother is going to want you to not stray too far from home. Your friend is going to tell you that you HAVE to work for Saks and your boyfriend will want you to start that small business with him.

All of those things are FINE but make sure that any decisions you make are right for YOU. Making career decisions based on what other people want is not good career planning for success. In fact, you might be setting yourself up to fail.

Career planning for success is an essential part of living the life of your dreams.

For many of us, our work will be a significant part of our lives for 50 years and we want to make sure that we spend as much of that 50 years as we can doing what we love.

So, before your start your job search, take inventory. What are your passions and what are you good at? What kind of skills can you bring to a job that might not necessarily be in the job description? Are the decisions that you are making your own?

And don ‘ t get ahead of yourself. Start at the beginning with the end goal in mind.

You can do this. Get that resume done and get it out into the world.

Good luck!

THIS Is What Healthy Relationships Are Based On (And 5 Reasons Why)

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Are you wondering what healthy relationships are based on?

It ‘ s a very important question because how can you have a healthy relationship if you don ‘ t know what makes a good one?

So what is the answer? Are healthy relationships based sex? Or money? Or quality time? Or paying attention?

All of those things are important in healthy relationships but the most important part of a healthy relationship? COMMUNICATION.

Ok, so now that that ‘ s out there, do you wonder why communication is what healthy relationships are based on?

Let me tell you!

#1 – Good communication means honesty.

How can any relationship, be it romantic, work or familial, be healthy without honesty?

It is essential that in our lives we are honest with each other about how we are feeling, what we are thinking and seeing and experiencing.

Hiding our truths from others opens us up for relationship failure.

I have a client who doesn ‘ t trust her husband. A long time ago he cheated on her and, while she has forgiven him, she still doesn ‘ t trust him. She worries every day that she can ‘ t trust anything that he says. She worries that someday she will wake up and find that her life is a lie.

I asked my client why she couldn ‘ t tell her husband what she told me. She said that she just didn ‘ t feel safe doing so. And because she can ‘ t be honest with him she lives in this constant state of distrust and anger with her husband.

So be honest with your partner. Get your feelings out there so they can be heard and dealt with.

#2 – Good communication means trust.

If we are able to communicate with people we are in a relationship with, to tell them what our truths are, how we are feeling, what we want and need, then our partners can trust us.

If your partner knows that he can count on you to tell him when you are upset, to tell him when you need him to hold you close or leave you alone, to tell you what you want for your birthday, then your partner will trust in you. And you can trust in him.

Trust is the cornerstone of every healthy relationship.

Imagine if my client, who did not divorce her husband after the affair, had been able to tell her husband whenever she felt that distrust for him. If she had told him each time it occurred they could have talked it through.

Perhaps he could have learned what he needed to do to allow his wife to feel trust and perhaps she might have heard that her distrust was unfounded and that she need not fear.

Instead, they live in a parallel universe where she doesn ‘ t feel safe telling him how she feels and he has no freaking idea what to do so he just keeps his head down and works.

#3 – Good communication means things won ‘ t be put away to fester.

So tell me what happens when your husband does something to upset you and you don ‘ t tell him about it.

Perhaps he had promised you that he would choose the new doors for the house project this weekend. And then he didn ‘ t.

And what did you do? Did you make some passive aggressive remark about whatever it was that he did instead of choosing the doors and storm out of the kitchen?

Was that last year and do you still think about it?

Imagine if instead you had been able to explain to your husband how angry you were that he didn ‘ t get the doors. That you had been counting on having the doors so that you could choose the trim color the next day.

Perhaps you could have listened to his reason for not choosing the doors and perhaps you might have understood the reason and let it go. Or perhaps you could have hated the reason and expressed your anger about that.

Either way, you would have shared your emotions with your partner instead of stuffing them down deep where they festered.

#4 – Good communication means things can change and evolve.

When there is no communication between partners things can ‘ t ever change.

If you and your partner can ‘ t be honest each other with how you are feeling or how things are going or how things need to be done differently then you will forever be in place of stasis. A place where nothing changes.

Imagine if, in the situation above, my client had been able to express her emotions about the fact that her partner didn ‘ t get the doors. Her husband might have been put off by her anger and frustration in the moment but chances are he would have heard how his actions made her feel and he might have tried to not do it again.

On the other hand, because he didn ‘ t know how she felt, because she wasn ‘ t clear with him, he was doomed to repeat the events of the day over and over.

#5 – Good communication means a great sex life.

Here is where good communication skills really become a plus.

Sex is fun and a really important part of a healthy relationship.

If you and you are partner are able to communicate with each other about your sex life because you both feel safe that you can trust each other and be honest with each other, then your sex life will only get better.

And communicating about our sex lives has two sides: it ‘ s important that you share what is good AND what is not so good.

For example, if there is something that your husband does that you really, really like, TELL HIM. And, if there is something that he could do differently, TELL HIM.

Many of us think that we shouldn ‘ t talk about our sex lives because we will make the other person uncomfortable or feel bad.

But let me ask you this: would your partner feel worse if you told him to do something a little bit more to the left or if you refused to have sex with him anymore? I am guessing the first.

So communicate with your partner about what works and what doesn ‘ t work.

I promise you it will only make your relationship stronger.

Communication is what healthy relationships are based on.

Being able to share with your partner how you are feeling, what you need, what you are seeking to understand and what is making you scared is essential to maintaining trust, preventing fester and promoting evolution.

Being honest can at times be scary, especially if it involves hurt feelings or anger, but without it, and the good communication skills that are a part of it, your relationship will flounder.

And you don ‘ t want it to flounder. You want a healthy relationship.

So SPEAK UP! You will be glad you did.

 

5 Tips For Finding Your Motivation When Feeling Depressed

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Do you have trouble finding motivation when feeling depressed?

If the answer is YES, rest assured that you are not alone. Those of us who get depressed really struggle with being productive when we are feeling blue.

Even worse, not being motivated to do anything when we feel down can only make the depression worse.

Luckily there are ways to find motivation when feeling depressed.

#1 – Get out of bed

This might seem fairly obvious but, for many people, the act of simply getting out of bed when they are depressed is impossible.

The inclination to stay under the covers, in the dark, away from the stimulation of the world is almost irresistible when you are depressed. Bed is comfy and cozy and not going to judge you in any way for how you are feeling.

If you are trapped in your bed, GET OUT OF IT!

People I know who are depressed go to great lengths to stay out of bed when they are depressed.

I have known people to take their mattress off the box spring and lean it against the wall. Some people pile their mattress with books. Others strip the bed of the sheets.

Whatever it takes to keep them out of bed when they are depressed.

Because, out of bed, it is WAY easier to get motivated.

#2 – Exercise

The best way to find motivation, whether you are depressed or not, is to get out of the house and exercise.

The act of exercising produces endorphins which will not only lighten your mood but will give you the energy that you need to get off your butt and get some stuff done.

If you add the outdoors to the mix, by taking a walk or riding a bike, you will only compound the positive effects of the exercise. There is nothing like some fresh air and sunshine to give you the energy to take on the world.

Have you ever felt like you could take on the world after a good brisk walk in the park? Can ‘ t you remember that feeling like it was yesterday?

Do it NOW!

#3 – Spend time with people who make you laugh.

When we are depressed we tend to isolate ourselves. The prospect of getting out of bed and actually interacting with people is too much for us to bear.

This is just exactly the opposite of what we should be doing.

Picture this. You can spend the rest of the day in bed, covers pulled up over your ears, mulling about how horrible the world is and how you are never going to do anything ever again. OR you can invite some friends over and laze around on the couch, laughing about whatever it is that you laugh about with them.

Which one feels better? Which one might lead to you leaving the house and going to a movie?

You tell me.

#4 – Have sex.

When people are depressed they often have absolutely no interest in having sex of any kind. But let me tell you: you should try it!

Having sex when you are depressed produces, like exercise, endorphins that make you feel better and give you more energy.

Even better, having an orgasm gives you a shot of dopamine, the effects of which can last between 5-7 hours. Imagine what you can get done in 5-7 hours.

And best of all, spending some time naked with another person is way better than lying in bed by yourself because being closely connected with someone makes you feel GREAT and if you feel great, even for just a bit, you are more likely to get out into the world.

#5 – Do one small thing.

When we are depressed the idea of getting anything done at all is completely overwhelming. And so what do we do? Nothing. And then how do we feel? Worse.

I am suggesting that, once you get out of bed and get some exercise, you considering doing just one thing. Anything. Because doing just one thing can often lead to doing another.

Choose something that you really like to do. When I am depressed, I love to go through my inbox and throw shit away. Getting organized feels good. What I hate to do when I am depressed is make phone calls. Talking to people on the phone in that state of mind is not a good idea.

So choose one thing that you like to do, in or out of the house. And do it.

Go make coffee. Take the dog for a walk. Make your bed. Even if it doesn ‘ t lead to doing another thing at least you got one thing done!

Finding your motivation when feeling depressed is very difficult. But it is an important thing to try to do.

When we are depressed the world goes on without us. We stay at home, isolated, in pain and feeling hopeless. And while finding motivation might not fix our depression, it certainly will help us to manage it and not let it get the best of us.

So get out of your bed (unless you are having sex in it), get some exercise, spend time with friends and get one thing done.

Reconnect with the world. You will be glad that you did.

6 Steps To Move From Overwhelmed To Calm

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You know those days when you feel like you will never be able to get from overwhelmed to calm?

Those days when everyone and everything is demanding so much from you that you really don ‘ t think that you can take it anymore. Those days where it feels like your head is going to explode.

Let me help you get from overwhelmed to calm. It is possible. It just takes some awareness and action.

#1 – Take deep breaths.

When we are stressed out, the first thing that we do is we stop breathing. Well, not literally stop breathing, because then we would die. But we do unconsciously hold our breath because of increased tension in the muscles used for breathing.

So when you are feeling overwhelmed remember to breathe. Deep breaths into your belly in for 3 seconds and out for 3 seconds. Put your hand over your belly so that you can feel it filling up with air. Do these over and over until you feel a little calmer. Repeat throughout the day as necessary.

It will help you A LOT. I promise.

#2 – Go for a walk.

If it ‘ s at all possible, take some time to go for a walk. There isn ‘ t a woman I know who doesn’t say that her stress levels are always greatly reduced after a walk.

The thing about walking is that it kills two bird with one stone.

Walking encourages deep breathing which calms you down quickly.Also, for some reason, the motion of walking encourages clearer thinking. The rhythm of the stride and the increased oxygen intake can make something that was extremely overwhelming just 20 minutes earlier much easier to manage.

#3 – Identify what is causing the overwhelm.

One of the biggest blockages to getting from overwhelmed to calm is not understanding what is specifically overwhelming you.

A client of mine was SO overwhelmed with her life. She found that she had no energy to get anything done, she yelled a lot at her kids and she could barely stand being with her husband.

She figured that she was just too stressed out by her day to day living and she came to me to help her get more organized.

We talked for a bit and I come to learn that they have 3 new dogs in the house. 3 new dogs. And they were, you guessed it, causing the overwhelm, not her lack of organization.

Once we knew what the cause was we were able to find a solution.

#4 – Share your stress.

Sharing your stress with another person is a key part of dealing with it.

They say that what is kept inside the head is 4x more intense than what is spoken. Also, if you share your overwhelm you might learn something that will help you manage it. We all have things that work for us and sharing them with others can be very helpful.

If you have someone you can talk with about your overwhelm then absolutely do it. Be it a therapist, a friend or a partner, let those overwhelming thoughts out of your head and into the world.

From there they have a reduced power and are easier to deal with.

#5 – Make a plan.

Once you have pinpointed the cause of the overwhelm it is time to make a plan. Without a plan the overwhelm usually doesn ‘ t just disappear. In fact, it often gets worse.

For my client with the dogs, the plan involved crating up the dogs during the dinnertime and also again at bedtime. Not having the dogs bouncing around, distracting the kids and getting into trouble my client was able to focus on the work at hand and not let it stress her out.

No more yelling at her kids. Phew.

#6 – Follow through.

The most important part of making a plan is following through. Even the best made plans don ‘ t work if you don ‘ t follow through.

I have a client who is constantly overwhelmed by her life. She can ‘ t keep her apartment clean, has a difficult time keeping appointments, struggles to do things that involve any planning and who would rather just stay in bed all day.

We made a plan for her to hire someone to clean her apartment once a week and to spend 10 minutes a day neatening up. She was so excited about the plan. And then she didn ‘ t do it. And her apartment stayed a mess. And she continued to be overwhelmed. And even more overwhelmed because she had let herself down by not doing it.

So make sure that you follow through on your plans to deal with your overwhelm. If you don ‘ t your overwhelm could actually truly overwhelm you and that will not be fun.

If you want to get from overwhelmed to calm it is possible and it is possible to do so quickly.

Next time you are feeling overwhelmed get outside and go for a walk, even if it ‘ s just for 20 minutes. Breathe deeply as you stride. You will see that your overwhelm reduces significantly right away.

As you walk, consider what is overwhelming you and make a plan to fix it. If you have someone to help you figure it out even better. And then make it happen.

Manage your overwhelm. Don ‘ t let it manage you.

5 Tips For Having Both Career Success And Happiness

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When we were young girls we were told that we could have it all – a husband, kids, career success and happiness. And we really believed that to be true.

And, while it can be hard work, it is possible to have it all.

Career success and happiness can go hand in hand. Here is how ‘ ¦

#1 – Don ‘ t settle for a career you don ‘ t love.

Unless your career is something that is just a means to an end and isn ‘ t an important part of your self-worth there is NO WAY that you will find happiness in your life if you aren ‘ t happy in your career.

If your career is important to your self worth then it ‘ s essential that you don ‘ t settle for a career that you don ‘ t love.

Many of us start out in a job, any job, just so we can start to earn money. And many of us get trapped in that job, whether we like it or not, because the money is good or the prospect of going out and getting a new job is too daunting.

If you find yourself in that spot, in a career that you don ‘ t love and that is causing your unhappiness, move heaven and earth to get out of that job and find one that you love.

Today, right now, think about what kind of career you would like to have if you were in charge of the world. Just think about it. And when you know GO FOR IT. (Let me know if I can help!)

#2 – Don ‘ t neglect yourself.

Are you one of those people who works so hard at your career that you have stopped taking care of yourself?

Do you tell yourself that the lack of sleep or the weight gain or the hair loss (from stress) is a small price to pay for career success?

If this is you, I am guessing that your happiness level is pretty low, even if your career is going strong. Because you simply can ‘ t be happy in your life if you aren ‘ t taking care of yourself. You might think you are happy. But are you really?

So take the time to take care of yourself and work hard. Get some sleep, eat well, indulge yourself when you can. Taking care of you will ensure you a lot of happiness. I promise.

#3 – Don ‘ t stop learning, both in your life and your career.

Many of us, as we settle into the grown up life of parent, spouse and career person, stop learning. We figured that we paid our dues in high school and college and that is that. No more learning required.

I would argue that learning is essential for growth and happiness and they say it keeps your brain young.

I am not saying that you need to go back to school full time but do make an effort to learn something new every day.

Are you given a project at work that you know nothing about? Dive in! Are you wondering just what is all this hype about apple cider vinegar? Get online and find out. Wondering what you can do to learn some marketing tools so that you can get that promotion? Take a seminar. Hoping for some guidance on love and relationships? Check out the 5 Love Languages.

My point is is that every day there is an opportunity to learn something new. Grab that opportunity. Use your brain. It will get you far.

#4 – Don ‘ t lose touch with friends and family.

Are you the one who is always missing the family event because of work? Are you the one whose friends don ‘ t invite you out for happy hour because they know that you will say no?

If you are this person I am going to plead with you to STOP.

Very old people say that at the end of their life they don ‘ t wish that they had stayed for that one important meeting or that they could have climbed just a little higher on that corporate ladder. At the end of their lives, old people regret the times that they missed with loved ones, precious lost time that they can never get back.

So if you want career success and happiness work hard but not too hard. Your loved ones need you, and you need them for when the going gets rough.

#5 – Don ‘ t prioritize your career over love.

This is one that I wish I would say over and over and over. I will say it one more time.

Don ‘ t prioritize your career over love.

One career is incredibly important both for personal and financial reasons. But if you put it before your love then you will be setting yourself up for neither career success or happiness.

I have a client whose husband worked all the time, who was never home for dinner and who always missed dates with her. She tried to get him to let go of work a bit and be with her but his career was too important to him.

So she left him. And what happened next? He was alone, living in a small apartment. He had his kids every other week and that was stressful because he had to manage them and work. He didn ‘ t have someone to come home to and support him. Everything suffered.

In the end, my client ‘ s ex lost a promotion because of the chaos that was his life after his divorce.

On top of that, my client ‘ s ex was lonely and sad and left wondering what he had done with this life.

So look up right now at the one you love and decide to make them a priority going forward.

Career success and happiness can definitely go hand in hand.

The key is making sure that you are doing work that you love, that you take care of yourself and that your priorities are on straight.

I love coaching more than any other career that I have had and it has brought me much personal happiness. But I know that I wouldn ‘ t have that happiness without my health, the man sitting beside me and the kids on their way over for dinner.

So go for it. You can have it all too!

6 Healthy Relationship Do’s And Don’ts That Can Make Or Break Yours

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As far as lists go, healthy relationship do ‘ s and don ‘ ts are one of the most important because healthy relationships, and the love that is a part of them, make the world go round.

For every ‘ do ‘ there is a ‘ don ‘ t ‘ associated with it. Understanding the difference between the two is a key part of really knowing how to be in a healthy relationship, one that is full of love and romance and respect and, well, all of it!

#1 – Do: Express your feelings.

Expressing your feelings in a relationship is very important. Many of my clients say I don ‘ t have to tell him that I love him. He knows. Yes, he might know but that doesn ‘ t mean you can ‘ t tell him.

Furthermore, if you are angry or sad or lonely because of something that your partner did, tell him. He needs to know how he made you feel so he can learn what you need from him and you need to express your feelings so they don ‘ t get trapped in your body. Feelings that get trapped in your body are toxic.

Don ‘ t: Be passive aggressive.

It is very important that you express your feelings but it is VERY important that you not be passive aggressive in how you express them.

Passive aggressiveness is a tendency to engage in indirect expression of hostility through acts such as subtle insults, sullen behavior, stubbornness, or a deliberate failure to accomplish required tasks.

If your partner did something to upset you it ‘ s not okay to given him the silent treatment, to sulk, to do to him what he did to you, or act in any way that isn ‘ t straightforward about how you are thinking.

If your husband is always home late for work tell him how upset you are. Don ‘ t ignore him when he gets home and then tell him that you don ‘ t want him home anyway and that he might as well just stay at work forever. This will only make matters worse and will never get you what you really want – that he come home at night for dinner.

#2 – Do: Be understanding.

People are human. And sometimes they make mistakes. And if they do it ‘ s okay. They are human.

If your husband promised you that he would put up the curtain rods on a rainy Saturday afternoon and if, by the end of the day, that didn ‘ t happen, it ‘ s okay to be upset. But it ‘ s essential that you talk to him about it and understand why it didn ‘ t happen.

Yes, perhaps he just chose to watch football with your son instead or maybe he just forgot. Either way, he is only human. Express your disappointment that the job wasn ‘ t done but forgive him and try again on Sunday.

Don ‘ t: Take things personally.

If your husband promised you that he would put up the curtain rods on a rainy Saturday afternoon and if, by the end of the day, that didn ‘ t happen, don ‘ t take it personally.

Don ‘ t think If he loved me he would have put up the curtain rods. That simply isn ‘ t true. He didn ‘ t put up the curtain rods for a variety of reasons but none of them was because he didn ‘ t love you.

#3 – Do: Be honest.

An essential part of being in a healthy relationship is honesty. Truly, a healthy relationship cannot exist if partners aren ‘ t honest with each other.

If something has happened or you are feeling some way, it is essential that you let your partner know so that you can process it together. Sharing everything is a big part of maintaining a healthy, intimate relationship.

Don ‘ t: Keep secrets.

Keeping secrets will kill a relationship. Period.

Even those little pesky secrets, the ones that you keep because you want to ‘ ˜protect your loved one, ‘ are insidious and destructive and will only cause trouble.

Don ‘ t keep secrets. They always get out and when they do the harm that they cause is often worse than the secret itself.

#4 – Do: Maintain a healthy sex life.

A healthy sex life is an essential part of every relationship. The only person in the world that you are having sex with is your partner and that should be treated as the very special thing that it is. Make sex a regular and enjoyable part of your relationship.

Don ‘ t: Pretend that the sex is okay when it isn ‘ t.

If the sex you are having with your partner isn ‘ t okay then let your partner know. I can guarantee you that your partner would rather know the truth and be able to do what he can to make the sex more enjoyable than to find out that you have just been pretending all along.

Once again, be honest!

#5 – Do: Appreciate each other.

You have a partner who you have chosen for a variety of reasons. He is handsome or smart or kind or practical or handy. For whatever reason you chose him to be yours.

Now that he is yours, appreciate everything that you have. If your man fixes your cabinets for you without asking, or helps your neighbor solve that tax problem or looks just so in his new green sweater, TELL HIM!

You know how good it feels when he tells you.

Don ‘ t: Take each other for granted.

Unfortunately, often times once we settle down into a long-term relationship we start to take each other for granted. The things that we fell in love with them for are things that we just assume will always be there, not matter what we do.

I know that when I was married I just assumed my husband would always be there, no matter how I treated him, which wasn ‘ t always very well. And guess what. He left me!

So don ‘ t take your guy for granted. If you love him make him feel that way. Every day.

#6 – Do: Laugh with each other.

Laughing is an essential part of every healthy relationship. Remember when you first fell in love, the hours you spent together, sharing and laughing. And didn ‘ t if feel good?

It is so important that the laughter continue. Make sure you spend time together doing what you both love, enjoying each other ‘ s company and laughing.

Don ‘ t: Laugh at each other.

One of the things that happen when couples are together for a long time is that they aren ‘ t always kind to each other. Those things that bug us about our partner often are revealed in unkind ways.

Do you ever find yourself laughing at your partner because he is letting people take advantage of him again? Or sarcastically commenting on how well his shirt and tie match? Do you talk to your friends about the stupid things that he does?

If you do any of these things, stop. If you have issues with your husband or if he does something that bothers you, tell him, don ‘ t laugh at him. Because that kind of laughter just isn ‘ t funny.

Being in a healthy relationship can be really amazing but it can also be a lot of hard work. It is very important that you follow my healthy relationship do ‘ s and don ‘ ts to keep yours going strong.

It is important that you are always honest with your partner, in a kind way, that you don ‘ t take things personally and that you don ‘ t keep secrets. It is also key that you have a sex life that pleases you both, that you love and appreciate each and that laughter is a priority.

If you are reading this, I am guessing that you have a healthy relationship that youwant to keep healthy. You CAN do it. Start today.

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