Why Are Boundaries Important In Marriage?

/by

Are you newly married and are you wondering why are boundaries important in marriage?

Do you have no idea what marriage boundaries are or where to start?

Fortunately, I have helped many couples establish and stick to boundaries in their marriage. Let me help you!

To understand healthymarriage boundaries look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds your life together. They hold your food and your bed and your possessions and it ‘ s where you live your life.

Healthy marriage boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your marriage as it matures. To have a healthy relationship, one that can grow and be fruitful, it is important that it has structures, boundaries, that support it.

Healthy marriage boundaries come in many shapes, sizes and colors. Really, it ‘ s important for each couple to decide what works for them. But there are a few boundaries that are essential for every healthy marriage.

#1 – Be yourself always.

For many people, when they are married, they become less of themselves.

Many people, men and women take on their spouse ‘ s friendships, their hobbies and their ways of doing things.

It is VERY important that all peoplestay themselveswhen in a relationship.

Why? Because every healthy relationship is based on truth and if you are anything other than your true self your marriage will never be really healthy.

It is also important that you continue to respect yourself and you will respect yourself by being yourself. By continuing to have your friends, to do your own hobbies, to have a career that you love and a healthy lifestyle that serves you, you will wake up every day feeling good about yourself.

And when you feel good about yourself your partner will love you even more because he knows you are being your true self, someone who is ambitious and smart and willing to take risks to get what she wants.

So be yourself in your relationship. Ahealthy marriagerequires it.

#2 – Let go of rigidity and be flexible.

I have a client whose new husband moved into a house that she already owned. Right away they had issues because it was her house and she wanted to do things her way and that just wasn ‘ t okay with him.

It is important that everyone be flexible in a relationship. Just like you would at work or with your family, it is important to work with your partner so that you can both live a life that is authentic to you.

You know the phrase ‘ My way or the highway? ‘ That phrase has no place in any healthy marriage.

So, embrace flexibility. Choose the things that are important to you and stay true to them but be willing to see what might be important to your man and work with him so that you both can live a life that makes you happy. Together and apart.

#3 – Maintain mutual respect.

One of the biggest romance killers in a marriage is lack of respect and contempt.

The saying ‘ ˜familiarity breeds contempt ‘ is an accurate one and something that happens in many marriages over the years.

It is important in every relationship that you each respect each other. Respect each other within the confines of your relationship by speaking to each other honestly, sharing your feelings and needs in an open way. By not attacking each other personally and criticizing each other ‘ s behaviors and actions.

Furthermore, it ‘ s important to not criticize your partner out in the world. The general rule of thumb is that you not tell something about your partner to anyone that you haven ‘ t already shared with your partner.

When I was married, I talked to my friends WAY more about the problems in my marriage than I did to my husband. This didn ‘ t do our relationship any good because we weren ‘ tcommunicatingand giving our relationship a chance to improve. And when we were together I treated my husband with contempt because I no longer respected him.

I am no longer married.

So, make sure you treat each other with respect, both inside and outside the relationship.

#4 – Keep the power dynamic even.

In many marriages it happens that at some point one person becomes the one calling the shots. And while this seems to work on one level, ultimately the relationship will become uneven. And when power dynamics are unequal, a marriage can change.

Make an effort to keep the decision making even in your marriage. If you are good at organizing your social life then do that but give him opportunity to choose events. If he is good at managing the finances let him do that but continue to have input into where the money goes and why.

Letting your marriage ‘ s playing field become uneven allows it to slip into a sort of parent/child dynamic, where one person is in charge and the other does as they are told. Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you?

Not so much.

#5 – Know that time apart is okay.

When they are falling in love, couples want to spend every available minute together. The feelings that accompany falling in love are addictive and hard to walk away from even for a short while.

It is important, however, that you spend time apart from the one you love.

You know the old saying ‘ ˜absence makes the heart grow fonder? ‘ It ‘ s true!

Think about how you feel when you go on a diet. How you can ‘ t eat ice cream for a month while you lose those 5 pounds and, man, do you miss your ice cream. It ‘ s the same thing in a relationship. Stepping away from your partner, even for a bit, makes you both notice the void that is created in his or her absence.

And then the heart grows fonder.

So, spend some time apart. Miss each other. Value each other. Keep that spark alive.

Wondering why are boundaries important in marriage is an excellent way to ensure that you have a good strong relationship that will last forever.

Marriages are built from two people who have two separate lives and two separate ways of living. It is important that the couple build a new life together. A new life with four walls that will keep it safe and strong.

So, don ‘ t let one of you be in charge, respect each other, like yourself, spend time apart and be flexible.

Talk to your partner and build your house from a place of love and beauty and self-confidence, one that will be strong enough to stand the test of time and allow your marriage to be a healthy one.

You can do it!

Are you struggling with setting boundaries in your marriage?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before problems start!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

How To Know If Surviving Infidelity Without Counseling Is Possible For You

/by

Have you discovered that your partner has been cheating? Do you hope nonetheless for a reconciliation? Are you wondering if surviving infidelity without counseling is possible?

The betrayal of a loved one can be devastating but it doesn ‘ t have to be the end of a relationship or the death of your happy life. There are ways to deal with it and survive it without counseling but it will take a lot of presence of mind, life skills and determination.

Let me walk you through how surviving infidelity without counseling is possible.

#1 – Is the other person completely out of the picture.

A very important piece of surviving infidelity and keeping your relationship intact is whether or not the other person is completely out of the picture.

Working on a marriage when the other person is still around is literally impossible. Your partner and their lover are connected in a deep way. If you have been told that they are ‘ ˜now just friends ‘ or they don ‘ t ‘ ˜see ‘ each other anymore but still talk, then that person is NOT out of the picture.

If the other person isn ‘ t out of the picture you and your partner will fail in any attempts to regain loving feelings about each other because you will always be suspicious and feel less loved and your partner will stay emotionally connected to the person who was their lover.

So, the first step in all of this is ensuring the other person is gone. Only once that is the case can you proceed to the next steps.

#2 – Do you genuinely want it to work?

Your partner has done the unimaginable – they have fooled around on you. They have betrayed the commitment you have made to each other. They have broken your heart.

So, let me ask you this – do you still want to be in a relationship with this person?

This is a key part of surviving infidelity without counseling. If you aren ‘ t determined to make this work, if every fiber of your being knows that, if possible, you would like to get your relationship back, then any efforts to save it will be futile.

Being determined doesn ‘ t guarantee success but, without out it, you are doomed to failure.

#3 – Can you still communicate with each other?

If you and you partner are still able to communicate with each other then surviving infidelity without counseling is definitely possible.

Communication is the most important tool for fixing what is broken. You will need to communicate how you are feeling and your partner will need to communicate how they got to the place where infidelity was even an option.

You will need to work together to identify issues in your relationship and make a concrete plan to work on those issues together.You will need to understand each other ‘ s wants and needs and be committed to making change.

The only way to do that effectively is by being able to communicate clearly with each other – to speak and listen and make sure each other are heard and understood.

#4 – Can you let go of the anger?

Your partner has fooled around on you and of course you are ANGRY. Who wouldn ‘ t be? But can you let go of it and move on?

If you are holding onto anger, anger at yourself for your naiveté, anger at your partner for their wandering hands, then working on surviving infidelity without counseling will be impossible. Your anger will interfere with your communication, your anger will interfere with wanting to make things work, your anger will cloud your emotions so that you can ‘ t think clearly.

If you are still angry with your partner, and the situation, take some time to work through that anger and let it go. Once you have been able to let it go then you will be able to start working with your partner to get through the mess.

I know letting go of anger is easier said than done but it is possible!

#5 – Can you forgive?

This final piece is really important – can you forgive your partner?

Forgiveness is a key part of surviving infidelity. Again, you have been betrayed. Do you have the ability to accept and understand the where and why it happened and not hold it over your partner’s head going forward?

It is possible to forgive even if it ‘ s not possible to forget. It might take some time to get there but if you can do so then you have a real chance at saving your relationship and living the rest of your lives together happily.

So, take some time. Do some reading about forgiveness, what it means and how to get there. See if you can forgive your partner and move on.

Surviving infidelity without counseling might seem impossible. But it isn ‘ t.

Every day, many couples come back from the betrayal of infidelity and live happy lives together.

If the other person is out of the picture, if you can still communicate, if you have determination, if you aren ‘ t stuck in anger and can forgive, then you have a good chance of being able to get past this and move on.

Of course, if you try to work on your relationship without counseling and fail, it is still possible to take that next step and get some professional help to get you through it. Therapists and life coaches are trained in helping people move past difficult situations and sometimes expert help is just what you need to take that next step.

Good luck with this next period in your life. You can do it!!

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really be struggling with surviving infidelity.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before you lose your relationship.

Email me at [email protected], or click here, and let’s get started!

21 ‘How To Let Go Of Love’ Quotes That Will Help You Move On

/by

Sharing how to let go of love quotes is one of my favorite things to do as a relationship coach.

I have written countless articles about how to know when to let go of love, how to do it and what to do next. I counsel women every day and support them through this tumultuous time.

Today, I was going to write another article but instead decided to share the wisdom of others.I truly believe that sharing in the experience of others with a broken heart is one of the best ways for us to heal.

Every day thousands of people, like you, have their hearts broken. And, every day, broken hearts are healed and life goes on. Hearing the words of others, and listening to their stories, can help you let go of love and move forward in life.

So, let’s begin.

Every time I think about you, I have to remind myself that if you wanted to talk to me, you would. – Anon

Letting go doesn ‘ t mean that you don ‘ t care about someone anymore. It ‘ s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.Deborah Reber

Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.Steve Maraboli

Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.Roy T. Bennett

Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake and help us see we are worth so much more than we ‘ re settling for.Mandy Hale

Today expect something good to happen to you no matter what occurred yesterday. Realize the past no longer holds you captive. It can only continue to hurt you if you hold on to it. Let the past go. A simply abundant world awaits.Sarah Ban Breathnach

The truth was, he now belonged only to my past, and it was time I begin to accept it, as much as it hurt to do so.Tammara Webber

I loved with every inch of my being, but I realized one day if loving him meant losing me then loving him was not enough any anymore. Nikki Rowe

The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving.Elizabeth Gilbert

Holding on is believing that there ‘ s a past; letting go is knowing that there ‘ s a future. Daphne Rose Kingma

I think that you never fall out of love with somebody; you just let go and move on. Ashley Rickards

The most difficult aspect of moving on is accepting that the other person already did. Faraaz Kazi

You don’t need strength to let go of something. What you really need is understanding.Guy Finley

Letting go does not mean you stop caring. It means you stop trying to force others to.Mandy Hale

It’s not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential.Bruce Lee

Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose. Lyndon B. Johnson

If you ‘ re going through hell, keep going.Winston Churchill

Sometimes the hardest part isn ‘ t letting go but rather learning to start over. Nicole Sobon

Sometimes you have to take a step back to move forward.Erika Taylor

It hurts to let go, but sometimes it hurts more to hold on. Anon

Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it. Justin Timberlake

Learning how to let go of love is something that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy because the pain is truly like none other.

How to let go of love quotes can really help when you need it most.

Remember, in the words of Coco Ginger -‘When we are in love, we are convinced nobody else will do. But as time goes, others do do, and often do do, much much better.’

If you are letting go of love, know that this is not your last love but that letting go of this one opens the door for a new, better, love to come in.

I promise.

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really be struggling with how to let go of love.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before you get even more stuck.

Email me at [email protected], or click here, and let’s get started!

5 Tips For Letting Go Of Love With Love For Yourself

/1 Comment/by

Do you wake up every day, struggling with a break-up that has left you devastated? Are you wondering about tips for letting go of love with love for yourself?

Has all the reading that you ‘ ve done, all the conversations that you have had with friends, all the things that you ‘ ve heard from your mother, are they all helping you understand that the best way for you to get over your loss is by learning to love yourself?

It ‘ s true! The best way to truly recover from a break-up is to start loving yourself fully and completely.

So, what are some ideas for letting go of love with love for yourself?

#1 – Do things that comfort you.

When your heart is broken and you feel like your life is over, one of the best things that you can do is self-care. Your body and your spirit may feel broken but some nurturing will help them heal.

When my husband left me, I was left devastated and alone. My house was empty, my kids were gone and my husband no longer came home at the end of the day. My days were endless and I didn ‘ t know how I was going to survive being alone.

One day, a Groupon appeared in my inbox from Massage Envy, offering a 60 minute massage for $40. I had nothing to do so I bought the Groupon and I made an appointment for a massage.

That massage was one of the best hours of my life. I was in a warm room, on a cozy table and I had a lovely woman attending to my aches and pains, making me feel loved and cared for.

I realized that day, when I am emerged from the spa feeling rejuvenated and alive, that doing things that comforted me was what I would need to help me moving forward.

From that day on, I would spend some time every day doing things to take care of myself. I did yoga, went for walks, spent time antiquing with girlfriends and drank whiskey by the fire on cold winter nights.

By nurturing myself, by loving myself, I was able to get the strength that I needed to let go of the loss of my marriage. I was truly letting go of love with love for myself.

#2 – Do things that make you feel good.

Another thing that I did during the months after my husband left was I started volunteering at a local food bank.

Volunteering was good for me for two reasons. The first was that it filled hours in my day, hours that I might otherwise have spent wallowing in my pain. Instead, I spent those hours helping those in need get food to feed their families. I met many people and saw a lot of tears, and even more smiles, during those hours at the food bank. I recognized how fortunate I was for all that I had and seeing the strength and perseverance of people who were going hungry gave me strength to take care of myself.

A big part of loving yourself is taking care of other people. If you have the opportunity in your day to help another person, do it. There ‘ s nothing better than helping someone in need to nurture love of self.

#3 – Spend time with those who love you.

When your heart is broken and you are feeling alone, one of the best remedies is spending time with those who love you.

Spending time with those who love you will remind you of all the reasons why you should love yourself.

A client of mine was recently left by a man she considered to be the love for life. What he really was was an abuser, someone who isolated her from her family and friends, who belittled her and made her believe that she was nothing. By the time he left, she had no love for herself. Only self-hate.

Because she was left without a place to live, my client returned home. Her parents welcomed her with open arms. Her brothers and sisters who lived nearby came over regularly. Her family circled the wagons and showed her their love.

Being surrounded by people who loved her and who believed in her helped my client start to remember the woman who she used to be. When she started loving herself again she was able to see how much her man had hurt her and how much better off she was without him.

So, if you are dealing with the loss of lover, reconnect with your friends and family. They love you for who you are and that ‘ s exactly what you need to be reminded of right now.

#4 – Accomplish something.

Soon after I got divorced, I decided to get my life coach certification. I had always been a wife and a mother but I decided it was time to follow my life goal of being a healer.

Once I was certified, I set down the daunting path of building my own business. Starting a life coach business, building a website, figuring out marketing, networking and attracting clients was one of the hardest things I ‘ ve ever had to do. Some days I woke up so frustrated, wanting to just throw in the towel and go get a regular job.

But I didn ‘ t. I persevered. And, over the course of the past six years, I have built a thriving life coaching business where every day I help men and women navigate their lives so that they can be happy.

Making something of myself after being left behind by my husband enabled me to let go of the pain of the loss because I knew that I was amazing, that I could do anything and that any man who didn ‘ t want to be with me was missing out.

What do you want to do? If you are struggling with letting go of love, it ‘ s time to take that step. Be the person you ‘ ve always wanted to be, do what you have always wanted to do.

#5 – Make a list of all you have to offer.

Those of us who are single all have a list of attributes that we want in a man. We want them to be smart and funny and handsome and athletic and successful and more. And, of course, we should want those things. Because we are awesome.

I always encourage my clients to not only make a list of the attributes they want in a man but to make a list of why a man would be lucky to have them.

My list looks something like this: I am a good friend, a great mother and an exceptional caregiver. I am tough as nails, I have lived all over the world, I am intelligent, funny, kind and successful at whatever I try. I am willing to take risks. I ‘ m willing to make myself vulnerable. Any man would be lucky to have me.

I typed up this list and put it on my refrigerator. Every day, instead of reading a list of what I wanted in a man, I read a list of why a man should want to be with me. Every day I remind myself that loving myself is the key to letting go of the love that I have lost and finding a new love for my future.

Letting go of love with love for yourself is one of the healthiest ways to get through these difficult times.

It ‘ s so easy to focus on everything that is wrong with you when you have been rejected but DON ‘ T.

Do things to take care of yourself, do things to take care of the world, spend time with family and friends who love you, accomplish something and take stock of what an amazing woman you are.

I know it seems like the pain of your loss will last forever but I can promise you that learning to love yourself will help ease the pain in the short run and set you up to find the love of your life down the road.

You can do it!

Are you struggling with letting go of love and finding yourself?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

5 Reasons to be Happy if You Are Single on Valentine’s Day

/by

Valentines Day is here! The day you have been waiting for all year. A day that is all about love and chocolate. Really what else does one need?

Except, oh yeah, you aren ‘ t in a relationship this year so you are going to be single on Valentine’s Day and you are going to be the ONLY one without a date. Woe is you.

C ‘ mon people! Valentine ‘ s Day is a day to celebrate love. In all it ‘ s forms. So let ‘ s do it!

There are many reasons to be happy if you are single on Valentine ‘ s Day. Here are 5 of them.

#1 – The pressure is off.

I have a client who just yesterday was lamenting that Valentine ‘ s Day was right around the corner. Every year she has such big expectations for the day and every year her husband lets her down completely. One year he split a dozen roses with a co-worker and brought them home. Really.

Did you know that post – Valentine ‘ s Day is the #2 time of year for break ups (#1 is right after New Years when people think ‘ I am not going to do one more holiday with this person. ‘ ) And the reason for Valentine ‘ s break ups is because people feel let down, again.

This year, because you are single, you get to make whatever you want out of your Valentine ‘ s Day. What do you want to do? Get a bunch of friends and drink tequila? Go to a sappy movie? Dance the night away? Binge watch Game of Thrones? Whatever you want. The sky is the limit. And it ‘ s your choice.

And just imagine that, for once, Valentine ‘ s Day will be everything that you want it to be because you are in charge.

#2 – Eat chocolate.

Let ‘ s get right down to it. Valentine ‘ s Day is particularly about the love of chocolate. And who doesn ‘ t love chocolate? If there was ever a reason to be happy that you are single on Valentine ‘ s Day is that you can have chocolate, as much as you want and all to yourself.

Word on the street is that dark chocolate is the best for you. It is very nutritious, is a great source of anti-oxidents, improves blood flow and lowers blood pressure and it helps balance your cholesterol.

Personally, I like milk chocolate which may not have the same qualities as dark but it makes me smile every time I eat it. Especially if there is caramel in the middle.

So, eat chocolate! On this day, eat as much as you want. It ‘ s not like you are going to have to get naked in front of someone at the end of the day. Do it!

I personally have a bowl of chocolate pudding with my name on it in my fridge, waiting for me to indulge. Kind of exciting.

#3 – You can love that most important person. Yourself.

This is a tough one. It ‘ s really hard to love ourselves much less put ourselves first on the list of those we love. But it ‘ s very important that we do and Valentine ‘ s Day is a great day to practice that.

I personally have a list of the things that I love about myself and that list is going to be front and center for me on Valentine ‘ s Day.

I love that I am a direct and honest person, sometimes to a fault, but it is a thing that people say they appreciate about me. I love that I have so many friends who know they can rely on me to be there, anytime and anywhere. I love that I am funny and sarcastic and a fabulous flirt. I love how I feel walking down the street in my tight jeans and cowboy boots. I love the work I do with my clients. I love that I am 53 and rocking it.

There is a lot to love about me and damn if I am not going to recognize that on this day that is all about love.

And I am going to eat some chocolate to celebrate how awesome I am.

#4 – It ‘ s a reminder that it’s time to make a move.

It ‘ s so easy to just give up on our search for love. This modern world makes finding love difficult. We are all so busy and connected to our devices and it ‘ s very hard to look up and see all of the people who are around us.

Now is the time to take stock of how important a relationship is to you. I know many of my clients say that they are just fine, that being alone is way better because they have their own lives. And this is true. If you are happy alone then you are very healthy.

But it ‘ s okay to want to be in a relationship. It is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign that you are strong enough to define what you want and go out there and get it.

Try registering with a dating site. Join a Meet Up that will bring you together with like-minded people. Go to the park and smile at that cute guy who is walking past. Tell all your friends that they need to set you up with someone. Visualize that ideal partner in your head. Believe that you can get it.

Set a goal. Make a plan. Put yourself out there. Find love. You can do it!

#5 – Celebrate that love is all around you.

The first words in the movie ‘ Love Actually, ‘ spoken by Hugh Grant, are as follows:

Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.

Those words give me shivers every time.

Look around. Look at the love that is all around you every day.

For me, every night I look at the moon and I think of the people that I love who are looking at that very same moon. I can feel the love and I am thankful. The world is big and love is everywhere.

Valentine ‘ s Day might at times seem like a Hallmark & Hershey holiday but really what does it matter because it is an excuse to celebrate love.

There are many reasons to be happy if you are single on Valentine ‘ s Day. So, don ‘ t waste the day. Take a look around and notice the people, places and things you love. Don ‘ t forget to look in the mirror too.

Because love is all around us. How lucky are we?

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really be struggling with being alone this Valentine’s Day.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before you get even more stuck.

Email me at [email protected], or click here, and let’s get started!

5 Helpful Tips For Setting Boundaries In Your Marriage

/by

Have you just walked down the aisle with the most amazing person and are you now looking for helpful tips for setting boundaries in your marriage?

Good for you for being proactive and let me help!

Healthy boundaries are very important in any healthy marriage. But what are boundaries, exactly?

To understand healthy relationship boundaries, look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds your life together. They hold your food and your bed and your possessions and it ‘ s where you live your life.

Healthy relationship boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your relationship as it grows. To have a healthy marriage, one that can grow and be fruitful, it is important that it has structures, boundaries, that support it.

Healthy relationship boundaries come in many shapes, sizes and colors and they are essential and appropriate for every relationship, whether it be new and exciting or more settled and safe, like marriage.

Now that you know what boundaries are let ‘ s talk about how to get them.

#1 – Look at individual needs.

The best place to start when setting boundaries in your marriage is for each of you to look at your own individual needs. A key part of identifying potential boundaries is for each of you to see what is important for your own individual happiness.

I know, in my relationship, what is important to me is that I have quality time with my partner every day. I also know that I want to be given the freedom to pursue my hobbies and my interests, I want to have openness and transparency in our communication and I want to be treated with respect.

Knowing what I need in my marriage allows me to understand what the composition of my boundary walls should be. If I didn ‘ t do that consideration, and figure out what is important to me, then I might have built those walls out of things that weren ‘ t strong enough to frame my marriage and that might cause those walls to fail.

So, both of you, take some time and identify what is important to you as an individual in your marriage.

#2 – Compare lists.

Once you have each individually defined your needs it is time for you to share those needs with your partner.

I took my list to my partner and I was not surprised to learn that our two lists overlapped. It was very important to him that he have time to spend pursuing his hobbies, mainly skiing and woodworking. It was also important to him that he spends time with his mother, that we don’t yell at each other when angry and that we not to be rigid in our boundaries.

It was good for us to compare our lists because by doing so we had a conversation about what was important for each of us, raising awareness that we could use for creating boundaries and, as we go forward, living our life together.

I know, with my ex-husband, we never did this. We just entered into married life with no thought as to what it would look like and, within a few years, we were both drowning, confused and at a loss as to what was going wrong.

#3 – Set priorities.

Once you have merged your lists, it ‘ s important that you set priorities. Sometimes it ‘ s impossible to accommodate every one of each other ‘ s needs but it ‘ s important that everybody ‘ s most important needs are met.

For me, my most important needs were face-to-face, regular quality time and being honest with each other. For my partner, it was important to him that he could spend time on his own and that yelling at each other would be taboo.

Of course, the other things, like his mother and my need for effective communication, are important and part of our definition of our boundaries but we both expressed what were deal breakers in the composition of our boundary walls. We knew that these priorities would be respected and, if they were, our marriage would be stronger.

#4 – Define success.

A very important thing to do, once you have defined your boundaries and set your priorities, is to write down what success would look like. Specifically.

For me, regular face-to-face quality time meant that for at least 15 minutes every night we put down our phones and our computers and turn away from the television and look each other in the eye and talk to each other. For my partner, being able to ski two weekends a month and working in his woodshop on Sunday mornings would be important to him.

It is essential that each of you understand specifically what the other sees as success. For many of us, we just guess at what our partner wants from us and, because of that, sometimes we fail.

So, be as specific with each other as you can. Set yourselves up for success.

#5 – Put it in writing.

The final step for setting boundaries in your marriage is to write it all down.

Conversations are great but putting what you discussed in writing allows you both to more clearly see, and remember, the boundaries that you have established. You can refer to them when you ‘ re questioning what they might be and trying to remember what they look like specifically.

So, write them down and keep them some place where you both have easy access. As your marriage moves on through the months and years, you should regularly revisit the boundaries that you have set, updating them as necessary and re-familiarizing yourself with what they look like.

There is nothing better than writing things down to keep us accountable and familiar.

Setting boundaries in your marriage is an essential part of setting yourself up for success.

Marriages are long and they can be challenging and doing whatever work you can do ahead of time is key.

Work individually to define what you want, come together to see where you overlap and are different, set your priorities, define successes and write it all down.

Doing these things early in your marriage will help ensure a long, healthy, happy marriage, the kind you committed yourself to on the altar that day.

You can do it!

Are you struggling with setting boundaries in your marriage?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

What To Do When You’re Feeling Depressed, Isolated And Lost

/by

Has your life gotten to that place where you are feeling depressed, isolated and lost all the time?

Are you feeling hopeless, alone and full of dread and worried about what the future will hold?

If you are, I am so sorry. Beingdepressed and feeling alone is a horrible place to be!

Fortunately, there are things you can do to stop feeling depressed, isolated and lost all the time.

#1 – Figure out the why.

There are two kinds of depression,situational and chemical. They have similar symptoms but different causes. Knowing what kind of depression you have is the first step to dealing with it.

Situational depression is caused by something that happens in your life. When something big happens that makes you sad, like the death of a parent or a divorce or the loss of a job, you can become situationally depressed. This kind of depression usually has a beginning, caused by a specific event, and an end, and is often treated differently from chemical depression.

Chemical depression is the result your brain chemistry being off in such a way that leads to depression. You are most often born with chemical depression but it can also by caused by a traumatic life event.

Chemical depression can happen to youeven if your life is going great.

So, ask yourself some questions about what your life looks like these days to help you figure out what kind of depression you might have.

If you think you have situational depression, read on. If you think you have chemical depressionhere is an article for you to read to learn more about next steps.

#2 – Do what makes you feel good.

When we are feeling depressed, isolated and lost, our inclination is tocollapse into our life. We stay in bed, we don ‘ t shower or eat well and cut off contact with those we love.

Let me tell you: if you are feeling depressed, collapsing is absolutely the worst thing that you can do. Instead, it is important to do things that make you feel good.

For me, I keep a list of things to do when I am feeling depressed. 1. Take a long, hard walk (the endorphins are great for my depression). 2. Do yoga. 3. WatchThe Walking Dead. 4. Take a bath. 5. Go to the movies. 6. Have sex. 7. Eat Pad Thai. When I am depressed I do one, or all, of those things and my depression is often lifted.

So, what makes you happy? Write out a list, when you aren ‘ t depressed, of what makes you happy so that when you are depressed you are ready.

#3 – Occupy your mind.

Unfortunately, when we are feeling depressed, isolated and lost, our worst enemy is that brain of ours.

While we are lying on the couch feeling sorry for ourselves, our brain is actively buying into it all.

You are a loser, it says. You have no friends. You aren ‘ t good at anything. You will never find love. You suck at your job. And on and on.

And, chances are, that none of those things are true. That you are not a loser, you have plenty of friends, you are talented, love is out there and your boss thinks you are doing great. But your brain, when you are depressed, just doesn ‘ t go there.

It is really important, when you are feeling depressed and isolated, to keep your brain busy.Yoga is a really good way to do this – you are so busy trying to figure out the damn pose that you don ‘ t have a chance to think about anything. It also has the side benefit of toning your body and making you feel strong, which can be helpful.

Other options for keeping your mind quiet are: reading, going to a movie, hanging out with friends, working. Meditation is also an option but I just get more depressed when I try, and fail, to meditate. If you can do it, go for it!

What do you like to do that will help you quiet that mind of yours, the mind that is feeding into those feelings that are bringing you down? Figure it out and do it!

#4 – Choose your playmates carefully.

One of the most important things to manage when we are depressed is our environment. In your bed and your pjs on might feel the most comfortable but they might not be the best option for getting better.

The same attention needs to be paid to who you spend time with when you are feeling depressed. If there are people in your life who bring you down then avoiding them when you aren ‘ t doing well is very important.

My mother was very difficult to spend time with when I was depressed. She was always trying to talk me out of my depression by pretending that it didn ‘ t exist or telling me to just snap out of it. Both of those things just made me feel worse. So, I avoided her when I wasn ‘ t doing well. It was best for both of us.

Consider who you shouldn ‘ t spend time with when you are depressed and avoid them. On the same note, think about who would be a good person to be with and make a date with them right now!

#5 – Call your doctor.

If everything else fails and still you find yourself feeling depressed, isolated and lost, then it ‘ s time to call your primary care doctor.

Feeling consistently depressed and anxious might indicate some serious health problems and getting a complete check-up from your doctor could be really important.

Your doctor can take a look at all aspects of your life and help you come up with a plan for managing your depression and anxiety so that they don ‘ t get worse. Which they will do if they are left untreated and allowed to persist.

Remember, your doctor won ‘ t judge. There are lots of people who feel just like you do every day and that ‘ s what doctors are there for – to help us all.

If you are feeling depressed, isolated and lost it ‘ s important that you do something about it and do something about it now!

Do a quick assessment of your life and try to figure out what kind of depression you might have. Take care of yourself, make yourself happy, keep your brain busy, control who you spend time with and, if necessary, see your doctor.

Depression can go away on it ‘ s own if properly managed but will get worse if left untreated. So, try the things that I recommended above but always pay attention to how you are doing. If you are getting worse and not better, get help!

You can do it!

If you have ready this far you must really be struggling with depression?


Let me help, NOW, before it gets out of control!


Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

Connect with Mitzi

© Copyright 2024 – Let Your Dreams Begin