5 Life Saving Ways of Letting Go of Someone Who Doesn’t Love You So That You Can Be Happy

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Are you thinking about letting go of someone who doesn ‘ t love you?

Have you been hoping that your situation would change and that he would start loving you and that you would live happily ever after?

First of all, let me say that I am SO SORRY that you have to go through this. There is nothing worse than a broken heart. But let me also say GOOD FOR YOU for recognizing the truth and making this big move.

There is someone out there for you and by letting go of the person you are with now you will be able to find him.

But for now, let ‘ s talk about how to let go of someone who doesn ‘ t love you.

#1 – Ask yourself how determined you are to do this.

Before you begin any life changing process you must ask yourself how determined you are to actually do it. On a scale of 1-10 how close to a 10 are you? Because withoutsteadfast determinationyou will not be able to accomplish something as challenging as getting past a lost love.

So are you ready to do this? Is there any part of you that is holding on to the possibility that things could work out? Do you feel like you aren ‘ t strong enough to do this yet?

If the answer to any of these questions is ayesthen perhaps you should wait a bit longer before you begin this process. Time is a great healer and with some time you will get stronger and be ready to take on this challenging task.

#2 – Make three lists and refer to them often.

List #1: How do you know that he doesn ‘ t love you?

There are reasons why you feel like he doesn ‘ t love you.

Perhaps he no longer makes an effort to spend time with you. Or he doesn ‘ t return your text messages. Or when you are going to bed he just rolls over and turns off the light without kissing you.

Or perhaps he tells you that he doesn ‘ t like or respect you, even as he lets you buy him that new bike or a fancy meal.

You know what I am talking about. Those things in your gut that are telling you that this relationship is wrong. Those things you are ignoring ‘ ¦

List #2: What are you kidding yourself about?

Are there some things that you are doing to talk yourself out of the fact that he doesn ‘ t love you?

Do you think that if you just do this ONE thing he will start loving you again? Or perhaps you wonder how could he not love you because you know you are awesome?

I have a client who just doesn ‘ t get that her man doesn ‘ t love her. He isn ‘ t brave enough to break up with her and just treats her badly. She truly believes that he should love her and that if she just holds on long enough he will know that too. And every day she debases herself by doing his bidding and, surprise, he still doesn ‘ t love her.

Take a true accounting of those things that you are doing to justify staying in this relationship and take a good hard look at them. Without understanding them, you won ‘ t be able to let him go.

List #3: What do you want in a relationship?

If you don ‘ t know what you want in a relationship then you will most definitely be more likely to stay in one that isn ‘ t serving you.

Take some time and write down what you want in a relationship. Most likely you will find that what is important to you isn ‘ t present in your current relationship.

Once you have made your lists, refer to them often.

When we are in the midst of emotional turmoil our brains get cloudy and we can ‘ t think clearly. If you have lists in front of you, lists that can remind you of why you have to break up with this person, you will be able to stay steadfast in your determination to get it done!

#3 – Cut him off.

I know that we all think that we need ‘ closure ‘ at the end of a relationship, that final conversation where everyone gets to say what they want to say and you understand each other and walk away as friends.

I am here to tell you that closure is a myth. What closure really is is one last chance to spend time with and talk to that person you still love. Because really, if you could have a conversation and finally understand each other why couldn ‘ t you make it work as a couple?

So when you have decided that the relationship is over cut him off. Block him on your phone, disconnect on social media, stay away from places where you know he will be.

Why? Because what you need to do is break the addiction you have to this person, to change your habits.

Think about Oreo cookies. You know how hard it is to eat just one? It ‘ s the same with your man. Even one point of contact can draw you back into his circle, the circle that you have decided that you are determined to break yourself out of.

So gono contactright away. It will make the process way easier!

#4 – Believe that you will find another love.

I find this to be the number one obstacle to my clients breaking up with someone who doesn ‘ t love them.

Almost without exception, people who are in relationships that aren ‘ t making them happy don ‘ t try to get out of them because they believe that there will never be another person for them. That if they break up with this person they will be alone forever!

But that just isn ‘ t true. There are many, many fish in the sea and there is one for you.

Of course, if you never have a chance to go fishing, because you are still with this idiot who doesn ‘ t love you then you, won ‘ t find that person. But if you can be brave enough to act, and break up with the idiot, then you will be setting yourself up for finding the love of your life.

A client of mine was in a horrible relationship, one that made her feel horrible about herself. She kept on breaking up with up with her guy and then taking him back. And then one day, after another break up, she was invited to a dance party. At that dance party, which she never would have gone to if she had still been dating bozo guy, she met the love of her life. How awesome is that!

#5 – Get back out there!

I know that right now you feel like you might never love again but putting yourself back out there doesn ‘ t mean you have to fall in love. Putting yourself back out there means that you get dressed up and flirt and date and have a lot of fun. And you will, you WILL, find another love but in the meantime you can enjoy yourself and the freedom that you have as a single girl. Embrace it!

Letting go of someone who doesn ‘ t love you is an incredibly hard thing to do.

You are holding onto the feelings that you had for each other in the beginning, the feelings of excitement about the future that you shared. You want them to come back and for him to love you and that all will be fine.

But you know, in your gut, that that isn ‘ t going to happen. So TAKE ACTION.

Get determined, identify exactly why you are breaking up, cut off all contact with him, believe that your next love is out there and then get out there and find him.

The next short period of time will be painful. Saying goodbye to someone always is. But once you are through it life will go on and you will be in a place to find that guy who will love you, forever.

And you will be happy!

How great would it feel to work through this pain and move on, quickly?

I have created a course, 4 Weeks to Letting Go of Love and Moving On

that will help you do exactly that!

Check it out here!

 

9 Ways To Organize Your Life When You Have ADD

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Are you looking for ways to organize your life when you have ADD?

Living with ADD can be incredibly difficult but it IS POSSIBLE to live with ADD and be successful and happy and organized.

My daughter just graduated from NYU ‘ s prestigious Tisch School of Arts with a degree in film. She hasstruggled with ADD her whole life. She couldn ‘ t stay focused in school, had a rough time keeping friends, and was prone to bouts of depression and anxiety. She is now a film maker, a production designer and a writer of screenplays and she is the go-to person for all of her many friends. She still wrestles with her ADD but it does not get the best of her.

I asked her how it was that she was able to manage her ADD to get what she wanted in her life. Here is what she told me.

#1 – Do what you love.

She says that first and foremost she is successful because she is doing what she loves and that she is super ambitious to succeed.

She says that if she didn ‘ t have a passion for her work it would have been way easier to succumb to letting go of her life, to getting overwhelmed by the piles and to being defeated because everyone seems to manage so much better than she does.

In fact, happiness and joy in adults leads to positive emotions like optimism, the ability to reach out to others, a feeling of being at least somewhat in control of your life, and a can-do attitude coupled with a want-to attitude.

So make sure that you are pursuing something that you hare passionate about. Your passion will drive you forward.

#2 – Be positive.

An important part of getting yourself organized when living with ADD is to believe that you can.

When it seems that everyone else around you can manage things so much better than you it is daunting to believe that you can ever live successfully. But you CAN.

My daughter did it and so can you!

#3 – Get yourself organized enough.

No matter how many websites you visit that promise to teach you how to be organized, you most likely will never have the picture perfect filing system that you see on Pinterest.

What you CAN have is an organizing system that works well enough for you.

What do you most need to keep track of?

  • Your keys? Put a basket by the door and leave your keys there when you get home.
  • Your trash? Buy lots of wastebaskets and put them everywhere and USE THEM.
  • Your piles? Build some time into every day to attack your piles to keep them from getting too big.
  • Remembering things? Keep a running list, in a bound notebook, of things that need to get done. (No loose pieces of paper) Also, leave visual reminders around the house – think Post-it notes on the mirror, fridge and back door.

Create a few systems that work for YOU – to manage the things that you need to manage.

#4 – Be willing to ask for help.

People with ADD are notoriously bad at asking for help. They really want to be able to do everything themselves and the prospect of asking for help seems like failure to them.

But there are some things that you just can ‘ t do by yourself and it ‘ s okay to find someone who can help you with them or who can do them for you.

My daughter, the filmmaker, found that she had a really hard time managing all of the details around making her films. Her best friend, however, thrives on details. So they work together, as director and producer, and the films get made with less emotional wear and tear on my daughter.

Who do you need to help you? A housekeeper? A financial manager? A personal assistant? Figure it out (or ask someone to help you figure it out) and get some help.

If finances limit your ability to get help, consider bartering. There are things that you are good at, things that others aren ‘ t, so offer a trade. You will both win in the end!

#5 – Take care of yourself.

Taking care of yourself is an essential part of managing ADD. Sleep, exercise and diet can make a huge difference in living successfully.

Specifically, it is important that someone with ADD get enough sleep. Enough sleep will allow your brain to function at it ‘ s optimum level.

Get 30 minutes of exercise every day, ideally exercise that raises your heart beat. Exercise produces chemicals that allow your brain to think clearer.

Eating well is also important. Make sure that you have a varied diet, big on protein and vegetables, foods that feed your brain and help it function. Taking an Omega 3 supplement daily has also been shown to help with improved brain clarity.

If you are going to do only one thing on this list, taking care of yourself is IT. So make sure you do so. Start TODAY!

#6 – Consider medication.

80% of people with ADD respond well to medication so definitely consider them as a part of your management protocol.

There are many different kinds of ADD meds so consult with your primary care doctor about what might be right for you.

#7 – Surround yourself with positive people.

People with ADD often struggle with depression because living with ADD can be very difficult and disheartening.

To that end, people with ADD can tend to isolate and really that ‘ s the worst thing that you can do.

It is important that people with ADD surround themselves with positive supportive people, people who love and embrace you in spite of your difficulties. Being with people who don ‘ t get you and who might look down on you is not what you want to be doing.

It is also essential that you have one person in your life who you trust completely and who you will LISTEN TO. Someone who knows you and who you can rely on to tell you the truth when they see something that is going on. People with ADD and depression sometimes miss when things go awry. Having someone there who notices, and tells you, is key.

#8 – Exercise your brain.

People with ADD have brains that can sometimes wander off without them, leaving them frustrated and feeling alone.

It is possible to take control of your brain, to teach it to behave in a way that serves you best.

Some good ways to gain some control over that wandering brain of yours:

  • Yoga – yoga helps you use the breath to manage your thoughts.
  • Meditation – meditation also helps you manage your thoughts and gives you increased control over how your brain processes work.
  • Cognitive Behavioral therapy – a sort of therapy that again helps you manage your thoughts and your brain functionality.
  • Positive thinking – focusing on the positive instead of the negative is a key part of living successfully with ADD. Focus on what ‘ s RIGHT in your life instead of what’s WRONG.
  • Accepting yourself – know that this is who you are and that it ‘ s just fine. It ‘ s more than fine, actually!

#9 – Reduce electronics.

I know you don ‘ t want to hear this one but it ‘ s gotta be said.

Our increasing use of electronics, and our using multiple electronic devices at the same time, is making it so that our brains are having a harder and harder time focusing.

I watch my daughter as she tries to work. No sooner does she settle in when an alert goes off on her phone. She picks it up to attend to it and then gets back to work. For about 20 seconds. And then her phone goes off again.

And THEN, something comes across her Facebook page that needs to be dealt with immediately and before she knows it an hour has passed with no work done.

SO, if you need to get some stuff done PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY. It doesn ‘ t have to be forever. Set your timer for a set period of time (perhaps an hour) and focus on what has to be done for that period of time. When the timer goes off you can tend to your phone again.

Trying to organize your life when you have ADD can be very challenging but it ‘ s not impossible.

Many, many people live successfully with ADD. Will Smith, Justin Timberlake, Jim Carrey, billionaire Richard Branson, Solange Knowles and Michael Phelps all have found great success living with ADD. You can too!

So find your passion, believe in yourself, surround yourself with good people and ask for help. Exercise and nourish both your body and your mind.

Next month my daughter has the first staging of a play that she is directing. I think back often to 2nd grade when her teacher wouldn ‘ t even show me her workbooks because she was such a mess. She, and I, have learned since then that while her brain isn ‘ t so great with workbooks it can easily see just how to pull together people and ideas to create an amazing work of art.

You can too! Go for it!

Quiz: Why Am I Feeling Depressed (& What Can I Do About It)?

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Are you seeking a really goodWhy Am I Feeling Depressedquiz?

Are you struggling with feelings of sadness, anger, worthlessness, fear, hopelessness and/or anxiety?

Do you want to figure out what is going on and try to FIX IT?

Let me help!

Here are a few questions to ask yourself if you are trying to figure out why you are depressed.

#1 – Are you unhappy with your work situation?

Work is a central part of our life, a place where we spend most of our time and it is often the source of our feelings of self worth. If you are unhappy at work, at the prospect of getting up in the morning to go to a job you don ‘ t like and then spending the day miserable, it can certainly lead to depression.

If you are unhappy at work it could be a cause of your depression. And if it is, then it’s time to make the choice to try to improve the situation at work or to find yourself a new job. Changing your work situation could help you with your depression.

#2 – Do you have a personal relationship that is unhealthy?

Is your romantic life making you unhappy? Do you have a friendship that is in trouble? Do you struggle with your mother-in-law around family activities? Do you have some kind of personal relationship that isn ‘ t working right now?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then it is possible that you are depressed because these relationships are in trouble. Interpersonal relationships are an essential part of our happiness and when there are difficulties it can definitely bring us down.

If you have an unhealthy personal relationship in your life then it could be why you are depressed. Take action to fix that relationship as soon as you can. See a marriage counselor, make nice with your mother-in-law, take a walk with your friend to work things out. Talk to a life coach. Fixing your relationships could help fix your depression.

#3 – Do you have a ton of stress in your life?

Are your days long and full of craziness? Are you under pressure to get a project completed by a certain deadline? Do you just not have enough hours in the day to get everything done?

If the answer to any of the questions above is yes then your depression could be caused by stress.

Stress is very hard on our bodies and our minds. It taxes the adrenal glands which can make us physically and mentally weaker. And when we are weaker we can get overwhelmed and depressed.

If you are depressed because you have lots of stress in your life take steps to manage it. Go for a walk, do some yoga, delegate at work, get a housekeeper, go out with friends. Whatever it takes for you to alleviate some of that stress.

#4 – Have you been taking care of yourself?

We all have such great intentions but we often struggle with taking care of ourselves.

We overeat, or what we eat is unhealthy. Or we don ‘ t eat enough and our blood sugar gets low. Or we stay up too late binging on TV or we lounge around in bed in the morning longer than we should. We try to exercise but we don ‘ t and we beat ourselves up about it.

If you aren ‘ t taking care of yourself this could be the cause of your depression. It has been proven that irregular sleep patterns can cause depression and so can a poor diet. And exercise produces endorphins which make you feel good. No exercise means no endorphins which can lead to feelings of sadness.

So, if you aren ‘ t taking care of yourself it could be why you are feeling depressed. Take steps right now to fix your diet, get some exercise and develop healthy sleep habits.

#5 – Are you struggling with your finances?

Do you have enough money to live the way you want to live? Are you in debt, debt that you don ‘ t see how you could possibly pay off? Do you have a partner who spends to excess and you don ‘ t know what to do?

If the answer to any of the above questions is yes then it is possible that your financial struggles are causing your depression. Take steps immediately to figure out how to deal with your finances. Take on a second job if you have to. Talk to a bank that can help you make a plan to take care of your debt. Explain to your spouse that the money is running out. Whatever you need to do to eliminate the financial stress from your life.

#6 – Do you drink to excess or do drugs?

Many people drink to excess or do drugs because of their feelings of sadness and anxiety. Unfortunately, doing drugs and drinking to excess will only exacerbate feelings of depression.

Drinking can make you feel good in the moment but the morning after, with the hangover and the regrets, any depression that might have been lurking nearby will settle right in to stay. The same thing with drugs. Drugs will alter your chemistry enough that they can do a real number on your feelings.

So, if you are drinking to excess or doing drugs, make an effort to stop, or curtail, your behavior immediately. Both of those things will only make your depression worse.

#7 – Have you recently suffered from some sort of traumatic event?

Has some kind of traumatic event taken place in your life recently? Have you lost your job? Did your dog die? Are you going through a divorce?

I know that when I was nursing my mother as she died of pancreatic cancer I got desperately depressed. The day in day out demands of dealing with a sick woman and the reality that my mother was going to die made my life a truly miserable place.

So if you have recently been through a traumatic event it is possible that it is causing your depression. Seek help from a therapist immediately, one who can help you process your feelings and get you back on track.

#8 – Is there a history of depression in your family?

Is there a history of depression in your family? Was your grandmother an angry woman who could never be pleased? Did your mother spend lots of time in her bed crying when you were a child? Does your sister take medication for anxiety?

If there is any history of mood disorders in your family then it is very possible that it is the cause of your depression.

There are two kinds of depression: situational depression, caused by situations, as described in the questions above. And then there is chemical depression, depression that is caused by body chemistry being off balance.

Chemical depression is highly genetic so if you have seen signs of depression in your family it is possible that this is the cause of your depression. Call your primary care doctor right away to get an appointment to discuss your treatment options.

#9 – Is there nothing wrong with your life but you are still feeling depressed?

Is there nothing wrong in your life? Are you happy with your job, your relationships, your finances? Do you not overindulge and take care of yourself? Have you not recently suffered a traumatic event?

If there is nothing wrong in your life but you are still depressed then it ‘ s possible that you are suffering from chemical depression. Call your PCP right away to discuss treatment options.

#10 – Do you feel depressed and then feel better and then feel depressed again?

Do you find that you wake up in the morning depressed and then as your day gets going you start to feel better? And then, sometime later, do you start to feel depressed again?

Or perhaps you are depressed for a day and then you feel fine for a week and then you get depressed again for no reason?

If you depression comes and goes for no reason then it ‘ s possible that you are suffering from chemical depression. Call your PCP right away to discuss treatment options.

Depression can present itself in many forms and understanding from where your depression stems is a key part of managing it.

If your depression is caused by something happening in your life, like your relationships or your finances or your health, then taking steps to make changes could help you get rid of it.

If, however, your depression seems to be the result of something other than circumstance in your life then it ‘ s important to get the help of a professional.

Depression is serious and the longer it goes ignored or untreated the worse it will get.

So think about your answers to these questions and take steps immediately to make change.

Talk to a friend, a mentor, a parent, a therapist or a life coach to help you make the positive change that needs to happen so that you are no longer depressed.

You can do it! Wouldn ‘ t it feel great to not feel the way you are feeling today.

How To Have Career Success Without A Real Job

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Are you wondering if it ‘ s possible to have career success without a real job?

Do you not want to be tied down to a 9-5 job? Would you like to do things the way that you want to do them so that you can live the life that you want to live?

I can tell you that it IS POSSIBLE.

I don ‘ t have a traditional real job. I work from home, have a flexible schedule, attend no meetings and report to no one except for myself. I don ‘ t make a ton of money but I make enough money for now.

Do I define myself as having ‘ ˜career success ‘ ? Yes I do. And I love it!

So, if you are looking to have career success without a real job it is possible but there are some things you have to consider in order to get it.

#1 – Identify what ‘ ˜career success ‘ means to you.

There is simply no way to achieve career success if you don ‘ t know what career success means to you.

For me, career success is defined by having a solid client base and that my clients reach their dreams. It ‘ s having a flexible schedule. It means by getting my blogs published and syndicated. It ‘ s about making enough money to live the simple life that I live and being able to help my kids.

What does career success mean for you?

Does it mean going into an office every day and begin part of a team and receiving recognition? Does it mean that you make a lot of money? Does it involve helping people? Does it give you a flexible schedule? Does it mean that other people perceive you as successful?

Defining what career success means to you is an essential part of achieving it because you can never do so if you don ‘ t know what success means to you.

If you believe that career success means being part of an office, working as part of a team and getting annual raises and bonuses then you probably will never feel like you have achieved career success if you don’t have areal job.

If, however, you will feel like you have achieved career success by making your own schedule, doing something that you are passionate about and knowing that you might not ever make a ton of money, then YES it is possible that you can have career success without a real job.

#2 – Identify what you are passionate about.

Once you have decided what success looks like to you and you have decided that it is possible for you to feel good about your career success without a real job, then it ‘ s time to decide what it is you want to do with your life.

Ask yourself what you are passionate about. If your career involves something that you are passionate about then success is way more likely. I am passionate about helping people. That has helped me, big time, in making my business what I want it to be.

Perhaps you love dogs and spending time with them makes you really happy. So what kind of work can you do around dogs?

Here in NYC dog walkers are everywhere. The one I know charges $20 per dog per day and walks up to 20 dogs over the course of 10 hours, 4 days a week. That ‘ s $400 per day, much of it under the table. My friend is very happy with his life because he gets to be with dogs, not have to get up at the crack of dawn and he makes enough money to live the way he wants to live.

So what is your passion? If you want to have career success without a real job, focusing on your passion will make it all the more likely to come true.

#3 – Stay connected to how you are feeling about your career choice.

For many of us, career success evolves over time. What was important to us in our youth might change as we get older.

I have a friend who taught skiing after college. He was passionate about skiing and was able to make enough money to live doing what he wanted to do.

And then he got married and had a child. That changed everything for him. Because he could no longer make the money that he needed to support himself and his family, he no longer thought of himself as successful. And he wanted to change that.

So my friend went back to school and then got a real job – a job in an area that he was passionate about but a real job nonetheless.

For him, even though he transitioned to a real job, he could still define himself as successful in his career.

For me, I could never go back to punching a time clock. Working on my own is a part of who I am now and, even if I would LIKE to be making a bit more money, the fact that I have a roster of steady clients and that my last article was picked up by the Huffington Post, allows me to sincerely feel like I have achieved career success. If I need more money in the future I will branch out from the work I do today but I will never again have a real job.

Having career success without a ‘ ˜real job ‘ is possible, especially in this world that we live in.

No more are 9-5 jobs the norm. Opportunities to work from home or work flexible schedules or have a variety of smaller jobs to pay the bills are part of the current fabric of our working lives.

It is essential, however, for you to define what career success is for you. If you don ‘ t know what it is then it will be impossible for you to achieve it.

Also, follow your passions and stay connected to how your career is working for you. Your definition of career success might change over time and you want to notice if it does.

So what does career success mean to you? Ask yourself that question right now! And let me know ‘ ¦

I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published inThe Huffington Post,Prevention Magazine,The Good Man Project,among others. I works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live.

Let me help you! Contact me here or email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com.

7 Things To Do When You Feel Too Overwhelmed To Think Straight

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You know those days when you feel too overwhelmed to think straight?

Those days when everyone and everything is demanding so much from you that you really don ‘ t think that you can take it anymore. Those days where it feels like your head is going to explode.

Let me help you manage the overwhelm. It IS POSSIBLE. It just takes some awareness and action.

#1 – Take deep breaths.

When we are stressed out, the first thing that we do is we stop breathing. Well, not literally stop breathing, because then we would die. But we do unconsciously hold our breath because of increased tension in the muscles used for breathing.

When you are feeling overwhelmed remember to breathe. Deep breaths into your belly in for 3 seconds and out for 3 seconds. Put your hand over your belly so that you can feel it filling up with air. Do this over and over until you feel a little calmer. Repeat throughout the day as necessary.

It will help you A LOT. I promise.

#2 – Go for a walk.

If it ‘ s at all possible, take some time to go for a walk. There isn ‘ t a woman I know who doesn’t say that her stress levels are always greatly reduced after a walk.

The thing about walking is that it kills two bird with one stone.

Walking encourages deep breathing which calms you down quickly.Also, for some reason, the motion of walking encourages clearer thinking. The rhythm of the stride and the increased oxygen intake can make something that was extremely overwhelming just 20 minutes earlier much easier to manage.

#3 – Identify what is causing the overwhelm.

One of the reasons it’s hard to think straight when you feel overwhelmed is that you don’t understand what is specifically overwhelming you.

A client of mine was SO overwhelmed with her life. She found that she had no energy to get anything done, she yelled a lot at her kids and she could barely stand being around her husband.

She figured that she was just too stressed out by her day-to-day living and she came to me to help her get more organized.

We talked for a bit and I came to learn that they have 3 new dogs in the house. 3 new dogs. And they were, you guessed it, causing the overwhelm, not her lack of organization.

Once we knew what was the cause we were able to find a solution.

#4 – Share your stress.

Sharing your stress with another person is a key part of dealing with it.

They say that what is kept inside the head is 4x more intense than what is spoken. Also, if you share your overwhelm you might learn something that will help you manage it. We all have things that work for us and sharing them with others can be very helpful.

If you have someone you can talk with about your overwhelm then absolutely do it. Be it a therapist, a life coach, a friend or a partner, let those overwhelming thoughts out of your head and into the world.

From there they have a reduced power and are easier to deal with.

#5 – Write it out.

Do you journal? Or write letters to yourself? Or scribble notes on post-its? If you do, great! If you don ‘ t, it could be time to start.

Writing about things that are overwhelming you can be useful, especially if you don ‘ t have someone with whom to share your stress. Much like speaking, writing allows you to get your stress out of your head and onto paper.

And when you can see your stress on a piece of paper in front of you, instead of having it rolling around in your brain, it ‘ s much easier to manage.

#6 – Make a plan.

Once you have pinpointed the cause of the overwhelm it is time to make a plan. Without a plan the overwhelm usually doesn ‘ t just disappear. In fact, it often gets worse.

For my client with the dogs, the plan involved crating up the dogs during the dinnertime and also again at bedtime. Not having the dogs bouncing around, distracting the kids and getting into trouble allowed my client to focus on the work at hand and not let it stress her out.

No more yelling at her kids. Phew.

#7 – Follow through.

The most important part of making a plan is following through. Even the best laid plans don ‘ t work if you don ‘ t follow through.

I have a client who is constantly overwhelmed by her life. She can ‘ t keep her apartment clean, has a difficult time keeping appointments, struggles to do things that involve any planning and who would rather just stay in bed all day.

We made a plan for her to hire someone to clean her apartment once a week and to spend 10 minutes a day neatening up. She was so excited about the plan. And then she didn ‘ t do it. And her apartment stayed a mess. And she continued to be overwhelmed. And even more overwhelmed because she had let herself down by not doing it.

So make sure that you follow through on your plans to deal with your overwhelm. If you don ‘ t your overwhelm could actually truly overwhelm you and that will not be fun.

So now you know. When you are feeling too overwhelmed to think straight there are ways to get past it and get past it quickly.

Next time you are feeling overwhelmed get outside and go for a walk, even if it ‘ s just for 20 minutes. Breathe deeply as you stride. You will see that your overwhelm reduces significantly right away.

As you walk, consider what is overwhelming you and make a plan to fix it. If you have someone to help you figure it, out even better. And then make it happen.

Manage your overwhelm. Don ‘ t let it manage you.

 

5 Ways To Organize Your Life After Divorce

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Are you wondering how to organize your life after divorce? Is the life that you once led, the one that you knew so well, suddenly over and completely gone and you have no idea what to do next?

Let me help!

Getting divorced can be devastating but it doesn ‘ t have to be life ending. Getting organized is a great way to get your second chapter started in a very positive way. So where to start?

#1 – Keep your important papers where you can reach them.

Even though your divorce is final, it is very important that you keep all of the paperwork around your divorce close by.

To that end, it is essential that you create a filing system that will work for you to manage that paperwork. Keep your final divorce agreement, a name change document and any other documents that you have related to your divorce in a place where they won ‘ t get lost and where you can get to them easily.

Your divorce might be final but there are plenty of times over the next few years that you might need that paperwork. You might need them if you are applying for a mortgage or filing your taxes or changing your credit card account information. And if you don ‘ t have the info close by you could be in trouble.

I have been divorced for 6 years but still find that I need my paperwork. This Christmas I bought my airplane tickets through Expedia and, by mistake, the tickets were purchased in my married name. I discovered this the night before we travelled and, in order to change the name on the ticket, I had to provide the official name change documentation.

Thank goodness I had it in my file drawer so that I could send it to the airline. It still took me 5 hours on hold with the airlines to get the name changed but get it changed I did!!!! So keep all of the paperwork related to your divorce in one place, a place you won ‘ t forget and have easy access to.

#2 – Get a thorough understanding of your finances.

Every divorce leads to some sort of financial upheaval and making sure you have a clear understanding of what your finances look like is key part of how to organize your life after divorce.

So, first off, review all financial documentation that you have – bank accounts, mortgage accounts, credit card accounts, brokerage accounts, trusts, IRAs, etc. Make sure that you have a clear understanding of your assets, both liquid and fixed.

Next, pull together an accounting of your expenses – your mortgage, your car payments, your tuition payments, your grocery expenses, your kids ‘ after school costs, etc. Whatever it is that you spend money on. Once you have all of your assets and expenses pulled together then it ‘ s time to make a financial plan for your future.

How much money you can spend monthly, what you can put away for savings, what things might need to get adjusted to fit the new financial situation? If your financial documents are all Greek to you, as they were to me, then spend the money and hire a good financial manager who can help you figure out what your money situation is.

A thorough understanding of your financial picture will set you up for future success.

#3 – Identify what kind of help you are going to need.

When I got divorced one of the biggest losses for me was that I no longer had someone living with me who knew how to work power tools, trouble shoot computers and manage our taxes.

For 20 years I had relied on my husband to fix things around the house, to deal with the computer (and other technology) when things went awry and to manage the taxes each year. As a matter of fact, one of the reasons that I didn ‘ t want a divorce was because I didn ‘ t want to deal with doing those things. Suddenly I was alone and I had to figure out how to deal with things that I had no idea how to manage.

So what did I do? I learned how to use some tools on my own – basic tools so that I could do simple things around the house. But. more importantly, I found a handyman who I could rely on to come help me if I needed help. Someone who could do all the little things that my husband used to do that I couldn ‘ t do on my own.

As for technology, I learned that you could Google almost anything and find a You Tube video that would explain how to fix things. I also found a guy in town willing to help me if I couldn ‘ t figure it out on my own.

And finally, for what worried me most, taxes, I hired a tax guy. Every year, in January, he sends me a worksheet of things that I need to pull together so that he can do my taxes for me in April. I gather everything together and send them to him and he does my taxes for me. It costs me some money but it is totally worth it for my piece of mind, knowing that my taxes are done and done properly.

So take an inventory of what you will need to do around your house and figure out what you can do to get those things done. You can either set out to learn how to do them yourself or hire someone to do them for you. Either way, make a plan so you aren ‘ t caught off guard by a broken pipe or a disabled modem.

#4 – Make a calendar.

If you have kids, making a calendar is an essential part of how to organize your life after divorce.

Many divorces result in some sort of shared custody agreement. And with that kind of agreement there are nights, weekends and holidays to work around. Many people don ‘ t want to take a good look at calendars because the prospect of sharing the kids is just too painful to face. As a result, the visitation agreement might not get clearly followed which could create a mess for everyone, especially the kids.

Perhaps your ex doesn ‘ t remember that it ‘ s his day to pick up the kids and they are left standing by the side of the road for an hour. Perhaps you return the kids late without calling and he gets royally pissed off. Perhaps both families have assumptions about Christmas morning that don ‘ t get addressed because nobody created a calendar.

Once your divorce is final, make a calendar, one that you share with your ex, that includes who is going to be where when. Make sure that you both agree on the schedule and both commit to keeping it.

Dealing with exes and kids can be incredibly difficult but if there are no misunderstandings around schedule that will go a long way towards preventing some of the pain.

#5 – Create a support system.

This final piece of how to get organized after divorce is a key piece.

When we are married we tend to focus on our nuclear family. No matter how unhappy we are, in general it ‘ s mom and dad and the kids. Chores are divided, activities are attended, meals are eaten and discussions are had.

Now that you are divorced, you will find that that other person who was usually in bed with you in the morning and at the dinner table at night will be gone. It will be just you and the kids or, even worse, just you.

Making sure that you have a support system is a key part of surviving a divorce. Do you have friends and family who you can rely on? Do you have a therapist or life coach who understands you and can help you manage your emotions? Are you involved in activities with people you enjoy being with? Is work someplace where you can feel good about yourself and confident in your abilities?

If the answer to any or all of the questions above is NO then it ‘ s time to get out there and find yourself a support system.

Getting started with this second act of your life will be very hard and doing it alone will make it almost impossible. So pick up the phone and call some friends or family, make sure you see your therapist regularly, get out of the house and try new things and do things everyday that make you feel good about yourself.

Trying to figure out how to organize your life after divorce is a really smart idea. Good for you for doing it!

Those of us who find ourselves newly divorced have entered new, untrodden territory – territory we have no idea how to manage. And, when you are in a situation you don ‘ t know how to manage, getting organized is a great first step to getting it all under control.

So make sure that you know where all of your divorce paperwork is at all times, get your finances in order, figure out where to get help managing the details of your life, make sure you have a calendar and that you use it well and get a support system in place to help you when times get rough.

Being divorced doesn ‘ t have to be the end of the world. In fact, I am here to tell you that 6 years later I am so much happier with myself and my place in the world than I was when I was married.

I do look back at me 6 years ago and wished that I knew how to better navigate that first year after my divorce. If I knew more I might have skipped over some of the growing pains that I experienced out in the new world on my own.

So get yourself organized. Spend the time and money necessary to get it done so that you can go forwards, living your best life, knowing that you have it all (well, most of it at least) under control.

You can do this. I promise.

If you have read this far you must really be struggling with your divorce.

Let me help you, NOW, so that you can start moving forward with your life!

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

How to Organize Your Life And Get Rid Of Clutter At Home And At Work

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Are you looking to organize your life and get rid of clutter both at home and at work?

Do you feel like you are being swallowed by life and mess and that you really need to start making change?

Let me help!

Getting organized and getting rid of clutter requires some attention and determination but, if you are willing to do the work, it will pay off in spades.

To organize your life and get rid of clutter you must:

#1 – Use a calendar.

The number one most important thing as far as how to organize your life for success is to have a calendar. And use it!

So how do you use your calendar for maximum success?

With one of my clients, I suggested that every Sunday night she sit down with her calendar and make a plan for the week. She would write down everything that was non-negotiable for the week, like work, appointments, after school activities etc.

Once she had those things noted, she could see where in her week she might have time to get other things done, things like haircuts, grocery shopping and time at the gym. She noted those things on her calendar as well.

The thing about having a calendar and checking it Sunday night is that you familiarize yourself with what your schedule looks like, big picture, for the week. You also know when you have a specific time on your schedule for things that need to get done – you don ‘ t just try to get them done whenever you have might have time.

#2 – Find a block of time to get start getting rid of clutter.

Getting organized and getting rid of clutter requires some time, dedication and determination. And now that you have your calendar it is time to use it to that end.

Find a block of time on your calendar and mark it as a time to organize your life and get rid of clutter.

Choose a window of at least 2 hours once a week (or more) that you will dedicate to getting rid of stuff in your home or office. That block will be written in red and be non-negotiable.

Once you have determined that block of time, it ‘ s time to identify what exactly it is you are going to work on.

Does your kitchen need cleaning out? Perhaps the kids ‘ playroom? Does paper in your home office, or at work, need to be either recycled or filed away?

It is important that we identify what work we are going to do ahead of time because if we don ‘ t we will get overwhelmed by the magnitude of what needs to get done. If we know that we are only doing a manageable piece of the work, getting started will be that much easier.

So find a block of time, identify where you are going to start and be dogged in your devotion to getting it done.

#3 – Get some help.

There are some of us who are REALLY good at organizing and de-cluttering and there are some of us who have different strengths.

And there are some of us who couldn ‘ t de-clutter if threatened with loss of limb or life.

If you are one of those people, consider investing in someone who can help you get rid of stuff and get organized. People, like me, who know how to de-clutter, can come into your home and get things done in the amount of time it might take for you to get started.

So consider investing in some professional help. If you can ‘ t afford help, find a friend who is a good organizer and barter for her time. Perhaps you can take care of her kids, or bake some cookies or help her finish her work project.

Whatever you need to do, get some help. You will be glad you did!

#4 – Set up some routines.

Once you have managed to instill some order onto your chaos it ‘ s important to set up some routines to help keep everything organized.

For me, some things that work:

  • Sorting through the mail immediately to get rid of envelopes and junk mail. Doing so immediately greatly reduced the amount of papers that were piling up on my counter.
  • Doing the laundry and the grocery shopping on certain days every week. That way I could stay on top of my laundry piles so that they don ‘ t get too big and I could manage the amount of food in your fridge and cupboards so that it didn ‘ t build up and get out of control.
  • Doing the dishes before bed EVERY night. No piles in the sink means no piles on the counter which means reduced mess in the kitchen.
  • Paying the bills on a certain day each week. I keep my bills in one place, arranged by the date they are due, and sit down and pay them every Thursday. That way I know my bills get paid and any paperwork gets filed away immediately.

Those are just a few ideas for establishing routines. Here are some others.

#5 – Notice and appreciate the changes you are making.

This one is SO important and rarely done.

After you have completed cleaning out one area of your house or office, take a moment to look at your newly organized space. Perhaps even take a picture of the before and after.

Noticing and appreciating how good your space looks makes you realize how good it feels to get organized and de-clutter. And that knowledge and awareness is all the motivation that you will need to get organized.

I remember, when my kids were little, I used to keep the dining room perfectly clean, everything in order. That way, whenever I walked by the dining room, I could pause in the doorway and experience, even for a moment, a clean, organized and de-cluttered space.

It filled me with calm every time.

So, when you are done with a task, stop, if only for a moment, and appreciate a job well done.

Good for you for looking to organize your life and get rid of clutter at home and at work.

Using this list is an excellent starting place for making your life, home and office all that you want it to be.

Get yourself a calendar and set it up. Use that calendar to block off some time when you can start throwing things away and putting things in their place. Get some help if you need it.

Once you have done that, set up some routines and always stop and appreciate the work that you have done.

Being organized and clutter free is a huge part of living your life to the fullest, to being all that you can be!

5 Tips For Finding Your Motivation When Feeling Depressed

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Do you have trouble finding motivation when feeling depressed?

If the answer is YES, rest assured that you are not alone. Those of us who get depressed really struggle with being productive when we are feeling blue.

Even worse, not being motivated to do anything when we feel down can only make the depression worse.

Luckily there are ways to find motivation when feeling depressed.

#1 – Get out of bed

This might seem fairly obvious but, for many people, the act of simply getting out of bed when they are depressed is impossible.

The inclination to stay under the covers, in the dark, away from the stimulation of the world is almost irresistible when you are depressed. Bed is comfy and cozy and not going to judge you in any way for how you are feeling.

If you are trapped in your bed, GET OUT OF IT!

People I know who are depressed go to great lengths to stay out of bed when they are depressed.

I have known people to take their mattress off the box spring and lean it against the wall. Some people pile their mattress with books. Others strip the bed of the sheets.

Whatever it takes to keep them out of bed when they are depressed.

Because, out of bed, it is WAY easier to get motivated.

#2 – Exercise

The best way to find motivation, whether you are depressed or not, is to get out of the house and exercise.

The act of exercising produces endorphins which will not only lighten your mood but will give you the energy that you need to get off your butt and get some stuff done.

If you add the outdoors to the mix, by taking a walk or riding a bike, you will only compound the positive effects of the exercise. There is nothing like some fresh air and sunshine to give you the energy to take on the world.

Have you ever felt like you could take on the world after a good brisk walk in the park? Can ‘ t you remember that feeling like it was yesterday?

Do it NOW!

#3 – Spend time with people who make you laugh.

When we are depressed we tend to isolate ourselves. The prospect of getting out of bed and actually interacting with people is too much for us to bear.

This is just exactly the opposite of what we should be doing.

Picture this. You can spend the rest of the day in bed, covers pulled up over your ears, mulling about how horrible the world is and how you are never going to do anything ever again. OR you can invite some friends over and laze around on the couch, laughing about whatever it is that you laugh about with them.

Which one feels better? Which one might lead to you leaving the house and going to a movie?

You tell me.

#4 – Have sex.

When people are depressed they often have absolutely no interest in having sex of any kind. But let me tell you: you should try it!

Having sex when you are depressed produces, like exercise, endorphins that make you feel better and give you more energy.

Even better, having an orgasm gives you a shot of dopamine, the effects of which can last between 5-7 hours. Imagine what you can get done in 5-7 hours.

And best of all, spending some time naked with another person is way better than lying in bed by yourself because being closely connected with someone makes you feel GREAT and if you feel great, even for just a bit, you are more likely to get out into the world.

#5 – Do one small thing.

When we are depressed the idea of getting anything done at all is completely overwhelming. And so what do we do? Nothing. And then how do we feel? Worse.

I am suggesting that, once you get out of bed and get some exercise, you considering doing just one thing. Anything. Because doing just one thing can often lead to doing another.

Choose something that you really like to do. When I am depressed, I love to go through my inbox and throw shit away. Getting organized feels good. What I hate to do when I am depressed is make phone calls. Talking to people on the phone in that state of mind is not a good idea.

So choose one thing that you like to do, in or out of the house. And do it.

Go make coffee. Take the dog for a walk. Make your bed. Even if it doesn ‘ t lead to doing another thing at least you got one thing done!

Finding your motivation when feeling depressed is very difficult. But it is an important thing to try to do.

When we are depressed the world goes on without us. We stay at home, isolated, in pain and feeling hopeless. And while finding motivation might not fix our depression, it certainly will help us to manage it and not let it get the best of us.

So get out of your bed (unless you are having sex in it), get some exercise, spend time with friends and get one thing done.

Reconnect with the world. You will be glad that you did.

6 Steps To Move From Overwhelmed To Calm

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You know those days when you feel like you will never be able to get from overwhelmed to calm?

Those days when everyone and everything is demanding so much from you that you really don ‘ t think that you can take it anymore. Those days where it feels like your head is going to explode.

Let me help you get from overwhelmed to calm. It is possible. It just takes some awareness and action.

#1 – Take deep breaths.

When we are stressed out, the first thing that we do is we stop breathing. Well, not literally stop breathing, because then we would die. But we do unconsciously hold our breath because of increased tension in the muscles used for breathing.

So when you are feeling overwhelmed remember to breathe. Deep breaths into your belly in for 3 seconds and out for 3 seconds. Put your hand over your belly so that you can feel it filling up with air. Do these over and over until you feel a little calmer. Repeat throughout the day as necessary.

It will help you A LOT. I promise.

#2 – Go for a walk.

If it ‘ s at all possible, take some time to go for a walk. There isn ‘ t a woman I know who doesn’t say that her stress levels are always greatly reduced after a walk.

The thing about walking is that it kills two bird with one stone.

Walking encourages deep breathing which calms you down quickly.Also, for some reason, the motion of walking encourages clearer thinking. The rhythm of the stride and the increased oxygen intake can make something that was extremely overwhelming just 20 minutes earlier much easier to manage.

#3 – Identify what is causing the overwhelm.

One of the biggest blockages to getting from overwhelmed to calm is not understanding what is specifically overwhelming you.

A client of mine was SO overwhelmed with her life. She found that she had no energy to get anything done, she yelled a lot at her kids and she could barely stand being with her husband.

She figured that she was just too stressed out by her day to day living and she came to me to help her get more organized.

We talked for a bit and I come to learn that they have 3 new dogs in the house. 3 new dogs. And they were, you guessed it, causing the overwhelm, not her lack of organization.

Once we knew what the cause was we were able to find a solution.

#4 – Share your stress.

Sharing your stress with another person is a key part of dealing with it.

They say that what is kept inside the head is 4x more intense than what is spoken. Also, if you share your overwhelm you might learn something that will help you manage it. We all have things that work for us and sharing them with others can be very helpful.

If you have someone you can talk with about your overwhelm then absolutely do it. Be it a therapist, a friend or a partner, let those overwhelming thoughts out of your head and into the world.

From there they have a reduced power and are easier to deal with.

#5 – Make a plan.

Once you have pinpointed the cause of the overwhelm it is time to make a plan. Without a plan the overwhelm usually doesn ‘ t just disappear. In fact, it often gets worse.

For my client with the dogs, the plan involved crating up the dogs during the dinnertime and also again at bedtime. Not having the dogs bouncing around, distracting the kids and getting into trouble my client was able to focus on the work at hand and not let it stress her out.

No more yelling at her kids. Phew.

#6 – Follow through.

The most important part of making a plan is following through. Even the best made plans don ‘ t work if you don ‘ t follow through.

I have a client who is constantly overwhelmed by her life. She can ‘ t keep her apartment clean, has a difficult time keeping appointments, struggles to do things that involve any planning and who would rather just stay in bed all day.

We made a plan for her to hire someone to clean her apartment once a week and to spend 10 minutes a day neatening up. She was so excited about the plan. And then she didn ‘ t do it. And her apartment stayed a mess. And she continued to be overwhelmed. And even more overwhelmed because she had let herself down by not doing it.

So make sure that you follow through on your plans to deal with your overwhelm. If you don ‘ t your overwhelm could actually truly overwhelm you and that will not be fun.

If you want to get from overwhelmed to calm it is possible and it is possible to do so quickly.

Next time you are feeling overwhelmed get outside and go for a walk, even if it ‘ s just for 20 minutes. Breathe deeply as you stride. You will see that your overwhelm reduces significantly right away.

As you walk, consider what is overwhelming you and make a plan to fix it. If you have someone to help you figure it out even better. And then make it happen.

Manage your overwhelm. Don ‘ t let it manage you.

5 Tips For Having Both Career Success And Happiness

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When we were young girls we were told that we could have it all – a husband, kids, career success and happiness. And we really believed that to be true.

And, while it can be hard work, it is possible to have it all.

Career success and happiness can go hand in hand. Here is how ‘ ¦

#1 – Don ‘ t settle for a career you don ‘ t love.

Unless your career is something that is just a means to an end and isn ‘ t an important part of your self-worth there is NO WAY that you will find happiness in your life if you aren ‘ t happy in your career.

If your career is important to your self worth then it ‘ s essential that you don ‘ t settle for a career that you don ‘ t love.

Many of us start out in a job, any job, just so we can start to earn money. And many of us get trapped in that job, whether we like it or not, because the money is good or the prospect of going out and getting a new job is too daunting.

If you find yourself in that spot, in a career that you don ‘ t love and that is causing your unhappiness, move heaven and earth to get out of that job and find one that you love.

Today, right now, think about what kind of career you would like to have if you were in charge of the world. Just think about it. And when you know GO FOR IT. (Let me know if I can help!)

#2 – Don ‘ t neglect yourself.

Are you one of those people who works so hard at your career that you have stopped taking care of yourself?

Do you tell yourself that the lack of sleep or the weight gain or the hair loss (from stress) is a small price to pay for career success?

If this is you, I am guessing that your happiness level is pretty low, even if your career is going strong. Because you simply can ‘ t be happy in your life if you aren ‘ t taking care of yourself. You might think you are happy. But are you really?

So take the time to take care of yourself and work hard. Get some sleep, eat well, indulge yourself when you can. Taking care of you will ensure you a lot of happiness. I promise.

#3 – Don ‘ t stop learning, both in your life and your career.

Many of us, as we settle into the grown up life of parent, spouse and career person, stop learning. We figured that we paid our dues in high school and college and that is that. No more learning required.

I would argue that learning is essential for growth and happiness and they say it keeps your brain young.

I am not saying that you need to go back to school full time but do make an effort to learn something new every day.

Are you given a project at work that you know nothing about? Dive in! Are you wondering just what is all this hype about apple cider vinegar? Get online and find out. Wondering what you can do to learn some marketing tools so that you can get that promotion? Take a seminar. Hoping for some guidance on love and relationships? Check out the 5 Love Languages.

My point is is that every day there is an opportunity to learn something new. Grab that opportunity. Use your brain. It will get you far.

#4 – Don ‘ t lose touch with friends and family.

Are you the one who is always missing the family event because of work? Are you the one whose friends don ‘ t invite you out for happy hour because they know that you will say no?

If you are this person I am going to plead with you to STOP.

Very old people say that at the end of their life they don ‘ t wish that they had stayed for that one important meeting or that they could have climbed just a little higher on that corporate ladder. At the end of their lives, old people regret the times that they missed with loved ones, precious lost time that they can never get back.

So if you want career success and happiness work hard but not too hard. Your loved ones need you, and you need them for when the going gets rough.

#5 – Don ‘ t prioritize your career over love.

This is one that I wish I would say over and over and over. I will say it one more time.

Don ‘ t prioritize your career over love.

One career is incredibly important both for personal and financial reasons. But if you put it before your love then you will be setting yourself up for neither career success or happiness.

I have a client whose husband worked all the time, who was never home for dinner and who always missed dates with her. She tried to get him to let go of work a bit and be with her but his career was too important to him.

So she left him. And what happened next? He was alone, living in a small apartment. He had his kids every other week and that was stressful because he had to manage them and work. He didn ‘ t have someone to come home to and support him. Everything suffered.

In the end, my client ‘ s ex lost a promotion because of the chaos that was his life after his divorce.

On top of that, my client ‘ s ex was lonely and sad and left wondering what he had done with this life.

So look up right now at the one you love and decide to make them a priority going forward.

Career success and happiness can definitely go hand in hand.

The key is making sure that you are doing work that you love, that you take care of yourself and that your priorities are on straight.

I love coaching more than any other career that I have had and it has brought me much personal happiness. But I know that I wouldn ‘ t have that happiness without my health, the man sitting beside me and the kids on their way over for dinner.

So go for it. You can have it all too!

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