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How to Tell if Your Guy is Emotionally Unavailable So You Can Let Him Go & Find True Love

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I don ‘ t know about you but my propensity to pick emotionally unavailable guys is about 95% percent. If I hadn ‘ t met my current guy it would be 100%.

Why are we attracted to guys you are emotionally unavailable when all we want, more than anything, is to be loved?

That ‘ s a topic for another blog so for today let ‘ s look at how we can identify if a guy is emotionally unavailable.

#1 – He lacks self-confidence.

Years ago, I had a boyfriend who really, really struggled with his self-confidence. He had been abused as a child, struggled with holding a job, had a terrible temper that got him into trouble and had a failed marriage. His confidence had never been high but the past decade had worn him down.

When we first got together he was emotionally available in a big way. He couldn ‘ t believe that someone like me could love him and he relished it. He showered me with words of love and tons of affection. I had never felt so loved.

As our relationship progressed, however, his emotional availability gradually became less and less. He still held on to me like a life preserver, like I was a physical manifestation of all that he could be, but he just stopped being able to give me what I needed to feel loved. He couldn ‘ t love me but he refused to let me go.

Since we broke up, I came to learn that this man most likely didn ‘ t believe that he deserved to be loved by me and so he wouldn ‘ t even try. Perhaps also he believed that, because he failed at everything, our relationship would fail so he sabotaged it.

I saw such potential in him so breaking up with this broken man was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. Doing so was important however. His emotionally unavailable was making me really question my own self-worth in the world. And that was not okay.

#2 – He drinks too much.

When I first met my soon to be husband there were two things that struck me about him. That he could drink A LOT, as much as me, and that he was wonderfully physically affectionate. Both of those traits were things that I was looking for in a man.

As the years went on, and I stopped drinking, a few things emerged that were very unsettling. The first was that when it came time to address feelings my husband just couldn ‘ t cope. The first sign of a discussion about emotions and he would head to the fridge for a beer. Trying to talk to him about how I was feeling was impossible. As a result, I felt lonely in the marriage and we grew further and further apart.

The other thing that emerged was that my husband used physical affection to try to communicate his emotions. He was always touching me but his touch made my skin crawl. Looking back on it I realize it was because he was so out of touch with his emotions that his physical touch felt false.

His way of trying to express emotion when he really was emotionally unavailable was one of the things that ultimately destroyed our marriage.

#3 – He is narcissistic.

The definition of a narcissist is ‘ ˜someone with an excessive preoccupation with or admiration for oneself. ‘

Someone who is narcissistic is so preoccupied with him or herself that any kind of consideration or emotional availability is simply impossible.

Everything that happens in their life or their world is reflected back on themselves. If they are angry, they scream. If they are sad, they lash out. Because they are so self-obsessed they don ‘ t feel the need to connect with their emotions. They are just fine, they believe.

Furthermore, to look at the emotions of another and feel something for them just doesn ‘ t happen. Instead, they take note of how the other person ‘ s emotions might be affecting them and that ‘ s all they care about.

So, if the man you love is preoccupied with himself to the exclusion of others then he is a narcissist and will never have the emotional availability that you desire.

#4 – He works ALL the time.

We all know that person – the person who works 24/7, obsessively, who never has time for anything else, who is obsessed with their own personal success and doesn ‘ t understand the need to turn away from their work towards another person.

Many people who are workaholics are like alcoholics in that they use their work to self-medicate whatever feelings they might be feeling. To feel feelings, or to understand the feelings of others, is just too painful to do and so they pour their energy elsewhere.

Another problem with workaholics is that they are also never present. Their physical bodies are always out of the house and when they are home they are usually preoccupied with work. Someone who isn ‘ t present with you is never going to be emotionally available.

You can try, repeatedly, to get through to them but most likely without success. And that will leave you feeling lonely and ignored.

#5 – He has an unhealthy relationship with his mom.

I have been dating for 6 years now and if there is one thing that I have noticed out in the world of dating is that men who don ‘ t have good relationships with their mothers are entirely emotionally unavailable.

The motherly bound is the earliest and the most profound bond in the human experience. Boys who don ‘ t have that bond with their mother had stinted emotional development. They didn ‘ t learn the inherently female traits of empathy, affection, trust and communication. Not learning those things sets them up for a life time of not knowing how to love and be loved in return.

In contrast, the man I am currently dating has an amazing connection with his mother. He visits her twice a week and watching them together is amazing. The love and respect that he has for her and what she has done in the world is written all over his face. The pride and admiration she takes in who her son has become in the world is palpable. The very bedrock of my man ‘ s emotional availability was created by a woman who loved him unconditionally and who taught him what he needed to do and be to truly express and receive love.

How lucky am I to have found him?

The importance of having a man be emotionally available in a successful relationship cannot be understated.

If your man shows any signs of the traits listed above tread carefully. A man who lacks self-confidence, who is addicted to work or booze, who is self-obsessed and has issues with his mother is a man who is, and most likely always will be, emotionally unavailable.

If you want to have a healthy, happy relationship, a guy who is emotionally unavailable is not the guy for you.

So, let him go, move on and find the guy who makes your heart sing. Like I did ‘ ¦.

If you have made it this far you must realize your guy is emotionally unavailable.
Let me help you, NOW, find your way out of the mess and find love before it’s too late!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

The 8 Best Things To Do When You’re Feeling Overwhelmed And Depressed

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You know those days when you ‘ re feeling overwhelmed and depressed?

Those days when everyone and everything is demanding so much from you that you really don ‘ t think that you can take it anymore. Those days where it feels like you just want to crawl into bed and never get out.

Are you having one of those days today?

Let me help you manage the overwhelm and the depression. It IS POSSIBLE. It just takes some awareness and action.

#1 – Take deep breaths.

When we are overwhelmed and depressed, the first thing that we do is we stopbreathing. Well, not literally stop breathing, because then we would die. But we do unconsciously hold our breath because of increased tension in the muscles used for breathing. This can make the overwhelm worse and lead to deeper depression.

When you are feeling overwhelmed and depressed remember to breathe. Deep breaths into your belly in for 3 seconds and out for 3 seconds. Put your hand over your belly so that you can feel it filling up with air. Do this over and over until you feel a little calmer. Repeat throughout the day as necessary.

It will help you A LOT. I promise.

#2 – Go for a walk.

If it ‘ s at all possible, take some time to go for a walk. There isn ‘ t a woman I know who doesn’t say that her stress levels are always greatly reduced after a walk.

The thing about walking is that it kills two bird with one stone. Or rather three!

Walking encourages deep breathing which calms you down quickly.Also, for some reason, the motion of walking encourages clearer thinking. The rhythm of the stride and the increased oxygen intake can make something that was extremely overwhelming just 20 minutes earlier much easier to manage.

Furthermore, the dopamine that your body creates with the motion of exercise works to help alleviate your depression instantly.

So, get outside and get your heart beating. It ‘ s a great way to manage overwhelm and depression.

#3 – Identify what is causing the overwhelm.

One of the reasons you get depressed when you feel overwhelmed is that you don’t understand what isspecifically overwhelming you.

A client of mine was SO overwhelmed with her life. She found that she hadno energy to get anything done, she yelled a lot at her kids and she could barely stand being around her husband.

She figured that she was just too stressed out by her day-to-day living and she came to me to help her get more organized.

We talked for a bit and I came to learn that they have 3 new dogs in the house. 3 new dogs. And they were, you guessed it, causing the overwhelm, not her lack of organization.

Once we knew what was the cause we were able to find a solution.

#4 – Share your stress.

Sharing your stress and your sadness with another person is a key part of dealing with it.

They say that what is kept inside the head is 4x more intense than what is spoken. Also, if you share your overwhelm you might learn something that will help you manage it. We all have things that work for us and sharing them with others can be very helpful.

If you have someone you can talk with about your overwhelm then absolutely do it. Be it a therapist, a life coach, a friend or a partner, let those overwhelming thoughts out of your head and into the world.

From there your thoughts have a reduced power and are easier to deal with.

#5 – Write it out.

Do you journal? Or write letters to yourself? Or scribble notes on post-its? If you do, great! If you don ‘ t, it could be time to start.

Writing about things that are overwhelming you can be useful, both for your depression and your overwhelm, especially if you don ‘ t have someone with whom to share your stress. Much like speaking, writing allows you to get your stress out of your head and onto paper.

And when you can see your stress on a piece of paper in front of you, instead of having it rolling around in your brain, it ‘ s much easier to manage.

#6 – Make a plan.

Once you have pinpointed the cause of the overwhelm it is time to make aplan. Without a plan the overwhelm usually doesn ‘ t just disappear. In fact, it often gets worse.

For my client with the dogs, the plan involved crating up the dogs during the dinnertime and also again at bedtime. Not having the dogs bouncing around, distracting the kids and getting into trouble allowed my client to focus on the work at hand and not let it stress her out.

No more yelling at her kids. Phew.

#7 – Follow through.

The most important part of making a plan is following through. Even the best laid plans don ‘ t work if you don ‘ t follow through.

I have a client who is constantly overwhelmed by her life. She can ‘ t keep her apartment clean, has a difficult time keeping appointments, struggles to do things that involve any planning and who would rather just stay in bed all day.

We made a plan for her to hire someone to clean her apartment once a week and to spend 10 minutes a day neatening up. She was so excited about the plan. And then she didn ‘ t do it. And her apartment stayed a mess. And she continued to be overwhelmed. And even more overwhelmed because she had let herself down by not doing it.

So, make sure that you follow through on your plans to deal with your overwhelm. If you don ‘ t your overwhelm and depression could actually truly overwhelm you and that will not be fun.

#8 – See a doctor.

While you might be thinking that your overwhelm is the cause of your depression, it could be that your depression is the cause of your overwhelm.

For many of us who struggle with depression, the idea of doing anything AT ALL can be so daunting that we just don ‘ t. As a result, we get overwhelmed by all of the things that need to get done that we aren ‘ t doing.

So, if you have tried the things above and they don ‘ t work, or if you wonder if perhaps what I said about you just being depressed it true, then it ‘ s important that you see your primary care doctor right away.

If she can help you deal with your depression, then your overwhelm might fix itself.

So, now you know. When you ‘ re feeling overwhelmed and depressed there are ways to get past it and get past it quickly.

Next time you are feeling overwhelmed get outside and go for a walk, even if it ‘ s just for 20 minutes. Breathe deeply as you stride. You will see that your overwhelm reduces significantly right away.

As you walk, consider what is overwhelming you and make a plan to fix it. If you have someone to help you figure it, out even better. And then make it happen.

If you can ‘ t get past the overwhelm, consider seeing a doctor to treat your depression. It might be the key to it all.

Manage your overwhelm and your depression. Don ‘ t let it manage you.

Are you feeling overwhelmed and depressed?
Let me help, NOW, before it gets to be just too much!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

5 Strategies For Surviving Infidelity And Depression

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When you began your affair did you ever imagine that you would someday find yourself reading an article on surviving infidelity and depression?

Did you ever in your wildest dreams think that the thing that started out to be so amazingly wonderous would lead you down this dark path to where you find yourself today?

The thing about infidelity is that it ‘ s a mass of contradictions. When you are with your person you are high as a kite. You are madly in love and the sex is great. And then, when you aren ‘ t with this person, you feel like shit. Your self-worth is in the toilet and you are wracked with guilt.

And what comes with the guilt? Depression.

Fortunately, there are strategies for surviving infidelity and depression.

#1 – Keep your mind busy.

I have a married client who was having an affair with a married man, a stay at home dad she had known for years but with whom she had just started a sexual relationship.

From the moment the affair began, she was obsessed with this man and how alive he made her feel. Her marriage was not a happy one, and she didn ‘ t really like her stay at home mom life, so this affair was the perfect escape from her hum drum existence.

Unfortunately, this obsession only got worse the longer the affair lasted. She would think about him morning, noon and night. She didn ‘ t sleep and was distracted from her chores and her kids and keeping the family train on track.

The obsession was eating her alive and, man, she was depressed.

We knew that she needed to do something that would take her mind off her guy, even for a bit. She decided that she would give yoga a try. And it WORKED!

For my client, to spend even just 1.5 hours a day at a yoga class, focusing on the breath and challenging poses instead of her guy, was enough of a break for her to reduce the obsession. Her mind got to rest which was a huge relief for her.

She still couldn ‘ t let go of him but her mind quieted and he consumed less of her head space. It also helped to ease her depression, if only for a bit.

#2 – Keep your friends close.

This same client, because she was so obsessed with being available whenever her guy was available, slowly but surely cut out her relationships with her friends.

Whereas before her affair she would go for walks with her friends or go to the movies or get involved in committees, now my client did nothing but sit around the house, alone, trying to get things done, wondering where her guy was and when she was going to see him again.

Because she didn ‘ t see her friends, and hadn ‘ t told any of them about her affair, she really started to sink into a depression. No longer did she have her support system to help her make it through the day. She didn ‘ t have friends to process things with and she no longer laughed with them as they walked in the woods.

It is important that, no matter what kind of relationship you are in, that you keep your friends. Relationships come and go but your friends will always be there to help you through.

You won ‘ t be stuck dealing with your depression by yourself.

So, go pick up the phone and call someone RIGHT NOW!

#3 – Keep working towards your goals.

For my client, before she started her affair, she had big goals. Her kids were old enough to be in school full day and she wanted to rekindle her previously successful real estate career.

To that end, she got re-licensed and reached out to her old boss. He was thrilled to have her back because she had been a high achiever before her kids were born.

So, my client tried to go back to work. She tried to get herself going the way she used to. To network for clients. To get listings. To put herself out there and succeed.

But, not matter how she tried, she just couldn ‘ t.

My client was so obsessed with her affair that she wasn ‘ t able to put herself out there to succeed. As a result, her depression deepened because not only was she having an affair that she was obsessed with but she could seem to get her own life back even a smidge.

So, if you are trying to survive infidelity and depression, make sure you work your hardest to not let your life goals fall by the wayside. Continue your upwards trajectory so that your self-esteem doesn ‘ t get lost along the way.

#4 – Keep your body fit.

After a year of having an affair, my client had lost twenty pounds. She didn ‘ t eat or sleep or take care of herself. She was a quivering mess of nerves. Her depression had deepened.

Then she started doing yoga to quiet her mind and it really helped. After a few months she noticed that her body was getting stronger. She gained some of the weight back and was feeling healthier.

When she looked in the mirror and saw that she no longer looked like a skeleton but somewhat resembled her old self, her depression eased a bit. A small light at the end of the tunnel for her but a light nonetheless.

So, if you are struggling depression caused by your affair, make sure that you take care of yourself and keep your body strong. Make sure you sleep and eat well and get at least 30 minutes of exercise that raises your heartbeat.

Nothing fights depression like the dopamine that is created by a little aerobic exercise!

#5 – Keep working towards letting go.

The number one best strategy for surviving infidelity and depression is also the hardest one. Can you guess what it is? Yep, it ‘ s letting go of your guy.

When my client began her affair, she assumed it would be a one-time thing. Twice, max. But her affair went on and on and on. For 3 years in fact. And for that entire time, she struggled to let go of her love and move on.

She would tell him they were done and they would be, for anywhere from a week to 6 months. And during those brief periods she got her life back. She would see her friends, find her drive, calm her thoughts and no longer be depressed.

But, every time, they would fall back into their relationship and she found herself right back where she started – depressed.

So, keep trying to break things off with your guy. It ‘ s one of the hardest things you will ever have to do but it is possible!

When you do, you will have your life back. How great would that be?

Surviving infidelity and depression is not an easy feat. It might even be the hardest thing that you ever do. But you CAN DO IT!

Very rarely do we seek out infidelity – usually it appears just when our life seems bleakest, when our marriage is struggling and we have lost some of ourselves. Unfortunately, once infidelity gets it ‘ s claws in you, it ‘ s hard to break free.

But there are ways to manage your depression along the way. Keep your mind busy, your friends close, your ambition high, and your body toned. And don ‘ t EVER stop trying to break away from your lover. I know that you love him but anyone who is wreaking this much havoc in your life is just not good for you!

My client did it. Her life today is great. She left her marriage but she has a new life, with a new man. She is healthy and happy and living a life that is true to herself and to her beliefs.

You can have that too! I promise.

Is your infidelity wreaking havoc on your emotional health?
Let me help, NOW, before it makes everything worse!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

Why Women Struggle With Letting Go of a Toxic Love

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A few years back I was in a relationship that was not good for me. The man I loved was bad for me in so many ways but I just couldn ‘ t leave him. Or if I did manage to leave him he would reappear a few days or weeks later and suck me back in. And I let him. Over and over and over.

Looking back, I have wondered why this was so. Why I just couldn ‘ t let go. I think I have figured it out and want to share what I have learned with you.

#1 – We are afraid of being alone.

It is the human condition to want to be in a pair. To have someone to share one ‘ s life and experiences with. That is the goal.

Unfortunately, for many of us, we are willing to settle for ‘ ˜good enough ‘ when it comes to finding the other half of our twosome. We believe that if we let go of the bird in hand that we will NEVER find another man to love. The prospect of putting ourselves out there again so that we can find that person is overwhelmingly daunting. So, we hold onto the one we have now. No matter how bad they are for us.

Let me tell you, from decades of personal and professional experience, there is always another person out there for us. We might not find them right away but we will NEVER find them if we stay in the relationship that we are in.

So, if you are staying in your toxic relationship because you believe that if you leave you will always be alone, let me tell you that you won ‘ t! There is a guy out there for you, a guy who will be your perfect half, who will make you whole.

#2 – We don ‘ t feel great about ourselves.

I can ‘ t tell you how many of my clients who are in toxic relationships have very low self-esteem.

They just don ‘ t believe that they are worthy of good love and, if they do, they have no idea how to go out and find it.

Unfortunately, the result of toxic relationships can be the lowering of self -esteem. We are unhappy, isolated from our friends, belittled for any perceived shortcomings and know, deep down, that we aren ‘ t being treated well.

And if we don ‘ t feel good about ourselves we attract men who don ‘ t feel good about us either.

For me, part of letting go of my toxic love was focusing on my business. I was able to redirect the pain of letting go of the relationship into something that made me feel really good about myself. And feeling good about myself allowed me to let him go and find someone who sees just how awesome I am.

#3 – We can ‘ t break the pattern.

I can ‘ t overemphasize enough how big a role patterns play in our lives.

Think about your daily routines and patterns and how off you feel those days that your routines are broken. Like if you always have breakfast before you head out the door and one day you just can ‘ t and how you just don ‘ t feel yourself for the rest of the day.

Now imagine this in relationship. When a relationship is new and good we establish patterns and routines with our partners. And those patterns and routines become entrenched in our brains. Breaking them can be nearly impossible.

Do you imagine what Christmas would be like without your partner? Or wonder who you would go to the movies with on Wednesdays? Those are the patterns that keep us with our toxic loves.

Interestingly, even the breaking up and getting back together gets routine. With my toxic relationship, I would break up with him and then, like clockwork, in 8 weeks he would reach out to me and before I knew it I was back where I started. I can ‘ t tell you how many times that happened.

I have since learned that if you can get past that 8 week mark you can break a pattern. And I can promise you that you will find someone else to go to the movies with on Wednesdays.

#4 – We blame ourselves.

One of the most insidious things about toxic love is that, after a while, we start to blame ourselves for everything that is going wrong.

I have a client whose husband had a relationship with one of their employees. For three years my client has asked her husband to fire that woman and for three years he has promised to and hasn ‘ t. She is beside herself and rightly so.

The thing is, her husband has done a remarkable job making her feel like their issues are HER fault. He says that if she could just let this go they could be happy. That she has no compassion for this other woman ‘ s children – what would they do if their mother had no income? Because of his accusations, she truly questions her mental health some days.

Do you blame yourself for not letting go of your toxic love? Do you believe that if you could just have been a little bit nicer or paid more attention to him or had sex with him when he wanted you to that everything would be just fine?

If yes, stop. Your man is making your life difficult and, while you might play a role in the situation, I can promise you that it ‘ s NOT all your fault.

#5 – We feel like our connection is like none other.

Do you believe that the relationship that you share with your man is like none other. That the intense passion and connection that you share can not compare with anyone else ‘ s relationship and that letting it go would be such a waste?

Let me tell you, EVERYONE feels that way about their relationship. I hate to burst your bubble but, while the love you have for this man might be strong, it ‘ s not the ultimate love in the world and letting go of it will not be the end of it.

As a matter of fact, if you can let go of your toxic love then you are WAY more likely to find a connection that is real and wonderful and magic.

I did.

Letting go of toxic love is very difficult. Probably one of the most difficult things you will ever have to do.

But letting go of toxic love is very important for a happy life. Can you imagine spending the rest of your life living with someone who makes your life miserable more often then he makes you happy?

Could you ever be happy if the rest of your life is the same as your life today?

I know that, for me, finally getting out of my toxic relationship gave me the time, strength and focus to build my business and my self-esteem. It made me understand that I could break patterns and not only survive but thrive. I learned that I was okay being alone and that while to me our love was special, really there is other, better love in this world.

So, what are you waiting for? Letting go of a toxic love is something that you can start doing right now!

If you have made it this far you must really be struggling to get away from a toxic love.
Let me help you, NOW, before the you get any more hurt!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

5 Tips For Finding Your Motivation When Feeling Depressed

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Do you have trouble finding motivation when feeling depressed?

If the answer is YES, rest assured that you are not alone. Those of us who get depressed really struggle with being productive when we are feeling blue.

Even worse, not being motivated to do anything when we feel down can only make the depression worse.

Luckily there are ways to find motivation when feeling depressed.

#1 – Get out of bed

This might seem fairly obvious but, for many people, the act of simply getting out of bed when they are depressed is impossible.

The inclination to stay under the covers, in the dark, away from the stimulation of the world is almost irresistible when you are depressed. Bed is comfy and cozy and not going to judge you in any way for how you are feeling.

If you are trapped in your bed, GET OUT OF IT!

People I know who are depressed go to great lengths to stay out of bed when they are depressed.

I have known people to take their mattress off the box spring and lean it against the wall. Some people pile their mattress with books. Others strip the bed of the sheets.

Whatever it takes to keep them out of bed when they are depressed.

Because, out of bed, it is WAY easier to get motivated.

#2 – Exercise

The best way to find motivation, whether you are depressed or not, is to get out of the house and exercise.

The act of exercising produces endorphins which will not only lighten your mood but will give you the energy that you need to get off your butt and get some stuff done.

If you add the outdoors to the mix, by taking a walk or riding a bike, you will only compound the positive effects of the exercise. There is nothing like some fresh air and sunshine to give you the energy to take on the world.

Have you ever felt like you could take on the world after a good brisk walk in the park? Can ‘ t you remember that feeling like it was yesterday?

Do it NOW!

#3 – Spend time with people who make you laugh.

When we are depressed we tend to isolate ourselves. The prospect of getting out of bed and actually interacting with people is too much for us to bear.

This is just exactly the opposite of what we should be doing.

Picture this. You can spend the rest of the day in bed, covers pulled up over your ears, mulling about how horrible the world is and how you are never going to do anything ever again. OR you can invite some friends over and laze around on the couch, laughing about whatever it is that you laugh about with them.

Which one feels better? Which one might lead to you leaving the house and going to a movie?

You tell me.

#4 – Have sex.

When people are depressed they often have absolutely no interest in having sex of any kind. But let me tell you: you should try it!

Having sex when you are depressed produces, like exercise, endorphins that make you feel better and give you more energy.

Even better, having an orgasm gives you a shot of dopamine, the effects of which can last between 5-7 hours. Imagine what you can get done in 5-7 hours.

And best of all, spending some time naked with another person is way better than lying in bed by yourself because being closely connected with someone makes you feel GREAT and if you feel great, even for just a bit, you are more likely to get out into the world.

#5 – Do one small thing.

When we are depressed the idea of getting anything done at all is completely overwhelming. And so what do we do? Nothing. And then how do we feel? Worse.

I am suggesting that, once you get out of bed and get some exercise, you considering doing just one thing. Anything. Because doing just one thing can often lead to doing another.

Choose something that you really like to do. When I am depressed, I love to go through my inbox and throw shit away. Getting organized feels good. What I hate to do when I am depressed is make phone calls. Talking to people on the phone in that state of mind is not a good idea.

So choose one thing that you like to do, in or out of the house. And do it.

Go make coffee. Take the dog for a walk. Make your bed. Even if it doesn ‘ t lead to doing another thing at least you got one thing done!

Finding your motivation when feeling depressed is very difficult. But it is an important thing to try to do.

When we are depressed the world goes on without us. We stay at home, isolated, in pain and feeling hopeless. And while finding motivation might not fix our depression, it certainly will help us to manage it and not let it get the best of us.

So get out of your bed (unless you are having sex in it), get some exercise, spend time with friends and get one thing done.

Reconnect with the world. You will be glad that you did.

5 Things You MUST Know If You Are Feeling Depressed For The First Time

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You are feeling depressed for the first time. Are you feeling confused and overwhelmed and not sure what to do about it? It’s a scary feeling, one you have never experienced before.

Let me help you. I have struggled with depression for most of my life and there are some things that are essential to know if you are feeling depressed for the first time.

#1 – What kind of depression is it?

In my experience, there are two basic kinds of depression: situational depression and chemical depression.

Situational depression is caused by something that happens in your life. When something big happens that makes you sad, like the death of a parent or a divorce or the loss of a job, you can become situationally depressed. This kind of depression usually has a beginning, caused by a specific event, and an end, and is often treated differently from chemical depression.

Chemical depression is the result your brain chemistry being off in such a way that leads to depression. You are most often born with chemical depression but it can also by caused by a traumatic life event.

Chemical depression can happen to you even if your life is going great.

Chemical depression can be treated but it might be treated differently from situational depression.

I have suffered from chemical depression my whole life and experienced situational depression while I cared for my mother as she was dying of pancreatic cancer. Both kinds of depression were tough to deal with but I figured out how.

#2 – There are different types of treatment for different kinds of depression.

For situational depression, depression that usually has a beginning and an end, the most effective treatment I found was talk therapy and the use of an anti-depressant.

Talk therapy is very effective for situational depression because there is usually something specific that needs to be processed. For me, I had to process the effects of being the caregiver of a dying parent and then how to cope when she died.

Medication was very effective for me as well. I described my anti-depressant as something that ‘ ˜raised the bottom of the pool for me to keep me from drowning. ‘

The talk therapywas important for me but it wasn ‘ t enough. The anti-depressant enabled me to get to the therapy, engage with the therapist and move on. Some time after the death of my mother I was able to stop the anti-depressant medication, although I did continue the therapy for a while.

With chemical depression talk therapy can also be quite effective but medication is often an essential part of treatment.

I have suffered from depression my whole life; the result, I believe, of genetics – both my grandfather and my great grandfather were severely depressive. The fact that my brain chemistry is off is an inherited trait, much like the thyroid cancer my grandmother passed down to me.

For me, the most effective way to manage my brain chemistry is with medication. I have been on a mood stabilizer for 10 years now and it has balanced out my brain chemistry to the point where the depression no longer controls my life.

Because chemical depression often doesn ‘ t have an ‘ end, ‘ other types of treatment can be very effective. I have found that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy worked quite well for me. CBT teaches you how to talk back to your brain when it tries to bring you down. It teaches you how to identify thought patterns that don ‘ t serve you which can help you manage your depression.

There are many other types of therapy and learned coping skills that work with chemical depression as well. Talk to you therapist about what might work best for you.

#3 – Depression is nothing to be embarrassed about.

In the United States mental illness is the #1 most discriminated against state of being, over race and sexual orientation. Many people believe that depression is something that can be avoided and if you are ‘ ˜strong enough ‘ you can power through it.

Many people also believe that taking medication is a mark of weakness. People don ‘ t question my taking medication for a thyroid disorder but I get questioned every day about why I take psychotropic meds.

All that being said, virtually everyone in the US is touched in some way by depression. They might struggle with it or perhaps a parent or a child does. Whatever the case, there are many, many people out there living with mental illness and hiding yours won ‘ t serve you.

In fact, one of the best ways that I manage my depression is by talking about it, with my family and friends, but also with other people who are struggling like me.

#4 – Your depression will get worse without treatment.

Both types of depression, both situational and chemical, will get worse without treatment.

I wasn ‘ t diagnosed with depression until I was 42 years old when it got so bad that I had a breakdown. Earlier treatment might have prevented me from getting to that place.

It is essential that if you are struggling with depression that you reach out to your primary care provider right away. You can discuss with them the causes and symptoms of your depression and make a plan on how to move forward with treatment.

#5 – Take care of yourself.

If you are depressed for the first time it is very important that you take care of yourself.

Many people who are depressed self-medicate with alcohol, drugs, food and sex, among other things. While these things will make you feel better in the short term, in the long run you will find that these things only make your depression worse.

So make sure you are doing things that are good for you. Exercise regularly, sleep well and eat foods that are healthy. Spend time with people who are good to you and do activities that make your heart sing.

While these things won ‘ t cure your depression, they will make living with it way more tolerable and allow you to live a quality life.

If you are feeling depressed for the first time it is essential that you recognize your depression for what it is and reach out for help right away.

Depression is a scary thing and while it is tempting to ignore it in the hopes that it will go away, really it won ‘ t. I tried to ignore mine and instead found myself one day in a closet, banging my head against the wall.

So reach out to your primary care giver today. Get your treatment started. And make sure that you take care of yourself along the way.

You will be glad you did! I was.

Do you know that you are feeling depressed for the first time?
Let me help, NOW, before it gets worse!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

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