15 Inspirational Quotes About Letting Go of Someone You Love Quotes

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Is your heart broken and are you looking for inspirational quotes to help you let go of love and move on?

Sometimes the words of others who have struggled with a broken heart can inspire us to do the hard work of letting go of love and moving on to a better life and a new love.

Here are 14 inspirational quotes to help you let go of love and move on, from the mouths of people who have been where you are right now.

‘ The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward. ‘ – Steve Maraboli

 

‘ Letting go doesn ‘ t mean that you don ‘ t care about someone anymore. It ‘ s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself. ‘ – Deborah Reber

 

‘ Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake & help us see we are worth so much more than we ‘ re settling for. ‘ – Mandy Hale

 

‘ Renew, release, let go. Yesterday ‘ s gone. There ‘ s nothing you can do to bring it back. You can ‘ t ‘ should ‘ ve ‘ done something. You can only DO something. Renew yourself. Release that attachment. Today is a new day! ‘ – Steve Maraboli

 

‘ You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could ‘ ve, would ‘ ve happened ‘ ¦ or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move on. ‘ – Tupac Shakur

 

‘ Don ‘ t cry because it ‘ s over, smile because it happened. ‘ – Dr. Seuss

 

‘ The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are. ‘ – J.P. Morgan

 

‘ Forget what hurt you but never forget what it taught you. ‘ – Shannon L. Alder

 

‘ It ‘ s not a matter of letting go – you would if you could. Instead of ‘ Let it go ‘ we should probably say ‘ Let it be. ‘ – Jon Kabat-Zinn

 

‘ One of the most courageous decisions you ‘ ll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul. ‘ – B. Nicole

 

“The best skill at cards is knowing when to discard.” – Baltasar Gracián

 

“The person who doesn ‘ t value you is blocking you from the one who will. Let them go.” – Robert Tew

“Take all the time you need to heal emotionally. Moving on doesn ‘ t take a day, it takes lots of little steps to be able to break free of your broken self.” – Tere Arigo

 

“Let go, or be dragged.”- Unknown

 

“If you are going through hell, keep going” – Winston Churchill

So there you are, 14 inspirational quotes to help you let go of love and move on.

Listen to, and be inspired by, those who have been where you are and who have made it past the pain and out the other side.

I know it seems impossible now but you will get through this and get past it. No one has ever truly died of a broken heart! I promise.

How to Let Go of Love for Your Crush if They Aren’t Crushing on You

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Are you wondering how to let go of love for your crush? Are you madly in love with someone, and are the feelings unrequited?

There is nothing worse than loving and not being loved in return but holding on to a love with no future will only prevent you from finding the love you seek.

So, how do you let go of your crush if they aren ‘ t crushing on you? How can you take the difficult step of walking away from them and moving on?

I have been there, and so have many of my clients. Let us help you get through it.

#1 – Check yourself.

Are you crushing on someone, big time, and have you been convincing yourself that if you just hold on long enough, they will notice you and fall for you and you will live happily ever after? Have you been holding on to this for a while, but has nothing changed?

I have a client who was seriously crushing on a guy. They had been friends years ago and he reappeared. She thought that his coming back into her life was a sign that they were supposed to be together.

For one year she held onto hope that they could be together. He did give her mixed messages, on the one hand telling her that he didn ‘ t want a relationship and, on the other, having sex with her. He would come and go and still, she held onto her hope for them, slowly dying each time he left.

Ultimately, she realized that she had created their ‘ ˜great love story ‘ in her head and she knew she had to let him go. And the first thing that she had to do was to come to terms with the fact that he didn ‘ t love her back.

It was incredibly painful, but it was the first step to letting go of unrequited love and moving forward to find someone who would love her back.

#2 – No contact. None.

I know that we all think that we need ‘ closure ‘ when we need to walk away from someone, that final conversation where everyone gets to say what they want to say, and you understand each other and walk away as friends.

I am here to tell you that closure is a myth. What closure really is one last chance to spend time with and talk to that person you still love, hoping that they might change their mind.

Because really, if you could have a conversation and finally understand each other, why couldn ‘ t you make it work as a couple? Right? Wrong!

So, when you have decided that you need to walk away and move in, go no contact immediately. Block them on your phone, disconnect on social media, stay away from places where you know they will be.

Why? Because what you need to do is break the addiction you have to this person, to change your habits. Having any contact with them will only hold you back from moving on!

Think about Oreo cookies. You know how hard it is to eat just one? It ‘ s the same with your crush. Even one point of contact can draw you back into their circle, the circle that you have decided that you are determined to break yourself out of.

So, gono contact right away. It will make the process way easier!

#3 – Do something that you have always wanted to do.

Another important thing to know when you are wondering how to let go of love for your crush is to start doing something that you have always wanted to do. Don ‘ t sit around feeling sorry for your empty space – do something with it.

A client of mine broke up with a man she loved desperately but who couldn ‘ t commit to her. She was devastated.

I asked her to name a few things that she had always wanted to do. One of the things that she came up with was writing. In this day and age, it is quite possible to write and get what you write out to the masses without going through the process of publishing a book or getting a magazine to publish your article. You can simply write a blog and post it to a variety of platforms available online.

My client started writing about her broken heart, what happened, her insights about what she could have done differently, the way she felt with him gone from her life. It was hard work for her, emotionally, but soon she started to get a following. Other women who were going through the same things appreciated her written words and started commenting on her articles. As a result, she built a small community of women who supported each other through the rough times.

What is it that you have always wanted to do? Pick one thing and start doing it. You have the time. Life is short. Don ‘ t waste it!

#4 – Spend time with people who love you.

When we are rejected by someone we are crushing on, we often feel horrible about ourselves. We feel like we are unloveable and will never be loved again.

Spending time with friends and family who love you, who recognize you for what an amazing, and loveable, person you are will help you move on and find someone who is worthy of you.

#5 – Take care of yourself.

When your heart is broken and you feel like your life is over, one of the best things that you can do is self-care. Your body and your spirit may feel broken but some nurturing will help them heal.

When my husband left me, I was left devastated and alone. My house was empty, my kids were gone and my husband no longer came home at the end of the day. My days were endless, and I didn ‘ t know how I was going to survive being alone.

One day, a Groupon appeared in my inbox from Massage Envy, offering a 60-minute massage for $40. I had nothing to do so I bought the Groupon, and I made an appointment for a massage. That message was one of the best hours of my life. I was in a warm room, on a cosy table, and I had a lovely woman attending to my aches and pains, making me feel loved and cared for.

I realized that day, when I am emerged from the spa feeling rejuvenated and alive, that doing things that comforted me was what I would need to help me move forward. From that day on, I would spend some time every day doing things to take care of myself. I did yoga, went for walks, spent time antiquing with girlfriends and drank whiskey by the fire on cold winter nights.

By nurturing myself, by loving myself, I was able to get the strength that I needed to let go of the loss of my marriage.

#6 – Believe your love is out there for you.

I find this to be the number one obstacle to my clients breaking up with someone who doesn ‘ t love them – believing they will never find love again.

Almost without exception, people who are in relationships that aren ‘ t making them happy don ‘ t leave because they believe that there will never be another person for them. That, if they break up with this person, they will be alone forever!

But that just isn ‘ t true. There are many, many fish in the sea, and there is one for you.

Of course, if you never have a chance to go fishing, because you are still with this idiot who doesn ‘ t love you, then you, won ‘ t find that person. But if you can be brave enough to act, and break up with said idiot, then you will be setting yourself up for finding the love of your life.

Knowing why and how to let go of love for your crush is a key piece to being able to do so successfully.

You still love them, but you know that you must let them go because of the pain they are causing you. It will be difficult, but it is possible!

Be honest with yourself about the chance that they will ever love you back, cut them off completely, do the things you have always wanted to do and spend time with friends. Nurture yourself and hold on to the belief that you will find the love you seek.

You will. If you can let go of someone who doesn ‘ t love you back and not waste any more time, you will! I promise.

5 Reds Flags to Never Ignore if You want A Healthy Relationship

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Do you want, a healthy relationship? Is the idea of building a life with something you are actively seeking? Have you been burned in the past and not sure why? Do you want to do things differently this time around? If so, you should definitely make sure that you don’t ignore those red flags.

Red flags are those little things that you see when you are in a new relationship, things that make you pause and say ‘ ˜hmmm. ‘ Things that make you question whether this person is the right person for you. Things that are scary because you so want this relationship to work.

Unfortunately, because we do want this relationship to work, we often ignore red flags. We ignore the warning signs that present themselves to us that signal this might not the right person for us. We hope that perhaps the red flags aren ‘ t a big deal, that this person could change, and that we can live with them because other things are good.

If you want a healthy relationship, ignoring red flags is the best way to ensure that you won ‘ t get it. Ignoring red flags will keep you in an unhealthy relationship and keep you from finding the love that you want.

Here are 5 red flags that you should never ignore if you want a healthy relationship.

#1 – They don ‘ t get along with their family.

If you want a healthy relationship, a huge red flag is someone who doesn ‘ t get along with their family.

Of course, many of us struggle with our family. Just because they are family, it doesn ‘ t mean everyone can get along and that is fine. But if your person has been estranged from their family, if they have a toxic relationship with their parents, if their kids don ‘ t talk to them, then your person might not be capable of having a healthy relationship.

I know that many of us think that if we just love someone enough, we can help them heal from the pain caused by their family so that they can be happy. And yes, it is possible to help someone feel loved, but they are most likely deeply damaged and might have a hard time emotionally connecting.

#2 – They cheat.

I have a client whose new boyfriend has been a habitual cheater. He cheated on everyone he had ever dated and had sex with multiple lovers in the bed he shared with his wife. My client met him soon after he got divorced and fell madly in love with him.

She believed that he had changed. That he loved her so much that he would never cheat again. And then, he did. Over and over and over.

If your person is a habitual cheater, they most likely will continue to be. Even if they love you madly and you have lots of sex, a person who cheats does so for a variety of reasons, reasons that aren ‘ t going to just disappear without some help.

If your person has cheated on their ex, be careful. If they have been a habitual cheater, run away as fast as you can.

#3 – They can ‘ t hold a job.

When I met my ex, I remember stalking him on Linked In. There I learned that he had been in 4 different jobs in 5 years. I remember thinking that that looked like an issue, but I chose to ignore it. I was a life coach. If he was struggling with job security then I would be able to help him, after all.

Of course, the job security became a big issue. That he had lost so many jobs made him incredibly insecure. He was in a ton of debt trying to keep up with the lifestyle that he wanted to give his family. He had no confidence that he could do this job, or any job.

I tried to work with him to address the systemic issues that I could see around his work but to no avail. And I started to worry that becoming attached to this man might challenge me financially.

So, if your person has a problem with holding a job, tread carefully. Of course, times are tough now with Covid and the economy, but if this has been happening for a while, it is definitely a red flag!

#4 – They drink too much.

Of course, many of us drink, especially when we are early into a relationship. There is nothing more fun than sharing a few adult beverages as we have those long talks about our hopes and dreams. That being said, if your person regularly has more than a few drinks in the course of an evening, this is definitely a red flag.

People with drinking problems are people to stay away from if they want to be in a healthy relationship. People who drink too much can be physically unhealthy, financially unsound, and struggle with relationships and job security. They can be impulsive and prone to bursts of extreme emotion. They can be abusive when angered and inconsistent with their behaviour.

Furthermore, people who drink struggle with emotional connection, the key to a healthy relationship.

My ex was an alcoholic and while he was good at being physically affectionate feeling an emotional connection with him was difficult. He had started drinking when he was 15 as a way to cope with his relationship with his mother (Red Flag #1) He never had a chance to develop emotionally and therefore was unavailable for real connection. He went from woman to woman, cheating on each of them (Red Flag #2).

I tried and tried to have a healthy relationship with him, but I couldn ‘ t do it alone. He wouldn ‘ t stop drinking and I was unhappy. I had ignored that red flag at the beginning of our relationship and wished I hadn ‘ t.

#5 – They are inconsistent with their attention.

Do you have a person who comes and goes? Someone who texts for hours at a time, and then who disappears for days?

Does she proclaim her love and then hang out with other men?

Does he tell you that he needs ‘ ˜time ‘ and walk away, only to return days or weeks or months later, professing his love? And then he leaves again.

People who care about people are consistent with their attention. Why? Because they want to be. They want to show their person they care about them; they want to spend time with them, they want them to feel safe and to know that they will never abandon them. They want to make sure their person knows they love them.

So, if your person is coming and going, whether it’s electronically or in person, that is a huge red flag that you should not ignore if you want a healthy relationship. Don ‘ t think that if you just love them enough, if you just stick around long enough, they will suddenly realize they are madly in love with you and stay put. They won ‘ t.

Ignoring red flags is the best way to sabotage things if you want a healthy relationship.

I know that you really want things to work out because you are kissing a lot of frogs and you just want one to stick. But don ‘ t!

If you waste even one more minute on someone with bright red flags, you are wasting time that you could be spending finding someone who doesn ‘ t have red flags, someone who could make you happy and give you the healthy relationship that you want!

So walk away; youcan do it!

Why You are Feeling Angry After a Break Up, Even if it was Mutual

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Are you feeling angry after a breakup, even if it was mutual?

Were you in a relationship that you knew was doomed, and are you relieved that it is over but still angry for some unknown reason?

It makes sense. This happens to a lot of us at the end of a relationship for so many reasons.

5 Reasons Behind Anger After A Breakup:

#1 – Unanswered Questions.

Are there things that happened in the relationship that you don ‘ t understand? Did something happen that changed the way you thought about things? Were you scared to ask questions, or, if you did, were they left unanswered?

Unanswered questions can really be anger-inducing.

I have a client whose relationship had just ended. They realized that they just had too many issues and that it wasn ‘ t going to work out. He is angry, though, because he has some questions about what happened with his girlfriend ‘ s ex over the course of their relationship.

He has a feeling that his girlfriend was talking to her ex the whole time they were dating, but he wasn ‘ t sure. It was part of what caused the disintegration of the relationship, his suspicions and her denials, although it wasn ‘ t the whole thing. Now that the relationship is over, he is left wondering if she had been lying the whole time. And that pisses him off.

So, if you have unanswered questions, that might be one reason why you are feeling angry after a breakup.

#2 – Things left unsaid.

Similar to unanswered questions, things being left unsaid can be a huge reason why we hold onto anger after a breakup.

I remember when I broke up with a guy I had been seeing for two years. It was a toxic relationship, and the only way that I could finally get away was by going ‘ ˜no contact ‘ and blocking him everywhere. We never had that ‘ ˜last talk, ‘ the talk where I could express the anger, frustration and disappointment that I was feeling. He knew that I felt those things, but I wasn ‘ t sure if he really understood.

I held onto my anger for a long time, longer than I should have, imagining the conversation that could have happened, but didn ‘ t.

#3 – Disappointment.

When we fall in love we are so excited. We have met someone who fits our needs in so many ways, and we dive in, sure that this time it ‘ s going to work out. And then it doesn ‘ t.

One of the reasons that we are angry is that we are disappointed. Disappointed in ourselves for the part that we played in the demise of the relationship, at our ex, for their part in the demise of the relationship, and that the relationship didn ‘ t work out the way we had hoped and dreamed it would.

Disappointment can breed deep anger. Life is so hard and when we are let down, it can be hard to let go of. Ironically, we tend to stay angriest at ourselves when we are disappointed – we tend to blame ourselves for not holding things together and for sabotaging our future happiness.

So, take stock. Are you disappointed in yourself, your ex or the loss of your dreams for the future? If yes, then that might be why you are still holding on to the anger.

#4 – Dating.

When I am talking to clients about initiating a breakup, the #1 reason they often don ‘ t want to break up with someone is because they don ‘ t want to start dating again.

The prospect of going back online, of having random conversations, and even more random dates, having to dress up and be charming and kiss a lot of frogs with no certainty that they will find the right person, is completely daunting. And it pisses them off.

If you are angry that you have to start dating again, I get it. It is exhausting. But I can promise you that, unless you put yourself out there in some way, you won ‘ t find the person you have been looking for.

And they are out there, waiting for you. I promise.

#5 – Other people ‘ s opinions.

Be honest. Are your friends trashing talking about your ex? Are they saying that he was never good enough for you? Is your mother saying that she never liked him, your dad saying that she wasn ‘ t pretty enough? Are your co-workers happy that you aren ‘ t dating her anymore because you are now free to go out with them after work?

Other people ‘ s opinions can play a very large part in why you are feeling angry after a break up, even if it was mutual.

People like to stoke fires, to create drama, to trash talk people who might have caused someone they love pain. As a result, they might say things that will rile you up a bit, that might make you question your ex ‘ s actions and motivations and the things that you did to encourage it.

Spending any time at all rehashing what happened can take you right down that anger trail, even if you know that the break-up was the best thing that could have happened to you.

So, stop listening to others who trash-mouth your ex or your relationship. Better yet, shut them down and move on.

Feeling angry after a breakup, even if it was mutual, is not unusual.

Emotions are interesting things and surprise us at every turn. Who would have thought that the emotion that manifested after a mutual break-up would be anger?

Do you have unanswered questions or things that were left unsaid? Are you disappointed that the relationship ended, and are your friends dissing you? Are you looking out into the world of dating with despair?

All of those things can lead to anger but know that the anger will pass. It will pass quicker if you take stock of the things that I discussed above, but it will, with time, fade into something that you don ‘ t have to think about any more.

Life will go on. And you will be happy. I promise!

5 Reasons You Might be Holding on to a Toxic Relationship

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Holding on to a toxic relationship instead of letting go is, more often than not, the norm.

The strength that it takes to walk away from any relationship, much less a toxic one, is huge and the fear of the pain that we might feel even worse.

If you want to find the strength to stop holding on to a toxic relationship, it ‘ s important to understand why we are holding on – what is motivating us to not let go and walk away from something that is only making us miserable.

To help you understand, here are 5 reasons you might be holding on to a toxic relationship and ways to push back on the reasons so you can move on.

#1 – Fear of being alone.

It is the human condition to want to be in a pair. To have someone to share one ‘ s life and experiences with. That is the goal.

Unfortunately, for many of us, we are willing to settle for ‘ ˜good enough ‘ when it comes to finding the other half of our twosome. We believe that if we let go of the bird in hand, we will NEVER find another person to love. The prospect of putting ourselves out there again so that we can find that person is overwhelmingly daunting. So, we hold on to the one we have now. No matter how bad they are for us.

Let me tell you, from decades of personal and professional experience; there is always another person out there for us. We might not find them right away, but we will NEVER find them if we stay in the relationship that we are in.

So, if you are staying in your toxic relationship because you believe that if you leave you will always be alone, let me tell you that you won ‘ t! There is a person out there for you, a person who will be your perfect half, who will make you whole.

#2 – Low self-esteem.

I can ‘ t tell you how many of my clients who are in toxic relationships have very low self-esteem.

They just don ‘ t believe that they are worthy of good love, and, if they do, they have no idea how to go out and find it.

Unfortunately, the result of toxic relationships can be the lowering of self-esteem. We are unhappy, isolated from our friends, belittled for any perceived shortcomings and know, deep down, that we aren ‘ t being treated well.

And if we don ‘ t feel good about ourselves, we attract men who don ‘ t feel good about us either.

For me, part of letting go of my toxic love was focusing on my business. I was able to redirect the pain of letting go of the relationship into something that made me feel really good about myself. And feeling good about myself allowed me to let him go and find someone who sees just how awesome I am.

#3 – Patterns and habits.

I can ‘ t overemphasize enough how big a role patterns play in our lives.

Think about your daily routines and patterns and how off you feel those days that your routines are broken. Like if you always have breakfast before you head out the door and one day you just can ‘ t and how you just don ‘ t feel yourself for the rest of the day.

Now imagine this in a relationship. When a relationship is new and good, we establish patterns and routines with our partners. And those patterns and routines become entrenched in our lives. Breaking them can be nearly impossible.

Do you imagine what Christmas would be like without your partner? Or wonder who you would go to the movies with on Wednesdays? Those are the patterns that keep us with our toxic loves. We don ‘ t want to let go of them, can ‘ t conceive of life without them, and that keeps us trapped.

Interestingly, even breaking up and getting back together gets routine. With my toxic relationship, I would break up with him and then, like clockwork, 8 weeks later he would reach out to me, and before I knew it I was back where I started. I can ‘ t tell you how many times that happened.

I have since learned that if you can get past that 8-week mark, you can break a pattern. And I can promise you that you will find someone else to go to the movies with on Wednesdays. I did.

#4 – Self-blame.

One of the most insidious things about toxic love is that, after a while, we start to blame ourselves for everything that is going wrong.

I have a client whose husband had a relationship with one of their employees. For three years, my client has asked her husband to fire that woman and for three years, he has promised to and hasn ‘ t. She is beside herself, and rightly so.

The thing is, her husband has done a remarkable job making her feel like their issues are HER fault. He says that if she could just let this go, they could be happy. That she has no compassion for this other woman ‘ s children – what would they do if their mother had no income? Because of his accusations, she truly questions her mental health some days.

Do you blame yourself for why your relationship is toxic? Do you believe that if you could just have been a little bit nicer or paid more attention to him or had sex with him when he wanted you to that, everything would be just fine?

If yes, stop. Your person is making your life difficult, and while you might play a role in the situation, I can promise you that it ‘ s NOT all your fault.

#5 – You are soulmates.

Do you believe that the relationship that you share with your person is like none other? That the intense passion and connection that you share can not compare with anyone else ‘ s relationship and that letting it go would be such a waste?

Let me tell you, EVERYONE feels that way about their relationship. I hate to burst your bubble, but while the love you have for this person might be strong, it ‘ s not the ultimate love in the world and letting go of it will not be the end of love for you.

As a matter of fact, if you can let go of your toxic love, then you are WAY more likely to find a connection that is real and wonderful and magic.

I did.

Holding on to a toxic relationship often happens because we fear the pain that we will feel if we let go.

But letting go of toxic love is very important for a happy life. Can you imagine spending the rest of your life living with someone who makes your life miserable more often than they make you happy?

Could you ever be happy if the rest of your life is the same as your life today?

I know that for me finally getting out of my toxic relationship gave me the time, strength and focus to build my business and my self-esteem. It made me understand that I could break patterns and not only survive but thrive. I learned that I was okay being alone and that while to me our love was special, really there is other, better love in this world.

So, what are you waiting for? Letting go of a toxic love is something that you can start doing right now!

How to Make Peace with Letting Go of Someone Who Left You

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Are you trying to make peace with letting go of someone who left you?

Have you been working through the end of the relationship but are having a hard time accepting that it is over and moving on?

You are not alone.

The end a relationship is like a death, and learning to accept it can be beyond difficult. All of the hopes and dreams we had for the future have been dashed – how do we recover from that?

Fortunately, there are things that you can do to help you make peace with letting go of someone who left you and move on to a life full of happiness and love.

#1 – Mourn.

For many of us, when we are struggling with pain, we tell ourselves to suck it up. Appearing to be sad about the end of the relationship makes us look weak, and we don ‘ t want that.

Our friends tell us to move on – that our person wasn ‘ t worthy of us and that we will find someone who will love us someday. So, just move on. You are better off.

I am here to tell you that this attitude, while understandable, isn ‘ t going to help you make peace with letting go of someone who left you. It is important that to process what has happened, you feel the pain.

What do I mean? I mean, whatever it is that you need to do to let the pain that you are feeling out of your body. Cry, scream, yell, throw something (not at someone, though) – whatever you need to do to feel your feelings and release them. Holding in your emotions will only magnify them.

It ‘ s okay for you to take some time to get past this. To sit on the couch and eat ice cream, to drink a little too much with your friends, to hang out with your family, who loves you best. These things are important. Your heart has had a shock and it will need time to recuperate.

So, take some time, no matter what people say, to let out your emotions and work through and recover from the pain. Doing so will help you move on.

#2 – Make a list.

One of the reasons that it ‘ s hard for us to get over a breakup and move on is because of the tricks that our brains play on us.

After we break up with someone, or are broken up with, we no longer have time with our people. We no longer are building up memories, good and bad, but instead are left with memories of things past. And, for some reason, our brains only hold on to the good things, the things about our relationship that made us happy.

Perhaps the memories consist of how things were at the beginning or the time you went to the Bahamas together or the brew fest you attended last fall. Those were all positive parts of your relationship and ones that you hold onto.

The reality of the relationship might be somewhat different. Perhaps the person they were, in the beginning is not at all the person they ended up being. Perhaps in the Bahamas, they drank way too much, and you spent a lot of time alone. Perhaps they were crabby at the end of the brew fest, and you had to leave early. The brain doesn ‘ t remember those things – it only remembers the good ones.

So, I encourage everyone to make a list while they are trying to get past a break-up, a list of all of the things that weren ‘ t good about the relationship. Even if you were broken up with suddenly, I would bet that if you did some soul searching there would be things that were happening that you might have ignored. Write those things down.

Having a list will make a big difference as you work to get over a break up and move on.

#3 – Let go of the victim mentality.

Ok, so, your person has left you and you are alone, devastated, and that is a truly horrible thing. And perhaps you are convinced that your person is a horrible person to just walk out on you even though nothing was wrong. Perhaps you are telling yourself that you are the victim in all of this.

Now, I am not saying that you haven ‘ t been blindsided and hurt deeply – this is how it is at the end of a relationship, especially if you have been left. But I would argue that perhaps some of what you are telling yourself isn’t, in fact, based on truth and that if you continue to play the victim in your breakup, if you continue to take no responsibility for its demise, then trying to make peace with letting go of someone who left you will be impossible.

Are you sitting around feeling sorry for yourself? Are you telling yourself that you did nothing wrong and that it was all on your ex and that they treated you horribly and that you don ‘ t deserve this after all you have done for them and that they were wrong and you were right etc. etc. etc.?

While some of what you are thinking might be true, I would encourage you to examine your role in the demise of the relationship. Even if they cheated on you, you played some role in making space for your partner to want to fool around. I am NOT saying that this is your fault, but I am saying that holding on to being a victim here isn ‘ t going to let you get past this.

For years, after my ex-husband left me for another woman, I played the victim – the person who was abandoned by the man who swore in front of our friends and family to love me forever. Not being able to break out of the victim mode held me back from healing. Once I was finally able to see that, while I was still hurt, I wasn ‘ t blameless in what happened, and by doing so, I was finally able to start making peace with the end of my marriage.

#4 – Don ‘ t sabotage yourself.

Ok, be honest. When was the last time you stalked your ex? Was it one minute, one hour, one day or one month ago? How did it feel when you stalked them? Great? I am guessing not.

We do many things to sabotage ourselves when we are trying to make peace by letting go of someone who left. We stalk them online, wondering what they are doing and who they are doing it with. We seek closure, sometimes more than once. We move on too quickly, only to run back to our ex, begging for another chance. We let our ex come and go, taking advantage of our emotional fragility.

If you want to make peace with letting go of your ex, it is essential that you don ‘ t sabotage yourself. That you do the things that you need to do to keep yourself strong in the face of all the pain.

Make sure you take care of yourself. You sleep and eat and exercise. Spend time with people who love you and who will remind you how amazing you are. Do things that make you feel good, like a massage or a pedicure. Buy yourself something pretty. Build yourself an altar to your hopes and dreams.

Don ‘ t spend even a moment more sabotaging yourself, making yourself weaker in the face of what happened. Stand up for yourself and prepare to move on.

#5 – Take stock of what you want.

For many of us, when we are broken up, we are sure that we will never love or be loved again. We believe that this person is the only person who could ever make us happy.

I would like to argue that the person who just left you is not the only person who can make you happy but is, instead, simply the one who is in front of you right now. The one who you gave time and effort, and your heart to. But not, I promise, the only person for you.

Now is the time to take stock of what you want in a person. What kind of person would make your heart sing, who would make you feel safe and secure, who would be the kind of person who would stand by you no matter what?

After this, take stock of the kind of person your ex was. Were they the kind of person who would be able to be who you would want? Who could give you what you want in life and love?

Be honest with yourself. Don ‘ t say, ‘ ˜they could be if only ‘ ¦. ‘ If your person isn ‘ t who you would want them to be right now, let them go. People might change, but only if they want to. Don ‘ t love someone for who they could be.

Your person is out there, and they aren ‘ t the person who just let you go.

Knowing how to make peace with letting go of someone who left you is an important part of moving forward.

If you hold onto anger and resentment, getting past your person and finding a healthy and happy relationship will be impossible.

So, make sure you mourn the end of your relationship, make a list of things that you know weren ‘ t good in the relationship, let go of your victim mentality, don ‘ t sabotage yourself and look ahead to the future instead of looking back.

I know that it feels impossible now but if you can make peace with letting go of someone who left you, you will be able to move forward and get the life, and love, that you have always dreamed of.

I promise.

How to Let Go of Regrets in the New Year So that You Can Be Happy (2023)

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Are you, like many of us, hoping to let go of regrets in the New Year?

You know the regrets I am talking about – the ones that give you a pit in your stomach when you think about them. The regrets about choices that you did or didn ‘ t make.

Regrets can be hard to live with. Regrets make you think about the way your life could have been if only you had gone a different direction. And, unfortunately, regrets can keep us mired in the past instead of living in the now and seeing the potential of the future.

Learning how to let go of regrets is the best thing that you can do to help build the life you want.

Here are 5 ways to let go of regrets in the New Year so that you can look ahead to the potential of your life instead of being stuck in the past.

#1 – Identify them.

For many of us, we have more than one regret and those regrets are rolling around in our brains, doing nothing but causing us damage.

I am a big believer in getting things out of your head and onto paper. They say that thoughts are 4x more destructive left in your head than they are when they are out in the world. Therefore, I encourage you to sit down with a pad of paper and write out your regrets. It might not be easy but it will be the first step towards letting them go.

A few of my regrets, just for example.

  1. That I didn ‘ t choose running over badminton in 8th grade.
  2. That I didn ‘ t say yes to Shawn Miele when he asked me out to lunch.
  3. That I went to culinary school instead of the hotel management school.
  4. That we moved to Boulder instead of staying in Maine.
  5. That I didn ‘ t address my mood issues sooner.

It ‘ s interesting; writing out that list was harder than I thought. I thought that I had tons of regrets, but actually, it seems that I only have a few. That feels pretty good, actually.

#2 – Don ‘ t kid yourself.

The thing about regrets is that we are always longing for the life we might have lived if we had chosen that road instead of the one we did. Hindsight is always 20/20, and we just know that if we had made a different choice, our life would have been better.

But I don ‘ t think it ‘ s that easy. Yes, if you had chosen a different path your life might have played out differently but that doesn ‘ t necessarily mean it would have been better.

I recently read an excellent book about regrets, The Midnight Library. In it, the protagonist Nora is given a chance to live the many lives that she would have lived if she made a different choice. And yes, some things in her many lives were better, but her life definitely wasn ‘ t perfect.

In one, she was the rock star (a past regret being that she had walked away from her band), but, in that life, her brother had died of a drug overdose. In another, she was married to the man she had regretted walking away from, but, in this life, he was an alcoholic, and their marriage was a shambles. Third, she was a geologist, a career not chosen, but she was in Antarctica when her mother died.

So yes, if we had made the choices that we regret not making, our lives might have been different but perhaps not necessarily better.

I know that while I regretted moving to Boulder because I think it was the reason my marriage fell apart, I also know that, if we hadn ‘ t moved, my daughter wouldn ‘ t have found the high school that changed her life and that we wouldn ‘ t have adopted the dog who helped my son get through college.

Making that choice, I believe, changed the course of my life. While my marriage falling apart was devastating, in the end, it was all good. I have a wonderful life, and my kids are thriving.

So, look at your regrets and recognize that the life you think you might have led had you made that choice is not based on any truth but on a story you have created in your head.

#3 – Ask yourself why?

For many of us, we don ‘ t know why we made the choices that we did.

Did we do it because we were scared or because we were depressed or because others made the choice for us?

I know that for me many of my regrets have to do with a lack of self-esteem born from depression.

I didn ‘ t choose running because, in spite of being told I was excellent by the PE teacher, I didn ‘ t believe that I could do it. I chose culinary school instead of hotel management because my then boyfriend thought that was what I wanted to do. I didn ‘ t take a look at the emotional struggle I had dealt with my whole life because it just felt like too much effort.

The key part of understanding why you made the choices you did it so that, going forward, you don ‘ t make those mistakes again. You don ‘ t make choices that you regret making.

Because a key part of letting go of regrets is looking to the future and the potential that is there for you and reaching out and taking it.

I know that, since I have dealt with my depression, I make my own decisions, and I stick to them. As a result, I very much have the life that I always wanted to have. That life started at 50 years old, but I have a lot of years left, so it ‘ s ok.

#4 – Where are you in your life?

Speaking of where I am in my life, I know that now my regrets are fewer than they were in the past. I believe that it ‘ s because I am happy.

Back in the days when I wasn ‘ t living the life I wanted, when I was a stay-at-home mom with no identity of my own, in an unhappy marriage, struggling with depression and lack of follow-through, I spent a lot more time focused on my regrets.

If only I had made a different choice, my life would have been so much better.

Now, because I am happy, I can look at those regrets and recognize that the choices I made got me to where I am today. Yes, I might have wished I had a degree in hotel management, but I also know that being a life coach and growing my own business has been incredibly satisfying.

Take a look at your life. Are you where you want to be? Do you think that you focus on regrets because of how unhappy you are in your life? Do you constantly say, ‘ ˜If I had just made that choice instead of this one, my life would be better? ‘

I get it. I do. But what I can tell you is that, while you can ‘ t change the past, you can change the future. Try not to think of yourself as who you could have been by focusing on the past, but instead think of who you can be by seeing the potential for yourself for the future.

Because it never is too late to live the life you want. Again, I didn ‘ t find true happiness until I turned 50 when I made the decision to move to NYC and never look back. I built a life for myself full of love and success, and if I had stayed in the past, mired in my regrets, I never would have gotten there.

#5 – The Many Worlds Theory.

Ok, this one is kind of strange and feel free to skip past it if it ‘ s too much for you, but I just learned about something that I never knew before.

Some scientists who study quantum mechanics believe in the concept of the multiverse, specifically the Many Worlds theory, which posits that there isn ‘ t only this life that exists but that there are a number of other universes, in each of which we are living a different life, different lives based on choices we made.

If you follow that idea, then it is possible that there is another you, or many other yous, living the life that you might have lived had you made a different choice. That somewhere out there, I had a hotel management degree or I was an Olympic runner or I had faced my depression early on.

Somewhere out there, I am living many different lives, lives based on the choices I made.

For some reason, this idea gives me a lot of peace. The idea that the life I could have lived had I made different choices is happening somewhere that I am experiencing the things I have always wished I was experiencing makes me profoundly happy. I know I will never know what that life is, but I am happy that a different me is living it.

I know – this all sounds very far-fetched, but I wanted to share it with you in case it resonates as it does with me.

I hope that I have been helpful in showing you how to let go of regrets in the New Year.

Regrets are based on ideas in our head of how things could be, not on any kind of truth. Spending so much time focusing on the theoretical doesn ‘ t get us anywhere. In fact, it holds us back.

So, take some time to take stock of your regrets, push back on them so that you can take away some of their control over your life. Take stock of why you have them so that you don ‘ t make choices the same way again, and take a good hard look at where you are in your life and what you can do to change it.

And, finally, think about that other ‘ ˜you ‘ out there, living another life, one that isn ‘ t perfect but that is full of human fallibility and love.

Now that you know how to let go of regrets, go out there and do it!

I know you can!

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