6 Ways to Make a Schedule and KEEP TO IT

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I have a client who is a teacher and she desperately needs to get on a schedule so that when school starts again she can be more efficient with her life. So that she can teach and continue to stay on top of the things that are important to her.

My client has tried and failed to do this in the past. This year she has me and this year it ‘ s going to happen and it ‘ s going to stick.

#1 – Know what you want to have on your schedule.

This is very important. In order to make a schedule you need to know what it is that you want on it. If you just go into making a schedule with what comes off the top of your head you are likely to miss something and that will take away from the efficacy of your work.

There will be two categories of what you want on your schedule. Things that happen every day and then space for things that will suddenly need to be done, like meetings or doctor appointments.

For my client there weren ‘ t that many items but the ones that she had were important. They included taking her meds (which she often forgot to do), eating breakfast, exercising, keeping her bedroom straight, going to bed by 11 and specifying hours that would be used for schoolwork.

Easy enough, no?

#2 – Write it down.

Writing something down, anything down, everything down, is the best way to insure that you will remember it. So once you have your list it ‘ s time to rough out your schedule and write it down.

It is essential that you use a format for your schedule that is both effective for YOU and something that you will remember to LOOK at.

Many people feel like you have to have a fancy calendar, either paper or electronic, on which to record your schedule. They feel like if it ‘ s fancy they are more likely to use it. And this might be so. But it also might not be.

Remember those chore lists you had a child? With the days of the week written down and what had to be done each day? They often were in different colors and involved stars for rewards? And remember how well they worked? I mean who didn ‘ t want a gold star?

I am not saying that you need to use that format but choose a format that will work for you. It can be a calendar or a notebook or a white board. Whatever works best!

One thing I do not recommend is using a loose piece of paper. Why? For two reasons. The first because it is likely to get lost and the second because you won ‘ t remember to look at it.

Whatever format you choose you need to remember to LOOK AT it. If you don ‘ t look at your schedule you won ‘ t be able to pull off sticking to it.

#3 – Keep it simple.

The most important thing about keeping a schedule is to make it as simple as possible. Don ‘ t have too many steps. Too many steps can cause schedule derailment every time.

My client wanted to figure out how she could take her meds efficiently and every day. She has ADD and it is essential that she take her meds so that she can function.

One of the ideas was for her to put her daily dose in a jar and carry them down to the kitchen and have them with her breakfast. I suggested that perhaps she keep them by her bed and take them as soon as she wakes up and then head down for breakfast. That way she won ‘ t forget and after she eats and then exercises the meds will have kicked in and this will help her to get out the door more effectively.

Taking that one step out of her schedule, the transportation of the meds from the bedroom to the kitchen, and taking them right away instead of later, makes the whole piece more efficient and more effective and easier to stick to because she can see the results.

#4 – Make sure that you allow enough time for each task.

It is very important when making a schedule to make sure that you don ‘ t overbook your day. If you allow only 30 minutes to get up, make coffee, shower and exercise then you are just setting yourself up for failure.

As you make your schedule take a careful look at how long you really need to do something and then add an extra 30 minutes, in case you run late and for transition time to the next item.

Also, make sure that you leave some blank space every day to write in new things that need to be done, like haircuts and play-dates.

One of the top reasons for people to not stick to a schedule is because they just can ‘ t get stuff done because they have not allowed enough time. They get defeated and give up!

And we don ‘ t want you to give up. So plan accordingly.

#5 – Do it for 30 days.

They say that once you do something for 30 days it will become a habit. And it really works. I have had a lot of success with my clients as far as changing their habits over the course of 30 days.

So start with day one. And commit to doing it for 30 days. You can do anything for 30 days.

#6 – If you skip a day don ‘ t give up.

You know how when you are on a diet and you have one night where that tub of Ben and Jerry ‘ s just calls out to you and you can’t resist? What usually happens the next day? You give up on your diet, right?

The same happens when we get off of our schedules. We see ourselves as failures for not completing our task and we give up. Don ‘ t do it! We are all only human and life gets in the way sometime.

Keep on plugging. Move whatever you didn ‘ t get done to another day and start again. Remember, you are only doing this for 30 days and you can do anything for 30 days.

Today is a great days to start implementing ways to make a schedule and keep to it!

Find a comfy seat, bring a notepad and write down everything that you want to include in your schedule. Of course things will get added and subtracted but if you can create a baseline schedule around which everything works you will be golden.

Looking for more ways to make a schedule and stick to it? Contact me here and I can help!

5 Things I Learned Today When I Spoke Up For Myself

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My kids spent this weekend in Maine with my ex-husband. Again. Second weekend in a row. Another one next week.

These weekends are very hard for me because my kids are part of a Brady Bunch family: two parents and their kids combined to make a new family. My children have a new family that doesn ‘ t include me. And it sucks.

All weekend I had been looking forward to spending today with my daughter. Yesterday she informed me that because they hadn ‘ t made bus reservations they wouldn ‘ t be back to NYC in time for our date. Our plans for today were shot.

I was furious. I wanted to scream and yell. But I didn ‘ t.

Here is the story of what I did instead.

#1 – I learned what was really upsetting me.

When I found out that my kids weren ‘ t going to be home when they said they would be I flew off the handle. All I could think about was the incompetency of my ex – how if he had planned ahead with bus reservations this wouldn ‘ t have happened. How unfair it was that he left me and that he lured the kids up to his house with alcohol and shotguns.

And then I thought about how my kids took me for granted and that I gave so much to them and that they gave me very little back. They didn ‘ t respect how upset the whole thing made me. If they did they would behave differently, my angry mind told me.

And then, because I couldn ‘ t reach anybody on the phone to yell at, I was forced to calm down. And when I calmed down it all became clearer.

Yes, I was frustrated at the lack of planning but that is nothing new and nothing that I could change. What I was really upset about was the fact that I wouldn ‘ t be spending the day with my daughter. I so enjoy the time we spend together and I wouldn ‘ t get it. (It didn ‘ t help that she would be with her father instead of me but that is for another blog).

I also realized that, to a certain extent, I felt like my kids really did take me for granted. I felt like I was always available for them and that they were rarely available for me.

Both of things were making me sad. It manifested itself as anger but I was sad.

#2 – I learned what I really wanted.

I asked myself next what I would want if I was in charge of the world?

I know I would like to make my ex and my kids better planners but I knew from experience that that wasn ‘ t likely to change. And I also know that I can only change my reactions to their behaviors because I can ‘ t change them.

So what did I want that I could have?

I know that I want to spend more time with my kids and I wanted to not feel taken for granted. I wanted them to make a little bit more of an effort to respond to my texts, to show a little more respect for my presence in their lives. And to spend time with me when possible.

Not too much to ask, no?

#3 – I learned how to share what I wanted in a non-critical way.

Okay, so now that I knew what I wanted I had to figure out how to talk to my kids without appearing critical or making them defensive. I knew that they weren ‘ t making me feel this way on purpose and I really just wanted to let them know how their actions were affecting me.

To do this I talked to them about how I was feeling. I told them that I felt like I was being supportive about the time they spent with their father (and they agreed) and that I felt sad when their lack of planning with their father interfered with the limited time I spent with them.

I told them that I knew I couldn ‘ t compete with the amusement park that was their dad ‘ s house but that I just wanted them to make a little more effort with me. And made clear to them that a little more effort was as simple as returning my texts. And maybe spending some time with me when possible.

And that was it.

#4 – I learned how to ensure that the message landed.

After I shared with them how I felt I encouraged them to respond to anything I had said. That they could push back in any way and I was open to talking about it all. They did both speak up but only to say that they understood exactly where I was coming from. That they were still trying to navigate the new world their parents divorce had put them in and that they would try to make a better effort in the future.

They did have a few excuses, as kids would have, and I let them speak them and pushed back enough for them to understand that excuses didn ‘ t make it better. They got it.

After lunch I thanked my kids for listening to me. My son said ‘ Not only did we listen to you but we heard you. ‘ And then I got hugs.

#5 – I learned that speaking up for myself felt really, really good.

I walked away from the whole situation feeling on top of the world. Instead of railing on my ex-husband and my kids for their lack of planning, I was able to turn this painful occurrence into a vehicle for change. The situation was not a new one to me and I had been biting my tongue about it all for a while. I finally stopped doing so.

And because I stopped doing so it is possible that something that has been causing me a lot of pain for a long time might be resolved.

How amazing is that?

So many of us, myself included, have a hard time speaking up for and advocating for ourselves. A big part of that is because we don ‘ t know exactly what it is that we want and without that knowledge it ‘ s hard to ask for it.

Follow my steps. Figure out what exactly it is you want and ask for it. Ask for it in a way that ‘ s not critical but that speaks to how you feel. You might be surprised at how much people want to give you what you want and will if they know what exactly it is.

Try it. You might feel like I do this glorious afternoon. Amazing.

If you gotthefar it must mean that you have something to say?
Let me help, NOW, before you go silent for good.
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

 

8 Ways To Show Someone You Love Them Truly

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How important is it to show someone you love them? Very!

Are you in love? Isn ‘ t it wonderful? Every day you share with your person is a new and wonderful day. You hope that you feel like this forever.

Unfortunately, you won ‘ t. That early, heady love is amazing, but it ‘ s not sustainable. Doctors say that if people felt forever the way they do in the first six months of a relationship, it would actually kill them. Too many endorphins can damage the heart. Ironic no?

Fortunately, the next phase of love, the settling in for the long game, can be a wonderful thing too if you do it right.

So, How Do You Show Someone You Love Them Truly?

# 1- Love them as they want to be loved.

I truly believe that one of the best tools in a successful relationship is Gary Chapman ‘ s 5 Love Languages. Go to Amazon right now and download it onto your Kindle.

The premise behind his book is that there are five love languages, five ways that people express and receive love.

The languages are Quality Time, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service and Giving of Gifts.

For each person one of those things is the thing that makes them feel the most loved when they are done unto them. When a partner tries to love them using a different love language, they don ‘ t feel loved.

My love language is Quality Time – I feel loved when someone is truly present with me, listening to me, and focusing on me. My ex-husbands ‘ love language was Physical Touch – he felt love when I was holding his hand, hugging him or, yep, that too.

Unfortunately, the language that we spoke best with each other was Acts of Service – we did things for each other, like changing the oil in the car or going to the grocery store. Stuff got done but neither of us felt loved.

Check out the 5 Love Languages at www.5lovelanguages.com. There you will find a short quiz that you and your partner can both take, and you can start loving each other in a way that will work.

#2 – Talk to them.

For women, an important part of being loved is feeling connected. Men often don’t understand what that means to be connected to a woman.

I have a client who wants his girlfriend to know that he loves her. He thinks that the best way to do that is by making sure they have good memories. So, he arranges trips and dinners and other expensive things, hoping to create wonderful memories.

His girlfriend has expressed her dismay that he is spending so much money on her, and he brushed it off, telling her that she was worth it. She wasn’t happy.

I suggested that he tell her that he recognizes and respects her concerns and that he has arranged some free things that they can do together to build memories. She was happy.

For women, being seen, heard, understood and acknowledged is an important part of feeling loved.

#3 – Let them take care of you.

Everyone enjoys taking care of someone, but many of us are really bad at letting people take care of us. One of the best things that you can do to show someone you love them is to let them take care of you.

Think about how good it feels when you do something nice for someone and how it connects you to that person and makes you feel good about yourself.

So imagine how good it would feel for your partner to do something for you. So let him! Even if you can do it for yourself, let him do it. Let him feel good about helping you. It is an excellent way to show someone you love them – to let them show you the same.

#4 – Share their passions.

I have a client whose boyfriend LOVES working on cars. LOVES it. He worked on cars with his father, and he does so now with his son, and he would rather work on cars than just about anything.

This love was driving my client crazy because he wanted to spend time with her but also wanted to work on his car. So i suggested a compromise.

I suggested that she try to get interested in some aspects of his car work and learn from him so that she could spend time with him. In exchange, he would be willing to spend some time with her, doing things other than car work.

By supporting your partner’s passions, you are letting them know that you respect and love who they are as a person. And sulking in a corner because you don’t like what he is doing isn’t going to buy you any love at all.

#5 – Support their goals.

I know it has happened to all of us that our partner comes up with some pie-in-the-sky idea that is the new driving force in their lives. It ‘ s exciting and new, and all they want to talk about.

And I am sure it has happened to all of us that we think our partner ‘ s new idea is crazy.

I remember in college, my soccer-playing, skiing, manly-man of a boyfriend turned to me after a dance performance and announced that he wanted to be a dancer. I actually laughed in his face. This was 30 years ago, and I still remember the hurt look in his eyes. He never became a dancer.

To this day, I wish I had supported him. That ‘ s what people who love each other do for each other. He might never have become a dancer, but having the person who loved him believe in him would have been such a gift. Even better would not have been on the receiving end of my derision.

So support them. No matter what.

#6 – Don ‘ t be critical.

You know how you feel when you go to visit your in-laws and your mother-in-law makes some passive-aggressive, disparaging comment about something you did. Do you know how shitty that makes you feel? And you don ‘ t even really like your mother-in-law.

So imagine what your partner, who loves you, must feel like when you are critical of them.

I have a client whose wife gives him the one over every time they are headed out the door. She tells him if his hair is out of place or if his shirt is right or if he is carrying the right bag for the task ahead. And while she is quick to say Your pants have a hole in them, she never says You are perfect today, honey. Thank you.

My client at first tried to anticipate what his wife might want, but as time went on, he only felt resentment towards her criticism. He actually started not only making choices that he knew would antagonize her, but he ignored whatever she mentioned at the door.

So be careful not to be critical. If you have something to say, say it with love. And if it doesn ‘ t need to be said, don ‘ t say it. Life will go on if his hair isn ‘ t just right.

#7 – Forgive them for things big and small.

There is nothing more insidious in a relationship than not forgiving someone for a wrong. And for some reason couples who love each other are really, really good at not forgiving each other. If someone does something wrong, nothing they can do will make up for that wrong. And that wrong will be played out verbally, over and over, forever.

People are only human. We do things that hurt people. Rarely do we do things to hurt someone on purpose. And yet, in relationships, we often take the thing that someone does to us so personally that we refuse to believe that they didn ‘ t set out to hurt us. And that is unforgivable.

I have a client whose partner was so late getting home one night that he missed a date they had planned. He was delayed at work and then got stuck in traffic, and it was a disaster. She took it personally. If you loved me, she said, you would have gotten home on time. And she truly believed what she said.

The reality is is that he DOES love her. He just didn ‘ t allow enough time. And he blew it, but he does love her. And it ‘ s important for her to understand that. And it makes it easier to forgive. He was late. He didn ‘ t plan well. He blew it. And he does love her.

Of course another piece of forgiveness is that the wrong-doer must apologize for the hurt caused. Because therein lies the issue that will carry forth forever – the hurt. Not so much the actions but the resulting feelings.

So don ‘ t take things personally. And apologize for the hurt. Forgive and move on.

#8 – Never show contempt.

If there is one thing that kills love, it ‘ s contempt. Do anything that you can to keep it out of your relationship.

Contempt seems to rear its ugly head when wrongs fester, when people don ‘ t forgive when being critical is the norm and respect is lost. Contempt manifests itself with derisive comments about your partner and comments about who they are as a person.

My ex-husband had a really hard time getting things done around the house. I told him, over and over, that if he was my employee, I would fire him. And I wouldn ‘ t say it in a loving way. I would say it dismissively, almost with a wave of my hand. I can only imagine how it must have felt to be on the receiving end of my contempt.

Therapists say that when they see contempt in a relationship they know that it ‘ s close to over. So if you find yourself acting contemptuously, STOP, assess and figure out what needs to be done.

Don ‘ t let contempt kill love because it will.

Of course, there are obvious ways to show someone that you love them. You hug them and kiss them and have sex with them and tell them that they are wonderful and hang out with their friends and visit their mother. All of those things are an excellent way to show you someone you love them.

But they will have a hard time accepting your love if you aren ‘ t willing to forgive them if you can ‘ t support them and are constantly critical of them. Back up your kisses with words and actions, and they will know that you are the one for them.

If you have read this far you must really love someone and want them to know.
Let me help you, NOW, before they get away!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

10 Things to Know About Loving Someone with ADD

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Loving someone with ADD can be very challenging but also totally worth it.

A few months back I had to break up with someone who I loved very much because he was making me unhappy. I have spent a lot of time since then, very angry and hurt because I felt like he didn ‘ t even try.

And then this week I was doing some research on ADD for a client, and it hit me – my man could very well have ADD! The behaviours that resulted from the condition made staying with him very difficult for me. And I am sure those same behaviours make living life very difficult for him. Maybe it wasn’t that he didn’t try but that he couldn’t try.

I have learned that many people are unaware of the devastating impact ADD can have on relationships. I want to share with you what I have learned.

#1 – They can ‘ t JUST DO IT.

For those of us who don ‘ t have ADD, we can usually get something done when we buckle down, determined to do it. People with ADD just can ‘ t do that. They can, and do, try but often a bright shiny object distracts them and the task at hand evaporates.

#2 – They might have an itch to scratch.

People with ADD can be constantly living on the edge, looking for the next thing that will make them feel something. This could mean doing drugs or having lots of sex or jumping out of aeroplanes. Whatever it takes for them to feel like they are alive and in control.

#3 – Their self-esteem could be at rock bottom.

Because of a lifetime spent struggling to do the most basic tasks and the derision that often comes from other people when they feel let down, people with ADD struggle with a chronic lack of self-esteem. This lack of self-esteem can cause intense depression and actually lead to increased cognitive deficiencies.

Also, their lack of self-esteem will make it difficult for them to accept your love and support because they just won ‘ t believe they deserve it.

#4 – They might not be able to listen…

…or remember or keep promises and could always interrupt you.

The minds of people with ADD go a mile a minute. Much faster than many of us who don ‘ t struggle with ADD, because of this, we are easily distracted by the next thing, as opposed to what is in the now. As a result, they might not remember what is said to them. They want to, but they can ‘ t.

People with ADD also can forget to read texts, might not check their emails and could immediately forget when you ask them to pick up a loaf of bread on their way home.

People with ADD don ‘ t mean to do this, but they do.

#5 – The division of labor might be wildly uneven.

People with ADD struggle to complete even the most basic tasks. As a result, the non-ADD person will be left doing a significant portion of things that need to be done. This can lead to frustration and resentment on the part of the non-ADD person and feelings of shame from the person struggling.

Furthermore, what can often develop is a parent/child dynamic in the relationship where the non ADD person becomes like a parent to the ADDer. This is not a good dynamic for two people in a romantic relationship for many reasons.

#6- They might not be able to make you a priority.

For people with ADD, there are two kinds of time. NOW and NOT NOW. Because of this, they live completely in the moment. The concept of moments down the road means nothing to them.

As a result, it ‘ s very hard for them to prioritize ANYTHING, much less their partner.

#7 – They could struggle to be successful at work.

Because they have a hard time completing tasks and staying focused, people with ADD could always struggle at work. To be successful at work people with ADD need two things: a boss who understands them and an excellent support staff. Without these things, success will be very hard to attain. Not impossible, but very difficult. This will lead to additional self-esteem issues.

#8 – Finances might be a challenge.

People with ADD are often financially challenged for a number of reasons.

The first is that having the focus to keep track of their expenditures will take a tremendous amount of discipline that they might not have.

Secondly, some people with ADD love to spend money. People with ADD are often in search of the next high, the next thing that will scratch their itch. And spending money is an excellent way to achieve that goal.

#9 – Intimacy can be an issue.

People with ADD, particularly men, can struggle with intimacy.

The reasons are varied.

Part of it is that they often just can ‘ t stay focused while making love. They far more enjoy doing something structured and rewarding like working or being on their phones or playing golf.

Another is that the person with ADD has that itch they want to scratch, and multiple sex partners is a way to do it. Once they have caught you, they could move on to the next person.

Furthermore, people with ADD are time challenged. They don ‘ t know how to fit sex, or other tasks, into their crazy busy, out-of-control schedules.

And, finally, the aforementioned parent/child dynamic. This, obviously, does not lend itself to a healthy sex life.

#10 – They might struggle with addiction.

People with ADD might struggle with addiction for a number of reasons.

The biggest one is that they spend every day of their lives struggling to keep their heads above water. This is exhausting and overwhelming. And using drugs or alcohol to escape from those feelings is very effective.

Furthermore, stimulants like cocaine and sugar are widely abused by people with ADD because they become way more focused when using them. Stimulants bring them to the place they always wanted to be – focused, full of bravado, successful at whatever they try and attractive to the opposite sex. Pretty compelling stuff.

Interestingly, people with ADD can also get addicted to things that are good for them – like exercise. They can overdo something that makes them feel more focused and helps build their self-esteem.

Loving someone with ADD can be very challenging. To do so successfully requires a tremendous amount of patience and understanding and the development of life skills by both parties. It ‘ s hard work. It can be done, but it ‘ s not for the faint of heart.

And it ‘ s okay if you don ‘ t feel like you can do that hard work or that you might not be able to accept that your mate will never be able to do some of the things that are important to you, like being intimate or hearing you.

The most important thing for someone with ADD is to be in a relationship with someone who loves them and supports them despite their challenges. Suppose you can be that person, great. If that ‘ s not you, it ‘ s okay to walk away and let them find someone who can.

If you have made it this far you must really love someone with ADD.

Let me help you learn how to cope, NOW, before the ADD harms your relationship.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

 

5 Things I WISH My Parents Had Taught Me – Even Though I Know They Did Their Best

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One thing I know more than anything else is how hard it is to be a parent. We are thrown into the job with no training, and it ‘ s a total crap shoot as to how successful we will be. Now that I am a parent, there are things that I wish my parents had taught me.

I know that back in 1965, when they had me, my parents had nothing but good intentions. I also know that they were young and inexperienced and didn ‘ t necessarily have the best role models in their own parents.

All that being said, there are definitely some things I wish that they had passed on, things that I would not have had to figure out on my own.

#1 – Marriage is complicated.

So here is the thing. I knew from observation that my parent ‘ s marriage was challenging. I knew that my mom put my dad firmly behind the kids and the dogs on her priority list, that she snapped at him easily and that he retreated into his office soon after we had dinner.

What I didn ‘ t know was WHY all of this happened. I went into my own marriage with the knowledge of how my parents treated each other, but I had no idea how, in the context of marriage, to prevent it from happening.

Before I knew it my husband was firmly behind the kids and the dogs on my priority list, I treated him terribly, and he retreated into his office nightly. And, like my parents, we ended up divorced.

I wish my parents had sat me down before I got married and really talked about their experiences in their marriage. What they would have done differently, and what they have learned in the ensuing years. I have already talked to my 20 years olds about what happened in my failed marriage, not placing blame but talking about circumstances and being human.

#2- Fidelity is important.

Fidelity was not a theme that played out in my parent ‘ s marriage. It was the 70s, and women had just entered the workforce, and at-work relationships were becoming more and more the norm. And it wasn ‘ t just my dad who strayed ‘ ¦.my mom fell back in love with a man she knew before she was married.

So the model for me when I was in my teens, in those super important years where we learn, from the example our parents set, about how love and relationships work, was two parents who weren ‘ t committed to each other. And two parents who were lying to each other and to us about this very important thing.

I have to admit that, perhaps because of this example, fidelity has not been something that I have always practised in relationships. I know that it has played a great part in why I have had so many failed ones. I just haven’t been able to commit to anyone in a way that makes for fulfilling, long-lasting love. I am learning but it would have been a huge gift to know how to do so a long time ago.

#3 – Mental illness can run in the family.

I spent a substantial part of my life depressed. I lived with a constant sense of hopelessness and despair. I hated every part of my life and didn ‘ t understand why anyone would want to live. I didn ‘ t know that I was different from everyone else ‘ ¦I thought that everyone hated living as much as I did.

My mother used to come up to my room and yell at me because I didn ‘ t ever want to leave it. She accused me of being rude and lazy, and selfish. She would berate me for being shy at social functions and for sleeping so much. It was not fun to be me.

When I was 42, I was diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder. When I called my mother to tell her she said Oh, your grandfather and your great-grandfather both had Bipolar disorder. Seriously?

What a gift it would have been all those 42 years if I had had a name for how I was suffering. Perhaps I could have been treated, and my life might not have been the hell that it was for so many years. But mental illness was not something that was talked about back then. I so wish it had been.

Do you want to talk about things your parents didn’t say? I will listen!

#4 – Don ‘ t have sex with someone just because they want to.

I don ‘ t ever remember having the love/sex conversation with my mom. I am guessing we had it but perhaps not. What I do know is that she never told me that I needed to enter into the world of boys and sex with caution.

When boys discovered me, I was young, naïve and starved for love. My dad had recently moved far away with his new wife. I was lost and confused, and lonely. And then boys appeared.

There is nothing like a teenage boy to make a teenage girl ‘ s head spin. One was so charming and attentive and full of compliments. I took his attention in like a starving refugee. And when he wanted something from me in return for his attention, I was happy to oblige. He really, really liked me, after all, so why not let him do what he wanted?

My relationship with this boy was over soon after, and I was left adrift, lonelier than before. A teacher took me under her wing and explained to me that what I had was precious and that I had to treat it that way. That I had to have respect for myself and not let anyone take anything away from me unless I wanted to give it. I was confused at first, but I soon understood, and going forward, I was careful not to let any boy get the best of me.

#5 – It ‘ s all about forgiveness.

My mother was the queen of holding a grudge. She loved people madly, but if they crossed her, she was done with them. The list of people who ‘ aren ‘ t invited to my funeral ‘ was quite a long one. My dad was on it. And my ex-husband. She would never get over the wrongs that either one of them had done to her and to those she loved.

This example did not serve us kids well. We learned to judge people for their actions and not look at them with compassion and understanding of their humanness. As a result, we lost friends and lovers in our belief that we were always right and that those who had hurt us should be cast out.

It is really only now, in the aftermath of being left by my husband and the ensuing messiness, that I have learned to understand that we are all doing the best that we can and that forgiving is the best way to be able to move on in a healthy way.

My mother died of pancreatic cancer at 72. I truly believe that at least some of her tumour was the result of hanging onto so much anger and resentment for so long. Not letting go of bad feelings is unhealthy not only for our minds but for our bodies. If we can release them, they will not fester and cause damage.

Our parents really do the best that they can with what they are given. No one gives us a manual about how to parent as we leave the hospital with our newborn. All we know is what we already know. And we do the best we can with that knowledge.

What I do know is my parents loved me and took care of me, and made me, at least in part, into the person that I am today. And for that, I am thankful.

5 Ways to Fix A Relationship NOW – Even If It Feels Really Far Gone

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I have many clients who come to me looking for ways to fix a relationship because they say that they are still in love with their partner but that they are finding it harder and harder to stay that way. They are sad and lonely and desperate to change.

Fortunately, and unfortunately, most relationships are the same. They go through good times and bad. And the bad times are all very similar, standard even, in their issues. And because the issues are standard, they are identifiable and easy to address.

#1 – Stop snipping.

Imagine walking into a room and seeing a friend and asking them how they are doing. How do you THINK I am doing, they respond, nastily. I have been cooking and cleaning all day and where have you been? Would that person be your friend for long? Probably not.

Stop for a minute and consider whether you ever speak that way to your partner. Maybe? Probably? Well, stop it!

Snipping gets us nowhere. It might make us feel good in the moment but all it really does is make the other person shut down. And feel bad about themselves and you.

Next time try this when asked by your partner how you are doing. I am stressed out. I have too much to do and feel overwhelmed. Can you help me?

I can guarantee you positive results – both in getting the needed help and in not adding any more fuel to the fire of resentment.

#2 – Don ‘ t make assumptions.

Life is busy and there is a lot to be done. Chores around the house, time spent with friends, exercise regimes, demands from the kids. And it ‘ s easy to just assume that it ‘ s all going to fit into a day.

We all know, but seem to forget, that this is not the case. There are only 24 hours in a day and only so much that can get done.

It is very important that you both agree on what those things need to be.

I have a client who struggles most with her husband over the weekends. She has a list for him on Saturday morning and she knows that when he is done with that list there will be more for him to do.

My client ‘ s husband wants to make his wife happy and sets out to do the list but gets distracted by tossing the ball with his child, a pre-planned bike ride with friends, that engine that needs to be tinkered with or even something else that his spouse proposes. The list doesn ‘ t get done. And she gets pissed. And he gets defensive and everything falls apart.

I suggested that on Saturday morning she and her spouse discuss their expectations for the day and get them clearly defined. What does she REALLY need done? What does he feel he can get done? What does he want to do outside of chores?

If everyone agrees up front then no one gets let down or screamed at for not getting things done. And if that doesn ‘ t happen then Saturday night is a much better place. A place for making love not war.

#3 – Don ‘ t take everything personally.

My husband ‘ s only job this weekend was to find us windows for our house renovation, my client announced to me one session. He didn ‘ t. If he loved me he would have made it happen.

Sound familiar? If he loved me he would ‘ ¦.

So I have to say it: this concept is total shit and the reason so many marriages fall apart.

My client ‘ s husband didn ‘ t get the windows chosen not because he didn ‘ t love her. He didn ‘ t get the windows chosen because he got a work call and had to deal with that and then lunch happened and then his son needed him and then it was naptime and then he just forgot.

There is a big difference between him not getting it done because he doesn ‘ t love her and what actually happened.

So DON ‘ T TAKE THINGS PERSONALLY. It ‘ s really not all about you.

#4 – Learn each other ‘ s love language.

I truly believe that the best tool in a successful relationship is Gary Chapman ‘ s 5 Love Languages. Go to Amazon right now and download it onto your Kindle.

The premise behind his book is that there are five love languages, five ways that people express and receive love.

The languages are: Quality Time, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service and Giving of Gifts.

For each person one of those things is the thing that makes them feel the most loved when it is done unto them. When a partner tries to love them using a different love language they don ‘ t feel loved.

My love language is Quality Time – I feel loved when someone is truly present with me, listening to me, focusing on me. My ex-husbands ‘ love language was Physical Touch – he felt love when I was holding his hand, hugging him or, yep, that.

Unfortunately, the language that we spoke best with each other was Acts of Service – we did things for each other, like changing the oil in the car or going to the grocery store. Stuff got done but neither of us felt loved.

Check out the 5 Love Languages at www.5lovelanguages.com. There you will find a quiz that you and your partner can both complete and you can start loving each other in a way that will work.

#5 – Fool Around and Laugh.

Yes, I know it always comes down to sex for me. I know. I do believe that it is a huge part of any healthy relationship. Sex provides intimacy and connection that makes your relationship with your partner different from the relationship that you have with any other person on earth. It ‘ s definitely important.

But it ‘ s not ALL that is important.

Couples need to laugh together, to have fun together. So much time is spent with the family business and the outside world that we tend to lose track of that person we proclaim is the most important to us.

Remember when you were falling in love? All of the time that was spent laughing? What made you laugh together back then? Can you go back to those things and do them again now? Or is there something new?

Whatever it is that makes you laugh do it! And do it together.

Personally, one of my favorite relationships ever was with a man I laughed with WHILE we were making love. Rolling around, being intimate and laughing together kept us deeply connected to each other. Our relationship had to end but we are still friends and look back on those times together as pure magic.

Ask any single person what it is they long for most in this world and they will say that it ‘ s to be in a relationship.

If you are in one you are very lucky. If you are in one that is struggling, fix it. Because you are very lucky to have it. And you will miss it if, and when, it goes.

So take a moment right now to take stock of your relationship. Does it need fixing? If yes, take my list, grab your partner, and start making it happen!

Looking for more ways to fix your relationship? Contact me and I can help!

 

 

5 Ways to Lose 5 Lbs Quickly – Even if it Seems Impossible

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Over the past year, I have noticed a thickening around my stomach. I am tall and lean and am lucky that my weight is fairly constant, so this thickening concerned me. At first, I attributed it to menopause and thought that I would have to live with it forever, but I wasn’t too happy about that prospect so I did some research.

What did I learn? My weight gain wasn ‘ t from menopause. And I could fix it. So I did.

#1 – I cut out sugar.

I know, I know. Easier said than done. But seriously, if you can even reduce the sugar in your diet, the weight will fall off.

I have very little sugar in my diet. Eating it makes me feel sick, so I tend to avoid it. I do have to admit, however, to an addiction to coconut water and KIND bars. I travel a lot, and they are very convenient, so I consume them regularly. On average, one large bottle of coconut water and 1 KIND bar (at least) a day.

The first step to my weight loss was cutting those things from my diet. I cut nothing else. I still eat Tostitos and french fries and Pad Thai. I just don ‘ t do coconut water and KIND bars.

In 2 weeks, just not eating sugar, a lot of that thick stuff around my waist evaporated.

Just by not eating sugar.

#2 – I increased the fiber.

A recent study showed people who added more fibre to their diet without changing anything else lost almost as much weight as people on a heart-healthy, low-fat eating plan.

Without changing anything else.

Women should aim for about 25 grams of fiber a day, men 38 grams. Most Americans get half as much as that.

Why does fibre help with weight loss? Because it makes you feel fuller and you eat less. Eating a baked potato, with the skin, will keep you feeling full longer than a bag of potato chips because of the increased fiber.

So how can you increase the fiber in your diet? Easy. Some food high in fiber: legumes, peas, raspberries, avocados, pears, broccoli, and oatmeal. Personally, I added 1 cup of peas to my lunchtime meal and it made a huge difference for my mid-afternoon hunger pangs.

#3 – I got my heart rate up.

I know. When you read this one, you will just want to throw in the towel right away. Images of gym memberships and Pilates classes are enough to send you to the fridge for a pint of ice cream.

Don ‘ t be daunted. Really, it ‘ s not that hard to get your heart rate up.

Studies show that the average person needs 30 minutes of sustained exercise 5 times a week to increase the body ‘ s weight-burning capacity.

30 minutes. That ‘ s nothing.

How about a stroll with your hubby after dinner, dancing around the living room with your kids, or walking the dog in the morning before you head out to work? Maybe even a jog with girlfriends if you feel like it. Or an evening bike ride.

Really, all the things that you used to do as a kid. Just do them now as an adult. For 30 minutes, 5 days a week.

No gym memberships are required.

#4 – I slept.

Did you know that not sleeping well can have a huge effect on your weight?

When we are tired in the morning, we are more likely to turn to sugar-laden lattes and pastries to wake ourselves up. And when we are groggy in the afternoon, we tend to reach for comfort food to get us through the rest of the day. Conversely, if you wake up refreshed after a good night ‘ s sleep, you tend to greet the day in a positive way. Perhaps a healthy breakfast and then a walk for the dog and off you go for your day.

Lack of sleep also affects your metabolism. Your body ‘ s ability to properly use insulin is affected, sometimes by as much as 30%. When this happens, your body stores fat in all of the wrong places. Not the goal.

The goal is to sleep. 7-9 hours a night. I know you have a lot of TV to watch. But try it. See what happens if you get enough sleep. You might like it.

#5 – I reduced my stress.

Did you know that stress is a killer for weight loss, even if you are eating right and exercising regularly? Why?

For two reasons. The first is that the stress hormone Cortisol has been shown to increase the appetite, particularly for foods that are high in saturated fats and sugar. The other is that stress, like sleep, interferes with insulin regulation and more of the food we eat gets turned into fat.

So look where you can reduce stress in your life. This past year my life has been very stressful. I was in a relationship that wasn ‘ t serving me, and I was really suffering. Right around the time I decided to lose weight, I extracted myself from the relationship. My stress evaporated (mostly).

And with it, those 5 Lbs ‘ ¦.

Many of us are looking for ways to lose 5 lbs quickly. Millions of dollars are spent on gym memberships and fad diets every year.

But losing weight doesn ‘ t have to be daunting or expensive. Try these few tweaks. See what happens. Lose those 5 lbs.

For me the 5 lbs lost has made a world of difference. Eating those peas and taking my 30-minute walk every day are things that I look forward to because doing them actually FEELS healthy. I didn’t feel so lumpy in those summer dresses that I pulled from the back of the closet. And I had my bikini on by the pool today. I am SO glad I did that research and made an effort to change.

Perhaps feeling just a little bit lighter will change YOUR life in more ways than one. Or 5 ‘ ¦.

Looking for more ways to lose some weight? Contact me, and I can help.

5 Reasons to Do The Thing That Scares You Most

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Are you looking for reasons to do the thing that scares you most?

Last week, I willingly put myself at the top of Mt. Katahdin, one of the highest mountains in the eastern US, with an elevation of 5267 feet. As I stood there on top of this pile of rocks and looked across at the mile-long traverse called the Knife ‘ s Edge that I was about to cross, I thought to myself, ‘ There is no way I can do this. ‘

But I had to. There was no turning back. I had just slogged 4 miles up over 5-foot boulders, and there was no way I was going back down those things.

So I took it one step at a time and managed to make it across in one piece.

How did I feel on the other side? Incredible!

Doing things that scare us can be daunting, and because we usually have a choice to turn back, we often do. But after doing something that scared me, something I had no choice but to do, I realized that doing it changed my life in many ways.

And that is what I want to share with you today. How to change your life.

Here Are 5 Reasons to Do The Thing That Scares:

#1 – Do it to have some fun.

You know how you feel at the top of a roller coaster? You are strapped in, and you have been slowly rising to the crest of the rails, and there you sit for a moment. Anticipating. And scared as *%&$. And then you are off.

You soar down, over and around the rails, screaming and scared and oh so very exhilarated. Your adrenaline is pumping, and your face is smiling. You feel very much alive.

And having fun!

I have a client who had always ridden behind her husband on their jet ski at the river. The prospect of driving it scared her, and she was perfectly willing to be a passenger. After her divorce, she decided to try things that had always scared her and that included driving the jet ski on her own. So she did.

And? You guessed it. She loved it. Her kids have to fight her for it every time they visit.

#2 – Do it to challenge your assumptions.

I never assumed that I couldn ‘ t climb that mountain, which is why I put myself up there, but my client did assume that she couldn ‘ t drive a jet ski. After she proved to herself that she could in fact drive it she started to question what other assumptions she had made about her life that were false.

My client had always questioned her ability to run her own business so she had never tried and had always worked for other people. At this point in her life, she just didn ‘ t want to do that anymore and wanted to go out on her own.

Because she started challenging her own assumptions, she challenged the ones that she couldn ‘ t work for herself. Together we created and implemented a step-by-step plan to get her out of her office and into the world. Within a year she was running a health and wellness business out of her home, and she was living the life of her dreams.

#3 – Do it to prove to yourself that you can do anything.

One of the things that happen to us over time, as we age and experience disappointment and regret, is that we lose the belief in ourselves that we can actually do things, big things or small because we have failed before, we believe that we will always fail.

Doing something that scares you will prove this to not be true.

I have a client who wanted to move out of her dark, cramped apartment but she truly believed that she would NEVER be able to do so. She hired me to help her in this endeavour and, while she worked diligently to achieve that goal, we still had the conversation a few times a week about how she couldn ‘ t pull it off that it would actually kill her.

Guess what? It didn ‘ t actually kill her. She now has a new apartment which she purchased on her own, that she loves. Accomplishing her goal allowed her to start believing in herself again.

Last weekend she was invited to spend the weekend with old high school friends who hadn ‘ t seen each other in 20 years. As they each told the stories of their life, my client froze up, as she always does in such situations, because she was ashamed of the story of her life.

And then, because she believed in herself for once, she unfroze and told these women her story. And it was wonderful. They listened and accepted her and loved her even more for doing so.

Wow!

#4 – Do it to conquer fear.

I have a client who read Jaws under her bed-covers with a flashlight at the age of 8. And then at 16, she saw the movie. Because of this, my client lived with a debilitating fear of the water. She couldn ‘ t go in the sea, a lake, a pond or sometimes even a pool out of fear of what might be in there that would nibble at her toes.

Living with this fear had a big effect on her life. She and her family had travelled the world, and she had missed out on many adventures because she had avoided the water. Her family had swum with dolphins in Mexico, kayaked with whales in Washington, snorkelled with sharks in Thailand, and she had missed out on all of it.

One Christmas, while visiting the Caribbean, my client watched as her family ventured out on yet another snorkelling adventure without her. She would sit in the boat and take pictures. Again.

‘ Wait, ‘ she thought. ‘ Not this time. ‘ And without thinking too hard about it, she donned the snorkel gear and accompanied her children into the water. They stuck by her side for a few minutes, but then she shooed them off because she was entranced by what she was seeing under the sea. Fishes! Beautiful fishes! And they weren ‘ t biting her toes or menacing her in any way. How about that?

My client returned back home a changed woman. She had conquered THE biggest fear of her life. She set out to conquer others, and she did and still does.

My client is always telling me that knowing she can conquer her fear has given her a freedom she never thought she would have in her life. How great is that?

#5 – Do it to change your life.

Okay, so you have had some fun, challenge your assumptions, reminded yourself that you can do anything and conquered your fears. What ‘ s next? Do you think you are just going back to your old way of life? One built on fear, indecision and insecurity.

Of course, you aren ‘ t. You are going to take your newfound skills and self-awareness and go out and change your stars.

Because my client decided to take the step to move out of her apartment, her life has changed in so many ways. She had lived in fear, so she never put herself out there to have fun. Now she plays in an orchestra, goes to church and has started to date. Because she assumed that she was unlovable, she cut herself off from friends and family. Now she knows that she is very lovable, and she is letting them all back in again. Because she proved to herself that she could actually do it when she set her mind to moving she has set her mind to the fact that she wants to be an accountant and will pursue that goal at all costs.

Did I mention that my client is 68 years old? She decided that she wasn ‘ t going to live in her dark apartment anymore, set her mind to a change and ultimately changed her life.

If she can do it, you can too!

Eleanor Roosevelt said, ‘ You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face ‘ ¦Do the thing that you think you cannot do. ‘

Do it today. Think of one thing that you think you can not do and get determined to do it. Figure out what you need to do to do it. Set a goal for when you will get it done. Tell someone you are going to do it. And then do it. Don ‘ t TRY to do it. Do it.

It will change your life.

You can do it! I know you can.

Looking for other reasons to do the thing that scares you most? Contact me, and I can help.

 

5 Steps to Letting Go of Love – Even as Your Heart is Breaking

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If falling in love is the most wonderful feeling in the world, letting go of love is the most horrible feeling in the world.

There is nothing worse than the physical pain of losing a love – the pit in your stomach, the broken heart, the feelings of despair and hopelessness.

Letting go of love is not easy, but it is possible. Just follow these steps, and before you know it, you will be able to let go of a love that is holding you back and move on with your life.

#1 – Ask yourself how determined you are to do this.

Before you begin any life-changing process, you must ask yourself how determined you are to do it. On a scale of 1-10 how close to a 10 are you? Because without steadfast determination you will not be able to accomplish something as challenging as getting past a lost love.

So are you ready to do this? Is there any part of you that is holding on to the possibility that things could work out? Do you feel like you aren ‘ t strong enough to do this yet?

If the answer to any of these questions is a yes, then perhaps you should wait a bit longer before you begin this process. Time is a great healer, and with some time, you will get stronger and be ready to take on this challenging task.

#2 – Cut him off.

I know that we all think that we need ‘ closure ‘ at the end of a relationship, that final conversation where everyone gets to say what they want to say, and you understand each other and walk away as friends.

I am here to tell you that closure is a myth. What closure really is one last chance to spend time with and talk to that person you still love. Because really, if you could have a conversation and finally understand each other, why couldn ‘ t you make it work as a couple?

So when you have decided that the relationship is over, cut him off. Block him on your phone, disconnect on social media, and stay away from places where you know he will be.

Why? Because what you need to do is break the addiction you have to this person, to change your habits.

Think about Oreo cookies. Do you know how hard it is to eat just one? It ‘ s the same with your man. Even one point of contact can draw you back into his circle, the circle that you have decided you are determined to break yourself out of.

So go no contact right away. It will make the process way easier!

#3- Ask yourself what it is that you need to let go of.

This is very important. What is it that you need to let go of to move on?

I have a client who was ready to let go of a man who she loved very much but who she knew wasn ‘ t the man for her, and she was struggling with it because of the love she still felt.

I asked her to look at it like an onion, an onion where feelings are layers that must be removed to get to the core. What was the top layer?

For my client, it was anger. She was angry at her man for the way he had treated her and angry with herself for wasting so much time letting him do so. That was her first layer. She had to deal with the anger.

The second layer was the hopes and dreams. The hopes and dreams that she had had for their life together. It had all seemed so promising at the beginning, and she was still struggling to believe that it couldn ‘ t go back to what it was. But she knew it couldn ‘ t, and she knew that she would have to let go of those hopes and dreams in order to move on.

The third layer, the core, actually, was the love that she still had for this man. And this love, we decided, wasn ‘ t actually something that she wanted to let go of. She knew that they didn ‘ t have a future together, but their past, their experiences together, and how she felt about him was something that she wanted to hold on to, not in a hopeful way but as something from her past that was special to her.

By examining each layer of the onion, my client was able to peel back and discard one layer of emotion at a time which left her with the one piece that she wanted to hold on to, one that wouldn ‘ t hold her back from moving on but that she would carry with her in her heart going forward.

Need some help letting going of love? I can help. Just let me know….

#4 – Ask yourself what is true and what you have made up in your head.

This is such an important piece of letting go.

We all have ideas in our head about truths in our relationships, but, unfortunately, often, these truths are not so much – they are just hopes and dreams that we have made up over the course of the relationship.

I have a client who had hopes and dreams of a life that she wanted with her boyfriend that had absolutely no basis in reality. She wanted to move to the woods, raise sheep, have kids and grow old together. She had this idea firmly stuck in her head that this was what she wanted, and if her boyfriend loved her enough, he would embrace her dream too.

What she didn ‘ t realize was that although this dream of hers was wonderful, there was NO WAY she was going to have it with her boyfriend. He loved the city, hated livestock and didn ‘ t want kids for at least another decade.

I asked her to consider these things that she knew to be true, what he didn ‘ t want, and stack them up next to what she did want her hopes and dreams. When she did, she finally saw that the truth of the situation was different from what she had been telling herself in her head.

Armed with that knowledge, she was one step closer to letting him go.

#5 – Ask yourself what it is you really want in a relationship.

The final part of letting go is getting to know what exactly it is that you want from someone in a relationship. Without knowing what you want, you are going to have a hard time getting it.

So make a list. Make a list of what you want from a man in a relationship with you. It doesn ‘ t have to be long but make it comprehensive.

My list, in part: someone who makes me laugh, who knows who he is and what he wants, who loves my kids and who wants to make me a priority in his life.

So make your list and run through it with your current guy in mind. Chances are, if you are reading this article, that he won ‘ t match up with many of the things on that list, and you will finally understand because you will see it there clearly, in black and white.

And your emotions just can ‘ t argue with black and white. He is not what you want. Time to move on.

Letting go of something that once seemed so promising is very difficult and will take some steadfast determination on your part but you can do it.

Cut off contact, peel back the onion, question your assumptions and define what you want. Before you know it you will have clarity that you are making the right decision and will be able to let go.

And that means: Step #6 – Get yourself back out there.

I know that right now you feel like you might never love again but putting yourself back out there doesn ‘ t mean you have to fall in love. Putting yourself back out there means that you get to dress up and flirt and date and have a lot of fun. And maybe, just maybe, you will find another love, but in the meantime, you can enjoy yourself and the freedom you have as a single girl. Embrace it!

Do you struggling with letting go of love?
Let me help, NOW, before your heart break even more!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, and let’s get started!

 

5 Ways to Cultivate An Iron Clad Self-Esteem

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Dictionary.com defines self esteem as ‘ a realistic respect for or a favorable impression of oneself. ‘ Sounds easy enough, right? Unfortunately, not so much.

Many of us live with a self-esteem that does not serve us. We don ‘ t believe that we are all that. That we are beautiful or kind or smart or thoughtful or successful or worthy. Instead, many of us believe that we will never amount to much in this world and we question whether we will ever succeed at anything, be it at love, at work or at getting healthy.

Tragically, our self-esteem gets destroyed by a lifetime of experiences, negative experiences that gradually eat away at the healthy self-esteem we are born with.

Fortunately, there are ways to rebuild your self-esteem. Rebuild it stronger than ever so that you are not afraid to take on the world and make your world what you want it to be.

#1 – Get out of that relationship that doesn ‘ t serve you.

Are you in a relationship with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself in any way? Does your partner make you feel less than for not making your bed or for how you dress? Do they go out and do things with their friends and leave you alone, lonely? Do they refuse to talk about your feelings when you need them most?

If you are with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself GET OUT.

I have a client who is at a turning point in her life and she needs some time by herself to figure things out. She still loves her man and she has tried to explain to him what she has been thinking. Not only does he not get it and not support her but he also told her that she is ‘ out of her mind. ‘

And how did she react? She believed him. Because her self-esteem told her that he was right and that the way he was treating her was what she deserved.

I begged to disagree and worked with her as she distanced herself from the relationship. She set out doing her work, building her self-esteem, and eventually she was able to see clearly what she really deserved in a relationship – someone who respected and cherished her.

Not the man who told her she was ‘ out of her mind. ‘

So ditch any partner who doesn ‘ t make you feel 100%. There are plenty of people out there who can and will help you feel great!

#2 – Accomplish something BIG.

There is no better way to build a steely self-esteem than setting a goal and reaching it.

Now is the time to think of something that you have always wanted to accomplish and make it happen.

My client who was trying to find her place in the world had always longed to have a health and wellness program at her farm. She had grand ideas but had a hard time getting started on making the program happen. Working together with me, we created a step-by-step plan for her to have a Wellness Weekend at her farm. She reached out to a friend whose expertise complemented hers and together they worked to create a weekend retreat for 10 women, one where they learned about health and wellness and self care.

How did my client feel after accomplishing her goal? Like a million bucks. Not only did she inspire 10 women to live healthier lives but by taking the actions necessary to make her dreams come to fruition she knew that she could take on the world and conquer it.

Kind of like a superhero, right? Unvanquishable!

#3 – Get your swagger on.

I have a friend who always says that he loves it when I get my ‘ swagger on. ‘ I, like everyone else, have periods of time when I don ‘ t feel so good about myself and I have learned that the best way to get through those times quickly is to make doing what makes me feel good a priority.

I always try to eat well, get enough sleep, walk and do yoga every day. By doing so my body feels strong and healthy and my mind relatively clear. For me, the next step to making myself feel good is to encase that strong body in a tight pair of jeans, put on some cowboys boots and take myself out onto the streets of New York City. Getting my swagger on.

What gets your swagger on? Is it having your hair done every month? Power walking in the afternoon while listening to the Hamilton soundtrack? Reading every book on the NYT bestseller list?

Whatever it takes to make you feel like you can step out of your front door and walk down the street with a bit of swagger.

Your self-esteem is built on swagger.

#4 – Give of yourself to others.

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, can help build an iron clad self-esteem more than doing something for someone else. Truly, nothing.

When I was going through my divorce my self-esteem was at it’s lowest. On the advice of a friend I started volunteering weekly at the local food bank. Four hours a week of helping other people get food to eat, for themselves and their families, made me feel so good. And not because I felt lucky because I wasn ‘ t in their position but because I knew that I had made a substantial, positive difference in their lives. It made my heart sing.

Many of us don ‘ t have time to volunteer but we can make a difference in other ways. Hold the door open for someone, buy that homeless person sitting outside the grocery store a sandwich, reach out to a friend you know is going through a hard time, give up your seat on the subway.

There is nothing like being on the receiving end of a smile of gratitude to wake up your self-esteem. And once it ‘ s awake it will be hungry for more.

So try it. Reach out and make a difference in someone ‘ s life today

#5 – Spend time with those who love you.

You know those people who have known you forever and who love you completely and totally, no matter how many times you have screwed up and disappointed them. Yes, those people. Those people are the people who you want to spend time with.

My client who was trying to find herself and whose boyfriend wasn ‘ t being supportive was really struggling to find the strength to do what she needed to do. She was prepared to settle back into the life she had. It wasn ‘ t perfect but it was good enough. Right?

Lucky for her, one of her oldest friends was in town and a dinner was arranged for the two of them and a third member of their mommy posse. It was exactly what she needed.

Her friends did not hesitate to remind her of how awesome she was. They pointed to specific examples of where she had succeeded in the past, how loved and supported she was by others, how important she was to the world. By loving and supporting her so completely they gave steel to her self-esteem, allowing it to remind her that there was nothing that she couldn ‘ t do because she had done it before.

Your posse is your self-esteem ‘ s best friend!

When we are born we are gifted with the belief that we can do anything. Without it we might never learn to walk or talk or read or sing or love. Unfortunately, life experience can gradually rip our self-esteem to shreds.

Luckily, YOU can rebuild it. Rebuild it so that it ‘ s bigger and stronger than it ever was before. Spend time only with those who love you, take care of yourself and others and make something BIG happen. Your self-esteem will be iron clad in no time.

You can do it! We both know you can!

Need more help rebuilding your self-esteem? Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let me help.

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