5 Top Secrets That the Happiest Couples Already Know

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Do you know those friends of yours who always look so happy together? The ones who you know not only look happy but who are happy? Together. Don ‘ t you sometimes just hate them? Don’t you wonder about the top secrets that the happiest couples already know?

What do they know that you don ‘ t know? That is always the question whispered among those who wish they, too, could be so happy.

Here are the answers.

#1 – Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex.

So, let ‘ s just start with the obvious one.

Every happily married couple has a sex life that suits them. There is no exact formula for how much sex a couple must have to be happy. Instead, each couple needs to decide what is best for them, to talk about it and play around and meet each other ‘ s sexual needs in a way that makes everyone excited.

I have a client whose husband wants to have sex EVERY night, and while she really likes having sex with him, every night just doesn ‘ t work for her. She used to just rebuff his advances, which made him feel bad, but on my advice, she talked to him about it. She explained how she felt; they agreed that she would be the instigator and that she would instigate often. That worked for both of them, and they were happy.

So tick this one off of your list. Talk to your partner about your sex life and make a plan to make it work well for both of you.

Sounds fun, right?

#2 – Equitable division of labor.

I have known many, many married couples. I have known many, many divorced couples. What is the differentiating factor that exists between the two?Equality in the execution of chores.

My 15-year-old daughter did a survey for school once. Who were the happiest parents among her friend group? She discovered that those who shared the household chores, particularly the meal planning, were the happiest.

Why? Because chores are a HUGE bone of contention for many couples. HUGE.

What usually happens is that the person ‘ in charge ‘ delegates the chores to their spouse. The ‘ in charge ‘ person has expectations about the execution of the chore, and if it ‘ s not done within the expected time or in the expected way, tensions flair. The delegator takes it personally and lashes out, and the executor is left bewildered because they had no idea what the expectations were.

If both people are responsible for the delegation and execution of the chores, then a huge issue just disappears. Things get done or don ‘ t, and both partners are responsible.

So, my daughter reported my ex-husband ‘ s and my decision to divide and conquer (he would work, and I would run the house) was the deciding factor in the failure of our marriage. My sister-in-law and her husband, who equally shared home responsibilities, are living happily ever after.

I wish she had done this research earlier ‘ ¦

#3 – Inside jokes.

What really? How can that be? That is such a little thing.

Happy couples are like a little island unto themselves. Sure, they have families and friends and jobs and responsibilities, but they also have things that they only share with each other, inside jokes.

Imagine this. You and your spouse are at a family BBQ. Tensions are flying over something. Politics, perhaps. And then your father-in-law says something, something that he ALWAYS says and that you and your spouse have whispered about in bed at night. You meet eyes as the statement is made, and you just connect. You smile and nod and go on with the day with a warm feeling in your tummy.

Connection is what real love is about. And having a secret is super fun. So having an inside joke, a combination of the two, can ‘ t be beat for keeping couples close.

#4 – Pie in the sky hopes and dreams.

Happy couples are couples who not only dream big but dream big together.

Remember when you were young and falling in love? Hours would be spent talking about the future – the jobs, the house, the kids, the happily ever after. And then life happens. Day-to-day living gets in the way of those dreams.

But not for happy couples. Happy couples still dream together. It might be little things, like dreaming of a movie date on Friday, but they dream together and work as a team to get it done.

So dream big. Or small. But dream together.

#5 – Putting each other first. Period.

Yes, yes, I know. There are so many important things in our lives these days. Making money is one of the first that comes to mind. Making sure our children grow into successful adults is another. And then there is exercise. And friends. And hobbies. And your phone.

And all of these are important. But one thing that you realize when you no longer have a partner is that none of these things really matter because you, well, you don ‘ t have a partner.

So make your partner your priority. Every day.

Work is important, but so is getting home for date night. That Saturday morning 15-mile run? Go for it, but if you could instead spend the morning alone with your spouse, consider it. A movie night with the girls? Bring your husband instead. Movie negotiable. The phone? Put it down.

Consider all the good that could come from making your spouse a priority. Connection, laughter, physical affection, goodwill, sex, happiness. Arguably more life-enhancing than the money and the muscles and the children with a perfect scores on their SAT.

Being part of happy couple isn ‘ t something that just happens. It, like all of the best things in life, takes concerted effort.

That effort at work pays off with a raise. That effort at the gym pays off with muscles. Why not make that effort with your partner and be one of those truly happy couples?

So listen to the top secrets that the happiest couples already know. Go home, look your spouse in the eye and kiss them hard, throw your dirty clothes in the hamper, laugh about the co-worker you love to hate, talk about a trip away together next month, make love and fall asleep happy.

It will all be worth it. I promise.

If you are still reading this, it’s your goal to be one of the world’s happiest couples.

Let me help you NOW, so you can reach you goal sooner!

Email me at [email protected], and let’s get started.

5 Most Important Questions To Ask Someone On A First Date

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Are you wondering what questions you must ask someone on a first date?

We all go into our first dates hoping for the best. Hoping that this will be the ONE who will end our lonely days forever. And with that hope comes a reluctance to ask questions.

Why? Because we often don ‘ t want to know the answers.

It ‘ s important to know a few basic facts about someone before you commit to spending more time developing a relationship. Without knowing the facts, you could miss some serious red flags and waste a HUGE amount of time in your search for the ONE.

And we don ‘ t want that. So ask away…

Here are the 5 Most Important Questions To Ask On A First Date:

#1 – Are you married?

Seriously? Do you need to ask that question? The answer is a resounding YES!

You would be amazed at how many married people out there want to date other people. Some of them are in open marriages, and some of them just want to fool around. Either way, you want to know the answer.

If the answer is yes, you need to decide if you want to be involved with a married person. Being involved with a married person brings with it a multitude of issues, most notably making it very difficult for you to find the ONE, no matter what he tells you.

And that is the goal right? Finding the ONE?

#2 – How long have you been single?

Once you know they are single it ‘ s important to know how long they have been single.

As a general rule of thumb, we experts recommend that you not date someone who has been divorced within the last two years. Divorce wreaks havoc that regular breakups do not, and the recovery period is longer. A newly divorced person just won ‘ t be ready for you, in spite of what they might think.

If your potential partner has just gone through a non-marriage break up, that could also be a red flag. Someone who is newly out of a relationship could be, consciously or unconsciously, looking for a rebound relationship. You do NOT want to be the rebound person.

Ideally, your prospective mate would be someone who has been single for a period of time, not just because they have had time to recover from a breakup but because it ‘ s more likely that they are no longer attached to the person they broke up with.

Nobody wants to date someone who is still holding a torch for someone else, do they?

#3 – Are you employed?

One of the first questions we ask when we meet anyone is ‘ What do you do? ‘ It ‘ s what Americans do. And it can be a tough question to answer, especially in this day and age when people do a variety of things at once.

A more important question is ‘ Are you currently working? ‘

The reasons you want to know the answer to this question? Because you want to know if they are financially and emotionally secure.

Financial security is obvious. No one wants to get involved with someone who can ‘ t carry his or her weight financially. Emotional security is a tougher one.

People who are unemployed are often in a delicate position emotionally. They could be actively seeking work and unable to find any. They could be thinking that the work out there is below them and refuse to compromise. They could have had issues at an old job that continue on into new jobs. All of these situations could lead to insecurity and low self-esteem.

Insecurity and low self-esteem are not things that lend themselves well to a healthy relationship. And DON ‘ T think that you can fix them because you can ‘ t.

So ask not only ‘ What do you do ‘ but ‘ Where do you do it? ‘

Want to talk first dates? Me too! Let’s do it….

#4 – Do you get along with your family?

Really? Knowing how someone gets along with his or her family is important.

The family is the fundamental relationship of someone ‘ s life and how they interact with that family is important to know.

If your date talks about the close relationship he has with his siblings and that his mother drives him nuts but that he talks to her every Sunday then you know that this person is capable of a healthy emotional connection.

If your date talks about the family that lives across the country who he hasn ‘ t seen in years, then it is possible the deep emotional connection might be more difficult for him. Why? Because the basic human connection that we make as children influence who we are as grown-ups. And someone who has a rough relationship with his family could be tough to truly connect with.

So ask the question and listen carefully to the answer.

#5 – Do you have kids?

This one is SO important because kids change everything.

Kids can, more than any other single thing, affect a relationship because kids are, more often than not, THE priority. They will be made the priority above you every single time. Every single time.

And maybe that ‘ s okay with you. Maybe you have kids, too and understand the priorities. Or maybe you are willing to make his kids your priority as well.

But maybe it ‘ s not. Maybe you want to always be first or maybe you just aren ‘ t ready to have kids. And that ‘ s okay.

So ask the question. Because kids will always come first, no matter what you might tell yourself going in.

Dating is time-consuming and emotionally fraught, and really you don ‘ t want to waste even one minute on someone who raises any red flags at all. Red flags should be noted and acted on.

So ask the questions. Get your answers early. Get your answers so you can decide to fish or cut bait right away because there are other fish in the sea. Fish who might be better for you. And tastier.

Going on a first date and feeling nervous?
Let me help!
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3 Sentences In An Apology That Will Work

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You have done something to hurt someone. Intentionally or unintentionally. Either way, that person is really hurt. And you want to fix it. You know you need an apology that will work.

You have been trying to apologize, to make them see things from your perspective, to get them to understand your intentions. All to no avail. Hope is not lost.

There is a way to apologize that will be both heard and accepted. Read on to learn how. Before we begin, you have to understand WHAT you have to apologize for. You did something that caused someone pain. And THAT is what you have to apologize for. Causing that person pain. Not for what you did to cause the pain.

I have a client whose husband showed up 30 minutes late on a night when he swore he would be home on time. They were supposed to go out for her birthday, and she had made special dinner reservations. He had tried to get home but got caught up in a work crisis.

Should he need to apologize? I mean, he was late because of work. He had no control over that. Of course, he needs to apologize!

Why? Not because he was kept late at work but because he HURT HER by not getting home when he said that he would. Do you see the difference? The slight is that he caused her pain.

Whatever he did to cause that pain is irrelevant. That is what you are apologizing for causing them pain. Get it?

Sentence #1 – ‘ I am sorry that I hurt you. ‘

This is the perfect first line of any apology. You are acknowledging that you have caused someone pain. They know that you know that you hurt them and by stating it clearly you can, and will, immediately deflate your loved one ‘ s anger.

The most important part of this sentence is that it ends after the YOU and that it doesn ‘ t continue on with a BUT. An explanation of why you were late and why you weren ‘ t at fault will completely invalidate the first part of the sentence. Completely.

Again, what you are apologizing for is that you hurt someone. How you did so is irrelevant in this first part of the apology. So accept it and apologize for the hurt you have caused.

#2 – ‘ How can I prevent it from happening again? ‘

This second sentence is very important because it allows the person you hurt to take some ownership of how to prevent it from happening again.

In the case of my client, after she calmed down when she realized that her husband knew how much he had hurt her, she thought about what could be done differently in the future to prevent him from causing her pain. She suggested that the next time he knew he was going to be late, he called her so that she could change their reservations. She would also know that he knew he was late and that he was sensitive to the situation, which could help her from getting hurt.

Armed with this knowledge my client ‘ s husband had the tools he needed to stop himself from hurting his wife in the future when he was going to be late. It was up to him to know when to use those tools and to do so.

#3 – ‘ What can I do to make it up to you? ‘

This one is a fun one. Amends. So my client ‘ s husband acknowledged that he had hurt her and did not try to justify his behaviour. Now he wanted to know what he could do to make it up to her ‘ ¦. Once again, my client, the hurt party, was in a position of control. Not a dominating sort of control but in control of how the outcome of the situation could play out. By being in this kind of control, my client was given the opportunity to express what she needed to move past this hurt.

Her husband didn ‘ t have to guess, which is good because husbands aren ‘ t always good at guessing. My client suggested a bottle of very nice champagne at home with some birthday cake. The kids were off at a friend ‘ s house, and having some alone time just the two of them was what she wanted most anyway. He was, of course, happy to accommodate, and the night ended very well indeed.

Again, the key to the perfect apology is recognizing that you are apologizing for the hurt that you caused and not the behavior that caused it. You hurt someone, and that is what you need to apologize for, no matter how much you believe that it couldn ‘ t have been avoided or that you weren ‘ t at fault.

So go ahead. Apologize. Mean it. Move forward together in a meaningful way. It just might change your life. Try it. You will see.

 

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really need to apologize for something.

Let me help you, NOW, before too much time passes.

Email me at [email protected], or click here, and let’s get started!

 

 

5 Ways to Forgive – Even if it Seems Impossible

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Did somebody do something to you that hurt you deeply? Are you looking for ways to forgive because you want and need to?

Perhaps your sister embarrassed you AGAIN at a family gathering with something she said. Perhaps your husband chose your mother-in-law ‘ s side in a discussion about where to spend Easter. Or a good friend forgot to invite you to her Cabi party.

And are you so angry, so hurt, that you just can ‘ t get past it?

I am here to tell you that you can.

Holding a grudge is one of the worst things that you can do for your health. So don ‘ t!

#1 – Recognize that everyone is human.

Everyone is doing the best that they can. Let me say that again. Everyone is doing the best that they can.

The person you are today, right now, is the result of a lifetime of experiences, experiences that include how your mother loved you when you were a child and the way that taxi driver splashed you with a muddy puddle this morning.

It is a combination of those things that determine how you react to something the way you do. The same rules apply to other people.

Do you know that co-worker who is rude to you every morning when you come into the office? Who doesn ‘ t greet you with a smile and small talk? Do you resent that person, think perhaps she is a bitch? Do you spend way too much time thinking about it during meetings?

That co-worker is just a person doing the best that she can, and you have no idea what she is dealing with. Perhaps she has an autistic child who needs to be dropped off at daycare in the morning, and the process is devastating every time. Might that person not be able to greet you with a happy smile in the morning? Might that person be more in need of some compassion from you?

Don ‘ t assume anything about anyone. We are all just doing the best that we can. We are human, after all.

#2 – Don ‘ t take everything personally.

It is not all about you. Again, it is not all about you.

‘ What ‘ s this? ‘ you think. ‘ Of course, it ‘ s all about me. ‘

When someone hurts you, I can guarantee that they almost never set out to hurt you. What they do might be insensitive but more often than not, hurting you is not the reason why someone does something.

When your husband sides with your mother-in-law about Easter Sunday, he is not doing it to purposely hurt you. He is doing it because he wants to please his mother or even perhaps because he genuinely believes her plan is the better one.

He does not do it because he has no respect for your opinions because he does and he demonstrated this last week when he applauded your actions around a problem at work.

He did it for his own reasons, ones that have nothing to do with you.

Not taking everything as a personal affront is an excellent way to take steps towards forgiveness. Know that people do things for a variety of reasons, and hurting you is rarely one of them.

#3 – Look to the future, not the past.

Do you want your present and your future to be based on the past? Or do you want your future to be bright and full of possibilities?

If yes, stop looking to the past and look forward with an open heart.

I have a client whose husband left her a LONG time ago, and she still can ‘ t get past it. Everything that is wrong in her life she blames on his leaving her. Everything.

In an effort to help her forgive her husband and move on, we have been working on her building a life for herself. She has found a great job and is under contract in a wonderful apartment. She is dating again and spending lots of time with her grandchildren. For the first time in years, she is happy.

The more that she focuses on her present and her future, the less time she spends obsessing about the past and all of her perceived losses. Because that ‘ s how her losses are perceived. She has no idea how her life might have been if her husband had stayed with her. What she does know is how amazing her life is now.

And that is what counts.

#4 – Take responsibility.

This is a hard one – to take responsibility for our role in a perceived hurt. But it ‘ s a very important one.

We all play a role in every interaction we have. And, like it or not, our role is as relevant to the outcome as the other person ‘ s.

In the case of my client, who was irate about not being invited to her friend ‘ s Cabi party, I asked her to take a good look at why she thought she might not have been invited.

At first, she said that she had no idea that her friend was just a loser. But then, after some reflection, she realized that she hadn ‘ t really enjoyed the last Cabi party and that she might have expressed those feelings to a few of their friends.

Perhaps her friend hadn ‘ t invited her for just that reason? Not because she was a loser and wanted to hurt her friend, but maybe because she knew her friend didn ‘ t enjoy the parties and wanted her not to feel compelled to attend?

Hmm, that changes things a bit, doesn ‘ t it?

#5 – Be honest and let it go.

You know when you stay up all night, playing and replaying something that your sister said to you on the phone? How it was just like something that she has said to you your entire life? How it drives you crazy every time?

Have you ever told her that it drives you crazy every time? Perhaps now is the time.

Being honest with someone about something they are doing that hurts you is important. And it ‘ s important to do so in an honest, non-passive-aggressive way.

It ‘ s entirely possible that your sister doesn ‘ t know how she repeatedly upsets you. If you tell her, you are giving her an opportunity to change or explain her behaviour. And if you understand the reasons behind her behaviours, you can accept them and let them go.

Because who wants to stay up all night perseverating about their sister’s words and actions? Sleep is a precious thing that shouldn ‘ t be squandered needlessly.

So let it go. Get some sleep. Be happy.

‘ To err is human, to forgive, divine. ‘ So said Alexander Pope in the early 1700s. He knew even back then the virtue found in forgiveness. He knew that we were all doing the best that we could and to forgive is to find God.

So look for ways to forgive. Practice forgiveness. Cut those who upset you some slack, accept responsibility for your share of the blame, let go of the past and make yourself a bright future.

Because that ‘ s what we want. No matter how dark our past is, we want our future to be bright. And with forgiveness, it can be.

 

If you have read this far, you must really need to find ways to forgive.
Let me help you, NOW, before the anger eats you alive!
Email me at [email protected], and let’s get started!

 

 

 

5 Ways to Get Exactly What You Want – Even if it Seems Impossible

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So you have a dream. Something that you really want. Perhaps something that you have always wanted or maybe something you have just recently come to understand you want. You have a dream.

There are ways to get exactly what you want – even if it seems impossible.

Time to make it happen. You can do it!

#1 – Know what EXACTLY it is you want.

In order to get what you want to have to know exactly what it is you want.

I have a client who hired me because she wanted to move and she needed support to do so. ‘ What, ‘ I asked her, ‘ does that mean, specifically? ‘

She wasn’t sure. She was renting, and she hated her apartment. So I asked some questions.

Did she want to move to another apartment or a house? Did she want to continue to rent or to buy? Did she like her neighborhood or did she want to make a big move?

After some discussion, she decided that she wanted to stay in her neighborhood and buy either a town home or an apartment.

She knew what she wanted. Next, we started working on getting it for her.

#2 – Start taking steps NOW!

One of the biggest obstacles to getting what we want is that we get overwhelmed. The distance that we have to travel, and the obstacles that we have to overcome, can often times seem too overwhelming and so we stop before we even start.

For my client who wanted to move, she was so overwhelmed at the prospect of BUYING A HOUSE. So, instead of focusing on BUYING A HOUSE, I suggested that her first step was to go online and find some listings that she liked. Just to do that. When she was ready she would go look at some of them. The actual BUYING A HOUSE would be further down the road when the time came.

She was not overwhelmed by the prospect of looking at some listings. So she did, and she was off.

#3 – Recognize your fears.

Fear is one of the biggest obstacles for getting what we want. Fear that we won ‘ t get what we want. Fear that we will get hurt along the way. Fear that we will get what we want and then what will we do?

Identifying fears is the only way to deal with them.

For my client, her fears were many.

She was scared of the process of looking at houses. So we started slowly with identifying listings and then moved on to actually looking.

She was scared that she wouldn ‘ t find something she liked that she could afford. So she looked at many different places in her price range so see what her options were.

She was scared of the mortgage process. So I had her meet with a mortgage broker who could walk her through the process.

Fears are going to happen, but if you identify them one at a time, you can deal with them.

#4 – NO second guessing.

For many of us we know what we want but other people have opinions and as a result, we often lose sight of what that really is. Perhaps your dream gets modified because of something your mom suggests. Or perhaps you don ‘ t believe you can do it because your sister reminds you that you have never succeeded before.

Don ‘ t let this happen. Know what you want. Write it down. Write down the path to getting it. Write down the obstacles that will present themselves. Write down your fears.

When someone tries to question you, refer to your lists, remind yourself what it is that you want, that you know how to get there and that you are going to. No matter what!

You can do it!

#5 – Never never never give up.

Yes, obstacles are going to arise, fears are going to rear their ugly head, and you are going to get supremely overwhelmed. And this is where many people give up. I mean, if the House can ‘ t get the votes to repeal and replace Obamacare the first time out then it should be the law of the land forever. Right? NO!

When obstacles and fears present themselves, take them one at a time and deal with them. My client looked at house after house after house and was increasingly desolate that she would never find one. I told her to keep it up. And she did!

Until you guessed it, she found an apartment. The apartment of her dreams.

She never gave up and she got exactly what she wanted.

You have a dream. I know you do. And you can get it exactly as you want it. You just need to know what it is, see how to get there, slay obstacles one by one and never give up.

Really, how hard is that? YOU can totally do it. My client did.

And yes, she is living happily ever after ‘ ¦..

 

If you have read this far you must really wantsomething.
Let me help you, NOW, so you don’t have to wait!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

 

 

5 Ways To Stay Yourself in a New Relationship – Even if You Feel Like an Insecure Mess

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Isn ‘ t it wonderful, a new relationship? Getting to know that new special someone, looking across the room at them, and getting butterflies in your tummy. Hours spent sharing your hopes and dreams for the future. Holding hands. Romance. Great sex. Rampant insecurity.

Wait. What?

When we first get into a new relationship, we feel very confident because having someone new in our lives is a very heady experience. And yet, as we become attached to someone, feelings of insecurity can arise because with attachment comes the fear of loss. And the way we act because of that fear of loss can hijack many a new love affair.

Who wants that? Surely not you! So how can you stay yourself?

#1 – Remember that you are AWESOME.

Think about the person you are when you are single, when you aren ‘ t questioning your self-worth because of some guy. Who is that person?

Do you have a job that you love and that you are good at? Do you run marathons? Do you have a few great friends who you love to spend time with? Do you like to go to movies and try new food? Do you have a dog that thinks you are God ‘ s gift to the world?

This person is the person you want to remember when you are feeling insecure. This awesome person who your guy chose to date in the first place.

And remember, you are so awesome that more than just one guy out there wants to date you so if this one doesn ‘ t appreciate you, too bad for him.

#2 – Live your life.

DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT sit around and wait for any man to call. Or any woman for that matter, either. Time spent sitting around waiting for your life to start is time wasted.

You have a life to live, so live it. Do your work and do it well. Go to yoga, eat out with friends, and walk your dog. Do all of the things that make you feel good about yourself and do them often.

Not only will you feel good about yourself for doing the things that you love, but when your guy reaches out to see you you will be busy, and that will make him wonder why you aren ‘ t busy with him!!!!

And making him wonder is always good.

#3 – Unplug.

One of the things that you should NOT do to keep yourself busy is spent time on social media.

Even on a good day, social media can lead us down the road to despair. Fear of Missing Out (FOMO), the fear that the rest of the world is going on around you as you just sit there on your phone, is a real thing in this modern day. Time spent watching how other people are living instead of living yourself is always time wasted.

Furthermore, spending any time AT ALL stalking your suitor will only lead you to trouble, especially if you can ‘ t find him or see him doing something with someone you don ‘ t want him doing things with. Innocently or no. It will hurt.

So again, go live your life. Don ‘ t sit around and see what someone else ‘ s life looks like.

#4 – Know you probably aren ‘ t the only one feeling this way.

The more attached we are to something, whether it be a man or a friend or a coat, the more we fear losing it. And the fear of losing something can cause us to act in ways that might seem foreign. That super self-confident woman you usually are might get replaced with the shy 8th grader you used to be. Not ideal.

But do know that while you may be feeling insecure at the prospect of losing this new person in your life, they might very well be feeling the same way too. They might feel like if they text you, they could appear too eager or if they stop by your desk you might find them too needy.

Does that sound kind of familiar? Kind of like how you are feeling? How does it make you feel knowing that they might be feeling the same way too?

Kinda relieved, perhaps? Less insecure? Good.

#5 – Ask yourself ‘ What ‘ s the worst that can happen? ‘

This is a question that can be applied to a variety of life situations, but it ‘ s best application is right here.

You are in a new relationship, one that is days or weeks old. One that you have lived your entire life up until recently without.

Ask yourself, ‘ What is the worst that can happen? ‘

The answer? That you will lose this relationship. So? There are more fish in the sea. That you will embarrass yourself? You had done that before and survived. That you will actually have a great conversation and maybe another date? Well, that wouldn ‘ t suck.

Keep in mind that the worst that can happen isn ‘ t that you will drop dead if you send a text or that you will end world peace if you ask him to dance. And, with that in mind, take a step confidently in his direction. Being the rock star that you are.

Because really, what ‘ s the worst that can happen?

We all want to love and be loved. This we all know to be true (although sometimes we are loathe to admit it). And in the pursuit of love we often find ourselves losing ourselves in our attempt to please others.

But don ‘ t let yourself go. Remind yourself every day how amazing you are, that anyone would be lucky to have you, that if this relationship doesn ‘ t work out, there will be another (because there will be), and that the world won ‘ t end no matter what action you take.

Be the person that someone wants to fall in love with. Be the person who you can be in love with too.

 

Are you struggling in your new relationship?

Email me at [email protected] and let me help, before it’s too late!

 

 

 

5 Things Women MUST Do to Reach Their Dreams

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Remember when you were little, and you had big dreams for when you were finally a grown-up?

I wanted to be an astronaut. Or a ballerina. Unfortunately, my hopes of being either of those things fell by the wayside when I failed earth science and grew a foot.

After college, I thought maybe I wanted to write and help people, but my goals were vague, so instead, I went into the hospitality business and then into retail sales and then became a mom. Before I knew it, I was 40 and a working mom, and my dreams had disappeared under a load of laundry.

Now, 12 years later, I am living the life of my dreams. I write articles and blogs and coach women toward reaching their dreams. I have learned a lot along the way, and I want to share it with you today.

#1 – Be clear about what is important to you.

I can ‘ t say this enough. If you don ‘ t know what is important to you, then you can ‘ t make it a priority. Instead, your life will consist of day after day just doing the things that you need to do to get by.

Do this. Mark out 1 hour on your calendar this week, one hour to sit down with a cup of tea, and write down everything that you can think of that is important to you. Write down the things that you do and things that you don ‘ t. Set your list aside and go take a walk.

A few days later, revisit your list. Did you forget anything? Is there anything on there that maybe shouldn ‘ t be?

Next, circle the top 10 most important things on your list. From that list, circle the top 7 most important things, and then from that list circle the top 5 most important things. From your top 5 list, circle the top 3 most important things.

You now have the top 3 things that are most important to you. See, that wasn ‘ t so hard.

From there, you choose the #1 thing that is most important to you, and now you have a starting point.

#2 – Create a plan to make that #1 thing happen and make it a priority.

This is an important thing to do. Many of us get overwhelmed at the prospect of actually reaching our goal. If it’s to run 10 miles, three miles per week, and we are running nothing now, then making the jump from 0-10 miles seems undoable. So we don’t, and we give up.

Instead, we need to recognize that to reach our goal we have to take it one step at a time. And one step at a time is easy.

The first step is about getting moving. Schedule three days a week to get outside and walk. Just for 15 minutes. Something to get your body used to the movement.

Put it on your calendar. In RED ink so that you can’t ignore it.

After the first week, increase your time to 20 minutes three times per week.

After the second week, you could walk for 10 minutes and run for 10 minutes three times per week.

After the third week, you can run for the full 20 minutes three times a week.

Gradually you can increase your time and distance until you reach your goal of 10 miles three times a week.

One step at a time.

#3 – Surround yourself with a supportive and loving community.

Your community can be made up of family, friends, co-workers, and gym mates who can support you and hold you accountable. This is key to success. We all have good intentions, but without support and accountability, it ‘ s hard to stay on the path to reaching our dreams.

What is the best kind of support you can get? A life coach who will encourage you and hold you accountable. Just sayin’.

#4 – Do NOT doubt yourself.

This is the most self-sabotaging thing that we do. We listen to the voice in our head that tells us that we can ‘ t do something. That we don ‘ t have the time or that we aren ‘ t good enough, or that we don ‘ t deserve something.

This is, may I say, complete bullshit. You are an amazing person, someone who gives and gives and you should have the life of your dreams. And if you are happy, everyone around you will be happy!

Believe that you are capable of reaching your goals. One step at a time. I believe in you.

#5 – Take care of yourself and try to have a little fun.

Yes, our lives are crazy, but it is essential that every woman take a little time for herself. Take a bath, go for a walk, go shopping with a friend, climb a mountain, learn to surf, or take a road trip. Do something every day that feeds your soul. Take at least 1 day a month to do something that will make you happy.

And at least once a year get away, alone, to get to know yourself again.

Remember, it ‘ s never too late to live the life that you want. You just need to decide what that life is and then take that first step. The rest you can do, easy.

Just look at all that you do now. Only Superwoman can do what you do every day. Your dreams will be a cinch ‘ ¦

 

If you have read this far you must reallywantto reach your dreams.
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5 Ways to Get Things Done – Even if Time Seems Short

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There just aren ‘ t enough hours in the day, are there? There are school lunches to be made and buses to be caught and meetings to attend and dogs to be walked and homework to be done and mothers to be called and TV shows to catch up on. The list is endless and impossible to manage.

Or is it?

Believe it or not, there are ways to get on top of your to-do list.

#1 – Use a notebook.

A spiral-bound notebook. A notebook that makes you happy to look at and that you don ‘ t want to lose. This is the key to being productive. Every organized person you know has one.

It is in this notebook that you keep your running to-do list. When something new comes up you add it to your list. The to-do list in your notebook.

You do not keep your to-do list on a piece of paper that gets lost between the car seats or gets eaten by the dog. Your to-do list is in a notebook that you can ‘ t throw away and you refuse to lose track of.

And then, when you get something done, you get to cross that thing off of your to-do list. And I am not sure if there is anything better than crossing something off of your to-do list.

Seriously.

#2 – Set priorities.

Every morning take 10 minutes to review your to-do list and to set priorities. You can do this by starring or highlighting the things on your list that you need to get done that day.

Many of us do first the things on our list that we don ‘ t mind doing and don ‘ t do the things that need to be done.

One of my clients HATED making phone calls to set up appointments. As a result, she never did set them up, and her dishwasher didn ‘ t get fixed, her son missed his doctor ‘ s appointment, and her daughter ‘ s permission slip didn ‘ t get signed. This was not good

Once she started setting her priorities, my client 1) didn ‘ t have to make all of her phone calls at the same time but made them when they needed to be made (which made them less daunting) and 2) things that usually fell through the cracks (and did more work for her) no longer fell through the cracks.

#3 – Say No!

This is key. It is very, very hard for us to say no. We don ‘ t want to say no for a variety of reasons, whether it ‘ s because we want to do something or we feel like we should do something or we think we need to do something. So, before you say yes, take a good hard look at why you are saying yes.

One of my clients always said yes, no matter what was asked of her. She liked to keep busy and didn ‘ t want to let anyone down. But of course, she ended up letting everyone down because she couldn ‘ t be as effective at all of her tasks as she might have been. Once she started looking at why she was saying yes, and why she wasn ‘ t saying no, she was able to pick and choose what she said yes to. Once she did that she was able to manage her time more effectively and successfully complete each task.

#4 – If it takes less than 10 minutes just DO IT.

Next time you have a few minutes, while you are waiting for the bus to arrive, or for a phone call to come in or while the kids are watching TV, take a look at your list. Is there anything on it that you can get done in 10 minutes or less? If there is, DO IT! It ‘ s those little things that are daunting and tend to add up. And, again, let me tell you, from personal experience, there is nothing more mood-enhancing then crossing something off of your list.

#5 – Check your computer only 3 times a day.

Yes, I know. This is the hard one. We are all totally addicted to our screens. Totally. And I am sure you are familiar with the phenomenon known as ‘ screen sucking. ‘ This is when your computer/phone/tablet screen sucks up all of your time before you even know it. A great way to add time to your day is to stay away from your screen.

I have a client who used to check her phone every moment she got at the expense of everyone and everything around her. At my suggestion, for one week she checked it just three times a day: once in the morning, once at mid-day and once after dinner. It was painful in the beginning, she reported, but by the end of the week, the amount of time she had to be productive had dramatically increased. So try it for one week. See what happens.

There are 24 hours in our day and everyone should sleep for 8 of those hours.

That leaves you 16 hours a day to use wisely. Part of using them wisely is to do things that feed your soul but also use those hours to be productive. Staying on top of things will go a long way towards making your life a happier place.

So use my tips. Get some things done. If you do, your life will be simpler, you will be happier, and those around you will thrive. And that is the goal, yes?

 

If you have read this far you must really be looking for ways to get things done.
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5 Ways I Helped Change a Client’s Life – Even Though She Was Skeptical That I Could Do So

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I have a client who was gifted 3 life-coaching sessions by her sister. While she truly appreciated the gift, she was rather insulted that her sister thought that she needed a life coach. She wasn ‘ t really happy, she thought, but she was fine.

One month later, though, is she happy that she found me? She says that she was very skeptical coming into working with me because she had been seeing therapists for years to no avail, and then, in 3 short weeks, her life was on a completely different track.

Here is my latest: 5 Ways I Helped Change a Client ‘ s Life – Even Though She Was Skeptical That I Could Do So.

#1 – I provided insight.

During our first session, my client told me about how miserable she was. She was unhappy in her job, her marriage was floundering, she wasn ‘ t able to exercise because of an injury, and she was drinking too much. She felt hopeless.

She also told me that she had just weaned herself off of her anti-depressant. That she had reduced her dose for 3 months and she was on her second week of no meds at all.

I put two and two together and asked when her overwhelming feelings of hopelessness had started. She said about 2 months earlier. ‘ So just about when you started weaning off your meds? ‘ I asked. She thought about it and agreed with me.

I suggested that she ask her doctor about going back on her meds, perhaps at a lower dosage, to see if it made any difference with her negative feelings. And guess what? She did, and it did.

Without me there to listen and point things out objectively, with no agenda, as a relative might have, she might not have seen that her lack of meds was affecting her so. Nor, without the meds, would she have been able to start the other hard work that we began next.

#2 – I held her accountable. Big time.

During one of our sessions, we started to talk about her drinking. She was on a cleanse, and when she was done, she was determined that she wouldn ‘ t go back to her regular drinking habits. She recognized that she probably had a drinking problem but wanted to try to control it on her own.

We then talked about her calling her primary care doctor to get the name of an alcohol counselor. “Just get a name,” I told her. It would be a first step towards stopping her drinking, something that I knew was important to her because she didn ‘ t want it to affect her kids.

One week later, I checked in. She responded that she was great and that she hadn ‘ t contacted a counselor and that could she put off our appointment for two weeks so she could get some things done.

I told her no. That I wanted to talk with her on Monday, even if just for a few minutes. And what did she do because she knew that she was going to talk with me? She not only made an appointment with a therapist but she went to it before we talked.

She was feeling so great when we talked. She had much hope after her therapy session. And she thanked me for pushing her to do it.

#3 – I helped make her career clearer.

My client has a job that suits her needs. She likes what she does, works hard enough and has summers off. But she is approaching 30 and wants to make sure that she doesn ‘ t let her career life pass her by without being all that she could be.

But what would that look like? Being all that she could be?

I had her make a list of everything that made her heart sing, and then I had her read it back to me during our phone call. After she read that list, we started talking about possible career options. Because she had just read a list of what made her heart sing, her mind was clear and wide open. And we used some of those things on her list to identify a career move.

And guess what? We landed on one. A good one. Her homework was to take the first step toward making it happen.

As we were wrapping up, she said, ‘ Can I tell you something? It ‘ s almost embarrassing. I make these little kids’ bracelets, and I would love to make them and sell them on Etsy. ‘

‘ What a great idea, ‘ I replied and gave her some ideas for getting started down that path as well.

If she hadn ‘ t felt comfortable enough to trust me with that little pearl of wisdom, it might never have popped out of her mouth and come to fruition. And she was so happy it did.

#4 – I taught her how to talk with her husband.

My client has a very good relationship with her husband overall, but communication had broken down like it does in many long-term relationships.

They had some things to talk about, and she had no idea how to broach them.

I taught her that the most important part of communication is to talk not about how the other person is acting but how their actions make her feel. Another person can not get angry with you because of how you feel but they can get defensive about what they perceive is an attack on their character.

I also taught her that timing was everything. That if she wanted to talk about their drinking, I suggested that 9:00 pm, after a few cocktails, was not the best time. 9:00 am after coffee might be better.

Armed with these new tools she set out to have a constructive conversation with her hubby and one they did.

#5 – I taught her how to believe in herself.

We are all our own worst enemies. We catalog all of our worst traits and transgressions and trot them out whenever we feel it necessary. As a result, we tend to really not like or believe in ourselves.

I had my client keep a running list of daily successes. Big and small.

Getting out of bed. Not yelling at the kids before breakfast. A great meeting at work. Not having three slices of pizza for lunch but only two. Getting off the couch and going for a walk after dinner.

Successes, big and small.

I then had my client read her list of successes every night before bed. So she could sleep on them and remember them. That way those successes would be foremost in her mind, as opposed to her failures, and then she could trot them out when needed.

Believing in herself has allowed my client to move forward in her life, work on her relationship with her husband, grow her career and deal with her drinking with more self-confidence.

And self-confidence is the key to success.

So there you go, my 5 Ways I Helped Change a Client ‘ s Life.

We all have issues in our lives, and we all find them difficult to deal with. We have the support of friends and family but more often than not they just want to support us, to tell us what we want to hear.

But not a life coach. A life coach will tell you what she sees, objectively and professionally, and hold you accountable for plans that you make. She is the guardian angel who sits on your shoulder and reminds you that you are wonderful. She is the wonderland elf who gives you the tools to succeed. She is the fairy godmother who helps make all of your dreams come true.

Sounds pretty wonderful, doesn ‘ t it?

Let me help you make BIG CHANGES in your life.

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5 Things You Can Do To Keep Your Man Happy And Keep Him Wanting More

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So you have found your guy and now you are wondering what things you can do to keep your man happy…

I don ‘ t know about you but I find men a complete mystery. I have a very good male friend who I often ask for a man ‘ s perspective on something that I am thinking about doing. His answer is almost always completely different from anything that I might have come up with myself. It blows me away every time.

With that in mind I asked him to tell me what a woman can do to keep her man happy. I had a sense that it might be totally different from what women might think it could be.

And guess what? I was right!

Here is what I learned.

#1 – Let him make you laugh.

If there is one thing that men love, it ‘ s external validation that they are all that. So much of how men connect with the world is about what is external vs. internal – how they look, how they are perceived, how successful the world thinks they are vs. how they are thinking and feeling. And this is okay. It ‘ s different from women, and it ‘ s okay.

Let your man know that he makes you laugh. And laugh often. You are giving him the ultimate validation that he is being appreciated by you, the woman he loves. And the smile that you give him with that laugh? It will make him weak in the knees. And putty in your hands.

Putty is good ‘ ¦.

#2 – Be thankful when he gives.

Men are at their best when they are giving. It ‘ s in their nature. When they give, they take care of those they love, and this is a primal need for them.

It ‘ s hard for modern men to give because it ‘ s hard for modern women to receive. And oftentimes, when a man does give to a woman she freezes. Either she ignores the giving or complains that it ‘ s not enough or acts in a way that implies that she doesn ‘ t deserve it.

I have a client whose husband used to buy her jewelry because he knew that she loved it. And she did. Unfortunately, everything he bought her wasn ‘ t to her taste. She would thank him sweetly but then return it for something that she wanted. And every time she did this she hurt him. So much so that eventually, he stopped buying her jewelry. And that didn ‘ t make anyone happy.

So be open to your man giving to you, big or small. And thank him for it. You will be glad you did, and he will be happy.

#3 – Don ‘ t be too helpful.

Women are, by nature, caregivers. We long to take care of anyone and everyone, often to the point that we stop doing anything for ourselves and we get resentful and bitter about it. Especially with our spouses.

But men don ‘ t want that! They don ‘ t want us to be TOO helpful.

Don ‘ t get me wrong. Men love having their socks picked up and their laundry done for them. They like not having to buy Christmas presents for the extended family or wipe down the sink. But they do want to feel like they can take of themselves that they are a contributing member of a couple. Maybe even sometimes the guy in charge.

So let him do his thing. Take care of yourself. And maybe even take care of you for a change.

Oh, and one more thing – did you know that when you baby your husband too much, he starts to look at you as he does his mother. Do you want him to start equating you with his mother? I didn ‘ t think so.

Need help with your man? Let me help…

#4 – Be a girl.

I know I know. How can I say that in this modern world? Men and women are equal. Women can do everything that men can do and do some of it even better. We are not soft. We are steel. We aren ‘ t going to act like girls.

I get it. But one thing that we can ‘ t ignore is human nature. It is in our biology that men are masculine and women feminine. We each have standard accompanying traits. Men are strong and protective. Women are soft and nurturing. And, no matter what the world says, men and women react to each other’s strength and softness.

So let yourself be a little girlish. Let yourself be soft around your man. Wear dresses. Speak softly. Laugh at his jokes. Make him feel like you need him. Make him feel like a man.

#5 – Let him know when he finds your ON button.

What do I mean by that? Here is an example:

My ex-husband and I had a ‘ no power cord ‘ rule for all gift-giving occasions. He could not buy me anything that included a power cord. One year, for Mother ‘ s Day, he took a risk and bought me a garage door opener. I LOVED it. I loved it so much that that night he got lucky.

He was delighted and amazed when he realized that he had the ability to make me so happy that he could flip my switch. From then on he worked diligently to find things that he could do that would activate my ON button.

And really, that was a win-win situation for both of us.

In this crazy world it seems like keeping our man happy shouldn ‘ t be a priority. I mean, they aren ‘ t children – why can ‘ t they take care of themselves? But the reality is is that everybody needs to be taken care of. Sincere efforts need to be made to allow your partner to feel loved and cherished, and to love and cherish you in return.

So follow these steps, even if they seem a little at odds with what you believe about the modern man and woman. It will be worth it.

Maybe next week I will write about how to keep your woman happy. That might be a little more complicated…

If you have made it this far you must really want to keep your man happy?
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