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Understanding the 5 Love Languages In 2025

July 24, 2016/2 Comments/by Mitzi Bockmann

 

The 5 Love Languages, as introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman in his book “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate,” are the different ways people prefer to give and receive love.

These Love Languages include Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Receiving Gifts.

Love is the foundation of any relationship but is not always expressed similarly. Each individual has a unique way of expressing and receiving love, which can often lead to misunderstandings and miscommunications in a relationship.

This is where the concept of the 5 Love Languages comes into play.

We might feel loved when we get a piece of jewelry as an expression of affection, but our partner might feel loved by spending a full day together, just the two of you. We might feel loved when we get a hug, but our partner might feel loved if we take out the trash.

Understanding 5 love languages:

The key is learning what your partner needs to feel loved. Your partner will truly feel loved when you learn what that is and express your love using those actions.

Now let me explain each Love Language and the ways to understand them.

#1 – Quality Time:

Quality Time refers to spending time with your partner without distractions or interruptions. It is not about the quantity of time spent together but rather the quality of that time. Quality Time activities include walking, having dinner together, or watching a movie.

Nothing says ‘ I love you ‘ like full, undivided attention. Being there for this person is critical, but being there ‘ ”with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby ‘ ”makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Whether it is spending uninterrupted time talking with someone else or doing activities together, you deepen your connection with others through sharing time.

#2 – Words of Affirmation:

Actions don ‘ t always speak louder than words. Unsolicited compliments mean the world to you if this is your love language. Hearing ‘ I love you ‘ is important ‘ ” hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. You thrive on hearing kind and encouraging words that build you up.

To show love through Words of Affirmation, try giving compliments, expressing gratitude, or leaving notes for your partner. These small gestures can go a long way in making them feel loved and valued.

#3 – Physical Touch:

A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm ‘ ”they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

To show love through Physical Touch, try hugging your partner, holding hands, or kissing them. These small gestures can create deep intimacy and connection between partners.

#4 – Acts of Service:

Can helping with homework be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an ‘ Acts of Service ‘ person will speak volumes. He or she most wants to hear the words: ‘ Let me do that for you. ‘ Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don ‘ t matter. When others serve you out of love (and not obligation), you feel truly valued and loved.

#5 – Receiving Gifts:

Don ‘ t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, cared for, and prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you.

A missed birthday or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous ‘ ”so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are heartfelt symbols of someone else’s love and affection for you.

So now you are familiar with the 5 Love Languages. What to do next?

Go to Gary Chapman ‘ s website, www.5lovelanguages.com, and, along with your partner, take the assessment. You will learn which of the love languages are yours, and your partner will learn which are theirs.

Once you both know each others ‘ love languages, you can stop stabbing blindly in the dark and tell your partner you love them in a language they will understand.

The result? Loving and being loved. One of the keys to happiness and an essential part of living the life of your dreams.

Want more ideas about how to connect with your partner? I can help! Contact me now, and let ‘ s get you started on the path to the relationship of your dreams.

Mitzi Bockmann
Mitzi Bockmann

I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention,  Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.

How To Stop Fighting With Your Husband In 2023 (5 Best Ways)

June 9, 2016/2 Comments/by Mitzi Bockmann


Are you wondering how to stop fighting with your husband? Has the frequency and intensity of your fighting grown over time? Do you want to stop fighting so that you can find your way back to each other?

Conflict. We all have it.

We get angry with our mothers, friends, bosses, and kids. It is our husbands, those we have chosen to love and cherish for a lifetime, with whom we seem to get the angriest. And this conflict, this anger, with our husbands can be very destructive and get in the way of living the life of our dreams.

Best Ways To Stop Fighting With Your Husband:

However, there are ways to get through conflict, which is way easier than one would think.

#1 – Carefully choose the time to talk.

This is key.

If you talk to your husband angrily, you will say things you might not mean to say. Words said in the heat of the moment tend to cause much pain and are not necessarily accurate.

Try to wait at least 2 hours after a disturbance before speaking up. This will give you a chance to calm down and speak more clearly. If you can talk calmly about precisely what you are upset about, then you will be more likely to be able to work it out and not let the quarrel escalate.

Also, don ‘ t pick a known stressful time to talk, like during bedtime or just after work. Pick a time when you are calm and can approach the conversation with good energy instead of evil. Calm time can be hard to find, but you can find it when adequately motivated.

#2 – Do not attack.

This is very important and something that many of us do without thinking. And it gets us nowhere.

Let ‘ s say that your husband is always getting home from work late. Instead of saying, ‘ You are always late. Why do you have to be such a jerk? ‘ try saying, ‘ It makes me sad when you are always home late from work. I work hard to get us all together for a family dinner, and I miss it when you aren ‘ t there. ‘

Look carefully at the difference here. If you use the first example, your husband will immediately get on the defensive, and the conversation will end before it begins.

A man and woman playing wii in the kitchen.

In the second example, you are sharing how you FEEL, and no one can argue with how you FEEL. And how you feel is the truth.

What is not the truth is that your husband is a jerk for coming home late.

#3 – Make sure they know you are listening.

This is very hard to do and can feel contrived, but it is crucial to listening and being heard.

It ‘ s called a thoughtful response.

In the case of the example above, with the husband who didn ‘ t come home in time for dinner, the perfect response for him to say would be: ‘ I am sorry that my being late for dinner made you so sad. ‘ With that statement, you know your husband has understood what you are trying to say, which might deflate the argument.

The worst thing you can do is yell back at them, not letting them speak and get their feelings out. Because if you do that, the issue will come up again. Over and over and over.

#4 – Try to remember that we are all only human.

We all make mistakes. More often than not, our troublesome actions are not a reflection of our feelings about someone but are the result of a variety of things (time, motivation, energy level, distractions) that all work together and create a situation that isn ‘ t ideal.

A client of mine’s husband came home on Saturday without picking out the windows he promised her he would pick out. Furious, she said, ‘if you loved me, you would have picked out the windows.’

His mother had called when he was on his way, and he had to run over to help her with something. Yes, it’s not ideal, but it is why he couldn’t do what she had asked, not because he didn’t love him.

Next time you react to something your husband does, take a moment to figure out why it happened. Perhaps you won ‘ t need the two hours to decompress after all.

#5 – Be ready to say sorry and to forgive.

This can be the hardest thing for people ‘ ¦ to say they are sorry and to forgive perceived wrongs… but it is one of the most essential parts of any relationship.

Why don ‘ t we want to say we are sorry? Because it will convey weakness? Because we can ‘ t let go of our anger? Because we are embarrassed by our actions?

Whatever the reason, we need to learn how to do it. Next time you disagree with your husband, try apologizing. See how quickly the anger deflates on both sides.

With the husband who came home late, he should start with, ‘I am sorry that my lateness made you sad. That is apologizing not for the lateness but because of his wife’s pain.

What shouldn’t be said is, “I am sorry that my lateness made you sad, BUT I couldn’t help it.” In an apology, a BUT makes the apology completely ineffective. The BUT means you are making an excuse. You caused pain, no matter the reason, and that needs to be acknowledged.

Similarly, we need to forgive and not hold onto anger. Holding on to anger is one of the most destructive forces in any relationship. If your partner apologizes for his or her actions, you need to find it in your heart to remember that they are only human and that they have taken responsibility for their actions, and that life must move forward.

Final Words:

Arguing with your husband can be a common occurrence in any relationship. Still, it can adversely affect your mental and emotional well-being when it becomes frequent and disruptive. Understanding the causes of your arguments, using effective communication strategies, preventing arguments before they happen, and dealing with ongoing issues are crucial steps to stopping fighting with your husband and maintaining a healthy and happy relationship.

Remember that relationships take work, and moving past arguments and building stronger, healthier relationships is possible. Learning to stop fighting with your husband is vital to keeping your marriage healthy.

Conflict and the resulting anger with anyone can be devastating, especially with a partner. Left unchecked, anger can take on a life of its own and destroy everything in its path.

Don ‘ t let that happen to you. Try to carefully choose your time to talk. Don’t attack. Let them know you are listening and don’t hold on to the anger.

And then, perhaps, you can settle down to a lovely peaceful, conflict-free evening.

Sounds worth it, no?

Do youwant to know more about how to stop fighting with your husband?
Let me help you NOW before it’s too late!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, and let’s get started!

Mitzi Bockmann
Mitzi Bockmann

I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention,  Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.

How To Make your Husband Feel Loved: 5 Best Ideas

March 3, 2016/4 Comments/by Mitzi Bockmann


Being a mom and a partner can be tough.

From the moment that your child is born all your genetic material calls to you to make this child your priority. To make sure it survives in this perilous world.

Unfortunately, it is this exact thing that can create a huge divide between you and your partner. Until your child is born, you put your relationship with your partner first. Suddenly that is no longer the case, and this can cause severe strain between the two of you, which can stretch a marriage to breaking without a little care and keeping.

How To Make Your Husband Feel Loved:s

It is possible to to find ways to make your husband feel loved. Here are some ways to start!

#1 – Make sure you speak their language.

Most of us express our love for our partners the way we want to be loved. If we like hugs, we give them to our partner, hoping they will feel our love for them. Or we might give them gifts, showing them that we are attached to them.

Unfortunately, this tactic can fail because, despite our efforts, if our partner needs something different to feel loved, then our efforts will fall flat.

Fortunately, there is a tool at hand that will help you learn to understand ways to make your husband feel loved.

In his book, The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman lists 5 ways someone wants to be loved – physical touch, words of affection, quality time, acts of service and receiving gifts. If you can understand what your partner needs to feel loved, then you can do those things instead of what you need. And they will feel loved.

I would encourage both of you should go to the 5 Love Languages website,www.5lovelanguages.com, and take the love languages test so that you can learn what your partner needs to feel loved.

I works. Big time. I promise.

#2 – Use your words.

I hear it all the time. I ask a client if they tell their husband that they love them and my client says, ‘ He knows that I love do. ‘

Maybe this is true, and maybe it is not. Regardless, you should look your husband in the eye and tell him daily that you love them.

It means a lot for people to be told that they are loved or that they are beautiful, or that you miss them. They might ‘ know it ‘ already, but words are very meaningful.

A client’s of mine never heard from her spouse when he was away, and it was very painful because she missed him. They argued about it almost every time he left, but she wasn’t clear why she wanted to hear from him, so he didn’t change his behavior. I suggested that she tell him she loved him very much and missed him when he was gone.

She says he has called her every night he is away since she told him how she felt.

So use your words to express your feelings. You will be happy you did.

#3 – Touch him.

Touch is one of the most primeval ways to communicate with another person.

Long before there were words, scientists say, humans beings communicated with gestures and touch. Animals still do. We know the importance of touch with our babies; that touch encourages bonding and trust. Take that same perspective with your husband.

Touch him when he walks in the door, take his hand in the hardware store, wrap yourself around him when you go to sleep at night.

Touching your partner will speak volumes about your love for them.

#4 – Be kind.

I know this seems basic, but it is something that gets lost in the chaos of family life.

I know, from personal experience, that as our family grew, as my life became more stressful, I took it out on my husband. I nit picked and nagged and snapped and even yelled, all for things that were as often as not not his fault. And I saw the hurt in his eyes every time I did it. I would take it all back if I could. My not being kind to him created a chasm that was hard to repair.

A man and woman sitting at a table with a laptop.

I have a client who came to me about problems with her husband. They had a 2 year old, and she felt the distance growing between them every day but she didn ‘ t know why. When I asked if she was kind to him she looked at me with surprise, paused and said, with a sense of wonder, ‘ no. ‘

She intended to be kind that day, and it has brought them back together in a very meaningful way.

#5 – Give them freedom.

You know the saying, ‘ If you love someone, set them free. ‘

Often, amidst the chaos of every day life, we cling to our partners as a life raft, needing them with us always to keep us from drowning in the messiness. However, this clinginess can drive someone away because your partner will resent your need to constantly have them by your side.

You should have some time away from the chaos, regularly, together and sometimes apart. We were all individuals once before we became a couple and then a family, and it ‘ s important to nurture that individual in ourselves, so that we can be a better partner and parent.

I know that looking for ways to make your husband feel love can feel like a lot of effort and something what will add a lot of stress to your life.

But doing so is important.

Stop for a minute and try to imagine what it would feel like to love and feel loved by your partner every day, as you navigate this crazy world. Pretty good.

Are you looking for ways to make your husband feel loved?

Let me help you learn some tools, NOW, before it goes too far!

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

Mitzi Bockmann
Mitzi Bockmann

I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention,  Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.

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I am a New York City-based Certified Life Coach with 10 years experience as a working life coach. I am certified through the Coach Training Alliance and I am a member of the International Coach Federation.

Over the years I have worked with hundreds of people, like you, to help make serious change in their lives. These people have succeeded at, among other things, restoring the love in their relationships, getting to know themselves again and finding their place in the world.

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