How to Let Go of Toxic People Who Are Holding You Back

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Are you wondering how to let go of toxic people who are holding you back?

Do you know that some people in your life just aren ‘ t good for you but you are finding it difficult to let them go?

Fortunately, there are ways to let go of toxic people but first let ‘ s examine why it ‘ s hard to let go of one.

For many people, staying in a toxic relationship is better than being alone.

We often don ‘ t feel so good about ourselves and the other person feeds our feelings of insecurity with their toxicity.

Sometime we feel like we think we are the only person who can help/fix this other person so we are hesitant to step away from them, even if they are sucking us dry.

And, finally, we are often stuck in patterns with these people, patterns that we are incapable of breaking for a variety of reasons.

Now do you see how letting go of toxic people can be very difficult? Understanding the ‘ ˜why ‘ can often make the ‘ ˜how ‘ easier.

#1 – Make a decision – and stick to it!

Before you begin any life changing process you must ask yourself how determined you are to actually do it. On a scale of 1-10 how close to a 10 are you? Because withoutsteadfast determination you will not be able to accomplish something as challenging as letting go of a toxic person in your life.

So, are you ready to do this? Is there any part of you that is holding on to the possibility that things could work out? Do you feel like you aren ‘ t strong enough to do this yet?

If the answer to any of these questions is ayes, then perhaps you should wait a bit longer before you begin this process. Time is a great healer and with some time you will get stronger and be ready to take on this challenging task.

Either way, ask yourself some tough questions about this relationship and make aconscious decision to stay or go. Doing so, making a purposeful move, will help you start respecting and loving yourself again which is a key part of letting go of toxic people and moving on.

#2 – Take inventory.

One of the first thing I tell all of my clients when they ask how to let go of toxic people is to make a list – a list of all of the reasons that they need to walk away from that person.

When we spend time with someone, we are regularly exposed to those things that remind us that we need to walk away. When we finally get away from that person, those things tend to recede into our memory. They get replaced in the forefront of our mind with the good things, the good times, all the things that we loved about that person.

And, with the good things at the front of our minds, we are vulnerable to returning to the relationship that is causing us pain.

So, make a list. Make a list of everything that you can think of that is making you walk away from this person. Keep that list close and refer to it when you are missing him.

You left this relationship for a reason. Keep that reason in mind daily going forward.

#3 – Disappear.

I know that we all think that we need ‘ closure ‘ at the end of any relationship, that final conversation where everyone gets to say what they want to say and you understand each other and walk away as friends.

I am here to tell you that closure is a myth. What closure really is is one last chance to spend time with and talk to that person you care about. Because really, if you could have a conversation and finally understand each other why couldn ‘ t you make it work as a couple or as friends?

So, when you have decided to let of of a toxic person is over, cut him or her off from any contact with you. Block them on your phone, disconnect on social media, stay away from places where you know they will be.

Why? Because what you need to do is break the addiction you have to this person, to change your habits.

Think about Oreo cookies. You know how hard it is to eat just one? It ‘ s the same with your person. Even one point of contact can draw you back into their circle, the circle that you have decided that you are determined to break yourself out of.

So, cut off all contact right away. Don ‘ t let them have access to you in any way. It will make the process way easier!

#4 – Choose love.

For many of us, being in a toxic relationship can mean that we have disconnected with people who might previously have been a big part of our lives. None of us do it intentionally, or with malice, but it does happen. And those friends are still out there.

Make an effort to reach out to those friends, the friends who knew you ‘ ˜before. ‘ They will be happy to have you back and happy to support you getting through this time.

Also, now is a great time to make new friends. I have a client who is using Bumble BFF, an app for women to connect with other women,to find some new friends, ones who are single and want to get out and do things like she does. She has connected with some amazing women in just a few weeks.

Also, make an effort to spend time with your family if they provide love and support. Nothing can help you replace the empty space left by your toxic person then those who love you more than anyone else in the world.

People are a great way to get you through a tough time. And you have lots of people. Reach out and find them again.

#5 – Live.

Another thing to do with all of that free time is to start doing something that you have always wanted to do. Don ‘ t sit around feeling sorry for your empty space –do something with it.

When a client of mine left her toxic boyfriend she was a wreck and feeling lonely as hell. I asked her if there was anything that she had always wanted to do, something that she hadn ‘ t done because she was in a relationship.

Without a pause she said YES – she had always wanted to learn Italian and spend some traveling in Italy. Could she do that now? I asked. And she said,Why the hell not?

So, my client downloaded alanguage app and set out making plans to travel to Italy in the spring. She researched tour groups, found a few friends to come with her, worked to get in shape and ultimately went on the trip of her dreams.

The planning kept her occupied instead of focusing on her guy and the trip changed her life, making her realize that if she could do that she could do anything.

What is it that you have always wanted to do? Pick one thing and start doing it. You have the time. Life is short. Don ‘ t waste it!

Knowing how to let go of toxic people who are holding you back takes awareness and determination.

We are so scared of being alone or making someone else unhappy that we often sacrifice our own health and well being. It ‘ s important to stop that NOW.

Take stock of your determination to get out of the relationship, take stock of why, disappear completely, reach out to others and live your life.

Life is too short to surround yourself with toxic people. Choose yourself for once and get on with living your best life!

Are you strugglingwitha toxic person inyourlife?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before your life gets completely derailed!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

How to be Assertive in Relationships

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Are you wondering how to be assertive in relationships? Is yours struggling and are you worried that your lack of assertiveness may be part of the problem?

I have built a business around helping people who are struggling in relationships. Unfortunately, there are many people struggling because relationships are really, really hard.

More than any other reason, I believe lack of assertiveness as the basis of many relationship issues, for both men and women.

Most women aren ‘ t naturally assertive – we tend to sit back and follow other people ‘ s lead and be happy enough with the outcome.

Men often lack assertiveness because they want to keep the peace but, in the end, they are left bitterly unhappy.

Fortunately, many of us have learned the skill of assertiveness in relationships and we have figure out the best things to do.

So, let me share with you my secrets about how to be assertive in relationships.

#1 – Have self-awareness.

People who are assertive in relationship are people who know themselves and they know what they want in a relationship.

I know when I was married, I knew I was unhappy but I didn ‘ t know why. When we went to marriage counseling there was always discussion around the nebulous cloud that was my unhappiness but we never attacked it directly because I couldn ‘ t define what it was.

Since I have become more self-aware, I have realized what happiness means to me – to be noticed, to be heard, to be valued, to be seen. When those things happen, I feel loved and I am happy.

If you aren ‘ t self aware, take some time to develop that personality trait. Take stock of what is important to you in a relationship so that you know what to ask for when the time comes.

#2 – Be self-confident.

People who are assertive in relationships are very often self-confident.

Why? Because to be able to ask for what you want in a relationship, you have to believe in yourself, in your self-worth.

I know many people who are self-aware, who know what they want in a relationship, but who don ‘ t ask for it because they don ‘ t believe themselves to be worthy. And if you don ‘ t ask, you don ‘ t get.

Taking stock of why you are worthy, in the world and in love, will get you a long way towards being assertive in a relationship and getting you the love that you seek.

#3 – Communicate clearly.

So, let ‘ s say you know what you want and you believe that you are worthy of getting it but you have no freaking idea of how to ask for it.

You are there, sitting across from your person, having a heart to heart and when the time comes to ask for what you want you just can ‘ t find the words. And if you don ‘ t have the words to ask for what you want, how are you going to get it?

Are you a good communicator? If you are, great! If you aren ‘ t, find a friend, or a life coach, and have them work with you to find the words to ask for what you want. It ‘ s not as hard as it seems – it ‘ s a skill that needs to be cultivated, just like any other.

#4 – Use your intuition.

My husband used to say that he would never be able to have an affair because my Spidey-sense would just know. I used to laugh but I know that it ‘ s true – it was hard for him to get away with anything, good or bad, because my intuition was usually dead on.

People who have a strong intuition that they can rely on are usually excellent at being assertive in relationships. Why? Because people who are intuitive trust their gut. They trust that they know what they want and believe that their instincts around others are dead on.

By having faith in oneself, and one ‘ s perceptions of others, it is easy to speak up and ask for what you want because you truly believe.

If you don ‘ t already, listen when your gut tells you something. If you have a ‘ ˜feeling ‘ that something is off, trust that feeling. Don ‘ t rationalize it away. Speak up!

#5 – Be resolute.

Being assertive in relationships is simply impossible without being resolute.

Do you know that person, perhaps you see her in the mirror, who just can ‘ t make up her mind?

She knows that she wants something but she can ‘ t quite put her finger on what it is. As a result, when she tries to ask for what she wants she fails because there is no conviction behind her words.

How does one cultivate the personality trait of being resolute? Start small. Choose one thing that is important to you and do it, no matter what. Set your intention and don ‘ t let anything get in your way.

Once you see the power of what happens if you set your mind to something you will want to practice it in all areas of your life.

Learning how to be assertive in relationships is very important and can be a challenge but one worth meeting.

In this crazy world, we need to identify what it is we want, we need to believe that we are worthy, we need to be able to speak to what those things are, we need to trust our gut and we need to be resolute in making it happen.

Don ‘ t spend your life and love allowing things to just happen, hoping for the best. Decide what you want in a relationship and go for it! NOW!

Are you strugglingwithbeing assertive in relationships?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before yourrelationship falls apart!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

My Life Is Great: Why Am I So Depressed?

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Have you been asking yourself Why am I so depressed because, really, my life is great?

Do you feel like you have everything that you want in your life but still you feel like you are carrying a hundred pound weight on your back, that you have no interest in anything and that all you want to do is sleep?

I am not a doctor but I can tell you that I used to feel that way all the time. I lived with this overwhelming sense of hopelessness and dread. I tried to be agood parent but keeping my energy up was close to impossible. I tried to begreat wife but my irritability prevented that from happening. I had a great job but myperformance suffered.

This went on for years. YEARS. I thought that I was managing it, and I was. Until I wasn ‘ t.

One day, when I was 42 years old, I found myself in a closet banging my head against the wall. I had no idea what was going on.

A friend of mine scooped me up off the floor and took me to see a psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with chemical depression. He sent me off with some medication and instructions to follow up with a therapist.

That day changed my life.

I learned that chemical depression is a disease caused by a chemical imbalance. The same as heart disease, the same as thyroid disease. The way I was feeling was not because of some personal weakness but because my brain chemistry was letting me down. And that, treated, I was going to start enjoying my great life!

If you arefeeling depressed but nothing is wrong in your life then you too could bechemically depressed. This means that you have a chemical imbalance that causes depressive symptoms without something actually being wrong.

So, what do you do if you are feeling depressed but nothing is wrong? I have some suggestions.

#1 – Ask yourself a few questions.

A good way to get a sense of whether or not you are chemical depressed is to ask yourself some questions. They are:

  • Are you living with feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
  • Are you more irritable than usual?
  • Have you lost interest in things that used to make you happy?
  • Are you not sleeping as well as you used to?
  • Have your sleep patterns changed? Are you spending more time in bed?
  • Have your eating patterns changed? Have you lost or gained weight?
  • Are you more anxious than you used to be?
  • Do you struggle with feelings of worthlessness?
  • Do you have a hard time focusing?
  • Do you think about committing suicide?
  • Do you have new physical problems, like headaches or backaches.

If you answered yes to any, or all, of these questions you are most likely suffering from chemical depression.

Now, ask yourself if this has happened to you before? How regularly? Does anyone else in your family struggle with depression? Were there any traumatic experiences in your life that might have affected your deeply?

If you answer YES to any of those questions you most likely suffer from chemical depression.

What to do next?

#2 – Don ‘ t be embarrassed.

Many people who are diagnosed with chemical depression are embarrassed. Embarrassed that they can ‘ t just ‘ suck it up. ‘ That they might have some kind of personal deficiency that makes them weak in the face of this perceived disease.

Let me tell you! You are not weak. You are not lacking something that others have that make it so that you can’t ‘ ˜suck it up. ‘ You are actually incredibly brave for facing this issue head on.

Again, chemical depression is a disease caused by a chemical imbalance. The same as heart disease, the same as thyroid disease.

Chemical depression is perceived by many in society to be a personal weakness. I mean how can you be depressed if nothing is wrong? Luckily more and more people are speaking up about living with mental illness. More and more people, including many famous people, are being honest about living well with their condition and helping to eliminate the stigma about mental illness.

So, join the celebrities. Don ‘ t be embarrassed. Chemical depression is not something that you could have prevented. But it is something that you can deal with.

#3 – See your primary care doctor immediately.

If you are feeling depressed but your life is great it is important that you reach out to your primary care doctor as soon as possible to tell her about your symptoms. Seeking medical help is key to dealing with depression.

Many primary care physicians are knowledgeable about the treatment of depression and can help you with treatment right away. Some primary care doctors might refer you to a psychiatrist who can help you diagnose and manage your depression.

Either way, see you doctor right away.

#4 – Stick to whatever regimen the doctor prescribes.

This is a key part of dealing with chemical depression.

What often happens is that a doctor prescribes a medication to help someone manage their depression and then once they are feeling better they stop taking it. And what happens next? The depression comes back.

So, stick to your treatment. Continue to take your meds. Just like you would if your doctor had prescribed meds to help you with a thyroid issue. Or diabetes.

#5 – Surround yourself with people who love you.

Many people who suffer from chemical depression tend to isolate themselves from friends and family. Making the effort to spend time with people and to pretend to enjoy themselves is just too much. So, they don ‘ t.

Make an effort to get yourself out there and spend time with people who love you. Spending time with people who make you laugh, who keep you out of your head and make you feel good about yourself is very important to managing your clinical depression.

 

If you are asking yourself why am I depressed even if your life is great then you may be struggling with clinical depression.

The best way to deal with it is to get yourself to see your doctor right away and then stick with the medical treatment they prescribe. Also make sure to take care of yourself and surround yourself with people who love you.

You, like millions of other women, can have a full and happy life living withchemical depression. All you need to do is to pick up the phone and call your doctor.

Do it TODAY!

Are you strugglingwithdepression even though your life is great?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before the pain gets to be too much!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

How to Know When to End a Relationship That is Making You Miserable

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Are you wondering how to end a relationship because you are in one right now that is making you miserable? Are you scaredabout what’s next and wondering how to know when to end a relationship because right now you are feeling nothing but pain?

Let me help you.

Deciding to let go of someone you love is a very hard thing to do. Much like the hope that a coma victim will wake up, the hope of resurrecting lost love is one that ‘ s hard to let go of.

So how do you decide? Check out my list below. If any, or all, of these criteria fit your situation then perhaps it ‘ s time to end your relationship and move on.

#1 – Do you guys still have fun?

The first question to ask yourself is do you and your guy still have fun together?

I know that you did in the beginning. You would stay up late at night talking about things, you would go on grand adventures and enjoy just being together and laughing.

Do you still do that regularly? Perhaps the intial excitement has tapered off some but do you still enjoy each other ‘ s company? Does your heart skip a beat when he walks into the room. Do you choose time with each other, more often than not, over time with others?

If the fun is gone from your relationship then it might be time to get out. Once problems start we always hope that we can get to that exciting beginning place but if the fun and enjoyment is gone, it ‘ s hard to replace it.

#2 – Is he giving you mixed messages?

Is your man alternating hot and cold? Do some days he seem like his loving self and then others is he crabby and distant and no fun to be with?

Unless your man has bi-polar disorder, a man who is playing up and down with his woman is a man no longer interested.

If a man wants something, particularly a woman, he will move heaven and earth to get it. If your man only wants you some days and not others then he isn ‘ t making any effort at all to keep you.

So, unless your man is always hot for you, let him go.

#3 – Does he have nothing to give you?

Having a man who runs hot and cold can be very upsetting. Even worse, but harder to spot, is a man who gives you nothing.

Has your man stopped asking how you are doing? Has he stopped asking you out on dates or bringing home the groceries or including you in activities with his friends? Does he no longer listen when you talk or seem to care at all about what you think?

A man like this is a man who has nothing left to give to the woman he used to love.

Unfortunately, for many women, when they are trying to save a relationship that was once so promising, they become so obsessed with saving it that they don ‘ t notice how little of it still exists.

They will talk more to fill in the silences left by the absence of questions. They will invite themselves along on outings they weren ‘ t invited to. They will plan things that the two of them can do together. As a result, women don ‘ t notice that their man has completely checked out.

So, take a moment and think about your relationship. What has your man done for you lately? If the list is short then it ‘ s time to let him go.

#4 – Does history keeps repeating itself.

Are you and your guy stuck in a cycle of good and bad, up and down, highs and lows? Are there days when things feel almostlike they used to and then days when things are so bad that you want to cry?

Does your man tell you that he needs space and disappear only to reappear a few weeks later telling you how much he misses you? Do you fight over the same subjects over and over? Are you stuck in a cycle of misery?

If you find yourself in these kinds of patterns, where things are never constantly good but rather a roller coaster of emotions that is sucking you dry, then it ‘ s time to let go.

#5 – Are you staying for the wrong reasons?

Be honest. Do you sometimes think that you just can ‘ t let this guy go because you believe if you do that you will never love, or be loved, again?

Do you think about going back on Match.com or that you might have to attend the Christmas party alone and feel nothing but dread at the prospect?

If you are feeling this way then it ‘ s definitely time to let go of your man. If you are staying with your guy because you are worried that there won ‘ t ever be someone else then you are staying with him for the wrong reasons.

Because there will be another love out there for you but you will never find him if you are stuck a relationship that isn ‘ t making you happy. If you can let go of this one then you will set yourself up, physically and energetically, to find that person who will love you forever.

I am guessing that, if you are reading this article, you are wondering how to know when to end a relationship because you suspect, deep down, that yours isn ‘ t the one for you.

But it ‘ s hard to admit this and even harder to let go.

It is essential, for your mental health and the health of your future love life, that you pay hard attention to whether it ‘ s time to let go of a lost love.

Do you guys still have fun? Is he treating you well and consisently? Are you worried you will never love again?

Ask yourself these questions and, if the answers fit, be determined to let go of your lost love.

And just how do you do that? Check out this article:5 Life Saving Ways to Let Go of Someone Who Doesn ‘ t Love You so that You Can Be Happy. It will guide you, step by step, through a process that might be difficult but that will be worth it in the long run.

You CAN do this!

Are you strugglingwithhow to know when to end a relationship
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before the pain gets to be too much!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let ‘ s get started!

How To Tell Someone You Love Them — Without Words

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Sure, it ‘ s easy to use tell someone you love them but have you ever considered how to tell someone you love them without words?

Are you in love? Isn ‘ t it wonderful? Every day you share with your person is a new and wonderful day. You hope that you feel like this forever.

It is important that you tell your someone you love them but it ‘ s also important to put actions behind your words so that your person not only hears that you love them but feels it!

So, how to tell someone you love them without words? Let me explain.

# 1- Love them as they want to be loved.

I truly believe that one of the best tools in a successful relationship is Gary Chapman ‘ s5 Love Languages.

He has devoted his website and his book to his theory that there are five love languages, five ways that people express and receive love.

The languages are: Quality Time, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service and Giving of Gifts.

For each person one of those things is the thing that makes them feel the most loved when they are done unto them. When a partner tries to love them using a different love language they don ‘ t feel loved.

My love language is Quality Time – I feel loved when someone is truly present with me, listening to me, focusing on me. My ex-husbands ‘ love language was Physical Touch – he felt love when I was holding his hand, hugging him or, yep, that too.

Unfortunately, the language that we spoke best with each other was Acts of Service – we did things for each other, like changing the oil in the car or going to the grocery store. Stuff got done but neither of us felt loved.

Check out the 5 Love Language atwww.5lovelanguages.com. There you will find a short quiz that you and your partner can both take and you can start loving each other in a way that will work.

#2 – Take care of them but let them return the favor.

Everyone enjoys taking care of someone but many of us are really bad at letting people take care of us.

One of the best answers to the question of how to tell someone that you love them without words is to let them take care of you.

Think about how good it feels when you do something nice for someone. How it connects you to that person and makes you feel good about yourself.

Imagine how good it would feel for your partner to do something for you. So, let him! Even if you can do it for yourself, let him do it. Let him feel good about helping you. It is an excellent way to show someone you love them – to let them show you the same.

#3 – Hear them.

For women, an important part of being loved is feeling connected. Men often don’t understand what that means, to be connected, for a women.

I have a client who wants his girlfriend to know that he loves her. He thinks that the best way to do that is by making sure they have good memories. So, he arranges trips and dinners and other expensive things, hoping to create wonderful memories.

His girlfriend has expressed her dismay that he is spending so much money on her and he brushed it off, telling her that she was worth it. She wasn’t happy.

I suggested that he tell her that he recognizes and respects her concerns and that he has arranged some free things that they can do together to build memories. She was happy.

For women, being seen, heard, understood and acknowledged is an important part of feeling loved.

#4 – Share their passions.

I have a client whose boyfriend LOVES working on cars. LOVES it. He worked on cars with his father and he does so now with his son and he would rather work on cars then just about anything.

This love was driving my client crazy because he wanted to spend time with her but also wanted to work on his car. So, I suggested a compromise.

I suggested that she try to get interested in some aspects of his car work and learn from him so that she could spend time with him. In exchange, he would be willing to spend some time with her, doing things other than car work.

By supporting your partner’s passions you are letting them know that you respect and love who they are as a person. And sulking in a corner because you don’t like what he is doing isn’t going to buy you any love at all.

#5 – Support them always.

I know it has happened to all of us that our partner comes up with some pie-in-the sky idea that is the new driving force in their lives. It ‘ s exciting and new and all they want to talk about.

And I am sure it has happened to all of us that we think our partner ‘ s new idea is crazy.

I remember in college my soccer-playing, skiing, manly-man of a boyfriend turned to me after a dance performance and announced that he wanted to be a dancer. I actually laughed in his face. This was 30 years ago and I still remember the hurt look in his eyes. He never became a dancer.

To this day I wish I had supported him. That ‘ s what people who love each other do for each other. He might never had become a dancer but having the person who loved him believe in him would have been such a gift. Even better would have not being on the receiving end of my derision.

So, support them. No matter what.

#6 – Don ‘ t be critical.

You know how you feel when you go to visit your in-laws and your mother-in-law makes some passive aggressive, disparaging comment about something you did. You know how shitty that makes you feel? And you don ‘ t even really like your mother-in-law.

Imagine what your partner, who loves you, must feel like when you are critical of them.

I have a client whose wife gives him the one over every time they are headed out the door. She tells him if his hair is out of place or if his shirt is right or if he is carrying the right bag for the task ahead. And while she is quick to sayYour pants have a hole in them, she never saysYou are perfect today, honey. Thank you.

My client at first tried to anticipate what his wife might want but as time went on he only felt resentment towards her criticism. He actually started not only making choices that he knew would antagonize her but he ignored whatever she mentioned at the door.

So, be careful not to be critical. If you have something to say, say it with love. And if itdoesn ‘ t need to be said, don ‘ t say it. Life will go on if his hair isn ‘ t just right.

#7 – Don ‘ t take things personally.

There is nothing more insidious in a relationship than notforgiving someone for a wrong. And for some reason couples who love each other are really, really good at not forgiving each other. If someone does something wrong nothing they can do will make up for that wrong. And that wrong will be played out verbally, over and over, forever.

People are only human. We do things that hurt people. Rarely do we do things to hurt someone on purpose. And yet, in relationships, we often take the thing that someone does to us so personally that we refuse to believe that theydidn ‘ t set out to hurt us. And that is unforgivable.

I have a client whose partner was so late getting home one night that he missed a date they had planned. He was delayed at work and then got stuck in traffic and it was a disaster. She took it personally.If you loved me, she said,you would have gotten home on time. And she truly believed what she said.

The reality is is that he DOES love her. He justdidn ‘ t allow enough time. And he blew it, but he does love her. And it ‘ s important for her to understand that. And it makes it easier to forgive. He was late. Hedidn ‘ t plan well. He blew it. And he does love her.

Of course, another piece of forgiveness is that the wrong-doer must apologize for the hurt caused. Because therein lies the issue that will carry forth forever – the hurt. Not so much the actions but the resulting feelings.

So, don ‘ t take things personally. And apologize for the hurt. Forgive and move on.

#8 – Never show contempt.

If there is one thing that kills love, it ‘ s contempt. Do anything that you can to keep it out of your relationship.

Contempt seems to rear its ugly head when wrongs fester, when people don ‘ t forgive, when being critical is the norm and respect is lost. Contempt manifests itself with derisive comments about your partner, comments about who they are as a person.

My ex-husband had a really hard time getting things done around the house. I told him, over and over, that if he was my employee I would fire him. And Iwouldn ‘ t say it in a loving way. I would say itdismissively, almost with a wave of my hand. I can only imagine how it must have felt to be on the receiving end of my contempt.

Therapists say that when they see contempt in a relationship they know that it ‘ s close to over. So, if you find yourself acting contemptuously STOP, assess and figure out what needs to be done.

Don ‘ t let contempt kill love. Because it will.

If you are wondering how to tell someone you love them without words, there are many ways to do so.

You hug them and kiss them and have sex with them and tell them that they are wonderful and hang out with their friends and visit their mother. All of those things are an excellent way toshow you someone you love them.

But they will have a hard time accepting your love if youaren ‘ t willing to forgive them, if you can ‘ t support them and are constantly critical of them. Back up your kisses with words and actions and they will know that you are the one for them.

If you have read this far you must really love someone and want them to know.
Let me help you, NOW, before they get away!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

How To Stop Feeling Depressed At Night: 7 Tips That Really Work

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Are you struggling with depression and wondering how to stop feeling depressed at night?

Depression is horrible and, for some reason, it seems to get worse at night. There is something about the sun going down and the silence settling in that makes our depression seem more profound. How exciting is it that daylight savings time is here and the nights are getting shorter!

I have lived with depression for years and have some tips to share with you today that will definitely help you manage your nighttime depression.

For me, there are two separate times of the night that need to be managed: the evening hours before bed and then the time during the night when I wake up. I have tips for both times of the night because they are a little bit different to deal with, I believe.

What to do in the evening, before bed:

#1 – Keep your mind busy.

An important part of how to stop feeling depressed at night is to keep your mind busy during the evening hours.

The thing about nighttime is that we often don ‘ t have enough to do so our brains, instead of being productive, go down the path towards all the things that are wrong in our life which then leads to, and deepens, our depression. It ‘ s important to stop your thoughts from going down that path before they even start.

Things like reading, watching your favorite show on Netflix and talking or texting with a friend are all things that will keep your mind busy during the night and away from all of the negative self-talk.

I would definite encourage you to stay off social media if you are feeling depressed. Sometimes social media makes you feel more connected to the world, but, more often than not, social media can make you feel isolated and less than. So, text away with a friend but spending hours on Snap Chat or Instagram will not serve you well.

#2 – Do things that comfort you.

An important part of managing how to stop feeling depressed at night is to do things that comfort you.

For me, a cup of tea and a hot bath go a long way towards making me feel loved and comforted. I also have a weighted blanket that I curl up under when I watch TV. Something about the weight on your body has been clinically proven to make a big difference with people who are struggling with depression and anxiety.

What are things that would comfort you at night? Take stock of those things now, by the light of day, so you can have them at the ready.

Ice cream and sugar are things many people turn to but I would encourage you to stay away from those things at night because they could interfere with your sleep. If you must have sugar, the earlier in the evening the better.

#3 – Journal.

If you find that you have not been able to stop those negative thoughts in their tracks, a good thing to do if you ‘ re feeling depressed at night is to journal.

There ‘ s something about getting those negative thoughts out of your head and onto paper that makes them easier to manage. Sometimes when we see our thoughts written out on paper they become less powerful because we can see them more clearly.

If you don ‘ t have an official journal, that ‘ s okay. You can just get a notebook and write things down or, if you want to, you can use your computer. I find that using a pen and paper is the most effective for me.

#4 – Know that the morning will come.

An important part of how to stop feeling depressed at night is to keep in mind that, no matter what, the morning and the sunshine will come.

Sometimes, that nighttime depression makes us think that we will never get through the night, that we will never see the light of day. That our depression will overwhelm us and the night will never end.

But night has never not turned to day. And with day, comes work and friends and activities and sunshine. Even if it continues, depression can seem not so heavy during the light of day.

What to do if you wake up in the middle of the night:

#1 – Don ‘ t lay there ruminating.

If you wake up in the middle of the night and find that your depression comes roaring back because all of your negative thoughts wake up with you, a really important thing to do is to not lie there, ruminating.

Instead, pick up your book or a magazine, but not your phone, to distract your mind from those thoughts. They say that reading for 20 minutes if you wake up increases your chances of falling back asleep than if you just lie there working yourself up, thinking about things.

So, keep some reading material next to your bed so if you wake up at night you don ‘ t spend those precious sleep hours in your head.

You ‘ ll be much better able to face the next day if you get enough sleep and that will in turn will help you manage your depression.

#2 – Use a calming app.

There are lots of calming apps out there now that can help ease your anxiety and depression during the nighttime. They use meditation, music, words of affirmation and other means to help your body and mind stay calm at night.

My favorite is Calm but I know there are others. Do some looking and see what works for you.

#3 – Know that the morning will come.

Again, when we are lying awake at night it ‘ s often hard to believe that the long night hours will ever end. But if there ‘ s one thing you can believe, always, it ‘ s that the sun will rise.

So, don ‘ t sink into the darkness of the night. Have hope that tomorrow will come and, with it, another day.

Good for you for getting ahead of your depression and trying to figure out how to stop feeling depressed at night.

Nighttime depression can be completely debilitating but managing it is not impossible.

In the evening hours, make an effort to keep your mind occupied, give yourself comfort, write out your words and have hope for tomorrow. Overnight, again try to keep your mind from sabotaging you and use those apps to help you get back to sleep.

If you are struggling with depression and these tips don ‘ t help, I would definitely encourage you to reach out to your primary care doctor to talk to them about more ways to manage your depression. It ‘ s important to stay on top of it so that it doesn ‘ t get worse.

You can do it!

Are you strugglingwithnight time depression?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before the pain gets to be too much!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

What Kind of Woman Never Gives Up On Her Dreams?

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What kind of woman never gives up on her dreams? That is a question that I get asked all the time.

In my many years as a life coach, I have worked with all sorts of women. They all come to me looking for help through difficult times and some of them have more success than others.

When I look back at those who have made it through those difficult times, I can see 5 personality traits all women who never give up have in common.

So what kind of woman never gives up?

# 1 – She is self-confident.

Without exception, the kind of woman who never gives up is self-confident.

Women who are self-confident know who they are in the world, know what they ‘ re capable of and have life experience that shows them that they can do what they need to do if they try hard enough.

Ironically, many women build self-confidence as they successfully navigate their difficult times. One of my clients was deserted by her husband, leaving her alone and feeling worthless. While she worked hard to get her life back, she developed a steely self-confidence because she knew she was going through hell and back and was prevailing.

Self-confidence is a key part of knowing that you have resilience and that you will be okay.

#2 – She is determined.

Women who never give up on their dreams are determined. Always.

Picture yourself running a marathon. You reach mile 13 and you say to yourselfI will never be able to do this. A woman who has no resilience would pull over to the side of the road and drink the proffered lemonade, happy enough that they have made it as far as they did.

A woman who is resilient would never give up. They would run until the end of that race no matter what kind of pain and suffering they experienced. They would be so determined to finish what they started that they would make it happen.

If you aren ‘ t determined to finish what you start, to reach a goal or to get through a difficult period, you ‘ ll never be able to do it. Before you start on your journey, ask yourself how determined you are. That level of determination will be a measure of your potential for success.

#3 – She is flexible.

A woman who never gives up is a woman who is flexible. A woman who believes that their way is the right way or the only course of action is a woman who will be stymied in their journey to get through difficult times.

I remember when I was getting a divorce I was determined that I would find love again as soon as possible. I joined Match.com and started dating every eligible man I encountered.

Surprise, surprise. I didn ‘ t find love. Instead, I was extremely frustrated at the lack a connection I had with these men. Rather than continuing on my initial course of action, finding love immediately, I decided to turn attention away from finding love towards building my business instead.

To my surprise, building my business did more to get me through those hard times than finding love ever would have.

If I hadn ‘ t been flexible in my perspective, and instead stayed on my original course, I might never have been resilient enough to get through those dark times.

#4 – She is persistently hopeful.

There is something about that woman who is persistently hopeful. They believe that, the matter what, everything is going to turn out fine. Someone who is persistently hopeful is someone who can be sometimes very annoying, especially when we are struggling.

A woman who is persistently hopeful, however, is someone who never gives up. No matter what obstacles are placed in front of them, they believe that everything will be okay. They know, deep in their heart, that they can get through difficult times and out the other side intact.

If you aren ‘ t a persistently hopeful person consider developing this personality trait. If you truly believe that everything will work out in the end then it most likely will.

#5 – She is resourceful.

Resourcefulness is a key part of never giving up.

Women who are resourceful have a plan. Women who are resourceful have resources they can tap into to make things happen. Women who are resourceful know people who can help them on their journey. Women who are resourceful are people who know, no matter what obstacles present themselves, they will figure out a way to get around them.

I always ask my clients what kind of tools they already having their toolbox to help them deal with difficult times. Who can support them? What kind of books can they read? What kind of experiences have they had in the past that they can draw from that might be helpful in the situation?

When you are going through difficult times, and you need resilience more than anything, look around at the resources you have available to you to help you move forward and be successful.

In my experience, women who never give up share common personality traits.

They have self-confidence, determination, flexibility, persistent hopefulness and resourcefulness. They use those personality traits every day to get them through difficult times

Fortunately, all of these personality traits are ones that you can develop with consciousness and action. When you are going through dark times, dig deep and find your self-confidence. Set out to be determined always and be flexible when necessary. Always keep an eye out for that person or thing who can help you on your journey and know that it ‘ s all going to be okay.

Be the kind of woman who never gives up on their dreams and, really, everything will be okay!

I promise.

Are you strugglingwithnever giving up, no matter what?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before giving up feels like the only option!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

Why Are Boundaries Important In Marriage?

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Are you newly married and are you wondering why are boundaries important in marriage?

Do you have no idea what marriage boundaries are or where to start?

Fortunately, I have helped many couples establish and stick to boundaries in their marriage. Let me help you!

To understand healthymarriage boundaries look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds your life together. They hold your food and your bed and your possessions and it ‘ s where you live your life.

Healthy marriage boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your marriage as it matures. To have a healthy relationship, one that can grow and be fruitful, it is important that it has structures, boundaries, that support it.

Healthy marriage boundaries come in many shapes, sizes and colors. Really, it ‘ s important for each couple to decide what works for them. But there are a few boundaries that are essential for every healthy marriage.

#1 – Be yourself always.

For many people, when they are married, they become less of themselves.

Many people, men and women take on their spouse ‘ s friendships, their hobbies and their ways of doing things.

It is VERY important that all peoplestay themselveswhen in a relationship.

Why? Because every healthy relationship is based on truth and if you are anything other than your true self your marriage will never be really healthy.

It is also important that you continue to respect yourself and you will respect yourself by being yourself. By continuing to have your friends, to do your own hobbies, to have a career that you love and a healthy lifestyle that serves you, you will wake up every day feeling good about yourself.

And when you feel good about yourself your partner will love you even more because he knows you are being your true self, someone who is ambitious and smart and willing to take risks to get what she wants.

So be yourself in your relationship. Ahealthy marriagerequires it.

#2 – Let go of rigidity and be flexible.

I have a client whose new husband moved into a house that she already owned. Right away they had issues because it was her house and she wanted to do things her way and that just wasn ‘ t okay with him.

It is important that everyone be flexible in a relationship. Just like you would at work or with your family, it is important to work with your partner so that you can both live a life that is authentic to you.

You know the phrase ‘ My way or the highway? ‘ That phrase has no place in any healthy marriage.

So, embrace flexibility. Choose the things that are important to you and stay true to them but be willing to see what might be important to your man and work with him so that you both can live a life that makes you happy. Together and apart.

#3 – Maintain mutual respect.

One of the biggest romance killers in a marriage is lack of respect and contempt.

The saying ‘ ˜familiarity breeds contempt ‘ is an accurate one and something that happens in many marriages over the years.

It is important in every relationship that you each respect each other. Respect each other within the confines of your relationship by speaking to each other honestly, sharing your feelings and needs in an open way. By not attacking each other personally and criticizing each other ‘ s behaviors and actions.

Furthermore, it ‘ s important to not criticize your partner out in the world. The general rule of thumb is that you not tell something about your partner to anyone that you haven ‘ t already shared with your partner.

When I was married, I talked to my friends WAY more about the problems in my marriage than I did to my husband. This didn ‘ t do our relationship any good because we weren ‘ tcommunicatingand giving our relationship a chance to improve. And when we were together I treated my husband with contempt because I no longer respected him.

I am no longer married.

So, make sure you treat each other with respect, both inside and outside the relationship.

#4 – Keep the power dynamic even.

In many marriages it happens that at some point one person becomes the one calling the shots. And while this seems to work on one level, ultimately the relationship will become uneven. And when power dynamics are unequal, a marriage can change.

Make an effort to keep the decision making even in your marriage. If you are good at organizing your social life then do that but give him opportunity to choose events. If he is good at managing the finances let him do that but continue to have input into where the money goes and why.

Letting your marriage ‘ s playing field become uneven allows it to slip into a sort of parent/child dynamic, where one person is in charge and the other does as they are told. Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you?

Not so much.

#5 – Know that time apart is okay.

When they are falling in love, couples want to spend every available minute together. The feelings that accompany falling in love are addictive and hard to walk away from even for a short while.

It is important, however, that you spend time apart from the one you love.

You know the old saying ‘ ˜absence makes the heart grow fonder? ‘ It ‘ s true!

Think about how you feel when you go on a diet. How you can ‘ t eat ice cream for a month while you lose those 5 pounds and, man, do you miss your ice cream. It ‘ s the same thing in a relationship. Stepping away from your partner, even for a bit, makes you both notice the void that is created in his or her absence.

And then the heart grows fonder.

So, spend some time apart. Miss each other. Value each other. Keep that spark alive.

Wondering why are boundaries important in marriage is an excellent way to ensure that you have a good strong relationship that will last forever.

Marriages are built from two people who have two separate lives and two separate ways of living. It is important that the couple build a new life together. A new life with four walls that will keep it safe and strong.

So, don ‘ t let one of you be in charge, respect each other, like yourself, spend time apart and be flexible.

Talk to your partner and build your house from a place of love and beauty and self-confidence, one that will be strong enough to stand the test of time and allow your marriage to be a healthy one.

You can do it!

Are you struggling with setting boundaries in your marriage?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before problems start!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

How To Know If Surviving Infidelity Without Counseling Is Possible For You

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Have you discovered that your partner has been cheating? Do you hope nonetheless for a reconciliation? Are you wondering if surviving infidelity without counseling is possible?

The betrayal of a loved one can be devastating but it doesn ‘ t have to be the end of a relationship or the death of your happy life. There are ways to deal with it and survive it without counseling but it will take a lot of presence of mind, life skills and determination.

Let me walk you through how surviving infidelity without counseling is possible.

#1 – Is the other person completely out of the picture.

A very important piece of surviving infidelity and keeping your relationship intact is whether or not the other person is completely out of the picture.

Working on a marriage when the other person is still around is literally impossible. Your partner and their lover are connected in a deep way. If you have been told that they are ‘ ˜now just friends ‘ or they don ‘ t ‘ ˜see ‘ each other anymore but still talk, then that person is NOT out of the picture.

If the other person isn ‘ t out of the picture you and your partner will fail in any attempts to regain loving feelings about each other because you will always be suspicious and feel less loved and your partner will stay emotionally connected to the person who was their lover.

So, the first step in all of this is ensuring the other person is gone. Only once that is the case can you proceed to the next steps.

#2 – Do you genuinely want it to work?

Your partner has done the unimaginable – they have fooled around on you. They have betrayed the commitment you have made to each other. They have broken your heart.

So, let me ask you this – do you still want to be in a relationship with this person?

This is a key part of surviving infidelity without counseling. If you aren ‘ t determined to make this work, if every fiber of your being knows that, if possible, you would like to get your relationship back, then any efforts to save it will be futile.

Being determined doesn ‘ t guarantee success but, without out it, you are doomed to failure.

#3 – Can you still communicate with each other?

If you and you partner are still able to communicate with each other then surviving infidelity without counseling is definitely possible.

Communication is the most important tool for fixing what is broken. You will need to communicate how you are feeling and your partner will need to communicate how they got to the place where infidelity was even an option.

You will need to work together to identify issues in your relationship and make a concrete plan to work on those issues together.You will need to understand each other ‘ s wants and needs and be committed to making change.

The only way to do that effectively is by being able to communicate clearly with each other – to speak and listen and make sure each other are heard and understood.

#4 – Can you let go of the anger?

Your partner has fooled around on you and of course you are ANGRY. Who wouldn ‘ t be? But can you let go of it and move on?

If you are holding onto anger, anger at yourself for your naiveté, anger at your partner for their wandering hands, then working on surviving infidelity without counseling will be impossible. Your anger will interfere with your communication, your anger will interfere with wanting to make things work, your anger will cloud your emotions so that you can ‘ t think clearly.

If you are still angry with your partner, and the situation, take some time to work through that anger and let it go. Once you have been able to let it go then you will be able to start working with your partner to get through the mess.

I know letting go of anger is easier said than done but it is possible!

#5 – Can you forgive?

This final piece is really important – can you forgive your partner?

Forgiveness is a key part of surviving infidelity. Again, you have been betrayed. Do you have the ability to accept and understand the where and why it happened and not hold it over your partner’s head going forward?

It is possible to forgive even if it ‘ s not possible to forget. It might take some time to get there but if you can do so then you have a real chance at saving your relationship and living the rest of your lives together happily.

So, take some time. Do some reading about forgiveness, what it means and how to get there. See if you can forgive your partner and move on.

Surviving infidelity without counseling might seem impossible. But it isn ‘ t.

Every day, many couples come back from the betrayal of infidelity and live happy lives together.

If the other person is out of the picture, if you can still communicate, if you have determination, if you aren ‘ t stuck in anger and can forgive, then you have a good chance of being able to get past this and move on.

Of course, if you try to work on your relationship without counseling and fail, it is still possible to take that next step and get some professional help to get you through it. Therapists and life coaches are trained in helping people move past difficult situations and sometimes expert help is just what you need to take that next step.

Good luck with this next period in your life. You can do it!!

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really be struggling with surviving infidelity.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before you lose your relationship.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

21 ‘How To Let Go Of Love’ Quotes That Will Help You Move On

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Sharing how to let go of love quotes is one of my favorite things to do as a relationship coach.

I have written countless articles about how to know when to let go of love, how to do it and what to do next. I counsel women every day and support them through this tumultuous time.

Today, I was going to write another article but instead decided to share the wisdom of others.I truly believe that sharing in the experience of others with a broken heart is one of the best ways for us to heal.

Every day thousands of people, like you, have their hearts broken. And, every day, broken hearts are healed and life goes on. Hearing the words of others, and listening to their stories, can help you let go of love and move forward in life.

So, let’s begin.

Every time I think about you, I have to remind myself that if you wanted to talk to me, you would. – Anon

Letting go doesn ‘ t mean that you don ‘ t care about someone anymore. It ‘ s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.Deborah Reber

Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.Steve Maraboli

Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.Roy T. Bennett

Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake and help us see we are worth so much more than we ‘ re settling for.Mandy Hale

Today expect something good to happen to you no matter what occurred yesterday. Realize the past no longer holds you captive. It can only continue to hurt you if you hold on to it. Let the past go. A simply abundant world awaits.Sarah Ban Breathnach

The truth was, he now belonged only to my past, and it was time I begin to accept it, as much as it hurt to do so.Tammara Webber

I loved with every inch of my being, but I realized one day if loving him meant losing me then loving him was not enough any anymore. Nikki Rowe

The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving.Elizabeth Gilbert

Holding on is believing that there ‘ s a past; letting go is knowing that there ‘ s a future. Daphne Rose Kingma

I think that you never fall out of love with somebody; you just let go and move on. Ashley Rickards

The most difficult aspect of moving on is accepting that the other person already did. Faraaz Kazi

You don’t need strength to let go of something. What you really need is understanding.Guy Finley

Letting go does not mean you stop caring. It means you stop trying to force others to.Mandy Hale

It’s not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential.Bruce Lee

Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose. Lyndon B. Johnson

If you ‘ re going through hell, keep going.Winston Churchill

Sometimes the hardest part isn ‘ t letting go but rather learning to start over. Nicole Sobon

Sometimes you have to take a step back to move forward.Erika Taylor

It hurts to let go, but sometimes it hurts more to hold on. Anon

Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it. Justin Timberlake

Learning how to let go of love is something that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy because the pain is truly like none other.

How to let go of love quotes can really help when you need it most.

Remember, in the words of Coco Ginger -‘When we are in love, we are convinced nobody else will do. But as time goes, others do do, and often do do, much much better.’

If you are letting go of love, know that this is not your last love but that letting go of this one opens the door for a new, better, love to come in.

I promise.

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really be struggling with how to let go of love.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before you get even more stuck.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

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