5 Reasons Why Letting Go Of A Past Love Is Crucial To Your Happiness

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Is there anything harder to do than letting go of a past love?

Do the memories of the happiness you felt in that relationship keep you from moving on with your life and being happy?

If your answer is yes, then you are like many people in the world, people who are crippled by their broken heart and unable to get past it.

I believe that letting go of a past love is crucial to your happiness here and now as well as your chances of being happy in the future.

#1 – Your sadness is holding you back.

One thing about sadness and depression is that it holds you back from living fully.

Do you find that you would rather stay home, feeling sad, waiting hopefully to hear from your person? Do your friends find you tiresome to be with because all you can do is talk about your ex and so they no longer invite you out? Do you find, if you are out, that you have a hard time having fun because you are pre-occupied by thoughts of your ex.

It is very hard to be happy, to live your life fully, if you are stuck in the past. Thoughts of what were and might have been keep you from looking at the life you are living right now, and to appreciate things, small and big, that are wonderful.

And, if you don ‘ t notice the world around you, if you don ‘ t engage in it fully, you can never find the happiness you seek.

#2 – That baggage is really heavy.

One of the most important reasons that letting go of a past love is crucial to your happiness is because of the weight of the baggage from that past love.

I have a client who is was in a 10 year relationship with someone who treated her horribly. He was an alcoholic who lied to her and cheated on her repeatedly. She hung on for 10 years, hoping it would all work out. But, in the end, she couldn ‘ t hold on any longer. She had to leave him before she lost herself completely.

Unfortunately, the relationship had caused her a significant amount of damage. She no longer trusted anyone, she was very sensitive to other ‘ s drinking, she felt easily abandoned and she didn ‘ t feel worthy of love. She seemed like a functioning person in the world but she wasn ‘ t.

So, when she got involved with a new guy she brought all of the baggage that she had from her previous relationship into her new one. She didn ‘ t trust him at all, counted his drinks, was very sensitive to his absences and obsessed about how he could possibly love her.

We worked hard on identifying those triggers for her, to recognize that she was projecting the behaviors of the old guy onto the new one which was making her miserable and threatening to destroy her new relationship.

Only once she accepted and worked through the issues that were her baggage was she able to accept her new guy as he was and put her ex in the rearview mirror.

#3 – You will never find someone else.

Do you want to find someone to love who will love you completely? Are you struggling to find that person in spite of how much you would like to?

Unfortunately, it will be literally impossible to find someone new if you are obsessing about your ex. If you are spending all of your time staying home depressed or, when you are out, not picking up your head and seeing what is out there, then even if someone does come along you might not see them.

It is important that you put your energy out there as a single, available person in the world, not someone who is mired in misery because of a past break up.

I remember when I got together with my guy. I literally had my head in my hands on a bar, talking to a good friend. I was devastated at yet another break-up with my ex. The pattern was killing me. My friend reminded me of a friend of his who I had met and remarked upon a few months back and told me that this guy was attending his dance party that weekend. My head shot up out of my hands and I saw what could be my future instead of my past. I went to that dance party and the rest is history.

#4 – Extreme emotions are bad for you.

One thing I know about letting go of a past love is that it ‘ s fraught with big emotions.

You feel angry, sadness, despair, hopelessness, self-loathing and insecurity. Those feelings can all coexist or come and go separately from each other. And those emotions can suck the life out of you.

Feeling extreme emotions can be very debilitating. The long term damage caused to your body, and mind, by anger and sadness are quite profound.

Many people don ‘ t realize that your muscles absorb your emotions, especially if you are stuffing them down. This can lead to physical problems, such as a sore back or a frozen shoulder or worse. Your mind can get exhausted by the constant barrage of feelings and you could have a hard time concentrating. The thoughts in your head could keep you from sleeping, which isn ‘ t good for anyone.

If your body, and mind, are in pain, consider the fact that letting go of a past love is the best thing that you can do for both your mental and physical health.

#5 – You can keep your friends.

When we are going through a break up, our friends are a valuable resource. They love us unconditionally and want to support us through our pain. They are willing to listen, to assure us that our exes are horrible people and remind us how amazing we are. Getting through break ups without friends is very difficult.

Unfortunately, sometimes there is a statute of limitations that our friends put on their willingness to support us through a break up. The threshold can change but sooner or later our friends might tell us to get over it and let it go, that it ‘ s time to move on and live our lives.

And, when we don ‘ t or can ‘ t do that, they get sick of us and choose not to spend time with us. Not having your friends is a horrible thing in any situation and especially during a time we are feeling vulnerable from a break up.

So, an excellent reason that letting go of a past love is crucial is that you will keep your friendships intact. After all, your people were with you before your ex and will be with you long after. How lucky are you?

Letting go of a past love is absolutely crucial to moving forward and being happy.

Holding on to past love can be damaging to our body, it can cause us to lose our friends, it can keep us from fully living and it can drag us down with the weight of it ‘ s baggage.

I know that it ‘ s really hard to do and it does take some effort, sometimes a lot of effort, but it can happen and, when it does, you will have a real shot at being happy. And people who are happy attract other people who are happy so living happily ever after isn ‘ t just a possibility!

How great would that be?

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really be struggling with letting go of love.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before the pain overwhelms you.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

Why Healthy Boundaries In A Marriage May Apply To In-Laws As Well

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Are you newly married and have you and your partner learned about the importance of setting healthy boundaries in a marriage? Have you worked hard to identify what your boundaries are and are you determined to respect them so that your marriage is successful?

Good for you.

What many people don ‘ t know is that it can be very important to, from the get go, set boundaries for your in-laws as well. Why? Because your in-laws will be a part of your lives for a long time and your relationship with them could have a huge effect on your marriage.

Let me tell you why boundaries with your in-laws can make your marriage stronger.

#1 – Setting boundaries will create clarity.

While now that you are married you have created the beginning of a new family, for all of the previous years of your life you have been a member of your original family.

Things that formed this original family – holiday traditions, gender roles, financial considerations etc – were the foundation upon which that family existed.

Now that you are married, those things, those things that lay the foundation for your original family, might not exist in the new family.

I know when I was married, my husband ‘ s family had always lived close to each other and, as a result, they spent a lot of time together, particularly around birthdays and holidays. My family had always been more spread out and our time together was somewhat limited and we lived more independently of each other.

I was hoping that our new family could live in a way that was more aligned with my original family. My ex wanted to spend holiday times with his family. And his family expected it too.

In retrospect, I believe that if we had set boundaries early on, boundaries with both of our families about how we were going to spend birthdays and holidays, instead of having to have conflict around them every time one arose, then we would have saved ourselves a lot of conflict, conflict that was part of the erosion of our marriage.

So, setting boundaries early on with your in-laws allows everyone to know what to expect going forward so that conflicts and hurt feelings can be kept to a minimum.

#2 – The new relationship must take precedence.

One of the most important reasons that healthy boundaries in a marriage may apply to in-laws as well is because the marriage of two people creates a new family.

This new family is new and untested and needs its own time to develop into what it is going to be.

It is of the utmost importance that this new family take precedence, that the wants and needs of this new couple are taken into consideration above the wants and needs of the original family.

This is not to say that the original family should be shunned but that the wants and needs of the new family are discussed first. Once that discussion has been had, the new family can make a decision, together, about how they are going to proceed.

For my ex and I, we never truly made a decision about what was important for our family. Every time a family conflict arose we punted it to the next holiday. If we had only made a conscious decision, for ourselves and OUR family, then we both would have been happier and there would have been less conflict.

#3 – Everyone needs to know what expectations are.

Unmet expectations are the number one thing that can cause problems in any relationship. And, unfortunately, no one usually knows what those expectations are. This isn ‘ t done maliciously – it just never comes up, not until someone gets hurt.

If you can set expectations early on with your in-laws you can prevent hurt feelings on both sides. In the example of my ex and I, perhaps if we had clearly stated at the beginning of our relationship what it was that we expected around the birthdays and holidays, if we had engaged in a discussion with our in-laws about what we all wanted, then a whole bunch of conflict would have been avoided.

Instead, we just assumed that it was a command performance at holidays and birthdays and we showed up accordingly, often crabby because we had fought about it the whole car drive over.

#4 – Relationships can be maintained.

One of my biggest regrets of my marriage is that we weren ‘ t able to set boundaries and manage expectations with our families. If we had, some important relationships would have been healthier.

As I have said before, my ex and I often ended up butting heads when we were put in the position of meeting extended family obligations that we didn ‘ t necessarily want to engage in. That was very damaging for our marriage.

Furthermore, our relationship with our in-laws suffered as well because there was often conflict about how we engaged with them. We weren ‘ t always honest, in an attempt to not upset them, but they often knew. And my ex and I, usually crabby, weren ‘ t always fun to have around.

So, if you want to maintain a healthy relationship with your in-laws, I would encourage you to set boundaries to preserve those good feelings.

#5 – You will be prepared with the kids arrive.

Ah yes, babies. Aren ‘ t they wonderful? Adorable little creatures that arrive and totally turn our lives into chaos.

And, yes, grandparents. The adults in our lives who raised us, sometimes in ways that we wished that we hadn ‘ t been raised. And they want a say in how your new family is going to be raised as well.

If you have set and practiced healthy boundaries with your in-laws, when the babies come you will be able to discuss with them what kind of boundaries you need around the kids. You can work together to define how they will be involved with the children – will you need them for child care, will they be part of managing discipline, do they understand how important the car seat is, etc.

The grandparent relationship, I believe, is a key one in the lives of our children. I know that my relationship with my grandmother was one of the best, most nurturing, of my life. I know that my mother ‘ s relationship with her mother wasn ‘ t always a healthy one and if they had set boundaries then a lot of silent dinners might have been avoided. I know that I wish they had been.

So, set up and practice boundaries now so that, when the kids are born, both sides are well practiced in the art of managing expectations and avoiding conflict.

Now you know why healthy boundaries in a marriage may apply to in-laws as well.

Marriage is long and hard (and wonderful) and for the length of your marriage your in-laws will be a part of it.

It ‘ s important to set the boundaries right away so that you can maintain a good relationship with them. The boundaries need not be set in stone – as relationships develop, needs can change – but it is important that the discussion be had and expectations are clear.

I know it might be difficult, for all parties involved, to have the discussion but know that, in the long run, it will have been worth it.

Are you wondering how to stop fighting with your partner?
Let me help, NOW, and learn how to do so that you can be happy!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

How to Stop Unmet Expectations from Ruining Your Relationship

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Are you wondering how to stop unmet expectations from ruining your relationship? Do you find yourself constantly disappointed with your partner and thinking about ending it?

Did you know that it ‘ s only since the Victorian era that relationships were meant to be what they are today – a partnership based on love, fidelity, friendship and laughter?

Before the Victorian era, relationships were business based, often set up by parents in the attempt to form allegiances farms or countries. There was no pressure to love forever or be your partner ‘ s best friend. And fidelity was rarely even discussed.

Today, the idea of a relationship has evolved, in most part due to movies and reality TV, into something that is supposed to define us and be the focal point of our lives.

And, often times, as seen by the high divorce rate and the transitory nature of relationships outside of marriage, this ideal of a relationship is not sustainable. Our expectations of our marriage are such that, if they are not met, the relationship will be damaged, perhaps irreversibly.

There are ways to stop unmet expectations from ruining your relationship. Here are a few.

#1 – Identify your own.

One way to stop unmet expectations from ruining your relationship is questioning your own.

What do you think you need from your partner? Do you need him to give up his friends and hobbies for you? Do you expect to have sex every night? Do you want her to keep the house spotlessly clean, like your mother did? Do you expect him to anticipate your every need?

Expectations like these are exactly the things that can kill a relationship. I would encourage you to think about what you want from your partner so that it ‘ s clear in your mind. I also want you to consider if your expectations are reasonable.

If your expectations aren ‘ t reasonable your relationship might be dead upon arrival. If you don ‘ t know what your expectations are, your partner will have a hard time reaching them because you might always be moving the goal post.

So, before unmet expectations destroy your relationship, make sure you know what yours are.

#2 – Set boundaries.

I always encourage new couples to set boundaries in their relationships as soon as possible

To understand healthy relationship boundaries look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds your life together. They hold your food and your bed and your possessions and it ‘ s where you live your life.

Healthy boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your relationship as it matures. To have a healthy relationship, one that can grow and be fruitful, it is important that it has structures, boundaries, that support it.

Healthy boundaries come in many shapes, sizes and colors.

A few examples:

*Make sure you stay yourself

*Allow yourselves time apart

*Communication is important

*Mutual respect at all times

*Keep the power dynamic equal

*Making time for both sides of the family

*Respecting others friends and hobbies

Of course, it ‘ s important for each couple to decide what works for them but it is important that every couple establish some boundaries early and stick to them. For the sake of their relationship.

#3 – Be truthful.

It is essential that, if your expectations aren ‘ t being met, you discuss this with your partner.

One of the most common complaints that I hear from women is ‘ ˜he should know what I need. I shouldn ‘ t have to tell him. ‘ And this, I am afraid, is mostly impossible.

Men would love to be able to anticipate and meet our needs but many of them just don ‘ t always have it in them. This is not some deficiency of character but based on the fact that men have no idea how women think and why. It ‘ s a mystery to them so expecting them to be able to do so will set you up for disaster.

If your person isn ‘ t meeting your expectations, tell them. Not in the heat of the moment when you are angry and yelling but at an opportune time when you can discuss it calmly.

Discussing your expectations will allow the two of you to figure out if the expectations are reasonable and, if not, how you can compromise around something that would work for both of you.

If you don ‘ t, if you sit and simmer about your needs not being met, your relationship will not stay healthy.

#4 – Don ‘ t let others influence you.

How many times has your friend said ‘ ˜If he loved you, he would do this things ‘ . How many times has your mother said ‘ ˜She really should keep the keep the kitchen cleaner. ‘ How many times have you gotten resentful that your partner isn ‘ t reaching some expectation set by someone outside of the relationship?

It is important that you recognize that your relationship is just that, your relationship.

My mother in law used to remind me that my ex was really good at cleaning the house when he was a teenager. I appreciated that but, in our marriage, him helping with the house cleaning wasn ‘ t something that we had agreed on. It was important that I remembered that when discussing house cleaning with her.

So, make sure that your expectations are based on what you and you partner want, not what others want.

#5 – Remember that no relationship is perfect.

Last night I was watching The Bachelor (yes, I have watched every episode of the bachelor since 2002) and I listened to him talk about the perfect relationship that he wanted to come from his journey. The bachelorettes sang the same tune – they were there to find their best friend, someone who would always be there in their time of need.

While those sentiments are wonderful, they just are unrealistic. No one can be all things to one person all of the time.

When we enter into relationships expecting perfection, we will only be disappointed. Knowing that your relationship will not be the be all and end all, that you will need to find some things outside the relationship and that you won ‘ t blend into one person, will help set you up to not be disappointed and keep your relationship on a forward track to happiness.

Learning how to stop unmet expectations from ruining your relationship is not difficult to do.

If you are feeling dissatisfied in your relationship take a good hard look at your expectations. Do you have expectations that aren ‘ t being met and is that is why you are losing that loving feeling?

If yes, take a good hard look at your expectations and define if they are reasonable. Have your partner do the same. Afterwards, discuss them with your partner so that you guys can agree on what you both want and need. Don ‘ t listen to others and know that every relationship isn ‘ t what you read about in fairy tales.

If you can do these things, your chances of living happily ever after will be greatly improved.

You can do it! Start now ‘ ¦

Are your unmet expectations ruining your relationship?
Let me help, NOW, and before it’s too late!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

Surviving Infidelity Together: 5 Ways Couples Can Weather The Storm

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Is surviving infidelity together at all possible? Can a couple work through and get past the ultimate relationship betrayal – unfaithfulness.

Infidelity is devastating. The damage that is left, damaged caused by betrayal, lack of trust, unanswered questions and the unknown future seems irreparable.

But let me tell you that surviving infidelity together is possible. It won ‘ t be easy but it can be done.

Here are some important steps to take in the healing process.

#1 – No contact. None.

This is the number one most important thing for couples who are striving towards surviving infidelity together. If this step isn ‘ t taken, getting through this might not be possible.

It is essential that the unfaithful person cut their lover out of their life completely. There can be no trying to be friends, no final meeting for closure, no secret meetings to feed the need to be together. Unfriended and blocked on social media. Contact info deleted.

I believe that it ‘ s impossible to fully get away from a relationship if you don ‘ t go ‘ ˜no contact. ‘ This is especially important after infidelity.

Why? Affairs are addictive and, for the married couple to get through recovery, it ‘ s imperative that the addiction be broken. The unfaithful person needs to be fully cut off from their lover so that they can focus on their partner. This is not possible if their lover hovers in the background.

Furthermore, the wronged partner needs to know and trust that their partner ‘ s person is not still out there, threatening the relationship.

So, first and foremost, go no contact. Without it, surviving infidelity together will be almost impossible.

#2 – Talking it out.

An essential part of surviving infidelity together is talking it out.

No affair happens in a void. More often than not, when an affair occurs, there are issues in a relationship.

Perhaps one partner never feels heard or isn ‘ t having their sexual needs met or is overwhelmed by the emotional abuse they are subjected to. Perhaps parenting has made them feel like less of a person and having an affair allowed them to feel like themselves again.

Whatever the reasons, these issues need to be discussed. Everything must be put out in the open so that everyone understands what might have led to the affair. Not to assign blame but to take a good honest look at what the issues are in the relationship and commit to make change around them.

Talking it out can be difficult and often it ‘ s important for a couple to get a professional to help them do so. Feelings will run high and having someone on hand to help keep them in line will be essential.

#3 – Rebuilding trust.

It is essential for couples who are interested in surviving a relationship together that they work hard to rebuild trust.

The wronged partner needs to know that they can trust their partner and the wandering partner needs to trust that their person is willing to work together to move forward.

A key part of rebuilding trust is to cut the other person out of your life, as I mentioned above. For the wronged person, knowing that their partner has walked away from their lover, that they don ‘ t need to always be wondering if they are together and that their person is committed to working through it is essential for moving forward.

The wayward partner needs to know that their partner is willing to be open to getting through this, to not be constantly critical of everything they do, to trust that they are no longer cheating and to not constantly question their character and motivations.

For both people, 100% transparency is important. If you have questions about what your spouse is doing, ask them. If you are going to be home later than usual, be clear about it and stay in touch. Whatever each other needs to feel safe in the relationship.

Trust is an essential part of a healthy relationship. Rebuilding trust will take some time but without trust, surviving infidelity together might not be possible.

#4 – Forgiveness.

Ah yes, forgiveness. The tough one.

You have been betrayed by someone who swore to love you forever. They fell in love and/or had sex with someone else – how can one possibly forgive someone for such horrific behavior.

Furthermore, how can you forgive yourself for missing the signs, for being the kind of partner your person would turn away from, for being so unbelievably stupid for letting it happen?

Forgiveness after infidelity is possible. And understanding that forgiveness doesn ‘ t mean forgetting is essential as well.

If your partner truly feels contrite, if they are willing to stay away from their partner and do everything that they can do to regain your trust, if they take accountability for their actions and are always honest with you, forgiveness is possible.

That being said, just because you forgive someone doesn ‘ t mean they are let off the hook. It doesn ‘ t mean that you are accepting that what they did is okay. It means that you are recognizing that your partner is human, that humans make mistakes and that your life and your relationship is important enough to you to try to move forward together.

You don ‘ t have to forget that the affair ever happened but if you can forgive your partner for their actions you have taken a big step towards surviving an affair together.

#5 – Getting to know each other again.

When an affair occurs, what is left is a huge chasm between partners.

Trust is gone, your person doesn ‘ t act like your person, you question everything you ever thought to be true and you wonder if you can ever really know your person again.

An essential part of surviving infidelity together is making an effort to get to know each other again. There was a time you were in love with this person and perhaps it ‘ s time to remember why.

Be willing to be 100% open about yourself to another person, like you were in the beginning, so that you remember how and why you love them.

Make an effort to do things together – the things that you used to love doing together and new things that will be exciting and fun. Spend time with non-judgmental friends who love you as a couple. If you have kids, spend time together as a family.

Talk about the future, a future that you might share together.

Remember, you loved this person, and might still love them. Knowing this might be the key to surviving infidelity together.

Affairs are devastating and destructive. Surviving them as a couple is possible.

It is important that you follow the steps above, to cut the other person out of your life, to talk about what happened, to rebuild trust, to forgive and to get to know each other again.

It is also important, if doing the things above aren ‘ t helping you get through this, to get some professional help. An outside perspective on this situation, with a person who is well versed in healing after an affair, can be more than helpful. They might help you bridge a chasm that you just can ‘ t traverse on your own.

I know that you are hurt. And good for you for reading this article and considering whether or not you want to try to save your relationship. It ‘ s not for everybody, forgiving and moving on, but if it might be an option for you, I definitely encourage you to try it.

Maybe you can still have your happily ever after!

Are you wondering if surviving infidelity together is possible?
Let me help, NOW, and before it’s too late!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

5 Sweet Things To Say To Your Girlfriend To Let Her Know You Are All In

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Have you found the girl of your dreams? Are you wondering what kind of sweet things to say to your girlfriend to let you know you are all in?

Men are often at a loss about what they can do to make their women know that they are the best thing in their life. What women want tends to be different from what men do so it ‘ s not necessarily intuitive for them to know what makes us happy.

I can tell you this – women love to communicate. They love to give and take and share. Men don ‘ t always understand the importance of this so they often keep their mouths shut, at a loss to what to say.

If you want to know some sweet things to say to your girlfriend to let her know you are all in, let me help!

Here are some ideas:

#1 – I don ‘ t know what to do.

One time, my boyfriend and I were arguing about something. I am not sure what. I stormed out of the room and he didn ‘ t follow me. I was puttering around my room, angry at whatever we were fighting about and then he walked in and said I don ‘ t know what to do.

These words instantaneously diffused my anger?

Why? Because my boyfriend didn ‘ t know what to do. He had no idea what to do. And instead of going silent, or taking a stab at trying to fix things or sticking to his side of the argument, he was honest and went out on a limb and told me.

Oh man, did I love him more for that. And I realized that he didn ‘ t ‘ know what to do and that I had to cut him some slack, both that time and going forward. We rarely argue now – we are clear about what we need and don ‘ t know what to do and we keep the peace.

#2- That must be really hard. What can I do for you right now?

Do you know the nail in the head video?

In it, a woman is talking about how much pain she has in her head and how somedays she doesn ‘ t know if she can live with it any longer. The camera pans out and we see that she has a nail in her forehead. Her well-meaning boyfriend points out that, perhaps, if she removed the nail she would feel better.

This doesn ‘ t go over well. She gets mad at him for trying to fix her when she just wants him to listen. He does and she is happy.

So, next time your girl is upset, listen. And when you are done listening, acknowledge what you heard and empathize with the emotional turmoil that she is in. And then, not trying to fix her, ask her what you can do right then to make her happy.

This is seriously one of the sweetest things that you to say to your girlfriend.

She might not know the answer but she will appreciate the empathy and that you want to support her without fixing her. That will mean the world to her and she will know that she is important to you.

#3 – When I see you, my heart skips a beat.

We women have been raised on Rom-coms, admittedly not the best example of real life love. But it is what it is and there are certain things that we hope that our relationship will have in spades.

One of the most important of those is that your heart skips a beat when you see us. That you have a physical reaction (other than the one you are thinking of right now) that reminds you of how much you love us.

So, if you want to make your woman feel well and truly loved, tell her just that – that when come back together after being apart, that your heart feels full and that you are happy.

#4 – You look hot.

I know, in this day and age we don ‘ t want to put the emphasis on looks. Smarts, emotional IQs, happiness and kindness are all important part of a woman ‘ s makeup and things that she wants to be recognized for by her man.

That being said, every woman wants to know that her man thinks that she is hot. She wants to know that he checks her out when she walks into the room, that seeing her walk around naked is the highlight of his day and that making love to her rocks his world.

So, if you refrain from telling her girl that her physical appearance rocks your world, don ‘ t! She needs to hear it from you and telling her will make her understand how much she means to you.

#5 – I am sorry I hurt you. What can I do to make it up to you?

Apologies are important in every relationship. They can make or break even a happy one but they are often done incorrectly.

What do I mean? Here is an example:

A man comes home from work late. His boss kept him there later than he thought and he missed dinner with his family. His wife is fuming. He says I am sorry BUT my boss kept me there and I figured that you would understand.

Any apology followed by a ‘ ˜but ‘ immediately negates it. The reality is the reason why his wife was fuming was because she was hurt that he wasn ‘ t home and that he didn ‘ t call to tell her. She was hurt.

One of the sweetest things to say to your girlfriend is actually something that you don ‘ t say – but!

So, what makes up a good apology? One that you can give your woman that will make her feel like you care? I am sorry I hurt you. What can I do to make it up to you?

The most important part of an apology is acknowledging that you hurt someone. Even if you feel like what you did was unavoidable, you still hurt them. Acknowledging that and owning it will diffuse the situation right away.

And, if you give your partner the opportunity to let you know how to fix it, you can move on and get around to the fixing it part, which is way more fun!

Looking for sweet things to say to your girlfriend so she knows how you feel about her is an excellent step in forging a strong relationship.

The 5 Love Languages (if you don ‘ t know it, look it up) posits that we all feel love in certain ways: quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, gift giving and doing tasks. And I do believe this idea to be true.

That being said, women need to hear it from you. They need to have the words come out of your mouth and soak into their heart and their brain.

And don ‘ t forget, the most important one: I love you. I know that you might think that she knows that one but she still likes to hear it. Every day.

So, go forth. Use your words. Let your girlfriend know that she is the one for you!

Are you wondering what kind of sweet things to say to your girlfriend?
Let me help, NOW, so you both can both be happy!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

5 Things That Happen After Letting Go of Looking for Love

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Are you considering letting go of looking for love because you have been trying and trying and trying to find it and failing?

Are you sick of dating sites and coffee shops and endless conversations with people who definitely aren ‘ t the people for you?

I get it. Looking for love can be exhausting.

I always tell my clients that it ‘ s ok, letting go of looking for love. It doesn ‘ t have to be forever but sometimes taking a break is the best thing that you can do.

Why?

#1 – You can give yourself a rest.

Looking for love is exhausting work.

You have to make a dating profile, spend endless time swiping right or left, make tons of small talk with strangers, deal with people stalking you or disappearing, and then ultimately being disappointed when something doesn ‘ t work out.

Who has the time and strength to deal with that?

Letting go of looking for love will give you your life back. It will give you a chance to spend time with friends, exercise, binge watch your favorite show, got to bed early and maybe even read a book!

Imagine what that would feel like, to not spend all of your time in the pursuit of love but to take a break and rest. Pretty amazing right?

#2 – You can focus on yourself.

It sounds like a cliché, I know. It ‘ s a phrase people use when they have just recently broken up with someone and they want to seem strong.

But focusing on yourself is actually a fundamental part of being a healthy human, especially one in the dating world.

For many of us, dating means putting ourselves on hold. It ‘ s hard to be our authentic selves when we are dating because we always feel like we have to put our best foot forward, to be someone who others would want to be with.

As a result, we sometimes lose ourselves in the process.

We stop doing yoga because we don ‘ t have the time and we lose touch with how important it is for our sanity.

We stop having girls’ nights out with our friends because we want to be free to date and therefore we don ‘ t have people to laugh with or call us on our shit, both of which are super important.

We might neglect work or family or our dog, all in the pursuit of love.

Letting go of looking for love allows us to take some time to refocus on ourselves, to get to know ourselves again. To spend time with people we love, to make a priority the things that keep us sane and to curl up in bed with our puppy, watching our favorite old movies on Netflix.

And then, once we know and love ourselves again, we might be ready to put ourselves out into the dating world, having refamiliarized ourselves with how awesome we are.

#3 – You can think more about what you want in a person.

Have you ever been caught up in the dating process and realized that you might be dating some people for the wrong reasons?

Do you find that perhaps height or pets or distance from your apartment are the criteria on which you are basing your willingness to date someone?

If I asked you right now what you wanted in a person, would any of those three things be the first three items on your list? Probably not.

Imagine if you met a person out there in the world, through a friend or at a bar. If you liked them, if you felt that chemistry, would you know or care about whether they liked dogs or cats or whether or not they lived in New Jersey? Probably not.

So, if you are considering letting go of looking for love, know that it will give you the opportunity to step back and re-assess what is really important to you in a partner.

Make a list of what you want and of how your perfect person would make you feel. That way, when you do meet them, you will actually see them, no matter where they live with their cat.

#4 – You can get used to alone time.

People HATE it when I say this but I do think that it ‘ s really important.

It is essential that, if we are going to be in a successful relationship, that we are good with being alone.

I have a friend who, when she first got divorced, found that being alone was the most uncomfortable thing for her. As a result, she frantically looked for love, desperately needing to fill up that empty space left by her ex-husband.

Eventually she was exhausted by her search and decided to try to take some time off from dating. At first, she was still uncomfortable in her home but, after a time, she got used to it. She learned that being alone allowed her to truly be herself and to do what she wanted to do. There was no one to take care of or compromise with – it was her way, always. And she liked that.

Learning how to be alone, to not be desperate for the company of another person, changed my friend ‘ s life because with this lack of neediness she became a stronger, more self-confident person who, in turn, attracted stronger, more self-confident guys. Guys she really liked. And guys who had to prove themselves to be allowed into her space.

So, take some time getting to know yourself and spending time alone. You will be glad you did.

#5 – Love will find you.

There is a saying attributed to Henry David Thoreau that reads ‘ ˜Happiness is like a butterfly, the more you chase it, the more it will evade you, but if you notice the other things around you, it will gently come and sit on your shoulder. ‘

This is true with love as well.

We often pursue love like we train for a marathon or push to get ahead in our career. But love isn ‘ t found like that. Love is found when we are rested and know ourselves, when we are happy being alone and have the self-confidence to put our best foot forward.

If we continue our dogged pursuit of love without stopping and noticing the world around us we could miss all that is beautiful, including the love of that person we didn ‘ t see because we were swiping left or hyper focusing on that stunning man down the bar.

So, know that, if you are considering letting go of looking for love, doing so might be just what you need to find your forever person.

Letting go of looking for love is a big step, a leap of faith that in doing so you won ‘ t sabotage your love life forever.

The search for love is a marathon and not a sprint.

It is important that we take our time, nourish ourselves and the world, have self confidence that love will find us and that, if it doesn ‘ t right away, we will be okay alone.

Letting go of looking for love doesn ‘ t have to be forever. It ‘ s like pressing the pause button on a song or a TV show – something that you can get back to when you are ready.

So, take a moment. Step back from your pursuit of love. Believe that if you do, you will still find your happily ever after person, just maybe not today. And that ‘ s ok. You will find them someday – I promise.

Are you wondering about letting go of looking for love?
Let me help, NOW, and so you can start finding yourself again and find love!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

How To Stop Fighting with Your Partner & Save Your Relationship

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Are you wondering how to stop fighting with your partner? Has the frequency and the intensity of your fighting grown over time? Do you want to stop fighting so that you can find your way back to each other?

Conflict. We all have it.

We get angry with our mothers, our friends, our bosses and our kids. It is our partners, those we have chosen to love and cherish for a lifetime, with whom we seem to get the angriest. And this conflict, this anger, with our partners can be very destructive and get in the way of living the life of our dreams.

There are ways to get through conflict, however, and it is way easier than one would think.

#1 – Carefully choose the time to talk.

This is key.

If you talk to your partner when you are angry you will say things that you might not mean to say. Words said in the heat of the moment tend to cause a lot of pain and not necessarily be accurate.

Try to wait at least 2 hours after a disturbance before speaking up. This will give you the chance to calm down and speak more clearly. If you can talk calmly about exactly what you are upset about then you will be more likely to be able to work it out and not let the quarrel escalate.

Also, don ‘ t pick a known stressful time to talk, like during bedtime or just after work. Try to pick a time when you are both calm and can approach the conversation with good energy instead of bad. I know calm time can be hard to find but when properly motivated you can find it.

#2 – Do not attack.

This is very important and something that many of us do without thinking. And it gets us nowhere.

Let ‘ s say that your partner is always getting home from work late. Instead of saying ‘ You are always late. Why do you have to be such a jerk? ‘ try saying ‘ It makes me sad when you are always home late from work. I work hard to get us all together for a family dinner and I really miss it when you aren ‘ t there. ‘

Look carefully at the difference here. If you use the first example your partner will immediately get on the defensive and the conversation will be over before it begins.

In the second example you are sharing how you FEEL and no one can argue with how you FEEL. And how you feel is the truth.

What is not the truth is that your partner is a jerk for coming home late.

#3 – Make sure they know you are listening.

This is very hard to do and can feel very contrived but it is a key part of listening and being heard.

It ‘ s called a reflective response.

In the case of the example above, with the partner who didn ‘ t come home in time for dinner, the perfect response for them to say would be: ‘ I am sorry that my being late for dinner made you so sad. ‘ With that statement you know that your partner has understood what you are trying to say and that might deflate the argument.

The worst thing that you can do is to yell back at them or storm out, not letting them speak and get their feelings out. Because if you do that, the issue will come up again. Over and over and over.

#4 – Try to remember that we are all only human.

We all make mistakes. More often than not our troublesome actions are not a reflection of our feelings about someone but are the result of a variety of things (time, motivation, energy level, distractions) that all work together and create a situation that isn ‘ t ideal.

A client of mine’s husband came home on Saturday without picking out the windows that he promised her he would pick out. She was furious and said something like ‘if you loved me you would have picked out the windows.’

The reality was that his mother had called when he was on his way and he had to run over to help her with something. Yes, it’s not ideal but it is the reason why he couldn’t do what she had asked, not because he didn’t love he.

Next time you are quick to react to something your husband does, take a moment a try to figure out why it happened. Perhaps you won ‘ t need the two hours to decompress after all.

#5 – Be ready to say sorry and to forgive.

This can be the hardest thing of all for people ‘ ¦ to say they are sorry and to forgive perceived wrongs… but it is one of the most important parts of any relationship.

Why don ‘ t we want to say we are sorry? Because it will convey weakness? Because we can ‘ t let go of our anger? Because we are embarrassed by our actions?

Whatever the reason, we need to learn how to do it. Next time you are having a disagreement with your partner, try apologizing. See how quickly the anger deflates, on both sides.

With the husband who came home late, he should start with ‘I am sorry that my lateness made you sad. ‘ That is apologizing not for the lateness but because of the pain his wife suffered from it.

What shouldn’t be said is “I am sorry that my lateness made you sad BUT I couldn’t help it.” In an apology, a BUT makes the apology completely ineffective. The BUT means you are making an excuse. The reality is is that you caused pain, not matter the reason, and that needs to be acknowledged.

In the same vein, we need to forgive and not hold onto anger. Holding on to anger is one of the most destructive forces in any relationship. If your partner apologizes for his or her actions you need to find it in your heart to remember that they are only human and that they have taken responsibility for their actions and that life must move forward.

Learning how to stop fighting with your partner is a key part of keeping your relationship healthy.

Conflict, and the resulting anger, with anyone can be devastating and especially so with a partner. Left unchecked anger can take on a life of it’s own and destroy everything in its path.

Don ‘ t let that happen to you. Try to carefully choose your time to talk. Don’t attack. Let them know you are listening and don’t hold on to the anger.

And then, perhaps, you can settle down to a nice peaceful, conflict free evening.

Sounds worth it, no?

Are you wondering how to stop fighting with your partner?
Let me help, NOW, and learn how to do so that you can be happy!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

5 Toxic Thoughts that Sabotage Getting Over Someone

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Are you working hard at getting over someone but are you finding that it is very difficult and that the pain just won ‘ t go away? I get it!

There is nothing worse than a broken heart and getting over someone isn ‘ t easy.

Surprisingly, one of the biggest obstacles to getting over someone is our toxic thoughts. The negative tapes that go around and around in our head. These thoughts can stop our broken heart recovery in it ‘ s tracks.

So, what kind of toxic thoughts can sabotage getting over someone?

#1 – I am a total loser.

For many of us, when we are left, we can ‘ t help but take it personally, to believe that our person would never have left us if we weren ‘ t such a loser. If we had been better looking or smarter or funnier or anyway other than we were then our person would still love us and we wouldn ‘ t be feeling this way.

Break ups happen for many reasons but usually it ‘ s not because one person is a loser.

People are complicated and, at the beginning, that complication doesn ‘ t matter. What matters is the chemistry, the connection, the attraction. But, once the relationship settles down, they can become complicated.

I have a client who loves his girlfriend deeply but who doesn ‘ t want to break up with her in spite of the fact that they don ‘ t get along at all. They have disagreements about just about everything and some of them are fundamental to their personal beliefs. And yet, when I suggest breaking up, my client shuts me down because he loves her.

Neither one of these people are ‘ ˜losers. ‘ Both of them are people in the world who are trying to meld their lives together but who can ‘ t do so because of basic personality differences.

So, if you are sitting around telling yourself that you are a loser because your person left you, try to realize that you aren ‘ t a loser, that the reasons for the breakup are complicated and as much about your person as about you.

If you don ‘ t believe me, go ask your friends!

#2 – I will never love or be loved again.

One of biggest reasons that I see people stay with people they shouldn ‘ t stay with is because they are worried if they walk away from this person they will never find someone else to love. That no one will ever love them back.

I am here to tell you that, if you are thinking these thoughts, they are patently untrue. I have never, in all my years of coaching, met someone who hasn ‘ t met someone else after a break up. (Although I do have one client who has chosen to be single and is happy!)

There is a big wide world out there and there is lots of love to be had. You will never find that love, however, if all of your energy is given to this person who is making you unhappy. Once you put your energy out into the world, you will invite love in and it will find you.

Over the years after my divorce, I used to wonder what the love of my life was doing at that moment. Was he with his kids, skiing, working? I had no idea who he was but I knew that he was out there, living, waiting to find me.

#3 – If we could just go back to the way we were in the beginning.

I hear this from so many of my clients – if we could just go back to the way things were in the beginning we would live happily ever after. I am afraid to say, it ‘ s impossible to go back to the beginning.

As I said above, the beginning of a relationship is a magical time. There is deep personal and chemical attraction, the nights spent talking and the days spent having adventures. The hope that the two of you have a wonderful future together is irresistible.

Unfortunately, the beginning just isn ‘ t sustainable. It a time when we are being our best selves and our chemicals rule. Once the beginning turns into the middle, things change.

People’s real selves begin to emerge. Fissures become evident. Incompatibilities rear their ugly head. Relationships then get complicated and they can fall apart.

So, don ‘ t waste even a moment of time thinking that if you can just get back to the beginning you will live happily ever after. The beginning is over and what is happening now is how it will be going forward.

#4 – Someone else will get the best part of them.

I have a client who was with her beau for 8 years. Their first years were magical but then he began to struggle with his business. He became moody and depressed and spent more and more time away from home. She didn ‘ t want to but she knew that the time had come to leave him, that he would never change.

She has left him and is happily living her own life. Recently she saw her ex on Instagram with his new girlfriend. She was immediately stricken by how happy he looked. She assured me that this new girl had fixed him and that they would live happily ever after.

I can assure you that, unless they do serious work on themselves after a breakup, people don ‘ t just magically get better with their next person. Rather, they at first bring forth that wonderful person, the one you fell in love with, but then, after time, just like with what happened with you, the real person emerges and the cycle begins again.

So, don ‘ t convince yourself that if your ex looks happy on social media that he is all fixed. I can promise you that it’s just not true.

#5 – If I can change I can get them back.

I have so many clients who believe that if they change they can get their person to come back to them. And, while sometimes that works, more often than not it doesn ‘ t.

There are two people in every relationship and if one is willing to do the work and make change and the other isn ‘ t, it isn ‘ t likely that there is a reconciliation in the future. There might be a short term coming back together but the reunion won ‘ t stick because your issues will still be there.

The better course of action is to do the work on yourself, get to know yourself again and look for a person with whom your baggage ‘ ˜matches. ‘ Don ‘ t try to twist yourself into a pretzel to be the person your ex wants you to be.

Getting over someone can be one of the hardest things that you will ever do in your life.

And I know that right now it seems completely impossible but I can promise you that it ‘ s not. I can promise you that, with time and awareness, life will go on and you will be happy and in love again,

In the meantime, manage those toxic thoughts and don’t let them impede you getting over someone.

Don ‘ t believe you are a loser or that you will never love again. Don ‘ t look back and try to hold onto who they were. Don ‘ t fantasize about who they are now because you just have no idea and don ‘ t change for them – do it for you.

I know that is seems impossible but love is out there waiting for it. Get yourself off the couch and go find it! I did!

Are you really wondering if getting over someone is even possible?
Let me help, NOW, and learn how to do it so you can move forward!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

How To Speak Up For Yourself and Get What You Want

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Are you wondering how to speak up for yourself and get what you want? I get it. Asking for what you want is incredibly difficult, especially for women.

Tonight I have to have a difficult conversation with my boyfriend. I am dreading it. I am sitting here thinking about what to say and what he is going to say and how he could hate me, maybe even break up with me, by the end of it.

As a result, I am really questioning whether I should even bring it up at all or I should let my issue go, no matter how unhappy I am.

The life coach in me knows that while my hesitations and fears are real, there are many approaches that I can take that will allow us to have a successful conversation, one where I can stand up for myself and be more assertive so that I can be happy

What can I do to ensure that the conversation is productive and allows us both to walk away happy?

#1 – I won ‘ t assume anything.

As I sit here thinking about what tonight is going to look like, I am visualizing all sorts of reactions from my boyfriend around what I am going to say. Some are calm, some are angry, some involve tears.

The worse scenarios are what I am most focused on, the things that I fear the most. That he will hate me or break up with me and be upset with me.

And they are all that I can think about. Almost more even than the content of the talk. I just don ‘ t know what will happen and it worries me.

But I know that I have to let go of those projected outcomes. I have NO IDEA how he is going to react and to spend even one minute perseverating about what they might be is a complete waste of time.

So, I let have to let them go and accept that whatever happens will happen and that I can’t control the outcome by thinking about it ahead of time.

#2 – I will choose the right time and place.

When my kids were little and I had to discuss something difficult with them I always chose to do it in one of two places: in the car or on a walk.

I have found it very effective to have difficult conversations with someone when side by side instead of face to face. I think that perhaps it makes each participant a little less vulnerable and gives them a moment more to react to a statement. The eyes can say so much, sometimes quickly, which can cause the conversation to devolve in some way.

I also always chose a time that was not stressful. Tonight my boyfriend is coming over for dog therapy, pizza and football. His top 3 things in this world. He will be happy and then we will begin. Softly.

By choosing a good time and place to talk, I am setting myself up to be more confident in what I want because I know that I will be more comfortable in the situation and more able to speak my truth.

#3 – I will not attack.

My goal in this conversation is to have an effective, difficult talk. One that lands on it’s mark, allows me to be assertive and has a satisfactory end result. To do this, it ‘ s important not to attack.

My boyfriend is struggling with a few issues in our relationship. I will tell him that I have a feeling that he is struggling and that I would like to support him in any way.

What I will not say is ‘ Why are you doing these stupid things over and over? ‘

I can guarantee that the only thing that will do is shut him down. And make him leave.

By talking about how you feel, vs how he is behaving, you can not only be clearer in your discussion, because really the only accurate perspective that you have is yours, and also you will prevent a quarrel because he can ‘ t push back against your feelings in a way that he could push back against your accusations.

So talk about how you feel, not about the things he does. It will be way more effective. I promise!

#4 – I will listen.

This is so important. You need to be very careful to listen to what you are hearing back from the person with whom you are talking. Not only could you get some valuable information but, by letting them know that you are paying attention, you will be more likely to get the outcome that you seek, namely sticking up for yourself successfully.

Try reflective listening. Many people find it difficult but it really works. After they speak say ‘ I hear you saying that ‘ ¦.and I get it. ‘ Words that will allow them to feel heard, validated and empathized with. Often, all people want to be is heard and not feeling so makes them angry and makes them shut down or storm off.

And if your person gets angry and storms off you are way more likely to capitulate and not speak up for yourself, to be less assertive and end up unhappy. Again.

#5 – I will feel confident.

I know this conversation tonight with my boyfriend seems like it might be the end of the world but really, no matter what, it ‘ s all going to be okay.

I always tell my clients to consider ‘ what is the worst that can happen? ‘

For me, I know that the worse that could happen would be the death of my child. That I don ‘ t think I could survive. But you know what? I probably could. Regardless, that won’t happen tonight, because of this conversation.

So, yes, a conversation might bring about pain and discomfort and maybe even produce some short, or long, term effects but really, everyone is going to be okay.

You will be especially ok if you speak up for what you want and need. Imagine how that would feel, knowing that you have been heard, as opposed to how it would feel, walking away, feeling like you let yourself down again.

It is an excellent skill to have – to speak up for yourself and get what you want.

Asking for what you want can be difficult but doing so is necessary.

Now that I am done worrying about possible outcomes I have my list of things I want to address and am going to do so carefully and with love.

And while there might be some tears and discomfort, I know that, really, everything is going to be okay. If I can speak up for myself, be more assertive, that, ultimately, I will be happier. We will still love each other and that life will go on.

I can do this. And you can too!

Are you really wondering how to speak up for yourself and get what you want?
Let me help, NOW, and learn how to do it so you can move forward!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

5 Consequences Of Having No Boundaries In Marriage

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Have you just walked down the aisle and are you wondering what are the consequences of having no boundaries in marriage?

For that matter, do you have no idea what marriage boundaries are or where to start?

I have helped many couples establish and stick to boundaries in their marriage and I know, first hand, the disastrous consequences of having no boundaries in marriage.

To understand healthymarriage boundaries look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds your life together. They hold your food and your bed and your possessions and it ‘ s where you live your life.

Healthy marriage boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your marriage as it matures. To have a healthy relationship, one that can grow and be fruitful, it is important that it has structures, boundaries, that support it.

Healthy marriage boundaries come in many shapes, sizes and colors.

A few examples:

*Make sure you stay yourself

*Allow yourselves time apart

*Communication is important

*Mutual respect at all times

*Keep the power dynamic equal

*Making time for both sides of the family

*Respecting others friends and hobbies

Of course, it ‘ s important for each couple to decide what works for them but it is important that every couple establish some boundaries early and stick to them. For the sake of their marriage.

So, what are the consequences of having no boundaries in marriage?

#1 – There are no established rules.

At it ‘ s most fundamental, lack of boundaries in marriage means that there are no established rules or guidelines in the relationship. The four walls of the house that is marriage have not been built and as a result the foundation of the relationship is already shaky.

It is very important that each couple have a set of rules of work from – things that they both are clear about and committed to keeping. Without those rules, couples are forced to stab around in the dark, trying to make their other person happy but not really knowing how.

For example, when I was married, the number one boundary that my ex and I should have set was to set parameters around the visiting times with both of our families. We should have talked about where we would spend the holidays, what they would look like, how birthdays were to be celebrated and our obligation for daily tasks. We didn ‘ t do that and, as a result, our new family got torn apart by the demands of our extended one.

So, if you and your partner don ‘ t know what rules to follow you will be lost from the very beginning because you have no path to follow.

#2 – You could lose yourselves and each other.

One of the biggest consequences of having no boundaries in marriage is that it is possible for each member of the couple to lose their individuality.

For many couples they believe that all free time should be spent together, doing together things, even things that one member of the couple might not like to do. And time together is, of course, important. But time apart, spending time with friends and family, doing the things that we love individually, allows us to maintain our individuality in the relationship.

It is that individuality that initially attracted you to each other and if you lose that individuality because of your relationship, that attraction will be affected. And if you no longer are a person in the world, but only part of a twosome, then you will lose your connection with yourself which could make you unhappy and a not very desirable partner.

And as a result, not only could you lose yourself but you could also lose each other.

#3 – Contempt grows.

Another one of the big consequences of having no boundaries in marriage is that, because of misunderstandings and a thousand little cuts, anger and contempt build and grow without you even knowing it.

Contempt is defined as the feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn. I believe that the presence of contempt is the beginning of the end for any relationship.

When you are in a relationship and you are trying to keep it healthy, treating your partner like they don ‘ t matter is a sure way to sabotage it. Think about when your partner rolls his eyes at what you say or mocks the words that come out of your mouth or insults your ideas and intelligence. How horrible does that feel? Does it make you want to work to make things better? Not so much.

Contempt comes from the lack of defined rules in a marriage, from the lack of boundaries. It is essential that boundaries are created early on so that contempt doesn ‘ t have a chance to rear it ‘ s ugly head.

#4 – Communication becomes impossible.

Another one of the consequences of having no boundaries in marriage is that, over time, communication can become impossible.

Communication is a skill that is developed over the course of a marriage. And marriage is long. If you don ‘ t establish, from the beginning, the importance of communicating and staying in touch then you will risk, over time, losing the ability to communicate anything with your partner, good or bad.

Think about the unhappily married people who you know. How good are they at talking to each other? Do they snip and argue and roll their eyes and talk about each other behind their backs? Do you see them talking to each other with respect and honesty? Probably not.

So, it is important that boundaries are defined around the importance of communication in a marriage because communication is the bedrock of marriages. And without it, the consequences can be disastrous.

#5 – Your eyes could wander.

Unfortunately, when one ‘ s marriage is suffering because of a lack of defined boundaries, when people are stabbing around in the dark to make each other happy, when they have lost themselves and are angry and mean to each other, it is not uncommon for people to turn to others for support.

When I was married, many of my friends were miserable and many of them found themselves turning to their friends for support. And many of themselves found themselves turning to men they knew for support. Not all of them went down that slippery slope to an emotional affair but many of them did.

They were no longer communicating with their partner, their daily lives were full of anger and contempt and they felt lost in their marriage. With their new confidant they didn ‘ t feel that way. They felt happy and appreciated and loved. And they fell in love with someone who wasn ‘ t their partner.

The most disastrous consequence of not setting boundaries in marriage is that it can lead to one or both of you turning to others for the things that you want in your marriage. And when this happens, the shit really hits the fan.

I am not saying that, if you don ‘ t establish boundaries, your marriage will be rocked by infidelity but I am saying that couples can be torn apart by the things that boundaries are set to protect.

There are many dire consequences of not having boundaries in marriage. Some of them small and some of them bigger.

It is important that young couples take a good hard look at what is important to them early on so that they can create mutual understanding and define a game plan for what is important to them, both individually and as a couple.

Marriage is long and difficult but it can be wonderful if you do the hard work ahead of time to make it so.

Are you really wondering about boundaries in marriage?
Let me help, NOW, and get you off to a good start!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

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