5 Ways To Stay Yourself in a New Relationship – Even if You Feel Like an Insecure Mess

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Isn ‘ t it wonderful, a new relationship? Getting to know that new special someone, looking across the room at them, and getting butterflies in your tummy. Hours spent sharing your hopes and dreams for the future. Holding hands. Romance. Great sex. Rampant insecurity.

Wait. What?

When we first get into a new relationship, we feel very confident because having someone new in our lives is a very heady experience. And yet, as we become attached to someone, feelings of insecurity can arise because with attachment comes the fear of loss. And the way we act because of that fear of loss can hijack many a new love affair.

Who wants that? Surely not you! So how can you stay yourself?

#1 – Remember that you are AWESOME.

Think about the person you are when you are single, when you aren ‘ t questioning your self-worth because of some guy. Who is that person?

Do you have a job that you love and that you are good at? Do you run marathons? Do you have a few great friends who you love to spend time with? Do you like to go to movies and try new food? Do you have a dog that thinks you are God ‘ s gift to the world?

This person is the person you want to remember when you are feeling insecure. This awesome person who your guy chose to date in the first place.

And remember, you are so awesome that more than just one guy out there wants to date you so if this one doesn ‘ t appreciate you, too bad for him.

#2 – Live your life.

DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT sit around and wait for any man to call. Or any woman for that matter, either. Time spent sitting around waiting for your life to start is time wasted.

You have a life to live, so live it. Do your work and do it well. Go to yoga, eat out with friends, and walk your dog. Do all of the things that make you feel good about yourself and do them often.

Not only will you feel good about yourself for doing the things that you love, but when your guy reaches out to see you you will be busy, and that will make him wonder why you aren ‘ t busy with him!!!!

And making him wonder is always good.

#3 – Unplug.

One of the things that you should NOT do to keep yourself busy is spent time on social media.

Even on a good day, social media can lead us down the road to despair. Fear of Missing Out (FOMO), the fear that the rest of the world is going on around you as you just sit there on your phone, is a real thing in this modern day. Time spent watching how other people are living instead of living yourself is always time wasted.

Furthermore, spending any time AT ALL stalking your suitor will only lead you to trouble, especially if you can ‘ t find him or see him doing something with someone you don ‘ t want him doing things with. Innocently or no. It will hurt.

So again, go live your life. Don ‘ t sit around and see what someone else ‘ s life looks like.

#4 – Know you probably aren ‘ t the only one feeling this way.

The more attached we are to something, whether it be a man or a friend or a coat, the more we fear losing it. And the fear of losing something can cause us to act in ways that might seem foreign. That super self-confident woman you usually are might get replaced with the shy 8th grader you used to be. Not ideal.

But do know that while you may be feeling insecure at the prospect of losing this new person in your life, they might very well be feeling the same way too. They might feel like if they text you, they could appear too eager or if they stop by your desk you might find them too needy.

Does that sound kind of familiar? Kind of like how you are feeling? How does it make you feel knowing that they might be feeling the same way too?

Kinda relieved, perhaps? Less insecure? Good.

#5 – Ask yourself ‘ What ‘ s the worst that can happen? ‘

This is a question that can be applied to a variety of life situations, but it ‘ s best application is right here.

You are in a new relationship, one that is days or weeks old. One that you have lived your entire life up until recently without.

Ask yourself, ‘ What is the worst that can happen? ‘

The answer? That you will lose this relationship. So? There are more fish in the sea. That you will embarrass yourself? You had done that before and survived. That you will actually have a great conversation and maybe another date? Well, that wouldn ‘ t suck.

Keep in mind that the worst that can happen isn ‘ t that you will drop dead if you send a text or that you will end world peace if you ask him to dance. And, with that in mind, take a step confidently in his direction. Being the rock star that you are.

Because really, what ‘ s the worst that can happen?

We all want to love and be loved. This we all know to be true (although sometimes we are loathe to admit it). And in the pursuit of love we often find ourselves losing ourselves in our attempt to please others.

But don ‘ t let yourself go. Remind yourself every day how amazing you are, that anyone would be lucky to have you, that if this relationship doesn ‘ t work out, there will be another (because there will be), and that the world won ‘ t end no matter what action you take.

Be the person that someone wants to fall in love with. Be the person who you can be in love with too.

 

Are you struggling in your new relationship?

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let me help, before it’s too late!

 

 

 

5 Ways I Helped Change a Client’s Life – Even Though She Was Skeptical That I Could Do So

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I have a client who was gifted 3 life-coaching sessions by her sister. While she truly appreciated the gift, she was rather insulted that her sister thought that she needed a life coach. She wasn ‘ t really happy, she thought, but she was fine.

One month later, though, is she happy that she found me? She says that she was very skeptical coming into working with me because she had been seeing therapists for years to no avail, and then, in 3 short weeks, her life was on a completely different track.

Here is my latest: 5 Ways I Helped Change a Client ‘ s Life – Even Though She Was Skeptical That I Could Do So.

#1 – I provided insight.

During our first session, my client told me about how miserable she was. She was unhappy in her job, her marriage was floundering, she wasn ‘ t able to exercise because of an injury, and she was drinking too much. She felt hopeless.

She also told me that she had just weaned herself off of her anti-depressant. That she had reduced her dose for 3 months and she was on her second week of no meds at all.

I put two and two together and asked when her overwhelming feelings of hopelessness had started. She said about 2 months earlier. ‘ So just about when you started weaning off your meds? ‘ I asked. She thought about it and agreed with me.

I suggested that she ask her doctor about going back on her meds, perhaps at a lower dosage, to see if it made any difference with her negative feelings. And guess what? She did, and it did.

Without me there to listen and point things out objectively, with no agenda, as a relative might have, she might not have seen that her lack of meds was affecting her so. Nor, without the meds, would she have been able to start the other hard work that we began next.

#2 – I held her accountable. Big time.

During one of our sessions, we started to talk about her drinking. She was on a cleanse, and when she was done, she was determined that she wouldn ‘ t go back to her regular drinking habits. She recognized that she probably had a drinking problem but wanted to try to control it on her own.

We then talked about her calling her primary care doctor to get the name of an alcohol counselor. “Just get a name,” I told her. It would be a first step towards stopping her drinking, something that I knew was important to her because she didn ‘ t want it to affect her kids.

One week later, I checked in. She responded that she was great and that she hadn ‘ t contacted a counselor and that could she put off our appointment for two weeks so she could get some things done.

I told her no. That I wanted to talk with her on Monday, even if just for a few minutes. And what did she do because she knew that she was going to talk with me? She not only made an appointment with a therapist but she went to it before we talked.

She was feeling so great when we talked. She had much hope after her therapy session. And she thanked me for pushing her to do it.

#3 – I helped make her career clearer.

My client has a job that suits her needs. She likes what she does, works hard enough and has summers off. But she is approaching 30 and wants to make sure that she doesn ‘ t let her career life pass her by without being all that she could be.

But what would that look like? Being all that she could be?

I had her make a list of everything that made her heart sing, and then I had her read it back to me during our phone call. After she read that list, we started talking about possible career options. Because she had just read a list of what made her heart sing, her mind was clear and wide open. And we used some of those things on her list to identify a career move.

And guess what? We landed on one. A good one. Her homework was to take the first step toward making it happen.

As we were wrapping up, she said, ‘ Can I tell you something? It ‘ s almost embarrassing. I make these little kids’ bracelets, and I would love to make them and sell them on Etsy. ‘

‘ What a great idea, ‘ I replied and gave her some ideas for getting started down that path as well.

If she hadn ‘ t felt comfortable enough to trust me with that little pearl of wisdom, it might never have popped out of her mouth and come to fruition. And she was so happy it did.

#4 – I taught her how to talk with her husband.

My client has a very good relationship with her husband overall, but communication had broken down like it does in many long-term relationships.

They had some things to talk about, and she had no idea how to broach them.

I taught her that the most important part of communication is to talk not about how the other person is acting but how their actions make her feel. Another person can not get angry with you because of how you feel but they can get defensive about what they perceive is an attack on their character.

I also taught her that timing was everything. That if she wanted to talk about their drinking, I suggested that 9:00 pm, after a few cocktails, was not the best time. 9:00 am after coffee might be better.

Armed with these new tools she set out to have a constructive conversation with her hubby and one they did.

#5 – I taught her how to believe in herself.

We are all our own worst enemies. We catalog all of our worst traits and transgressions and trot them out whenever we feel it necessary. As a result, we tend to really not like or believe in ourselves.

I had my client keep a running list of daily successes. Big and small.

Getting out of bed. Not yelling at the kids before breakfast. A great meeting at work. Not having three slices of pizza for lunch but only two. Getting off the couch and going for a walk after dinner.

Successes, big and small.

I then had my client read her list of successes every night before bed. So she could sleep on them and remember them. That way those successes would be foremost in her mind, as opposed to her failures, and then she could trot them out when needed.

Believing in herself has allowed my client to move forward in her life, work on her relationship with her husband, grow her career and deal with her drinking with more self-confidence.

And self-confidence is the key to success.

So there you go, my 5 Ways I Helped Change a Client ‘ s Life.

We all have issues in our lives, and we all find them difficult to deal with. We have the support of friends and family but more often than not they just want to support us, to tell us what we want to hear.

But not a life coach. A life coach will tell you what she sees, objectively and professionally, and hold you accountable for plans that you make. She is the guardian angel who sits on your shoulder and reminds you that you are wonderful. She is the wonderland elf who gives you the tools to succeed. She is the fairy godmother who helps make all of your dreams come true.

Sounds pretty wonderful, doesn ‘ t it?

Let me help you make BIG CHANGES in your life.

Contact me NOW and I can help!

 

 

5 Things You Can Do To Keep Your Man Happy And Keep Him Wanting More

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So you have found your guy and now you are wondering what things you can do to keep your man happy…

I don ‘ t know about you but I find men a complete mystery. I have a very good male friend who I often ask for a man ‘ s perspective on something that I am thinking about doing. His answer is almost always completely different from anything that I might have come up with myself. It blows me away every time.

With that in mind I asked him to tell me what a woman can do to keep her man happy. I had a sense that it might be totally different from what women might think it could be.

And guess what? I was right!

Here is what I learned.

#1 – Let him make you laugh.

If there is one thing that men love, it ‘ s external validation that they are all that. So much of how men connect with the world is about what is external vs. internal – how they look, how they are perceived, how successful the world thinks they are vs. how they are thinking and feeling. And this is okay. It ‘ s different from women, and it ‘ s okay.

Let your man know that he makes you laugh. And laugh often. You are giving him the ultimate validation that he is being appreciated by you, the woman he loves. And the smile that you give him with that laugh? It will make him weak in the knees. And putty in your hands.

Putty is good ‘ ¦.

#2 – Be thankful when he gives.

Men are at their best when they are giving. It ‘ s in their nature. When they give, they take care of those they love, and this is a primal need for them.

It ‘ s hard for modern men to give because it ‘ s hard for modern women to receive. And oftentimes, when a man does give to a woman she freezes. Either she ignores the giving or complains that it ‘ s not enough or acts in a way that implies that she doesn ‘ t deserve it.

I have a client whose husband used to buy her jewelry because he knew that she loved it. And she did. Unfortunately, everything he bought her wasn ‘ t to her taste. She would thank him sweetly but then return it for something that she wanted. And every time she did this she hurt him. So much so that eventually, he stopped buying her jewelry. And that didn ‘ t make anyone happy.

So be open to your man giving to you, big or small. And thank him for it. You will be glad you did, and he will be happy.

#3 – Don ‘ t be too helpful.

Women are, by nature, caregivers. We long to take care of anyone and everyone, often to the point that we stop doing anything for ourselves and we get resentful and bitter about it. Especially with our spouses.

But men don ‘ t want that! They don ‘ t want us to be TOO helpful.

Don ‘ t get me wrong. Men love having their socks picked up and their laundry done for them. They like not having to buy Christmas presents for the extended family or wipe down the sink. But they do want to feel like they can take of themselves that they are a contributing member of a couple. Maybe even sometimes the guy in charge.

So let him do his thing. Take care of yourself. And maybe even take care of you for a change.

Oh, and one more thing – did you know that when you baby your husband too much, he starts to look at you as he does his mother. Do you want him to start equating you with his mother? I didn ‘ t think so.

Need help with your man? Let me help…

#4 – Be a girl.

I know I know. How can I say that in this modern world? Men and women are equal. Women can do everything that men can do and do some of it even better. We are not soft. We are steel. We aren ‘ t going to act like girls.

I get it. But one thing that we can ‘ t ignore is human nature. It is in our biology that men are masculine and women feminine. We each have standard accompanying traits. Men are strong and protective. Women are soft and nurturing. And, no matter what the world says, men and women react to each other’s strength and softness.

So let yourself be a little girlish. Let yourself be soft around your man. Wear dresses. Speak softly. Laugh at his jokes. Make him feel like you need him. Make him feel like a man.

#5 – Let him know when he finds your ON button.

What do I mean by that? Here is an example:

My ex-husband and I had a ‘ no power cord ‘ rule for all gift-giving occasions. He could not buy me anything that included a power cord. One year, for Mother ‘ s Day, he took a risk and bought me a garage door opener. I LOVED it. I loved it so much that that night he got lucky.

He was delighted and amazed when he realized that he had the ability to make me so happy that he could flip my switch. From then on he worked diligently to find things that he could do that would activate my ON button.

And really, that was a win-win situation for both of us.

In this crazy world it seems like keeping our man happy shouldn ‘ t be a priority. I mean, they aren ‘ t children – why can ‘ t they take care of themselves? But the reality is is that everybody needs to be taken care of. Sincere efforts need to be made to allow your partner to feel loved and cherished, and to love and cherish you in return.

So follow these steps, even if they seem a little at odds with what you believe about the modern man and woman. It will be worth it.

Maybe next week I will write about how to keep your woman happy. That might be a little more complicated…

If you have made it this far you must really want to keep your man happy?
Let me help you, NOW, and get therelationshipyou have always wanted!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here and let’s get started!

 

5 Reasons to Love Valentine’s Day – Even if You Are Single

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Valentines Day is here! The day you have been waiting for all year. A day that is all about love and chocolate. Really what else does one need?

Except, oh yeah, you aren ‘ t in a relationship this year and you are going to be the ONLY one without a date. Woe is you.

C ‘ mon people. Valentine ‘ s Day is a day to celebrate love. In all it ‘ s forms. So let ‘ s do it!

#1 – The pressure is off.

I have a client who just yesterday was lamenting that Valentine ‘ s Day was right around the corner. Every year she has such big expectations for the day and every year her husband lets her down completely. One year he split a dozen roses with a co-worker and brought them home. Really.

Did you know that post – Valentine ‘ s Day is the #2 time of year for break ups (#1 is right after New Years when people think ‘ I am not going to do one more holiday with this person. ‘ ). And the reason for Valentine ‘ s break ups is because people feel let down once again.

This year you get to make whatever you want out of your Valentine ‘ s Day. What do you want to do? Get a bunch of friends and drink tequila? Go to a sappy movie? Dance the night away? Whatever you want. The sky is the limit.

And just imagine that, for once, Valentine ‘ s Day will be everything that you want it to be.

#2 – Eat chocolate.

Let ‘ s get right down to it. Valentine ‘ s Day is particularly about the love of chocolate. And who doesn ‘ t love chocolate. So eat some. As much as you want.

Word on the street is that dark chocolate is the best for you. It is very nutritious, is a great source of anti-oxidents, it improves blood flow and lowers blood pressure and it helps balance your cholesterol.

Personally, I like milk chocolate which may not have the same qualities as dark but it makes me smile every time I eat it. Especially if there is caramel in the middle.

So eat chocolate! On this day as much as you want. It ‘ s not like you are going to have to get naked in front of someone at the end of the day. Do it!

I personally have a bowl of chocolate pudding with my name on it in my fridge, waiting for me to indulge. Kind of exciting.

#3 – You can love that most important person. Yourself.

This is a tough one. It ‘ s really hard to love ourselves much less put ourselves first on the list of those we love. But it ‘ s very important that we do and Valentine ‘ s Day is a great day to practice that.

I personally have a list of the things that I love about myself and that list is going to be front and center for me on Valentine ‘ s Day.

I love that I am a direct and honest person, sometimes to a fault, but it is a thing that people say they love about me. I love that I have so many friends who know they can rely on me to be there, anytime and anywhere. I love that I am funny and sarcastic and a fabulous flirt. I love how I feel walking down the street in my tight jeans and cowboy boots. I love the work I do with my clients. I love that I am 51 and rocking it.

There is a lot to love about me and damn if I am not going to recognize that on this day that is all about love.

And I am going to eat some chocolate to celebrate how awesome I am.

#4 – It ‘ s a reminder that it’s time to make a move.

It ‘ s so easy to just give up on our search for love. This modern world makes finding love difficult. We are all so busy and connected to our devices and it ‘ s very hard to look up and see all of the people who are around us.

Now is the time to take stock of how important a relationship is to you. I know many of my clients say that they are just fine, that being alone is way better because they have their own lives. And this is true. If you are happy alone then you are very healthy.

But it ‘ s okay to want to be in a relationship. It is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign that you are strong enough to define what you want and go out there and get it.

Try registering with a dating site. Join a Meet Up that will bring you together with like-minded people. Go to the park and smile at that cute guy who is walking past. Tell all your friends that they need to set you up with someone. Visualize that ideal partner in your head. Believe that you can get it.

Set a goal. Make a plan. Put yourself out there. Find love. You can do it!

#5 – Celebrate that love is all around you.

The first words in the movie ‘ Love Actually, ‘ spoken by Hugh Grant, are as follows:

Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.

Those words gives me shivers every time.

So look around. Look at the love that is all around you every day.

For me, every night I look at the moon and I think of the people that I love who are looking at that very same moon. I can feel the love and I am thankful. The world is big and love is everywhere.

Valentine ‘ s Day might at times seem like a Hallmark & Hershey holiday but really what does it matter because it is an excuse to celebrate love.

So don ‘ t waste the day. Take a look around and notice the people, places and things you love. Don ‘ t forget to look in the mirror too.

Because love is all around us. How lucky are we?

Are you strugglingwithnot being in a relationship?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help you do what needs to be done to find one!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

 

5 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Solid – Even if You Have A Lot Going On

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Relationships and love. Everyone says, and, I think, truly believes, that without love, the world just doesn ‘ t go around. Love is a powerful thing that makes everything a little shinier. We all want it.

And yet, ironically, it is relationships that are usually the first thing to be set aside as we live these chaotic, jam-packed and exhausting lives. Work, kids, and exercise, all come first, leaving love sitting on the sidelines, lonely and neglected.

Doing the work that I have done for years with clients, and living my life, has given me a tremendous amount of insight into the damage we do, more often than not unwittingly. I want to share that insight with you today.

Here is my latest, 5 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Solid – Even if You Have A Lot Going On.

#1 – Keep your promises.

Promises. They are usually made with such good intentions but when they are broken there can be disastrous consequences.

Promises have to do with trust. If you make a promise and don ‘ t keep it then trust is lost. It ‘ s better to not make a promise that you can ‘ t keep then continue to break ones that you do.

I have a client whose boyfriend kept promising her that she could meet his kids. And yet every time a meeting was set up there was always an excuse about why it couldn’t happen. Eventually, she stopped wanting to meet his kids, and, ultimately, she stopped wanting to be with him.

Her trust in him had been lost. And without trust, what is there?

Make your promises carefully. Remember how important they are for maintaining trust. And love.

#2 – Make your limited time quality time.

Yes, we are all busy, with lots on our minds and many pressures. But it is important to take a few minutes to connect with your partner. Not a quick phone call between meetings, talking about yourself and your worries, but a real connection.

Next time you are together, take a moment and look at your partner and ask them how they are doing. Listen to them without interrupting. Don ‘ t try to fix anything, just listen.

Listening without judgment is very powerful. Letting your partner know they are cared about, and being heard, is a powerful way to express love. And knowing how your partner is doing will only make you feel closer.

#3 – Use your words.

How many times has a client said to me ‘ I don ‘ t have to tell him I love him. He knows. ‘

Thousands, I am afraid.

Think back to the last time that your partner told you that you were beautiful, or sexy, or that they loved your laugh. Even if you have heard it from them a million times didn ‘ t it make you feel great?

Words are very powerful. Use them for good. And for love.

#4 – Touch, touch, touch, touch.

One cannot underestimate the importance of the power of touch. I am not talking about sexual touch (although it ‘ s power should not be discounted) but simple affectionate touch.

A hug, holding hands, a kiss, a light pat on the butt. These are all examples of physical affection that can keep you bonded to your partner every day.

Did you know that a hug produces oxytocin, a chemical known to enhance mood? That a pat on the butt can make someone feel sexy and wanted? That holding hands as you walk down the street makes you feel like you can take on the world? Don’t even get me started on kissing…

So reach out and touch your partner today. Don’t make them ask for it. It ‘ s quick, easy and fun, with huge payoffs.

#5 – Don ‘ t take anyone for granted.

Let me state that one again. Don ‘ t take anyone for granted.

When we first fall in love our attention is completely focused on that one person. But as time goes by we get distracted by life and we can start to neglect the one we love. We know they are there, and we assume that they will always be there, so we stop tending the relationship. And the consequences can again be disastrous.

This I can tell you from personal experience. No matter how awful I was to him, my husband always promised me that he would never leave me. I didn ‘ t mean to, but because of this I took him for granted and while I planned to change my behaviour I never quite made it happen.

And guess what. He left me.

So pay attention to that person in bed next to you. One day they just might be gone, and where would you be then?

There you go, my 5 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Solid.

‘ There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved, ‘ said George Sands 100 years ago. And nothing today has changed. We can succeed in our careers, be as fit as a 20-year-old and have the perfect golf game but without love what does it all matter?

I know that if I had followed my advice (if I had known it then), my marriage might have had a chance. I certainly regret not working harder at changing those behaviours.

So don’t let love live on the sidelines. Bring it out to the centre field, into the sunshine, where it can be all it can be. You can do it.

Look for more help tending your relationship. Contact me, and I can help.

 

5 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me on My Wedding Day

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Marriage doesn ‘ t come with a manual. I wish it did. Because after the vows have been said, the doves have been released, and the dress has been put in dry storage, comes marriage.

And as much as we would like to believe it ‘ s all happily ever after, it often isn ‘ t.

But it CAN be. All you need is some awareness and a willingness to act.

Here is my latest – 5 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me on My Wedding Day – Even If I Might Not Have Wanted to Hear Them.

#1 – Communicate, Communicate, Communicate.

One of the most disturbing aspects of many marriages is that after a while, communication just stops.

Sure, there is lots of logistical stuff to discuss – when we are coming home for dinner, where the kids ‘ soccer games are, and what time we are meeting the in-laws on Sunday.

But real communication, expressing of feelings, frustrations, hopes, dreams and longings, ceases.

Marriage is a 24/7 commitment. During those days, and years, lots of issues can arise, issues that can be hurtful and cause resentment. Instead of being addressed immediately, feelings are often left unsaid. It can just seem too scary to go there, to share how we feel and not know what the response will be. So we don’t.

And then, before we know it, it ‘ s easier to just not say anything, to do the dishes or spend longer at the office, doing anything to avoid difficult conversations. We do this assuming that the issues will be dealt with eventually. Like after Christmas, after Memorial Day or when the kids go off to college.

If you only take one thing away from this article, it ‘ s this: keep communicating. Your marriage, and your life, will be better if you do.

#2 – Have lots of sex.

I know newlyweds will laugh now at the prospect of no longer having sex with their partner. ‘ That won ‘ t be us, ‘ they say.

But it very well could be.

We know that anger and resentment can build in a marriage because of unexpressed feelings. There is no better libido killer for a woman than anger and resentment. And there is no better way to create anger and resentment in a man than the absence of sex.

Intimacy is key to maintaining closeness in a marriage. Touching, kissing, feeling loved and having orgasms are all a big part of this. Marriage without sex is simply a business arrangement.

So push past the anger and resentment and make love with your partner. Or, better yet, kill the anger and resentment with communication and happily make love every night.

You will be happy you did in the moment and long term.

#3 – Remember to respect each other.

There is a concept called the ‘ contempt of the familiar. ‘ This concept occurs when people get to know each other very well. Too well perhaps. We know how the other person looks when flossing their teeth, how they leave their pants hanging on the door, how they slurp their coffee or that they fart in bed.

Perhaps at one time you thought these things cute but now, as time has gone by, they drive you nuts. They might even repel you.

Mutual respect is a key to any successful marriage. Your partner ‘ s mannerisms or ways of doing things might not jibe with your own and this can lead to developing a dislike of who they are. And if you don’t like someone it’s hard to respect them.

Have I mentioned the importance of communication yet?

Tell your partner that something they are doing is making it difficult for you to be with them. Don ‘ t just write them off as a lost cause, thinking ‘ If they loved me they would do this differently. ‘ We are all human beings trying to do the best that we can, and if you are honest with yourself, you know that they aren’t doing any of those things to spite you. They just do them. And can change if asked. Nicely.

Give your partner a chance to keep your respect and allow them to respect you in return.

And sex is way better when you respect your partner. In case you didn’t know.

#4 – Don ‘ t let your extended family get in the way of your new one.

No matter how old we are when we get married, we have many years of experience and tradition with our extended families. Holidays spent just so, toilet paper rolls that roll out on top instead of under, sarcasm that is part of every family get-together.

The extended family is wonderful and part of who we are, but the priority now is the new family. The one we are creating with our partner.

Of course, it ‘ s important to respect our family traditions, but if doing so is at the expense of the new relationship, it needs to be addressed. If the birthday tradition on one side is the whole family gathered and lots of gifts exchanged, and the birthday tradition on the other side involves quietly celebrating with friends, then a conversation needs to be had.

Have I mentioned the importance of communication yet?

Both sides of the family need to be told, respectfully, that while all family traditions are important what is important now is how the new family wants to make their own traditions. Compromises might need to be made but it is important that both partners feel like their new life as a couple is their own.

#5 – Know that a baby is going to change everything.

I know! Having a baby is so exciting. From ‘ starting to try, ‘ to nine months of watching it grow, to baby showers and then childbirth (!!) it ‘ s all so wonderful and new and partners are bound closer than ever.

And then the baby is born, and all bets are off.

Like when we get married, no one hands us a manual when we become parents. This means that from day one, we are flying by the seat of our pants. Women most often immediately change their focus from their husbands to their child. Men are left wondering what happened to their life. Yes, the child is delightful, but dinners together, time with friends, and free time for athletics are all suddenly gone. Not to mention the sex.

It ‘ s important to be aware that the baby will change everything and prepare and allow for it. Know that everyone is going to be exhausted, that things are going to be messy, and that the next 18 years will be an evolution and a revolution like you have never been through before.

Commit to making it through those years together. Communicate like you did when you were first married, perhaps even more so, have as much sex as you can squeeze into your week and continue to love and respect each other even as life gets challenging.

It won ‘ t be easy, but it will be worth it.

So there you go. My 5 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me on My Wedding Day.

I was married for 20 years and have been divorced for 5. I have spent a lot of time reflecting about what went wrong in my marriage. What I do know is that we, as a couple, got lost in our family. We gave up who WE were to please everyone else: our kids, our in-laws, our friends. We stopped looking at each other with love, talking about our feelings, hugging each other, and respecting each other.

We were business partners. Our family was a successful business, but our marriage fell apart.

I am madly in love with a new man now, one I very much hope to marry. And believe me; I won ‘ t make the same mistakes twice.

Marriage is truly a wondrous thing and can be a big part of living the life of your dreams.

So do what I suggest. And don ‘ t ever stop.

Looking for more ideas about how to keep your marriage strong? Contact me, and I can help.

5 Things to Do Now Summer is Over

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Two days of the year mark major times of transition – Labor Day and New Year ‘ s Day.

Both days mark the end of a season and the beginning of a period when things shift. Both days are full of the possibilities of great things to come.

Labor Day just happened, which means one question – what kind of things to do now that summer is over?

It ‘ s important not to let this time of transition slip by you without standing still and taking notes. Times of transition are when important things happen. Who wants to miss out on that?

So pay attention. Life is short. Don ‘ t let it pass you by.Here is my latest…

#1 – Take A Deep Breath:

Summer is always a crazy time. School is out, and routines are broken. The weather is great, and you want to be outside. There are BBQs with friends and family reunions. The kids are out of school, and you are all running from activity to activity.

And now it’s over. You must pause, if only for a moment but hopefully more, and take a deep breath.

Think about your summer. What was joyous, and what was not so much? Think about the time spent with family and friends. Think about the conversations and insights, and experiences that you had.

Remember, consider, and relish the summer of 2016.

Why? Because what happened this summer could influence what comes next for you. In many ways, you are not the same person you were on July 4th.

#2 – Choose A Room And Clean It Out:

Nothing helps clear the head during the transition, like cleaning a room. Something about the energy of throwing away all that stuff works wonders for gaining some clarity and vision.

So choose a room, the laundry room, the closet, or the garage. Allot a few hours on a Saturday and go at it.

Choose a corner of the room, a garbage bag in hand, and throw things away. Things that you aren ‘ t using that are broken, that are expired. Put them in that garbage bag. Things you are still using and keeping get placed back where they belong.

If you aren ‘ t sure whether or not something needs to be thrown out, consider when the last time was that you touched that thing or even thought about it. If it was over 3 months ago, it ‘ s gone. Acknowledge and be thankful for its role in your life, and then say goodbye.

Work your way around the room, repeating this process. Don ‘ t skip ahead. Do all four sides of the room.

When you are done, notice where you are; you will feel lighter and more clearheaded about what you want. And later on, if you start to feel overwhelmed, visit that cleaned-out room. You will be glad you did.

#3 – Take A Good Hard Look At What You Want For Your Life:

Every year at New Year we make resolutions. Resolutions about how things are going to be different this year. We will be happier. We will be nicer to our spouses. We will excel at work.

More often than not, those resolutions fall by the wayside.

One big reason that resolutions fail is that we make them without looking at how they fit into our lives. Can we decide to be happier? To be nicer to our spouse? To be more patient at work? Not so much.

To stick to a resolution, you have to define how you can make changes within the parameters of your life. To be happier, you need to know what makes you unhappy. To be nicer to your spouse, you must examine why you aren ‘ t nice to them now. And why ARE you so impatient with your co-workers?

Take some time and identify where you are in your life. Are you living a life that makes you happy? That makes you proud? Is that consistent with the life goals you set for yourself when you were younger?

Make resolutions for the fall. And examine how you can make them stick. Remember, now is your time.

#4 – Make A List of What Next Steps To Take:

A big part of keeping your resolutions is listing what will help you stick to them. To live the life of your dreams.

Would being happier mean that you spend an hour a day painting? Or perhaps mentoring a child in need? Or dancing around the kitchen before dinner?

What would have to happen for you to be nicer to your spouse? Would identifying what makes you unkind be a good first step?

Would take a deep breath before speaking help? Perhaps recognizing that you need to take a bigger approach and seek counseling?

And what about your patience at work? Is it a pesky co-worker or boss? Is it boredom or frustration? Would working on your resume so you can transition to a new job make it better?

Make a list. Think about those resolutions and picture how you can make them happen. And then write it down. And then read it. And then take action.

You can do it!

#5 – Do Something Really Fun For Yourself:

Yes, I have challenged you to reach for some lofty goals. And I hope you will take me up on the challenge.

But first, do something for yourself. Something that makes your heart sing. It can be anything.

Reread the whole Harry Potter series. Buy every kind of Ben and Jerry ‘ s and try a new flavor every night. Go to Victoria ‘ s Secret and buy something that makes you feel great. Take your car out on a back road and drive fast, sun-roof open, music blaring.

The sky is the limit. And it ‘ s yours for the taking.

Summer was wonderful and is now over. Fall and winter approach.

Take the time to look at your life and make sure you are consciously doing things now that summer is over but also make sure you take care of yourself along the way.

Remember. You only have one life to live. Make sure that it ‘ s the life you have always wanted. Full of joy, purpose, and love.

Looking for more ideas about living the life of your dreams? Contact me now, and let’s get started.

How To Heal A Broken Heart And Move On: 5 Ways

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I remember so well my first broken heart. It was 9th grade, and Bobby Fortunato, the guy of my dreams, had just broken up with me. We had been going out for two whole weeks. My mom took pity on me and let me stay home in bed and eat jello. I remember it like it was yesterday.

Truly, there might be nothing as bad as a broken heart.

The pain, both in your heart and in your head, is almost unbearable. The end of a relationship is like a death ‘ ¦ you grieve for your loss, and you feel a huge emptiness that you are sure you will never again be able to fill.

How To Heal A Broken Heart And Move On:

Finding ways to heal and move on from this kind of pain can be challenging, but it is possible. In this section I am going to provide tips and strategies to heal a broken heart and move on, so you can start to feel more optimistic about your future.

Whether you’re going through a recent breakup or have been struggling with the aftermath for some time, this guide will offer practical advice on overcoming your heartache and starting the healing process.

#1 – Pay Attention to Your Body:

Most likely, your body is in physical pain due to psychological suffering. And the most likely center point of that pain is your stomach. The pain is sharp and relentless, making you feel like you will die.

That pain is from anxiety. Anxiety that you are less than, that you will never love again, that you will be alone, that you are unlovable. That pain comes directly from your brain, from your thoughts.

Not so helpful, right?

There are two ways to deal with that pain.

The first is to talk back to that brain of yours. Tell it that it is ridiculous. That you are amazing, that this loss will only create new opportunities, that you aren ‘ t now, nor ever will you be, alone. It ‘ s not easy, but you can do it.

The second is to remember to breathe. Big deep breaths that go down to your belly. Breathe in for 3 seconds and out for 4. This kind of breathing will calm the stress response in your body, ease your stomach pain and help clear your head. Repeat as necessary.

#2 – Manage Your Media:

This is a key element in grief management. You have music; you have video; you have social media. USE THEM. They will get you out of your head and inspire you to be powerful. I make a playlist when I am going through hard times. The songs are about empowerment, survival, about living life fully. They go on my I-phone and then get played in my car as I go about my day. And yes, I sing along. Loudly.

Movies work the same way. So many movies are about overcoming the odds, overcoming hard times, and emerging better than before. Find them. Watch them. Be inspired by them. Even cry with them (yes, crying is ok. even good. sometimes great. but don’t wallow).

Be careful of social media. Yes, it is a great tool for feeling connected and distracted, but if you tend to stalk and it causes you pain, then tread lightly. YouTube might be better than Facebook ‘ ¦or so my teenage daughter tells me.

#3 – Do Good:

Nothing feels better than helping out someone in need.

Helping out someone else while you are at your lowest feels even better, believe it or not. When you are grieving, it is easy to turn inside yourself to feel like you are in the worst place a person could be. And while where you do suck, others out there are as bad off or worse. And by helping them, you are also helping yourself.

There are plenty of ways to help out. You can help an elderly neighbor mow their lawn, volunteer at a library, and help children learn to read. Hospitals are always in need of people to help in a variety of capacities. I worked in palliative care for a while. Wow, did that give me some perspective and appreciation of the life I was living?

Pick one. Do it. See how good it makes you feel and make someone else feel better.

#4 – Get Hot:

Yes, you read that right. Get hot.

Exercise is one of the best ways to manage grief. During exercise, your body produces endorphins, and endorphins make you feel better. And, as a side benefit, exercise also gets you in shape.

Imagine having the body you have always wanted – you know what body I am talking about. Now is the time to get it. Start exercising to help manage your grief and use it to get in great shape and feel better about yourself.

And, while it ‘ s not about revenge, let your ex eat his heart out when next he sees you!

#5 – Believe, Believe, Believe:

Yes, right now, your heart is broken. You can ‘ t imagine getting through this day or the next. You know that you will never love or be loved again. Sigh.

No! You have to believe. You have to believe that your great love is out there. You are more than a little loveable, and what you are going through is only temporary. Think about what you want and work on truly believing that you will get it. And then take steps to do so.

You can do it!

And, if you are feeling hot and full of self-confidence from all that exercise and surviving your grief, imagine what that special someone will think when they first lays eyes on you. WOW! Now that ‘ s a great place for your pesky brain to go, don ‘ t you think?

Your world seems like it is over, but it ‘ s not. There are ways to survive a broken heart, even if it seems impossible.

Use my coping techniques, and not only will you get through today and tomorrow in one piece, but you will also build the strength of body and character that will ultimately help you achieve your dreams and find the love of your life.

If you ‘ ve made it this far, you must be struggling with a broken.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before your pain overwhelms you.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

Understanding the 5 Love Languages In 2025

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The 5 Love Languages, as introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman in his book “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate,” are the different ways people prefer to give and receive love.

These Love Languages include Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Receiving Gifts.

Love is the foundation of any relationship but is not always expressed similarly. Each individual has a unique way of expressing and receiving love, which can often lead to misunderstandings and miscommunications in a relationship.

This is where the concept of the 5 Love Languages comes into play.

We might feel loved when we get a piece of jewelry as an expression of affection, but our partner might feel loved by spending a full day together, just the two of you. We might feel loved when we get a hug, but our partner might feel loved if we take out the trash.

Understanding 5 love languages:

The key is learning what your partner needs to feel loved. Your partner will truly feel loved when you learn what that is and express your love using those actions.

Now let me explain each Love Language and the ways to understand them.

#1 – Quality Time:

Quality Time refers to spending time with your partner without distractions or interruptions. It is not about the quantity of time spent together but rather the quality of that time. Quality Time activities include walking, having dinner together, or watching a movie.

Nothing says ‘ I love you ‘ like full, undivided attention. Being there for this person is critical, but being there ‘ ”with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby ‘ ”makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Whether it is spending uninterrupted time talking with someone else or doing activities together, you deepen your connection with others through sharing time.

#2 – Words of Affirmation:

Actions don ‘ t always speak louder than words. Unsolicited compliments mean the world to you if this is your love language. Hearing ‘ I love you ‘ is important ‘ ” hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. You thrive on hearing kind and encouraging words that build you up.

To show love through Words of Affirmation, try giving compliments, expressing gratitude, or leaving notes for your partner. These small gestures can go a long way in making them feel loved and valued.

#3 – Physical Touch:

A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm ‘ ”they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

To show love through Physical Touch, try hugging your partner, holding hands, or kissing them. These small gestures can create deep intimacy and connection between partners.

#4 – Acts of Service:

Can helping with homework be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an ‘ Acts of Service ‘ person will speak volumes. He or she most wants to hear the words: ‘ Let me do that for you. ‘ Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don ‘ t matter. When others serve you out of love (and not obligation), you feel truly valued and loved.

#5 – Receiving Gifts:

Don ‘ t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, cared for, and prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you.

A missed birthday or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous ‘ ”so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are heartfelt symbols of someone else’s love and affection for you.

So now you are familiar with the 5 Love Languages. What to do next?

Go to Gary Chapman ‘ s website, www.5lovelanguages.com, and, along with your partner, take the assessment. You will learn which of the love languages are yours, and your partner will learn which are theirs.

Once you both know each others ‘ love languages, you can stop stabbing blindly in the dark and tell your partner you love them in a language they will understand.

The result? Loving and being loved. One of the keys to happiness and an essential part of living the life of your dreams.

Want more ideas about how to connect with your partner? I can help! Contact me now, and let ‘ s get you started on the path to the relationship of your dreams.

How To Stop Fighting With Your Husband In 2023 (5 Best Ways)

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Are you wondering how to stop fighting with your husband? Has the frequency and intensity of your fighting grown over time? Do you want to stop fighting so that you can find your way back to each other?

Conflict. We all have it.

We get angry with our mothers, friends, bosses, and kids. It is our husbands, those we have chosen to love and cherish for a lifetime, with whom we seem to get the angriest. And this conflict, this anger, with our husbands can be very destructive and get in the way of living the life of our dreams.

Best Ways To Stop Fighting With Your Husband:

However, there are ways to get through conflict, which is way easier than one would think.

#1 – Carefully choose the time to talk.

This is key.

If you talk to your husband angrily, you will say things you might not mean to say. Words said in the heat of the moment tend to cause much pain and are not necessarily accurate.

Try to wait at least 2 hours after a disturbance before speaking up. This will give you a chance to calm down and speak more clearly. If you can talk calmly about precisely what you are upset about, then you will be more likely to be able to work it out and not let the quarrel escalate.

Also, don ‘ t pick a known stressful time to talk, like during bedtime or just after work. Pick a time when you are calm and can approach the conversation with good energy instead of evil. Calm time can be hard to find, but you can find it when adequately motivated.

#2 – Do not attack.

This is very important and something that many of us do without thinking. And it gets us nowhere.

Let ‘ s say that your husband is always getting home from work late. Instead of saying, ‘ You are always late. Why do you have to be such a jerk? ‘ try saying, ‘ It makes me sad when you are always home late from work. I work hard to get us all together for a family dinner, and I miss it when you aren ‘ t there. ‘

Look carefully at the difference here. If you use the first example, your husband will immediately get on the defensive, and the conversation will end before it begins.

A man and woman playing wii in the kitchen.

In the second example, you are sharing how you FEEL, and no one can argue with how you FEEL. And how you feel is the truth.

What is not the truth is that your husband is a jerk for coming home late.

#3 – Make sure they know you are listening.

This is very hard to do and can feel contrived, but it is crucial to listening and being heard.

It ‘ s called a thoughtful response.

In the case of the example above, with the husband who didn ‘ t come home in time for dinner, the perfect response for him to say would be: ‘ I am sorry that my being late for dinner made you so sad. ‘ With that statement, you know your husband has understood what you are trying to say, which might deflate the argument.

The worst thing you can do is yell back at them, not letting them speak and get their feelings out. Because if you do that, the issue will come up again. Over and over and over.

#4 – Try to remember that we are all only human.

We all make mistakes. More often than not, our troublesome actions are not a reflection of our feelings about someone but are the result of a variety of things (time, motivation, energy level, distractions) that all work together and create a situation that isn ‘ t ideal.

A client of mine’s husband came home on Saturday without picking out the windows he promised her he would pick out. Furious, she said, ‘if you loved me, you would have picked out the windows.’

His mother had called when he was on his way, and he had to run over to help her with something. Yes, it’s not ideal, but it is why he couldn’t do what she had asked, not because he didn’t love him.

Next time you react to something your husband does, take a moment to figure out why it happened. Perhaps you won ‘ t need the two hours to decompress after all.

#5 – Be ready to say sorry and to forgive.

This can be the hardest thing for people ‘ ¦ to say they are sorry and to forgive perceived wrongs… but it is one of the most essential parts of any relationship.

Why don ‘ t we want to say we are sorry? Because it will convey weakness? Because we can ‘ t let go of our anger? Because we are embarrassed by our actions?

Whatever the reason, we need to learn how to do it. Next time you disagree with your husband, try apologizing. See how quickly the anger deflates on both sides.

With the husband who came home late, he should start with, ‘I am sorry that my lateness made you sad. That is apologizing not for the lateness but because of his wife’s pain.

What shouldn’t be said is, “I am sorry that my lateness made you sad, BUT I couldn’t help it.” In an apology, a BUT makes the apology completely ineffective. The BUT means you are making an excuse. You caused pain, no matter the reason, and that needs to be acknowledged.

Similarly, we need to forgive and not hold onto anger. Holding on to anger is one of the most destructive forces in any relationship. If your partner apologizes for his or her actions, you need to find it in your heart to remember that they are only human and that they have taken responsibility for their actions, and that life must move forward.

Final Words:

Arguing with your husband can be a common occurrence in any relationship. Still, it can adversely affect your mental and emotional well-being when it becomes frequent and disruptive. Understanding the causes of your arguments, using effective communication strategies, preventing arguments before they happen, and dealing with ongoing issues are crucial steps to stopping fighting with your husband and maintaining a healthy and happy relationship.

Remember that relationships take work, and moving past arguments and building stronger, healthier relationships is possible. Learning to stop fighting with your husband is vital to keeping your marriage healthy.

Conflict and the resulting anger with anyone can be devastating, especially with a partner. Left unchecked, anger can take on a life of its own and destroy everything in its path.

Don ‘ t let that happen to you. Try to carefully choose your time to talk. Don’t attack. Let them know you are listening and don’t hold on to the anger.

And then, perhaps, you can settle down to a lovely peaceful, conflict-free evening.

Sounds worth it, no?

Do youwant to know more about how to stop fighting with your husband?
Let me help you NOW before it’s too late!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, and let’s get started!

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