How To Know When To Let Go Of A Lost Love

/by


Are you in a relationship right now that is making you unhappy. Are you scaredabout what’s next and wondering how to know when to let go of a lost love because right now you are feeling nothing but pain?

Let me help you.

Deciding to let go of someone you love is a very hard thing to do. Much like the hope that a coma victim will wake up, the hope of resurrecting lost love is one that ‘ s hard to let go of.

So how do you decide? Check out my list below. If any, or all, of these criteria fit your situation then perhaps it ‘ s time to let go.

#1 – Your thoughts are only about him.

Do you spend much of your waking hours thinking about your man? Do you spend hours stalking him on social media, listening to songs that remind you of him, trying to figure out ways to run into him?

If the answers to the above questions are ‘ ˜yes, ‘ then you are actually experiencing something called obsessive love. Obsessive love is when one person feels an obsessive desire to possess and protect another person with an inability to accept rejection or failure.

Love is a wonderful, giving, open emotion. Obsession is a harsh, angry, destructive one.

So, if the love you feel for you man is obsession, then it ‘ s definitely time to let go. It ‘ s not healthy for either of you.

#2 – He gives you mixed messages.

Is your man alternating hot and cold? Does some days he seem like his loving self and then others he is crabby and distant and no fun to be with?

Unless your man has bi-polar disorder, a man who is playing up and down with his woman is a man no longer interested.

If a man wants something, particularly a woman, he will move heaven and earth to get it. If your man only wants you some days and not others then he isn ‘ t making any effort at all to keep you.

So, unless your man is always hot for you, let him go.

#3 – He gives you nothing.

Having a man who runs hot and cold can be very upsetting. Even worse, but harder to spot, is a man who gives you nothing.

Has your man stopped asking how you are doing? Has he stopped asking you out on dates or bringing home the groceries or including you in activities with his friends? Does he no longer listen when you talk or seem to care at all about what you think?

A man like this is a man who has nothing left to give to the woman he used to love.

Unfortunately, for many women, when they are trying to save a relationship that was once so promising, they become so obsessed with saving it that they don ‘ t notice how little of it still exists. They will talk more to fill in the silences left by the absence of questions. They will invite themselves along on outings they weren ‘ t invited to. They will plan things that the two of them can do together. As a result, women don ‘ t notice that their man has completely checked out.

So, take a moment and think about your relationship. What has your man done for you lately? If the list is short then it ‘ s time to let him go.

#4 – History keeps repeating itself.

Are you and your guy stuck in a cycle of good and bad, up and down, highs and lows? Are there days when things feel almost like they used to and then days when things are so bad that you want to cry?

Does your man tell you that he needs space and disappear only to reappear a few weeks later telling you how much he misses you?

If you find yourself in these kinds of patterns, where things are never constantly good but rather a roller coaster of emotions that is sucking you dry, then it ‘ s time to let go.

#5 – When you believe that you can never love again.

Be honest. Do you sometimes think that you just can ‘ t let this guy go because you believe if you do that you will never love, or be loved, again?

Do you think about going back on Match.com or that you might have to attend the Christmas party alone and feel nothing but dread at the prospect?

If you are feeling this way then it ‘ s definitely time to let go of your man. If you are staying with your guy because you are worried that there won ‘ t ever be someone else then you are staying with him for the wrong reasons.

Because there will be another love out there for you but you will never find him if you are stuck a relationship that isn ‘ t making you happy. If you can let go of this one then you will set yourself up, physically and energetically, to find that person who will love you forever.

I am guessing that you are reading this article because you suspect, deep down, that the relationship you are in isn ‘ t the one for you. But it ‘ s hard to admit this and even harder to let go.

It is essential, for your mental health and the health of your future love life, that you pay hard attention to whether it ‘ s time to let go of a lost love.

Is he treating you well? Is the love you feel for him healthy? Are you worried you will never love again?

Ask yourself these questions and, if the answers fit, be determined to let go of your lost love.

And just how do you do that? Check out this article: 5 Life Saving Ways to Let Go of Someone Who Doesn ‘ t Love You so that You Can Be Happy. It will guide you, step by step, through a process that might be difficult but that will be worth it in the long run.

You CAN do this!

Are you struggling with figuring out when to let go of love?
I know it’s really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

How To Deal With Emotional Overwhelm and Make it Through the Day

/1 Comment/by


How to deal with emotional overwhelm when it seems simply impossible that you can get through the day?

Our modern lives arechaotic, jam-packed and exhausting and it can be hard to make it through the day when you are feelingoverwhelmed. And, because it seems that every day is the same, it can be very hard to get ahead of it all.

It IS possible to get through those daysoverwhelming, exhausting days. All it takes is a little awareness and intention and you can do it!

Here are 5 ways to do so.

#1 – Make a list and prioritize.

When you are feeling overwhelmed and tired, just thinking aboutall of the things that needs to be done can shut you down for the day. And shutting you down for the day is definitely not what you need because that will only lead to more overwhelm tomorrow!

A big part of overwhelm is knowing that you have a ton to do and lots of places to be but not knowing what exactly they are. The unknown can be petrifying.

So, take a minute and make a list of everything that you think needs to be done today. Once you have a list, underline everything that REALLY needs to be done today. And then take those underlined items and prioritize what needs to be done first, second and third.

If you know exactly what needs to be done, and you can look at it in front of you, your overwhelm will immediately subside. A big piece of overwhelm is the result of just not knowing what needs to be done. Making a list lets you figure it out.

#2 – Take it one step at a time.

Once you have your list, and know your priorities, it ‘ s important tostart at the beginning. And take it one step at a time.

Another cause of overwhelm is that, in our heads, we jump too quickly ahead or start to visualize an end result that isn ‘ t what we want it to be and so we get derailed.

I have a client who was going through a divorce and needed to create a division of assets proposal to bring to mediation. She absolutely could not get it done and her deadline was getting closer and closer.

We talked it through and I learned that she was very intimidated by creating the proposal and a big reason was that she had no idea what she wanted. So, I suggested we start at the beginning.

First, we identified the pieces of the proposal that needed to be accounted for – an accurate budget, an inventory of joint assets, the division of said assets and a request for alimony.

Once we knew what she needed, we set out gathering information, starting with the budget.

Creating her proposal was easy once she had gathered her information.

Take each item on your list individually. And if something unexpected gets in the way of your list, don ‘ t give up. Handle it and then get back to your list and keep moving forward.

#3 – Do something for yourself.

A key part of surviving through exhaustion and overwhelm is to dosomething to take care of yourself. When we are at the end of our rope our tendency is to put ourselves on the back burner and everyone and everything ahead of us.

It ‘ s important that we take even just a little bit of time to do something for ourselves and recharge our batteries.

What would work for you? Perhaps it ‘ s a walk or a run, a mid-morning croissant snack, tea with a friend, a pedicure or even a massage. Whatever would work for you to make your day just a little more manageable. And ease the overwhelm.

#4 – Remember to eat and eat well.

When we are running around like crazy we tend to forget to eat. Or, if we do eat, we eat something that isn ‘ t good for us.

An important part of fighting overwhelm is to make sure that we eat well, food that will fuel our journey through the day.

What kind of food? Protein is the most important – eggs, nuts, chicken, cheese. Make sure to eat a good breakfast and lunch or, at the very least, keep some protein with you to snack on. A bag of almonds in the glove box can make a huge difference.

#5 – Take a cat nap.

I know you are laughing at the thought of fitting a nap into your crazy day but if you possibly can it will make a HUGE difference.

Cat naps are proven to increase your alertness, speed up your motor performance, improve your accuracy and decision making, reduce stress and boost your creativity.

I am the queen of the 20 minutes nap in the car. I pull over in the shade or sun, depending on the season, put my seat back and snooze for 20 minutes. When I wake up my energy levels are definitely up and I can get through the rest of my day.

So, try to make some time to snooze. It will be totally worth it!

This crazy modern life we lead makes it important that understand how to deal with emotional overwhelm so we can get through our day.

And, since tropical vacations aren ‘ t usually available to help us recharge, it ‘ s important that we do what we can do to get through the day.

So make a list, set your priorities and take care of yourself. If you can take care of yourself then you will better be able to take care of others. And get yourself through the day intact and ready for another one tomorrow.

You can do it!

Are you struggling with emotional overwhelm?
I know it’s really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

5 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Healthy When You Feel Your Guy Pulling Away

/by


Is your guy pulling away? Would you do anything to keep your relationship healthy and your guy right by your side?

In spite all of our best intentions, at some point or another in a relationship someone starts pulling away. The reasons why are many and varied but the reality is that, no matter what the cause, having someone you love pull away is incredibly painful. And causes tremendous anxiety.

Luckily, there are things that you can do to keep your relationship healthy even if your guy is pulling away, healthy enough so that you can find you way back to each other.

#1 – Give him some space.

Our first reaction when we feel our guy pulling away is to hang on tighter. Let me tell you, this NEVER works.

I have a client who was dating someone who asked for some time to figure some things out. What did she do? She tried to pull him in tighter. She was scared that she would lose him if she didn’t.

She wanted to be with him all the time and when she wasn ‘ t with him she would text him constantly, wondering where he was. She stalked him on social media to see what he was up to. She made sure that she would ‘ ˜just happen to run into him ‘ at the gym.

What happened? Not only did her guy pull away but he ran away. He needed some space to figure some things out and she didn ‘ t give it to him. Instead, she suffocated him. So, he left.

If your man needs some space, give it to him. Let him figure out whatever it is that he needs to figure out. And when he does, and he realizes that he misses you, come back he will.

#2 – Continue to be yourself.

One thing that many women do when their man starts to pull away from them is to stop being themselves. They figure that if they can just be super nice, not nag, not complain and bend over backwards to please their man then he will come back.

It doesn ‘ t work that way.

If your man is pulling away, it is essential that you continue to be yourself. Who you are is who your man fell in love with. He isn ‘ t going to stay in love some second-rate version of you, one who caters to his every whim.

So, continue to be your strong, independent self. Keep your relationship healthy by staying who you are. Continue being someone any man would want to come back to.

#3 – Don ‘ t make it all about you.

Men pull away from women in relationships for many different reasons. Sometimes it is because they are finding themselves not satisfied in a relationship and they want to get out. But, more often than not, they have their own thing going on and they want space to process it.

Unfortunately, when men do that women want to know exactly what is going on.

We assume that his actions are a reflection of us and our behaviors and we need to ‘ ˜talk ‘ about it. And talk and talk and talk about it. Or we become overly emotional and clingy and desperate to change things. And nothing drives a guy away faster than an overly emotional, clingy and desperate woman who wants to talk.

So, if your guy is pulling away, ask him directly if what he is processing has to do with you. Tell him that you want to know so that you don ‘ t have to wonder. If he says it IS about you, then you can start to work on that with him.

If, however, he tells you clearly that it ‘ s not about you, let it go. It ‘ s really not about you and all of the time sitting around ‘ ˜talking about it ‘ isn ‘ t going to change that.

Step away, let him process his stuff and know that when he figures it out he will come back to you. And by not taking it personally you will actually be a person he wants to come back to.

#4 – Assess whether you are happy in the relationship.

I remember so well when my last boyfriend started to pull away from me. It kind of came out of nowhere and I didn ‘ t understand it.

As soon as I felt him pulling away I set in to fix it. I became ultra-supportive and loving. I made his favorite dinners and went out with his friends, who I didn ‘ t really like. I worked really hard to be the person that he wanted to be in a relationship with. Or who I THOUGHT he wanted to be with.

And then, one day, it hit me. Did I want to be in a relationship with this guy? Was I clinging to him so that I could save our relationship or was I doing so because I didn ‘ t want to be ALONE??

Fortunately I realized before it was too late that I didn ‘ t want to be in a relationship with him. That I wanted out, even if I didn’t really want to be alone. So, I left him.

It ‘ s better to be the one leaving than the one left, so pay attention to how you REALLY feel about this guy!

#5 – Get on with your life.

For many of us, when we feel our man pulling away, we put our life on hold. We immerse ourselves in why our man is leaving us, why he doesn ‘ t want to be with us. We put our friends, our families and our work on hold just so that we can be there for him if he needs us.

This is a bad idea. If our man is pulling away it is even more important that we get on with our life, that we still be the person that we are. Because if you want your man to come back to you, you want to be the person who he wants to come back to.

So, sure you can continue to be there for your guy but don ‘ t sacrifice your life in the meantime. A one-sided relationship, where it ‘ s all about one person, is not a healthy relationship.

We woman are healers and fixers and we think that if we try hard enough we can save our man from himself. And, while that ‘ s a great idea, it just isn ‘ t true.

Make sure you give your guy his space, to figure out his issues on his own. Don ‘ t lose who you are or how you live your life, make sure you know what you want and don ‘ t make it all about you.

Make sure you maintain a healthy relationship, one that you both will chose to come back to.

You can do it!

Is your guy pulling away?
I know it’s really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

How To Organize Your Life When You Feel Overrun By Chaos

/1 Comment/by


Do you often wonder how to organize your life when you are feeling totally overwhelmed by it all?

Is the chaos that is your daily life become just too much to bear?

Let me help!

There ARE things that you can do to get the chaos under control and get things done ‘ ¦.

#1 – Take a few deep breaths.

When we are stressed out, the first thing that we do is we stopbreathing. Well, not literally stop breathing, because then we would die. But we do unconsciously hold our breath because of increased tension in the muscles used for breathing.

When you are feeling overwhelmed remember to breathe. Deep breaths into your belly in for 3 seconds and out for 3 seconds. Put your hand over your belly so that you can feel it filling up with air. Do this over and over until you feel a little calmer. Repeat throughout the day as necessary.

It will help you A LOT. I promise.

#2 – Identify the chaos.

One of the reasons it’s hard to think straight when you feel overwhelmed is that you don’t understand what isspecifically overwhelming you.

A client of mine was SO overwhelmed with her life. She found that she hadno energy to get anything done, she was aways yelling at her kids and she could barely stand being around her husband.

She figured that she was just too stressed out by her day-to-day living and she came to me to help her get more organized.

We talked for a bit and we were able to flesh out exactly what was overwhelming her. She had bills that needed to be paid but didn ‘ t know when. She had money coming in but didn ‘ t know how much. On top of that, there were a million little tasks that needed to get done and she wanted to exercise.

Her mind was just a jumble. She couldn ‘ t move forward.

The good thing was that once we identified what was overwhelming her we were able to start working on a solution.

#3 – Make a list.

An important part of getting things done is to keep a running list.

I used to recommend that clients get a small spiral bound notebook to write down things that need to be done as they think of them. So many of us remember things that need to get done while driving but then forget them by the time we get home. If you have a notebook with you at all times you can keep a running list. And if you have a bound notebook instead of a scrap of paper you are less likely to lose it!

Of course, many of my clients now like to keep their list on their phones. Whatever works for you!!

I had my client make a list of everything that needed to be done. She added to it as new things come and crossed things out that got done (a very satisfying thing indeed).

Just seeing all of her tasks written down on paper calmed her down because it wasn ‘ t all jumbled around in her brain but was there in front of her, clear as a bell.

#4 – Make a plan.

Once you have pinpointed the cause of the overwhelm and made a list of the tasks at hand, it is time to make aplan. Without a plan, the overwhelm usually doesn ‘ t just disappear. In fact, it often gets worse.

For my client, she knew that she had to pay her bills. We worked together to first figure out what was coming in when because understanding that she had some money helped relieve the anxiety around having to parcel it out.

Once we had figured out how much money she had, we built a calendar of what was coming in when and what was due when and then mapped out a plan to make sure everything was paid on time.

When she paid a bill she crossed that one off. When a new one came in she added it. Her bills were organized on her calendar, instead of jumbled in her brain, and they got paid!

#5 – Use a calendar and make a schedule.

The most important part of anorganized life is a calendar and aschedule.

I encouraged my client to sit down every Sunday night with her calendar and her list and charts out EVERYTHING that is happening in the week ahead.

What do I mean by everything?

  • Herworkschedule
  • Her kids ‘ schedule
  • Any appointments that her family might have
  • Time for herself
  • Time for her and her spouse
  • Time spent on social media
  • Things from her list
  • Anything else that might need to be accounted for

Once she makes her schedule, she underlines in RED those things that are priorities and cannot be moved.

As the week progresses, she looks at her calendar daily to adjust it as necessary but if something must get moved, it gets moved immediately so that it doesn ‘ t fall off her calendar and get forgotten.

She makes her calendar, she keeps it with her, she updates it regularly and makes it the blueprint of her life.

#6 – Get help.

It is essential for women overrun by chaos to get help where they need it.

Some women struggle with keeping the finances straight or cleaning the house or cooking dinner. If you need help, get it! Find someone to help you clean or cook or manage your money.

It ‘ s really okay to not do everything yourself.

If an accountant or a cleaning lady is not in your budget, figure out some other way to get help. Your partner and your kids are the most obvious first choices in the help department. They can all help with the cooking and the cleaning and maybe even the finances. They may complain but they CAN do it!

You can also call on your friends to support you and you can support them as well. When my kids were young, the moms all took turns after school taking the kids to various activities. Each of us committed 1 day a week to being the driver, leaving the other 4 days after school open for work or other things.

Either way, you DON ‘ T have to do everything yourself. Ask for help. You will be glad you did.

#7 – Follow through.

The most important part of making a plan is following through. Even the best laid plans don ‘ t work if you don ‘ t follow through.

I have a client who is constantly overwhelmed by her life. She can ‘ t keep her apartment clean, has a difficult time keeping appointments, struggles to do things that involve any planning and who would rather just stay in bed all day.

We made a plan for her to hire someone to clean her apartment once a week and to spend 10 minutes a day neatening up. She was so excited about the plan. And then she didn ‘ t do it. And her apartment stayed a mess. And she continued to be overwhelmed. And even more overwhelmed because she had let herself down by not doing it.

So make sure that you follow through on your plans to deal with your overwhelm. If you don ‘ t your overwhelm could actually truly overwhelm you and that will not be fun.

#8 – Take care of yourself.

More than anything, at the top of the list of how to organize your life when you are overrun by chaos is self-care.

Imagine that you have read the list above and are raring to go – to make a list, to create a plan, to get a calendar, and to get help. You are so excited to get it done and then ‘ ¦.you are so tired on Sunday that you spend the day in front of the TV instead and never get started.

Taking care of ourselves is a key to organizing our lives in the midst of chaos. It is important that we get enough sleep every night, eat a diet that includes at least some fresh fruits and vegetables and that we get at least a little aerobic exercise weekly. If you can add a massage or a pedicure in there even better.

In order to be able to think clearly and act efficiently we need to be healthy. These days it is almost badge of honor in our society to be so overworked that we are exhausted but don ‘ t kid yourself. That kind of living is unsustainable and will ultimately stop you short.

So, when you are building your calendar on Sunday night, make sure you make room in there to take care of yourself. If you don ‘ t, you could be doomed to fail.

Now that you know how to organize your life when the chaos is just too much, are you ready to change things up?

Take some deep breaths, RIGHT NOW. Clear your head and make your list. If that ‘ s all you can do, fine. Come back to that list tomorrow and make a plan, build a calendar and follow through.

You CAN DO IT!!!!

Are you struggling with organization?
I know it’s really, really frustrating. Let me help!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

6 Things To Help With Depression When You Simply Can’t Stay Down

/1 Comment/by


Are you looking for some things that you can do to help with depression when you simply can ‘ t stay down?

Do you have days where you wake up depressed and wonder how you are going to get through your day? Where you know that you have to function but you just don ‘ t know how?

There are things that you can do RIGHT NOW to bring yourself out of your depression if you really need to. Let me help!

#1 – Get some exercise.

One of the quickest and most effective ways to alleviate depression is getting some exercise.

Exercise produces endorphins, chemicals that elevate your mood. So, simply put, it ‘ s mighty difficult to be depressed when endorphins are racing through your body.

And don ‘ t think that you have to go for a long run or hit the gym (although you certainly can). Research shows that all it takes is 30 minutes of exercise that raises your heart rate to get those endorphins raging.

So go for a walk, dance around your living room, play with your kids. Whatever you can do get that heart rate elevated and those endorphins activated.

#2 – Eat a good breakfast.

I know. Eating when you are depressed can seem almost impossible. But eating a healthy, protein filled breakfast is an excellent way to elevate your mood.

Seratonin, another chemical mood enhancer, is produced by the breakdown of proteins in the body. Eating a protein rich breakfast will, like exercise, produce chemicals in your body that alleviate depression.

So make yourself some eggs for breakfast. Or maybe some yogurt with fruit and nuts. Perhaps a chia seed pudding. Even cereal with milk will give you a good protein and serotonin boost first thing in the morning to get you on your way.

#3 – Have sex.

There are two things that happen when you have sex. The first is that you feel emotionally connected to someone and the second is that your orgasm generates all sorts of feel good chemicals – chemicals that once again counteract that depressed feeling.

The other thing that happens is that sex keeps your mind off your depression and an excellent way to get rid of depression is to ignore it completely. Without your attention depression tends to slink away, unhappy that it isn’t occupying your every thought.

So have sex. You will be glad you did!

#4 – Schedule a coffee with a friend

I know that when you are feeling depressed, getting out and talking with someone, anyone, seems daunting. But it has been proven that spending time with loved ones elevates one ‘ s mood every time.

When we spend time with friends, the love and laughter that we share trigger those feel good chemicals, dopamine and serotonin. So just by interacting with someone, sharing words and thoughts and laughs, you can raise your mood.

#5 – Smile.

Did you know that the act of smiling actually elevates one ‘ s mood?

The act of smiling, of your muscles working together to turn your mouth upwards, activates the release of those mood enhancing chemicals – dopamine, endorphins and serotonin. Once again, your body will be flooded with things that will reduce your depression immediately.

#6 – Do something nice for someone else.

An excellent way to lift your depression is to do something nice for someone else.

This world that we live in can be a very challenging place, with people rushing around with their own agendas, caught up in their worries. You are probably that way too.

So think about what it feels like when someone does something nice for you.

How about that gentleman who opened the door for you? Or the barista who put an extra shot in your cup, no charge. Or the lady who ushered you forward in the grocery line because you only had one item. Didn ‘ t those small things make you feel great?

Do those kind of small things for someone else. Make someone else ‘ s life a better place. By doing so, you will once again activate those feel good chemicals in your body, ones that will wash that depression away.

So you see there ARE things that you can do to help get rid of depression when you simply can ‘ t be down.

Get some exercise, eat well, fool around, hang out with friends, smile and help others. All of those things will take you outside of yourself and make you feel better.

You CAN DO IT!

Author ‘ s note: If your depression doesn ‘ t get lifted, or comes back, it is essential that you see your primary care doctor right away, to make sure that it doesn ‘ t get worse and so that you can be happy.

What Are Healthy Relationship Boundaries and How Do I Get Them?

/2 Comments/by


Have you been told that you need to develop some healthy relationship boundaries?

Are you eager to do so but do you have no idea where to start?

Let me help!

To understand healthy relationship boundaries look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds your life together. They hold your food and your bed and your possessions and it ‘ s where you live your life.

Healthy relationship boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your relationship as it grows. To have a healthy relationship, one that can grow and be fruitful, it is important that it has structures, boundaries, that support it.

Healthy relationship boundaries come in many shapes, sizes and colors. Really, it ‘ s important for each couple to decide what works for them. But there are a few boundaries that are essential for every healthy relationship.

#1 – Don ‘ t let one person be in charge.

In many relationships it happens that at some point one person becomes the one calling the shots. And while this seems to work on one level, ultimately the relationship will become uneven. And when things are uneven a relationship changes.

So make an effort to keep the decision making even in the relationship. If you are good at organizing your social life then do that but give him opportunity to choose events. If he is good at managing the finances let him do that but continue to have input into where the money goes and why.

Letting your relationship become uneven allows it to slip into a sort of parent/child dynamic, where one person is in charge and the other does as they are told. Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you?

Not so much.

#2 – Respect each other.

One of the biggest romance killers in a relationship is lack of respect and contempt.

The saying ‘ ˜familiarity breeds contempt ‘ is an accurate one and something that happens in many committed relationships.

It is important in every relationship that you each respect each other. Respect each other within the confines of your relationship by speaking to each other honestly, sharing your feelings and needs in an open way. By not attacking each other personally and criticizing each other ‘ s behaviors and actions.

Furthermore, it ‘ s important to not criticize your partner out in the world. The general rule of thumb is that you not tell something about your partner to anyone that you haven ‘ t already shared with your partner.

When I was married, I talked to my friends WAY more about the problems in my marriage than I did to my husband. This didn ‘ t do our relationship any good because we weren ‘ tcommunicatingand giving our relationship a chance to improve. And when we were together I treated my husband with contempt because I no longer respected him.

I am no longer married.

So make sure you treat each other with respect, both inside and outside the relationship.

#3 – Don ‘ t lose yourselves.

So many women, when they are in a relationship, become less of themselves.

Many women take on their partner ‘ s friendships, their hobbies and their ways of doing things.

It is VERY important that all womenstay themselveswhen in a relationship.

Why? Because every healthy relationship is based on truth and if you are anything other than your true self your relationship will never be really healthy.

It is also important that you continue to respect yourself and you will respect yourself by being yourself. By continuing to have your friends, to do your own hobbies, to have a career that you love and a healthy lifestyle that serves you, you will wake up every day feeling good about yourself.

And when you feel good about yourself your partner will love you even more because he knows you are being your true self, someone who is ambitious and smart and willing to take risks to get what she wants.

So be yourself in your relationship. Ahealthy relationshiprequires it.

#4 – Spend time apart.

When they are falling in love, couples want to spend every available minute together. The feelings that accompany falling in love are addictive and hard to walk away from even for a short while.

It is important, however, that you spend time apart from the one you love.

You know the old saying ‘ ˜absence makes the heart grow fonder? ‘ It ‘ s true!

Think about how you feel when you go on a diet. How you can ‘ t eat ice cream for a month while you lose those 5 pounds and, man, do you miss your ice cream. It ‘ s the same thing in a relationship. Stepping away from your partner, even for a bit, makes you both notice the void that is created in his or her absence.

And then the heart grows fonder.

So spend some time apart. Miss each other. Value each other. Keep that spark alive.

#5 – Be flexible.

I have a client who recently bought a house for herself and her boyfriend moved in with her. Right away they had issues because it was her house and she wanted to do things her way and that just wasn ‘ t okay with him.

It is important that everyone be flexible in a relationship. Just like you would at work or with your family, it is important to work with your partner so that you can both live a life that is authentic to you.

You know the phrase ‘ My way or the highway? ‘ That phrase has no place in any healthy relationship.

So embrace flexibility. Choose the things that are important to you and stay true to them but be willing to see what might be important to your man and work with him so that you both can live a life that makes you happy. Together and apart.

Examining what are healthy relationship boundaries is an excellent way to ensure that you have a good strong relationship that will last forever.

Relationships are built from two people who have two separate lives and two separate ways of living. It is important that the couple build a new life together. A new life with four walls that will keep it safe and strong.

So don ‘ t let one of you be in charge, respect each other, like yourself, spend time apart and be flexible.

Talk to your partner and build your house from a place of love and beauty and self-confidence, one that will be strong enough to stand the test of time and allow your relationship to be a healthy one.

You can do it!

5 Reasons Career Success Begins With Communication Skills

/by


Is career success incredibly important to you? Do you want to learn what skills are necessary to have the most success in your chosen field?

Well, let me tell you. The MOST important skill for career success is COMMUNICATION.

It is true!

Career coaches believe that career success begins withcommunication skills, the ability to write and speak in a way that is clear, concise, easily understood and honest.

How will great communication skills allow you to achieve the success you desire?

#1 – Finding a job will be easier.

The first step in achieving career success is finding a job! And having excellent communication skills makes finding a job much easier.

Networking is a big part of looking for a job and if you are the kind of person who can put themselves out there, who can talk to people, listen, share and connect then you will be the kind of person someone would want to hire and the kind of person someone would recommend for a job.

Your resume is a very important piece of the job application process and without an exceptional, well written, well thought out resume you will not come across on paper as a superior candidate. Even someone with a shortage of skill sets can use words to enhance their job experience description, making a potential employer more likely to grant them an interview.

And then there is the interview – the most important part of the job search experience. Once you get in the door this is your chance to shine, to show them who you are. And unless you can look them in the eye, express yourself well, be interesting and funny and smart, then you may as well not even bother.

The ability to connect with people, both in writing and in spoken word, is an essential part of the getting the job you want.

#2 – Your co-workers will trust you.

Once you have that job, it ‘ s essential that you not rest on your laurels. Your work is important but what is a key part of career success is your relationship with your co-workers.

Think about that person who comes into work, goes right to their desk without speaking to anyone, who is disruptive in meetings and crabby about their work? Is that the kind of person who inspires confidence in others? Is that the kind of person you would want to have on your team?

So, make a huge effort to be personable in your office space. Be kind to your co-workers, listen to what they have to say, take interest in their families and ask them questions about their ideas.

Treat your co-workers the way you would want to be treated and earn their trust and respect. It will get you far.

#3 – Your great ideas will get out there.

Ok, let ‘ s say that you have a great idea. A revolutionary idea that could change the way that your company works. One that, if implemented correctly, could mean that your career would skyrocket.

Imagine if this great idea is stuck in your head, waiting to be expressed, but that you just can ‘ t get it down on paper. You try to write a proposal to your boss and you can ‘ t articulate it clearly and he refuses to consider it. Or you approach a co-worker for their support and the way you phrase things confuses them and they refuse to help.

If you have excellent verbal and written skills you will have a great tool in hand to forward your ideas and achieve great career success.

#4 – You will advocate for yourself.

So. let ‘ s say that you have been working your butt off. Your co-workers love and trust you and your ideas are changing the corporate culture. You know that you deserve a raise. But you don ‘ t know how to ask for one.

Or perhaps let ‘ s say you are struggling with a co-worker and you want your manager to help you work through it because you know that if the matter can be resolved it would be better for everybody. But you have no idea how to talk to you manager in such a way that will let her see that you want to make things better.

People who have excellent communication skills know how to speak up for themselves. They know how to resolve conflict, how to let others know what they are worth and how to make sure that they get the recognition that they deserve.

Every well-spoken woman who I know who has walked into her boss ‘ office with a well thought out rationale for why they deserve a raise has gotten one. Because she asked for it!

#5 – You will zoom up the corporate ladder.

People who have excellent communication skills have a huge advantage over people who do not.

In my first management position the time came for us to write our direct reports ‘ yearly reviews. We all labored over them for hours, knowing that our boss would review them before passing them up to HR.

I was nervous because this was my first time round but I needn ‘ t have been. My boss told me that my written skills were incredibly impressive and that, really, he needed to me to change very little. That what I had written was good enough to be sent up to HR as is. And then he asked me if I would work with another manager to help them phrase things more clearly.

By the end of that season, when my boss moved upward, I followed, into his old job. It was, in large part, due to the fact that I could express myself clearly, both in written and spoken word, and everyone noticed.

Finding success in our chosen career is the goal.

For me, every day I have to use my verbal skills to speak with my clients and my written words to follow up with inspirational emails and to write blogs that people will want to read and learn from.

I know many coaches who struggle with both of these things and I know that I am successful, in large part, to having those strengths.

So, if you aren ‘ t sure about your communication skills, find someone who can help you develop them. A life coach is a great place to start. You could also enroll in writing courses at the local community college. Or take part in Toastmasters to learn about public speaking.

Reaching for the stars in your career is admirable. Make sure that you have the tools that you need to get you there and get you there fast.

You can do it!

How To Stop Feeling Depressed (Without Medication)

/by


Are you wondering how to stop feeling depressed without medication?

Have you been feeling sad and overwhelmed recently and, while you want it to go away, you aren ‘ t quite ready to consider medication?

It IS POSSIBLE to stop feeling depressed without medication but first let me tell you a little bit about depression.

There are two basic types of depression: situational depression and chemical depression.

Situational depression is the result of things that are happening in your life. Perhaps a family member died or you are very unhappy at work or maybe you are going through a divorce.

All of these ‘ ˜situations ‘ can lead to feelings of sadness and overwhelm. And, in most cases, situational depression can be dealt with without medication.

Chemical depression is a whole different thing. People who are chemically depressed have brain chemistry that is slightly off, off enough to affect their mood. Chemical depression can be caused by genetics and traumatic events, among other things. Chemical depression is very hard to treat without medication and will not just go away. Chemical depression also tends to get worse the longer it goes untreated.

So, before you read this article, ask yourself what kind of depressed are you? For more information on the difference, check out this article.

If you are situationally depressed then read on. If you are chemically depressed then this articlemight be better for you.

So how DO you stop situational depression without medication?

#1 – Get your thyroid and your Vitamin D levels checked.

Many of my clients first come to me because they are feeling depressed. Without exception, as part of our work together, I ask that they see their primary care doctor and have their thyroid and Vitamin D levels checked.

Many women who are depressed, and many who aren ‘ t, have thyroid issues. Your thyroid is the body’s regulator so it ‘ s important to get your thyroid checked regularly to keep your body running properly. An under-active thyroid can lead to depression so if you are feeling depressed it ‘ s a good thing to check out.

Vitamin D is a vitamin that we can only get from two places: fortified milk and the sunlight. And for many of us who live in the USA, and those of us who use sunscreen, we just don ‘ t get enough sunlight. As a result, our levels of Vitamin D are low and low vitamin D levels can lead to depression.

Fortunately, both thyroid and Vitamin D levels can be checked with a simple blood test so get to your doctor right away to have that done!

#2 – Get motivated.

One of the viscious circles about depression is that when we are depressed our productivity lags. The prospect of cleaning the house or doing work or driving to see our mother fills us with such an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and dread that we just don ‘ t want to do it.

So we don ‘ t. And it makes us feel bad about ourselves and then we get even more depressed.

One of the best antidotes for depression is being productive. There is nothing like getting up off the couch and getting something done that can raise one ‘ s spirits.

I know. The idea just kills you doesn ‘ t it. Does it seem impossible?

If yes, start small! Perhaps you can get up off the couch and clean your coffee mug. Or you can stay on the couch and organize your coffee table. Something little that will make you feel productive and therefore better about yourself.

And you just might find that, if you start small and get that little thing done, you will be inspired to go bigger. And going bigger just might be what you need to kick that depression to the curb.

#3 – Get your heart rate up.

Getting your heart rate up is a proven way to stop depression in it ‘ s tracks.

When you exercise, and get your heart rate up, your body produces dopamine, a natural anti-depressant. The dopamine usually lasts for about 5 hours and has a significant lightening affect on the mood.

Furthermore, if you exercise instead of sitting on the couch eating ice cream, you will get and/or stay fit which is also a good antidote for depression. Nothing like feeling good about yourself in that new pair of jeans to lift the sadness clear away.

So get out and get your heart rate up. Walking for 15 minutes is a good place to start, working your way up to 30 minutes and beyond. Or you can ride your bike. Or walk your dog. Or have sex. Whatever you like to do to get your heart racing.

Orgasms, BTW, are an excellent producer of dopamine so having those as often as possible when you are depressed is always a good idea.

#4 – Get out of the house.

Another key signifier of depression is the tendency to isolate.

For people who are depressed, the prospect of getting out of the house to spend time with people is incredibly daunting. Way more attractive is the idea of staying home, in your pjs, binge watching UnReal. Which, yes, is fun but which most likely won ‘ t lift your depression.

So pick up the phone and call some friends. Make some plans to go out and do something. Anything. Being with friends, smiling, laughing and being distracted from your troubles, is an excellent way to deal with situational depression.

It ‘ s hard to be depressed when you are laughing.

#5 – Get help!

A key part of dealing with depression is knowing that you don ‘ t have to deal with it alone. There are tons of resources out there for people living with depression, either situational or chemical.

Seeing therapist or a life coach can be very helpful. A therapist will help you work through your feelings about what is going on in your and a life coach will help you be more productive and maybe find that new job!

Seeing your primary care doctor is always a good idea. They can give you a full medical workup and confirm that there is nothing physical that is causing your sadness.

Holistic healers can be helpful too. Chiropractors, acupuncturists, herbalists, cranial sacral workers, massage therapist and many others are excellent resources for dealing with depression.

And last, but not least by far, are your friends and family. Going it alone when you are depressed is not a good idea. You don ‘ t need to broadcast how you are feeling to the world but having one person who knows that you are struggling is wise. That person can keep an eye on you, to see if matters worsen and to be there should you need help or a friendly ear.

If you are depressed reach out for help right now. You don ‘ t have to go this alone.

There are ways to stop feeling depressed without medication.

It is important, however, that you seriously consider what type of depression you might have before you try to deal with it. What works for situational depression doesn ‘ t work for chemical depression and vice versa.

So, if you are situationally depressed, follow my steps above. Get your thyroid and Vitamin D levels checked, get motivated and be productive, get some exercise, get out of the house and get some help. Hopefully, following this protocol will help you deal with your depression so that life can go on!

If you are chemically depressed it ‘ s essential that you reach out to your primary care doctor immediately and let her help you deal with your depression. Chemical depression that goes untreated will only get worse.

Good luck! You can do it!

 

 

5 Life Saving Ways of Letting Go of Someone Who Doesn’t Love You So That You Can Be Happy

/72 Comments/by

 

Are you thinking about letting go of someone who doesn ‘ t love you?

Have you been hoping that your situation would change and that he would start loving you and that you would live happily ever after?

First of all, let me say that I am SO SORRY that you have to go through this. There is nothing worse than a broken heart. But let me also say GOOD FOR YOU for recognizing the truth and making this big move.

There is someone out there for you and by letting go of the person you are with now you will be able to find him.

But for now, let ‘ s talk about how to let go of someone who doesn ‘ t love you.

#1 – Ask yourself how determined you are to do this.

Before you begin any life changing process you must ask yourself how determined you are to actually do it. On a scale of 1-10 how close to a 10 are you? Because withoutsteadfast determinationyou will not be able to accomplish something as challenging as getting past a lost love.

So are you ready to do this? Is there any part of you that is holding on to the possibility that things could work out? Do you feel like you aren ‘ t strong enough to do this yet?

If the answer to any of these questions is ayesthen perhaps you should wait a bit longer before you begin this process. Time is a great healer and with some time you will get stronger and be ready to take on this challenging task.

#2 – Make three lists and refer to them often.

List #1: How do you know that he doesn ‘ t love you?

There are reasons why you feel like he doesn ‘ t love you.

Perhaps he no longer makes an effort to spend time with you. Or he doesn ‘ t return your text messages. Or when you are going to bed he just rolls over and turns off the light without kissing you.

Or perhaps he tells you that he doesn ‘ t like or respect you, even as he lets you buy him that new bike or a fancy meal.

You know what I am talking about. Those things in your gut that are telling you that this relationship is wrong. Those things you are ignoring ‘ ¦

List #2: What are you kidding yourself about?

Are there some things that you are doing to talk yourself out of the fact that he doesn ‘ t love you?

Do you think that if you just do this ONE thing he will start loving you again? Or perhaps you wonder how could he not love you because you know you are awesome?

I have a client who just doesn ‘ t get that her man doesn ‘ t love her. He isn ‘ t brave enough to break up with her and just treats her badly. She truly believes that he should love her and that if she just holds on long enough he will know that too. And every day she debases herself by doing his bidding and, surprise, he still doesn ‘ t love her.

Take a true accounting of those things that you are doing to justify staying in this relationship and take a good hard look at them. Without understanding them, you won ‘ t be able to let him go.

List #3: What do you want in a relationship?

If you don ‘ t know what you want in a relationship then you will most definitely be more likely to stay in one that isn ‘ t serving you.

Take some time and write down what you want in a relationship. Most likely you will find that what is important to you isn ‘ t present in your current relationship.

Once you have made your lists, refer to them often.

When we are in the midst of emotional turmoil our brains get cloudy and we can ‘ t think clearly. If you have lists in front of you, lists that can remind you of why you have to break up with this person, you will be able to stay steadfast in your determination to get it done!

#3 – Cut him off.

I know that we all think that we need ‘ closure ‘ at the end of a relationship, that final conversation where everyone gets to say what they want to say and you understand each other and walk away as friends.

I am here to tell you that closure is a myth. What closure really is is one last chance to spend time with and talk to that person you still love. Because really, if you could have a conversation and finally understand each other why couldn ‘ t you make it work as a couple?

So when you have decided that the relationship is over cut him off. Block him on your phone, disconnect on social media, stay away from places where you know he will be.

Why? Because what you need to do is break the addiction you have to this person, to change your habits.

Think about Oreo cookies. You know how hard it is to eat just one? It ‘ s the same with your man. Even one point of contact can draw you back into his circle, the circle that you have decided that you are determined to break yourself out of.

So gono contactright away. It will make the process way easier!

#4 – Believe that you will find another love.

I find this to be the number one obstacle to my clients breaking up with someone who doesn ‘ t love them.

Almost without exception, people who are in relationships that aren ‘ t making them happy don ‘ t try to get out of them because they believe that there will never be another person for them. That if they break up with this person they will be alone forever!

But that just isn ‘ t true. There are many, many fish in the sea and there is one for you.

Of course, if you never have a chance to go fishing, because you are still with this idiot who doesn ‘ t love you then you, won ‘ t find that person. But if you can be brave enough to act, and break up with the idiot, then you will be setting yourself up for finding the love of your life.

A client of mine was in a horrible relationship, one that made her feel horrible about herself. She kept on breaking up with up with her guy and then taking him back. And then one day, after another break up, she was invited to a dance party. At that dance party, which she never would have gone to if she had still been dating bozo guy, she met the love of her life. How awesome is that!

#5 – Get back out there!

I know that right now you feel like you might never love again but putting yourself back out there doesn ‘ t mean you have to fall in love. Putting yourself back out there means that you get dressed up and flirt and date and have a lot of fun. And you will, you WILL, find another love but in the meantime you can enjoy yourself and the freedom that you have as a single girl. Embrace it!

Letting go of someone who doesn ‘ t love you is an incredibly hard thing to do.

You are holding onto the feelings that you had for each other in the beginning, the feelings of excitement about the future that you shared. You want them to come back and for him to love you and that all will be fine.

But you know, in your gut, that that isn ‘ t going to happen. So TAKE ACTION.

Get determined, identify exactly why you are breaking up, cut off all contact with him, believe that your next love is out there and then get out there and find him.

The next short period of time will be painful. Saying goodbye to someone always is. But once you are through it life will go on and you will be in a place to find that guy who will love you, forever.

And you will be happy!

How great would it feel to work through this pain and move on, quickly?

I have created a course, 4 Weeks to Letting Go of Love and Moving On

that will help you do exactly that!

Check it out here!

 

9 Ways To Organize Your Life When You Have ADD

/2 Comments/by


Are you looking for ways to organize your life when you have ADD?

Living with ADD can be incredibly difficult but it IS POSSIBLE to live with ADD and be successful and happy and organized.

My daughter just graduated from NYU ‘ s prestigious Tisch School of Arts with a degree in film. She hasstruggled with ADD her whole life. She couldn ‘ t stay focused in school, had a rough time keeping friends, and was prone to bouts of depression and anxiety. She is now a film maker, a production designer and a writer of screenplays and she is the go-to person for all of her many friends. She still wrestles with her ADD but it does not get the best of her.

I asked her how it was that she was able to manage her ADD to get what she wanted in her life. Here is what she told me.

#1 – Do what you love.

She says that first and foremost she is successful because she is doing what she loves and that she is super ambitious to succeed.

She says that if she didn ‘ t have a passion for her work it would have been way easier to succumb to letting go of her life, to getting overwhelmed by the piles and to being defeated because everyone seems to manage so much better than she does.

In fact, happiness and joy in adults leads to positive emotions like optimism, the ability to reach out to others, a feeling of being at least somewhat in control of your life, and a can-do attitude coupled with a want-to attitude.

So make sure that you are pursuing something that you hare passionate about. Your passion will drive you forward.

#2 – Be positive.

An important part of getting yourself organized when living with ADD is to believe that you can.

When it seems that everyone else around you can manage things so much better than you it is daunting to believe that you can ever live successfully. But you CAN.

My daughter did it and so can you!

#3 – Get yourself organized enough.

No matter how many websites you visit that promise to teach you how to be organized, you most likely will never have the picture perfect filing system that you see on Pinterest.

What you CAN have is an organizing system that works well enough for you.

What do you most need to keep track of?

  • Your keys? Put a basket by the door and leave your keys there when you get home.
  • Your trash? Buy lots of wastebaskets and put them everywhere and USE THEM.
  • Your piles? Build some time into every day to attack your piles to keep them from getting too big.
  • Remembering things? Keep a running list, in a bound notebook, of things that need to get done. (No loose pieces of paper) Also, leave visual reminders around the house – think Post-it notes on the mirror, fridge and back door.

Create a few systems that work for YOU – to manage the things that you need to manage.

#4 – Be willing to ask for help.

People with ADD are notoriously bad at asking for help. They really want to be able to do everything themselves and the prospect of asking for help seems like failure to them.

But there are some things that you just can ‘ t do by yourself and it ‘ s okay to find someone who can help you with them or who can do them for you.

My daughter, the filmmaker, found that she had a really hard time managing all of the details around making her films. Her best friend, however, thrives on details. So they work together, as director and producer, and the films get made with less emotional wear and tear on my daughter.

Who do you need to help you? A housekeeper? A financial manager? A personal assistant? Figure it out (or ask someone to help you figure it out) and get some help.

If finances limit your ability to get help, consider bartering. There are things that you are good at, things that others aren ‘ t, so offer a trade. You will both win in the end!

#5 – Take care of yourself.

Taking care of yourself is an essential part of managing ADD. Sleep, exercise and diet can make a huge difference in living successfully.

Specifically, it is important that someone with ADD get enough sleep. Enough sleep will allow your brain to function at it ‘ s optimum level.

Get 30 minutes of exercise every day, ideally exercise that raises your heart beat. Exercise produces chemicals that allow your brain to think clearer.

Eating well is also important. Make sure that you have a varied diet, big on protein and vegetables, foods that feed your brain and help it function. Taking an Omega 3 supplement daily has also been shown to help with improved brain clarity.

If you are going to do only one thing on this list, taking care of yourself is IT. So make sure you do so. Start TODAY!

#6 – Consider medication.

80% of people with ADD respond well to medication so definitely consider them as a part of your management protocol.

There are many different kinds of ADD meds so consult with your primary care doctor about what might be right for you.

#7 – Surround yourself with positive people.

People with ADD often struggle with depression because living with ADD can be very difficult and disheartening.

To that end, people with ADD can tend to isolate and really that ‘ s the worst thing that you can do.

It is important that people with ADD surround themselves with positive supportive people, people who love and embrace you in spite of your difficulties. Being with people who don ‘ t get you and who might look down on you is not what you want to be doing.

It is also essential that you have one person in your life who you trust completely and who you will LISTEN TO. Someone who knows you and who you can rely on to tell you the truth when they see something that is going on. People with ADD and depression sometimes miss when things go awry. Having someone there who notices, and tells you, is key.

#8 – Exercise your brain.

People with ADD have brains that can sometimes wander off without them, leaving them frustrated and feeling alone.

It is possible to take control of your brain, to teach it to behave in a way that serves you best.

Some good ways to gain some control over that wandering brain of yours:

  • Yoga – yoga helps you use the breath to manage your thoughts.
  • Meditation – meditation also helps you manage your thoughts and gives you increased control over how your brain processes work.
  • Cognitive Behavioral therapy – a sort of therapy that again helps you manage your thoughts and your brain functionality.
  • Positive thinking – focusing on the positive instead of the negative is a key part of living successfully with ADD. Focus on what ‘ s RIGHT in your life instead of what’s WRONG.
  • Accepting yourself – know that this is who you are and that it ‘ s just fine. It ‘ s more than fine, actually!

#9 – Reduce electronics.

I know you don ‘ t want to hear this one but it ‘ s gotta be said.

Our increasing use of electronics, and our using multiple electronic devices at the same time, is making it so that our brains are having a harder and harder time focusing.

I watch my daughter as she tries to work. No sooner does she settle in when an alert goes off on her phone. She picks it up to attend to it and then gets back to work. For about 20 seconds. And then her phone goes off again.

And THEN, something comes across her Facebook page that needs to be dealt with immediately and before she knows it an hour has passed with no work done.

SO, if you need to get some stuff done PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY. It doesn ‘ t have to be forever. Set your timer for a set period of time (perhaps an hour) and focus on what has to be done for that period of time. When the timer goes off you can tend to your phone again.

Trying to organize your life when you have ADD can be very challenging but it ‘ s not impossible.

Many, many people live successfully with ADD. Will Smith, Justin Timberlake, Jim Carrey, billionaire Richard Branson, Solange Knowles and Michael Phelps all have found great success living with ADD. You can too!

So find your passion, believe in yourself, surround yourself with good people and ask for help. Exercise and nourish both your body and your mind.

Next month my daughter has the first staging of a play that she is directing. I think back often to 2nd grade when her teacher wouldn ‘ t even show me her workbooks because she was such a mess. She, and I, have learned since then that while her brain isn ‘ t so great with workbooks it can easily see just how to pull together people and ideas to create an amazing work of art.

You can too! Go for it!

Connect with Mitzi

© Copyright 2024 – Let Your Dreams Begin