5 Things You Should Know about Having an Affair if You are Considering Having One

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So, you are thinking about having an affair.

You didn ‘ t go looking to have one but you have met a certain someone who rocks your world. The feelings you have for him are like none you have ever had before so it would be wrong to deny those feelings. Right?

Sound familiar?

To the uninitiated, having an affair is all about the sex. Don ‘ t get me wrong. Affairs ARE about sex. Wonderful, illicit, mind-blowing sex. But they are also about so much more.

What else, you ask?

Hold on, because what you are about to read might surprise you.

#1 – It will wake you up in a big way.

Affairs don ‘ t happen in a void. People who have affairs are often stuck in long-term, unhappy relationships. Sex is nonexistent, communication has broken down and love is dead.

Then, out of nowhere, someone new appears and changes everything.

I have a client who thought her life was fine. She wasn ‘ t happy but she didn ‘ t feel like the absence of love and sex was important to her. She had her kids and her friends and her work and, really, what else could a 40-year-old want?

Until she met him… and he totally got her! They could spend hours talking about everything and understood each other perfectly. He thought she was beautiful and told her so every text he sent her. Just thinking about him got her body tingling. And when they ultimately had sex. Boom!

She had been sleepwalking for years. Getting older every day, just being fine. No longer. She was awake. Every single-bitty part of her was wide awake.

#2 – You will have the best sex of your life.

Affair sex is sex of the likes of which you have never had before in your life. It’s better than anything you could ever imagine.

Affair sex is a drug ‘ ” a highly addictive, legal, potentially lethal drug. And once you have a hit, there is no going back.

Why?

Emotional connection marks the beginning of affairs, ones that can be months or years in the making. And that kind of extended emotional foreplay can only lead to intense sexual connection. Certainly, more intense than anything you have had recently or ever.

The sex is illicit. No matter how old we are, doing things that we aren ‘ t supposed to do is fun. I know someone who perfected the art of having sex in the pantry. No sheets needed to be changed and there were lots of fun walls and doors to be put to full use. The experimentation was the best part.

And then there are the orgasms. Our lives are dull, routine, chaotic, and jam-packed. The dopamine high from an orgasmcan last more than 5 hours. Imagine how much better grocery shopping or conference calls are when you are experiencing an orgasm high as well.

Once you have had affair sex, it ‘ s virtually impossible to stop. And this is why people can ‘ t walk away from it and they risk everything to have it. Everything.

#3 – You will be broken down into a million little pieces.

Affairs at the beginning are more exciting than anything you could ever have imagined. And then, not so much.

One of my clients had an affair with a stay-at-home dad. They had known each other for years and, one day, she needed him and he was there for her. Everything changed.

There was a new electricity between them that was addictive. And try as they might to not let it get physical, it did. It did over and over and over again. It was so much better than married people sex and neither one of them could get enough of it.

Soon the addiction of their affair started disrupting their lives. They would show up late to school functions because they had been squeezing in a quickie. Or they would manufacture late-night runs to the grocery store to spend time together.

Their relationships with their friends, at work, with their children and, of course, with their spouses suffered.

They tried to break it off. They knew the destruction it was causing. But, they just couldn ‘ t let go of the way that they felt when they were together.

My client hated herself. The tug of war between the emotional, sexual woman who she was in the throes of the affair and the person she was as a wife and a mother was killing her. She lost 20 pounds, stopped sleeping, cut off her friends, and ultimately had a nervous breakdown.

The thing that started off so magically almost killed her.

#4 – It will be almost impossible to walk away.

Many people enter into affairs thinking that it will be brief thing. ‘ ˜We will just have sex once and that will be it ‘ is often the thought process.

Unfortunately, once you have started an affair it is almost impossible to walk away from it. Once you have sex with another man, once you have crossed that threshold, there will be no turning back.

The person who you are in the affair, the one who is loved and loving, who is having great sex, who is appreciated and taken care of, the one who feels alive for the first time in years, will do anything to not have to go back to being the person they were before.

As a result, affairs often last until someone is caught because breaking away is virtually impossible. You might succeed for a few weeks or months but staying away is very hard. Personally, I don ‘ t know anyone who has succeeded, unless they are caught, and even then it’s very difficult.

#5 – It will change your life in a big way, in more ways than one.

When someone finally starts noticing who they are in the world, they start recognizing not only the need for a big change.

A client of mine had been miserable in her marriage for a long time. She tells the story about the first time a friend told her to leave her husband as they were driving their sons home from preschool. Their sons are now sophomores in college.

She fell madly in love ‘ ” and lust ‘ ” with a man she worked with. She went through the incredible highs, sure she had found the love of her life, and then, ultimately, she crashed and burned because that great love turned out to be just another man. Before she knew it, she had lost a year of her life and of her children ‘ s life. She was wrecked.

She did see, at the end of that year, having lived through the joys and the pain of love, lust, and deep emotion, that she had to leave her husband. The words that wouldn ‘ t come out of her mouth for 20 years came out readily ‘ ” and with conviction.

She knew that she would die, literally and figuratively, if she didn ‘ t get rid of the toxic men in her life and start building a life that would feed her soul. Her affair, and it ‘ s after-effects, gave her the power to do that.

If you are considering having an affair, think carefully before you do.

While affairs seem like they are all about sex, they are so much more. They will build you up and then tear you down in a way you could never have imagined.

You will become addicted to and obsessed with your affair in a way you have never been obsessed before.

Your affair will, in more ways than one, change your life forever.

So, tread lightly, my friend, and be careful. I know he seems like your soulmate but really, he is just another man. Do you want to risk your life for him?

Are you considering having an affair?
Think it through first and let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

What It Means When You Wake Up Feeling Depressed For No Reason

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Was it that kind of morning for you? Did you wake up feeling depressed for no reason AGAIN? Is this becoming a pattern and are you wondering why?

Is your life going along pretty great? Are you happy with your relationships, your job, your health? And yet, for some reason, you are still feelingdepressed?

If the answer is yes, then there are a few things that you can do to try and figure out what is going on. Getting past depression is important and knowing the cause is an important part of doing so.

#1 – Take note of the view out your window.

What time of year is it when you are reading this article? Summer? Winter? Fall? Spring. Believe it or not, the time of year can greatly affect your moods, maybe even contribute to why you wake up feeling depressed for no reason.

Seasonal Affective Disorder is a depressive disorder caused by the change of seasons. Some people get depressed because of the reduced daylight hours. Some people because of the temperature changes. Everyone affected by SAD finds themselves sad without something being wrong.

Fall is a hard time for me because my kids go back to school and the days start getting shorter. If I don ‘ t pay attention I often find myself deeply depressed, even if everything else is great.

How do you deal with SAD? The most effective way is with afull spectrum lamp. The lamp will help your body tolerate the change in seasons by exposing it to full spectrum light.

Another thing to ask yourself is if something painful happened to you this same time of year in another year. I know that every year in early June I get very depressed because it is the anniversary of my mother ‘ s death. Sometimes it creeps up on me and I don ‘ t even know it.

Anticipating anniversaries that might be fraught with emotion is a good way to keep the SAD at bay because you can take steps to deal with what might make you sad. I make sure I do something that reminds me of my mom before the anniversary of her death and it has really helped me manage the pain of the loss so that it doesn ‘ t bring me down.

#2 – Get your thyroid and Vitamin D levels checked.

Two major causes of depression can be thyroid hormone levels that are off and low vitamin D.

When our thyroid hormone levels are off a variety of symptoms can arise. One of them is depression. Many of my clients who come to me complaining of depressive feelings often end up having thyroid disorders.

Vitamin D deficiency is also one of the major causes of depression. Because of the prevalence of sunscreen use, and a significant shortage of sunshine during some parts of the year, many Americans don ‘ t get enough sun. The sun is the only way for a human being to get Vitamin D (other than fortified milk and orange juice) so sun deficiency means a Vitamin D deficiency and Vitamin D deficiency leads to depression.

Fortunately, in both cases, testing is easy – a simple blood test – and treatment involves taking a pill.

So, if you’re suddenly feeling depressed for no reason call your primary care doctor and get your blood checked right away.

#3 – Make sure you are taking good care of yourself.

Are you eating well? Getting exercise? Spending time with friends? Taking care of your hygiene?

If not, this could be the cause of yourdepression.

Taking care of our mental and physical bodies is a key to mental and physical health. If you don ‘ t take care of yourself, but instead live on wine and ice cream, eventually your body is going to react.

A body that isn ‘ t well fed or exercised will start to turn on itself, causing all sort of debilitating issues. One of those issues is depression.

So, if you find that you’re suddenly feeling depressed for no reason, examine how you are taking care of yourself. If you are not doing a good job try to make a change. You might find your depression lifts if you do.

#4 – Know about thedifferentkinds of depression.

Diagnostically, are two basic kinds of depression: situational depression and chemical depression. They have similar symptoms but different causes.

Situational depression is caused by something that happens in your life. When something big happens that makes you sad, like the death of a parent or a divorce or the loss of a job, you can become situationally depressed. This kind of depression usually has a beginning, caused by a specific event, and an end, and is often treated differently from chemical depression.

Chemical depression is the result your brain chemistry being off in such a way that leads to depression. You are most often born with chemical depression but it can also by caused by a traumatic life event.

Chemical depression can happen to youeven if your life is going great.

A good way to get a sense of whether or not you are chemically depressed is to ask yourself some questions. They are:

  • Are you living with feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness?
  • Are you moreirritable than usual?
  • Have you lost interest in things that used to make you happy?
  • Are you not sleeping as well as you used to?
  • Have your sleep patterns changed? Are you spending more time in bed?
  • Have your eating patterns changed? Have you lost or gained weight?
  • Are you more anxious than you used to be?
  • Do you struggle with feelings of worthlessness?
  • Do you have a hard timefocusing?
  • Do you think about committing suicide?
  • Do you have new physical problems, like headaches or backaches.

If you answered yes to any, or all, of these questions you might be struggling with chemical depression.

#5 – Reach out for help.

Regardless of what kind ofdepression you are struggling with, situational or chemical depression, it is important that you reach out for help.

See your primary care doctor right away about your depression. Tell them honestly about your symptoms so that they can treat you.

Many people struggle with the embarrassment of depression. They think that they should be able to suck it up and just deal, like everybody else. Well, let me tell you that a significant portion of Americans deal with depression and many of them don ‘ t just suck it up. They either self-medicate with food or alcohol or they get treatment from a professional.

Guess which one is better for you.

If you wake up feeling depressed for no reason again tomorrow, talk to your primary care doctor. Feeling lethargic, unmotivated, sad and angry can be debilitating and you don ‘ t want it to overtake your life.

Whatever you do, don ‘ t ignore thedepression and hope it goes away. Consider where you are today, have your hormone and vitamin D levels checked, take care of yourself mentally and physically and check in to see if you might be chemically depressed.

The most important thing is not to go it alone. Get some professional help. Depression will get worse the longer it goes untreated so nipping it in the bud is essential.

Are you waking up depressed for no reason?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

Struggling With Situational Depression? Facts To Help You Cope

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Do you wake up in the morning feeling sad and hopeless? Are you wondering if you are depressed? And if you are depressed, do you wonder what kind of depression you might have, chemical or situational? Let me share some situational depression facts that might help you figure it out and get proper treatment.

#1 – What are the differences between chemical and situational depression?

Diagnostically, are two basic kinds of depression: situational depression and chemical depression. They have similar symptoms but different causes.

Situational depression is caused by something that happens in your life. When something big happens that makes you sad, like the death of a parent or a divorce or the loss of a job, you can become situationally depressed. This kind of depression usually has a beginning, caused by a specific event, and an end, and is often treated differently from chemical depression.

Chemical depression is the result your brain chemistry being off in such a way that leads to depression. You are most often born with chemical depression but it can also by caused by a traumatic life event.

Chemical depression can happen to youeven if your life is going great.

So, ask yourself some questions about what your life looks like these days to help you figure out what kind of depression you might have.

If you think you have situational depression, read on. If you think you have chemical depression here is an article for you to read to learn more.

#2 – What do I need to know about situational depression?

As I stated above, situational depression happens when something occurs in your life that causes you extreme stress and because you haven ‘ t yet adapted to the changes brought about as a result of that event.

Issues that can bring about situational depression include:

  • Problems at work or school
  • Illness
  • Death of a loved one
  • Moving
  • Relationship issues

Furthermore, many people who struggle with situational depression often have preexisting experiences with some sort of trauma that might contribute to their mood changes. Some possible experiences may be:

  • Existing mental health problems
  • Several difficult life experiences happening at once
  • Having gone through considerable stress as a child

So, take a good look at your life right now. Are you struggling with something? Is your child having issues at school? Is your marriage a mess? Are your parents ill? Anything that is out of the ordinary and which is making it more difficult to function.

If you are sad, and you are struggling with life events, you might be situationally depressed.

#2 – What are the symptoms of situational depression?

Most people with situational depression develop symptoms within roughly 90 days following the event that triggers the condition. Symptoms can include:

  • Listlessness
  • Hopelessness
  • Lack of enjoyment of regular activities
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Sadness
  • Recurring bouts of crying
  • Loss of interest in food
  • Anxiety
  • Worry
  • Loss of Concentration
  • Withdrawal from work or friends
  • Suicidal thoughts

Symptoms of situational depression vary from person to person and usually include more than one of the symptoms above.

Review the list above carefully. If any of these things seem familiar to you then you might be struggling with situational depression and it ‘ s time to deal with it. Situational depression can cause severe disruption of your life if left untreated.

#4 – What is the best way to treat situational depression?

In many cases, situational depression will ease on its own. There are things that you can do in the meantime to help relieve the symptoms. Getting exercise, eating well, getting enough sleep, sharing your feelings and doing things that make you happy can all help ease your sense of sadness.

However, if your symptoms are seriously disrupting your life or not going away, it would be a good idea to talk to your Primary Care doctor about what is going on. It might be time to talk to a psychologist and/or get treated with some medication.

Either way, it is important that you pay attention to your moods so that you know if they are getting worse or better. It ‘ s often easy to lose sight of the fact that it ‘ s the depression that is making your life so bleak. We start to blame ourselves for not being strong enough or outgoing enough or smart enough when in fact our self-image is clouded by the depression.

Checking in with your moods regularly so that you can deal with them properly is an important part of dealing with your situational depression.

#5 – How long will my situational depression last?

Many people with situational depression have symptoms for longer than 6 months. This is especially common when something else happens during the recovery period, which often happens because, well, this is life.

For others, situational depression can abate quickly, especially if you make a special effort to take care of yourself, sleep and eat well, get exercise and hang out with those you love.

If your depression is seriously impacting your life, whether just for a few weeks or a few months, reach out to your doctor to get some support. Your life just might depend on it.

Situational depression sucks. Really it does.

But understanding why your depression is happening and accepting that it is something that you will have to deal with is the first step to feeling better.

Remember, there are many people in the world who are struggling with depression. You are not alone. And you are not weak or anti-social or less-than in any way. You are suffering from depression and you can get better!

So, read the article above carefully. Take the first steps to dealing with your depression. You will be happy you did.

Are you struggling with situational depression?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

What Feeling Depressed Is Like From Someone Who’s Been There

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Do you want to know what feeling depressed is like? Are you struggling with your emotions and you just don’t know what they are? Let me tell you about what depression is like for me.

For as far back as I can remember I have been depressed. I didn ‘ t know that what I had was called depression – for me, I was carrying with me always a feeling of overwhelming hopelessness and dread.

Even as a young child, the prospect of doing anything, be it getting out of bed, going to school, playing with my friends, having dinner with my family, filled me with such a sense of unrelenting dread that I just couldn ‘ t do it.

I didn ‘ t know that I was different from everyone else. I didn ‘ t know that everyone else didn ‘ t hate their life as much as I did.

My mom used to come up to my room and yell at me for being such a loser because I didn ‘ t want to play with my friends or hang out with my family. It didn ‘ t take long for 10 year old me to start to believing her. That I was a loser. And it certainly didn ‘ t help me feel better.

My parents sent me to boarding school and, on the second night, someone handed me a bottle of vodka. I remember it like it was yesterday. I took one gulp – oh, how it burned – but suddenly, like magic, my feelings of hopelessness and dread disappeared. Life was just grand.

By the time I got to college I was a full-blown alcoholic. I would stay up for nights at a time, doing drugs. I would do whatever I could to put my life at risk. I would climb up on roofs, tripping on mushrooms. I would drive my car really fast on back roads, drunk. I didn ‘ t want to commit suicide but I would have been perfectly happy if I was dead.

In spite of the hopelessness I carried with me, I was living a productive life. I graduated from college and moved to San Francisco and got a dream job working in the catering department of The Four Seasons Hotel. I worked hard and partied hard.

And, in spite of the 100lb gorilla of hopelessness that I carried on my back, I lived a life that many would consider happy. I had a great job, a beau and friends. But I also was an alcoholic with a terrible secret.

My boyfriend and I got married and we moved to Maine. I had two children and I stopped drinking and doing drugs but I replaced those things (self-medication in retrospect) with being perfect. I was the perfect wife and the perfect mother and the perfect employee.

At the same time, I was working as hard as I could to stay ahead of the hopelessness and dread that I carried with me every day.

I never talked to anyone about how I was feeling. We New Englanders are tough and hell would have to freeze over before we would admit to any weakness. So, on I lived, parenting, selling real estate, managing our home.

I was fine.

And then, in 2004, we moved to Tokyo. Which was amazing. And horrible.

For the first time in my 39 years, I had nothing to do. My kids were at school and my husband was at work and I was at home, with no friends, no work, no life.

Everything caught up to me. I could no longer ignore that hopelessness and dread that I had been carrying with me for all these years.

I started drinking again and acting out sexually. I compulsively bought handbags on Ebay. I drove my car fast whenever I could. I was cranky and impatient and miserable.

And then, one day, to this day I don ‘ t know how it happened, I found myself in a closet, banging my head against the wall. I had no idea what was going on.

From my closet I managed to pick up my phone and call a friend. She came over and scooped me up, took me home and fed me apples and peanut butter while another friend found me a doctor.

It took that doctor 20 minutes to diagnose me with depression. I was 42 years old. I had been living with this gorilla for 42 years and it took one doctor 20 minutes to identify it and tell me what to do chase it away.

It ‘ s been 10 years since my diagnosis. Since then I have found the right medicine that works for me and I have developed coping skills for dealing with things when times get tough.

I do still get depressed occasionally, but not for long, because I have learned how to recognize when it is happening and manage it well. I take my meds religiously and take really, really good care of myself.

I am living well with depression but if I have one regret it ‘ s that I didn ‘ t seek out help earlier.

I have since learned that depression only gets worse the more it goes untreated. What if I had been diagnosed and treated back in my 20 ‘ s. Where in the world might I be now?

But I can ‘ t live with regrets. What I can live with is taking care of myself, managing my moods and building an amazing life for myself.

I AM living that wonderful life, one I am very thankful for every day, one with love and children and a community. I have this life because I pay attention and manage my moods and take care of myself. Some days I work hard but it’s worth it!

You can do it too! I promise.

Are you struggling with depression?
I know it’s really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

5 Steps to Overcoming Overwhelm for a Life of Success

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The other night I was sitting in the bathtub, soaking away the effects of the day. Suddenly I started crying. Not just crying, sobbing. I didn ‘ t know what was going on.

And then it hit me. I was going through some serious major life changes and perhaps it was all catching up to me. I wasn ‘ t used to things catching up to me.

So, what did I do? Let me tell you!

#1 – I let the tears flow.

Recently I have been having some arm problems and I have been seeing a rolfer to help me. She told me that she thought my arm problems were emotional – that the stress I was under was showing up in my body.

She encouraged me to let those emotions go. To really sit with the emotions when they crop up and let my body deal with them.

So, I did. I sat in the bathtub and cried. And cried. And cried. I took many deep breaths in between sobs. I allowed my body to let go of what I was feeling

As I cried, my mind kept wandering off to ways that I could fix what was causing the overwhelm but I would pull it back. I knew that now was the time for feeling my feelings and that later I would try to fix it.

An hour later I emerged from the bathtub, exhausted. I went to bed and woke up in the morning, feeling great, ready to deal with my overwhelm.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by life, try doing what I did. Sit with your feelings. Let your body process the emotions and let them go. When you do this, you are setting yourself up for overcoming overwhelm for a life of success.

#2 – I identified what was causing the overwhelm.

A big part of overwhelm is not knowing what is causing it. If we don ‘ t know what is overwhelming us it is impossible to deal with it.

So, the day after my crying jag, I made a list of the things that might be overwhelming me. I was in the middle of a big move, away from my kids. I had developed a frozen shoulder over the past year. I was going to be on the road a lot over the next week doing presentations. My dog was habitually pooping in my son ‘ s room at night. My boyfriend was going through a really hard time in his personal life.

It was amazing how freeing it was to realize all of the things that I had going on in my life. By doing so, I didn ‘ t feel ashamed of my overwhelm, ashamed that I was weak and couldn ‘ t handle my life. Seeing all of the things that I had going on made me realize that my overwhelm was merited.

And that made me motivated to deal with it.

#3 – I made a plan.

I believe that to get through anything you need to have a plan. Without a plan, you are going to approach things haphazardly and any success will be purely luck.

So, for me, I had to look at the things that were overwhelming me and figure out how to attack them.

As to my move – I made a list of what needed to be done. I made a plan to travel to see my kids regularly. I vowed to cut down the number of presentations that I was doing. I would try feeding my dog earlier in the evening so that she could do her business before I went to bed. And I wouldn ‘ t take my boyfriend ‘ s problems on myself – they were his problems, not mine.

Making a plan for dealing with my overwhelm helped calm me down pretty quick. Knowing that I had a plan gave me the freedom to take some deep breaths and get ready to deal.

#4 – I started taking care of myself.

One thing that I realized when I was taking inventory of my overwhelm was that I had stopped taking care of myself. I was so busy that I wasn ‘ t walking everyday like I usually did. I was travelling a lot so I wasn ‘ t eating well. My sleep was off and I was drinking more than usual.

A big part of being strong enough to deal with overwhelm is taking care of yourself. Keeping your body and mind healthy gives you the tools that you need for overcoming overwhelm for a life of success.

So, take care of yourself. What are the best things that you can do for yourself right now?

#5 – I asked for help.

We women believe that we can do it all by ourselves. That no one else can do it as well as we can and that if we ask for help we are admitting that we just can ‘ t do it ourselves.

Well, let me tell you that I know, from personal experience, that that just isn ‘ t true. We all need help and if we can ask for it then we can do anything.

For me, I knew that I really needed to get my arm taken care of because having an injured wing made everything much worse. So, I started seeing a rolfer, an acupuncturist and a chiropractor. These practitioners are not only helping me with my arm but they are helping me deal with all of the emotions that are causing the overwhelm.

I have also asked my boyfriend to help me manage things around the house and have hired a contractor to do what he can ‘ t. I am parceling out my presentations to people I have trained to do them, people who really can do as good a job as me. And I recently got some CBD oil to help me sleep.

When I sleep the world is just a better place.

So, ask for help if you need it. Don ‘ t go it alone. There are people out there who can and want to help you so go for it.

Overcoming overwhelm for a life of success can seem overwhelming. There is so much to do and so much stress in our lives and the prospect of managing it all can seem impossible.

But it is possible!

Let yourself feel your emotions, identify what is overwhelming you, make a plan, take care of yourself and ask for help!

This is your life to live. Take the reins and live it well. You can do it!

Are you struggling with overwhelm?
I know it’s really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

What To Do When You’re Depressed & Don’t Feel Like Doing A Thing

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You know those days when your feelings of sadness are so strong that they overwhelm you? Do you wonder what to do when you’re depressed and you just don ‘ t feel like doing a thing?

Feeling depressed is horrible and getting through it can be tough but there are things that you can do to help you get through those dark days when life just seems impossible.

#1 – Get out of bed.

This might seem fairly obvious but, for many people, the act of simply getting out of bed when they are depressed is impossible.

The inclination to stay under the covers, in the dark, away from the stimulation of the world is almost irresistible when you are depressed. Bed is comfy and cozy and not going to judge you in any way for how you are feeling.

If you are trapped in your bed, GET OUT OF IT!

People I know who are depressed go to great lengths to stay out of bed when they are depressed.

I have known people to take their mattress off the box spring and lean it against the wall. Some people pile their mattress with books. Others strip the bed of the sheets.

Whatever it takes to keep them out of bed.

Because, out of bed, it ‘ s way more likely that you will actually be able to do something other than lay around, ruminating about how horrible you feel.

#2 – Exercise.

The best way to keep yourself moving forward when you’re depressed is to get out of the house and exercise.

The act of exercising produces endorphins which will not only lighten your mood but will give you the energy that you need to get off your butt and get some stuff done.

If you add the outdoors to the mix, by taking a walk or riding a bike, you will only compound the positive effects of the exercise. There is nothing like some fresh air and sunshine to give you the energy to take on the world.

Have you ever felt like Superwoman after a good brisk walk in the park? Like you could do anything? Can ‘ t you remember that feeling like it was yesterday?

Do it NOW!

#3 – Laugh.

When we aredepressed we tend to isolate ourselves. The prospect of getting out of bed and actually interacting with people is too much for us to bear.

This is just exactly the opposite of what we should be doing. The physical act of smiling has actually been proven to lighten one ‘ s mood. How amazing is that?

Picture this. You can spend the rest of the day in bed, covers pulled up over your ears, mulling about how horrible the world is and how you are never going to do anything ever again. OR you can invite some friends over and laze around on the couch, laughing about whatever it is that you laugh about with them.

So, do what you can do to get some laughter going. If the idea of friends is just too much to bear, put on a funny movie, something that you know you have truly enjoyed in the past.

Get those smile muscles activated and lift your mood immediately.

#4 – Do one small thing.

When we are depressed the idea of getting anything done at all is completely overwhelming. And so what do we do? Nothing. And then how do we feel? Worse.

Try this: once you get out of bed and get some exercise, consider doing just one thing. Anything. Because doing just one thing can often lead to doing another.

Choose something that you really like to do because if you try to do something that you feel like you MUST do, instead of WANT to do, then you will fail and feel worse about everything.

When I am depressed, I love to go through my inbox and throw shit away. Getting organized feels good. What I hate to do when I am depressed is make phone calls. Talking to people on the phone in that state of mind is not a good idea.

So, choose one thing that you like to do, in or out of the house. And do it.

Go make coffee. Take the dog for a walk. Make your bed. Even if it doesn ‘ t lead to doing another thing, at least you got one thing done!

#5 – Be kind to yourself.

Okay. You are depressed. And it sucks. But it is what it is. But don ‘ t judge yourself for it. Don ‘ t think that you are a horrible person because you can ‘ t fight this off. Don ‘ t think you are a loser because your sadness has brought you way down.

Instead, recognize that you are depressed and that you will have to ride it out. That getting depressed is something that is a part of your life and that you are not alone. Many people suffer from depression and it ‘ s not a sign of weakness. In fact, those who deal with depression are often far stronger than those who don ‘ t because life is just a little harder for us.

So be kind to yourself. Recognize that this depression will pass and that you will become your old self again. You just need to use your coping skills to ride it out. You have gotten through it before and will get through it again.

So, take care of yourself. Recognize that you are in a tough place and that you are doing your best nonetheless.

And then get up and do that one thing!

Knowing what to do when you are feeling depressed and just can ‘ t handle doing anything is a HUGE part of living well with depression.

Depression comes and goes, for a variety of reasons, but if you know what you need to do to ride it out you WILL be able to do so. To get through a bout of depression without losing yourself completely.

So, get out of bed, exercise, laugh, do one small thing and be nice to yourself. Remember. You can do this! You have most likely done it before!

Go for it!

Are you struggling with depression?
I know it’s really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

How To Know When To Let Go Of A Lost Love

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Are you in a relationship right now that is making you unhappy. Are you scaredabout what’s next and wondering how to know when to let go of a lost love because right now you are feeling nothing but pain?

Let me help you.

Deciding to let go of someone you love is a very hard thing to do. Much like the hope that a coma victim will wake up, the hope of resurrecting lost love is one that ‘ s hard to let go of.

So how do you decide? Check out my list below. If any, or all, of these criteria fit your situation then perhaps it ‘ s time to let go.

#1 – Your thoughts are only about him.

Do you spend much of your waking hours thinking about your man? Do you spend hours stalking him on social media, listening to songs that remind you of him, trying to figure out ways to run into him?

If the answers to the above questions are ‘ ˜yes, ‘ then you are actually experiencing something called obsessive love. Obsessive love is when one person feels an obsessive desire to possess and protect another person with an inability to accept rejection or failure.

Love is a wonderful, giving, open emotion. Obsession is a harsh, angry, destructive one.

So, if the love you feel for you man is obsession, then it ‘ s definitely time to let go. It ‘ s not healthy for either of you.

#2 – He gives you mixed messages.

Is your man alternating hot and cold? Does some days he seem like his loving self and then others he is crabby and distant and no fun to be with?

Unless your man has bi-polar disorder, a man who is playing up and down with his woman is a man no longer interested.

If a man wants something, particularly a woman, he will move heaven and earth to get it. If your man only wants you some days and not others then he isn ‘ t making any effort at all to keep you.

So, unless your man is always hot for you, let him go.

#3 – He gives you nothing.

Having a man who runs hot and cold can be very upsetting. Even worse, but harder to spot, is a man who gives you nothing.

Has your man stopped asking how you are doing? Has he stopped asking you out on dates or bringing home the groceries or including you in activities with his friends? Does he no longer listen when you talk or seem to care at all about what you think?

A man like this is a man who has nothing left to give to the woman he used to love.

Unfortunately, for many women, when they are trying to save a relationship that was once so promising, they become so obsessed with saving it that they don ‘ t notice how little of it still exists. They will talk more to fill in the silences left by the absence of questions. They will invite themselves along on outings they weren ‘ t invited to. They will plan things that the two of them can do together. As a result, women don ‘ t notice that their man has completely checked out.

So, take a moment and think about your relationship. What has your man done for you lately? If the list is short then it ‘ s time to let him go.

#4 – History keeps repeating itself.

Are you and your guy stuck in a cycle of good and bad, up and down, highs and lows? Are there days when things feel almost like they used to and then days when things are so bad that you want to cry?

Does your man tell you that he needs space and disappear only to reappear a few weeks later telling you how much he misses you?

If you find yourself in these kinds of patterns, where things are never constantly good but rather a roller coaster of emotions that is sucking you dry, then it ‘ s time to let go.

#5 – When you believe that you can never love again.

Be honest. Do you sometimes think that you just can ‘ t let this guy go because you believe if you do that you will never love, or be loved, again?

Do you think about going back on Match.com or that you might have to attend the Christmas party alone and feel nothing but dread at the prospect?

If you are feeling this way then it ‘ s definitely time to let go of your man. If you are staying with your guy because you are worried that there won ‘ t ever be someone else then you are staying with him for the wrong reasons.

Because there will be another love out there for you but you will never find him if you are stuck a relationship that isn ‘ t making you happy. If you can let go of this one then you will set yourself up, physically and energetically, to find that person who will love you forever.

I am guessing that you are reading this article because you suspect, deep down, that the relationship you are in isn ‘ t the one for you. But it ‘ s hard to admit this and even harder to let go.

It is essential, for your mental health and the health of your future love life, that you pay hard attention to whether it ‘ s time to let go of a lost love.

Is he treating you well? Is the love you feel for him healthy? Are you worried you will never love again?

Ask yourself these questions and, if the answers fit, be determined to let go of your lost love.

And just how do you do that? Check out this article: 5 Life Saving Ways to Let Go of Someone Who Doesn ‘ t Love You so that You Can Be Happy. It will guide you, step by step, through a process that might be difficult but that will be worth it in the long run.

You CAN do this!

Are you struggling with figuring out when to let go of love?
I know it’s really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

5 Ways to Have a Healthy Relationship When Feeling Depressed

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Is it hard to have a healthy relationship when feeling depressed?

Absolutely yes!

I know because I have been there…

I have struggled with depression for my whole life. 52 years. For a long time I didn ‘ t have a name for why I always felt so hopeless and full of despair. I just lived with it.

And then I got married. And he had to live with it too. It was not fun.

Being in a relationship when you are depressedcan be very difficult but I am here to tell you that relationships don ‘ t have to self-destruct because of it.

What can you do?

#1 – Recognize when you are depressed.

Those of us wholive with depression can usually tell when it hits. Simple tasks that just the day before were easy to do become difficult. Sleep is elusive. We are short tempered and crabby. Each of us manifests depression differently but usually we know when we are experiencing it.

Keeping in touch with your depression and sharing its presence with your partner is very important. Don ‘ t just expect your partner to guess that you are depressed. They might not recognize the signs and might not respond to your new mood and that could lead to some big problems between the two of you.

When I was married, I didn ‘ t tell my husband when I felt depressed. I was crabby and mean and not fun to be around. And I expected him to fight through all of that and make an effort to make me feel better. Of course, he didn ‘ t. He thought I was just being mean and crabby and so he wanted nothing to do with me. If only I had told him what was going on. Perhaps he would have had some sympathy and given me what I needed.

So, when depression hits, be clear about it. You and your partner have a bit of a battle ahead. Together.

#2 – Talk to your partner about what depression is like.

Even the most sympathetic of partners doesn ‘ t really understand what depression is like unless they suffer from it themselves. Because of this, it ‘ s important to try to teach them what depression looks like for you.

When we talked, my message for my husband was 1) you haven ‘ t caused this and 2) you can ‘ t fix it and 3) I can ‘ t just suck it up and feel better. For me it was essential that he knew these three things to be true.

Next, I explained to him what my depression looked like. That when I was depressed I felt like I had a gorilla on my back. Moving around, getting things done, communicating effectively, all required such a herculean effort that I could barely manage. When I was depressed I was exhausted, easily angered, prone to long bouts of crying. Going to work, seeing his family, taking care of myself, all filled me with such an overwhelming sense of dread that I couldn ‘ t bear it.

So, when you ARE NOT depressed, take some time and share your experience with your partner. The better understanding they have of your depression the better they will be able to deal with and cope with it.

#3 – Plan ahead for what to do when depression hits.

A key part of dealing with depression for me, and for my husband, was that I was able to, when I wasn ‘ t depressed, make a plan for what I needed when I was depressed. I knew from experience what I needed to get through my depression. Sharing it with my partner was key.

For me, when I get depressed I need four things: to get outside, to sleep, Pad Thai and sex. I knew that those things would not cure my depression but that they made living with it easier.

So, when I WAS NOT depressed, my husband and I made a plan for what to do when I was. We would let me sleep in, go for a hike, get Pad Thai, have sex and send me back to sleep. We would do that, or some variation of that, to stay connected while I was depressed and help me get through it.

What we also agreed was that he wouldn ‘ t try to fix it. Many people want to fix things. You can ‘ t fix depression. Accepting that was a great way for my husband to manage when I was depressed because he wasn ‘ t constantly frustrated, searching for ways to help me.

#4 – Don ‘ t make your partner suffer.

So, you have talked to your partner about your depression and made a plan for what you need when you are in it. Both of those things are great. Proactive. Good for you.

Sometimes, however, those things just don ‘ t work and you are miserable. You are short tempered and difficult and not fun to be with.

At times like that, let your partner go. Let them go about their day, guilt free. The last thing in the world you want to do is tether someone you love to your depression.

Encourage your partner to go do something they love instead of hang around being miserable with you. If you let them do this they will come home refreshed and better able to support you. And they might even bring you some Pad Thai.

#5 – Agree to seek help.

One of the hardest things for someone who loves someone with depression is their sense of helplessness. They know that there is nothing that they can do to help their partner get out of this dark place. And that sense of helplessness can tear relationships apart.

What can you do? You can agree to seek help dealing with your depression. That help can be what you want it to be: medication, yoga, therapy. Whatever works for you.

It is important, for both of you in the relationship, to know that the depression isn ‘ t something that will be ignored but that needs to be addressed head on. That it is something that you can both learn to deal with and take on together. As a couple.

Get some help. Both for you and for the one you love.

It can be difficult to have a healthy relationship when you ‘ re depressed.

Depression can have a devastating effect on relationships. It doesn ‘ t have to be a death knell, however. Somerelationships can actually thrive when couples tackle depression together.

Share with your partner what your depression looks like, allow them to fully understand it and share with you the tools you have in place to manage it. Give them the freedom to escape from it for a bit if necessary. But be in it together.

Because if together you can manage depression then there is nothing else that you can ‘ t take on. Together.

You can do this!

Are you struggling with depression and keeping your relationship strong?
I know it’s really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

How To Deal With Emotional Overwhelm and Make it Through the Day

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How to deal with emotional overwhelm when it seems simply impossible that you can get through the day?

Our modern lives arechaotic, jam-packed and exhausting and it can be hard to make it through the day when you are feelingoverwhelmed. And, because it seems that every day is the same, it can be very hard to get ahead of it all.

It IS possible to get through those daysoverwhelming, exhausting days. All it takes is a little awareness and intention and you can do it!

Here are 5 ways to do so.

#1 – Make a list and prioritize.

When you are feeling overwhelmed and tired, just thinking aboutall of the things that needs to be done can shut you down for the day. And shutting you down for the day is definitely not what you need because that will only lead to more overwhelm tomorrow!

A big part of overwhelm is knowing that you have a ton to do and lots of places to be but not knowing what exactly they are. The unknown can be petrifying.

So, take a minute and make a list of everything that you think needs to be done today. Once you have a list, underline everything that REALLY needs to be done today. And then take those underlined items and prioritize what needs to be done first, second and third.

If you know exactly what needs to be done, and you can look at it in front of you, your overwhelm will immediately subside. A big piece of overwhelm is the result of just not knowing what needs to be done. Making a list lets you figure it out.

#2 – Take it one step at a time.

Once you have your list, and know your priorities, it ‘ s important tostart at the beginning. And take it one step at a time.

Another cause of overwhelm is that, in our heads, we jump too quickly ahead or start to visualize an end result that isn ‘ t what we want it to be and so we get derailed.

I have a client who was going through a divorce and needed to create a division of assets proposal to bring to mediation. She absolutely could not get it done and her deadline was getting closer and closer.

We talked it through and I learned that she was very intimidated by creating the proposal and a big reason was that she had no idea what she wanted. So, I suggested we start at the beginning.

First, we identified the pieces of the proposal that needed to be accounted for – an accurate budget, an inventory of joint assets, the division of said assets and a request for alimony.

Once we knew what she needed, we set out gathering information, starting with the budget.

Creating her proposal was easy once she had gathered her information.

Take each item on your list individually. And if something unexpected gets in the way of your list, don ‘ t give up. Handle it and then get back to your list and keep moving forward.

#3 – Do something for yourself.

A key part of surviving through exhaustion and overwhelm is to dosomething to take care of yourself. When we are at the end of our rope our tendency is to put ourselves on the back burner and everyone and everything ahead of us.

It ‘ s important that we take even just a little bit of time to do something for ourselves and recharge our batteries.

What would work for you? Perhaps it ‘ s a walk or a run, a mid-morning croissant snack, tea with a friend, a pedicure or even a massage. Whatever would work for you to make your day just a little more manageable. And ease the overwhelm.

#4 – Remember to eat and eat well.

When we are running around like crazy we tend to forget to eat. Or, if we do eat, we eat something that isn ‘ t good for us.

An important part of fighting overwhelm is to make sure that we eat well, food that will fuel our journey through the day.

What kind of food? Protein is the most important – eggs, nuts, chicken, cheese. Make sure to eat a good breakfast and lunch or, at the very least, keep some protein with you to snack on. A bag of almonds in the glove box can make a huge difference.

#5 – Take a cat nap.

I know you are laughing at the thought of fitting a nap into your crazy day but if you possibly can it will make a HUGE difference.

Cat naps are proven to increase your alertness, speed up your motor performance, improve your accuracy and decision making, reduce stress and boost your creativity.

I am the queen of the 20 minutes nap in the car. I pull over in the shade or sun, depending on the season, put my seat back and snooze for 20 minutes. When I wake up my energy levels are definitely up and I can get through the rest of my day.

So, try to make some time to snooze. It will be totally worth it!

This crazy modern life we lead makes it important that understand how to deal with emotional overwhelm so we can get through our day.

And, since tropical vacations aren ‘ t usually available to help us recharge, it ‘ s important that we do what we can do to get through the day.

So make a list, set your priorities and take care of yourself. If you can take care of yourself then you will better be able to take care of others. And get yourself through the day intact and ready for another one tomorrow.

You can do it!

Are you struggling with emotional overwhelm?
I know it’s really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

5 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Healthy When You Feel Your Guy Pulling Away

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Is your guy pulling away? Would you do anything to keep your relationship healthy and your guy right by your side?

In spite all of our best intentions, at some point or another in a relationship someone starts pulling away. The reasons why are many and varied but the reality is that, no matter what the cause, having someone you love pull away is incredibly painful. And causes tremendous anxiety.

Luckily, there are things that you can do to keep your relationship healthy even if your guy is pulling away, healthy enough so that you can find you way back to each other.

#1 – Give him some space.

Our first reaction when we feel our guy pulling away is to hang on tighter. Let me tell you, this NEVER works.

I have a client who was dating someone who asked for some time to figure some things out. What did she do? She tried to pull him in tighter. She was scared that she would lose him if she didn’t.

She wanted to be with him all the time and when she wasn ‘ t with him she would text him constantly, wondering where he was. She stalked him on social media to see what he was up to. She made sure that she would ‘ ˜just happen to run into him ‘ at the gym.

What happened? Not only did her guy pull away but he ran away. He needed some space to figure some things out and she didn ‘ t give it to him. Instead, she suffocated him. So, he left.

If your man needs some space, give it to him. Let him figure out whatever it is that he needs to figure out. And when he does, and he realizes that he misses you, come back he will.

#2 – Continue to be yourself.

One thing that many women do when their man starts to pull away from them is to stop being themselves. They figure that if they can just be super nice, not nag, not complain and bend over backwards to please their man then he will come back.

It doesn ‘ t work that way.

If your man is pulling away, it is essential that you continue to be yourself. Who you are is who your man fell in love with. He isn ‘ t going to stay in love some second-rate version of you, one who caters to his every whim.

So, continue to be your strong, independent self. Keep your relationship healthy by staying who you are. Continue being someone any man would want to come back to.

#3 – Don ‘ t make it all about you.

Men pull away from women in relationships for many different reasons. Sometimes it is because they are finding themselves not satisfied in a relationship and they want to get out. But, more often than not, they have their own thing going on and they want space to process it.

Unfortunately, when men do that women want to know exactly what is going on.

We assume that his actions are a reflection of us and our behaviors and we need to ‘ ˜talk ‘ about it. And talk and talk and talk about it. Or we become overly emotional and clingy and desperate to change things. And nothing drives a guy away faster than an overly emotional, clingy and desperate woman who wants to talk.

So, if your guy is pulling away, ask him directly if what he is processing has to do with you. Tell him that you want to know so that you don ‘ t have to wonder. If he says it IS about you, then you can start to work on that with him.

If, however, he tells you clearly that it ‘ s not about you, let it go. It ‘ s really not about you and all of the time sitting around ‘ ˜talking about it ‘ isn ‘ t going to change that.

Step away, let him process his stuff and know that when he figures it out he will come back to you. And by not taking it personally you will actually be a person he wants to come back to.

#4 – Assess whether you are happy in the relationship.

I remember so well when my last boyfriend started to pull away from me. It kind of came out of nowhere and I didn ‘ t understand it.

As soon as I felt him pulling away I set in to fix it. I became ultra-supportive and loving. I made his favorite dinners and went out with his friends, who I didn ‘ t really like. I worked really hard to be the person that he wanted to be in a relationship with. Or who I THOUGHT he wanted to be with.

And then, one day, it hit me. Did I want to be in a relationship with this guy? Was I clinging to him so that I could save our relationship or was I doing so because I didn ‘ t want to be ALONE??

Fortunately I realized before it was too late that I didn ‘ t want to be in a relationship with him. That I wanted out, even if I didn’t really want to be alone. So, I left him.

It ‘ s better to be the one leaving than the one left, so pay attention to how you REALLY feel about this guy!

#5 – Get on with your life.

For many of us, when we feel our man pulling away, we put our life on hold. We immerse ourselves in why our man is leaving us, why he doesn ‘ t want to be with us. We put our friends, our families and our work on hold just so that we can be there for him if he needs us.

This is a bad idea. If our man is pulling away it is even more important that we get on with our life, that we still be the person that we are. Because if you want your man to come back to you, you want to be the person who he wants to come back to.

So, sure you can continue to be there for your guy but don ‘ t sacrifice your life in the meantime. A one-sided relationship, where it ‘ s all about one person, is not a healthy relationship.

We woman are healers and fixers and we think that if we try hard enough we can save our man from himself. And, while that ‘ s a great idea, it just isn ‘ t true.

Make sure you give your guy his space, to figure out his issues on his own. Don ‘ t lose who you are or how you live your life, make sure you know what you want and don ‘ t make it all about you.

Make sure you maintain a healthy relationship, one that you both will chose to come back to.

You can do it!

Is your guy pulling away?
I know it’s really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

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