How To Know If Surviving Infidelity Without Counseling Is Possible For You

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Have you discovered that your partner has been cheating? Do you hope nonetheless for a reconciliation? Are you wondering if surviving infidelity without counseling is possible?

The betrayal of a loved one can be devastating but it doesn ‘ t have to be the end of a relationship or the death of your happy life. There are ways to deal with it and survive it without counseling but it will take a lot of presence of mind, life skills and determination.

Let me walk you through how surviving infidelity without counseling is possible.

#1 – Is the other person completely out of the picture.

A very important piece of surviving infidelity and keeping your relationship intact is whether or not the other person is completely out of the picture.

Working on a marriage when the other person is still around is literally impossible. Your partner and their lover are connected in a deep way. If you have been told that they are ‘ ˜now just friends ‘ or they don ‘ t ‘ ˜see ‘ each other anymore but still talk, then that person is NOT out of the picture.

If the other person isn ‘ t out of the picture you and your partner will fail in any attempts to regain loving feelings about each other because you will always be suspicious and feel less loved and your partner will stay emotionally connected to the person who was their lover.

So, the first step in all of this is ensuring the other person is gone. Only once that is the case can you proceed to the next steps.

#2 – Do you genuinely want it to work?

Your partner has done the unimaginable – they have fooled around on you. They have betrayed the commitment you have made to each other. They have broken your heart.

So, let me ask you this – do you still want to be in a relationship with this person?

This is a key part of surviving infidelity without counseling. If you aren ‘ t determined to make this work, if every fiber of your being knows that, if possible, you would like to get your relationship back, then any efforts to save it will be futile.

Being determined doesn ‘ t guarantee success but, without out it, you are doomed to failure.

#3 – Can you still communicate with each other?

If you and you partner are still able to communicate with each other then surviving infidelity without counseling is definitely possible.

Communication is the most important tool for fixing what is broken. You will need to communicate how you are feeling and your partner will need to communicate how they got to the place where infidelity was even an option.

You will need to work together to identify issues in your relationship and make a concrete plan to work on those issues together.You will need to understand each other ‘ s wants and needs and be committed to making change.

The only way to do that effectively is by being able to communicate clearly with each other – to speak and listen and make sure each other are heard and understood.

#4 – Can you let go of the anger?

Your partner has fooled around on you and of course you are ANGRY. Who wouldn ‘ t be? But can you let go of it and move on?

If you are holding onto anger, anger at yourself for your naiveté, anger at your partner for their wandering hands, then working on surviving infidelity without counseling will be impossible. Your anger will interfere with your communication, your anger will interfere with wanting to make things work, your anger will cloud your emotions so that you can ‘ t think clearly.

If you are still angry with your partner, and the situation, take some time to work through that anger and let it go. Once you have been able to let it go then you will be able to start working with your partner to get through the mess.

I know letting go of anger is easier said than done but it is possible!

#5 – Can you forgive?

This final piece is really important – can you forgive your partner?

Forgiveness is a key part of surviving infidelity. Again, you have been betrayed. Do you have the ability to accept and understand the where and why it happened and not hold it over your partner’s head going forward?

It is possible to forgive even if it ‘ s not possible to forget. It might take some time to get there but if you can do so then you have a real chance at saving your relationship and living the rest of your lives together happily.

So, take some time. Do some reading about forgiveness, what it means and how to get there. See if you can forgive your partner and move on.

Surviving infidelity without counseling might seem impossible. But it isn ‘ t.

Every day, many couples come back from the betrayal of infidelity and live happy lives together.

If the other person is out of the picture, if you can still communicate, if you have determination, if you aren ‘ t stuck in anger and can forgive, then you have a good chance of being able to get past this and move on.

Of course, if you try to work on your relationship without counseling and fail, it is still possible to take that next step and get some professional help to get you through it. Therapists and life coaches are trained in helping people move past difficult situations and sometimes expert help is just what you need to take that next step.

Good luck with this next period in your life. You can do it!!

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really be struggling with surviving infidelity.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before you lose your relationship.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

21 ‘How To Let Go Of Love’ Quotes That Will Help You Move On

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Sharing how to let go of love quotes is one of my favorite things to do as a relationship coach.

I have written countless articles about how to know when to let go of love, how to do it and what to do next. I counsel women every day and support them through this tumultuous time.

Today, I was going to write another article but instead decided to share the wisdom of others.I truly believe that sharing in the experience of others with a broken heart is one of the best ways for us to heal.

Every day thousands of people, like you, have their hearts broken. And, every day, broken hearts are healed and life goes on. Hearing the words of others, and listening to their stories, can help you let go of love and move forward in life.

So, let’s begin.

Every time I think about you, I have to remind myself that if you wanted to talk to me, you would. – Anon

Letting go doesn ‘ t mean that you don ‘ t care about someone anymore. It ‘ s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.Deborah Reber

Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.Steve Maraboli

Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.Roy T. Bennett

Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake and help us see we are worth so much more than we ‘ re settling for.Mandy Hale

Today expect something good to happen to you no matter what occurred yesterday. Realize the past no longer holds you captive. It can only continue to hurt you if you hold on to it. Let the past go. A simply abundant world awaits.Sarah Ban Breathnach

The truth was, he now belonged only to my past, and it was time I begin to accept it, as much as it hurt to do so.Tammara Webber

I loved with every inch of my being, but I realized one day if loving him meant losing me then loving him was not enough any anymore. Nikki Rowe

The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving.Elizabeth Gilbert

Holding on is believing that there ‘ s a past; letting go is knowing that there ‘ s a future. Daphne Rose Kingma

I think that you never fall out of love with somebody; you just let go and move on. Ashley Rickards

The most difficult aspect of moving on is accepting that the other person already did. Faraaz Kazi

You don’t need strength to let go of something. What you really need is understanding.Guy Finley

Letting go does not mean you stop caring. It means you stop trying to force others to.Mandy Hale

It’s not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential.Bruce Lee

Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose. Lyndon B. Johnson

If you ‘ re going through hell, keep going.Winston Churchill

Sometimes the hardest part isn ‘ t letting go but rather learning to start over. Nicole Sobon

Sometimes you have to take a step back to move forward.Erika Taylor

It hurts to let go, but sometimes it hurts more to hold on. Anon

Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it. Justin Timberlake

Learning how to let go of love is something that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy because the pain is truly like none other.

How to let go of love quotes can really help when you need it most.

Remember, in the words of Coco Ginger -‘When we are in love, we are convinced nobody else will do. But as time goes, others do do, and often do do, much much better.’

If you are letting go of love, know that this is not your last love but that letting go of this one opens the door for a new, better, love to come in.

I promise.

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really be struggling with how to let go of love.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before you get even more stuck.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

5 Tips For Letting Go Of Love With Love For Yourself

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Do you wake up every day, struggling with a break-up that has left you devastated? Are you wondering about tips for letting go of love with love for yourself?

Has all the reading that you ‘ ve done, all the conversations that you have had with friends, all the things that you ‘ ve heard from your mother, are they all helping you understand that the best way for you to get over your loss is by learning to love yourself?

It ‘ s true! The best way to truly recover from a break-up is to start loving yourself fully and completely.

So, what are some ideas for letting go of love with love for yourself?

#1 – Do things that comfort you.

When your heart is broken and you feel like your life is over, one of the best things that you can do is self-care. Your body and your spirit may feel broken but some nurturing will help them heal.

When my husband left me, I was left devastated and alone. My house was empty, my kids were gone and my husband no longer came home at the end of the day. My days were endless and I didn ‘ t know how I was going to survive being alone.

One day, a Groupon appeared in my inbox from Massage Envy, offering a 60 minute massage for $40. I had nothing to do so I bought the Groupon and I made an appointment for a massage.

That massage was one of the best hours of my life. I was in a warm room, on a cozy table and I had a lovely woman attending to my aches and pains, making me feel loved and cared for.

I realized that day, when I am emerged from the spa feeling rejuvenated and alive, that doing things that comforted me was what I would need to help me moving forward.

From that day on, I would spend some time every day doing things to take care of myself. I did yoga, went for walks, spent time antiquing with girlfriends and drank whiskey by the fire on cold winter nights.

By nurturing myself, by loving myself, I was able to get the strength that I needed to let go of the loss of my marriage. I was truly letting go of love with love for myself.

#2 – Do things that make you feel good.

Another thing that I did during the months after my husband left was I started volunteering at a local food bank.

Volunteering was good for me for two reasons. The first was that it filled hours in my day, hours that I might otherwise have spent wallowing in my pain. Instead, I spent those hours helping those in need get food to feed their families. I met many people and saw a lot of tears, and even more smiles, during those hours at the food bank. I recognized how fortunate I was for all that I had and seeing the strength and perseverance of people who were going hungry gave me strength to take care of myself.

A big part of loving yourself is taking care of other people. If you have the opportunity in your day to help another person, do it. There ‘ s nothing better than helping someone in need to nurture love of self.

#3 – Spend time with those who love you.

When your heart is broken and you are feeling alone, one of the best remedies is spending time with those who love you.

Spending time with those who love you will remind you of all the reasons why you should love yourself.

A client of mine was recently left by a man she considered to be the love for life. What he really was was an abuser, someone who isolated her from her family and friends, who belittled her and made her believe that she was nothing. By the time he left, she had no love for herself. Only self-hate.

Because she was left without a place to live, my client returned home. Her parents welcomed her with open arms. Her brothers and sisters who lived nearby came over regularly. Her family circled the wagons and showed her their love.

Being surrounded by people who loved her and who believed in her helped my client start to remember the woman who she used to be. When she started loving herself again she was able to see how much her man had hurt her and how much better off she was without him.

So, if you are dealing with the loss of lover, reconnect with your friends and family. They love you for who you are and that ‘ s exactly what you need to be reminded of right now.

#4 – Accomplish something.

Soon after I got divorced, I decided to get my life coach certification. I had always been a wife and a mother but I decided it was time to follow my life goal of being a healer.

Once I was certified, I set down the daunting path of building my own business. Starting a life coach business, building a website, figuring out marketing, networking and attracting clients was one of the hardest things I ‘ ve ever had to do. Some days I woke up so frustrated, wanting to just throw in the towel and go get a regular job.

But I didn ‘ t. I persevered. And, over the course of the past six years, I have built a thriving life coaching business where every day I help men and women navigate their lives so that they can be happy.

Making something of myself after being left behind by my husband enabled me to let go of the pain of the loss because I knew that I was amazing, that I could do anything and that any man who didn ‘ t want to be with me was missing out.

What do you want to do? If you are struggling with letting go of love, it ‘ s time to take that step. Be the person you ‘ ve always wanted to be, do what you have always wanted to do.

#5 – Make a list of all you have to offer.

Those of us who are single all have a list of attributes that we want in a man. We want them to be smart and funny and handsome and athletic and successful and more. And, of course, we should want those things. Because we are awesome.

I always encourage my clients to not only make a list of the attributes they want in a man but to make a list of why a man would be lucky to have them.

My list looks something like this: I am a good friend, a great mother and an exceptional caregiver. I am tough as nails, I have lived all over the world, I am intelligent, funny, kind and successful at whatever I try. I am willing to take risks. I ‘ m willing to make myself vulnerable. Any man would be lucky to have me.

I typed up this list and put it on my refrigerator. Every day, instead of reading a list of what I wanted in a man, I read a list of why a man should want to be with me. Every day I remind myself that loving myself is the key to letting go of the love that I have lost and finding a new love for my future.

Letting go of love with love for yourself is one of the healthiest ways to get through these difficult times.

It ‘ s so easy to focus on everything that is wrong with you when you have been rejected but DON ‘ T.

Do things to take care of yourself, do things to take care of the world, spend time with family and friends who love you, accomplish something and take stock of what an amazing woman you are.

I know it seems like the pain of your loss will last forever but I can promise you that learning to love yourself will help ease the pain in the short run and set you up to find the love of your life down the road.

You can do it!

Are you struggling with letting go of love and finding yourself?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

5 Reasons to be Happy if You Are Single on Valentine’s Day

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Valentines Day is here! The day you have been waiting for all year. A day that is all about love and chocolate. Really what else does one need?

Except, oh yeah, you aren ‘ t in a relationship this year so you are going to be single on Valentine’s Day and you are going to be the ONLY one without a date. Woe is you.

C ‘ mon people! Valentine ‘ s Day is a day to celebrate love. In all it ‘ s forms. So let ‘ s do it!

There are many reasons to be happy if you are single on Valentine ‘ s Day. Here are 5 of them.

#1 – The pressure is off.

I have a client who just yesterday was lamenting that Valentine ‘ s Day was right around the corner. Every year she has such big expectations for the day and every year her husband lets her down completely. One year he split a dozen roses with a co-worker and brought them home. Really.

Did you know that post – Valentine ‘ s Day is the #2 time of year for break ups (#1 is right after New Years when people think ‘ I am not going to do one more holiday with this person. ‘ ) And the reason for Valentine ‘ s break ups is because people feel let down, again.

This year, because you are single, you get to make whatever you want out of your Valentine ‘ s Day. What do you want to do? Get a bunch of friends and drink tequila? Go to a sappy movie? Dance the night away? Binge watch Game of Thrones? Whatever you want. The sky is the limit. And it ‘ s your choice.

And just imagine that, for once, Valentine ‘ s Day will be everything that you want it to be because you are in charge.

#2 – Eat chocolate.

Let ‘ s get right down to it. Valentine ‘ s Day is particularly about the love of chocolate. And who doesn ‘ t love chocolate? If there was ever a reason to be happy that you are single on Valentine ‘ s Day is that you can have chocolate, as much as you want and all to yourself.

Word on the street is that dark chocolate is the best for you. It is very nutritious, is a great source of anti-oxidents, improves blood flow and lowers blood pressure and it helps balance your cholesterol.

Personally, I like milk chocolate which may not have the same qualities as dark but it makes me smile every time I eat it. Especially if there is caramel in the middle.

So, eat chocolate! On this day, eat as much as you want. It ‘ s not like you are going to have to get naked in front of someone at the end of the day. Do it!

I personally have a bowl of chocolate pudding with my name on it in my fridge, waiting for me to indulge. Kind of exciting.

#3 – You can love that most important person. Yourself.

This is a tough one. It ‘ s really hard to love ourselves much less put ourselves first on the list of those we love. But it ‘ s very important that we do and Valentine ‘ s Day is a great day to practice that.

I personally have a list of the things that I love about myself and that list is going to be front and center for me on Valentine ‘ s Day.

I love that I am a direct and honest person, sometimes to a fault, but it is a thing that people say they appreciate about me. I love that I have so many friends who know they can rely on me to be there, anytime and anywhere. I love that I am funny and sarcastic and a fabulous flirt. I love how I feel walking down the street in my tight jeans and cowboy boots. I love the work I do with my clients. I love that I am 53 and rocking it.

There is a lot to love about me and damn if I am not going to recognize that on this day that is all about love.

And I am going to eat some chocolate to celebrate how awesome I am.

#4 – It ‘ s a reminder that it’s time to make a move.

It ‘ s so easy to just give up on our search for love. This modern world makes finding love difficult. We are all so busy and connected to our devices and it ‘ s very hard to look up and see all of the people who are around us.

Now is the time to take stock of how important a relationship is to you. I know many of my clients say that they are just fine, that being alone is way better because they have their own lives. And this is true. If you are happy alone then you are very healthy.

But it ‘ s okay to want to be in a relationship. It is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign that you are strong enough to define what you want and go out there and get it.

Try registering with a dating site. Join a Meet Up that will bring you together with like-minded people. Go to the park and smile at that cute guy who is walking past. Tell all your friends that they need to set you up with someone. Visualize that ideal partner in your head. Believe that you can get it.

Set a goal. Make a plan. Put yourself out there. Find love. You can do it!

#5 – Celebrate that love is all around you.

The first words in the movie ‘ Love Actually, ‘ spoken by Hugh Grant, are as follows:

Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.

Those words give me shivers every time.

Look around. Look at the love that is all around you every day.

For me, every night I look at the moon and I think of the people that I love who are looking at that very same moon. I can feel the love and I am thankful. The world is big and love is everywhere.

Valentine ‘ s Day might at times seem like a Hallmark & Hershey holiday but really what does it matter because it is an excuse to celebrate love.

There are many reasons to be happy if you are single on Valentine ‘ s Day. So, don ‘ t waste the day. Take a look around and notice the people, places and things you love. Don ‘ t forget to look in the mirror too.

Because love is all around us. How lucky are we?

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really be struggling with being alone this Valentine’s Day.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before you get even more stuck.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

5 Helpful Tips For Setting Boundaries In Your Marriage

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Have you just walked down the aisle with the most amazing person and are you now looking for helpful tips for setting boundaries in your marriage?

Good for you for being proactive and let me help!

Healthy boundaries are very important in any healthy marriage. But what are boundaries, exactly?

To understand healthy relationship boundaries, look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds your life together. They hold your food and your bed and your possessions and it ‘ s where you live your life.

Healthy relationship boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your relationship as it grows. To have a healthy marriage, one that can grow and be fruitful, it is important that it has structures, boundaries, that support it.

Healthy relationship boundaries come in many shapes, sizes and colors and they are essential and appropriate for every relationship, whether it be new and exciting or more settled and safe, like marriage.

Now that you know what boundaries are let ‘ s talk about how to get them.

#1 – Look at individual needs.

The best place to start when setting boundaries in your marriage is for each of you to look at your own individual needs. A key part of identifying potential boundaries is for each of you to see what is important for your own individual happiness.

I know, in my relationship, what is important to me is that I have quality time with my partner every day. I also know that I want to be given the freedom to pursue my hobbies and my interests, I want to have openness and transparency in our communication and I want to be treated with respect.

Knowing what I need in my marriage allows me to understand what the composition of my boundary walls should be. If I didn ‘ t do that consideration, and figure out what is important to me, then I might have built those walls out of things that weren ‘ t strong enough to frame my marriage and that might cause those walls to fail.

So, both of you, take some time and identify what is important to you as an individual in your marriage.

#2 – Compare lists.

Once you have each individually defined your needs it is time for you to share those needs with your partner.

I took my list to my partner and I was not surprised to learn that our two lists overlapped. It was very important to him that he have time to spend pursuing his hobbies, mainly skiing and woodworking. It was also important to him that he spends time with his mother, that we don’t yell at each other when angry and that we not to be rigid in our boundaries.

It was good for us to compare our lists because by doing so we had a conversation about what was important for each of us, raising awareness that we could use for creating boundaries and, as we go forward, living our life together.

I know, with my ex-husband, we never did this. We just entered into married life with no thought as to what it would look like and, within a few years, we were both drowning, confused and at a loss as to what was going wrong.

#3 – Set priorities.

Once you have merged your lists, it ‘ s important that you set priorities. Sometimes it ‘ s impossible to accommodate every one of each other ‘ s needs but it ‘ s important that everybody ‘ s most important needs are met.

For me, my most important needs were face-to-face, regular quality time and being honest with each other. For my partner, it was important to him that he could spend time on his own and that yelling at each other would be taboo.

Of course, the other things, like his mother and my need for effective communication, are important and part of our definition of our boundaries but we both expressed what were deal breakers in the composition of our boundary walls. We knew that these priorities would be respected and, if they were, our marriage would be stronger.

#4 – Define success.

A very important thing to do, once you have defined your boundaries and set your priorities, is to write down what success would look like. Specifically.

For me, regular face-to-face quality time meant that for at least 15 minutes every night we put down our phones and our computers and turn away from the television and look each other in the eye and talk to each other. For my partner, being able to ski two weekends a month and working in his woodshop on Sunday mornings would be important to him.

It is essential that each of you understand specifically what the other sees as success. For many of us, we just guess at what our partner wants from us and, because of that, sometimes we fail.

So, be as specific with each other as you can. Set yourselves up for success.

#5 – Put it in writing.

The final step for setting boundaries in your marriage is to write it all down.

Conversations are great but putting what you discussed in writing allows you both to more clearly see, and remember, the boundaries that you have established. You can refer to them when you ‘ re questioning what they might be and trying to remember what they look like specifically.

So, write them down and keep them some place where you both have easy access. As your marriage moves on through the months and years, you should regularly revisit the boundaries that you have set, updating them as necessary and re-familiarizing yourself with what they look like.

There is nothing better than writing things down to keep us accountable and familiar.

Setting boundaries in your marriage is an essential part of setting yourself up for success.

Marriages are long and they can be challenging and doing whatever work you can do ahead of time is key.

Work individually to define what you want, come together to see where you overlap and are different, set your priorities, define successes and write it all down.

Doing these things early in your marriage will help ensure a long, healthy, happy marriage, the kind you committed yourself to on the altar that day.

You can do it!

Are you struggling with setting boundaries in your marriage?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

5 Strategies For Surviving The Guilt Of Infidelity

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Have you recently had an affair, or perhaps are you in the middle of one? If you are I know you ‘ re struggling, looking for ideas for surviving the guilt of infidelity.

I have had many clients who have had affairs and, while from the outside they might seem sexy and exciting, from the inside they ‘ re scary, overwhelming and fraught with guilt. That ‘ s not to say the sex isn ‘ t good but the guilt that comes with having an affair can sometimes be more than you can bear.

Fortunately, I have many clients who have been able to let go of the guilt they struggle with. Let me help you do the same.

#1 – Accept that you are human.

One thing that we all forget about is that we are only human.

We are raised to think that we are special, that we are different, that we can handle things that other people can ‘ t. And while to some extent this might be true, because everybody IS different, the truth of the matter is that we are all only human and we make mistakes.

People who have affairs are People who are often not happy with their lives. More likely than not, people who have affairs are struggling both in their personal lives and in their relationships. They don ‘ t feel good about themselves and/or they are struggling to find happiness with their partner.

It ‘ s a horrible, horrible place to be and, if you are in that place, what I suggest is that you cut yourself some slack. You are only human. You are going to make mistakes. 

You are a person in the world, one trying to manage the insecurity and unhappiness in your life in a way that allows you to survive. Some people drink too much, some people eat too much, some people drive their cars too fast and some people have affairs.

You are not alone in the world. Plenty of other people are having affairs right now and feeling the same sort of guilt you are. So, let yourself off the hook, know that you are a good person but that you have made a bad choice.

We all make bad choices sometimes and none of us should be forever condemned for it.

#2 – Recognize that it ‘ s not all your fault.

I know you think that this affair is all your fault. You are the one who met someone else, developed a connection with that person and perhaps embarked down the road to a sexual relationship. Yes, you did that.

But you didn ‘ t do it in a void. As I stated above, people who are having affairs are often people who are deeply unhappy in their relationship. And they aren ‘ t the only person in that relationship.

Relationships are comprised of two people and two people are responsible when relationships start to suffer. Perhaps your husband works all the time and you are lonely. Or perhaps your wife has become detached and refuses to talk to you. You feel like you ‘ ve tried to fix things but you haven ‘ t had much success.

Most people don ‘ t intend to have affairs. They just happen. And they happen when people are vulnerable. All of my clients who have had affairs are people who were in a relationship that wasn ‘ t working and it wasn ‘ t working because the TWO people in the relationship were not willing, or able, to repair it. And then infidelity can happen.

Yesterday, I was talking to a client of mine who carries a tremendous amount of guilt about an affair he had and I asked him to think about why he had an affair. What was going on in his relationship that gave him the space to have an affair? He responded by saying ‘ ˜Nothing. My wife is perfect and the affair was all my fault. ‘ I pushed back and we dug a little deeper and we realized that she repeatedly did things that made him feel insecure about himself and that led him to move towards someone who thought he was amazing.

So, please try to understand that your affair is not all your fault. Understanding that will help you manage the guilt that you are struggling with.

#3 – Get some help.

For many people who have had affairs, the prospect of reaching out to get some professional help is unthinkable.

People who have had affairs are racked with guilt and self-loathing and to admit what they have done just seems more then they can bear.

I can promise you that therapists, psychologists and life coaches have seen it all and will absolutely not judge you if you disclose that you ‘ re having an affair. I can promise you that they will look at you with understanding and be able to help you do the work that needs be done to help you manage your guilt.

Another source of excellent help are others who have also survived infidelity. Only people who have experienced infidelity can really understand what it ‘ s all about. Having someone who has been through it can help you understand and manage your emotions in a way that will help you let it go.

Find a support group for people who have survived infidelity. The sharing could change your life.

Please, reach out today. Don ‘ t go through this alone.

#4 – Stop fooling around.

The key piece of surviving the guilt of infidelity is to stop being unfaithful.

You can use all the techniques that I have described above and they will help you manage your guilt but they won ‘ t help you let it go completely.

The only way to stop truly feeling guilty about having an affair is to stop having one.

I know, I know. That ‘ s way easier said than done. But it is possible and doing so is the best thing that you can do to stop that guilt cold in it tracks.

#5 – Rebuild your relationship.

Rebuilding your relationship after having affair might seem like an impossible thing to do, and it just might be, but if you can do it successfully you have the best chance of surviving the guilt of infidelity.

Think about when you are doing a project and you make a big mistake and everything goes wrong but in the end the project is successful. It ‘ s the same thing with a marriage that has been rocked by infidelity. The rocking doesn ‘ t have to cause the ship to sink. If you can manage the rock and keep the relationship afloat and moving forward then all ‘ s well that ends well.

Imagine how good it would feel to be back in your relationship, safe, solid and happy.

Right now, surviving the guilt of infidelity might seem impossible but it doesn ‘ t have to be.

I know for days, weeks, months or perhaps longer you have been racked with the guilt of what you are doing but it doesn ‘ t have to be that way.

Recognize that you are only human, know that it ‘ s not all your fault, get yourself some help, end your affair and work to rebuild your relationship.

If you can do these things then you will survive the guilt of your transgression and might even end up in a better relationship as a result. How great would that be?

Get started now. You can do it!

If you have read this far you must be really struggling with your guilt.

Let me help you, NOW, before it becomes just too much to bear.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started.

5 Things to Know About Marriage Before Your Wedding Day

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Are you getting married? Congrats! And now you are looking for things to know about marriage. Good for you!

Marriage doesn ‘ t come with a manual. I wish it did. Because after the vows have been said, the doves have been released and the dress has been put in dry storage, comes marriage.

And as much as we would like to believe it ‘ s all happily ever after, it often isn ‘ t.

But it CAN be. All you need is some awareness and a willingness to act.

#1 – Communicate, Communicate, Communicate.

One of the most surprising things about many marriages is that after a while communication just stops.

Sure, there are lots of logistical stuff to discuss – when we are coming home for dinner, where the kids ‘ soccer games are, what time we are meeting the in-laws on Sunday.

But real communication, expressing of feelings, frustrations, hopes, dreams and longings, often stop.

Marriage is a 24/7 commitment. During those days, and years, lots of issues can arise, issues that can be hurtful and cause resentment. Instead of being addressed immediately, feelings are often left unsaid. It can just seem too scary to go there, to share how we feel and not know what the response will be. So we don’t.

And then, before we know it, it ‘ s easier to just not say anything, to do the dishes or spend longer at the office, doing anything to avoid difficult conversations. We do this assuming that the issues will be dealt with eventually. Like after Christmas, after Memorial Day or when the kids go off to college.

If you only take one thing away from this article it ‘ s this: keep communicating. Your marriage, and your life, will be better if you do.

#2 – Have lots of sex.

I know newlyweds will laugh now at the prospect of no longer having sex with their partner. ‘ That won ‘ t be us, ‘ they say.

But it very well could be.

We know that anger and resentment can build in a marriage because of unexpressed feelings. For a woman, there is no better libido killer than anger and resentment. And there is no better way to create anger and resentment in a man than the absence of sex.

Intimacy is key to maintaining closeness in a marriage. Touching, kissing, feeling loved and having orgasms are all a big part of this. Marriage without sex is simply a business arrangement.

So push past the anger and resentment and make love with your partner. Or, better yet, kill the anger and resentment with communication and happily make love every night.

You will be happy you did, both in the moment and long term.

#3 – Remember to respect each other.

There is a concept called the ‘ contempt of the familiar. ‘ This contempt occurs when people get to know each other very well. Too well perhaps. We know how the other person looks when flossing their teeth, how they leave their pants hanging on the door, how they slurp their coffee or that they fart in bed.

Perhaps at one time you thought these things cute but now, as time has gone by, they drive you nuts. They might even repel you.

Mutual respect is a key to any successful marriage. Your partner ‘ s mannerisms or ways of doing things might not jive with your own and this can lead to developing a dislike of who they are. And if you don’t like someone it’s hard to respect them.

Have I mentioned yet the importance of communication?

Tell your partner that something they are doing is making it difficult for you to be with them. Don ‘ t just write them off as a lost cause, thinking ‘ if they loved me they would do this differently. ‘ We are all human beings trying to do the best that we can and if you are honest with yourself you know that they aren’t doing any of those things to spite you. They just do them. And can change if asked. Nicely.

Give your partner a chance to keep your respect and allow them to keep respecting you in return.

And sex is way better when you respect your partner. In case you didn’t know.

#4 – Don ‘ t let your extended family get in the way of your new one.

No matter how old we are when we get married, we have many years of experience and tradition with our extended families. Holidays spent just so, toilet paper rolls that roll out on top instead of under, sarcasm that is part of every family get together.

The extended family is wonderful and part of who we are but the priority now is the new family. The one we are creating with our partner.

Of course it ‘ s important to respect our family traditions but if doing so is at the expense of the new relationship it needs to be addressed. If the birthday tradition on one side is the whole family gathered and lots of gifts exchanged and the birthday tradition on the other side involves quietly celebrating with friends then a conversation needs to be had.

Have I mentioned yet the importance of communication?

Both sides of the family need to be told, respectfully, that while all family traditions are important what is important now is how the new family wants to make their own traditions. Compromises might need to be made but it is important that both partners feel like their new life as a couple is their own.

#5 – Know that a baby is going to change everything.

I know! Having a baby is so exciting. From ‘ starting to try, ‘ to nine months of watching it grow, to baby showers and then childbirth (!!) it ‘ s all so wonderful and new and partners are bound closer than ever.

One of the most important things to know about marriage is that when the baby is born and all bets are off.

Like when we get married, no one hands us a manual when we become parents. This means that from day one we are flying by the seat of our pants. Women most often immediately change their focus from their husband to their child. Men are left wondering what happened to their life. Yes, the child is delightful, but dinners together, time with friends, free time for athletics, are all suddenly gone. Not to mention the sex.

It ‘ s important to be aware that the baby is going to change everything and prepare and allow for it. Know that everyone is going to be exhausted, that things are going to be messy, that the next 18 years are going to be an evolution, and a revolution, like you have never been through before.

Commit to making it through those years together. Communicate like you did when you were first married, perhaps even more so, have as much sex as you can squeeze into your week and continue to love and respect each other even as life gets challenging.

It won ‘ t be easy but it will be worth it.

As you do with anything you haven’t done before, researching things to know about marriage before yours starts is very important!

I was married for 20 years and have been divorced for 5. I have spent a lot of time reflecting about what went wrong in my marriage.

What I do know is that we, as a couple, got lost in our family. We gave up who WE were to please everyone else: our kids, our in-laws, our friends. We stopped looking at each other with love, talking about our feelings, hugging each other, respecting each other.

We were business partners. Our family was a successful business but our marriage fell apart.

I am madly in love with a new man now, one I very much hope to marry. And believe me, I won ‘ t make the same mistakes twice.

Marriage is truly a wondrous thing and can be a big part of living the life of your dreams.

So do what I suggest. And don ‘ t ever stop.

If you are still reading your must be getting married and are eager to know what you are getting into.

Good for you! Let me help, NOW, before you walk down the aisle.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or contact me here, and let’s get started.

What to Say When You Are Depressed & Someone Asks How You Are

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You know that moment when you are depressed and you are out in the world because you have to be, even if you ‘ d rather be at home under the covers, that moment when someone, known or unknown, asks how you are?

And you think yourself : Well, how the hell do I answer that question?

The answer to that question is not a clear one but there are different ways to answer, depending on what you feel like you can handle and what you need. The goal when we are feeling depressed is to make sure that we are doing and asking for what WE need, not trying to please other people who might be pushing us to let them help us. 

So, if you someone asks you how you are, let your answer reflect what you need in the moment.

Here are a few suggestions:

#1 – I ‘ m fine.

Just because someone asks you how you are, that doesn ‘ t mean you need to spill your guts to them. Feeling anything other than fine is not something that you have to share with someone you don ‘ t feel comfortable sharing with.

For me, when I ‘ m depressed and my mother calls to ask how I am, I always say I ‘ m fine. I just don ‘ t want to get into it with her. I know that having a conversation with my mother about my depression will be all about her trying to talk me out of it. And that is never helpful.

In other words, it ‘ s okay to not always be honest about how you ‘ re feeling. It is important, however, that if you ‘ re not going to be honest, you are then willing to ‘walk the walk’ of feeling fine for as long as you ‘ re with that person. Telling my mother that I am fine and then sulking around the house is just a lose-lose situation for both of us.

#2 – I ‘ m really struggling.

Should you choose to be honest about your feelings then I would suggest being as simple and straightforward as you can. Telling someone that you ‘ re really struggling, with or without a reason why, might be exactly what you need to say.

For many of us, just having someone acknowledge how we feel in the moment can help us alleviate our bad feelings. I think this is especially the case with our men. I know that if my man asks me how I am and I admit to him that I am feeling sad and he knowledges it, without trying to fix it, I always feel just a little bit better.

I also know that if I tell them I ‘ m fine, and I ‘ m not, everything gets way worse, fast.

So, even if you don ‘ t feel like getting into it, telling someone you ‘ re struggling might be just what you need in the moment.

#3 – I am depressed. 

Admitting that you are depressed might be the answer that works for you. Talking to someone about your depression might be exactly what you need.

But remember, by sharing what is going on, you might be inviting the other person to feel like they need to fix you.

For many people, when faced with somebody who is struggling, they want to fix them right away, to make them feel better. Nobody likes to see anybody suffer and we feel like if we can help someone, we will all feel better.

So, be prepared to talk about what ‘ s wrong if you share with someone what ‘ s going on. That person might try, and fail, to help you and that just might put you in a worse place. But, at the same time, they could say exactly what you need to hear. It ‘ s a bit of a risk, sharing deeply, but the rewards can be substantial.

#4 – I am depressed and I appreciate your asking but I need to take care of myself right now.

With this answer, you ‘ re sharing with the questioner that you are feeling depressed but you are not inviting them to help you. You are acknowledging that they care, which is important, but you ‘ re being clear with them that you don ‘ t need them to fix you.

For many of us who are struggling with depression, we know when we are ready to start receiving help. At first, the feelings can be so deep that anything that anybody says to us seems authentic and doesn ‘ t help. 

If you ‘ re clear with someone that they can ‘ t help you YET, you will not only not be forced to sit through something that might make it worse but you will also let your friend off the hook for trying to fix something that ‘ s not yet fixable.

I know when I ‘ m feeling depressed I try to stay away from people because I don ‘ t want to be confronted with the How are you? question until I am ready.

But life goes on, no matter how we ‘ re feeling, and sometimes we just need to interact with people.

When that is the case, do what you need to do to take care of yourself. If you need help, ask for it. If you don ‘ t want help, keep your cards close to your chest. When you are ready you can show them.

The best way for you to start feeling better is to take care of yourself, to recognize your needs and not worry about the needs of others. If you can do that, you ‘ ll be well on your way down the road to getting better.

If you have read this far you must really be struggling with your depression.

Let me help, NOW, before it gets worse!

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

Why Making Peace With Your Ex Is The Doorway To A Happier Life

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If you had told me a few years back that making peace with your ex was even possible I would have laughed in your face.

My husband left me six years ago for his college girlfriend. We had been married for 20 years and one day he decided that he was just done. Or, rather, that he had found a replacement.

Suddenly, I wasn ‘ t a wife and my kids were off at school so I no longer felt like a mother. I felt like my life was over. I was devastated. And I was very, very angry.

It has taken me a long time to get past the anger I have felt for my ex but I can say that I am so very glad that I was able to do so. Because I was able to do it, my life has become much better place.

How?

#1 – It improved my physical health.

One of the reasons that making peace with your ex is the way to a happier life is because when you can let go of a grudge you become a much healthier person.

People who hold on to grudges, who are chronically angry, are constantly in fight or flight mode. Fight or flight mode results in numerous functional bodily changes including increased heart rate and blood pressure and heightened immune response. Those changes, then, can increase the risk of depression, heart disease and diabetes, among other conditions.

For me, the anger I felt for my ex definitely made my depression worse. My stomach hurt all the time and I lost tons of weight because I wasn ‘ t eating. I contracted Bell ‘ s palsy, a condition that paralyzed the left side of my face. I stopped sleeping and moved around like a zombie.

When my physical conditions started getting so extreme I realized that it was time to let go of the anger. My mother was angry with my father, her ex-husband, for 30 years and she died very young of pancreatic cancer. I didn ‘ t want to end up like her.

So, if you find that the anger you feel is interfering with your physical health, work on letting it go so that you can move on and get healthy.

#2 – It allowed me to feel better about myself.

When my husband left me for another woman, he left me feeling like I was the biggest loser in the world. If he didn ‘ t want me, the person who said he would want me forever, then who would?

I would spend hours at a time obsessing about what he and his woman were doing. Little things would go wrong and I would scream and yell, much like a child would. Whenever my ex and his girlfriend spent time with my kids, I would get so angry and jealous that I would curl up into a little ball and cry.

For quite a while I stumbled around, trying to find my place in the world, being held back by the anger that I felt for him. I tried to build a life for myself and find a new job but I just couldn ‘ t push past my depression and anger and make it happen.

It was only once I let go of my anger and worked on making peace with my ex that I was able to start feeling okay about myself again. I didn ‘ t feel like such a loser. I was able to get off my butt, start a business, start eating well and making new friends. My self-esteem slowly rebuilt itself to where it is today, somewhat off the charts.

#3 – It was great for my kids. And my friends.

If you have children with your ex, making peace with him will be the biggest gift that you can give them.

When their parents split, the matter what age they are, children are confused, angry and hurt. I know that the anger that I felt for my kids ‘ father wasn ‘ t healthy for any of us.

My son refused to talk about anything his father was doing and my daughter tended to over-share, somewhat perversely trying to make me feel better. Neither of those things were good for any of us, particularly for them.

I know that since I have made peace with their father, my kids are so much more willing to share with both of their parents their comings and goings. And this, more than anything, makes me happy.

Even if you don ‘ t have kids, I can promise you that your friends will agree that making peace with your ex is a wonderful thing, if only so that they don ‘ t have to listen to you talk about him anymore. They want to support you, always, but they most likely hate him and want him just to disappear.

#4 – It stopped me from obsessing about the past.

For many of us, we spend more time thinking about the past then we do thinking about our future. And constantly looking in the rearview mirror isn ‘ t good for anybody.

We all live with regrets, with obsessions about what we did wrong, about the messes we made and the things we could have done differently. Spending so much time doing that takes us away from creating a new and better future for ourselves.

I am here to tell you that the past is in the past and there ‘ s nothing we can do to change it. All we can do is to look at what we did, what we experienced, identify what we might have done differently and take that knowledge with us into the future. Being hard on ourselves for past behavior does us no good; it only makes us feel worse.

Once I started looking to the future, and not to the past, I was able to create a clear path for myself, a path that included the business that I wanted to build, the person who I wanted to be in the world and the love I wanted to find.

Instead of wasting time looking backwards, I moved to NYC, built myself a life coaching website, started speaking in public about life and love, started working with people living with mental illness and got out into the dating world.

So, stop wasting time obssessing about things you cannot change and start focusing on things that you can.

#5 – It allowed me to find TRUE LOVE.

When I was able to stop living in the past and start visualizing a future for myself, I knew that making peace with my ex was the best thing that I ever did.

I no longer spent all my time thinking about what happened in my marriage but instead I was able to think clearly about what I wanted for love in my future. I was able to think about what kind of man would be the right man for me. I was able to recognize that I deserved to be with the kind of man who would take care of me and treat me well. I was able to take the steps that I needed to take to find that love.

And guess what? I was able to find him. I found him because my head was up and I was keeping my eyes open instead of always looking inside at what was wrong with me. I found him. The love of my life. I never would ‘ ve found him if I was still really angry with my ex. That I know.

Where is your true love? Could he be just around the corner? Keep your head up and your eyes open, focused on now and on the future, so you can spot him when he appears.

Making peace with your ex might seem impossible right now. And perhaps it is. But making peace with your ex as soon as you can will only make your life a better place.

Holding on to anger and resentment is very bad for your mental and physical health. It keeps you trapped in a cycle of self-loathing. It ‘ s bad for your relationships with your children and your friends. It keeps you from moving forward and finding true love.

So, do what you need to do to work on making peace with your ex. Working with a life coach, like me, someone who ‘ s been through it all and who has helped many women do it themselves is an excellent place to start.

You can do this. It might be hard but it will be worth i

If you have read this far you must really want to make peace with your ex.

Let me help you, NOW, so that you can start TODAY and build better life for yourself!

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

5 Things You Can Do To Show Your Woman You Love Her

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Are you madly in love and want nothing more than to know what you can do to show your woman you love her?

Good for you for knowing how important this is and making the effort to find out what the best way is to do it.

Having been a life coach for many years, and being a woman for even more, I can tell you quite clearly what you can do to show your woman you love her.

#1 – Listen and don ‘ t try to fix her.

One of men ‘ s best personality traits is that they are fixers. Give them a problem and what they want to do more than anything is to fix it.

Unfortunately, women don ‘ t want to be fixed. They want to be listened to. They want to be acknowledged. They want to know that their man hears them and sees them and understands what they ‘ re going through.

So, next time your woman is sitting on the couch feeling very sad, ask her what is wrong and then listen to what she tells you. Tell her that you hear what she is saying and that you are very sorry. And then ask her what she needs from you. Don ‘ t give her advice, just ask her what she needs.

This might seem like a very simple thing, but it is what women want more than anything. To be heard but not fixed.

#2 – Anticipate her needs.

I used tell my clients who are unhappy in love that to expect your man to anticipate your needs is to open yourself up for disappointment. Women want more than anything for their men to anticipate their needs but many men just don ‘ t know how to do it.

I used to tell them that their friends, their sisters and their mothers are the ones who can anticipate their needs without even batting an eye, so rely on them to do so.

That being said, I now do believe it is possible for men, if they want to, to anticipate the needs of their woman. I haven ‘ t always believed this but now I am in a relationship with a man who does pay attention and follows through and my attitude has changed.

So, what do I mean by anticipating the needs of your woman? Quite simply it’s no more than paying attention and taking action.

Every night, I sleep with extra blankets on my side of the bed. More often than not, after I brush my teeth, I go to my bedroom and discover that my boyfriend already took the blankets out of the closet and put them on my side of the bed. Every time he does this, I feel loved. I know it ‘ s a little thing but it shows that he ‘ s paying attention.

Having men anticipate the little things is very important women. If you can anticipate what she might need, and follow through with action, you will really show your woman you love her.

#3 – Notice her.

When was the last time you told your woman how beautiful she looked? When was the last time you told your woman what a great mom she is or how much you love her?

Do you assume that you don ‘ t need to say those things because she knows? If that is the case, I am sorry to say, you ‘ re very wrong.

Women need to be noticed. They need to know you see them, that you see the way they look, the way they act and the way you feel about them. Unfortunately, the longer we are in a relationship, the less we get acknowledged for how amazing we are. I know you ‘ re probably still thinking that she ‘ s amazing but you might forget to tell her.

So, take every opportunity that you can to notice your woman. To tell her the amazing things that you see her do. That you love her very much.

If you want to show your woman you love her, make her feel seen.

#4 – Hold her hand.

Women love holding hands. There is nothing better than walking down the street holding your man ‘ s hand as you go. That long ago moment when a boy reached for her hand in the movie theater was the first moment that your woman knew how it felt to be cared for.

Holding hands seems like very little thing but for women it can be more intimate than sex. The physical contact, without expectation of anything more, makes us feel special and loved and way more likely to want to give more.

The next time you ‘ re walking with your woman, reach over and take her hand. If you do this you can show your woman you love her in a very simple way.

#5 – Learn her Love Language.

I truly believe that one of the best tools you can use to show your woman you love her is Gary Chapman ‘ s5 Love Languages. Go to the website right now and check out the quiz.

The premise behind his book is that there are five love languages, five ways that people express and receive love.

The languages are: Quality Time, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service and Giving of Gifts.

For each person one of those things is the thing that makes them feel the most loved when they are done unto them. When a partner tries to love them using a different love language they don ‘ t feel loved.

My love language is Quality Time – I feel loved when someone is truly present with me, listening to me, focusing on me. My ex-husbands ‘ love language was Physical Touch – he felt love when I was holding his hand, hugging him or, yep, that too.

Unfortunately, the language that we spoke best with each other was Acts of Service – we did things for each other, like changing the oil in the car or going to the grocery store. Stuff got done but neither of us felt loved.

Check out the 5 Love Language atwww.5lovelanguages.com. There you will find a short quiz that you and your partner can both take and you can start loving each other in a way that will work.

Good for you for trying to figure out what you can do to show your woman you love her.

Relationships are long and hard and understanding now what you can do to keep the love strong is very important.

So, go to the 5 Love Languages website to learn what your girl ‘ s love language is. Make an effort to listen to her without trying to fix her, to anticipate her needs, to see her and to hold her hand.

Doing the simple things will make her feel loved, will make your relationship stronger and will make you both happy.

Don ‘ t be intimidated! You can do this!

If you have read this far you must have a woman you really love.

Let me help you, NOW, so that you can start her TODAY!

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

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