How to Keep Moving on When You’re Feeling Depressed

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Has your life gotten to that place where you ‘ re feeling depressed all the time?

Are you feeling hopeless and full of dread and worried about what the future will hold?

If you are, I am so sorry. Being depressed and hopeless is a horrible place to be!

Fortunately, there are things you can do to keep moving on when you ‘ re feeling depressed and like you always will be.

#1 – Assess the situation.

There are two kinds of depression, situational and chemical. They have similar symptoms but different causes. Knowing what kind of depression you have is the first step to dealing with it.

Situational depression is caused by something that happens in your life. When something big happens that makes you sad, like the death of a parent or a divorce or the loss of a job, you can become situationally depressed. This kind of depression usually has a beginning, caused by a specific event, and an end, and is often treated differently from chemical depression.

Chemical depression is the result your brain chemistry being off in such a way that leads to depression. You are most often born with chemical depression but it can also by caused by a traumatic life event.

Chemical depression can happen to youeven if your life is going great.

So, ask yourself some questions about what your life looks like these days to help you figure out what kind of depression you might have.

If you think you have situational depression, read on. If you think you have chemical depressionhere is an article for you to read to learn more about next steps.

#2 – Do things that make you feel good.

If you ‘ re feeling depressed all of the time, our inclination is to collapse into our life. We stay in bed, we don ‘ t shower or eat well and cut off contact with those we love.

Let me tell you: if you are feeling depressed, collapsing is absolutely the worst thing that you can do. Instead it is important to do things that make you feel good.

For me, I keep a list of things to do when I am feeling depressed. First off: take a long, hard walk (the endorphins are great for my depression). Also, do yoga. Watch The Walking Dead. Take a bath. Go to the movies. Have sex. Eat Pad Thai. When I am depressed I do one, or all, of those things and my depression is often lifted.

So, what makes you happy? Write out a list, when you aren ‘ t depressed, of what makes you happy so that when you are depressed you are ready.

#3 – Keep your mind active.

Unfortunately, when you ‘ re feeling depressed, our worst enemy is that brain of ours.

While we are lying on the couch feeling sorry for ourselves, our brain is actively buying into it all.

You are a loser, it says. You have no friends. You aren ‘ t good at anything. You will never find love. You suck at your job. And on and on.

And, chances are, that none of those things are true. That you are not a loser, you have plenty of friends, you are talented, love is out there and your boss thinks you are doing great. But your brain, when you are depressed, just doesn ‘ t go there.

It is really important, when you ‘ re feeling depressed, to keep your brain busy. Yoga is a really good way to do this – you are so busy trying to figure out the damn pose that you don ‘ t have a chance to think about anything. It also has the side benefit of toning your body and making you feel strong, which can be helpful.

Other options for keeping your mind quiet are: reading, going to a movie, hanging out with friends, working. Meditation is also an option but I just get more depressed when I try, and fail, to meditate. If you can do it, go for it!

What do you like to do that will help you quiet that mind of yours, the mind that is feeding into those feelings that are bringing you down? Figure it out and do it!

#4 – Choose your playmates carefully.

One of the most important things to manage when you ‘ re feeling depressed is your environment. Your bed and your pjs might feel like the right thing to do but you know now they are not.

The same attention needs to be paid to who you spend time with when you are feeling depressed and anxious. If there are people in your life who bring you down then avoiding them when you aren ‘ t doing well is very important.

My mother was very difficult to spend time with when I was depressed. She was always trying to talk me out of my depression by pretending that it didn ‘ t exist or telling me to just snap out of it. Both of those things just made me feel worse. So, I avoided her when I wasn ‘ t doing well. It was best for both of us.

Consider who you shouldn ‘ t spend time with when you are depressed and avoid them. On the same note, think about who would be a good person to be with and make a date with them right now!

#5 – Talk to your doctor.

If everything else fails and still you find yourself feeling depressed and anxious all of the time, then it ‘ s time to call your primary care doctor.

Feeling consistently depressed and anxious might indicate some serious health problems and getting a complete check-up from your doctor could be really important.

Your doctor can take a look at all aspects of your life and help you come up with a plan for managing your depression and anxiety so that they don ‘ t get worse. Which they will do if they are left untreated and allowed to persist.

Remember, your doctor won ‘ t judge. There are lots of people who feel just like you do every day and that ‘ s what doctors are there for – to help us all.

If you ‘ re feeling depressed all of the time it ‘ s important that you do something about it and do something about it now!

Do a quick assessment of your life and try to figure out what kind of depression you might have. Take care of yourself, make yourself happy, keep your brain busy, control who you spend time with and, if necessary, see your doctor.

Depression can go away on its own if properly managed but will get worse if left untreated. So, try the things that I recommended above but always pay attention to how you are doing. If you are getting worse and not better, get help!

You can do it!

Is your depression threatening to make a mess of your life?
Let me help, NOW, before it gets out of control!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

How to Stop Hurting after a Breakup

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Are you wondering how to stop hurting after a breakup?

Have you worked hard to get out of a relationship that wasn ‘ t serving you? Are you feeling overwhelmed by emotion and the empty space that is the result letting go of your love?

Or were you walked out on and struggling to understand why and get past it?

You are not alone. Getting past a break up is hard but not impossible.

Here are some things that you can do that can really help.

#1 – Take stock.

One of the first thing I tell all of my clients, when they have to walk away from someone they love, is to take stock of the reasons that their relationship wasn ‘ t working. Make a list – a list of all of the reasons why they needed to walk away from that person or the things that they knew weren ‘ t working, the reasons why they might have been broken up with.

When we spend time with someone, we are regularly exposed to those things that remind us that we need to walk away. When we finally get away from that person, those things tend to recede into our memory. They get replaced in the forefront of our mind with the good things, the good times, all the things that we loved about that person.

And, with the good things at the front of our minds, we are vulnerable to returning to the relationship that is causing us pain.

So, make a list. Make a list of everything that you can think of that has caused the breakup. Keep that list close and refer to it when you are missing him. And keep the list in case he comes back, begging for forgiveness.

You left this relationship for a reason. Keep that reason in mind daily going forward. He left this relationship for a reason – make him work to get your back. A list will help you with both.

#2 – Go cold turkey.

There is nothing more tempting, when you are missing your lost love, then to stalk him or her.

Unfortunately, these days there are so many ways to keep tabs on a lost love – social media has made it all so easy. And keeping tabs on a lost love makes it really hard to let go and move on.

I know that it doesn ‘ t seem like that big of a deal, to take a quick peak at your lost love ‘ s feed, but you know, as well as I do, that there is a chance you could see something on there that you just don ‘ t want to see. Perhaps him out there, having fun without you, doing something that you used to do together, or even doing it with someone else. And seeing any or all of those things could send you into a tail spin.

So, eliminate all ties to your loved one on social media. Block him on your phone. Don ‘ t ask your mutual friends about what he is doing. Tell yourself that he has moved to Mars and that you will never see him again.

You will be glad you did.

#3 – Make yourself a priority.

Ok, so you are single again and you suddenly find yourself with lots of free time. And you might also find yourself craving a lot of ice cream.

Now is not the time to sit around, watching Netflix and eating ice cream. While those things might be fun in the moment, in the long run they will only make you feel worse.

The best thing that you can do for yourself right now is to exercise and take care of yourself. When you are going through a hard time, the number one thing that can make you feel better is the endorphins that are created through exercise. Those chemicals will actually make you feel very different from the sad and lonely person you might feel like right now.

Furthermore, if you get enough sleep and eat well, your body will feel strong and it will help with your healing.

And, best of all, taking care of yourself will make you look hot, way hotter than you might look if you only indulged in Netflix and ice cream. And looking good is an excellent way to win your break up. Imagine the look on his face when he sees you next!

So, again, this is the time to take care of yourself. Don ‘ t let yourself fall apart. The pulling yourself back together will be so much more difficult if you do.

#4 – Do something big.

Another thing to do with all of that free time is to start doing something that you have always wanted to do. Don ‘ t sit around feeling sorry for your empty space – do something with it.

A client of mine broke up with a man she loved desperately but who couldn ‘ t commit to her. She was devastated. I asked her to name a few things that she had always wanted to do. One of the things that she came up with was writing.

In this day and age, it is quite possible to write and get what you write out to the masses without going through the process of publishing a book or getting a magazine to publish your article. You can simply write a blog and post it to a variety of platforms available online.

My client started writing about her broken heart, what happened, her insights about what she could have done differently, the way she felt with him gone from her life. It was hard work for her, emotionally, but soon she started to get a following. Other women who were going through the same things appreciated her written words and started commenting on her articles. As a result, she built a small community of women who supported each other through the rough times.

What is it that you have always wanted to do? Pick one thing and start doing it. You have the time. Life is short. Don ‘ t waste it!

#5 – Reconnect with old friends ‘ ¦and make new ones.

For many of us, relationships mean that we disconnected with people who might previously have been a big part of our lives. None of us do it intentionally, or with malice, but it does happen. And those friends are still out there.

Make an effort to reach out to those friends, the friends who knew you ‘ ˜before. ‘ They will be happy to have you back and happy to support you getting through this time.

Also, now is a great time to make new friends. I have a client who is using Bumble BFF, an app for women to connect with other women,to find some new friends, ones who are single and want to get out and do things like she does. She has connected with some amazing women in just a few weeks.

People are a great way to get you through a tough time. And you have lots of people. Reach out and find them again.

Knowing how to stop hurting after a breakup is an essential way to get past it.

Having a plan is always the best course of action, I believe, much better than TV and junk food and hours spent dreading the future.

So, now that you have read this article, get up off the couch. Get a notebook and make a list of all of the reasons that you broke up with your guy. Keep it close. Block your guy on your phone and on every social media platform you are connect on. Get out there and exercise. Do somethings that you have always wanted to do. Reconnect with old friends. Fill your calendar with things that will make you happy and disconnect from the guy you had to let go.

I know it doesn ‘ t seem possible but life does not end with a break up. Rather, it begins again. It is up to you to take advantage of this new beginning and make the most of your life.

You can do it! It will be worth it! I promise ‘ ¦

Are you worried that you will never get past your break up?
Let me help, NOW, before it gets the best of you!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

Feeling Depressed All The Time? How To Know When It’s Time To Ask For Help

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Are you feeling depressed all the time?

Are you really sad, not yourself and not enjoying your life?

Your friends are telling you that it will pass. To snap out of it. But you are wondering if you can. You are wondering if maybe it ‘ s time to ask for help.

I know when I was struggling with undiagnosed depression there were indicators that it was time to get help. I didn ‘ t see them at the time but there are indicators that I have learned, as a life coach and as a formerly depressed person, to spot.

#1 – Can you get out of bed or off the couch?

If you are feeling depressed all the time and find it really difficult to rouse yourself, then it might be time to get help.

How much time do you spend on the couch or in bed? You aren’t necessarily tired but the prospect of getting up is just too daunting to face. So, perhaps you stay horizontal all day, watching Netflix and feeling like a loser.

This habit is a significant indicator of depression. People who have been diagnosed with depression tell of the great lengths they go to stay out of bed. Of stripping the sheets, taking the mattress off of the box spring and leaning it against the wall, locking the bedroom door. Whatever it takes to keep them out of bed and wallowing in their depression.

If you are finding yourself horizontal more often than not, it ‘ s definitely time to get help!

#2 -Do you no longer love the things you love?

Have you lost interest in doing the things that you have always loved?

Does the idea of going to school or seeing friends or going out to dinner just seem like too much to bear?

People who are depressed isolate themselves. The energy that it takes to get out of bed and interact with others is overwhelming. So, they don’t.

Ironically, going out and doing the things that you love is a great way to alleviate depression temporarily. Unfortunately, the treatment can often seem too daunting to undertake and so people who are depressed just stay home.

If you find yourself isolating and dreading doing the things that used to make you happy then it just might be time to get help1

#3 -Do you have overwhelming feelings of hopelessness and dread?

Do you spend much of your time running all sorts of negative thoughts through your head about how horrible your life is? What a loser you are and how no one will ever love you? Are you 100% confident that this will never change?

Does the idea of going for a run or talking to your mother or spending time with your partner just feel impossible because you feel so worthless?

People who are depressed believe that all of those negative thoughts that run through their head. Unfortunately, they also believe, falsely, that it will always be this way!

What many depressed people don ‘ t realize is that, when one is depressed, future things can only seem hopeless. Why? Because, when one ‘ s mind is in such a dark place, it ‘ s impossible to believe that the future will be any different than it is now.

The good news is that once the depression is addressed that feeling of hopelessness can disappear completely!

So, if you are feeling depressed all the time and full of hopelessness and dread, get some help!

#4 – Are you are impatient with those you love?

Do you find yourself losing your patience with those you love? Do you scream at your kids if their homework doesn’t get done? Do you sneer at your husband if he asks you what is wrong? Can you not even talk to your mom anymore because her incessant questioning is just too much?

Impatience with those you love is a huge indicator of depression. The sense of the hopelessness that our condition will never change and that we are worthless makes it intolerable for us to interact with others, particularly those who love us and want the best for us.

Ironically, it is that love exactly that we need most in our life when we suffer from depression. Pushing that love away ultimately can make the depression worse.

So, reach out to your doctor if your impatience and irritability are getting the best of you and effecting your life!

#5 – Have your sleep habits and/or appetites changed?

Have you found that recently your appetite has changed? Do you find yourself indulging more than usual in Ben and Jerry ‘ s and Oreos? Or do you find that you have no taste for food at all? Have you lost weight and find yourself listless because you aren’t eating?

Do you find that you can ‘ t sleep at all, that your nights are long and filled with thoughts of hopelessness and dread?

Or do you find yourself sleeping too much? Is the only relief that you get from your depression through sleep?

Changes in eating and sleeping patterns can indicate depression. When depression goes untreated we often self-medicate with food, often to one extreme or another. Which is not healthy and can make the depression worse.

Or course, eating and sleeping well is an important part of dealing with depression. And failing to do so only makes the feelings of hopelessness and despair worse.

If you are feeling depressed all the time then it ‘ s time to get treated.

Untreated depression only gets worse.

Unfortunately, we hate to admit to being depressed because our loved ones, and society as a whole, tend to stigmatize those with depression.

So, ask yourself if you have any of the symptoms above. Are you listless and full of hopelessness? Is the joy in your life gone? Are you impatient and irritable and have your sleep patterns changed?

If you any of these are true, seek professional help immediately. Call your primary care provider and tell her exactly how you have been feeling, using this article as a reference if you like.

Treating depression is easy. Living with it is not.

Is your depression threatening to make a mess of your life?
Let me help, NOW, before it gets out of control!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

How Letting Go Of A Toxic Relationship Can Save Your Life

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Are you struggling with letting of a toxic relationship and are you looking for another reason to do so?

Leaving any relationship, even a toxic one, is very difficult. Our friends and family encourage us to do so, and perhaps we recognize that we should, but sometimes it ‘ s hard to take that final step. We cast about for reasons, hoping there will be one that is the final nail in the coffin, the thing that gives us the strength to leave.

Well, how about I give you 5 of them. 5 reasons why letting go of a toxic relationship can save your life.

#1 – Your body will get strong.

Did you know that the day in day out stress of a toxic relationship can take a huge toll on your body?

Have you noticed that your head aches a lot, your tummy is often hurts, that you have pains in your shoulders or your back that you don ‘ t remember having before?

Being in a toxic relationship can have a significant effect on our physical health. The everyday stress caused by the bad relationship is so damaging to our systems because we never have a break from it. Even when we aren ‘ t with our partner, our minds are preoccupied with the relationship and our bodies are holding the pain.

Imagine if you woke up in the morning, feeling strong, your head clear, your stomach ready for a big breakfast, ready and willing to take on the world. How amazing would that be?

Letting go of a toxic relationship can give you physical strength, strength that just might save your life.

#2 – Your mind will heal.

Do spend much, or all, of your time struggling with worries about your life and your relationship? Do you struggle with feelings of hopelessness and dread? Do you wonder if it will ever be possible to be happy again?

If those words describe you at all then you could very well be struggling with anxiety and depression, two things that have the power to rock your world and not in a good way.

People who live with anxiety are plagued with worries about what is, what was and what could be. They obsess about all the things that are wrong with their life and their relationship and this makes it hard to focus on anything else.

People who live with depression are constantly plagued with feelings of hopelessness and dread. They struggle with how horrible their lives are every day and they can ‘ t believe that things could ever be different.

If you are struggling with anxiety and/or depression, struggles that you didn ‘ t have before your present relationship, then letting of a toxic relationship is the very best thing that you can do for you mental health and it just might save your life.

#3 – You will have yourself back.

Do you look in the mirror some days and wonder who that person looking back at you is?

Have your months or years being in a toxic relationship sucked the life out of you?

Are you struggling to believe in yourself, in your ability to make it on your own?

Many people who are in a toxic relationship have been worn down by the anger and the sadness and the unkind words, worn down to the point where their self-confidence is shattered and they no longer believe in themselves.

Imagine no longer feeling that way. Imagine no longer being that person who has been worn down so much that they don ‘ t believe they are worthy. Imagine, instead, being a person who is full of self-confidence, who looks at themselves in the mirror and sees someone they know is worthy, worthy of life and love and happiness.

How good would that feel?

#4 – You will renew connections.

Many people who are in toxic relationships find that, one by one, their connections fall away.

This happens for two reasons. The first is that, often, people who are in toxic relationships are forced to cut off contact with those who care about them because their partner feels threatened and is possessive. Instead of having friends and family to turn to, they find themselves alienated and alone.

What also happens is that we lose friends and family because they get sick of us making the same mistakes over and over, of listening to us complain and not make change, of watching us destroy our lives, one day at a time, over someone who makes us miserable. Slowly, one by one, they move away from us until we find ourselves alone.

Imagine a life that is full of love and connection. A life full of friends and family and happiness in shared experiences. A life where we wake up every day, eager for new experiences and lots of laughter.

Letting go of a toxic relationship so that you can regain your friends and family just might very well save your life because a life without love and connection is a very unhealthy one indeed.

#5 – You will find love again.

One thing that I can promise you is that, no matter what, if you stay in your toxic relationship you will not find love again.

Out there waiting for you, somewhere, is a person who will treat you well, who will make you feel important, who will love you and cherish you and with whom you will truly be happy.

Staying in this relationship, a relationship that isn ‘ t serving you, will only ensure that you will stay miserable and you will never have a chance to have the big love that you have always wanted.

And the presence, or absence, of love in our life is one of the most important keys to keeping us healthy and making life worth living.

Letting go of a toxic relationship can be incredibly difficult.

We hold on to the person who we hope they can be or because of how things were in the beginning or because of the belief that we don ‘ t want give up. Ironically, thinking all of those things, is only hurting us.

Imagine a life where you feel physically healthy, your mind is clear, you feel good about yourself and you are surrounded by love and joy.

You can have that – if you are willing to let go of a relationship that is sucking the life out of you every day.

You can do it! I know you can!

Is holding onto toxic love keeping you from finding your true love?
Let me help, NOW, before too much time goes by!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

How To Manage Feeling Depressed After A Breakup

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Are you feeling depressed after a breakup?

Were you in a relationship that end recently and, whether you wanted it or not, do you find yourself alone now and feeling depressed, hopeless that you will never be happy again?

Let me tell you that you aren ‘ t alone – that there are many women out there RIGHT NOW feeling the way you do. And the good news – you will all feel better soon. I promise!

How? Let me share what I know ‘ ¦.

#1 – Know that your feelings are normal.

You have just broken up with someone you once were deeply connected to. The hopes and dreams that you had for the future have been completely dashed. You are spending time alone that you used to spend with him. Your life is totally different and, honestly, not so great.

You are going to be sad. You are going to be devastated. And it ‘ s okay.

I remember, less than 12 hours after my mother died, my step-father was telling himself to snap out of it, to not be sad. He couldn ‘ t handle the pain that he was feeling. So, he stuffed it down. And, 4 years later, he is still overwhelmed by his loss.

It is important to be okay with the emotions that you are feeling. It isn ‘ t a reflection of any weakness on your part. It ‘ s a reflection of the pain that you are feeling. And it is important that you feel those feelings. That you feel the pain and the sadness and the regret and whatever emotions arise as a result of the break up.

Only by truly feeling and processing emotions are you able to work through them and let them go.

So, embrace your emotions. Own them as your own. Process them and let them go. If you do so, you will be able to let go feeling depressed after letting go of love.

#2 – Put yourself first.

One of the reasons that it ‘ s so hard to get over feeling depressed after a breakup is because when we are feeling depressed we stop taking care of ourselves.

Are you spending large amounts of time in your pjs, eating ice cream? When you do go out are you drinking more than usual? Are you not sleeping? Have you gotten any kind of exercise in recent memory?

If you have answered yes to any of these questions then you are not alone. I don ‘ t know many women who doesn ‘ t treat emotional issues with ice cream instead of marathons. So, don ‘ t feel bad but do try to make some change.

If you can ‘ t sleep, take some melatonin to help you get some. If you are eating ice cream, try to eat just a little bit less. Try to get off the couch and take a walk.

Taking care of yourself in this rough time is an essential piece of getting over feeling depressed after letting go of love.

#3- Embrace things that bring you joy.

I am someone who struggles with depression every day and one of the key things that I do when I am depressed is make sure that I do things that I know make me happy on good days.

What kind of things? I watch movies. I eat Pad Thai. I have sex. I spend time with my kids.

There is factual evidence that doing things that make you happy, that make you smile, actually help to alleviate depression. The actual act of smiling has been proven to change the chemicals firing in your brain, the ones that are causing the depression.

So, what makes you happy? I know that you are feeling depressed and the idea of doing ANYTHING is too much to bear but get up off the couch and do JUST ONE THING that you enjoy doing. See what happens.

#4 – No stalking.

For some reason, when we are going through a break-up, we can ‘ t resist the temptation to stalk our guy on social media. The temptation to see what he is up to, who he is hanging out with, who he might be seeing is just too much to resist.

When you do it, does it make you feel better? I didn ‘ t think so.

One of the most important parts of getting over feeling depressed after a breakup is to remove yourself completely from anything to do with your ex. Block him on your phone. Disconnect from him on Facebook, Instagram, etc. Don ‘ t talk to your friends about what he is doing.

Instead, pretend like he just doesn ‘ t exist. Pretend that he is a guy you used to know who has disappeared off the face of the earth. The less you think and know about your ex, the easier it will be for you to get over him.

#5 – Don ‘ t give up.

I know. I know. The prospect of getting back into another relationship is the last thing that you want to do. To give of yourself to someone else when you still have love for another person.

And that is fair. But it ‘ s also important that you don ‘ t stop living your life. You only have one life and it ‘ s short.

So, if someone from work invites you out for a drink, do it! Go to the movies with friends. If you are invited to a party, go to it. Put yourself back out in the world and into the path of love. You will meet new people, have new experiences and maybe find yourself another person to call your own.

If you stay home, on the couch, watching The Bachelor, eating ice cream you might feel safe and less vulnerable, but you will also stay depressed because you have stopped living your life and you just won ‘ t feel good about yourself.

Put yourself out there. Live your life. You will be glad you did.

Feeling depressed after a breakup is horrible feeling.

What we want more than anything is to move on and stop the pain NOW.

Unfortunately, it most often isn ‘ t possible because grief, and the depression that accompanies it, is usually the first part of the healing process. Luckily, grief is only the first step and that there is hope for your future.

So, embrace your grief, feel it and release it. Take care of yourself, do things that make you happy, stay off social media and get yourself out there.

When you are ready, sooner than later I hope, you can let go of your love and reach out for a new one – yourself.

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really be struggling with end of a relationship

Let me help get you there, NOW, before the pain overwhelms you.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

 

Can You Let Go Of Love And Still Find Happiness?

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Are you thinking about getting out of a relationship that isn ‘ t serving you and are you wondering if you can let of love and still find happiness?

It ‘ s a scary thing – letting go of someone. You have invested so much time and energy into the relationship and letting go feels like quitting. There is the intense fear that you will never find love again and the prospect of being alone is petrifying.

But I am here to tell you that you can let go of love and still find happiness.

I did.

8 years ago, I got divorced. I was 46 years old and I had been married for 18 years. I was so scared of my unknown future and wondered if I could find happiness. Here is my story.

#1 – No more thousand little cuts.

One of the first things that I discovered after my husband moved out what how much happier I was on a daily basis.

Every day of my marriage involved some kind of misery. Whether it be him having his 3rddrink after dinner and becoming crabby or me jumping on him for leaving his clothes on the floor AGAIN, we were making each other miserable every single day.

Once I was living alone that stopped happening. I would wake up in the morning and go through a day that wasn ‘ t mired with a thousand little cuts. When I crawled into bed I wasn ‘ t angry and bitter but content with how my day had gone.

And, I would get a good night sleep because no one was next to me snoring.

So, at the very least, know that your daily life will improve if you are no longer in a relationship that is making you unhappy.

#2 – No more being a pretzel.

When I was in my miserable relationship I found myself twisting myself into someone who I wasn ‘ t, hoping to make us happier and keep us married. These contortions made me feel inauthentic and damaged my self-esteem.

Have you ever found yourself putting up with behavior that is not okay just to keep the peace? Do you bend over backwards to do things that will make him happy? Have you given up friends in an attempt to save your relationship?

Twisting ourselves into a pretzel for someone else is not a healthy thing. In order to maintain our sense of self-worth it is important that we do things that make us feel good about ourselves and our place in the world.

When my husband was gone, I was free to truly be myself and, man oh man, did that make me happy.

#3 – Living your own authentic life.

When I was married, I was a wife and a mother. My every day was filled with mundane tasks like keeping the house clean and making dinner. I defined myself as such and it kept me from living my own life.

After my divorce all of that changed. I finally had the freedom to do everything that I had always wanted to do.

I went back to school and got certified as a life coach and I started my own life coaching business, making a difference in the world. I volunteered at the National Alliance of Mental Illness, helping people living with mental illness. I worked at a food bank and volunteered at a hospital.

Every day I woke up and my day was what I wanted it be. And as a result, I started feeling really good about myself. No longer was I being the subject of daily pain or struggling with not being myself. My self-esteem went through the roof and I started to realize that I could do whatever I set my mind to.

How good would it feel to have your life be what you want it to be every day?

#4 – Having grand adventures.

One of the best parts of being alone, for me, was the opportunity to have amazing new life experiences, ones that were so different from those I had had during the time I was married.

I climbed Mt Katahdin in Maine and hiked for 15 days in Peru. I take my kids to the Caribbean every year for Christmas and have 5 glorious, cell phone free days with them.

I started dating and had amazing non-marriage sex and met a bunch of great guys, many of whom I am still friends with.

I sold my big house in Vermont and moved into a 200 sq foot apartment in NYC where every day was an adventure.

I was 46 years old and I was authentically living my life again. I felt truly alive and was getting to know myself in a way that I never had before. What a gift.

#5 – Finding true love.

I spent 6 years dating after my divorce. I enjoyed almost every date (but did walk out on one) and had many amazing boyfriends. One took me hiking in Moab. I road-tripped with one to Telluride and with another to help hurricane victims in Louisiana. I capsized a sailboat with one of my favorite guys on Lake Champlain and later test drove $80,000 Audis just for fun.

But, the best guy I met, on Match.com, was a person who has become one of my closest friends and the person who introduced me to the love of my life.

I was brutally unhappy in my marriage but determined to stick it out because I didn ‘ t want to get divorced and, when it ended, I was devastated. But, if it hadn ‘ t ended, I wouldn ‘ t be living the glorious life that I am with a man who loves and values me, who doesn ‘ t cause me little bits of pain every day, who I laugh and have adventures with and who knows who he is and loves who we are.

I want to assure you that, if you can let go of a love that isn ‘ t serving you, you will find love again. I can also promise you that, if you stay with this person who is making you miserable, you definitely won ‘ t.

I hope that my story has answered whether you can you let go of love and still find happiness.

I have this little game I play when standing in line at the grocery store. I look at the faces of the women in line and try to judge, based on their facial expressions, those women who are in an unhappy relationship and those who aren ‘ t. It ‘ s very easy to tell, believe it or not, especially now that I look in the mirror every day and know what a happy woman looks like.

So, believe that you can find happiness if you are strong enough to walk away from a relationship that isn ‘ t serving you. I am living proof and you can be too!

Go for it!

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really be struggling with end of a relationship.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before the pain overwhelms you.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

Feeling Depressed All The Time? How To Know When It’s Time To Get Help

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Are you feeling depressed all the time? Are you not enjoying your life? Do you wish that things could be different?

Are your friends are telling you that it will pass. To snap out of it. But you are wondering if you can? Are you wondering if it ‘ s time to ask for help?

There are ways to tell if seeking help for your depression is the right thing for you.

#1 – Can you get out of bed or off the coach?

How much time do you spend on the couch or in bed? You aren’t necessarily tired but the prospect of getting up is just too daunting to face. So, you stay horizontal all day, watching Netflix and feeling like a loser.

This habit is a significant indicator of depression. People who have been diagnosed with depression tell of the great lengths they go to stay out of bed. Of stripping the sheets, taking the mattress off of the box spring and leaning it against the wall, locking the bedroom door. Whatever it takes to keep them out of bed and wallowing in their depression.

If you are feeling depressed all the time and finding that your bed is your favorite and safest place then it might definitely time to get help.

#2 – Do you still do the things you love?

Have you lost interest in doing the things that you have always loved?

Does the idea of going to school or seeing friends or going out to dinner just seem like too much to bear?

People who are feeling depressed all the isolate themselves. The energy that it takes to get out of bed and interact with others is overwhelming. So, they don’t.

Ironically, going out and doing the things that you love is a great way to alleviate depression temporarily. Unfortunately, the treatment can often seem too daunting to undertake and so people who are depressed just stay home.

If you are isolating yourself then it might definitely be time to seek help.

#3 -Are you feeling hopeless and full of dread?

Do you spend much of your time running all sorts of negative thoughts through your head about how horrible your life is? What a loser you are and how no one will ever love you? Are you 100% confident that this will never change?

People who are depressed believe that all of the negative thoughts that run through their head. Unfortunately, they also believe, falsely, that it will always be this way!

The truth is is that when one is depressed things can only seem hopeless because when one ‘ s mind is in such a bad place it ‘ s impossible to believe that the future will be any different.

The good news is that once the depression is addressed that feeling of hopelessness can disappear completely so perhaps it ‘ s time to get help!

#4 – Are you impatient or quick to anger?

Do you find yourself losing your patience with those you love? Do you scream at your kids if their homework doesn’t get done? Do you sneer at your husband if he asks you what is wrong? Can you not even talk to your mom anymore because her incessant questioning is just too much?

Impatience with those you love is a huge indicator of depression. The sense of the hopelessness that our condition will never change and that we are worthless makes it intolerable for us to interact with others, particularly those who love us and want the best for us.

Ironically, it is that love exactly that we need most in our life when we suffer from depression. Pushing that love away ultimately can make the depression worse.

If you are finding yourself pushing away those you love it ‘ s time to get help.

#5 – Are you eating and sleeping?

Have you found that recently your appetite has changed? Do you find yourself indulging more than usual in Ben and Jerry ‘ s and Oreos? Or do you find that you have no taste for food at all? Have you lost weight and find yourself listless because you aren’t eating?

Are you having trouble sleeping? Do you stay up all night watching TV or roll around in bed thinking about terrible things?

Changes in eating patterns can indicate depression. When depression goes untreated, we can self-medicate with food, often to one extreme or another. Which is not healthy and can make it all worse.

Furthermore, not sleeping will only make your depression worse. Sleep deprivation can have more of an effect on one ‘ s health than anyone else.

If you are struggling with eating and/or sleeping then you are definitely depressed and it might be time to get treated.

Feeling depressed all the time is not good and the longer it goes untreated the worse it can get.

Unfortunately, we hate to admit to being depressed because our loved ones, and society as a whole, tend to stigmatize those with depression.

So, ask yourself if you have any of the symptoms above. If you do, seek professional help immediately. Call your primary care provider and tell her exactly how you have been feeling, using this article as a reference if you like. Treating depression is easy. Living with it is not.

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really be struggling with feeling depressed all the time.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before the pain overwhelms you.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

How To Prevent A Toxic Relationship From Ruining Your Life

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Are you in a toxic relationship? Are you struggling big time and recognizing that this relationship is ruining your life?

Many of us are in toxic relationships, ones we can ‘ t escape, ones that are keeping us from living our full lives, from living and loving and being our best self.

We only have one life to live and we need to make sure that we live it to the fullest, even if we are in a toxic relationship that is holding us back.

How?

#1 – Love yourself.

Many of us who are in toxic relationship believe that we are not worthy and are full of self-hatred.

Years of being berated by our partner, told that we are worthless and stupid and total losers, has taken a huge toll on our self-esteem. Furthermore, we know that we have stayed in this relationship, even though we are being abused, and that erodes our self-confidence even more.

It is important that, if we are in a toxic relationship that is ruining our life, we make an effort to love ourselves. That we set goals for ourselves and stick to them. That we take care of ourselves, getting exercise and eating right. That we practice self-care – whether it be a massage or a walk in the woods.

Most importantly, it is essential that we spend time with people who love us. Who remind us about how wonderful we really are. Who support us in every way and help us navigate the world no matter what.

If you are stuck in a toxic relationship, make an effort to love yourself every day. You deserve it.

#2 – Don ‘ t take all the blame.

I know that you have been told over and over that everything that is wrong in your relationship is all your fault. I know that you believe that if you were only more patient or gave them more sex or made them happier everything would be fine.

Let me tell you that this just isn ‘ t true. There are two people in every relationship so, yes, you shoulder some of the blame but it ‘ s definitely not all on you, no matter what you have been told.

Managing self-blame, recognizing that it is a false premise, will help you to love yourself and make you stronger in a relationship. It will allow you to take some power back so that you can not only survive but thrive as you live your life.

#3 – Get help.

Many of us who are struggling in toxic relationships are ashamed and, therefore, go it alone. Even if we are aware that we need help, we hesitate to reach out for it because of our shame and self-blame. We fear being judged and we don ‘ t see what kind of help could make a difference.

Asking for help is the best way to survive a toxic relationship before it ruins your life. Even though we women are strong, even the strongest of us need help when we are feeling desperate.

So, reach out to someone who can help and support you. Your priest, your doctor, your psychiatrist, your life coach, your lawyer or your family. Get help understanding what your options are as far as this relationship – what you need to do to keep your life together in spite of the pain.

#4 – Leave.

You are probably scoffing at me right now. Yeah, right you are thinking. And I get that.

I know that it seems like you could never leave this relationship. That you still love this person. That you have put so much time into it that walking away seems stupid. That you don ‘ t believe in giving up and want to keep trying. Whatever the reasons are, leaving seems untenable.

Leaving is ALWAYS an option. Your life is short, too short to waste in a relationship that is making you unhappy.

If physical fear is holding you back, there are groups out there that can help you escape from your toxic relationship. If fear about what the future holds is what is keeping you stuck, consider what would be better – the ways things are now or how things could be if you were free.

There are always options for women stuck in toxic relationships. Seek out the help you need to make it happen.

#5 – Have hope.

I know that right now you are feeling trapped. That your every day is filled with unhappiness and, perhaps, fear. You wonder if you can ever leave this relationship, ever be happy again.

I am here to tell you that it is more than possible to find happiness in your life. That you too can feel good about yourself, find a love that will make you happy and live the life that you have always wanted.

I have this game I play. I look at women in line at the grocery store and try to figure out which of them are single and which are in an unhappy relationship. I can always tell the difference. Women who are in toxic relationships seems to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. They look grim and gray and unhappy. They are living with a toxic relationship and it is sucking the life out of them.

When you look at women who are single, who have escaped a relationship that makes them unhappy, you see an air about them of lightness and peace. Even though they are alone, for now, they know that life is theirs for the taking.

And women who carry a lightness and peace, who are self-confident after taking the steps to leave a relationship that doesn ‘ t feed them, who have let go of self-blame and have people to support them, are women who will find love and happiness. Love and happiness that will help them live the life they have always wanted.

Being in a toxic relationship can destroy your life.

Women who are unhappy can struggle at work, aren ‘ t the best mothers they can be, lose friends and have trouble with their mental and physical health.

If you are in a toxic relationship, work hard to love yourself, work to let go of self-blame, get help, around leaving if you need it, and have faith that you can be happy. That you can find a love that feeds you and that you can live your very best life.

You can do it! I know it ‘ ¦

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really be struggling with surviving a toxic marriage.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before the pain overwhelms you.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

How to Move On After Letting Go of Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back

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Are you struggling after letting go of someone who doesn ‘ t love you back?

Have you walked away from someone you loved because you know they don ‘ t love you?

Do you know that you did the right thing but are you still struggling with the pain and self doubt? I get it.

I have been there. Let me help you get through it.

#1 – Check your story.

8 years ago, my husband walked out on me for his college girlfriend. We had been married for 20 years and I was devastated. I raged on about how he could do this to me, to our children? I was angry and sad and out for revenge.

And then a friend gently reminded me that my story was perhaps a little bit off track. Yes, he had walked out on me and that was completely unacceptable. BUT we had been really, really unhappy for a long time. Our kids were headed off to school and neither one of us knew if we were ready to reconnect. It was entirely possible that we would have ended up divorced anyway.

Keeping this in mind, that I wasn ‘ t a victim but a partner in a marriage that had slowly fallen apart, helped me to accept the end of our relationship. The leaving me for someone else without even trying piece of it still stings but the truth is that our marriage was most likely doomed and I am way better off. He is her problem now.

#2 – Take inventory.

One of the first thing I tell all of my clients when they have to walk away from someone they love is to make a list – a list of all of the reasons that they need to walk away from that person.

When we spend time with someone, we are regularly exposed to those things that remind us that we need to walk away. When we finally get away from that person, those things tend to recede into our memory. They get replaced in the forefront of our mind with the good things, the good times, all the things that we loved about that person. And, with the good things at the front of our minds, we are vulnerable to returning to the relationship that is causing us pain.

So, make a list. Make a list of everything that you can think of that is making you walk away from the person that you love. Keep that list close and refer to it when you are missing him.

You left this relationship for a reason. Keep those reasons in mind daily going forward.

#3 – No contact. None.

I know that we all think that we need ‘ closure ‘ at the end of a relationship, that final conversation where everyone gets to say what they want to say and you understand each other and walk away as friends.

I am here to tell you that closure is a myth. What closure really is is one last chance to spend time with and talk to that person you still love.

Because really, if you could have a conversation and finally understand each other why couldn ‘ t you make it work as a couple?

So, when you have decided that the relationship is over cut him off. Block him on your phone, disconnect on social media, stay away from places where you know he will be.

Why? Because what you need to do is break the addiction you have to this person, to change your habits.

Think about Oreo cookies. You know how hard it is to eat just one? It ‘ s the same with your man. Even one point of contact can draw you back into his circle, the circle that you have decided that you are determined to break yourself out of.

So, gono contact right away. It will make the process way easier!

#4 – Do THAT thing.

Another thing to do with all of that free time is to start doing something that you have always wanted to do. Don ‘ t sit around feeling sorry for your empty space – do something with it.

A client of mine broke up with a man she loved desperately but who couldn ‘ t commit to her. She was devastated.

I asked her to name a few things that she had always wanted to do. One of the things that she came up with was writing. In this day and age, it is quite possible to write and get what you write out to the masses without going through the process of publishing a book or getting a magazine to publish your article. You can simply write a blog and post it to a variety of platforms available online.

My client started writing about her broken heart, what happened, her insights about what she could have done differently, the way she felt with him gone from her life. It was hard work for her, emotionally, but soon she started to get a following. Other women who were going through the same things appreciated her written words and started commenting on her articles. As a result, she built a small community of women who supported each other through the rough times.

What is it that you have always wanted to do? Pick one thing and start doing it. You have the time. Life is short. Don ‘ t waste it!

#5 – Comfort yourself.

When your heart is broken and you feel like your life is over, one of the best things that you can do is self-care. Your body and your spirit may feel broken but some nurturing will help them heal.

When my husband left me, I was left devastated and alone. My house was empty, my kids were gone and my husband no longer came home at the end of the day. My days were endless and I didn ‘ t know how I was going to survive being alone.

One day, a Groupon appeared in my inbox from Massage Envy, offering a 60 minute massage for $40. I had nothing to do so I bought the Groupon and I made an appointment for a massage. That massage was one of the best hours of my life. I was in a warm room, on a cozy table and I had a lovely woman attending to my aches and pains, making me feel loved and cared for.

I realized that day, when I am emerged from the spa feeling rejuvenated and alive, that doing things that comforted me was what I would need to help me moving forward. From that day on, I would spend some time every day doing things to take care of myself. I did yoga, went for walks, spent time antiquing with girlfriends and drank whiskey by the fire on cold winter nights.

By nurturing myself, by loving myself, I was able to get the strength that I needed to let go of the loss of my marriage.

#6 – Believe your love is out there for you.

I find this to be the number one obstacle to my clients breaking up with someone who doesn ‘ t love them – believing they will never find love again.

Almost without exception, people who are in relationships that aren ‘ t making them happy don ‘ t leave because they believe that there will never be another person for them. That, if they break up with this person, they will be alone forever!

But that just isn ‘ t true. There are many, many fish in the sea and there is one for you.

Of course, if you never have a chance to go fishing, because you are still with this idiot who doesn ‘ t love you, then you, won ‘ t find that person. But if you can be brave enough to act, and break up with said idiot, then you will be setting yourself up for finding the love of your life.

Moving on after letting go of someone who doesn ‘ t love you back is a very hard thing to do.

You still love them but you know that you must let them go because of the pain they are causing you. It will be difficult but it is possible!

Make sure that your break up story is a true one, take stock of why are you leaving him for future reference, cut him off, do something amazing, take care of yourself and believe. I can promise you that your guy is out there! You will find him if you can let go of this guy and find yourself again!

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really be struggling with letting go of someone who doesn’t love you back.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before the pain overwhelms you.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

The Difference Between Letting Go of Someone and Giving Up

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I can ‘ t tell you how many of my clients tell me that letting go of someone is impossible because they don ‘ t want to give up.

They believe that if they can just keep trying, the person they love will finally be the person they want them to be and they will live happily ever after.

From a young age, we are told to never give up and, to a degree, this is good advice. BUT when it comes to relationships it is not necessarily so.

Why?

#1 – You are not the only one involved.

When you are set on finding a job, or finishing a race or losing ten pounds, the person in charge of the outcome is you and only you. It is up to you to set a goal to and reach it no matter what obstacles get in your way.

When you are in a relationship that is troubled, there are two people there. And, while you can absolutely be in charge of your actions and your reactions, you can ‘ t control those of your partner.

Perhaps you decide to take special care to look nice and be kind but your person still treats you like you are ugly and says horrible things to you. Or perhaps you decide that you will be supportive of him no matter how bad his decisions are and still his bad decisions affect your life every day.

OR, perhaps your person is trying to change his behavior but the change that he is making isn ‘ t working for you or perhaps it ‘ s not what you want. As a result, the relationship isn ‘ t getting any healthier.

So, remember, when you are chiding yourself for ‘ ˜giving up, ‘ don ‘ t! There are two of you in this relationship and both of you need to try to make it work.

#2 – You aren ‘ t a superhero.

Yes, we have been told that we must never give up. But sometimes, it ‘ s time to do just that.

For many of my clients, their relationships have gotten so bad that their physical and mental health are being affected. They are doing everything that they can do to save their relationship but their efforts are failing and the relationship is doomed.

In spite of their Herculean efforts, they just can ‘ t make it work.

Recognize this about yourself. Have you done everything conceivable to try to save your relationship but are you still hitting a brick wall? If so, recognize that there are some things that you just can ‘ t change, no matter how hard you try.

Letting go of someone might be exactly what you need to do!

3 – Is it just an excuse?

I ask this of many of my clients – ‘ ˜Are you telling me that you don ‘ t want to give up because you just don ‘ t want let go? ‘

Letting go of someone is a very difficult thing to do. We are scared of the pain that we know we will feel when we break up and we are scared that we will never be loved again. As a result, we make every excuse in the world, including one that makes us sound strong, to stay in the relationship.

So, ask yourself – are you really worried about ‘ ˜giving up ‘ or is it a reason to stay, even if you aren ‘ t happy? Letting go of someone is hard but not impossible.

4 – Would it be so bad?

Ok, so think about climbing a mountain.

You can see the top, and you are dying to get there, but a mile or so back you twisted your ankle and it ‘ s getting more and more swollen. The pain is awful and you aren ‘ t sure you can go another step.

What do you do? Do you keep going even though you know if you do you might not be able to hike down? Or do you turn back, knowing that it ‘ s the best thing for your mental and physical health?

It ‘ s the same with relationships. If your relationship is causing you mental and physical harm, perhaps it ‘ s just time to let go. Let go so that you can be healthy and happy and functional in the world.

Sometimes, letting go of someone, ‘ ˜giving up, ‘ is the healthiest, strongest choice you can make!

Letting go of someone you love is one of the hardest things to do in the world to do.

The fear of the pain that you might feel is just too much to bear.

But letting go is not the same as giving up.

Remember, there are two of you in this relationship, you can ‘ t fix everything yourself, you might be using ‘ ˜giving up ‘ as an excuse and, really, at the end of the day, would ‘ ˜giving up ‘ be so bad? If you have someone who you need to let go of, do so.

Giving up someone who is causing you pain is a sign of strength, not of weakness!

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really be struggling with letting go of someone.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before you get even more stuck.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

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