How I Use CBT When I Am Feeling Depressed

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My life changed when I started using CBT when I am feeling depressed.

Until I discovered Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), my depression always controlled me but once I started applying CBT principles to my life when I was depressed I was able to control it.

Psychology Today defines CBT as a type of psychotherapy in which patients reframe negative thinking patterns into positive thoughts.

Before starting CBT, I had only used talk therapy as a means to try to deal with my depression, to little success. CBT worked and worked almost immediately.

Let me tell you how CBT works for me.

#1 – I define the source of my negativity.

For me, some days I just wake up depressed. Nothing specific has happened, my chemicals are just off. I use principles 4 and 5 below, positive self-talk and personal coping skills, to help me during those time. I remind myself that I am not a horrible person or a loser but that the depression is making me feel that way. And, while the Pad Thai might not cure my depression, it certainly makes me feel better for a while.

Some days, my depression is the result of something that is happening around me. And when that happens, I use CBT to help me manage it.

As an example, my ex-husband has a habit of not responding to my emails and texts. This drives me bonkers! I only reach out to him when absolutely necessary and that he doesn ‘ t respond to me in a timely manner can bring me way down.

For many years, not hearing back from my ex would plunge me into a dark depression, one that was hard to pull out of.

#2 – I become aware of what the negativity brings up.

For many years, when my ex wouldn ‘ t respond to my communications, I took it personally. I felt like, because he wasn ‘ t communicating, he had no respect for me. He, who was my husband for 20 years, no longer thought enough of me to respond to my missives in a respectful, timely way.

I would obsess about the absence of the response. I would check my phone constantly, hoping that he had gotten back to me. I would compose long, scathing emails, ripping him apart for being so insensitive and disrespectful.

Because I was angry at him, other things, things that normally wouldn ‘ t bother me, would start getting to me. I would be unable to work or be otherwise productive. I would take to my bed, feeling shitty about myself.

The combination of these things, like an eddy in a roaring river, would pull me down into a deep dark depression, one that was hard to crawl out of.

Once I started using CBT, I was able to identify the emotions and thoughts that occurred when I my ex didn ‘ t communicate. I recognized that I was taking it personally, that I was hurt and that I felt disrespected. That I was no longer important enough to the father of my children to merit his attention.

I am a big believer that with awareness comes the ability to manage. CBT supports that belief of mine in a big way.

#3 – I reframe my negative thought patterns.

Once I became aware of what thoughts and emotions had developed because my ex wasn ‘ t communicating with me, I started making an effort to reframe them. To think of them in a way that didn ‘ t cause me pain.

The first thing I did was to recognize that my ex had never been great at getting back to me in a timely manner. He has always been very busy at work and he struggled to manage things as well as he could. As a result, he wouldn ‘ t get back to me, even when we were married, so why would he change his behavior now that we were divorced.

Understanding this led me to realize that taking his lack of communication personally was ridiculous. He wasn ‘ t getting back to me because of a lack of respect but purely because he was busy. I also recognized that many of the times that he didn ‘ t get back to me had to do with money and money conversations are hard even for those who live in the same house.

By not taking his behaviors personally, by being able to look at them realistically instead of emotionally, I was able to reduce their power. I was able to shut them down before they brought me down into depression.

#4 – I practice positive self-talk.

Another part of managing my depression around my ex with CBT was by using positive self- talk.

I would remind myself how good I was at juggling multiple balls at once, something my ex really struggled with. I would remember that while my ex-husband, who walked out on me for someone else, might no longer respect me, I respected myself and knew that I had the respect of many other people. I reminded myself that I made a difference in the life of many people every day. I was an awesome person, whether my ex got back to me or not.

It is truly amazing how telling myself positive things about myself instead of ruminating about all the negative things that I, inaccurately, had associated with my ex ‘ s absence of communication helped keep me from sinking into depression.

I was able to move past what happened fairly quickly and get on with my day. How great is that?

#5 – I develop personal coping mechanisms.

The final part of using CBT when I was feeling depressed was to create and practice personal coping mechanisms.

A few years back, when I was feeling really good, I made a list of things that I knew helped me when depression was settling in. Now, when I feel it coming, I refer to that list to help shut the depression down or carry me through it.

What kind of coping skills? Walking, eating pad thai, having sex, hanging out with friends, watching The Walking Dead, hanging with my kids.

All of these things are coping mechanisms, practical things that I can do for myself, to help me feel better when I am struggling in the world. They have made a huge difference for me, helping me get through the bad days.

Using CBT when I am feeling depressed has saved my life.

I also use CBT in many other areas of my life.

I use it when emotions with my siblings get high. I remember that each of us carry with us baggage from our childhood that rears it ‘ s ugly head when we are together, that we all have our issues, both individually and with each other, that I can ‘ t take their behaviors personally and that we will all love each other forever, in spite of what might be occurring.

If someone is rude to me in line at Starbucks I understand that that probably says more about what is happening with that person, like they just had a fight with their wife or are running late to work because of bad traffic, then it does about me. Not taking that rudeness personally but recognizing that it has nothing to do with me, allows me to let it go quickly and not let it bring me down.

Talk to your therapist about bringing the principles of CBT into your life. You will be glad you did!

Are you struggling with depression and in search of tools to help you manage it?
Let me help you learn those tools, NOW, before your depression gets the best of you.
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What Are Healthy Boundaries In Marriage?

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Are you wondering what are healthy boundaries in marriage or in your relationship?

Are you eager to do so but have no idea what healthy relationship boundaries are??

Let me help!

To understand healthy relationship boundaries, look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds your life together. They hold your food and your bed and your possessions and it ‘ s where you live your life.

Healthy relationship boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your relationship as it grows. To have a healthy relationship, one that can grow and be fruitful, it is important that it has structures, boundaries, that support it.

Healthy relationship boundaries come in many shapes, sizes and colors. Really, it ‘ s important for each couple to decide what works for them. But there are a few boundaries that are essential for every healthy relationship.

#1 – Don ‘ t let one person be in charge.

In many relationships it happens that at some point one person becomes the one calling the shots. And while this seems to work on one level, ultimately the relationship will become uneven. And when things are uneven a relationship changes.

So, make an effort to keep the decision making even in the relationship. If you are good at organizing your social life then do that but give him opportunity to choose events. If he is good at managing the finances let him do that but continue to have input into where the money goes and why.

Letting your relationship become uneven allows it to slip into a sort of parent/child dynamic, where one person is in charge and the other does as they are told. Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you?

Not so much.

#2 – Respect each other.

One of the biggest romance killers in a relationship is lack of respect and contempt.

The saying ‘ ˜familiarity breeds contempt ‘ is an accurate one and something that happens in many committed relationships.

It is important in every relationship that you each respect each other. Respect each other within the confines of your relationship by speaking to each other honestly, sharing your feelings and needs in an open way. By not attacking each other personally and criticizing each other ‘ s behaviors and actions.

Furthermore, it ‘ s important to not criticize your partner out in the world. The general rule of thumb is that you not tell something about your partner to anyone that you haven ‘ t already shared with your partner.

When I was married, I talked to my friends WAY more about the problems in my marriage than I did to my husband. This didn ‘ t do our relationship any good because we weren ‘ tcommunicatingand giving our relationship a chance to improve. And when we were together I treated my husband with contempt because I no longer respected him.

I am no longer married.

So make sure you treat each other with respect, both inside and outside the relationship.

#3 – Don ‘ t lose yourselves.

So many women, when they are in a relationship, become less of themselves.

Many women take on their partner ‘ s friendships, their hobbies and their ways of doing things.

It is VERY important that all womenstay themselveswhen in a relationship.

Why? Because every healthy relationship is based on truth and if you are anything other than your true self your relationship will never be really healthy.

It is also important that you continue to respect yourself and you will respect yourself by being yourself. By continuing to have your friends, to do your own hobbies, to have a career that you love and a healthy lifestyle that serves you, you will wake up every day feeling good about yourself.

And when you feel good about yourself your partner will love you even more because he knows you are being your true self, someone who is ambitious and smart and willing to take risks to get what she wants.

So be yourself in your relationship. Ahealthy relationshiprequires it.

#4 – Spend time apart.

When they are falling in love, couples want to spend every available minute together. The feelings that accompany falling in love are addictive and hard to walk away from even for a short while.

It is important, however, that you spend time apart from the one you love.

You know the old saying ‘ ˜absence makes the heart grow fonder? ‘ It ‘ s true!

Think about how you feel when you go on a diet. How you can ‘ t eat ice cream for a month while you lose those 5 pounds and, man, do you miss your ice cream. It ‘ s the same thing in a relationship. Stepping away from your partner, even for a bit, makes you both notice the void that is created in his or her absence.

And then the heart grows fonder.

So, spend some time apart. Miss each other. Value each other. Keep that spark alive.

#5 – Be flexible.

I have a client who recently bought a house for herself and her boyfriend moved in with her. Right away they had issues because it was her house and she wanted to do things her way and that just wasn ‘ t okay with him.

It is important that everyone be flexible in a relationship. Just like you would at work or with your family, it is important to work with your partner so that you can both live a life that is authentic to you.

You know the phrase ‘ My way or the highway? ‘ That phrase has no place in any healthy relationship.

So, embrace flexibility. Choose the things that are important to you and stay true to them but be willing to see what might be important to your man and work with him so that you both can live a life that makes you happy. Together and apart.

Examining what are healthy boundaries in marriage is an excellent way to ensure that you have a good strong relationship that will last forever.

Relationships are built from two people who have two separate lives and two separate ways of living. It is important that the couple build a new life together. A new life with four walls that will keep it safe and strong.

So, don ‘ t let one of you be in charge, respect each other, like yourself, spend time apart and be flexible.

Talk to your partner and build your house from a place of love and beauty and self-confidence, one that will be strong enough to stand the test of time and allow your relationship to be a healthy one.

You can do it!

Don’t let a lack of boundaries get in the way of being happily married.
Let me help you define some NOW, before it’s too late.
Email me at [email protected], or click here, and let’s get started!

How to Tell if Your Guy is Emotionally Unavailable So You Can Let Him Go & Find True Love

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I don ‘ t know about you but my propensity to pick emotionally unavailable guys is about 95% percent. If I hadn ‘ t met my current guy it would be 100%.

Why are we attracted to guys you are emotionally unavailable when all we want, more than anything, is to be loved?

That ‘ s a topic for another blog so for today let ‘ s look at how we can identify if a guy is emotionally unavailable.

#1 – He lacks self-confidence.

Years ago, I had a boyfriend who really, really struggled with his self-confidence. He had been abused as a child, struggled with holding a job, had a terrible temper that got him into trouble and had a failed marriage. His confidence had never been high but the past decade had worn him down.

When we first got together he was emotionally available in a big way. He couldn ‘ t believe that someone like me could love him and he relished it. He showered me with words of love and tons of affection. I had never felt so loved.

As our relationship progressed, however, his emotional availability gradually became less and less. He still held on to me like a life preserver, like I was a physical manifestation of all that he could be, but he just stopped being able to give me what I needed to feel loved. He couldn ‘ t love me but he refused to let me go.

Since we broke up, I came to learn that this man most likely didn ‘ t believe that he deserved to be loved by me and so he wouldn ‘ t even try. Perhaps also he believed that, because he failed at everything, our relationship would fail so he sabotaged it.

I saw such potential in him so breaking up with this broken man was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. Doing so was important however. His emotionally unavailable was making me really question my own self-worth in the world. And that was not okay.

#2 – He drinks too much.

When I first met my soon to be husband there were two things that struck me about him. That he could drink A LOT, as much as me, and that he was wonderfully physically affectionate. Both of those traits were things that I was looking for in a man.

As the years went on, and I stopped drinking, a few things emerged that were very unsettling. The first was that when it came time to address feelings my husband just couldn ‘ t cope. The first sign of a discussion about emotions and he would head to the fridge for a beer. Trying to talk to him about how I was feeling was impossible. As a result, I felt lonely in the marriage and we grew further and further apart.

The other thing that emerged was that my husband used physical affection to try to communicate his emotions. He was always touching me but his touch made my skin crawl. Looking back on it I realize it was because he was so out of touch with his emotions that his physical touch felt false.

His way of trying to express emotion when he really was emotionally unavailable was one of the things that ultimately destroyed our marriage.

#3 – He is narcissistic.

The definition of a narcissist is ‘ ˜someone with an excessive preoccupation with or admiration for oneself. ‘

Someone who is narcissistic is so preoccupied with him or herself that any kind of consideration or emotional availability is simply impossible.

Everything that happens in their life or their world is reflected back on themselves. If they are angry, they scream. If they are sad, they lash out. Because they are so self-obsessed they don ‘ t feel the need to connect with their emotions. They are just fine, they believe.

Furthermore, to look at the emotions of another and feel something for them just doesn ‘ t happen. Instead, they take note of how the other person ‘ s emotions might be affecting them and that ‘ s all they care about.

So, if the man you love is preoccupied with himself to the exclusion of others then he is a narcissist and will never have the emotional availability that you desire.

#4 – He works ALL the time.

We all know that person – the person who works 24/7, obsessively, who never has time for anything else, who is obsessed with their own personal success and doesn ‘ t understand the need to turn away from their work towards another person.

Many people who are workaholics are like alcoholics in that they use their work to self-medicate whatever feelings they might be feeling. To feel feelings, or to understand the feelings of others, is just too painful to do and so they pour their energy elsewhere.

Another problem with workaholics is that they are also never present. Their physical bodies are always out of the house and when they are home they are usually preoccupied with work. Someone who isn ‘ t present with you is never going to be emotionally available.

You can try, repeatedly, to get through to them but most likely without success. And that will leave you feeling lonely and ignored.

#5 – He has an unhealthy relationship with his mom.

I have been dating for 6 years now and if there is one thing that I have noticed out in the world of dating is that men who don ‘ t have good relationships with their mothers are entirely emotionally unavailable.

The motherly bound is the earliest and the most profound bond in the human experience. Boys who don ‘ t have that bond with their mother had stinted emotional development. They didn ‘ t learn the inherently female traits of empathy, affection, trust and communication. Not learning those things sets them up for a life time of not knowing how to love and be loved in return.

In contrast, the man I am currently dating has an amazing connection with his mother. He visits her twice a week and watching them together is amazing. The love and respect that he has for her and what she has done in the world is written all over his face. The pride and admiration she takes in who her son has become in the world is palpable. The very bedrock of my man ‘ s emotional availability was created by a woman who loved him unconditionally and who taught him what he needed to do and be to truly express and receive love.

How lucky am I to have found him?

The importance of having a man be emotionally available in a successful relationship cannot be understated.

If your man shows any signs of the traits listed above tread carefully. A man who lacks self-confidence, who is addicted to work or booze, who is self-obsessed and has issues with his mother is a man who is, and most likely always will be, emotionally unavailable.

If you want to have a healthy, happy relationship, a guy who is emotionally unavailable is not the guy for you.

So, let him go, move on and find the guy who makes your heart sing. Like I did ‘ ¦.

If you have made it this far you must realize your guy is emotionally unavailable.
Let me help you, NOW, find your way out of the mess and find love before it’s too late!
Email me at [email protected], or click here, and let’s get started!

How To Let Go Of Toxic Love And Start Loving Yourself

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Are you wondering how to let go of toxic love? Does the prospect of doing so seem simply impossible?

If falling in love is the most wonderful feeling in the world,letting go of love is the most horrible feeling in the world.

There is nothing worse than the physical pain of losing a love – the pit in your stomach, the broken heart, the feelings of despair and hopelessness.

Learning how to let go of toxic love is not easy but it is possible. Just follow these steps and before you know it you will be able to let go of a love that is holding you back and start loving yourself again.

#1 – Ask yourself if you are ready to really do this.

Before you begin any life changing process you must ask yourself how determined you are to actually do it. On a scale of 1-10 how close to a 10 are you? Because withoutsteadfast determination you will not be able to accomplish something as challenging as getting past a lost love.

So, are you ready to do this? Is there any part of you that is holding on to the possibility that things could work out? Do you feel like you aren ‘ t strong enough to do this yet?

If the answer to any of these questions is ayes, then perhaps you should wait a bit longer before you begin this process. Time is a great healer and with some time you will get stronger and be ready to take on this challenging task.

Either way, ask yourself some tough questions about this relationship and make a conscious decision to stay or go. Doing so, making a purposeful move, will help you start respecting and loving yourself again which is a key part of letting go toxic love.

#2 – Block him everywhere.

I know that we all think that we need ‘ closure ‘ at the end of a relationship, that final conversation where everyone gets to say what they want to say and you understand each other and walk away as friends.

I am here to tell you that closure is a myth. What closure really is is one last chance to spend time with and talk to that person you still love. Because really, if you could have a conversation and finally understand each other why couldn ‘ t you make it work as a couple?

So, when you have decided that the relationship is over cut him off. Block him on your phone, disconnect on social media, stay away from places where you know he will be.

Why? Because what you need to do is break the addiction you have to this person, to change your habits.

Think about Oreo cookies. You know how hard it is to eat just one? It ‘ s the same with your man. Even one point of contact can draw you back into his circle, the circle that you have decided that you are determined to break yourself out of.

So, gono contact right away. It will make the process way easier!

As a side benefit, not spending your time and energy stalking him on Facebook but doing something that makes you feel good is exactly what you need to do to start loving yourself again.

#3- Define what you need to let go of.

This is very important. What is it that you need to let go of to move on?

I have a client who was ready to let go of a man who she loved very much but who she knew wasn ‘ t the man for her and she was struggling with it because of the love she still felt.

I asked her to look at it like an onion, an onion where feelings are layers that must be removed to get to the core. What was the top layer?

For my client it was anger. She was angry at her man for the way he had treated her and angry with herself for wasting so much time letting him do so. That was her first layer. She had to deal with the anger.

The second layer was the hopes and dreams. The hopes and dreams that she had had for their life together. It had all seemed so promising at the beginning and she was still struggling to believe that it couldn ‘ t go back to what it was. But she knew it couldn ‘ t and she knew that she would have to let go of those hopes and dreams in order to move on.

The third layer, the core actually, was the love that she still had for this man. And this love, we decided, wasn ‘ t actually something that she wanted to let go of. She knew that they didn ‘ t have a future together but their past, their experiences together, how she felt about him, was something that she wanted to hold on to. Not in a hopeful way but as something from her past that was special to her.

By examining each layer of the onion my client was able to peel back and discard one layer of emotion at a time which left her with the one piece that she wanted to hold on to, one that wouldn ‘ t hold her back from moving on but that she would carry with her in her heart going forward.

#4 – Question what is true and what is not.

This is such an important piece of letting go.

We all have ideas in our head about truths in our relationships but, unfortunately, often these truths are not so much – they are just hopes and dreams that we have made up over the course of the relationship.

I have a client who had hopes and dreams of a life that she wanted with her boyfriend that had absolutely no basis in reality. She wanted to move to the woods, raise sheep, have kids and grow old together. She had this idea firmly stuck in her head that this was what she wanted and if her boyfriend loved her enough he would embrace her dream too.

What she didn ‘ t realize was that although this dream of hers was wonderful there was NO WAY she was going to have it with her boyfriend. He loved the city, hated livestock and didn ‘ t want kids for at least another decade.

I asked her to consider these things that she knew to be true, what he didn ‘ t want, and stack them up next to what she did want, her hopes and dreams. When she did she finally saw that the truth of the situation was different from what she had been telling herself in her head.

Armed with that knowledge she was one step closer to letting him go.

#5 – Figure out what you REALLY want in relationship.

The final part of letting go is getting to know what exactly it is that you want from someone in a relationship. Without knowing what you want you are going to have a hard time getting it.

So, make a list. Make a list of what youwant from a man in relationship with you. It doesn ‘ t have to be long but make it comprehensive.

My list, in part: someone who makes me laugh, who knows who he is and what he wants, who loves my kids and who wants to make me a priority in his life.

So, make your list and run through it with your current guy in mind. Chances are, if you are reading this article, that he won ‘ t match up with many of the things on that list and you will finally understand because you will see it there clearly, in black and white.

And your emotions just can ‘ t argue with black and white. He is not what you want. Time to move on.

Right now, take a moment and picture the guy who has all the traits that you want in a man, sitting right next to you. How good would that feel, to be loved by someone who was the right person for you. And what a great way to get back to loving yourself.

Letting go of something that once seemed so promising is very difficult and will take some steadfast determination on your part but you can do it.

Learning how to let go of toxic love can seem difficult but if you can master it your life will only get better.

So, cut off contact, peel back the onion, question your assumptions and define what you want. Before you know it, you will have clarity that you are making the right decision and will be able to let go.

And that means: Step #6 – Get yourself back out there.

I know that right now you feel like you might never love again but putting yourself back out there doesn ‘ t mean you have to fall in love. Putting yourself back out there means that you get to dress up and flirt anddate and have a lot of fun. And maybe, just maybe, you will find another love but in the meantime you can enjoy yourself and the freedom you have as a single girl. Embrace it!

Is holding onto toxic love keeping you from finding your true love?
Let me help, NOW, before too much time goes by!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

When You’ve Been Betrayed: 5 Tips for Surviving Emotional Infidelity

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Have you just discovered that your partner is in love with someone else and are you thinking that surviving emotional infidelity is going to be impossible?

Does some part of you wish that your partner was just having sex with someone else, not having feelings that he once had for you. Do you lie awake at night picturing him sharing intimacies with her, wondering what you are missing.

Do you feel like you are going CRAZY??

Surviving emotional infidelity can be difficult but it is possible. Here are 5 tips for doing so.

#1 – Don ‘ t take it personally.

I am sure that, since you discovered your partner ‘ s emotional infidelity, you have spent a ton of time obsessing about what you could have done differently. If you had just had more sex with him or watched him play softball or listened to him when he talked about work, then maybe he wouldn ‘ t have had to go out and find someone else.

Let me tell you that most emotional affairs are not something that someone goes looking for. They are something that just kind of happens.

A client of mine had been friends with a man for years – just friends – and then one day they ran into each other at the supermarket. Both were depressed and for some reason they confided in each other in a way that they hadn ‘ t confided in their spouses. After that, they continued to share and support each other through their depressive times and before they knew what was happening they found themselves in love with each other.

Of course, emotional affairs don ‘ t happen in a void. There is often some degree of distancing between partners that opens up a space for someone else to enter. But your partner ‘ s affair is NOT YOUR FAULT. It most likely would have happened whether you listened to him complain about work or not.

#2 – Don ‘ t suffer in silence.

For many people, once they find out their partner is having an emotional affair, they clam up.

Instead of addressing the issue with their partner, they retreat into themselves, obsessing about the affair, wondering whether it ‘ s still happening, wondering what ‘ s next for their relationship.

They wait, in silence, hoping it will all pass and go back to the way it used to be.

What they don ‘ t do is talk with their partner about it directly. They don ‘ t talk about why it happened, if it will continue, what needs to be done about the situation or how they each feel about what is going on.

It is important that, if your goal is surviving emotional infidelity, you talk with your partner about what is happening. You can do so alone or with a therapist, if you need help with the conversation. But you need to do it. Soon.

#3 – Get some help processing.

Another thing that you must do, once learning about an emotional affair, is get help processing it.

While friends are a great source of support, they are definitively on your side and might not give you the best advice.

It is important that you seek out the help of a life coach or a therapist to help you through these difficult times. You will be struggling with guilt, shame, anger, sadness, fear and many other emotions and if you don ‘ t deal with them they could fester for a long time and getting past all this will be more difficult for you.

So, reach out for some professional help RIGHT NOW!

#4 – Take care of yourself.

When we are going through emotionally rough times there are two directions we tend to take: we either fall onto the couch with ice cream, binging Netflix, or we push ourselves really hard to get things done. Either one is meant to numb the pain that we are feeling.

I would encourage you to not partake in either extreme but to settle somewhere in the middle – to take care of yourself.

Make sure you get enough sleep every night and if you can ‘ t sleep find something that will help you do so. Melatonin works for me or you could ask your doctor to give you something a little bit stronger. Without enough sleep you will find dealing with what you are dealing with more difficult.

Try to eat balanced meals regularly and indulge in only a reasonable amount of ice cream.

Lastly, make sure you get your heart rate up every day. Take a walk or dance around your apartment. Getting your heart rate up is an excellent way to deal with the stress you are under and the dopamine that your body will generate from the exercise will help smooth out your emotions.

If you take care of yourself instead of sinking into the couch you will find surviving emotional infidelity significantly easier.

#5 – Decide next steps.

As you process your partners emotional infidelity it is important that you start thinking about next steps.

This is not something that you need to do right away. It is important that you work through your feelings about what has happened first. But, when you are ready, it is important that you consider what you want the rest of your life to look like.

Do you see yourself staying with your partner, working through what happened and moving forward? Or do you think it ‘ s time to cut bait and move on with your life so that you can find the happiness you want and deserve?

I have a client who discovered her husband ‘ s emotional infidelity 3 years ago. In spite of his repeated promises that he would end it, her husband continued to have a non-sexual but intimate relationship with this woman. My client suspected it was happening and fought constantly about it with her husband but she continued to live with him.

She became obsessed about the relationship. It interfered with her every day peace of mind, her work and the joy she should have felt at her daughter’s wedding. To this day she is still with him and her life is on hold. Her self-esteem is low and her future unsure.

Don ‘ t let yourself get to this point. Make a decision about what you want your life to look like and make it happen. Life is short. Don ‘ t waste it!

Surviving emotional infidelity probably feels impossible and unlikely to you right now. But, I can promise you that you can and you will survive.

Think about all of the things that have happened in your life that you thought you wouldn ‘ t survive. Did you survive them? Did you learn from them? Are you glad that you went through some of them because they changed the direction of your life?

This emotional infidelity can be the same. It ‘ s another blip in the story that is your life. And you can survive it!

Try not to take it personally, talk to your partner about it, get help from outside sources, take care of yourself and look to the future. All of these things will help you get through this next period of your life intact.

Get started NOW! You can do it!

Have you been betrayed and are struggling to survive?
Let me help, NOW, before the struggle overwhelms you!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

The 8 Best Things To Do When You’re Feeling Overwhelmed And Depressed

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You know those days when you ‘ re feeling overwhelmed and depressed?

Those days when everyone and everything is demanding so much from you that you really don ‘ t think that you can take it anymore. Those days where it feels like you just want to crawl into bed and never get out.

Are you having one of those days today?

Let me help you manage the overwhelm and the depression. It IS POSSIBLE. It just takes some awareness and action.

#1 – Take deep breaths.

When we are overwhelmed and depressed, the first thing that we do is we stopbreathing. Well, not literally stop breathing, because then we would die. But we do unconsciously hold our breath because of increased tension in the muscles used for breathing. This can make the overwhelm worse and lead to deeper depression.

When you are feeling overwhelmed and depressed remember to breathe. Deep breaths into your belly in for 3 seconds and out for 3 seconds. Put your hand over your belly so that you can feel it filling up with air. Do this over and over until you feel a little calmer. Repeat throughout the day as necessary.

It will help you A LOT. I promise.

#2 – Go for a walk.

If it ‘ s at all possible, take some time to go for a walk. There isn ‘ t a woman I know who doesn’t say that her stress levels are always greatly reduced after a walk.

The thing about walking is that it kills two bird with one stone. Or rather three!

Walking encourages deep breathing which calms you down quickly.Also, for some reason, the motion of walking encourages clearer thinking. The rhythm of the stride and the increased oxygen intake can make something that was extremely overwhelming just 20 minutes earlier much easier to manage.

Furthermore, the dopamine that your body creates with the motion of exercise works to help alleviate your depression instantly.

So, get outside and get your heart beating. It ‘ s a great way to manage overwhelm and depression.

#3 – Identify what is causing the overwhelm.

One of the reasons you get depressed when you feel overwhelmed is that you don’t understand what isspecifically overwhelming you.

A client of mine was SO overwhelmed with her life. She found that she hadno energy to get anything done, she yelled a lot at her kids and she could barely stand being around her husband.

She figured that she was just too stressed out by her day-to-day living and she came to me to help her get more organized.

We talked for a bit and I came to learn that they have 3 new dogs in the house. 3 new dogs. And they were, you guessed it, causing the overwhelm, not her lack of organization.

Once we knew what was the cause we were able to find a solution.

#4 – Share your stress.

Sharing your stress and your sadness with another person is a key part of dealing with it.

They say that what is kept inside the head is 4x more intense than what is spoken. Also, if you share your overwhelm you might learn something that will help you manage it. We all have things that work for us and sharing them with others can be very helpful.

If you have someone you can talk with about your overwhelm then absolutely do it. Be it a therapist, a life coach, a friend or a partner, let those overwhelming thoughts out of your head and into the world.

From there your thoughts have a reduced power and are easier to deal with.

#5 – Write it out.

Do you journal? Or write letters to yourself? Or scribble notes on post-its? If you do, great! If you don ‘ t, it could be time to start.

Writing about things that are overwhelming you can be useful, both for your depression and your overwhelm, especially if you don ‘ t have someone with whom to share your stress. Much like speaking, writing allows you to get your stress out of your head and onto paper.

And when you can see your stress on a piece of paper in front of you, instead of having it rolling around in your brain, it ‘ s much easier to manage.

#6 – Make a plan.

Once you have pinpointed the cause of the overwhelm it is time to make aplan. Without a plan the overwhelm usually doesn ‘ t just disappear. In fact, it often gets worse.

For my client with the dogs, the plan involved crating up the dogs during the dinnertime and also again at bedtime. Not having the dogs bouncing around, distracting the kids and getting into trouble allowed my client to focus on the work at hand and not let it stress her out.

No more yelling at her kids. Phew.

#7 – Follow through.

The most important part of making a plan is following through. Even the best laid plans don ‘ t work if you don ‘ t follow through.

I have a client who is constantly overwhelmed by her life. She can ‘ t keep her apartment clean, has a difficult time keeping appointments, struggles to do things that involve any planning and who would rather just stay in bed all day.

We made a plan for her to hire someone to clean her apartment once a week and to spend 10 minutes a day neatening up. She was so excited about the plan. And then she didn ‘ t do it. And her apartment stayed a mess. And she continued to be overwhelmed. And even more overwhelmed because she had let herself down by not doing it.

So, make sure that you follow through on your plans to deal with your overwhelm. If you don ‘ t your overwhelm and depression could actually truly overwhelm you and that will not be fun.

#8 – See a doctor.

While you might be thinking that your overwhelm is the cause of your depression, it could be that your depression is the cause of your overwhelm.

For many of us who struggle with depression, the idea of doing anything AT ALL can be so daunting that we just don ‘ t. As a result, we get overwhelmed by all of the things that need to get done that we aren ‘ t doing.

So, if you have tried the things above and they don ‘ t work, or if you wonder if perhaps what I said about you just being depressed it true, then it ‘ s important that you see your primary care doctor right away.

If she can help you deal with your depression, then your overwhelm might fix itself.

So, now you know. When you ‘ re feeling overwhelmed and depressed there are ways to get past it and get past it quickly.

Next time you are feeling overwhelmed get outside and go for a walk, even if it ‘ s just for 20 minutes. Breathe deeply as you stride. You will see that your overwhelm reduces significantly right away.

As you walk, consider what is overwhelming you and make a plan to fix it. If you have someone to help you figure it, out even better. And then make it happen.

If you can ‘ t get past the overwhelm, consider seeing a doctor to treat your depression. It might be the key to it all.

Manage your overwhelm and your depression. Don ‘ t let it manage you.

Are you feeling overwhelmed and depressed?
Let me help, NOW, before it gets to be just too much!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

How To Set Appropriate Boundaries For Marriage Separation

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Are you considering taking the first step to ending your marriage and are you wondering how to set appropriate boundaries for marriage separation?

Good for you for planning ahead! Marriage separation is a big move, and a very challenging one, so making a proactive effort to set boundaries is an excellent plan!

Not sure where to start? Let me help!

Appropriate boundaries for marriage separation will be different for everyone but there are some specific areas that most people consider when creating those boundaries.

#1 – Maintaining physical space.

For as long as you have been in this relationship, you and your partner have shared space. You have had both shared and separate schedules and you come as go as you please.

Not anymore.

Now that you are separating, ground rules will have to be set as to who is where when.

If you are living in the house, when can your partner come over? Does he call ahead? Do you always want to be there or never want to be there when he comes?

What about the possessions in the house? Will they stay as is until the divorce is final or will your partner remove his half to furnish his new place?

How about the kids ‘ school events? Will you both attend or do you need to make a schedule to define who goes where when?

Physical space is a very tricky area to maneuver during a marriage separation. Emotions are usually so high that maintaining some kind of space is important but to what extent it ‘ s up to each couple.

#2 – How money will be spent.

Do you and your partner have a shared bank account? One where both of your money is deposited when received?

Or do you have separate accounts and one joint one to manage household finances?

Perhaps he gets paid in cash and it gets kept in a safety deposit box while your funds go into the house account?

Whatever your bank situation, once you are separated, the bills are still going to need to be paid. It is important that you and your partner decide who is going to pay what when.

Here is a partial list of things to consider when dividing things up

  1. Household management expenses – mortgage, utilities, water, cable, trash, taxes, home maintenance costs
  2. Household occupant expenses – groceries, clothing, pet care, car costs
  3. Kids ‘ expenses – school, activities, day care
  4. Medical Insurance – doctors and therapist expenses

Again, this is a partial list. Here is a link to a more comprehensive link, should you desire one.

#3 – Time spent with the kids.

This is a big one. Who gets time with the kids is one of the most emotionally charged pieces of getting separated, so emotionally charged that people often don ‘ t get separated so that they don ‘ t have to deal with it.

As soon as possible after the decision to separate occurs, it is important the you decide who is going to see the kids when. This will be a scary time for the kids and having a schedule in place ASAP will help them a lot in the transition. And helping them get through this intact must be a high priority.

So, work together, being as reasonable as you can, to make sure that the kids have time with each parent.You might not like your partner right now but they are still your kids ‘ parent and time with them is important.

#4 – Interactions with new partners.

I remember, when my ex-husband left me for someone else, he tried to bring her into his life right away. He introduced her to his family within months and insisted that our kids meet her soon after.

Our kids were devastated. Their daddy wanted them to meet his new love, someone who wasn ‘ t their mommy. This person meant nothing to them – he was just their dad ‘ s girlfriend but he thought it was imperative that she become a part of their life.

Before you make the decision to bring the kids into your grown up romantic relationship, carefully consider your motivations. Are you doing it for them or for you? Do you feel like you need to be validated by your kids or is your new partner pressuring you into making the introduction?

Remember, for most kids, all they really want is their parents back together so bringing someone new into the equation too soon will not be a good thing for them. Perhaps not for anybody.

#5 – Consider your own personal needs.

The list above is of areas that most couples look at when setting appropriate boundaries for marriage separation but it isn ‘ t an exhaustive one.

It is important that you consider what is important to you when setting up boundaries.

For me, it was essential that I had my things around me when I moved out of the house. I knew that to survive the emotional turmoil that was ahead I would need the comfort of things that I feathered my nest with. So, I asked for my things and I took them.

What might be important for you to have to get you through this tough period? Perhaps you want to go to marriage counseling and want that to be part of the established boundaries. Or perhaps it ‘ s important to you that you continue to spend one weekend a month as a family, visiting your aging parents.

Carefully consider what YOU need to stay strong and healthy during what might be the most difficult time in your life.

Breaking up a relationship sucks. It ‘ s just that simple. And setting appropriate relationship boundaries for marriage separation is a key part of managing just how sucky it will be.

Work closely with you partner during this tumultuous time, to try to keep your family business running on an even keel, even if emotions are running high.

Many couples don ‘ t set boundaries and all hell breaks loose around the family and the finances, to the point that relationships fail and finances are ruined.

Don ‘ t do that. Set some boundaries now! You will be glad you did!

Are you getting separated and looking to set boundaries?
Let me help, NOW, to make the transition seamless for everyone!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

How To Let Go Of Love And Move On When He’s Left You For Someone Else

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Has your person left you for someone else? Are you wondering how to let go of love and move on, even when your heart is shattered and you feel like your life is over?

First of all, I am so sorry. There is nothing worse than a broken heart. NOTHING.

Secondly, I can promise you that, even though your heart feels shattered now, your life is not over and that there is hope for a very bright future for you, and for your heart.

But, you ask, How do I get there? How can I get past this pain?

Let me help ‘ ¦.

#1 – Feel your feelings.

The guy that you love just left you for someone else. The hopes and dreams that you had for the future have been completely dashed. You are spending time alone that you used to spend with him. Your life is totally different and, honestly, not so great.

You are going to be sad. You are going to be pissed! You are going to be devastated. And it ‘ s okay.

I remember, when my ex-husband left me for someone else, that I was devastated. In a matter of days, I went from wife to nothing. He had moved on from his wife and from there forward it was him and her. I felt like I was nothing.

That pain lasted a long time but it did eventually pass. A big part of that was me letting myself feel my feelings – my anger, my sadness, my contempt, my disgust. I felt them all and let them go. It hurt a lot to do so but I did it. I truly believe that if I had stuffed them down I would still be dealing with them today.

It is important to be okay with the emotions that you are feeling. It isn ‘ t a reflection of any weakness on your part. It ‘ s a reflection of the pain that you are feeling. And it is important that you feel those feelings. That you feel the pain and the sadness and the regret and whatever emotions arise as a result of the break up.

Only by truly feeling and processing emotions will you be able to work through them and let them go.

#2 – Have no contact. NONE.

Often, when we are broken up with, what we want more than anything is one last conversation. Some closure, if you will.

I believe that closure is a myth.

What we really want in that last conversation is one last chance to be with that person. To perhaps convince them to stay. To prolong the goodbye, even just a bit.

I encourage you to fight against that impulse. All it will do is make you seem desperate and drag out the inevitable. Hold your head up high, say good riddance, and move on.

Also, there is nothing more tempting, when your lover has left you for someone else, then to stalk him or her on social media.

I know that it doesn ‘ t seem like that big of a deal, to take a quick peak at your person ‘ s feed, but you know, as well as I do, that there is a chance you could see something on there that you just don ‘ t want to see. You will see PICTURES of what he is doing and with whom. And chances are, seeing those things will send you into a tail spin. How could it not?

So, eliminate all ties to your loved one on social media. Block him on your phone. Don ‘ t ask your mutual friends about what he is doing. Don ‘ t talk to him yourself.

Tell yourself that he has moved to Mars and that you will never see him again.

You will be glad you did.

#3 – Get hot.

Yes, you read that right. Get hot.

Ok, so you are single again and you suddenly find yourself with lots of free time. And you might also find yourself craving a lot of ice cream.

Now is not the time to sit around, watching Netflix and eating ice cream. While those things might be fun in the moment, in the long run they will only make you feel worse.

Exercise is one of the best ways to manage grief. During exercise your body produces endorphins and endorphins actually make you feel better. And, as a side benefit, exercise also gets you in shape.

Imagine having the body that you have always wanted – you know what body I am talking about. Now is the time to get it. Start exercising to help manage your grief and use it to get in great shape and to feel better about yourself.

And, while it ‘ s not about revenge, let your ex eat his heart out when next he sees you!

#4 – Live your dream.

Another thing to do with all of that free time is to start doing something that you have always wanted to do. Don ‘ t sit around feeling sorry for your empty space –do something with it.

When a client of mine was abandoned by her boyfriend she was a wreck and feeling lonely as hell. I asked her if there was anything that she had always wanted to do, something that she hadn ‘ t done because she was in a relationship.

Without a pause she said YES – she had always wanted to go to Peru and hike the Machu Picchu trail. Could she do that now? I asked. And she said, Why the hell not?

So, my client set out making plans to travel to Peru in the spring. She researched tour groups, found a few friends to come with her, worked to get in shape and ultimately went on the trip of her dreams.

The planning kept her occupied instead of focusing on her guy and the trip changed her life, making her realize that if she could do that she could do anything.

What is it that you have always wanted to do? Pick one thing and start doing it. You have the time. Life is short. Don ‘ t waste it!

#5 – Believe, believe, believe.

Yes, right now your heart is broken. You just can ‘ t imagine being able to get through this day or the next. You know that you will never love or be loved again. Sigh.

No! You have to believe. You have to believe that your great love is out there. That you are more than a little loveable and that what you are going through is only temporary. Think about what you want and work on truly believing that you will get it. And then take the steps to do so. You can do it!

And, if you are feeling hot and full of self-confidence from all that exercise and surviving your grief, imagine what that special someone will think when they first lay eyes on you. WOW!

I can promise you. You will love again. He is out there. I wonder what he is doing right now.

Figuring out how to let go of love and move on after losing your person to another can be a daunting thing.It ‘ s hard to believe that you will ever be okay again.

I can promise you that you will be okay! It might take a little bit but, once you have done the work you need to get past it, your breakup will be a distant memory and your new life will be great!

So, feel your feelings, cut him off completely, get yourself into shape, live your dreams and believe.

Your life will go on, better than ever. You will see. I promise!

Did your man find someone else and are you wondering if you can survive?
Let me help, NOW, before the pain becomes too much to bear!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

5 Strategies For Surviving Infidelity And Depression

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When you began your affair did you ever imagine that you would someday find yourself reading an article on surviving infidelity and depression?

Did you ever in your wildest dreams think that the thing that started out to be so amazingly wonderous would lead you down this dark path to where you find yourself today?

The thing about infidelity is that it ‘ s a mass of contradictions. When you are with your person you are high as a kite. You are madly in love and the sex is great. And then, when you aren ‘ t with this person, you feel like shit. Your self-worth is in the toilet and you are wracked with guilt.

And what comes with the guilt? Depression.

Fortunately, there are strategies for surviving infidelity and depression.

#1 – Keep your mind busy.

I have a married client who was having an affair with a married man, a stay at home dad she had known for years but with whom she had just started a sexual relationship.

From the moment the affair began, she was obsessed with this man and how alive he made her feel. Her marriage was not a happy one, and she didn ‘ t really like her stay at home mom life, so this affair was the perfect escape from her hum drum existence.

Unfortunately, this obsession only got worse the longer the affair lasted. She would think about him morning, noon and night. She didn ‘ t sleep and was distracted from her chores and her kids and keeping the family train on track.

The obsession was eating her alive and, man, she was depressed.

We knew that she needed to do something that would take her mind off her guy, even for a bit. She decided that she would give yoga a try. And it WORKED!

For my client, to spend even just 1.5 hours a day at a yoga class, focusing on the breath and challenging poses instead of her guy, was enough of a break for her to reduce the obsession. Her mind got to rest which was a huge relief for her.

She still couldn ‘ t let go of him but her mind quieted and he consumed less of her head space. It also helped to ease her depression, if only for a bit.

#2 – Keep your friends close.

This same client, because she was so obsessed with being available whenever her guy was available, slowly but surely cut out her relationships with her friends.

Whereas before her affair she would go for walks with her friends or go to the movies or get involved in committees, now my client did nothing but sit around the house, alone, trying to get things done, wondering where her guy was and when she was going to see him again.

Because she didn ‘ t see her friends, and hadn ‘ t told any of them about her affair, she really started to sink into a depression. No longer did she have her support system to help her make it through the day. She didn ‘ t have friends to process things with and she no longer laughed with them as they walked in the woods.

It is important that, no matter what kind of relationship you are in, that you keep your friends. Relationships come and go but your friends will always be there to help you through.

You won ‘ t be stuck dealing with your depression by yourself.

So, go pick up the phone and call someone RIGHT NOW!

#3 – Keep working towards your goals.

For my client, before she started her affair, she had big goals. Her kids were old enough to be in school full day and she wanted to rekindle her previously successful real estate career.

To that end, she got re-licensed and reached out to her old boss. He was thrilled to have her back because she had been a high achiever before her kids were born.

So, my client tried to go back to work. She tried to get herself going the way she used to. To network for clients. To get listings. To put herself out there and succeed.

But, not matter how she tried, she just couldn ‘ t.

My client was so obsessed with her affair that she wasn ‘ t able to put herself out there to succeed. As a result, her depression deepened because not only was she having an affair that she was obsessed with but she could seem to get her own life back even a smidge.

So, if you are trying to survive infidelity and depression, make sure you work your hardest to not let your life goals fall by the wayside. Continue your upwards trajectory so that your self-esteem doesn ‘ t get lost along the way.

#4 – Keep your body fit.

After a year of having an affair, my client had lost twenty pounds. She didn ‘ t eat or sleep or take care of herself. She was a quivering mess of nerves. Her depression had deepened.

Then she started doing yoga to quiet her mind and it really helped. After a few months she noticed that her body was getting stronger. She gained some of the weight back and was feeling healthier.

When she looked in the mirror and saw that she no longer looked like a skeleton but somewhat resembled her old self, her depression eased a bit. A small light at the end of the tunnel for her but a light nonetheless.

So, if you are struggling depression caused by your affair, make sure that you take care of yourself and keep your body strong. Make sure you sleep and eat well and get at least 30 minutes of exercise that raises your heartbeat.

Nothing fights depression like the dopamine that is created by a little aerobic exercise!

#5 – Keep working towards letting go.

The number one best strategy for surviving infidelity and depression is also the hardest one. Can you guess what it is? Yep, it ‘ s letting go of your guy.

When my client began her affair, she assumed it would be a one-time thing. Twice, max. But her affair went on and on and on. For 3 years in fact. And for that entire time, she struggled to let go of her love and move on.

She would tell him they were done and they would be, for anywhere from a week to 6 months. And during those brief periods she got her life back. She would see her friends, find her drive, calm her thoughts and no longer be depressed.

But, every time, they would fall back into their relationship and she found herself right back where she started – depressed.

So, keep trying to break things off with your guy. It ‘ s one of the hardest things you will ever have to do but it is possible!

When you do, you will have your life back. How great would that be?

Surviving infidelity and depression is not an easy feat. It might even be the hardest thing that you ever do. But you CAN DO IT!

Very rarely do we seek out infidelity – usually it appears just when our life seems bleakest, when our marriage is struggling and we have lost some of ourselves. Unfortunately, once infidelity gets it ‘ s claws in you, it ‘ s hard to break free.

But there are ways to manage your depression along the way. Keep your mind busy, your friends close, your ambition high, and your body toned. And don ‘ t EVER stop trying to break away from your lover. I know that you love him but anyone who is wreaking this much havoc in your life is just not good for you!

My client did it. Her life today is great. She left her marriage but she has a new life, with a new man. She is healthy and happy and living a life that is true to herself and to her beliefs.

You can have that too! I promise.

Is your infidelity wreaking havoc on your emotional health?
Let me help, NOW, before it makes everything worse!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

How To Overcome Overwhelm Even When You Don’t Believe You Can

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Are you wondering how to overcome overwhelm, even when you just don ‘ t believe that you possibly can?

Our modern lives arechaotic, jam-packed and exhausting and it can be hard to make it through the day when you are feelingoverwhelmed. And, because it seems that every day is the same, it can be very hard to get ahead of it all.

It IS possible to get through those overwhelming, exhausting days. All it takes is a little awareness and intention and you can do it!

Here are 5 ways to do so…

#1 – Make a list and prioritize.

When you are feeling overwhelmed and tired, just thinking aboutall of the things that needs to be done can shut you down for the day. And shutting you down for the day is definitely not what you need because that will only lead to more overwhelm tomorrow!

A big part of overwhelm is knowing that you have a ton to do and lots of places to be but not knowing what exactly they are. The unknown can be petrifying.

So, take a minute and make a list of everything that you think needs to be done today. Once you have a list, underline everything that REALLY needs to be done today. And then take those underlined items and prioritize what needs to be done first, second and third.

If you know exactly what needs to be done, and you can look at it in front of you, your overwhelm will immediately subside. A big piece of overwhelm is the result of just not knowing what needs to be done. Making a list lets you figure it out.

#2 – Take it one step at a time.

Once you have your list, and know your priorities, it ‘ s important tostart at the beginning. And take it one step at a time.

Another cause of overwhelm is that, in our heads, we jump too quickly ahead or start to visualize an end result that isn ‘ t what we want it to be and so we get derailed.

I have a client who was miserable at work. She so wanted to get another job but the thought of doing so was completely overwhelming.

We talked it through and I learned that she was very intimidated by prospect of working somewhere else. I recognized what was happening. That she was so paralyzed by the end of the process that she couldn ‘ t start the process. If we picture the end without understanding the steps it can be totally overwhelming.

So, I suggested we start at the beginning.

First, we identified what the first step would be in her job search – work on her resume. Could she do that without getting too overwhelmed? Just that. Work on her resume. Nothing else.

She agreed that she could and so she did. A week later she had her resume ready and it was time for step two – looking, but not applying, for jobs.

Take each step on your journey individually. And if something unexpected gets in the way, don ‘ t give up. Handle it and then get back to your list and keep moving forward.

#3 – Do something for yourself.

A key part of surviving through exhaustion and overwhelm is to dosomething to take care of yourself. When we are at the end of our rope our tendency is to put ourselves on the back burner and everyone and everything ahead of us.

It ‘ s important that we take even just a little bit of time to do something for ourselves and recharge our batteries.

What would work for you? Perhaps it ‘ s a walk or a run, a mid-morning croissant snack, tea with a friend, a pedicure or even a massage. Whatever would work for you to make your day just a little more manageable. And ease the overwhelm.

#4 – Remember to eat well and dance.

When we are running around like crazy we tend to forget to eat. Or, if we do eat, we eat something that isn ‘ t good for us.

An important part of fighting overwhelm is to make sure that we eat well, food that will fuel our journey through the day.

What kind of food? Protein is the most important – eggs, nuts, chicken, cheese. Make sure to eat a good breakfast and lunch or, at the very least, keep some protein with you to snack on. A bag of almonds in the glove box can make a huge difference.

And what do I mean by dance? I mean, getting off the couch and get your heart rate up. Nothing helps overwhelm that getting on your feet and breathing hard.

I like to dance when I get overwhelmed. I put music on and dance around my house, not caring at all what I look like, just focusing on how I feel. I get sweaty and my head gets clear and the overwhelm that was getting me down just a few minutes early gets manageable.

So, do what you like to do to get your heart rate up. You will be glad you did. I promise.

#5 – Become reacquainted with your sofa.

I know you are laughing at the thought of fitting a nap into your crazy day but if you possibly can it will make a HUGE difference.

Cat naps are proven to increase your alertness, speed up your motor performance, improve your accuracy and decision making, reduce stress and boost your creativity.

I am the queen of the 20 minutes nap in the car. I pull over in the shade or sun, depending on the season, put my seat back and snooze for 20 minutes. When I wake up my energy levels are definitely up and I can get through the rest of my day.

So, try to make some time to snooze. It will be totally worth it!

This crazy modern life we lead makes it important that understand how to deal with emotional overwhelm so we can get through our day.

And, since tropical vacations aren ‘ t usually available to help us recharge, it ‘ s important that we do what we can do to get through the day.

So, make a list, set your priorities and take care of yourself. If you can take care of yourself then you will better be able to take care of others. And get yourself through the day intact and ready for another one tomorrow.

You can do it!

Is your overwhelm making your life incredibly difficult?
Let me help, NOW, before it gets out of control!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

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