How To Get Someone To Like You Without Devaluing Yourself

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Are you worrying about how to get someone to like you but don ‘ t want to devalue yourself? Perhaps you have a certain someone in mind or perhaps you are just worried in general, that someday you might meet someone and you won ‘ t know what to do?

Getting someone to like you, without losing yourself, is actually easier than you think and something that you can manage once you know the keys.

What are they?

#1 – Like yourself.

How can you expect someone to like you if you don ‘ t like yourself?

The key to how to get someone to like you is to make sure that you are happy with who you are in the world. That you have done your work and are comfortable with yourself.

People who are damaged and unhappy tend to attract people who are also damaged and unhappy. Likewise, happy and confident people tend to attract happy and confident people.

So, have you done your work?

Are you happy with your career, your relationship with friends and family and your mental and physical health?

If any of things can use some improvement, I encourage you to get on them right away. Working on yourself is an excellent way to become happy and confident.

Fortunately, you don ‘ t need to be all fixed before working to get someone to like you. If you have awareness about your issues and are actively working on them, it will show and you will attract someone who is also self-aware and evolving.

#2 – Be yourself always.

One of the biggest challenges in new relationships is that, because we want someone to like us, we aren ‘ t always our true selves.

Instead, we put forward the best version of ourselves or even act like someone totally different. Our person falls for that person, not who we really are.

People who aren ‘ t themselves in relationships are doomed to failure. Eventually our true selves come out and, when they do, they can scare your person away.

I can ‘ t tell you how many of my clients who are going through a break-up say I wish things could go back to the way they were at the beginning. They can ‘ t. And part of that is because at least one person wasn ‘ t being themselves but instead being who they wanted to be.

And that, once gone, can never come back.

#3 – Be the best you.

We all have parts of ourselves that we really like and are proud of.

For me, I know that I am a really good question-asker. So, when I am getting to know someone, I ask a lot of questions. People like it when other people ask them questions so it often works well to get them to like me.

What is the best part of you? The part you like most. Have that part of you on display when you are working on getting someone to like you.

#4 – Don ‘ t be a follower.

When you are wondering how to get someone to like you, one of the most important things to know is that it ‘ s essential that you not be a follower.

What do I mean? I mean that it ‘ s key that you don ‘ t let your person call all of the shots in the relationship.

Relationships are meant be even. Sometimes you make the decision, sometimes he does. You are aware of each other ‘ s wishes and desires and sometimes accommodate them but never do you let them walk all over you to get what they want.

People who are doormats for other people are not attractive. Perhaps you are worried that, if you speak up for what you want, your person might be mad at you or leave you but DON ‘ T. If your person isn ‘ t willing to at least discuss your thoughts then they aren ‘ t the person for you.

Imagine spending the rest of your life doing what you partner wanted to do and never having your own wishes accommodated. How much would that suck?

So, speak up. Be flexible but speak up!

#5 – Use your words, but not too many.

A key part of any relationship success is communication. The most important part and often times the hardest!

I encourage everyone who is wondering how to get someone to like them is to practice communication. Communicating about who you are authentically, what you want in a relationship. What is important in your life.

Share with your prospective partner and have them share with you. Understand each other so that you can decide if you want to move forward together.

It ‘ s also important that you not share too much. Of course, you want your guy to know you but oversharing can be off-putting, especially for men.

Let your guy get to know you slowly. Keep the mystery going and you will pull him in in a way that he won ‘ t ever want to leave.

#6 – Don ‘ t make it something it isn ‘ t.

When you are wondering how to get someone to like you there is one piece of advice that should stand above the rest – don ‘ t try to fit a square peg into a round hole.

For many of us, when we first meet someone and are attracted to them, we become fixated on them liking us. We will do whatever we can do to attract and keep their attention.

What many of us ignore, however, is when a red flag gets raised that this person is not the one for us. Or that, no matter how hard we try, we can ‘ t succeed in our efforts and they keep turning away.

If someone you like is turning away from you or is obviously not a good fit, stop your efforts immediately. You don ‘ t want to waste any more time on someone who isn ‘ t the person for you. And, the more time that you spend trying to get someone to like you, the harder it will be for you to let go!

So, as you go about your efforts to get someone to like you, make sure you are doing it for the right reasons and that your efforts haven ‘ t already failed.

In life and in love, knowing how to get someone to like you without devaluing yourself is very, very important.

The only person you truly have in the world is you and you don ‘ t want to let yourself down by becoming less of yourself in the pursuit of love.

So, make an effort to like yourself first, be you and only you, present your best self, communicate openly, taking the lead sometimes and don ‘ t make something out of nothing.

If you follow these guidelines, love is yours for the taking.

Go for it!

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9 Proven Coping Mechanisms To Work Through Reactive Depression

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Have you been poking around the internet because you have been feeling SO SAD and are you wondering if you have reactive depression?

Reactive depression is a relative newcomer in the spectrum of mood disorder. Reactive depression is a type of depression brought on from a specific situation that has occurred in your life.

Unlike most other depressions, which can last for years if not properly managed, reactive depression is a type of clinical depression that typically lasts a few months. While it ‘ s time is limited, it can be very traumatizing or severe during this time. In addition, reactive depression is different from other depressions because it is solely caused by a specific stressful event, whereas other depressions can have multiple causes.

Coping mechanisms to work through reactive depression are similar to those we use with other depressions but are unique in their own way.

#1 – Identify what is causing your reactive depression.

As I stated above, reactive depression happens when something occurs in your life that causes you extreme stress and because you haven ‘ t yet adapted to the changes brought about as a result of that event.

Issues that can bring about reactive depression include:

Take a good look at your life right now. Are you struggling with something? Has your parent or your pet died? Have you experienced trauma recently? Has someone broken your heart?

Anything that is out of the ordinary and which is making it more difficult to function.

If you are sad and you have recently experienced a big change in your life, you might be dealing with reactive depression.

#2 – Know the symptoms of reactive depression.

Most people with reactive depression develop symptoms within roughly 90 days following the event that triggers the condition. Symptoms can include:

  • Listlessness
  • Hopelessness
  • Lack of enjoyment of regular activities
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Sadness
  • Recurring bouts of crying
  • Loss of interest in food
  • Anxiety
  • Worry
  • Loss of Concentration
  • Withdrawal from work or friends
  • Suicidal thoughts

Symptoms of reactive depression vary from person to person and often include more than one of the symptoms above.

Review the list above carefully. If any of these things seem familiar to you then you might be struggling with reactive depression and it ‘ s time to deal with it. Reactive depression can cause severe disruption of your life if left untreated.

#3 – Know what is NOT reactive depression.

An important way to identify, and therefore treat, reactive depression is by understanding what it is NOT.

If you have a family history of depression, or you have previously struggled with depression, then you might not be struggling with reactive depression. Talk to your doctor about the differences. All depressions need to be treated but the treatment can vary so understanding the distinctions is important!

#4 – Do what makes you feel good.

When we are struggling with reactive depression, our inclination is tocollapse into our life. We stay in bed, we don ‘ t shower or eat well and cut off contact with those we love.

Let me tell you: if you are feeling depressed, collapsing is absolutely the worst thing that you can do. Instead, it is important to do things that make you feel good.

What kind of things might work? That depends on who you are in the world but here are a few ideas.

  • Take a walk.
  • Spend time with friends.
  • Take a bath.
  • Do some yoga.
  • Binge on some fun TV.
  • Have sex
  • Go to the movies.
  • Take a road trip

So, what makes you happy? I know it seems hard now but ask yourself what you usually enjoy doing. Or ask a friend. Doing something that makes you happy will raise your endorphins and help you manage your reactive depression.

#5 – Take care of yourself.

An excellent coping mechanism for working through reactive depression is taking care of yourself.

After my mom died I fell apart. Getting off the couch was next to impossible. Wine was my closest companion with ice cream a close second.

Fortunately for me, a friend saw what I was doing to myself and get me back on track. I started going to yoga, getting more sleep, eating better and drinking lots of water.

I started spending more time outdoors in the sunshine because the warmth of the sun felt good on my body and the Vitamin D provided by the sun is a natural anti-depressant.

I know that if I hadn ‘ t started taking care of myself, if I hadn ‘ t made my body stronger, my reactive depression would have gotten worse!

#6 – Keep your mind active.

Unfortunately, when we are overwhelmed by reactive depression, our worst enemy is that brain of ours.

While we are lying on the couch feeling sorry for ourselves, our brain is actively buying into it all of our bad feelings.

You are a loser, it says. You have no friends. You aren ‘ t good at anything. You will never find love. You suck at your job. And on and on.

And, chances are, that none of those things are true. That you are not a loser, you have plenty of friends, you are talented, love is out there and your boss thinks you are doing great. But your brain, when you are depressed, just doesn ‘ t go there.

So how do you keep your mind busy when you are going through this difficult time?Yoga is a really good way to do this – you are so busy trying to figure out the damn pose that you don ‘ t have a chance to think about anything. It also has the side benefit of toning your body and making you feel strong, which can be helpful.

Other options for keeping your mind quiet are: reading, going to a movie, hanging out with friends, working. Meditation is also an option but I just get more depressed when I try, and fail, to meditate. If you can do it, go for it!

What do you like to do that will help you quiet that mind of yours, the mind that is feeding into those feelings caused by the reactive depression?

Figure it out and do it!

#7 – Share your sadness.

Sharing your sadness with another person is a key part of dealing with it.

They say that what is kept inside the head is 4x more intense than what is spoken. Also, if you share what has happened to you, you might learn something that will help you manage it. We all have things that work for us and sharing them with others can be very helpful.

If you have someone you can talk with about your reactive depression then absolutely do it. Be it a therapist, a life coach, a friend or a partner, let the pain that is inside your head and your heart out into the world.

#8 – Write it out.

Do you journal? Or write letters to yourself? Or scribble notes on post-its? If you do, great! If you don ‘ t, it could be time to start.

Writing about trauma in your life can be very therapeutic, especially if you don ‘ t have someone with whom to share your stress. Much like speaking, writing allows you to get your pain out of your head and heart and onto paper.

And when you can see your pain and your feelings on a piece of paper in front of you, instead of having it rolling around in your brain, it can sometimes be much easier to manage.

#9 – See a doctor.

For many people, the thought of seeing a doctor to deal with our moods is embarrassing. We think we should be stronger and just pull up our boot straps and deal with this on our own.

Unfortunately, there are some things that just can ‘ t be managed on their own, something that all of the coping mechanisms in the world can ‘ t ease. Reactive depression can be one of them.

If your depression is seriously impacting your life, and you have tried the things above and they haven ‘ t helped, reach out to your doctor to get some support. Your primary care doctor can help diagnose your depression and get you the help you need to manage and work through it.

Reactive depression is a horrible, horrible thing.

Not only has something terrible happened in your life but now you have to deal with overwhelming sadness because of it.

Perhaps you ‘ re reading this article because you are feeling like you might be at the end of your rope. Perhaps you ‘ re feeling that, because the life that you once led is over, there ‘ s no reason for you to go on. Your future looks hopeless and you will never be happy again.

I can promise you this is not true. I know you might not believe it right now because from where you sit things look pretty shitty but I can promise you thatthe view from the other side is a rosy one.

Do the things that I recommended above. If one thing doesn ‘ t work try another. If nothing eases your pain, call your doctor. Don ‘ t give up!

You can do it!

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7 Things that You Can Learn from Bad Relationships

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Are you struggling over and over with bad relationships? Are you unhappy because you are wasting time on all these losers and wonder if you will ever find the right one?

Don ‘ t give up!

There are a lot of lessons to be learned from bad relationships, lessons that will set you up for success when you find the right person.

What kind of lessons? Let me tell you ‘ ¦

#1 – What red flags look like.

If you are not familiar with the term ‘ ˜red flags ‘ let me explain.

Red flags are signals that there is something bad ahead. Sometimes they are clear and sometimes they are not. Often times we ignore them. And when we do, disasters happen.

What might a red flag look like?

Some are subtle. Perhaps he talks about his ex alot, or he has a bad relationship with his mother. Perhaps he hasn ‘ t been able to hold down a job. Perhaps he refuses to talk about anything difficult.

Some are more obvious. Perhaps he states that he doesn ‘ t want a serious relationship or that kids are out of the questions. Perhaps he tells you that that male friend of yours has to go.

The thing about red flags is that often we see them and we ignore them or justify them away. Hopefully, bad relationships will help you to recognize that those red flags can be accurate and that, if you had only paid attention to them in the beginning, you could have spared yourself a whole lot of pain.

#2 – What not to do.

One lesson that can be learned from bad relationships is what NOT to do next time.

Many of us have behaviors that we repeat in every relationship and many of us are in serial bad relationships because of it.

For many people, we tend to personalize things that happen in a relationship. If our guy comes home late, it ‘ s because they don ‘ t love us. If they don ‘ t put away their dirty laundry, they don ‘ t respect us. If they forget our birthday, we just aren ‘ t important to them.

And while in some cases these things might be true, more often than not things that people do have nothing to do with the other person – they have to do with misjudgment and neglect.

So, don ‘ t take things personally – it ‘ s not all about you.

Another thing that people tend to do in bad relationships is to be passive aggressive and to antagonize.

Instead of confronting an issue head on, many of us make snide comments on the side, hoping our person will hear our dissatisfaction and act on it. Furthermore, we continue to harp on an issue, cutting a thousand little cuts, to the point that our partner no longer cares about what our concerns are.

These are just two behaviors that derail many relationships. There are others.

Take a good hard look at what your role is in this relationship – bad relationships rarely happen because of one person ‘ s behavior. Figure out what yours are and make note.

#3 – That enabling is not supporting.

Have you ever been in a relationship that was struggling and you tried to save it by being supportive?

Many of us, women in particular, believe that if we can just support our person that the relationship will hold. If we are patient while our partners work late hours or hold their hands when they feel insecure AGAIN about something that happened at the gym or look the other way when they have that third vodka after dinner we believe that they will notice us and stay in love with us. And that, maybe, their troubling behaviors will change.

Unfortunately, this ‘ ˜supporting ‘ is really more ‘ ˜enabling ‘ and enabling is not good in any relationship.

If you continue to look the other way when your partner gets drunk or ignores you because of work or yells at you because of their own insecurities, you are telling your partner that their behaviors are ok. And if your partners think their behaviors are ok, they will never change.

If your partner has behaviors that make you unhappy, stop supporting them. Either speak up about them or walk.

#4 – What traits you do want in a partner.

One of the clearest lessons to learn in bad relationships is what it really is that you want in a partner.

Even as we hold on to bad partners, we do start to see very clearly their shortcomings and we can therefore get a sense of what we ideally would want if we were in charge of the world.

I had a guy who I loved but who was desperately insecure, who wanted to please everyone, who had a quick temper, who lived with a ton of fear and who was in and out of jobs. I loved him but I was suffering.

When I finally broke free of that relationship I set out looking for a guy who knew who he was, who was patient and kind and steady. I was very clear about that and did ultimately find what I was seeking.

So, what do you want in a partner? Make a list. Write it down. Refer to it often.

#5 – That letting go is not giving up.

I can ‘ t tell you how many of my clients who are struggling with letting go of love in bad relationships tell me that they aren ‘ t walking away because they don ‘ t want to give up! That they aren ‘ t quitters.

And I always tell them the same thing – that there are two people in a relationship and that as long as you are the only one making the effort, or that the efforts you both are making aren ‘ t working, then it ‘ s not a matter of giving up. You can only control your own efforts – only you can finish that marathon – but you can ‘ t control someone else. It ‘ s not giving up if your partner isn ‘ t giving their all as well.

So, if you are struggling with ‘ ˜giving up, ‘ don ‘ t! Know that you can let go of a love that isn ‘ t serving you and move on with your head held high, knowing that you did your best.

#6 – How strong you are.

For those of us who survive bad relationships (which, pretty much, we all do in the end) we know how strong we are.

By having the fortitude to let go of a love that wasn ‘ t serving you, you are reclaiming your own power, a power that you might have lost in the struggle that was your bad relationship.

Talk to someone who has escaped from a bad situation and you will see someone who might be sad, perhaps really sad, but someone who feels powerful having been able to do it.

Letting go of bad relationships is incredibly difficult – do it and you will feel stronger then you ever have before.

#7 – That being alone is better than being unhappy.

One thing that can become very clear when you are in a bad relationship is how much better it might be to be alone than to be with someone who makes you miserable.

There is nothing worse than the day in, day out suffering of being in a bad relationship. You wake up to it, it lives with you throughout the day and is there when you go to bed at night.

Sure, when you are alone you might spend time alone on your couch binge watching Game of Thrones, but your time is your own. You can do what you want. And, while you might feel miserable that you are alone, I can promise you that it ‘ s not as miserable as you might feel if you spend your days struggling with bad relationships.

Learning lessons from bad relationships is a key part of finding love and happiness.

The goal is to not repeat history – not at work, not with parenting, not with behaviors and not with relationships. The goal is to learn from our mistakes and move forward to find success in the future.

So, take a good look at bad relationshps that you have had in your life and take inventory of what lessons you have learned so that you can do things differently in the future!

You can do it! True love is out there waiting for you!

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I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before you waste too much time struggling!
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How Do You Know if You Love Someone as Much as They Love You

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How do you know if you love someone as much as they love you? It ‘ s a really important question to ask.

Love is complicated and because human beings so want to be in love we are sometimes desperate to hold on to someone we aren ‘ t sure we love because we WANT to love them.

On the other hand, many of us are so scared of love, often because of past hurts, that trusting whether or not they are in love can be difficult.

With both those things in mind, it ‘ s important to carefully examine how do you know if you love someone as much as they love you.

#1 – You know what love is – and you feel it.

Do you know the difference between being in love with someone and loving someone? It is very important to understand the difference between the two.

I believe that when you are in love with someone you feel the feelings that you read about in books. When you see your person your heart leaps a little bit, you long for their touch, you want to know everything about them, spending time together is lovely and you care about their hopes and dreams.

I believe that when you love someone, as opposed to being in love with someone, your feelings are more feelings of friendship. You feel peaceful and happy being with them and support them in their endeavors but that feeling of your heart leaping, of relishing their physical touch, just isn ‘ t there.

So, how do you feel when you see your person? Does your heart leap or do you just feel peaceful? It ‘ s an important distinction and one that only you can know.

#2 – Things are evenly balanced.

When you love someone as much as they love you, you will find that you meet each other equally. You both want to spend time together, you both do nice things for each other, you equally share in the give and take in the relationship.

When love is uneven, more often than not, one person is giving way more than the other. And both sides are uncomfortable with this. The person who is giving too much feels like they are not being appreciated and the person who is giving less feels unhappy with the power dynamic in the relationship.

What does your relationship look like? Do you enjoy giving to your partner and much as he or she gives to you? If not, they might love you more than you love them.

#3 – They don ‘ t bug you.

When you are in a relationship where the love is equal you will find that you are never aggravated by the way your partner touches you. It doesn’t bug you that they want to spend so much time with you or asks you questions about your day. You are most always happy to be with them and their attentions don’t cause you any aggravation.

Do you find that your partner bugs you in a way that feels uncomfortable to you? Do you wish you were more receptive to their attentions? If the answer is yes, you might not love them as much as they love you.

#4 – You aren ‘ t always questioning the relationship.

One answer to how do you know if you love someone as much as they love you has to do with how much time do you spend questioning the relationship.

Do you think that you want to be in this relationship but just aren ‘ t sure? Do you think about whether you are making a mistake in committing to this person? Do you spend time thinking about other people instead? Do you find yourself rationalizing your relationship more often than not?

People who love someone else as much as they love them don ‘ t constantly question the relationship. They are secure in the fact the love is real and equal and that a commitment to it is a smart one.

#5 – Your attention doesn ‘ t wander.

Do you find yourself looking at other people and wondering if, for whatever reason, you might be interested in a relationship with them?

Do your friends introduce you to other people who they think might be better for you?

If either of these things are the case, your feelings for your partner might not be equal to theirs. People who are in love with their partner don ‘ t go seeking other potential mates. People whose love is equal with their partner’s, who enjoy spending time with them, enjoy their physical touch and aren’t questioning things don ‘ t look at other people as potential mates.

What about you? Do your eyes wander?

So, how do you know if you love someone as much as they love you?

It seems like a difficult question to answer but really the signs are clear.

If you have that ‘heart skip’ kind of feeling when you see your person, if the things you do for each other are basically balanced, if being with them doesn ‘ t annoy you and you aren ‘ t always questioning the relationship then chances are good your love for each other is balanced.

So, now that you have a sense of how you feel, it ‘ s on you to run with it.

If things are balanced, yay!

If they aren ‘ t, you have a choice to make – will you continue to stay with this person, trying to see if you can make it work, potentially wasting both of your times, or are you going to let this person go so that both of you can find the person you are meant to be with?

Good luck! You can do it!

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How to Let Go of Toxic People Who Are Holding You Back

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Are you wondering how to let go of toxic people who are holding you back?

Do you know that some people in your life just aren ‘ t good for you but you are finding it difficult to let them go?

Fortunately, there are ways to let go of toxic people but first let ‘ s examine why it ‘ s hard to let go of one.

For many people, staying in a toxic relationship is better than being alone.

We often don ‘ t feel so good about ourselves and the other person feeds our feelings of insecurity with their toxicity.

Sometime we feel like we think we are the only person who can help/fix this other person so we are hesitant to step away from them, even if they are sucking us dry.

And, finally, we are often stuck in patterns with these people, patterns that we are incapable of breaking for a variety of reasons.

Now do you see how letting go of toxic people can be very difficult? Understanding the ‘ ˜why ‘ can often make the ‘ ˜how ‘ easier.

#1 – Make a decision – and stick to it!

Before you begin any life changing process you must ask yourself how determined you are to actually do it. On a scale of 1-10 how close to a 10 are you? Because withoutsteadfast determination you will not be able to accomplish something as challenging as letting go of a toxic person in your life.

So, are you ready to do this? Is there any part of you that is holding on to the possibility that things could work out? Do you feel like you aren ‘ t strong enough to do this yet?

If the answer to any of these questions is ayes, then perhaps you should wait a bit longer before you begin this process. Time is a great healer and with some time you will get stronger and be ready to take on this challenging task.

Either way, ask yourself some tough questions about this relationship and make aconscious decision to stay or go. Doing so, making a purposeful move, will help you start respecting and loving yourself again which is a key part of letting go of toxic people and moving on.

#2 – Take inventory.

One of the first thing I tell all of my clients when they ask how to let go of toxic people is to make a list – a list of all of the reasons that they need to walk away from that person.

When we spend time with someone, we are regularly exposed to those things that remind us that we need to walk away. When we finally get away from that person, those things tend to recede into our memory. They get replaced in the forefront of our mind with the good things, the good times, all the things that we loved about that person.

And, with the good things at the front of our minds, we are vulnerable to returning to the relationship that is causing us pain.

So, make a list. Make a list of everything that you can think of that is making you walk away from this person. Keep that list close and refer to it when you are missing him.

You left this relationship for a reason. Keep that reason in mind daily going forward.

#3 – Disappear.

I know that we all think that we need ‘ closure ‘ at the end of any relationship, that final conversation where everyone gets to say what they want to say and you understand each other and walk away as friends.

I am here to tell you that closure is a myth. What closure really is is one last chance to spend time with and talk to that person you care about. Because really, if you could have a conversation and finally understand each other why couldn ‘ t you make it work as a couple or as friends?

So, when you have decided to let of of a toxic person is over, cut him or her off from any contact with you. Block them on your phone, disconnect on social media, stay away from places where you know they will be.

Why? Because what you need to do is break the addiction you have to this person, to change your habits.

Think about Oreo cookies. You know how hard it is to eat just one? It ‘ s the same with your person. Even one point of contact can draw you back into their circle, the circle that you have decided that you are determined to break yourself out of.

So, cut off all contact right away. Don ‘ t let them have access to you in any way. It will make the process way easier!

#4 – Choose love.

For many of us, being in a toxic relationship can mean that we have disconnected with people who might previously have been a big part of our lives. None of us do it intentionally, or with malice, but it does happen. And those friends are still out there.

Make an effort to reach out to those friends, the friends who knew you ‘ ˜before. ‘ They will be happy to have you back and happy to support you getting through this time.

Also, now is a great time to make new friends. I have a client who is using Bumble BFF, an app for women to connect with other women,to find some new friends, ones who are single and want to get out and do things like she does. She has connected with some amazing women in just a few weeks.

Also, make an effort to spend time with your family if they provide love and support. Nothing can help you replace the empty space left by your toxic person then those who love you more than anyone else in the world.

People are a great way to get you through a tough time. And you have lots of people. Reach out and find them again.

#5 – Live.

Another thing to do with all of that free time is to start doing something that you have always wanted to do. Don ‘ t sit around feeling sorry for your empty space –do something with it.

When a client of mine left her toxic boyfriend she was a wreck and feeling lonely as hell. I asked her if there was anything that she had always wanted to do, something that she hadn ‘ t done because she was in a relationship.

Without a pause she said YES – she had always wanted to learn Italian and spend some traveling in Italy. Could she do that now? I asked. And she said,Why the hell not?

So, my client downloaded alanguage app and set out making plans to travel to Italy in the spring. She researched tour groups, found a few friends to come with her, worked to get in shape and ultimately went on the trip of her dreams.

The planning kept her occupied instead of focusing on her guy and the trip changed her life, making her realize that if she could do that she could do anything.

What is it that you have always wanted to do? Pick one thing and start doing it. You have the time. Life is short. Don ‘ t waste it!

Knowing how to let go of toxic people who are holding you back takes awareness and determination.

We are so scared of being alone or making someone else unhappy that we often sacrifice our own health and well being. It ‘ s important to stop that NOW.

Take stock of your determination to get out of the relationship, take stock of why, disappear completely, reach out to others and live your life.

Life is too short to surround yourself with toxic people. Choose yourself for once and get on with living your best life!

Are you strugglingwitha toxic person inyourlife?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before your life gets completely derailed!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

How to be Assertive in Relationships

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Are you wondering how to be assertive in relationships? Is yours struggling and are you worried that your lack of assertiveness may be part of the problem?

I have built a business around helping people who are struggling in relationships. Unfortunately, there are many people struggling because relationships are really, really hard.

More than any other reason, I believe lack of assertiveness as the basis of many relationship issues, for both men and women.

Most women aren ‘ t naturally assertive – we tend to sit back and follow other people ‘ s lead and be happy enough with the outcome.

Men often lack assertiveness because they want to keep the peace but, in the end, they are left bitterly unhappy.

Fortunately, many of us have learned the skill of assertiveness in relationships and we have figure out the best things to do.

So, let me share with you my secrets about how to be assertive in relationships.

#1 – Have self-awareness.

People who are assertive in relationship are people who know themselves and they know what they want in a relationship.

I know when I was married, I knew I was unhappy but I didn ‘ t know why. When we went to marriage counseling there was always discussion around the nebulous cloud that was my unhappiness but we never attacked it directly because I couldn ‘ t define what it was.

Since I have become more self-aware, I have realized what happiness means to me – to be noticed, to be heard, to be valued, to be seen. When those things happen, I feel loved and I am happy.

If you aren ‘ t self aware, take some time to develop that personality trait. Take stock of what is important to you in a relationship so that you know what to ask for when the time comes.

#2 – Be self-confident.

People who are assertive in relationships are very often self-confident.

Why? Because to be able to ask for what you want in a relationship, you have to believe in yourself, in your self-worth.

I know many people who are self-aware, who know what they want in a relationship, but who don ‘ t ask for it because they don ‘ t believe themselves to be worthy. And if you don ‘ t ask, you don ‘ t get.

Taking stock of why you are worthy, in the world and in love, will get you a long way towards being assertive in a relationship and getting you the love that you seek.

#3 – Communicate clearly.

So, let ‘ s say you know what you want and you believe that you are worthy of getting it but you have no freaking idea of how to ask for it.

You are there, sitting across from your person, having a heart to heart and when the time comes to ask for what you want you just can ‘ t find the words. And if you don ‘ t have the words to ask for what you want, how are you going to get it?

Are you a good communicator? If you are, great! If you aren ‘ t, find a friend, or a life coach, and have them work with you to find the words to ask for what you want. It ‘ s not as hard as it seems – it ‘ s a skill that needs to be cultivated, just like any other.

#4 – Use your intuition.

My husband used to say that he would never be able to have an affair because my Spidey-sense would just know. I used to laugh but I know that it ‘ s true – it was hard for him to get away with anything, good or bad, because my intuition was usually dead on.

People who have a strong intuition that they can rely on are usually excellent at being assertive in relationships. Why? Because people who are intuitive trust their gut. They trust that they know what they want and believe that their instincts around others are dead on.

By having faith in oneself, and one ‘ s perceptions of others, it is easy to speak up and ask for what you want because you truly believe.

If you don ‘ t already, listen when your gut tells you something. If you have a ‘ ˜feeling ‘ that something is off, trust that feeling. Don ‘ t rationalize it away. Speak up!

#5 – Be resolute.

Being assertive in relationships is simply impossible without being resolute.

Do you know that person, perhaps you see her in the mirror, who just can ‘ t make up her mind?

She knows that she wants something but she can ‘ t quite put her finger on what it is. As a result, when she tries to ask for what she wants she fails because there is no conviction behind her words.

How does one cultivate the personality trait of being resolute? Start small. Choose one thing that is important to you and do it, no matter what. Set your intention and don ‘ t let anything get in your way.

Once you see the power of what happens if you set your mind to something you will want to practice it in all areas of your life.

Learning how to be assertive in relationships is very important and can be a challenge but one worth meeting.

In this crazy world, we need to identify what it is we want, we need to believe that we are worthy, we need to be able to speak to what those things are, we need to trust our gut and we need to be resolute in making it happen.

Don ‘ t spend your life and love allowing things to just happen, hoping for the best. Decide what you want in a relationship and go for it! NOW!

Are you strugglingwithbeing assertive in relationships?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before yourrelationship falls apart!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

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