When You’ve Been Betrayed: 5 Tips for Surviving Emotional Infidelity

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Have you just discovered that your partner is in love with someone else and are you thinking that surviving emotional infidelity is going to be impossible?

Does some part of you wish that your partner was just having sex with someone else, not having feelings that he once had for you. Do you lie awake at night picturing him sharing intimacies with her, wondering what you are missing.

Do you feel like you are going CRAZY??

Surviving emotional infidelity can be difficult but it is possible. Here are 5 tips for doing so.

#1 – Don ‘ t take it personally.

I am sure that, since you discovered your partner ‘ s emotional infidelity, you have spent a ton of time obsessing about what you could have done differently. If you had just had more sex with him or watched him play softball or listened to him when he talked about work, then maybe he wouldn ‘ t have had to go out and find someone else.

Let me tell you that most emotional affairs are not something that someone goes looking for. They are something that just kind of happens.

A client of mine had been friends with a man for years – just friends – and then one day they ran into each other at the supermarket. Both were depressed and for some reason they confided in each other in a way that they hadn ‘ t confided in their spouses. After that, they continued to share and support each other through their depressive times and before they knew what was happening they found themselves in love with each other.

Of course, emotional affairs don ‘ t happen in a void. There is often some degree of distancing between partners that opens up a space for someone else to enter. But your partner ‘ s affair is NOT YOUR FAULT. It most likely would have happened whether you listened to him complain about work or not.

#2 – Don ‘ t suffer in silence.

For many people, once they find out their partner is having an emotional affair, they clam up.

Instead of addressing the issue with their partner, they retreat into themselves, obsessing about the affair, wondering whether it ‘ s still happening, wondering what ‘ s next for their relationship.

They wait, in silence, hoping it will all pass and go back to the way it used to be.

What they don ‘ t do is talk with their partner about it directly. They don ‘ t talk about why it happened, if it will continue, what needs to be done about the situation or how they each feel about what is going on.

It is important that, if your goal is surviving emotional infidelity, you talk with your partner about what is happening. You can do so alone or with a therapist, if you need help with the conversation. But you need to do it. Soon.

#3 – Get some help processing.

Another thing that you must do, once learning about an emotional affair, is get help processing it.

While friends are a great source of support, they are definitively on your side and might not give you the best advice.

It is important that you seek out the help of a life coach or a therapist to help you through these difficult times. You will be struggling with guilt, shame, anger, sadness, fear and many other emotions and if you don ‘ t deal with them they could fester for a long time and getting past all this will be more difficult for you.

So, reach out for some professional help RIGHT NOW!

#4 – Take care of yourself.

When we are going through emotionally rough times there are two directions we tend to take: we either fall onto the couch with ice cream, binging Netflix, or we push ourselves really hard to get things done. Either one is meant to numb the pain that we are feeling.

I would encourage you to not partake in either extreme but to settle somewhere in the middle – to take care of yourself.

Make sure you get enough sleep every night and if you can ‘ t sleep find something that will help you do so. Melatonin works for me or you could ask your doctor to give you something a little bit stronger. Without enough sleep you will find dealing with what you are dealing with more difficult.

Try to eat balanced meals regularly and indulge in only a reasonable amount of ice cream.

Lastly, make sure you get your heart rate up every day. Take a walk or dance around your apartment. Getting your heart rate up is an excellent way to deal with the stress you are under and the dopamine that your body will generate from the exercise will help smooth out your emotions.

If you take care of yourself instead of sinking into the couch you will find surviving emotional infidelity significantly easier.

#5 – Decide next steps.

As you process your partners emotional infidelity it is important that you start thinking about next steps.

This is not something that you need to do right away. It is important that you work through your feelings about what has happened first. But, when you are ready, it is important that you consider what you want the rest of your life to look like.

Do you see yourself staying with your partner, working through what happened and moving forward? Or do you think it ‘ s time to cut bait and move on with your life so that you can find the happiness you want and deserve?

I have a client who discovered her husband ‘ s emotional infidelity 3 years ago. In spite of his repeated promises that he would end it, her husband continued to have a non-sexual but intimate relationship with this woman. My client suspected it was happening and fought constantly about it with her husband but she continued to live with him.

She became obsessed about the relationship. It interfered with her every day peace of mind, her work and the joy she should have felt at her daughter’s wedding. To this day she is still with him and her life is on hold. Her self-esteem is low and her future unsure.

Don ‘ t let yourself get to this point. Make a decision about what you want your life to look like and make it happen. Life is short. Don ‘ t waste it!

Surviving emotional infidelity probably feels impossible and unlikely to you right now. But, I can promise you that you can and you will survive.

Think about all of the things that have happened in your life that you thought you wouldn ‘ t survive. Did you survive them? Did you learn from them? Are you glad that you went through some of them because they changed the direction of your life?

This emotional infidelity can be the same. It ‘ s another blip in the story that is your life. And you can survive it!

Try not to take it personally, talk to your partner about it, get help from outside sources, take care of yourself and look to the future. All of these things will help you get through this next period of your life intact.

Get started NOW! You can do it!

Have you been betrayed and are struggling to survive?
Let me help, NOW, before the struggle overwhelms you!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

The 8 Best Things To Do When You’re Feeling Overwhelmed And Depressed

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You know those days when you ‘ re feeling overwhelmed and depressed?

Those days when everyone and everything is demanding so much from you that you really don ‘ t think that you can take it anymore. Those days where it feels like you just want to crawl into bed and never get out.

Are you having one of those days today?

Let me help you manage the overwhelm and the depression. It IS POSSIBLE. It just takes some awareness and action.

#1 – Take deep breaths.

When we are overwhelmed and depressed, the first thing that we do is we stopbreathing. Well, not literally stop breathing, because then we would die. But we do unconsciously hold our breath because of increased tension in the muscles used for breathing. This can make the overwhelm worse and lead to deeper depression.

When you are feeling overwhelmed and depressed remember to breathe. Deep breaths into your belly in for 3 seconds and out for 3 seconds. Put your hand over your belly so that you can feel it filling up with air. Do this over and over until you feel a little calmer. Repeat throughout the day as necessary.

It will help you A LOT. I promise.

#2 – Go for a walk.

If it ‘ s at all possible, take some time to go for a walk. There isn ‘ t a woman I know who doesn’t say that her stress levels are always greatly reduced after a walk.

The thing about walking is that it kills two bird with one stone. Or rather three!

Walking encourages deep breathing which calms you down quickly.Also, for some reason, the motion of walking encourages clearer thinking. The rhythm of the stride and the increased oxygen intake can make something that was extremely overwhelming just 20 minutes earlier much easier to manage.

Furthermore, the dopamine that your body creates with the motion of exercise works to help alleviate your depression instantly.

So, get outside and get your heart beating. It ‘ s a great way to manage overwhelm and depression.

#3 – Identify what is causing the overwhelm.

One of the reasons you get depressed when you feel overwhelmed is that you don’t understand what isspecifically overwhelming you.

A client of mine was SO overwhelmed with her life. She found that she hadno energy to get anything done, she yelled a lot at her kids and she could barely stand being around her husband.

She figured that she was just too stressed out by her day-to-day living and she came to me to help her get more organized.

We talked for a bit and I came to learn that they have 3 new dogs in the house. 3 new dogs. And they were, you guessed it, causing the overwhelm, not her lack of organization.

Once we knew what was the cause we were able to find a solution.

#4 – Share your stress.

Sharing your stress and your sadness with another person is a key part of dealing with it.

They say that what is kept inside the head is 4x more intense than what is spoken. Also, if you share your overwhelm you might learn something that will help you manage it. We all have things that work for us and sharing them with others can be very helpful.

If you have someone you can talk with about your overwhelm then absolutely do it. Be it a therapist, a life coach, a friend or a partner, let those overwhelming thoughts out of your head and into the world.

From there your thoughts have a reduced power and are easier to deal with.

#5 – Write it out.

Do you journal? Or write letters to yourself? Or scribble notes on post-its? If you do, great! If you don ‘ t, it could be time to start.

Writing about things that are overwhelming you can be useful, both for your depression and your overwhelm, especially if you don ‘ t have someone with whom to share your stress. Much like speaking, writing allows you to get your stress out of your head and onto paper.

And when you can see your stress on a piece of paper in front of you, instead of having it rolling around in your brain, it ‘ s much easier to manage.

#6 – Make a plan.

Once you have pinpointed the cause of the overwhelm it is time to make aplan. Without a plan the overwhelm usually doesn ‘ t just disappear. In fact, it often gets worse.

For my client with the dogs, the plan involved crating up the dogs during the dinnertime and also again at bedtime. Not having the dogs bouncing around, distracting the kids and getting into trouble allowed my client to focus on the work at hand and not let it stress her out.

No more yelling at her kids. Phew.

#7 – Follow through.

The most important part of making a plan is following through. Even the best laid plans don ‘ t work if you don ‘ t follow through.

I have a client who is constantly overwhelmed by her life. She can ‘ t keep her apartment clean, has a difficult time keeping appointments, struggles to do things that involve any planning and who would rather just stay in bed all day.

We made a plan for her to hire someone to clean her apartment once a week and to spend 10 minutes a day neatening up. She was so excited about the plan. And then she didn ‘ t do it. And her apartment stayed a mess. And she continued to be overwhelmed. And even more overwhelmed because she had let herself down by not doing it.

So, make sure that you follow through on your plans to deal with your overwhelm. If you don ‘ t your overwhelm and depression could actually truly overwhelm you and that will not be fun.

#8 – See a doctor.

While you might be thinking that your overwhelm is the cause of your depression, it could be that your depression is the cause of your overwhelm.

For many of us who struggle with depression, the idea of doing anything AT ALL can be so daunting that we just don ‘ t. As a result, we get overwhelmed by all of the things that need to get done that we aren ‘ t doing.

So, if you have tried the things above and they don ‘ t work, or if you wonder if perhaps what I said about you just being depressed it true, then it ‘ s important that you see your primary care doctor right away.

If she can help you deal with your depression, then your overwhelm might fix itself.

So, now you know. When you ‘ re feeling overwhelmed and depressed there are ways to get past it and get past it quickly.

Next time you are feeling overwhelmed get outside and go for a walk, even if it ‘ s just for 20 minutes. Breathe deeply as you stride. You will see that your overwhelm reduces significantly right away.

As you walk, consider what is overwhelming you and make a plan to fix it. If you have someone to help you figure it, out even better. And then make it happen.

If you can ‘ t get past the overwhelm, consider seeing a doctor to treat your depression. It might be the key to it all.

Manage your overwhelm and your depression. Don ‘ t let it manage you.

Are you feeling overwhelmed and depressed?
Let me help, NOW, before it gets to be just too much!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

How To Set Appropriate Boundaries For Marriage Separation

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Are you considering taking the first step to ending your marriage and are you wondering how to set appropriate boundaries for marriage separation?

Good for you for planning ahead! Marriage separation is a big move, and a very challenging one, so making a proactive effort to set boundaries is an excellent plan!

Not sure where to start? Let me help!

Appropriate boundaries for marriage separation will be different for everyone but there are some specific areas that most people consider when creating those boundaries.

#1 – Maintaining physical space.

For as long as you have been in this relationship, you and your partner have shared space. You have had both shared and separate schedules and you come as go as you please.

Not anymore.

Now that you are separating, ground rules will have to be set as to who is where when.

If you are living in the house, when can your partner come over? Does he call ahead? Do you always want to be there or never want to be there when he comes?

What about the possessions in the house? Will they stay as is until the divorce is final or will your partner remove his half to furnish his new place?

How about the kids ‘ school events? Will you both attend or do you need to make a schedule to define who goes where when?

Physical space is a very tricky area to maneuver during a marriage separation. Emotions are usually so high that maintaining some kind of space is important but to what extent it ‘ s up to each couple.

#2 – How money will be spent.

Do you and your partner have a shared bank account? One where both of your money is deposited when received?

Or do you have separate accounts and one joint one to manage household finances?

Perhaps he gets paid in cash and it gets kept in a safety deposit box while your funds go into the house account?

Whatever your bank situation, once you are separated, the bills are still going to need to be paid. It is important that you and your partner decide who is going to pay what when.

Here is a partial list of things to consider when dividing things up

  1. Household management expenses – mortgage, utilities, water, cable, trash, taxes, home maintenance costs
  2. Household occupant expenses – groceries, clothing, pet care, car costs
  3. Kids ‘ expenses – school, activities, day care
  4. Medical Insurance – doctors and therapist expenses

Again, this is a partial list. Here is a link to a more comprehensive link, should you desire one.

#3 – Time spent with the kids.

This is a big one. Who gets time with the kids is one of the most emotionally charged pieces of getting separated, so emotionally charged that people often don ‘ t get separated so that they don ‘ t have to deal with it.

As soon as possible after the decision to separate occurs, it is important the you decide who is going to see the kids when. This will be a scary time for the kids and having a schedule in place ASAP will help them a lot in the transition. And helping them get through this intact must be a high priority.

So, work together, being as reasonable as you can, to make sure that the kids have time with each parent.You might not like your partner right now but they are still your kids ‘ parent and time with them is important.

#4 – Interactions with new partners.

I remember, when my ex-husband left me for someone else, he tried to bring her into his life right away. He introduced her to his family within months and insisted that our kids meet her soon after.

Our kids were devastated. Their daddy wanted them to meet his new love, someone who wasn ‘ t their mommy. This person meant nothing to them – he was just their dad ‘ s girlfriend but he thought it was imperative that she become a part of their life.

Before you make the decision to bring the kids into your grown up romantic relationship, carefully consider your motivations. Are you doing it for them or for you? Do you feel like you need to be validated by your kids or is your new partner pressuring you into making the introduction?

Remember, for most kids, all they really want is their parents back together so bringing someone new into the equation too soon will not be a good thing for them. Perhaps not for anybody.

#5 – Consider your own personal needs.

The list above is of areas that most couples look at when setting appropriate boundaries for marriage separation but it isn ‘ t an exhaustive one.

It is important that you consider what is important to you when setting up boundaries.

For me, it was essential that I had my things around me when I moved out of the house. I knew that to survive the emotional turmoil that was ahead I would need the comfort of things that I feathered my nest with. So, I asked for my things and I took them.

What might be important for you to have to get you through this tough period? Perhaps you want to go to marriage counseling and want that to be part of the established boundaries. Or perhaps it ‘ s important to you that you continue to spend one weekend a month as a family, visiting your aging parents.

Carefully consider what YOU need to stay strong and healthy during what might be the most difficult time in your life.

Breaking up a relationship sucks. It ‘ s just that simple. And setting appropriate relationship boundaries for marriage separation is a key part of managing just how sucky it will be.

Work closely with you partner during this tumultuous time, to try to keep your family business running on an even keel, even if emotions are running high.

Many couples don ‘ t set boundaries and all hell breaks loose around the family and the finances, to the point that relationships fail and finances are ruined.

Don ‘ t do that. Set some boundaries now! You will be glad you did!

Are you getting separated and looking to set boundaries?
Let me help, NOW, to make the transition seamless for everyone!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

How To Let Go Of Love And Move On When He’s Left You For Someone Else

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Has your person left you for someone else? Are you wondering how to let go of love and move on, even when your heart is shattered and you feel like your life is over?

First of all, I am so sorry. There is nothing worse than a broken heart. NOTHING.

Secondly, I can promise you that, even though your heart feels shattered now, your life is not over and that there is hope for a very bright future for you, and for your heart.

But, you ask, How do I get there? How can I get past this pain?

Let me help ‘ ¦.

#1 – Feel your feelings.

The guy that you love just left you for someone else. The hopes and dreams that you had for the future have been completely dashed. You are spending time alone that you used to spend with him. Your life is totally different and, honestly, not so great.

You are going to be sad. You are going to be pissed! You are going to be devastated. And it ‘ s okay.

I remember, when my ex-husband left me for someone else, that I was devastated. In a matter of days, I went from wife to nothing. He had moved on from his wife and from there forward it was him and her. I felt like I was nothing.

That pain lasted a long time but it did eventually pass. A big part of that was me letting myself feel my feelings – my anger, my sadness, my contempt, my disgust. I felt them all and let them go. It hurt a lot to do so but I did it. I truly believe that if I had stuffed them down I would still be dealing with them today.

It is important to be okay with the emotions that you are feeling. It isn ‘ t a reflection of any weakness on your part. It ‘ s a reflection of the pain that you are feeling. And it is important that you feel those feelings. That you feel the pain and the sadness and the regret and whatever emotions arise as a result of the break up.

Only by truly feeling and processing emotions will you be able to work through them and let them go.

#2 – Have no contact. NONE.

Often, when we are broken up with, what we want more than anything is one last conversation. Some closure, if you will.

I believe that closure is a myth.

What we really want in that last conversation is one last chance to be with that person. To perhaps convince them to stay. To prolong the goodbye, even just a bit.

I encourage you to fight against that impulse. All it will do is make you seem desperate and drag out the inevitable. Hold your head up high, say good riddance, and move on.

Also, there is nothing more tempting, when your lover has left you for someone else, then to stalk him or her on social media.

I know that it doesn ‘ t seem like that big of a deal, to take a quick peak at your person ‘ s feed, but you know, as well as I do, that there is a chance you could see something on there that you just don ‘ t want to see. You will see PICTURES of what he is doing and with whom. And chances are, seeing those things will send you into a tail spin. How could it not?

So, eliminate all ties to your loved one on social media. Block him on your phone. Don ‘ t ask your mutual friends about what he is doing. Don ‘ t talk to him yourself.

Tell yourself that he has moved to Mars and that you will never see him again.

You will be glad you did.

#3 – Get hot.

Yes, you read that right. Get hot.

Ok, so you are single again and you suddenly find yourself with lots of free time. And you might also find yourself craving a lot of ice cream.

Now is not the time to sit around, watching Netflix and eating ice cream. While those things might be fun in the moment, in the long run they will only make you feel worse.

Exercise is one of the best ways to manage grief. During exercise your body produces endorphins and endorphins actually make you feel better. And, as a side benefit, exercise also gets you in shape.

Imagine having the body that you have always wanted – you know what body I am talking about. Now is the time to get it. Start exercising to help manage your grief and use it to get in great shape and to feel better about yourself.

And, while it ‘ s not about revenge, let your ex eat his heart out when next he sees you!

#4 – Live your dream.

Another thing to do with all of that free time is to start doing something that you have always wanted to do. Don ‘ t sit around feeling sorry for your empty space –do something with it.

When a client of mine was abandoned by her boyfriend she was a wreck and feeling lonely as hell. I asked her if there was anything that she had always wanted to do, something that she hadn ‘ t done because she was in a relationship.

Without a pause she said YES – she had always wanted to go to Peru and hike the Machu Picchu trail. Could she do that now? I asked. And she said, Why the hell not?

So, my client set out making plans to travel to Peru in the spring. She researched tour groups, found a few friends to come with her, worked to get in shape and ultimately went on the trip of her dreams.

The planning kept her occupied instead of focusing on her guy and the trip changed her life, making her realize that if she could do that she could do anything.

What is it that you have always wanted to do? Pick one thing and start doing it. You have the time. Life is short. Don ‘ t waste it!

#5 – Believe, believe, believe.

Yes, right now your heart is broken. You just can ‘ t imagine being able to get through this day or the next. You know that you will never love or be loved again. Sigh.

No! You have to believe. You have to believe that your great love is out there. That you are more than a little loveable and that what you are going through is only temporary. Think about what you want and work on truly believing that you will get it. And then take the steps to do so. You can do it!

And, if you are feeling hot and full of self-confidence from all that exercise and surviving your grief, imagine what that special someone will think when they first lay eyes on you. WOW!

I can promise you. You will love again. He is out there. I wonder what he is doing right now.

Figuring out how to let go of love and move on after losing your person to another can be a daunting thing.It ‘ s hard to believe that you will ever be okay again.

I can promise you that you will be okay! It might take a little bit but, once you have done the work you need to get past it, your breakup will be a distant memory and your new life will be great!

So, feel your feelings, cut him off completely, get yourself into shape, live your dreams and believe.

Your life will go on, better than ever. You will see. I promise!

Did your man find someone else and are you wondering if you can survive?
Let me help, NOW, before the pain becomes too much to bear!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

5 Strategies For Surviving Infidelity And Depression

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When you began your affair did you ever imagine that you would someday find yourself reading an article on surviving infidelity and depression?

Did you ever in your wildest dreams think that the thing that started out to be so amazingly wonderous would lead you down this dark path to where you find yourself today?

The thing about infidelity is that it ‘ s a mass of contradictions. When you are with your person you are high as a kite. You are madly in love and the sex is great. And then, when you aren ‘ t with this person, you feel like shit. Your self-worth is in the toilet and you are wracked with guilt.

And what comes with the guilt? Depression.

Fortunately, there are strategies for surviving infidelity and depression.

#1 – Keep your mind busy.

I have a married client who was having an affair with a married man, a stay at home dad she had known for years but with whom she had just started a sexual relationship.

From the moment the affair began, she was obsessed with this man and how alive he made her feel. Her marriage was not a happy one, and she didn ‘ t really like her stay at home mom life, so this affair was the perfect escape from her hum drum existence.

Unfortunately, this obsession only got worse the longer the affair lasted. She would think about him morning, noon and night. She didn ‘ t sleep and was distracted from her chores and her kids and keeping the family train on track.

The obsession was eating her alive and, man, she was depressed.

We knew that she needed to do something that would take her mind off her guy, even for a bit. She decided that she would give yoga a try. And it WORKED!

For my client, to spend even just 1.5 hours a day at a yoga class, focusing on the breath and challenging poses instead of her guy, was enough of a break for her to reduce the obsession. Her mind got to rest which was a huge relief for her.

She still couldn ‘ t let go of him but her mind quieted and he consumed less of her head space. It also helped to ease her depression, if only for a bit.

#2 – Keep your friends close.

This same client, because she was so obsessed with being available whenever her guy was available, slowly but surely cut out her relationships with her friends.

Whereas before her affair she would go for walks with her friends or go to the movies or get involved in committees, now my client did nothing but sit around the house, alone, trying to get things done, wondering where her guy was and when she was going to see him again.

Because she didn ‘ t see her friends, and hadn ‘ t told any of them about her affair, she really started to sink into a depression. No longer did she have her support system to help her make it through the day. She didn ‘ t have friends to process things with and she no longer laughed with them as they walked in the woods.

It is important that, no matter what kind of relationship you are in, that you keep your friends. Relationships come and go but your friends will always be there to help you through.

You won ‘ t be stuck dealing with your depression by yourself.

So, go pick up the phone and call someone RIGHT NOW!

#3 – Keep working towards your goals.

For my client, before she started her affair, she had big goals. Her kids were old enough to be in school full day and she wanted to rekindle her previously successful real estate career.

To that end, she got re-licensed and reached out to her old boss. He was thrilled to have her back because she had been a high achiever before her kids were born.

So, my client tried to go back to work. She tried to get herself going the way she used to. To network for clients. To get listings. To put herself out there and succeed.

But, not matter how she tried, she just couldn ‘ t.

My client was so obsessed with her affair that she wasn ‘ t able to put herself out there to succeed. As a result, her depression deepened because not only was she having an affair that she was obsessed with but she could seem to get her own life back even a smidge.

So, if you are trying to survive infidelity and depression, make sure you work your hardest to not let your life goals fall by the wayside. Continue your upwards trajectory so that your self-esteem doesn ‘ t get lost along the way.

#4 – Keep your body fit.

After a year of having an affair, my client had lost twenty pounds. She didn ‘ t eat or sleep or take care of herself. She was a quivering mess of nerves. Her depression had deepened.

Then she started doing yoga to quiet her mind and it really helped. After a few months she noticed that her body was getting stronger. She gained some of the weight back and was feeling healthier.

When she looked in the mirror and saw that she no longer looked like a skeleton but somewhat resembled her old self, her depression eased a bit. A small light at the end of the tunnel for her but a light nonetheless.

So, if you are struggling depression caused by your affair, make sure that you take care of yourself and keep your body strong. Make sure you sleep and eat well and get at least 30 minutes of exercise that raises your heartbeat.

Nothing fights depression like the dopamine that is created by a little aerobic exercise!

#5 – Keep working towards letting go.

The number one best strategy for surviving infidelity and depression is also the hardest one. Can you guess what it is? Yep, it ‘ s letting go of your guy.

When my client began her affair, she assumed it would be a one-time thing. Twice, max. But her affair went on and on and on. For 3 years in fact. And for that entire time, she struggled to let go of her love and move on.

She would tell him they were done and they would be, for anywhere from a week to 6 months. And during those brief periods she got her life back. She would see her friends, find her drive, calm her thoughts and no longer be depressed.

But, every time, they would fall back into their relationship and she found herself right back where she started – depressed.

So, keep trying to break things off with your guy. It ‘ s one of the hardest things you will ever have to do but it is possible!

When you do, you will have your life back. How great would that be?

Surviving infidelity and depression is not an easy feat. It might even be the hardest thing that you ever do. But you CAN DO IT!

Very rarely do we seek out infidelity – usually it appears just when our life seems bleakest, when our marriage is struggling and we have lost some of ourselves. Unfortunately, once infidelity gets it ‘ s claws in you, it ‘ s hard to break free.

But there are ways to manage your depression along the way. Keep your mind busy, your friends close, your ambition high, and your body toned. And don ‘ t EVER stop trying to break away from your lover. I know that you love him but anyone who is wreaking this much havoc in your life is just not good for you!

My client did it. Her life today is great. She left her marriage but she has a new life, with a new man. She is healthy and happy and living a life that is true to herself and to her beliefs.

You can have that too! I promise.

Is your infidelity wreaking havoc on your emotional health?
Let me help, NOW, before it makes everything worse!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

How To Overcome Overwhelm Even When You Don’t Believe You Can

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Are you wondering how to overcome overwhelm, even when you just don ‘ t believe that you possibly can?

Our modern lives arechaotic, jam-packed and exhausting and it can be hard to make it through the day when you are feelingoverwhelmed. And, because it seems that every day is the same, it can be very hard to get ahead of it all.

It IS possible to get through those overwhelming, exhausting days. All it takes is a little awareness and intention and you can do it!

Here are 5 ways to do so…

#1 – Make a list and prioritize.

When you are feeling overwhelmed and tired, just thinking aboutall of the things that needs to be done can shut you down for the day. And shutting you down for the day is definitely not what you need because that will only lead to more overwhelm tomorrow!

A big part of overwhelm is knowing that you have a ton to do and lots of places to be but not knowing what exactly they are. The unknown can be petrifying.

So, take a minute and make a list of everything that you think needs to be done today. Once you have a list, underline everything that REALLY needs to be done today. And then take those underlined items and prioritize what needs to be done first, second and third.

If you know exactly what needs to be done, and you can look at it in front of you, your overwhelm will immediately subside. A big piece of overwhelm is the result of just not knowing what needs to be done. Making a list lets you figure it out.

#2 – Take it one step at a time.

Once you have your list, and know your priorities, it ‘ s important tostart at the beginning. And take it one step at a time.

Another cause of overwhelm is that, in our heads, we jump too quickly ahead or start to visualize an end result that isn ‘ t what we want it to be and so we get derailed.

I have a client who was miserable at work. She so wanted to get another job but the thought of doing so was completely overwhelming.

We talked it through and I learned that she was very intimidated by prospect of working somewhere else. I recognized what was happening. That she was so paralyzed by the end of the process that she couldn ‘ t start the process. If we picture the end without understanding the steps it can be totally overwhelming.

So, I suggested we start at the beginning.

First, we identified what the first step would be in her job search – work on her resume. Could she do that without getting too overwhelmed? Just that. Work on her resume. Nothing else.

She agreed that she could and so she did. A week later she had her resume ready and it was time for step two – looking, but not applying, for jobs.

Take each step on your journey individually. And if something unexpected gets in the way, don ‘ t give up. Handle it and then get back to your list and keep moving forward.

#3 – Do something for yourself.

A key part of surviving through exhaustion and overwhelm is to dosomething to take care of yourself. When we are at the end of our rope our tendency is to put ourselves on the back burner and everyone and everything ahead of us.

It ‘ s important that we take even just a little bit of time to do something for ourselves and recharge our batteries.

What would work for you? Perhaps it ‘ s a walk or a run, a mid-morning croissant snack, tea with a friend, a pedicure or even a massage. Whatever would work for you to make your day just a little more manageable. And ease the overwhelm.

#4 – Remember to eat well and dance.

When we are running around like crazy we tend to forget to eat. Or, if we do eat, we eat something that isn ‘ t good for us.

An important part of fighting overwhelm is to make sure that we eat well, food that will fuel our journey through the day.

What kind of food? Protein is the most important – eggs, nuts, chicken, cheese. Make sure to eat a good breakfast and lunch or, at the very least, keep some protein with you to snack on. A bag of almonds in the glove box can make a huge difference.

And what do I mean by dance? I mean, getting off the couch and get your heart rate up. Nothing helps overwhelm that getting on your feet and breathing hard.

I like to dance when I get overwhelmed. I put music on and dance around my house, not caring at all what I look like, just focusing on how I feel. I get sweaty and my head gets clear and the overwhelm that was getting me down just a few minutes early gets manageable.

So, do what you like to do to get your heart rate up. You will be glad you did. I promise.

#5 – Become reacquainted with your sofa.

I know you are laughing at the thought of fitting a nap into your crazy day but if you possibly can it will make a HUGE difference.

Cat naps are proven to increase your alertness, speed up your motor performance, improve your accuracy and decision making, reduce stress and boost your creativity.

I am the queen of the 20 minutes nap in the car. I pull over in the shade or sun, depending on the season, put my seat back and snooze for 20 minutes. When I wake up my energy levels are definitely up and I can get through the rest of my day.

So, try to make some time to snooze. It will be totally worth it!

This crazy modern life we lead makes it important that understand how to deal with emotional overwhelm so we can get through our day.

And, since tropical vacations aren ‘ t usually available to help us recharge, it ‘ s important that we do what we can do to get through the day.

So, make a list, set your priorities and take care of yourself. If you can take care of yourself then you will better be able to take care of others. And get yourself through the day intact and ready for another one tomorrow.

You can do it!

Is your overwhelm making your life incredibly difficult?
Let me help, NOW, before it gets out of control!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

How to Stop Feeling Depressed After Letting Go of Love

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Are you feeling depressed after letting go of love?

Were you in a relationship that just wasn ‘ t working anymore and were you forced to let go of it?

Do you find yourself alone now and feeling depressed, hopeless that you will never be happy again?

Let me tell you that you aren ‘ t alone – that there are many women out there RIGHT NOW feeling the way you do. And the good news – you will all feel better soon. I promise!

How? Let me share what I know ‘ ¦.

#1 – Accept that you are going to be sad.

You have just broken up with someone you love. The hopes and dreams that you had for the future have been completely dashed. You are spending time alone that you used to spend with him. Your life is totally different and, honestly, not so great.

You are going to be sad. You are going to be devastated. And it ‘ s okay.

I remember, less than 12 hours after my mother died, my step-father was telling himself to snap out of it, to not be sad. He couldn ‘ t handle the pain that he was feeling. So, he stuffed it down. And, 4 years later, he is still overwhelmed by his loss.

It is important to be okay with the emotions that you are feeling. It isn ‘ t a reflection of any weakness on your part. It ‘ s a reflection of the pain that you are feeling. And it is important that you feel those feelings. That you feel the pain and the sadness and the regret and whatever emotions arise as a result of the break up.

Only by truly feeling and processing emotions are you able to work through them and let them go.

So, embrace your emotions. Own them as your own. Process them and let them go. If you do so, you will be able to let go feeling depressed after letting go of love.

#2 – Take care of yourself.

One of the reasons that it ‘ s so hard to get over feeling depressed after letting go of love is because when we are feeling depressed we stop taking care of ourselves.

Are you spending large amounts of time in your pjs, eating ice cream? When you do go out are you drinking more than usual? Are you not sleeping? Have you gotten any kind of exercise in recent memory?

If you have answered yes to any of these questions then you are not alone. I don ‘ t know many women who doesn ‘ t treat emotional issues with ice cream instead of marathons. So, don ‘ t feel bad but do try to make some change.

If you can ‘ t sleep, take some melatonin to help you get some. If you are eating ice cream, try to eat just a little bit less. Try to get off the couch and take a walk.

Taking care of yourself in this rough time is an essential piece of getting over feeling depressed after letting go of love.

#3- Do things that make you happy.

I am someone who struggles with depression every day and one of the key things that I do when I am depressed is make sure that I do things that I know make me happy on good days.

What kind of things? I watch movies. I eat Pad Thai. I have sex. I spend time with my kids.

There is factual evidence that doing things that make you happy, that make you smile, actually help to alleviate depression. The actual act of smiling has been proven to change the chemicals firing in your brain, the ones that are causing the depression.

So, what makes you happy? I know that you are feeling depressed and the idea of doing ANYTHING is too much to bear but get up off the couch and do JUST ONE THING that you enjoy doing. See what happens.

#4 – Stay off social media.

For some reason, when we are going through a break-up, we can ‘ t resist the temptation to stalk our guy on social media. The temptation to see what he is up to, who he is hanging out with, who he might be seeing is just too much to resist.

When you do it, does it make you feel better? I didn ‘ t think so.

One of the most important parts of getting over feeling depressed after letting go of love is to remove yourself completely from anything to do with your ex. Block him on your phone. Disconnect from him on Facebook, Instagram, etc. Don ‘ t talk to your friends about what he is doing.

Instead, pretend like he just doesn ‘ t exist. Pretend that he is a guy you used to know who has disappeared off the face of the earth. The less you think and know about your ex, the easier it will be for you to get over him.

#5 – Put yourself back out there.

I know. I know. The prospect of getting back into another relationship is the last thing that you want to do. To give of yourself to someone else when you still have love for another person.

And that is fair. But it ‘ s also important that you don ‘ t stop living your life. You only have one life and it ‘ s short.

So, if someone from work invites you out for a drink, do it! Go to the movies with friends. If you are invited to a party, go to it. Put yourself back out in the world and into the path of love. You will meet new people, have new experiences and maybe find yourself another person to call your own.

If you stay home, on the couch, watching The Bachelor, eating ice cream you might feel safe and less vulnerable, but you will also stay depressed because you have stopped living your life and you just won ‘ t feel good about yourself.

Put yourself out there. Live your life. You will be glad you did.

Feeling depressed after letting go of love is a horrible feeling. What we want more than anything is to feel relieved at finally having the strength to get out of a relationship that wasn ‘ t serving us.

Unfortunately, it most often doesn ‘ t work that way because grief, and the depression that accompanies it, is usually the first part of the healing process. Luckily, grief is only the first step and that there is hope for your future.

So, embrace your grief, feel it and release it. Take care of yourself, do things that make you happy, stay off social media and get yourself out there.

When you are ready, sooner than later I hope, you can let go of your love and reach out for a new one – yourself.

Is your broken heart leaving you incredibly depressed?
Let me help, NOW, before the depression takes over!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

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