7 Things that You Can Learn from Bad Relationships

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Are you struggling over and over with bad relationships? Are you unhappy because you are wasting time on all these losers and wonder if you will ever find the right one?

Don ‘ t give up!

There are a lot of lessons to be learned from bad relationships, lessons that will set you up for success when you find the right person.

What kind of lessons? Let me tell you ‘ ¦

#1 – What red flags look like.

If you are not familiar with the term ‘ ˜red flags ‘ let me explain.

Red flags are signals that there is something bad ahead. Sometimes they are clear and sometimes they are not. Often times we ignore them. And when we do, disasters happen.

What might a red flag look like?

Some are subtle. Perhaps he talks about his ex alot, or he has a bad relationship with his mother. Perhaps he hasn ‘ t been able to hold down a job. Perhaps he refuses to talk about anything difficult.

Some are more obvious. Perhaps he states that he doesn ‘ t want a serious relationship or that kids are out of the questions. Perhaps he tells you that that male friend of yours has to go.

The thing about red flags is that often we see them and we ignore them or justify them away. Hopefully, bad relationships will help you to recognize that those red flags can be accurate and that, if you had only paid attention to them in the beginning, you could have spared yourself a whole lot of pain.

#2 – What not to do.

One lesson that can be learned from bad relationships is what NOT to do next time.

Many of us have behaviors that we repeat in every relationship and many of us are in serial bad relationships because of it.

For many people, we tend to personalize things that happen in a relationship. If our guy comes home late, it ‘ s because they don ‘ t love us. If they don ‘ t put away their dirty laundry, they don ‘ t respect us. If they forget our birthday, we just aren ‘ t important to them.

And while in some cases these things might be true, more often than not things that people do have nothing to do with the other person – they have to do with misjudgment and neglect.

So, don ‘ t take things personally – it ‘ s not all about you.

Another thing that people tend to do in bad relationships is to be passive aggressive and to antagonize.

Instead of confronting an issue head on, many of us make snide comments on the side, hoping our person will hear our dissatisfaction and act on it. Furthermore, we continue to harp on an issue, cutting a thousand little cuts, to the point that our partner no longer cares about what our concerns are.

These are just two behaviors that derail many relationships. There are others.

Take a good hard look at what your role is in this relationship – bad relationships rarely happen because of one person ‘ s behavior. Figure out what yours are and make note.

#3 – That enabling is not supporting.

Have you ever been in a relationship that was struggling and you tried to save it by being supportive?

Many of us, women in particular, believe that if we can just support our person that the relationship will hold. If we are patient while our partners work late hours or hold their hands when they feel insecure AGAIN about something that happened at the gym or look the other way when they have that third vodka after dinner we believe that they will notice us and stay in love with us. And that, maybe, their troubling behaviors will change.

Unfortunately, this ‘ ˜supporting ‘ is really more ‘ ˜enabling ‘ and enabling is not good in any relationship.

If you continue to look the other way when your partner gets drunk or ignores you because of work or yells at you because of their own insecurities, you are telling your partner that their behaviors are ok. And if your partners think their behaviors are ok, they will never change.

If your partner has behaviors that make you unhappy, stop supporting them. Either speak up about them or walk.

#4 – What traits you do want in a partner.

One of the clearest lessons to learn in bad relationships is what it really is that you want in a partner.

Even as we hold on to bad partners, we do start to see very clearly their shortcomings and we can therefore get a sense of what we ideally would want if we were in charge of the world.

I had a guy who I loved but who was desperately insecure, who wanted to please everyone, who had a quick temper, who lived with a ton of fear and who was in and out of jobs. I loved him but I was suffering.

When I finally broke free of that relationship I set out looking for a guy who knew who he was, who was patient and kind and steady. I was very clear about that and did ultimately find what I was seeking.

So, what do you want in a partner? Make a list. Write it down. Refer to it often.

#5 – That letting go is not giving up.

I can ‘ t tell you how many of my clients who are struggling with letting go of love in bad relationships tell me that they aren ‘ t walking away because they don ‘ t want to give up! That they aren ‘ t quitters.

And I always tell them the same thing – that there are two people in a relationship and that as long as you are the only one making the effort, or that the efforts you both are making aren ‘ t working, then it ‘ s not a matter of giving up. You can only control your own efforts – only you can finish that marathon – but you can ‘ t control someone else. It ‘ s not giving up if your partner isn ‘ t giving their all as well.

So, if you are struggling with ‘ ˜giving up, ‘ don ‘ t! Know that you can let go of a love that isn ‘ t serving you and move on with your head held high, knowing that you did your best.

#6 – How strong you are.

For those of us who survive bad relationships (which, pretty much, we all do in the end) we know how strong we are.

By having the fortitude to let go of a love that wasn ‘ t serving you, you are reclaiming your own power, a power that you might have lost in the struggle that was your bad relationship.

Talk to someone who has escaped from a bad situation and you will see someone who might be sad, perhaps really sad, but someone who feels powerful having been able to do it.

Letting go of bad relationships is incredibly difficult – do it and you will feel stronger then you ever have before.

#7 – That being alone is better than being unhappy.

One thing that can become very clear when you are in a bad relationship is how much better it might be to be alone than to be with someone who makes you miserable.

There is nothing worse than the day in, day out suffering of being in a bad relationship. You wake up to it, it lives with you throughout the day and is there when you go to bed at night.

Sure, when you are alone you might spend time alone on your couch binge watching Game of Thrones, but your time is your own. You can do what you want. And, while you might feel miserable that you are alone, I can promise you that it ‘ s not as miserable as you might feel if you spend your days struggling with bad relationships.

Learning lessons from bad relationships is a key part of finding love and happiness.

The goal is to not repeat history – not at work, not with parenting, not with behaviors and not with relationships. The goal is to learn from our mistakes and move forward to find success in the future.

So, take a good look at bad relationshps that you have had in your life and take inventory of what lessons you have learned so that you can do things differently in the future!

You can do it! True love is out there waiting for you!

Are you strugglingwitha bad relationship?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before you waste too much time struggling!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

 

 

 

How Do You Know if You Love Someone as Much as They Love You

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How do you know if you love someone as much as they love you? It ‘ s a really important question to ask.

Love is complicated and because human beings so want to be in love we are sometimes desperate to hold on to someone we aren ‘ t sure we love because we WANT to love them.

On the other hand, many of us are so scared of love, often because of past hurts, that trusting whether or not they are in love can be difficult.

With both those things in mind, it ‘ s important to carefully examine how do you know if you love someone as much as they love you.

#1 – You know what love is – and you feel it.

Do you know the difference between being in love with someone and loving someone? It is very important to understand the difference between the two.

I believe that when you are in love with someone you feel the feelings that you read about in books. When you see your person your heart leaps a little bit, you long for their touch, you want to know everything about them, spending time together is lovely and you care about their hopes and dreams.

I believe that when you love someone, as opposed to being in love with someone, your feelings are more feelings of friendship. You feel peaceful and happy being with them and support them in their endeavors but that feeling of your heart leaping, of relishing their physical touch, just isn ‘ t there.

So, how do you feel when you see your person? Does your heart leap or do you just feel peaceful? It ‘ s an important distinction and one that only you can know.

#2 – Things are evenly balanced.

When you love someone as much as they love you, you will find that you meet each other equally. You both want to spend time together, you both do nice things for each other, you equally share in the give and take in the relationship.

When love is uneven, more often than not, one person is giving way more than the other. And both sides are uncomfortable with this. The person who is giving too much feels like they are not being appreciated and the person who is giving less feels unhappy with the power dynamic in the relationship.

What does your relationship look like? Do you enjoy giving to your partner and much as he or she gives to you? If not, they might love you more than you love them.

#3 – They don ‘ t bug you.

When you are in a relationship where the love is equal you will find that you are never aggravated by the way your partner touches you. It doesn’t bug you that they want to spend so much time with you or asks you questions about your day. You are most always happy to be with them and their attentions don’t cause you any aggravation.

Do you find that your partner bugs you in a way that feels uncomfortable to you? Do you wish you were more receptive to their attentions? If the answer is yes, you might not love them as much as they love you.

#4 – You aren ‘ t always questioning the relationship.

One answer to how do you know if you love someone as much as they love you has to do with how much time do you spend questioning the relationship.

Do you think that you want to be in this relationship but just aren ‘ t sure? Do you think about whether you are making a mistake in committing to this person? Do you spend time thinking about other people instead? Do you find yourself rationalizing your relationship more often than not?

People who love someone else as much as they love them don ‘ t constantly question the relationship. They are secure in the fact the love is real and equal and that a commitment to it is a smart one.

#5 – Your attention doesn ‘ t wander.

Do you find yourself looking at other people and wondering if, for whatever reason, you might be interested in a relationship with them?

Do your friends introduce you to other people who they think might be better for you?

If either of these things are the case, your feelings for your partner might not be equal to theirs. People who are in love with their partner don ‘ t go seeking other potential mates. People whose love is equal with their partner’s, who enjoy spending time with them, enjoy their physical touch and aren’t questioning things don ‘ t look at other people as potential mates.

What about you? Do your eyes wander?

So, how do you know if you love someone as much as they love you?

It seems like a difficult question to answer but really the signs are clear.

If you have that ‘heart skip’ kind of feeling when you see your person, if the things you do for each other are basically balanced, if being with them doesn ‘ t annoy you and you aren ‘ t always questioning the relationship then chances are good your love for each other is balanced.

So, now that you have a sense of how you feel, it ‘ s on you to run with it.

If things are balanced, yay!

If they aren ‘ t, you have a choice to make – will you continue to stay with this person, trying to see if you can make it work, potentially wasting both of your times, or are you going to let this person go so that both of you can find the person you are meant to be with?

Good luck! You can do it!

Are you strugglingwithwondering if you love someone as much as they love you?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before you waste too much time wondering!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

 

How to Let Go of Toxic People Who Are Holding You Back

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Are you wondering how to let go of toxic people who are holding you back?

Do you know that some people in your life just aren ‘ t good for you but you are finding it difficult to let them go?

Fortunately, there are ways to let go of toxic people but first let ‘ s examine why it ‘ s hard to let go of one.

For many people, staying in a toxic relationship is better than being alone.

We often don ‘ t feel so good about ourselves and the other person feeds our feelings of insecurity with their toxicity.

Sometime we feel like we think we are the only person who can help/fix this other person so we are hesitant to step away from them, even if they are sucking us dry.

And, finally, we are often stuck in patterns with these people, patterns that we are incapable of breaking for a variety of reasons.

Now do you see how letting go of toxic people can be very difficult? Understanding the ‘ ˜why ‘ can often make the ‘ ˜how ‘ easier.

#1 – Make a decision – and stick to it!

Before you begin any life changing process you must ask yourself how determined you are to actually do it. On a scale of 1-10 how close to a 10 are you? Because withoutsteadfast determination you will not be able to accomplish something as challenging as letting go of a toxic person in your life.

So, are you ready to do this? Is there any part of you that is holding on to the possibility that things could work out? Do you feel like you aren ‘ t strong enough to do this yet?

If the answer to any of these questions is ayes, then perhaps you should wait a bit longer before you begin this process. Time is a great healer and with some time you will get stronger and be ready to take on this challenging task.

Either way, ask yourself some tough questions about this relationship and make aconscious decision to stay or go. Doing so, making a purposeful move, will help you start respecting and loving yourself again which is a key part of letting go of toxic people and moving on.

#2 – Take inventory.

One of the first thing I tell all of my clients when they ask how to let go of toxic people is to make a list – a list of all of the reasons that they need to walk away from that person.

When we spend time with someone, we are regularly exposed to those things that remind us that we need to walk away. When we finally get away from that person, those things tend to recede into our memory. They get replaced in the forefront of our mind with the good things, the good times, all the things that we loved about that person.

And, with the good things at the front of our minds, we are vulnerable to returning to the relationship that is causing us pain.

So, make a list. Make a list of everything that you can think of that is making you walk away from this person. Keep that list close and refer to it when you are missing him.

You left this relationship for a reason. Keep that reason in mind daily going forward.

#3 – Disappear.

I know that we all think that we need ‘ closure ‘ at the end of any relationship, that final conversation where everyone gets to say what they want to say and you understand each other and walk away as friends.

I am here to tell you that closure is a myth. What closure really is is one last chance to spend time with and talk to that person you care about. Because really, if you could have a conversation and finally understand each other why couldn ‘ t you make it work as a couple or as friends?

So, when you have decided to let of of a toxic person is over, cut him or her off from any contact with you. Block them on your phone, disconnect on social media, stay away from places where you know they will be.

Why? Because what you need to do is break the addiction you have to this person, to change your habits.

Think about Oreo cookies. You know how hard it is to eat just one? It ‘ s the same with your person. Even one point of contact can draw you back into their circle, the circle that you have decided that you are determined to break yourself out of.

So, cut off all contact right away. Don ‘ t let them have access to you in any way. It will make the process way easier!

#4 – Choose love.

For many of us, being in a toxic relationship can mean that we have disconnected with people who might previously have been a big part of our lives. None of us do it intentionally, or with malice, but it does happen. And those friends are still out there.

Make an effort to reach out to those friends, the friends who knew you ‘ ˜before. ‘ They will be happy to have you back and happy to support you getting through this time.

Also, now is a great time to make new friends. I have a client who is using Bumble BFF, an app for women to connect with other women,to find some new friends, ones who are single and want to get out and do things like she does. She has connected with some amazing women in just a few weeks.

Also, make an effort to spend time with your family if they provide love and support. Nothing can help you replace the empty space left by your toxic person then those who love you more than anyone else in the world.

People are a great way to get you through a tough time. And you have lots of people. Reach out and find them again.

#5 – Live.

Another thing to do with all of that free time is to start doing something that you have always wanted to do. Don ‘ t sit around feeling sorry for your empty space –do something with it.

When a client of mine left her toxic boyfriend she was a wreck and feeling lonely as hell. I asked her if there was anything that she had always wanted to do, something that she hadn ‘ t done because she was in a relationship.

Without a pause she said YES – she had always wanted to learn Italian and spend some traveling in Italy. Could she do that now? I asked. And she said,Why the hell not?

So, my client downloaded alanguage app and set out making plans to travel to Italy in the spring. She researched tour groups, found a few friends to come with her, worked to get in shape and ultimately went on the trip of her dreams.

The planning kept her occupied instead of focusing on her guy and the trip changed her life, making her realize that if she could do that she could do anything.

What is it that you have always wanted to do? Pick one thing and start doing it. You have the time. Life is short. Don ‘ t waste it!

Knowing how to let go of toxic people who are holding you back takes awareness and determination.

We are so scared of being alone or making someone else unhappy that we often sacrifice our own health and well being. It ‘ s important to stop that NOW.

Take stock of your determination to get out of the relationship, take stock of why, disappear completely, reach out to others and live your life.

Life is too short to surround yourself with toxic people. Choose yourself for once and get on with living your best life!

Are you strugglingwitha toxic person inyourlife?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before your life gets completely derailed!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

How to be Assertive in Relationships

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Are you wondering how to be assertive in relationships? Is yours struggling and are you worried that your lack of assertiveness may be part of the problem?

I have built a business around helping people who are struggling in relationships. Unfortunately, there are many people struggling because relationships are really, really hard.

More than any other reason, I believe lack of assertiveness as the basis of many relationship issues, for both men and women.

Most women aren ‘ t naturally assertive – we tend to sit back and follow other people ‘ s lead and be happy enough with the outcome.

Men often lack assertiveness because they want to keep the peace but, in the end, they are left bitterly unhappy.

Fortunately, many of us have learned the skill of assertiveness in relationships and we have figure out the best things to do.

So, let me share with you my secrets about how to be assertive in relationships.

#1 – Have self-awareness.

People who are assertive in relationship are people who know themselves and they know what they want in a relationship.

I know when I was married, I knew I was unhappy but I didn ‘ t know why. When we went to marriage counseling there was always discussion around the nebulous cloud that was my unhappiness but we never attacked it directly because I couldn ‘ t define what it was.

Since I have become more self-aware, I have realized what happiness means to me – to be noticed, to be heard, to be valued, to be seen. When those things happen, I feel loved and I am happy.

If you aren ‘ t self aware, take some time to develop that personality trait. Take stock of what is important to you in a relationship so that you know what to ask for when the time comes.

#2 – Be self-confident.

People who are assertive in relationships are very often self-confident.

Why? Because to be able to ask for what you want in a relationship, you have to believe in yourself, in your self-worth.

I know many people who are self-aware, who know what they want in a relationship, but who don ‘ t ask for it because they don ‘ t believe themselves to be worthy. And if you don ‘ t ask, you don ‘ t get.

Taking stock of why you are worthy, in the world and in love, will get you a long way towards being assertive in a relationship and getting you the love that you seek.

#3 – Communicate clearly.

So, let ‘ s say you know what you want and you believe that you are worthy of getting it but you have no freaking idea of how to ask for it.

You are there, sitting across from your person, having a heart to heart and when the time comes to ask for what you want you just can ‘ t find the words. And if you don ‘ t have the words to ask for what you want, how are you going to get it?

Are you a good communicator? If you are, great! If you aren ‘ t, find a friend, or a life coach, and have them work with you to find the words to ask for what you want. It ‘ s not as hard as it seems – it ‘ s a skill that needs to be cultivated, just like any other.

#4 – Use your intuition.

My husband used to say that he would never be able to have an affair because my Spidey-sense would just know. I used to laugh but I know that it ‘ s true – it was hard for him to get away with anything, good or bad, because my intuition was usually dead on.

People who have a strong intuition that they can rely on are usually excellent at being assertive in relationships. Why? Because people who are intuitive trust their gut. They trust that they know what they want and believe that their instincts around others are dead on.

By having faith in oneself, and one ‘ s perceptions of others, it is easy to speak up and ask for what you want because you truly believe.

If you don ‘ t already, listen when your gut tells you something. If you have a ‘ ˜feeling ‘ that something is off, trust that feeling. Don ‘ t rationalize it away. Speak up!

#5 – Be resolute.

Being assertive in relationships is simply impossible without being resolute.

Do you know that person, perhaps you see her in the mirror, who just can ‘ t make up her mind?

She knows that she wants something but she can ‘ t quite put her finger on what it is. As a result, when she tries to ask for what she wants she fails because there is no conviction behind her words.

How does one cultivate the personality trait of being resolute? Start small. Choose one thing that is important to you and do it, no matter what. Set your intention and don ‘ t let anything get in your way.

Once you see the power of what happens if you set your mind to something you will want to practice it in all areas of your life.

Learning how to be assertive in relationships is very important and can be a challenge but one worth meeting.

In this crazy world, we need to identify what it is we want, we need to believe that we are worthy, we need to be able to speak to what those things are, we need to trust our gut and we need to be resolute in making it happen.

Don ‘ t spend your life and love allowing things to just happen, hoping for the best. Decide what you want in a relationship and go for it! NOW!

Are you strugglingwithbeing assertive in relationships?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before yourrelationship falls apart!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

My Life Is Great: Why Am I So Depressed?

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Have you been asking yourself Why am I so depressed because, really, my life is great?

Do you feel like you have everything that you want in your life but still you feel like you are carrying a hundred pound weight on your back, that you have no interest in anything and that all you want to do is sleep?

I am not a doctor but I can tell you that I used to feel that way all the time. I lived with this overwhelming sense of hopelessness and dread. I tried to be agood parent but keeping my energy up was close to impossible. I tried to begreat wife but my irritability prevented that from happening. I had a great job but myperformance suffered.

This went on for years. YEARS. I thought that I was managing it, and I was. Until I wasn ‘ t.

One day, when I was 42 years old, I found myself in a closet banging my head against the wall. I had no idea what was going on.

A friend of mine scooped me up off the floor and took me to see a psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with chemical depression. He sent me off with some medication and instructions to follow up with a therapist.

That day changed my life.

I learned that chemical depression is a disease caused by a chemical imbalance. The same as heart disease, the same as thyroid disease. The way I was feeling was not because of some personal weakness but because my brain chemistry was letting me down. And that, treated, I was going to start enjoying my great life!

If you arefeeling depressed but nothing is wrong in your life then you too could bechemically depressed. This means that you have a chemical imbalance that causes depressive symptoms without something actually being wrong.

So, what do you do if you are feeling depressed but nothing is wrong? I have some suggestions.

#1 – Ask yourself a few questions.

A good way to get a sense of whether or not you are chemical depressed is to ask yourself some questions. They are:

  • Are you living with feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
  • Are you more irritable than usual?
  • Have you lost interest in things that used to make you happy?
  • Are you not sleeping as well as you used to?
  • Have your sleep patterns changed? Are you spending more time in bed?
  • Have your eating patterns changed? Have you lost or gained weight?
  • Are you more anxious than you used to be?
  • Do you struggle with feelings of worthlessness?
  • Do you have a hard time focusing?
  • Do you think about committing suicide?
  • Do you have new physical problems, like headaches or backaches.

If you answered yes to any, or all, of these questions you are most likely suffering from chemical depression.

Now, ask yourself if this has happened to you before? How regularly? Does anyone else in your family struggle with depression? Were there any traumatic experiences in your life that might have affected your deeply?

If you answer YES to any of those questions you most likely suffer from chemical depression.

What to do next?

#2 – Don ‘ t be embarrassed.

Many people who are diagnosed with chemical depression are embarrassed. Embarrassed that they can ‘ t just ‘ suck it up. ‘ That they might have some kind of personal deficiency that makes them weak in the face of this perceived disease.

Let me tell you! You are not weak. You are not lacking something that others have that make it so that you can’t ‘ ˜suck it up. ‘ You are actually incredibly brave for facing this issue head on.

Again, chemical depression is a disease caused by a chemical imbalance. The same as heart disease, the same as thyroid disease.

Chemical depression is perceived by many in society to be a personal weakness. I mean how can you be depressed if nothing is wrong? Luckily more and more people are speaking up about living with mental illness. More and more people, including many famous people, are being honest about living well with their condition and helping to eliminate the stigma about mental illness.

So, join the celebrities. Don ‘ t be embarrassed. Chemical depression is not something that you could have prevented. But it is something that you can deal with.

#3 – See your primary care doctor immediately.

If you are feeling depressed but your life is great it is important that you reach out to your primary care doctor as soon as possible to tell her about your symptoms. Seeking medical help is key to dealing with depression.

Many primary care physicians are knowledgeable about the treatment of depression and can help you with treatment right away. Some primary care doctors might refer you to a psychiatrist who can help you diagnose and manage your depression.

Either way, see you doctor right away.

#4 – Stick to whatever regimen the doctor prescribes.

This is a key part of dealing with chemical depression.

What often happens is that a doctor prescribes a medication to help someone manage their depression and then once they are feeling better they stop taking it. And what happens next? The depression comes back.

So, stick to your treatment. Continue to take your meds. Just like you would if your doctor had prescribed meds to help you with a thyroid issue. Or diabetes.

#5 – Surround yourself with people who love you.

Many people who suffer from chemical depression tend to isolate themselves from friends and family. Making the effort to spend time with people and to pretend to enjoy themselves is just too much. So, they don ‘ t.

Make an effort to get yourself out there and spend time with people who love you. Spending time with people who make you laugh, who keep you out of your head and make you feel good about yourself is very important to managing your clinical depression.

 

If you are asking yourself why am I depressed even if your life is great then you may be struggling with clinical depression.

The best way to deal with it is to get yourself to see your doctor right away and then stick with the medical treatment they prescribe. Also make sure to take care of yourself and surround yourself with people who love you.

You, like millions of other women, can have a full and happy life living withchemical depression. All you need to do is to pick up the phone and call your doctor.

Do it TODAY!

Are you strugglingwithdepression even though your life is great?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before the pain gets to be too much!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

How to Know When to End a Relationship That is Making You Miserable

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Are you wondering how to end a relationship because you are in one right now that is making you miserable? Are you scaredabout what’s next and wondering how to know when to end a relationship because right now you are feeling nothing but pain?

Let me help you.

Deciding to let go of someone you love is a very hard thing to do. Much like the hope that a coma victim will wake up, the hope of resurrecting lost love is one that ‘ s hard to let go of.

So how do you decide? Check out my list below. If any, or all, of these criteria fit your situation then perhaps it ‘ s time to end your relationship and move on.

#1 – Do you guys still have fun?

The first question to ask yourself is do you and your guy still have fun together?

I know that you did in the beginning. You would stay up late at night talking about things, you would go on grand adventures and enjoy just being together and laughing.

Do you still do that regularly? Perhaps the intial excitement has tapered off some but do you still enjoy each other ‘ s company? Does your heart skip a beat when he walks into the room. Do you choose time with each other, more often than not, over time with others?

If the fun is gone from your relationship then it might be time to get out. Once problems start we always hope that we can get to that exciting beginning place but if the fun and enjoyment is gone, it ‘ s hard to replace it.

#2 – Is he giving you mixed messages?

Is your man alternating hot and cold? Do some days he seem like his loving self and then others is he crabby and distant and no fun to be with?

Unless your man has bi-polar disorder, a man who is playing up and down with his woman is a man no longer interested.

If a man wants something, particularly a woman, he will move heaven and earth to get it. If your man only wants you some days and not others then he isn ‘ t making any effort at all to keep you.

So, unless your man is always hot for you, let him go.

#3 – Does he have nothing to give you?

Having a man who runs hot and cold can be very upsetting. Even worse, but harder to spot, is a man who gives you nothing.

Has your man stopped asking how you are doing? Has he stopped asking you out on dates or bringing home the groceries or including you in activities with his friends? Does he no longer listen when you talk or seem to care at all about what you think?

A man like this is a man who has nothing left to give to the woman he used to love.

Unfortunately, for many women, when they are trying to save a relationship that was once so promising, they become so obsessed with saving it that they don ‘ t notice how little of it still exists.

They will talk more to fill in the silences left by the absence of questions. They will invite themselves along on outings they weren ‘ t invited to. They will plan things that the two of them can do together. As a result, women don ‘ t notice that their man has completely checked out.

So, take a moment and think about your relationship. What has your man done for you lately? If the list is short then it ‘ s time to let him go.

#4 – Does history keeps repeating itself.

Are you and your guy stuck in a cycle of good and bad, up and down, highs and lows? Are there days when things feel almostlike they used to and then days when things are so bad that you want to cry?

Does your man tell you that he needs space and disappear only to reappear a few weeks later telling you how much he misses you? Do you fight over the same subjects over and over? Are you stuck in a cycle of misery?

If you find yourself in these kinds of patterns, where things are never constantly good but rather a roller coaster of emotions that is sucking you dry, then it ‘ s time to let go.

#5 – Are you staying for the wrong reasons?

Be honest. Do you sometimes think that you just can ‘ t let this guy go because you believe if you do that you will never love, or be loved, again?

Do you think about going back on Match.com or that you might have to attend the Christmas party alone and feel nothing but dread at the prospect?

If you are feeling this way then it ‘ s definitely time to let go of your man. If you are staying with your guy because you are worried that there won ‘ t ever be someone else then you are staying with him for the wrong reasons.

Because there will be another love out there for you but you will never find him if you are stuck a relationship that isn ‘ t making you happy. If you can let go of this one then you will set yourself up, physically and energetically, to find that person who will love you forever.

I am guessing that, if you are reading this article, you are wondering how to know when to end a relationship because you suspect, deep down, that yours isn ‘ t the one for you.

But it ‘ s hard to admit this and even harder to let go.

It is essential, for your mental health and the health of your future love life, that you pay hard attention to whether it ‘ s time to let go of a lost love.

Do you guys still have fun? Is he treating you well and consisently? Are you worried you will never love again?

Ask yourself these questions and, if the answers fit, be determined to let go of your lost love.

And just how do you do that? Check out this article:5 Life Saving Ways to Let Go of Someone Who Doesn ‘ t Love You so that You Can Be Happy. It will guide you, step by step, through a process that might be difficult but that will be worth it in the long run.

You CAN do this!

Are you strugglingwithhow to know when to end a relationship
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before the pain gets to be too much!
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How To Tell Someone You Love Them — Without Words

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Sure, it ‘ s easy to use tell someone you love them but have you ever considered how to tell someone you love them without words?

Are you in love? Isn ‘ t it wonderful? Every day you share with your person is a new and wonderful day. You hope that you feel like this forever.

It is important that you tell your someone you love them but it ‘ s also important to put actions behind your words so that your person not only hears that you love them but feels it!

So, how to tell someone you love them without words? Let me explain.

# 1- Love them as they want to be loved.

I truly believe that one of the best tools in a successful relationship is Gary Chapman ‘ s5 Love Languages.

He has devoted his website and his book to his theory that there are five love languages, five ways that people express and receive love.

The languages are: Quality Time, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service and Giving of Gifts.

For each person one of those things is the thing that makes them feel the most loved when they are done unto them. When a partner tries to love them using a different love language they don ‘ t feel loved.

My love language is Quality Time – I feel loved when someone is truly present with me, listening to me, focusing on me. My ex-husbands ‘ love language was Physical Touch – he felt love when I was holding his hand, hugging him or, yep, that too.

Unfortunately, the language that we spoke best with each other was Acts of Service – we did things for each other, like changing the oil in the car or going to the grocery store. Stuff got done but neither of us felt loved.

Check out the 5 Love Language atwww.5lovelanguages.com. There you will find a short quiz that you and your partner can both take and you can start loving each other in a way that will work.

#2 – Take care of them but let them return the favor.

Everyone enjoys taking care of someone but many of us are really bad at letting people take care of us.

One of the best answers to the question of how to tell someone that you love them without words is to let them take care of you.

Think about how good it feels when you do something nice for someone. How it connects you to that person and makes you feel good about yourself.

Imagine how good it would feel for your partner to do something for you. So, let him! Even if you can do it for yourself, let him do it. Let him feel good about helping you. It is an excellent way to show someone you love them – to let them show you the same.

#3 – Hear them.

For women, an important part of being loved is feeling connected. Men often don’t understand what that means, to be connected, for a women.

I have a client who wants his girlfriend to know that he loves her. He thinks that the best way to do that is by making sure they have good memories. So, he arranges trips and dinners and other expensive things, hoping to create wonderful memories.

His girlfriend has expressed her dismay that he is spending so much money on her and he brushed it off, telling her that she was worth it. She wasn’t happy.

I suggested that he tell her that he recognizes and respects her concerns and that he has arranged some free things that they can do together to build memories. She was happy.

For women, being seen, heard, understood and acknowledged is an important part of feeling loved.

#4 – Share their passions.

I have a client whose boyfriend LOVES working on cars. LOVES it. He worked on cars with his father and he does so now with his son and he would rather work on cars then just about anything.

This love was driving my client crazy because he wanted to spend time with her but also wanted to work on his car. So, I suggested a compromise.

I suggested that she try to get interested in some aspects of his car work and learn from him so that she could spend time with him. In exchange, he would be willing to spend some time with her, doing things other than car work.

By supporting your partner’s passions you are letting them know that you respect and love who they are as a person. And sulking in a corner because you don’t like what he is doing isn’t going to buy you any love at all.

#5 – Support them always.

I know it has happened to all of us that our partner comes up with some pie-in-the sky idea that is the new driving force in their lives. It ‘ s exciting and new and all they want to talk about.

And I am sure it has happened to all of us that we think our partner ‘ s new idea is crazy.

I remember in college my soccer-playing, skiing, manly-man of a boyfriend turned to me after a dance performance and announced that he wanted to be a dancer. I actually laughed in his face. This was 30 years ago and I still remember the hurt look in his eyes. He never became a dancer.

To this day I wish I had supported him. That ‘ s what people who love each other do for each other. He might never had become a dancer but having the person who loved him believe in him would have been such a gift. Even better would have not being on the receiving end of my derision.

So, support them. No matter what.

#6 – Don ‘ t be critical.

You know how you feel when you go to visit your in-laws and your mother-in-law makes some passive aggressive, disparaging comment about something you did. You know how shitty that makes you feel? And you don ‘ t even really like your mother-in-law.

Imagine what your partner, who loves you, must feel like when you are critical of them.

I have a client whose wife gives him the one over every time they are headed out the door. She tells him if his hair is out of place or if his shirt is right or if he is carrying the right bag for the task ahead. And while she is quick to sayYour pants have a hole in them, she never saysYou are perfect today, honey. Thank you.

My client at first tried to anticipate what his wife might want but as time went on he only felt resentment towards her criticism. He actually started not only making choices that he knew would antagonize her but he ignored whatever she mentioned at the door.

So, be careful not to be critical. If you have something to say, say it with love. And if itdoesn ‘ t need to be said, don ‘ t say it. Life will go on if his hair isn ‘ t just right.

#7 – Don ‘ t take things personally.

There is nothing more insidious in a relationship than notforgiving someone for a wrong. And for some reason couples who love each other are really, really good at not forgiving each other. If someone does something wrong nothing they can do will make up for that wrong. And that wrong will be played out verbally, over and over, forever.

People are only human. We do things that hurt people. Rarely do we do things to hurt someone on purpose. And yet, in relationships, we often take the thing that someone does to us so personally that we refuse to believe that theydidn ‘ t set out to hurt us. And that is unforgivable.

I have a client whose partner was so late getting home one night that he missed a date they had planned. He was delayed at work and then got stuck in traffic and it was a disaster. She took it personally.If you loved me, she said,you would have gotten home on time. And she truly believed what she said.

The reality is is that he DOES love her. He justdidn ‘ t allow enough time. And he blew it, but he does love her. And it ‘ s important for her to understand that. And it makes it easier to forgive. He was late. Hedidn ‘ t plan well. He blew it. And he does love her.

Of course, another piece of forgiveness is that the wrong-doer must apologize for the hurt caused. Because therein lies the issue that will carry forth forever – the hurt. Not so much the actions but the resulting feelings.

So, don ‘ t take things personally. And apologize for the hurt. Forgive and move on.

#8 – Never show contempt.

If there is one thing that kills love, it ‘ s contempt. Do anything that you can to keep it out of your relationship.

Contempt seems to rear its ugly head when wrongs fester, when people don ‘ t forgive, when being critical is the norm and respect is lost. Contempt manifests itself with derisive comments about your partner, comments about who they are as a person.

My ex-husband had a really hard time getting things done around the house. I told him, over and over, that if he was my employee I would fire him. And Iwouldn ‘ t say it in a loving way. I would say itdismissively, almost with a wave of my hand. I can only imagine how it must have felt to be on the receiving end of my contempt.

Therapists say that when they see contempt in a relationship they know that it ‘ s close to over. So, if you find yourself acting contemptuously STOP, assess and figure out what needs to be done.

Don ‘ t let contempt kill love. Because it will.

If you are wondering how to tell someone you love them without words, there are many ways to do so.

You hug them and kiss them and have sex with them and tell them that they are wonderful and hang out with their friends and visit their mother. All of those things are an excellent way toshow you someone you love them.

But they will have a hard time accepting your love if youaren ‘ t willing to forgive them, if you can ‘ t support them and are constantly critical of them. Back up your kisses with words and actions and they will know that you are the one for them.

If you have read this far you must really love someone and want them to know.
Let me help you, NOW, before they get away!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

How To Stop Feeling Depressed At Night: 7 Tips That Really Work

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Are you struggling with depression and wondering how to stop feeling depressed at night?

Depression is horrible and, for some reason, it seems to get worse at night. There is something about the sun going down and the silence settling in that makes our depression seem more profound. How exciting is it that daylight savings time is here and the nights are getting shorter!

I have lived with depression for years and have some tips to share with you today that will definitely help you manage your nighttime depression.

For me, there are two separate times of the night that need to be managed: the evening hours before bed and then the time during the night when I wake up. I have tips for both times of the night because they are a little bit different to deal with, I believe.

What to do in the evening, before bed:

#1 – Keep your mind busy.

An important part of how to stop feeling depressed at night is to keep your mind busy during the evening hours.

The thing about nighttime is that we often don ‘ t have enough to do so our brains, instead of being productive, go down the path towards all the things that are wrong in our life which then leads to, and deepens, our depression. It ‘ s important to stop your thoughts from going down that path before they even start.

Things like reading, watching your favorite show on Netflix and talking or texting with a friend are all things that will keep your mind busy during the night and away from all of the negative self-talk.

I would definite encourage you to stay off social media if you are feeling depressed. Sometimes social media makes you feel more connected to the world, but, more often than not, social media can make you feel isolated and less than. So, text away with a friend but spending hours on Snap Chat or Instagram will not serve you well.

#2 – Do things that comfort you.

An important part of managing how to stop feeling depressed at night is to do things that comfort you.

For me, a cup of tea and a hot bath go a long way towards making me feel loved and comforted. I also have a weighted blanket that I curl up under when I watch TV. Something about the weight on your body has been clinically proven to make a big difference with people who are struggling with depression and anxiety.

What are things that would comfort you at night? Take stock of those things now, by the light of day, so you can have them at the ready.

Ice cream and sugar are things many people turn to but I would encourage you to stay away from those things at night because they could interfere with your sleep. If you must have sugar, the earlier in the evening the better.

#3 – Journal.

If you find that you have not been able to stop those negative thoughts in their tracks, a good thing to do if you ‘ re feeling depressed at night is to journal.

There ‘ s something about getting those negative thoughts out of your head and onto paper that makes them easier to manage. Sometimes when we see our thoughts written out on paper they become less powerful because we can see them more clearly.

If you don ‘ t have an official journal, that ‘ s okay. You can just get a notebook and write things down or, if you want to, you can use your computer. I find that using a pen and paper is the most effective for me.

#4 – Know that the morning will come.

An important part of how to stop feeling depressed at night is to keep in mind that, no matter what, the morning and the sunshine will come.

Sometimes, that nighttime depression makes us think that we will never get through the night, that we will never see the light of day. That our depression will overwhelm us and the night will never end.

But night has never not turned to day. And with day, comes work and friends and activities and sunshine. Even if it continues, depression can seem not so heavy during the light of day.

What to do if you wake up in the middle of the night:

#1 – Don ‘ t lay there ruminating.

If you wake up in the middle of the night and find that your depression comes roaring back because all of your negative thoughts wake up with you, a really important thing to do is to not lie there, ruminating.

Instead, pick up your book or a magazine, but not your phone, to distract your mind from those thoughts. They say that reading for 20 minutes if you wake up increases your chances of falling back asleep than if you just lie there working yourself up, thinking about things.

So, keep some reading material next to your bed so if you wake up at night you don ‘ t spend those precious sleep hours in your head.

You ‘ ll be much better able to face the next day if you get enough sleep and that will in turn will help you manage your depression.

#2 – Use a calming app.

There are lots of calming apps out there now that can help ease your anxiety and depression during the nighttime. They use meditation, music, words of affirmation and other means to help your body and mind stay calm at night.

My favorite is Calm but I know there are others. Do some looking and see what works for you.

#3 – Know that the morning will come.

Again, when we are lying awake at night it ‘ s often hard to believe that the long night hours will ever end. But if there ‘ s one thing you can believe, always, it ‘ s that the sun will rise.

So, don ‘ t sink into the darkness of the night. Have hope that tomorrow will come and, with it, another day.

Good for you for getting ahead of your depression and trying to figure out how to stop feeling depressed at night.

Nighttime depression can be completely debilitating but managing it is not impossible.

In the evening hours, make an effort to keep your mind occupied, give yourself comfort, write out your words and have hope for tomorrow. Overnight, again try to keep your mind from sabotaging you and use those apps to help you get back to sleep.

If you are struggling with depression and these tips don ‘ t help, I would definitely encourage you to reach out to your primary care doctor to talk to them about more ways to manage your depression. It ‘ s important to stay on top of it so that it doesn ‘ t get worse.

You can do it!

Are you strugglingwithnight time depression?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before the pain gets to be too much!
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What Kind of Woman Never Gives Up On Her Dreams?

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What kind of woman never gives up on her dreams? That is a question that I get asked all the time.

In my many years as a life coach, I have worked with all sorts of women. They all come to me looking for help through difficult times and some of them have more success than others.

When I look back at those who have made it through those difficult times, I can see 5 personality traits all women who never give up have in common.

So what kind of woman never gives up?

# 1 – She is self-confident.

Without exception, the kind of woman who never gives up is self-confident.

Women who are self-confident know who they are in the world, know what they ‘ re capable of and have life experience that shows them that they can do what they need to do if they try hard enough.

Ironically, many women build self-confidence as they successfully navigate their difficult times. One of my clients was deserted by her husband, leaving her alone and feeling worthless. While she worked hard to get her life back, she developed a steely self-confidence because she knew she was going through hell and back and was prevailing.

Self-confidence is a key part of knowing that you have resilience and that you will be okay.

#2 – She is determined.

Women who never give up on their dreams are determined. Always.

Picture yourself running a marathon. You reach mile 13 and you say to yourselfI will never be able to do this. A woman who has no resilience would pull over to the side of the road and drink the proffered lemonade, happy enough that they have made it as far as they did.

A woman who is resilient would never give up. They would run until the end of that race no matter what kind of pain and suffering they experienced. They would be so determined to finish what they started that they would make it happen.

If you aren ‘ t determined to finish what you start, to reach a goal or to get through a difficult period, you ‘ ll never be able to do it. Before you start on your journey, ask yourself how determined you are. That level of determination will be a measure of your potential for success.

#3 – She is flexible.

A woman who never gives up is a woman who is flexible. A woman who believes that their way is the right way or the only course of action is a woman who will be stymied in their journey to get through difficult times.

I remember when I was getting a divorce I was determined that I would find love again as soon as possible. I joined Match.com and started dating every eligible man I encountered.

Surprise, surprise. I didn ‘ t find love. Instead, I was extremely frustrated at the lack a connection I had with these men. Rather than continuing on my initial course of action, finding love immediately, I decided to turn attention away from finding love towards building my business instead.

To my surprise, building my business did more to get me through those hard times than finding love ever would have.

If I hadn ‘ t been flexible in my perspective, and instead stayed on my original course, I might never have been resilient enough to get through those dark times.

#4 – She is persistently hopeful.

There is something about that woman who is persistently hopeful. They believe that, the matter what, everything is going to turn out fine. Someone who is persistently hopeful is someone who can be sometimes very annoying, especially when we are struggling.

A woman who is persistently hopeful, however, is someone who never gives up. No matter what obstacles are placed in front of them, they believe that everything will be okay. They know, deep in their heart, that they can get through difficult times and out the other side intact.

If you aren ‘ t a persistently hopeful person consider developing this personality trait. If you truly believe that everything will work out in the end then it most likely will.

#5 – She is resourceful.

Resourcefulness is a key part of never giving up.

Women who are resourceful have a plan. Women who are resourceful have resources they can tap into to make things happen. Women who are resourceful know people who can help them on their journey. Women who are resourceful are people who know, no matter what obstacles present themselves, they will figure out a way to get around them.

I always ask my clients what kind of tools they already having their toolbox to help them deal with difficult times. Who can support them? What kind of books can they read? What kind of experiences have they had in the past that they can draw from that might be helpful in the situation?

When you are going through difficult times, and you need resilience more than anything, look around at the resources you have available to you to help you move forward and be successful.

In my experience, women who never give up share common personality traits.

They have self-confidence, determination, flexibility, persistent hopefulness and resourcefulness. They use those personality traits every day to get them through difficult times

Fortunately, all of these personality traits are ones that you can develop with consciousness and action. When you are going through dark times, dig deep and find your self-confidence. Set out to be determined always and be flexible when necessary. Always keep an eye out for that person or thing who can help you on your journey and know that it ‘ s all going to be okay.

Be the kind of woman who never gives up on their dreams and, really, everything will be okay!

I promise.

Are you strugglingwithnever giving up, no matter what?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before giving up feels like the only option!
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Why Are Boundaries Important In Marriage?

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Are you newly married and are you wondering why are boundaries important in marriage?

Do you have no idea what marriage boundaries are or where to start?

Fortunately, I have helped many couples establish and stick to boundaries in their marriage. Let me help you!

To understand healthymarriage boundaries look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds your life together. They hold your food and your bed and your possessions and it ‘ s where you live your life.

Healthy marriage boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your marriage as it matures. To have a healthy relationship, one that can grow and be fruitful, it is important that it has structures, boundaries, that support it.

Healthy marriage boundaries come in many shapes, sizes and colors. Really, it ‘ s important for each couple to decide what works for them. But there are a few boundaries that are essential for every healthy marriage.

#1 – Be yourself always.

For many people, when they are married, they become less of themselves.

Many people, men and women take on their spouse ‘ s friendships, their hobbies and their ways of doing things.

It is VERY important that all peoplestay themselveswhen in a relationship.

Why? Because every healthy relationship is based on truth and if you are anything other than your true self your marriage will never be really healthy.

It is also important that you continue to respect yourself and you will respect yourself by being yourself. By continuing to have your friends, to do your own hobbies, to have a career that you love and a healthy lifestyle that serves you, you will wake up every day feeling good about yourself.

And when you feel good about yourself your partner will love you even more because he knows you are being your true self, someone who is ambitious and smart and willing to take risks to get what she wants.

So be yourself in your relationship. Ahealthy marriagerequires it.

#2 – Let go of rigidity and be flexible.

I have a client whose new husband moved into a house that she already owned. Right away they had issues because it was her house and she wanted to do things her way and that just wasn ‘ t okay with him.

It is important that everyone be flexible in a relationship. Just like you would at work or with your family, it is important to work with your partner so that you can both live a life that is authentic to you.

You know the phrase ‘ My way or the highway? ‘ That phrase has no place in any healthy marriage.

So, embrace flexibility. Choose the things that are important to you and stay true to them but be willing to see what might be important to your man and work with him so that you both can live a life that makes you happy. Together and apart.

#3 – Maintain mutual respect.

One of the biggest romance killers in a marriage is lack of respect and contempt.

The saying ‘ ˜familiarity breeds contempt ‘ is an accurate one and something that happens in many marriages over the years.

It is important in every relationship that you each respect each other. Respect each other within the confines of your relationship by speaking to each other honestly, sharing your feelings and needs in an open way. By not attacking each other personally and criticizing each other ‘ s behaviors and actions.

Furthermore, it ‘ s important to not criticize your partner out in the world. The general rule of thumb is that you not tell something about your partner to anyone that you haven ‘ t already shared with your partner.

When I was married, I talked to my friends WAY more about the problems in my marriage than I did to my husband. This didn ‘ t do our relationship any good because we weren ‘ tcommunicatingand giving our relationship a chance to improve. And when we were together I treated my husband with contempt because I no longer respected him.

I am no longer married.

So, make sure you treat each other with respect, both inside and outside the relationship.

#4 – Keep the power dynamic even.

In many marriages it happens that at some point one person becomes the one calling the shots. And while this seems to work on one level, ultimately the relationship will become uneven. And when power dynamics are unequal, a marriage can change.

Make an effort to keep the decision making even in your marriage. If you are good at organizing your social life then do that but give him opportunity to choose events. If he is good at managing the finances let him do that but continue to have input into where the money goes and why.

Letting your marriage ‘ s playing field become uneven allows it to slip into a sort of parent/child dynamic, where one person is in charge and the other does as they are told. Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you?

Not so much.

#5 – Know that time apart is okay.

When they are falling in love, couples want to spend every available minute together. The feelings that accompany falling in love are addictive and hard to walk away from even for a short while.

It is important, however, that you spend time apart from the one you love.

You know the old saying ‘ ˜absence makes the heart grow fonder? ‘ It ‘ s true!

Think about how you feel when you go on a diet. How you can ‘ t eat ice cream for a month while you lose those 5 pounds and, man, do you miss your ice cream. It ‘ s the same thing in a relationship. Stepping away from your partner, even for a bit, makes you both notice the void that is created in his or her absence.

And then the heart grows fonder.

So, spend some time apart. Miss each other. Value each other. Keep that spark alive.

Wondering why are boundaries important in marriage is an excellent way to ensure that you have a good strong relationship that will last forever.

Marriages are built from two people who have two separate lives and two separate ways of living. It is important that the couple build a new life together. A new life with four walls that will keep it safe and strong.

So, don ‘ t let one of you be in charge, respect each other, like yourself, spend time apart and be flexible.

Talk to your partner and build your house from a place of love and beauty and self-confidence, one that will be strong enough to stand the test of time and allow your marriage to be a healthy one.

You can do it!

Are you struggling with setting boundaries in your marriage?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before problems start!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

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