Are you wondering how to stop hurting after a breakup?
Have you worked hard to get out of a relationship that wasn’t serving you? Are you feeling overwhelmed by emotion and the empty space that is the result letting go of your love?
Or were you walked out on and struggling to understand why and get past it?
You are not alone. Getting past a break up is hard but not impossible.
Here are some things that you can do that can really help.
#1 – Take stock.
One of the first thing I tell all of my clients, when they have to walk away from someone they love, is to take stock of the reasons that their relationship wasn’t working. Make a list – a list of all of the reasons why they needed to walk away from that person or the things that they knew weren’t working, the reasons why they might have been broken up with.
When we spend time with someone, we are regularly exposed to those things that remind us that we need to walk away. When we finally get away from that person, those things tend to recede into our memory. They get replaced in the forefront of our mind with the good things, the good times, all the things that we loved about that person.
And, with the good things at the front of our minds, we are vulnerable to returning to the relationship that is causing us pain.
So, make a list. Make a list of everything that you can think of that has caused the breakup. Keep that list close and refer to it when you are missing him. And keep the list in case he comes back, begging for forgiveness.
You left this relationship for a reason. Keep that reason in mind daily going forward. He left this relationship for a reason – make him work to get your back. A list will help you with both.
#2 – Go cold turkey.
There is nothing more tempting, when you are missing your lost love, then to stalk him or her.
Unfortunately, these days there are so many ways to keep tabs on a lost love – social media has made it all so easy. And keeping tabs on a lost love makes it really hard to let go and move on.
I know that it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, to take a quick peak at your lost love’s feed, but you know, as well as I do, that there is a chance you could see something on there that you just don’t want to see. Perhaps him out there, having fun without you, doing something that you used to do together, or even doing it with someone else. And seeing any or all of those things could send you into a tail spin.
So, eliminate all ties to your loved one on social media. Block him on your phone. Don’t ask your mutual friends about what he is doing. Tell yourself that he has moved to Mars and that you will never see him again.
You will be glad you did.
#3 – Make yourself a priority.
Ok, so you are single again and you suddenly find yourself with lots of free time. And you might also find yourself craving a lot of ice cream.
Now is not the time to sit around, watching Netflix and eating ice cream. While those things might be fun in the moment, in the long run they will only make you feel worse.
The best thing that you can do for yourself right now is to exercise and take care of yourself. When you are going through a hard time, the number one thing that can make you feel better is the endorphins that are created through exercise. Those chemicals will actually make you feel very different from the sad and lonely person you might feel like right now.
Furthermore, if you get enough sleep and eat well, your body will feel strong and it will help with your healing.
And, best of all, taking care of yourself will make you look hot, way hotter than you might look if you only indulged in Netflix and ice cream. And looking good is an excellent way to win your break up. Imagine the look on his face when he sees you next!
So, again, this is the time to take care of yourself. Don’t let yourself fall apart. The pulling yourself back together will be so much more difficult if you do.
#4 – Do something big.
Another thing to do with all of that free time is to start doing something that you have always wanted to do. Don’t sit around feeling sorry for your empty space – do something with it.
A client of mine broke up with a man she loved desperately but who couldn’t commit to her. She was devastated. I asked her to name a few things that she had always wanted to do. One of the things that she came up with was writing.
In this day and age, it is quite possible to write and get what you write out to the masses without going through the process of publishing a book or getting a magazine to publish your article. You can simply write a blog and post it to a variety of platforms available online.
My client started writing about her broken heart, what happened, her insights about what she could have done differently, the way she felt with him gone from her life. It was hard work for her, emotionally, but soon she started to get a following. Other women who were going through the same things appreciated her written words and started commenting on her articles. As a result, she built a small community of women who supported each other through the rough times.
#5 – Reconnect with old friends…and make new ones.
For many of us, relationships mean that we disconnected with people who might previously have been a big part of our lives. None of us do it intentionally, or with malice, but it does happen. And those friends are still out there.
Make an effort to reach out to those friends, the friends who knew you ‘before.’ They will be happy to have you back and happy to support you getting through this time.
Also, now is a great time to make new friends. I have a client who is using Bumble BFF, an app for women to connect with other women, to find some new friends, ones who are single and want to get out and do things like she does. She has connected with some amazing women in just a few weeks.
People are a great way to get you through a tough time. And you have lots of people. Reach out and find them again.
Knowing how to stop hurting after a breakup is an essential way to get past it.
Having a plan is always the best course of action, I believe, much better than TV and junk food and hours spent dreading the future.
So, now that you have read this article, get up off the couch. Get a notebook and make a list of all of the reasons that you broke up with your guy. Keep it close. Block your guy on your phone and on every social media platform you are connect on. Get out there and exercise. Do somethings that you have always wanted to do. Reconnect with old friends. Fill your calendar with things that will make you happy and disconnect from the guy you had to let go.
I know it doesn’t seem possible but life does not end with a break up. Rather, it begins again. It is up to you to take advantage of this new beginning and make the most of your life.
You can do it! It will be worth it! I promise…
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I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.