5 Ways To Stay Yourself in a New Relationship – Even if You Feel Like an Insecure Mess

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Isn ‘ t it wonderful, a new relationship? Getting to know that new special someone, looking across the room at them, and getting butterflies in your tummy. Hours spent sharing your hopes and dreams for the future. Holding hands. Romance. Great sex. Rampant insecurity.

Wait. What?

When we first get into a new relationship, we feel very confident because having someone new in our lives is a very heady experience. And yet, as we become attached to someone, feelings of insecurity can arise because with attachment comes the fear of loss. And the way we act because of that fear of loss can hijack many a new love affair.

Who wants that? Surely not you! So how can you stay yourself?

#1 – Remember that you are AWESOME.

Think about the person you are when you are single, when you aren ‘ t questioning your self-worth because of some guy. Who is that person?

Do you have a job that you love and that you are good at? Do you run marathons? Do you have a few great friends who you love to spend time with? Do you like to go to movies and try new food? Do you have a dog that thinks you are God ‘ s gift to the world?

This person is the person you want to remember when you are feeling insecure. This awesome person who your guy chose to date in the first place.

And remember, you are so awesome that more than just one guy out there wants to date you so if this one doesn ‘ t appreciate you, too bad for him.

#2 – Live your life.

DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT sit around and wait for any man to call. Or any woman for that matter, either. Time spent sitting around waiting for your life to start is time wasted.

You have a life to live, so live it. Do your work and do it well. Go to yoga, eat out with friends, and walk your dog. Do all of the things that make you feel good about yourself and do them often.

Not only will you feel good about yourself for doing the things that you love, but when your guy reaches out to see you you will be busy, and that will make him wonder why you aren ‘ t busy with him!!!!

And making him wonder is always good.

#3 – Unplug.

One of the things that you should NOT do to keep yourself busy is spent time on social media.

Even on a good day, social media can lead us down the road to despair. Fear of Missing Out (FOMO), the fear that the rest of the world is going on around you as you just sit there on your phone, is a real thing in this modern day. Time spent watching how other people are living instead of living yourself is always time wasted.

Furthermore, spending any time AT ALL stalking your suitor will only lead you to trouble, especially if you can ‘ t find him or see him doing something with someone you don ‘ t want him doing things with. Innocently or no. It will hurt.

So again, go live your life. Don ‘ t sit around and see what someone else ‘ s life looks like.

#4 – Know you probably aren ‘ t the only one feeling this way.

The more attached we are to something, whether it be a man or a friend or a coat, the more we fear losing it. And the fear of losing something can cause us to act in ways that might seem foreign. That super self-confident woman you usually are might get replaced with the shy 8th grader you used to be. Not ideal.

But do know that while you may be feeling insecure at the prospect of losing this new person in your life, they might very well be feeling the same way too. They might feel like if they text you, they could appear too eager or if they stop by your desk you might find them too needy.

Does that sound kind of familiar? Kind of like how you are feeling? How does it make you feel knowing that they might be feeling the same way too?

Kinda relieved, perhaps? Less insecure? Good.

#5 – Ask yourself ‘ What ‘ s the worst that can happen? ‘

This is a question that can be applied to a variety of life situations, but it ‘ s best application is right here.

You are in a new relationship, one that is days or weeks old. One that you have lived your entire life up until recently without.

Ask yourself, ‘ What is the worst that can happen? ‘

The answer? That you will lose this relationship. So? There are more fish in the sea. That you will embarrass yourself? You had done that before and survived. That you will actually have a great conversation and maybe another date? Well, that wouldn ‘ t suck.

Keep in mind that the worst that can happen isn ‘ t that you will drop dead if you send a text or that you will end world peace if you ask him to dance. And, with that in mind, take a step confidently in his direction. Being the rock star that you are.

Because really, what ‘ s the worst that can happen?

We all want to love and be loved. This we all know to be true (although sometimes we are loathe to admit it). And in the pursuit of love we often find ourselves losing ourselves in our attempt to please others.

But don ‘ t let yourself go. Remind yourself every day how amazing you are, that anyone would be lucky to have you, that if this relationship doesn ‘ t work out, there will be another (because there will be), and that the world won ‘ t end no matter what action you take.

Be the person that someone wants to fall in love with. Be the person who you can be in love with too.

 

Are you struggling in your new relationship?

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let me help, before it’s too late!

 

 

 

5 Things Women MUST Do to Reach Their Dreams

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Remember when you were little, and you had big dreams for when you were finally a grown-up?

I wanted to be an astronaut. Or a ballerina. Unfortunately, my hopes of being either of those things fell by the wayside when I failed earth science and grew a foot.

After college, I thought maybe I wanted to write and help people, but my goals were vague, so instead, I went into the hospitality business and then into retail sales and then became a mom. Before I knew it, I was 40 and a working mom, and my dreams had disappeared under a load of laundry.

Now, 12 years later, I am living the life of my dreams. I write articles and blogs and coach women toward reaching their dreams. I have learned a lot along the way, and I want to share it with you today.

#1 – Be clear about what is important to you.

I can ‘ t say this enough. If you don ‘ t know what is important to you, then you can ‘ t make it a priority. Instead, your life will consist of day after day just doing the things that you need to do to get by.

Do this. Mark out 1 hour on your calendar this week, one hour to sit down with a cup of tea, and write down everything that you can think of that is important to you. Write down the things that you do and things that you don ‘ t. Set your list aside and go take a walk.

A few days later, revisit your list. Did you forget anything? Is there anything on there that maybe shouldn ‘ t be?

Next, circle the top 10 most important things on your list. From that list, circle the top 7 most important things, and then from that list circle the top 5 most important things. From your top 5 list, circle the top 3 most important things.

You now have the top 3 things that are most important to you. See, that wasn ‘ t so hard.

From there, you choose the #1 thing that is most important to you, and now you have a starting point.

#2 – Create a plan to make that #1 thing happen and make it a priority.

This is an important thing to do. Many of us get overwhelmed at the prospect of actually reaching our goal. If it’s to run 10 miles, three miles per week, and we are running nothing now, then making the jump from 0-10 miles seems undoable. So we don’t, and we give up.

Instead, we need to recognize that to reach our goal we have to take it one step at a time. And one step at a time is easy.

The first step is about getting moving. Schedule three days a week to get outside and walk. Just for 15 minutes. Something to get your body used to the movement.

Put it on your calendar. In RED ink so that you can’t ignore it.

After the first week, increase your time to 20 minutes three times per week.

After the second week, you could walk for 10 minutes and run for 10 minutes three times per week.

After the third week, you can run for the full 20 minutes three times a week.

Gradually you can increase your time and distance until you reach your goal of 10 miles three times a week.

One step at a time.

#3 – Surround yourself with a supportive and loving community.

Your community can be made up of family, friends, co-workers, and gym mates who can support you and hold you accountable. This is key to success. We all have good intentions, but without support and accountability, it ‘ s hard to stay on the path to reaching our dreams.

What is the best kind of support you can get? A life coach who will encourage you and hold you accountable. Just sayin’.

#4 – Do NOT doubt yourself.

This is the most self-sabotaging thing that we do. We listen to the voice in our head that tells us that we can ‘ t do something. That we don ‘ t have the time or that we aren ‘ t good enough, or that we don ‘ t deserve something.

This is, may I say, complete bullshit. You are an amazing person, someone who gives and gives and you should have the life of your dreams. And if you are happy, everyone around you will be happy!

Believe that you are capable of reaching your goals. One step at a time. I believe in you.

#5 – Take care of yourself and try to have a little fun.

Yes, our lives are crazy, but it is essential that every woman take a little time for herself. Take a bath, go for a walk, go shopping with a friend, climb a mountain, learn to surf, or take a road trip. Do something every day that feeds your soul. Take at least 1 day a month to do something that will make you happy.

And at least once a year get away, alone, to get to know yourself again.

Remember, it ‘ s never too late to live the life that you want. You just need to decide what that life is and then take that first step. The rest you can do, easy.

Just look at all that you do now. Only Superwoman can do what you do every day. Your dreams will be a cinch ‘ ¦

 

If you have read this far you must reallywantto reach your dreams.
Let me help you, NOW, before they get away!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

 

 

5 Ways to Get Things Done – Even if Time Seems Short

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There just aren ‘ t enough hours in the day, are there? There are school lunches to be made and buses to be caught and meetings to attend and dogs to be walked and homework to be done and mothers to be called and TV shows to catch up on. The list is endless and impossible to manage.

Or is it?

Believe it or not, there are ways to get on top of your to-do list.

#1 – Use a notebook.

A spiral-bound notebook. A notebook that makes you happy to look at and that you don ‘ t want to lose. This is the key to being productive. Every organized person you know has one.

It is in this notebook that you keep your running to-do list. When something new comes up you add it to your list. The to-do list in your notebook.

You do not keep your to-do list on a piece of paper that gets lost between the car seats or gets eaten by the dog. Your to-do list is in a notebook that you can ‘ t throw away and you refuse to lose track of.

And then, when you get something done, you get to cross that thing off of your to-do list. And I am not sure if there is anything better than crossing something off of your to-do list.

Seriously.

#2 – Set priorities.

Every morning take 10 minutes to review your to-do list and to set priorities. You can do this by starring or highlighting the things on your list that you need to get done that day.

Many of us do first the things on our list that we don ‘ t mind doing and don ‘ t do the things that need to be done.

One of my clients HATED making phone calls to set up appointments. As a result, she never did set them up, and her dishwasher didn ‘ t get fixed, her son missed his doctor ‘ s appointment, and her daughter ‘ s permission slip didn ‘ t get signed. This was not good

Once she started setting her priorities, my client 1) didn ‘ t have to make all of her phone calls at the same time but made them when they needed to be made (which made them less daunting) and 2) things that usually fell through the cracks (and did more work for her) no longer fell through the cracks.

#3 – Say No!

This is key. It is very, very hard for us to say no. We don ‘ t want to say no for a variety of reasons, whether it ‘ s because we want to do something or we feel like we should do something or we think we need to do something. So, before you say yes, take a good hard look at why you are saying yes.

One of my clients always said yes, no matter what was asked of her. She liked to keep busy and didn ‘ t want to let anyone down. But of course, she ended up letting everyone down because she couldn ‘ t be as effective at all of her tasks as she might have been. Once she started looking at why she was saying yes, and why she wasn ‘ t saying no, she was able to pick and choose what she said yes to. Once she did that she was able to manage her time more effectively and successfully complete each task.

#4 – If it takes less than 10 minutes just DO IT.

Next time you have a few minutes, while you are waiting for the bus to arrive, or for a phone call to come in or while the kids are watching TV, take a look at your list. Is there anything on it that you can get done in 10 minutes or less? If there is, DO IT! It ‘ s those little things that are daunting and tend to add up. And, again, let me tell you, from personal experience, there is nothing more mood-enhancing then crossing something off of your list.

#5 – Check your computer only 3 times a day.

Yes, I know. This is the hard one. We are all totally addicted to our screens. Totally. And I am sure you are familiar with the phenomenon known as ‘ screen sucking. ‘ This is when your computer/phone/tablet screen sucks up all of your time before you even know it. A great way to add time to your day is to stay away from your screen.

I have a client who used to check her phone every moment she got at the expense of everyone and everything around her. At my suggestion, for one week she checked it just three times a day: once in the morning, once at mid-day and once after dinner. It was painful in the beginning, she reported, but by the end of the week, the amount of time she had to be productive had dramatically increased. So try it for one week. See what happens.

There are 24 hours in our day and everyone should sleep for 8 of those hours.

That leaves you 16 hours a day to use wisely. Part of using them wisely is to do things that feed your soul but also use those hours to be productive. Staying on top of things will go a long way towards making your life a happier place.

So use my tips. Get some things done. If you do, your life will be simpler, you will be happier, and those around you will thrive. And that is the goal, yes?

 

If you have read this far you must really be looking for ways to get things done.
Let me help you, NOW, before you get overwhelmed!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

 

 

5 Ways I Helped Change a Client’s Life – Even Though She Was Skeptical That I Could Do So

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I have a client who was gifted 3 life-coaching sessions by her sister. While she truly appreciated the gift, she was rather insulted that her sister thought that she needed a life coach. She wasn ‘ t really happy, she thought, but she was fine.

One month later, though, is she happy that she found me? She says that she was very skeptical coming into working with me because she had been seeing therapists for years to no avail, and then, in 3 short weeks, her life was on a completely different track.

Here is my latest: 5 Ways I Helped Change a Client ‘ s Life – Even Though She Was Skeptical That I Could Do So.

#1 – I provided insight.

During our first session, my client told me about how miserable she was. She was unhappy in her job, her marriage was floundering, she wasn ‘ t able to exercise because of an injury, and she was drinking too much. She felt hopeless.

She also told me that she had just weaned herself off of her anti-depressant. That she had reduced her dose for 3 months and she was on her second week of no meds at all.

I put two and two together and asked when her overwhelming feelings of hopelessness had started. She said about 2 months earlier. ‘ So just about when you started weaning off your meds? ‘ I asked. She thought about it and agreed with me.

I suggested that she ask her doctor about going back on her meds, perhaps at a lower dosage, to see if it made any difference with her negative feelings. And guess what? She did, and it did.

Without me there to listen and point things out objectively, with no agenda, as a relative might have, she might not have seen that her lack of meds was affecting her so. Nor, without the meds, would she have been able to start the other hard work that we began next.

#2 – I held her accountable. Big time.

During one of our sessions, we started to talk about her drinking. She was on a cleanse, and when she was done, she was determined that she wouldn ‘ t go back to her regular drinking habits. She recognized that she probably had a drinking problem but wanted to try to control it on her own.

We then talked about her calling her primary care doctor to get the name of an alcohol counselor. “Just get a name,” I told her. It would be a first step towards stopping her drinking, something that I knew was important to her because she didn ‘ t want it to affect her kids.

One week later, I checked in. She responded that she was great and that she hadn ‘ t contacted a counselor and that could she put off our appointment for two weeks so she could get some things done.

I told her no. That I wanted to talk with her on Monday, even if just for a few minutes. And what did she do because she knew that she was going to talk with me? She not only made an appointment with a therapist but she went to it before we talked.

She was feeling so great when we talked. She had much hope after her therapy session. And she thanked me for pushing her to do it.

#3 – I helped make her career clearer.

My client has a job that suits her needs. She likes what she does, works hard enough and has summers off. But she is approaching 30 and wants to make sure that she doesn ‘ t let her career life pass her by without being all that she could be.

But what would that look like? Being all that she could be?

I had her make a list of everything that made her heart sing, and then I had her read it back to me during our phone call. After she read that list, we started talking about possible career options. Because she had just read a list of what made her heart sing, her mind was clear and wide open. And we used some of those things on her list to identify a career move.

And guess what? We landed on one. A good one. Her homework was to take the first step toward making it happen.

As we were wrapping up, she said, ‘ Can I tell you something? It ‘ s almost embarrassing. I make these little kids’ bracelets, and I would love to make them and sell them on Etsy. ‘

‘ What a great idea, ‘ I replied and gave her some ideas for getting started down that path as well.

If she hadn ‘ t felt comfortable enough to trust me with that little pearl of wisdom, it might never have popped out of her mouth and come to fruition. And she was so happy it did.

#4 – I taught her how to talk with her husband.

My client has a very good relationship with her husband overall, but communication had broken down like it does in many long-term relationships.

They had some things to talk about, and she had no idea how to broach them.

I taught her that the most important part of communication is to talk not about how the other person is acting but how their actions make her feel. Another person can not get angry with you because of how you feel but they can get defensive about what they perceive is an attack on their character.

I also taught her that timing was everything. That if she wanted to talk about their drinking, I suggested that 9:00 pm, after a few cocktails, was not the best time. 9:00 am after coffee might be better.

Armed with these new tools she set out to have a constructive conversation with her hubby and one they did.

#5 – I taught her how to believe in herself.

We are all our own worst enemies. We catalog all of our worst traits and transgressions and trot them out whenever we feel it necessary. As a result, we tend to really not like or believe in ourselves.

I had my client keep a running list of daily successes. Big and small.

Getting out of bed. Not yelling at the kids before breakfast. A great meeting at work. Not having three slices of pizza for lunch but only two. Getting off the couch and going for a walk after dinner.

Successes, big and small.

I then had my client read her list of successes every night before bed. So she could sleep on them and remember them. That way those successes would be foremost in her mind, as opposed to her failures, and then she could trot them out when needed.

Believing in herself has allowed my client to move forward in her life, work on her relationship with her husband, grow her career and deal with her drinking with more self-confidence.

And self-confidence is the key to success.

So there you go, my 5 Ways I Helped Change a Client ‘ s Life.

We all have issues in our lives, and we all find them difficult to deal with. We have the support of friends and family but more often than not they just want to support us, to tell us what we want to hear.

But not a life coach. A life coach will tell you what she sees, objectively and professionally, and hold you accountable for plans that you make. She is the guardian angel who sits on your shoulder and reminds you that you are wonderful. She is the wonderland elf who gives you the tools to succeed. She is the fairy godmother who helps make all of your dreams come true.

Sounds pretty wonderful, doesn ‘ t it?

Let me help you make BIG CHANGES in your life.

Contact me NOW and I can help!

 

 

5 Things You Can Do To Keep Your Man Happy And Keep Him Wanting More

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So you have found your guy and now you are wondering what things you can do to keep your man happy…

I don ‘ t know about you but I find men a complete mystery. I have a very good male friend who I often ask for a man ‘ s perspective on something that I am thinking about doing. His answer is almost always completely different from anything that I might have come up with myself. It blows me away every time.

With that in mind I asked him to tell me what a woman can do to keep her man happy. I had a sense that it might be totally different from what women might think it could be.

And guess what? I was right!

Here is what I learned.

#1 – Let him make you laugh.

If there is one thing that men love, it ‘ s external validation that they are all that. So much of how men connect with the world is about what is external vs. internal – how they look, how they are perceived, how successful the world thinks they are vs. how they are thinking and feeling. And this is okay. It ‘ s different from women, and it ‘ s okay.

Let your man know that he makes you laugh. And laugh often. You are giving him the ultimate validation that he is being appreciated by you, the woman he loves. And the smile that you give him with that laugh? It will make him weak in the knees. And putty in your hands.

Putty is good ‘ ¦.

#2 – Be thankful when he gives.

Men are at their best when they are giving. It ‘ s in their nature. When they give, they take care of those they love, and this is a primal need for them.

It ‘ s hard for modern men to give because it ‘ s hard for modern women to receive. And oftentimes, when a man does give to a woman she freezes. Either she ignores the giving or complains that it ‘ s not enough or acts in a way that implies that she doesn ‘ t deserve it.

I have a client whose husband used to buy her jewelry because he knew that she loved it. And she did. Unfortunately, everything he bought her wasn ‘ t to her taste. She would thank him sweetly but then return it for something that she wanted. And every time she did this she hurt him. So much so that eventually, he stopped buying her jewelry. And that didn ‘ t make anyone happy.

So be open to your man giving to you, big or small. And thank him for it. You will be glad you did, and he will be happy.

#3 – Don ‘ t be too helpful.

Women are, by nature, caregivers. We long to take care of anyone and everyone, often to the point that we stop doing anything for ourselves and we get resentful and bitter about it. Especially with our spouses.

But men don ‘ t want that! They don ‘ t want us to be TOO helpful.

Don ‘ t get me wrong. Men love having their socks picked up and their laundry done for them. They like not having to buy Christmas presents for the extended family or wipe down the sink. But they do want to feel like they can take of themselves that they are a contributing member of a couple. Maybe even sometimes the guy in charge.

So let him do his thing. Take care of yourself. And maybe even take care of you for a change.

Oh, and one more thing – did you know that when you baby your husband too much, he starts to look at you as he does his mother. Do you want him to start equating you with his mother? I didn ‘ t think so.

Need help with your man? Let me help…

#4 – Be a girl.

I know I know. How can I say that in this modern world? Men and women are equal. Women can do everything that men can do and do some of it even better. We are not soft. We are steel. We aren ‘ t going to act like girls.

I get it. But one thing that we can ‘ t ignore is human nature. It is in our biology that men are masculine and women feminine. We each have standard accompanying traits. Men are strong and protective. Women are soft and nurturing. And, no matter what the world says, men and women react to each other’s strength and softness.

So let yourself be a little girlish. Let yourself be soft around your man. Wear dresses. Speak softly. Laugh at his jokes. Make him feel like you need him. Make him feel like a man.

#5 – Let him know when he finds your ON button.

What do I mean by that? Here is an example:

My ex-husband and I had a ‘ no power cord ‘ rule for all gift-giving occasions. He could not buy me anything that included a power cord. One year, for Mother ‘ s Day, he took a risk and bought me a garage door opener. I LOVED it. I loved it so much that that night he got lucky.

He was delighted and amazed when he realized that he had the ability to make me so happy that he could flip my switch. From then on he worked diligently to find things that he could do that would activate my ON button.

And really, that was a win-win situation for both of us.

In this crazy world it seems like keeping our man happy shouldn ‘ t be a priority. I mean, they aren ‘ t children – why can ‘ t they take care of themselves? But the reality is is that everybody needs to be taken care of. Sincere efforts need to be made to allow your partner to feel loved and cherished, and to love and cherish you in return.

So follow these steps, even if they seem a little at odds with what you believe about the modern man and woman. It will be worth it.

Maybe next week I will write about how to keep your woman happy. That might be a little more complicated…

If you have made it this far you must really want to keep your man happy?
Let me help you, NOW, and get therelationshipyou have always wanted!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here and let’s get started!

 

5 Reasons to Love Valentine’s Day – Even if You Are Single

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Valentines Day is here! The day you have been waiting for all year. A day that is all about love and chocolate. Really what else does one need?

Except, oh yeah, you aren ‘ t in a relationship this year and you are going to be the ONLY one without a date. Woe is you.

C ‘ mon people. Valentine ‘ s Day is a day to celebrate love. In all it ‘ s forms. So let ‘ s do it!

#1 – The pressure is off.

I have a client who just yesterday was lamenting that Valentine ‘ s Day was right around the corner. Every year she has such big expectations for the day and every year her husband lets her down completely. One year he split a dozen roses with a co-worker and brought them home. Really.

Did you know that post – Valentine ‘ s Day is the #2 time of year for break ups (#1 is right after New Years when people think ‘ I am not going to do one more holiday with this person. ‘ ). And the reason for Valentine ‘ s break ups is because people feel let down once again.

This year you get to make whatever you want out of your Valentine ‘ s Day. What do you want to do? Get a bunch of friends and drink tequila? Go to a sappy movie? Dance the night away? Whatever you want. The sky is the limit.

And just imagine that, for once, Valentine ‘ s Day will be everything that you want it to be.

#2 – Eat chocolate.

Let ‘ s get right down to it. Valentine ‘ s Day is particularly about the love of chocolate. And who doesn ‘ t love chocolate. So eat some. As much as you want.

Word on the street is that dark chocolate is the best for you. It is very nutritious, is a great source of anti-oxidents, it improves blood flow and lowers blood pressure and it helps balance your cholesterol.

Personally, I like milk chocolate which may not have the same qualities as dark but it makes me smile every time I eat it. Especially if there is caramel in the middle.

So eat chocolate! On this day as much as you want. It ‘ s not like you are going to have to get naked in front of someone at the end of the day. Do it!

I personally have a bowl of chocolate pudding with my name on it in my fridge, waiting for me to indulge. Kind of exciting.

#3 – You can love that most important person. Yourself.

This is a tough one. It ‘ s really hard to love ourselves much less put ourselves first on the list of those we love. But it ‘ s very important that we do and Valentine ‘ s Day is a great day to practice that.

I personally have a list of the things that I love about myself and that list is going to be front and center for me on Valentine ‘ s Day.

I love that I am a direct and honest person, sometimes to a fault, but it is a thing that people say they love about me. I love that I have so many friends who know they can rely on me to be there, anytime and anywhere. I love that I am funny and sarcastic and a fabulous flirt. I love how I feel walking down the street in my tight jeans and cowboy boots. I love the work I do with my clients. I love that I am 51 and rocking it.

There is a lot to love about me and damn if I am not going to recognize that on this day that is all about love.

And I am going to eat some chocolate to celebrate how awesome I am.

#4 – It ‘ s a reminder that it’s time to make a move.

It ‘ s so easy to just give up on our search for love. This modern world makes finding love difficult. We are all so busy and connected to our devices and it ‘ s very hard to look up and see all of the people who are around us.

Now is the time to take stock of how important a relationship is to you. I know many of my clients say that they are just fine, that being alone is way better because they have their own lives. And this is true. If you are happy alone then you are very healthy.

But it ‘ s okay to want to be in a relationship. It is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign that you are strong enough to define what you want and go out there and get it.

Try registering with a dating site. Join a Meet Up that will bring you together with like-minded people. Go to the park and smile at that cute guy who is walking past. Tell all your friends that they need to set you up with someone. Visualize that ideal partner in your head. Believe that you can get it.

Set a goal. Make a plan. Put yourself out there. Find love. You can do it!

#5 – Celebrate that love is all around you.

The first words in the movie ‘ Love Actually, ‘ spoken by Hugh Grant, are as follows:

Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.

Those words gives me shivers every time.

So look around. Look at the love that is all around you every day.

For me, every night I look at the moon and I think of the people that I love who are looking at that very same moon. I can feel the love and I am thankful. The world is big and love is everywhere.

Valentine ‘ s Day might at times seem like a Hallmark & Hershey holiday but really what does it matter because it is an excuse to celebrate love.

So don ‘ t waste the day. Take a look around and notice the people, places and things you love. Don ‘ t forget to look in the mirror too.

Because love is all around us. How lucky are we?

Are you strugglingwithnot being in a relationship?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help you do what needs to be done to find one!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

 

5 Things to Ask Yourself if You Aren’t Happy

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Being unhappy is horrible. It can take over your life and suck all that is good and joyful out of it. None of us want to be unhappy but many of us are.

One thing many of us don ‘ t ask ourselves is why we are unhappy. We have a vague understanding that our lives are not what we hoped they would be, but we don ‘ t know specifically why.

In an effort to help you identify what specifically is making you unhappy, I have five questions for you. Answer them in terms of your own life, and you will get the answers you are looking for.

#1 – Are you living in integrity?

All of us have internal guiding principles that are important to us, things like the importance of trust or honesty or loyalty. These guiding principles light our path to living our best life but unfortunately, they can get lost as life happens.

Do you know what your guiding principles are and are your living them?

I have a client who was having an affair with a married man. He made her deliriously happy, or so she told herself. But still she didn ‘ t feel good about her life and she didn’t know why.

I asked her what her guiding principles were – what was most important to her in a relationship?

After some thought and discussion, she realized that the truth was of paramount importance to her. And that nothing about her relationship with the married man was based on truth.

‘ Are you able to live with that? ‘ I asked. ‘ And be happy? ‘

The answer was no, and she soon moved on. On into a relationship that is based on truth and trust, and she is happy.

#2 – Is your relationship making your heart sing?

Our romantic relationships are very important, more important than many of us recognize.

In this modern world, we are told that we should be able to take care of ourselves and that relying on another to bring us some happiness is a sign of weakness.

But this just simply is not true.

Happy committed relationships provide much that is essential to human survival: commitment, communication, touch, sharing, sex, support, laughter, joy, and sex. When we have those things, our lives are fuller, we are satisfied, we are loved. Other things can bring us down, but the foundation of a good relationship helps us when we founder.

Being in a relationship isn ‘ t necessary for happiness but being in a relationship that is toxic puts you on the surest path to being unhappy.

I have a client whose husband was always one of two things: absent or drunk. She wasn ‘ t sure which was worse – his not being in the house or being drunk when he was. What she did know was that it was making her miserable. She was always hoping that things would change but they never did. She was alone in her marriage.

And the rest of her life? It foundered. Her parenting suffered, she stopped eating well and exercising and gained 20 pounds, her work was neglected and her crabbiness made her friends stay away.

What did she do? After much deliberation and overcoming lots of fear, she asked him to stay absent, and she is fighting her way back to herself, on the path to living the life of her dreams.

#3 – Do you make a difference in the world?

I know you are going to say that you just don ‘ t have time to volunteer. How could I possibly ask you to do that?

I am not going to ask you to do that. Although if it appeals, you should try it. Volunteering makes the world go round.

What I mean by making a difference is asking you how you interact with others in the world. Did you smile at the checkout person at the grocery store? Do you hold doors for other people? Do you refrain from giving the man who cut you off in his BMW the finger? Do you pick up trash that you see in the street?

All of these things contribute to the world in a small way and doing them will make your life a better place as well. The act of smiling at someone will actually make you and the person you smiled at happier. Holding doors for people makes them feel noticed and you made it happen. Not giving someone the finger will allow you not to feel the pain of remorse in the middle of the night. And picking up that trash will literally make the world a more beautiful place.

So make a difference in the world every day. It will make you happier. I promise.

Want to be happy? Let me help!

#4 – Do you feel healthy and strong?

You know when you go out on a long dock, and it ‘ s old and creaky, and with each step you wonder if you are going to end up in the water? If you aren ‘ t healthy and strong, like a good dock, you could find yourself drowning before you know it.

Taking care of yourself is the key to a foundation from which happiness can grow. Eat well, but don ‘ t deprive yourself. Exercise, but only so it makes you feel good. Do one thing that makes you happy every day, like a massage or lunch with a friend. Find a life coach, to get the support that you need.

If you feel healthy and strong you will be able to take on whatever life throws at you.

Wouldn ‘ t that feel great?

#5 – Do you challenge yourself?

I know that I have my routines. I get up, walk my dog, do some yoga, work all day, walk my dog again, do errands, have dinner, take a bath and go to bed. Pretty much every day.

As a life coach I know that while routines are good for keeping us on track it is essential to challenge ourselves. Challenging yourself will keep your brain going strong, keep you physically confident and get that adrenaline rushing.

What do I mean by being challenged? It can be anything.

When I got divorced, I promised myself that I would start doing all of the things that scared me. I learned how to ride a jet ski (which was awesome), I conquered my fear of driving in the snow (which was convenient), I took up crossword puzzles (which has made me way smarter), and I can now use power tools. Even a drill.

It ‘ s so hard to imagine now not being able to do those things. Doing them has given me so much more confidence in myself – not only that I can do them but that I challenged myself to overcome my fears and prevailed.

And did I mention that I was way smarter? That makes me happy.

Unhappiness to so many of us is just the status quo. We assume that this is the way life is and we just push through it. But it doesn ‘ t have to be this way. Happiness IS possible.

Are you making choices that are feeling good? Are you feeling loved and supported in your relationship? Did you make someone smile today? Is your foundation strong? Did you do something recently that got your adrenaline pumping?

If not, choose one and make it happen.

Happiness is yours for the taking. Today.

If you have read this far you must really want to be happy.
Let me help you, NOW, and et’s get started!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

 

5 Things To Do When You Hit Rock Bottom

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Imagine how you would feel if everything that you have always had, wanted, longed for and dreamed of is suddenly gone. Gone.

You are overwhelmed with emotion. You are full of hopelessness and dread. You would much rather drive your car into a cliff than continue to live the life that you are living.

How can anyone expect you to live this way, with everything lost?

This is rock bottom. Also known as being down a rabbit hole.

It only happens a few times in a lifetime and when it comes, BAM, it sucks.

Rock bottom means it ‘ s time to pay attention.

#1 – Notice where you are.

Many of us hit rock bottom and don ‘ t even realize it.

We find ourselves in pain and drowning and it is so much easier to have 4 drinks or a box of Oreos or bike 50 miles than to recognize the truth of where one has found oneself: looking up from deep down in the rabbit hole, vanquished.

If you find yourself in a spot where the pain is worse than anything that you could ever have imagined, pause for a second before you reach for that bottle of wine. That pain is telling you something. It ‘ s telling you that it ‘ s time to pay attention. That things are really, really bad and that it ‘ s time to start doing something about it.

I have a client whose husband left her the same week that their kids went off to college. In one fell swoop, after 23 years, she was no longer a wife and only a part-time mother.

Down the rabbit hole, she fell. And she hit bottom. Hard.

#2 – Get the hell up, after a spell.

Being in a rabbit hole is scary as hell and very painful. But you also might find that it starts to feel comfortable. There is something cozy about wrapping yourself up in your negative, hopeless thoughts, taking comfort in the fact that your life sucks, that you are a horrible person, and that what the hell does it all matter anyway.

And it ‘ s okay to sink into that coziness for a bit. After all, you are going to have a bit of work to do to get out of it so resting up is okay. But sooner or later, preferably sooner, you are going to have to climb out of it.

For my client, the rabbit hole was cozy for bit, and full of Oreos, but when she looked up and saw the light at the top she remembered where she was and knew that she was going to have to do whatever it took to get out of it. But, boy, were those walls steep – it took her a while to start the climb but start the climb she did.

#3 – Assess the situation and try something different.

Once you have spent some time in the rabbit hole with your thoughts and feelings, you get to know them fairly well. Now is the time to take a good hard look at them. To figure out how you have gotten where you are and not only how to get out of there but to move forward towards the life that you have always wanted.

One of our primary human foibles is that we tend to approach a problem with the same perspective as the one with which we caused it. How can we expect to solve a problem that has dragged us down the rabbit hole with the same actions that brought us there in the first place?

We just can ‘ t. It doesn ‘ t work.

My client knew that one of the things that consistently came between her and her husband was her tendency to be manipulative. She always said that she used this skill for good but her husband didn ‘ t always see it that way.

So what did she try to do to win her husband back? You got it. She manipulated him. She made him nice dinners. She instigated sex and watched Sunday night football. She changed who she was in an effort to manipulate her way back into his good graces.

And guess what. It didn ‘ t work.

When presented with a rabbit hole quality issue it ‘ s time to take a good hard look at a new way to address a problem. Don ‘ t think ‘ I have always done it this way so ‘ ¦ ‘ but rather think ‘ What have I never tried before? ‘

Try it. It can be a very tall ladder out of your very deep hole.

Have you hit rock bottom? Let me help!

#4 – Make a Plan.

Okay, so now you know what you are dealing with, it ‘ s time to make a plan.

It ‘ s time to look at each item that you have assessed as needing addressing and see what needs to be done.

For my client, it wasn ‘ t about manipulating her way back into her husband ‘ s good graces. It was about taking a good hard look at what had happened in her life and her marriage and deciding what she wanted to do about it.

I would like to pause here for a second and suggest that this might be the time to hire a life coach, namely me. I can help you assess what needs to be addressed and make a plan for you to do what needs to be done. Just sayin ‘ .

#5 – Keep Going. Do Not Stop.

Winston Churchill said, ‘ If you are going through hell, keep going. ‘ Wise words to live by.

You have hit rock bottom. You have pulled yourself up and out of your hole. You have assessed the situation and made a plan to change things. You have taken a great big step, and then you stop. And pick up that box of Oreos, take a few slugs from your bottle of wine and hop on your bike for a hard five hour ride.

Listen to me. You may have hit bottom, but you have also scratched your way out of it, up to this spot in the light where you could get started on what needs to be done. You were brave. You ARE courageous. Don ‘ t let fear get in your way.

Because is this what you truly want your life to look like? You had the strength to pull yourself out of that hole. Why would you let yourself sink back in there? It ‘ s not fun in that hole.

And right in front of you, ready for the taking, is the life of your dreams.

Imagine just how having the life of your dreams would feel.

Pretty great, no?

At some point in our lifetime we all hit rock bottom. We find ourselves in a spot where we never imagined we would be and can ‘ t imagine getting out of.

But the resilient of us do. And YOU are one of the resilient ones.

Don ‘ t let that rabbit hole suck you in and keep you there. Fight your way out into the light and live the life of your dreams.

C ‘ mon. You can do it!

If you have read this far you must be at rock bottom.
Let me help you, NOW, before you fall any further!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

5 Things To Do in The Face of Fear – Even If You Just Want to Run Screaming

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An opportunity comes along. A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity – that job you have always wanted, the love you have always sought, a move that could change your life. You should be excited, right? No! Instead, you find yourself scared out of your wits.

Why? Wonderful opportunities often come with that dreaded thing…change. And change is scary. Paralyzingly so, at times.

But don’t run. There are ways to face fear head-on so that you don’t miss an opportunity that could change your life.

Here is my latest… 5 Things To Do in The Face of Fear – Even If You Just Want to Run Screaming.

#1 – Take a deep breath.

Yes, I know I always say this, but deep breaths are essential for keeping yourself from running from fear.

When presented with something that scares us the hormones in our body produce the fight or flight response: we can either stay (fight) or run (flight). More often than not, flight seems the easiest option, so that ‘ s what we do – we run. But if, when faced with something that scares us, we take a deep breath we immediately calm that instinct. Without our heart racing and our hormones pumping it’s much easier to face down that scary thing in front of you.

So next time you feel yourself starting to run from something that scares you stop and take a few deep breaths. Breathe in 3 seconds and out 5 seconds. Before you know it you will be thinking clearer and can move on to face what you need to face.

#2 – Ask yourself what it is that you are afraid of.

Many of us feel fear as a general feeling. We don’t take the time to identify exactly what we are afraid of. And not knowing what we are afraid of makes it very difficult to deal with those fears.

So make a list. One that details what exactly it is that scares you most about the situation. And then take those fears one at a time and address them.

I have a client who was so unhappy with her marriage that she decided if they just moved anywhere, all would be good. The prospect of picking up and moving to another country was more appealing to her than the prospect of sitting down with her husband to work on their marriage.

She was making plans for this move when I met her. I challenged her on her plans and asked her why she couldn’t face her husband. What was she afraid of?

It took her a while to answer, but her list looked like this:

  1. I am scared that we will have to talk about how we feel.
  2. I am afraid that I will get hurt.
  3. I am afraid that our marriage won’t work even if we try to work on it.

Once she had her list, she knew exactly what she was afraid of. We talked about each specific thing and were able to address each one more because she had identified them so clearly. Addressing fear as a general concept is almost impossible.

She still lives in her family home, and she shares it with the man she married, and they are working things out. It’s not easy, but she is happy.

#3 – Push back against those negative thoughts

Yes, back to those lovely thoughts in your head. The ones that tell you that you just can’t do anything. Especially anything new and risky. The brain likes things to stay the same. The same is easiest.

But staying the same is not how we find happiness. Happiness comes from taking risks and facing fears. So when those self-defeating thoughts enter your head, shut them down, one at a time.

I have a question I always ask when making a decision about something scary. “What’s the worst that can happen?” It works every time.

I have a client who is being given a job opportunity that could change her life. She is scared to make a move because she isn’t sure if she can make enough money to maintain her life. We talked about how much she would need and I asked her if she would be comfortable asking for that salary when offered the job. She hesitated.

I asked her what the worst that could happen was. For her, the worst would be that the amount would not be doable. But I pointed out that armed with that info she could make an informed decision about whether to take the job or not. And if the amount was doable then YAY, good for her for speaking up for herself!

So use those thoughts of yours to fight your fears and not succumb to them.

#4 – Recognize that history is just that. History.

Many of our fears are grounded in our history. I read a quote recently that said “it is not the moment that is tragic but the memory.” Think about it. It’s true, isn’t it?

We carry the memories of a lifetime of moments that have caused us pain, and we use these memories as fuel for our fears.

But we need to remember that those memories are in the past and we are now looking at our present and future.

I have a client who is madly in love with a man who loves her madly back, but his life is complicated, and he isn’t always emotionally available to her. Both her father nor her ex-husband weren’t emotionally unavailable, and both ultimately left her. This caused her immeasurable pain, pain that she has carried forward in her life.

So now she is scared about committing to this man because she doesn’t want to get hurt again.

She and I are working together to look at the differences and similarities between these three men and identify what in particular scares her. She is then having open discussions with her man about her fears.

She isn’t letting her past pull her away from this man but she is proactively addressing her fears and making decisions based on present circumstances instead of ancient history.

And she is feeling hopeful. Very hopeful.

#5 – Embrace it. It ‘ s Exciting!

Imagine if every day for the rest of your life was going to be the same. The same routine with no challenges or excitement. Just sameness.

Things that are scary are harbingers of change, and change is one of those things that makes life a better place.

Yes, confronting your fears could allow you to save your marriage, get that job of your dreams or the love of your life and that would be wonderful. But the biggest outcome of facing your fears is the strength you gain as a person.

When you have faced your fears and overcome them, you gain a huge sense of accomplishment, one that will always stay with you and only serve you well in the future.

Imagine that next fear coming along and you thinking “I’ve got this.” And you would know that you did because you have faced fear before and prevailed.

It would be pretty awesome, no?

So there you go. My 5 Things To Do in The Face of Fear.

Life is a scary place, full of all sorts of twists and turns, things that happen that change the way we thought things were going to be. It ‘ s exciting but very scary. And it ‘ s okay to be scared.

But know that you have the power to push past that fear, to reach for everything that you have ever wanted. And once you learn you have that power your life will never again be the same.

So go for it. Whatever you have ever wanted. Go for it. You can do it!

Looking for more ways to face fear? Contact me hereand I can help!

To welcome in 2017 I am offering one free session to the first 5 people who reach out.

So do so TODAY.

 

5 Ways to Keep Your New Year’s Resolution No Matter What

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I think the worst part of New Year’s is the pressure to make a resolution. Now don ‘ t get me wrong, I think that the New Year is a great time to take a look at one ‘ s life and figure out what one might do differently, but the prospect of being able to make and keep your New Year’s resolution seems so overwhelming and fruitless.

I am here to tell you that it doesn ‘ t have to be. There are ways to make a resolution and stick to it and bring about real change in your life. You just have to approach it in a way that will ensure success.

#1 – Like, no LOVE, your resolution.

There is lots of pressure to come up with a New Year ‘ s resolution. I mean, what else can you talk about at your New Year ‘ s Eve party other than your drama-filled Christmas dinner?

The first rule of keeping a resolution is to actually like it, and to be passionate about it. Sure, we can all say we want to lose 5 pounds or be nicer to our kids or spend less time at work but is that what you REALLY want? Does thinking about your resolution get your heart pounding, your blood rushing, and your cheeks flushing?

If yes, go for it.
If not, it ‘ s not the right resolution for you.

What you want for your resolution is something that will make your heart sing. Something that you really, really want to happen, something that you will make a priority in your life.

Because if you want something really badly, you are more likely to work hard to get it.

#2 – Make your resolution a little smaller.

Most of our resolutions are BIG. Big because we want to bring about a big change in our lives, and we tend to like to go BIG when we make declarations.

The problem with BIG is that it sounds good at conception but is hard to complete during the follow-through. We live chaotic, jam-packed and exhausting lives, and trying to pack in a whole bunch of change at once is simply not sustainable.

And when something is not sustainable, we give up.

So make your resolution smaller. Want to lose weight, eat better and get more exercise? Sounds great but chances are if you try to change your diet, get off your butt, and lose weight all at the same time you will fail because that ‘ s a lot of change at once.

So choose one of these things as your resolution.

Try choosing exercise. Make some time for exercise 4 days a week but continue to eat the way you do. You might find that once you start exercising, regularly, you will want to tweak your diet a little bit because you are feeling so good and once you do that you might lose weight.

Or try choosing to eat better. Tweak your diet a bit without adding the pressure of exercise. You just might find that eating better makes you feel healthier, which might get you exercising more which could lead to weight loss.

See how this works? Choose one thing. Anyone can do one thing, especially you.

#3 – Write it down.

A sure fire way to keep your New Year’s resolution is to write it down.

It ‘ s easy to declare at the stroke of midnight what you are resolute about in the New Year, but putting your resolution onto paper is the key to succeeding at keeping it.

Capturing your words on paper will serve two purposes. The first is that the words are no longer just floating around in your head but they have been captured. And words that are captured are more easily remembered.

The second reason to write something down is that now you have physical proof of your resolution. This proof you can put at the top of your to-do list or on the fridge or next to your bed. Somewhere where you will see it regularly and be reminded of it.

So write down your small resolution. Be as specific as possible. Don ‘ t say, ‘ get more exercise ‘ say ‘ walk 1 mile 3 times a week. ‘ Don ‘ t say ‘ eat healthier ‘ say ‘ add vegies to my dinner during the work week. ‘ Clear, measurable items.

#4 – Find someone to hold you accountable.

We all mean to keep our resolutions. Really we do. We share them with our friends and family, and they are excited about them, but then they go off to keep their own resolutions and forget about yours.

And more often than not, we fail at those resolutions and don ‘ t want to talk about resolutions at all, ever again.

So find someone who will not only hold you accountable but who can help you take measurable steps to hit that resolution out of the park.

My recommendation? A life coach. Namely, ME!

#5 – Reward yourself.

We all like to think that keeping a resolution is a reward unto itself, and in a way, it is. Losing weight would be wonderful. Feeling healthier could change your life. Succeeding would make you feel so much better about yourself.

And, yes, these things are true, but really we all love rewards. LOVE REWARDS.

So think about something that you could reward yourself with if you succeed in sticking to your resolution. Something that would make your heart sing.

Last year a client resolved to be nicer to her mother-in-law. She made a list specifying what that would look like, and we set out a timeline for her to make those things happen. We had monthly benchmarks to review her progress.

We decided that if she met those monthly goals, she would reward herself with a manicure, something she loved but rarely indulged in. We also decided that if she kept it up for 6 months, she would get a massage as well. And, the cherry on top, if she was still being nicer to her mother-in-law in one year, she would get a spa weekend away.

I know you are probably thinking that this is one selfish resolution, but it worked! My client was able to consistently get along with her mother-in-law, which completely changed the dynamic in her family, and along the way, she got beautiful nails and a little self-care. Really it was a win/win for everyone.

As a life coach, I am a big believer in life change. I think we all need to shake things up to keep things interesting and make ourselves happy. I also believe in doing it one step at a time.

So think carefully this year before you make your resolution. Make sure it is something that will truly make your face flush and your heart pound.

This is the year you can do it! You can keep your New Year’s Resolution.

How awesome would that be? It is possible. You CAN do it!

If you have read this far you must really want to keep your New Year’s resolution.

Let me help you, NOW, so that you can make 2019 YOUR year!

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

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