5 Ways to Tell if the Guy You Love Doesn’t Love You Back

/by


Are you wondering if the guy you love loves you back?

How any times have you sat with a friend as she cried about the man that she loves because she is confused about whether he loves her or not. How many? Thousands perhaps? Me too.

And don ‘ t you always want to say ‘ ˜it ‘ s so obvious! He doesn ‘ t love you! ‘ ? Because it is so obvious. To you, but not to her.

And now do you find yourself in the her place? Wondering if the guy you love loves you back?

Let me help. There are 5 ways to tell that your guy doesn ‘ t love you. They are:

#1 – He constantly makes excuses about why he can’t spend time with you.

A guy who is in love with a girl actively wants to spend time with her. In fact, he will move heaven and earth to spend time with her.

Now, I am not saying that your guy doesn ‘ t love you if he goes to a football game with the guys or has breakfast with his mother. But if your guy regularly has to work late on date night or is having problems with his car or suddenly has been struck down a mysterious illness then there is the possibility that he is making excuses not to see you.

And if he is making excuses to not see you then he definitely isn ‘ t in love with you. Because, if he was, he would be sitting right by your side and you would not be reading this article

#2 – He ghosts you in any way.

Does your guy disappear?

Do you text him and not hear back for hours and when you do there is talk about a broken phone keyboard or a dead battery?

Are you supposed to meet your guy for dinner but at the last minute he tells you he can ‘ t make it and then you don ‘ t hear from him for a day?

Does he tell you that he isn ‘ t feeling well enough to hang out with you and then spends the night posting on Facebook and he doesn ‘ t respond to any of your messages?

If your guy ghosts you in any way he doesn ‘ t love you. A guy who loves a girl treats her with respect and that respect means that he responds to her clearly and honestly. He is clear about his actions and his intentions and he shares them with her.

So, if your guy disappears regularly, with lame excuses, then he most definitely isn ‘ t in love with you.

#3 – He spends more time on his hobbies than with you.

Does your man have a hobby that regularly takes him away from you?

A client of mine has a guy who is passionate about riding his bike. Every weekend he goes out with his posse and they clock as many miles as they can get in. Every weekend.

My friend had no problem with his passion for biking until he started to put his bike over her on his priority list. The weekend would come along and she would want to just spend time with him but his bike ride came first. So, she would wait and when he got back he was always too tired to do anything with her.

If you man has a hobby great! Everyone should have a hobby! But if he regularly puts his hobby ahead of you on his play list then he doesn ‘ t love you.

Time to go find a man who has a hobby to share with the woman he loves.

#4 – He isn ‘ t always nice to you.

Do you come downstairs after carefully dressing for dinner only to have your guy make a snide comment about what you are wearing?

Does your man comment on your horrible cooking in front of your friends?

Does he mock new ideas that you might have about your career?

If your man does any of these things, he doesn ‘ t love you. A man who is in love with a woman treats her with the utmost respect and would never dream of being unkind to her.

Of course, some men are clueless and will say something innocent about your dress without meaning to but if your man is regularly unkind to you then he definitely doesn ‘ t love you.

#5 – He doesn ‘ t do things just to make you happy.

Do you make plans to go out with the girls and ask him to take care of the kids and he refuses?

Do you want to spend that extra money that you have saved on a new dishwasher and he insists that it would be better spent elsewhere?

Do you want to spend some quality time with him but he is always too busy?

Men who love their woman want to give them what they want because they know that if a woman feels taken care of she will feel loved. If a man is always selfish in his considerations and doesn ‘ t care at all what you want then that man doesn ‘ t love you.

So, I ask you, if your friend was telling you about a man who fits the criteria above, what you would you say to her? And what would you hope your friend would say to you if the positions were reversed?

Read this list. Keep it. Memorize it. Use it now to get rid of the guy who doesn’t love you and keep it for later use. Hopefully you won ‘ t need it but keep it close in case you do ‘ ¦

The guy who will truly love you is out there. Don ‘ t settle for someone who just pretends he does. Move on NOW!

Are you wondering if your guy loves you back?
Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

5 Things You Need To Know About Combating Situational Depression

/by


Are things in your life rough these days? Are you plagued by feelings of hopelessness and dread? Do you find yourself combating situational depression? Are you wondering what to do?

Let me help!

Combating situational depression is different from dealing with other kinds of depression. Here are some things that you need to know to win the fight!

#1 – Know the difference between chemical and situational depression.

Diagnostically, are two basic kinds of depression: situational depression and chemical depression. They have similar symptoms but different causes.

Situational depression is caused by something that happens in your life. When something big happens that makes you sad, like the death of a parent or a divorce or the loss of a job, you can become situationally depressed. This kind of depression usually has a beginning, caused by a specific event, and an end, and is often treated differently from chemical depression.

Chemical depression is the result your brain chemistry being off in such a way that leads to depression. You are most often born with chemical depression but it can also by caused by a traumatic life event.

Chemical depression can happen to youeven if your life is going great.

So, ask yourself some questions about what your life looks like these days to help you figure out what kind of depression you might have.

If you think you have situational depression, read on. If you think you have chemical depressionhere is an article for you to read to learn more.

#2 – Know what is causing YOUR situational depression.

As I stated above, situational depression happens when something occurs in your life that causes you extreme stress and because you haven ‘ t yet adapted to the changes brought about as a result of that event.

Issues that can bring about situational depression include:

  • Problems at work or school
  • Illness
  • Death of a loved one
  • Moving
  • Relationship issues

Furthermore, many people who struggle with situational depression often have preexisting experiences with some sort of trauma that might contribute to their mood changes. Some possible experiences may be:

  • Existing mental health problems
  • Several difficult life experiences happening at once
  • Having gone through considerable stress as a child

So, take a good look at your life right now. Are you struggling with something? Is your child having issues at school? Is your marriage a mess? Are your parents ill? Anything that is out of the ordinary and which is making it more difficult to function.

If you are sad, and you are struggling with life events, you might be situationally depressed.

#3 – Know the symptoms of situational depression.

Most people with situational depression develop symptoms within roughly 90 days following the event that triggers the condition. Symptoms can include:

  • Listlessness
  • Hopelessness
  • Lack of enjoyment of regular activities
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Sadness
  • Recurring bouts of crying
  • Loss of interest in food
  • Anxiety
  • Worry
  • Loss of Concentration
  • Withdrawal from work or friends
  • Suicidal thoughts

Symptoms of situational depression vary from person to person and usually include more than one of the symptoms above.

Review the list above carefully. If any of these things seem familiar to you then you might be struggling with situational depression and it ‘ s time to deal with it. Situational depression can cause severe disruption of your life if left untreated.

#4 – Know the best way to treat situational depression.

In many cases, situational depression will ease on its own. There are things that you can do in the meantimeto help relieve the symptoms. Getting exercise, eating well, getting enough sleep, sharing your feelings and doing things that make you happy can all help ease your sense of sadness.

However, if your symptoms are seriously disrupting your life or not going away, it would be a good idea to talk to your Primary Care doctor about what is going on. It might be time to talk to a psychologist and/or get treated with some medication.

Either way, it is important that you pay attention to your moods so that you know if they are getting worse or better. It ‘ s often easy to lose sight of the fact that it ‘ s the depression that is making your life so bleak. We start to blame ourselves for not being strong enough or outgoing enough or smart enough when in fact our self-image is clouded by the depression.

Checking in with your moods regularly so that you can deal with them properly is an important part of dealing with your situational depression.

#5 – Know that you should have hope.

Some people with situational depression have symptoms for longer than 6 months. This is especially common when something else happens during the recovery period, which often happens because, well, this is life.

If yourdepression is seriously impacting your life, whether just for a few weeks or a few months, reach out to your doctor to get some support. Your life just might depend on it.

Luckily, for many, situational depression can abate quickly, especially if you make a special effort to take care of yourself, sleep and eat well, get exercise and hang out with those you love.

So, have some hope that your situational depression will most likely pass, that it won ‘ t be a part of your life forever. How you are feeling today is most likely not how you will feel in a month or two.

Combating situational depression is exhausting. Life is hard enough and being sad, overwhelmed and hopeless as well can be devastating.

Fortunately, dealing with situational depression is possible. Take a good look at your life and try to identify what might be causing your sadness. Knowing what the source of your sadness is the first step to dealing with it.

Take care of yourself. Exercise, eat and sleep well. Pay attention to your moods and manage them. Have hope that, with time or with treatment, it will pass and you will get your life back.

You can do it! I promise.

Are you combating situational depression?
Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

How To Make A Woman Feel Safe And Secure

/2 Comments/by


It ‘ s something that women always say they are looking for in a man, someone to make them ‘ ˜feel safe. ‘

And, of course, you want to give her that. What man wouldn ‘ t?

But how the hell do you do that? What makes a woman feel safe? Let me tell you ‘ ¦.

#1 – Listen to her.

The most important thing to make a woman feel safe is for her to know that you are listening to her.

That when she talks you are paying attention and understanding what she is saying and feeling.

While you might be inclined to think that you need to ‘ ˜fix ‘ her to make her feel safe, in reality really all she wants you to do is to listen and let her know that you are there for her.

So, next time your girl opens up to you, sit down and pay attention. Hold her hand, empathize with her feelings and confirm for her that you are there and that you always will be.

#2 – Do what you say you are going to do.

Are you one of those guys who doesn ‘ t always do what you say you are going to do?

Do you tell your girl that you will be home at 6 even if you aren ‘ t going to be home until 8 because you don ‘ t want to make her mad? Or that you will go pick out the windows for the house renovation, even though chances are good that you will have to work?

Often, for many men, they don ‘ t do what they say they are going to do because they are worried that if they speak the truth they will hurt or upset their woman.

In fact, the opposite is true. Men who don ‘ t do what they say they are going to do actually hurt their woman more and definitely don ‘ t make them feel safe.

So, make sure you do what you say you are going to do. Allow your woman to feel confident that she can rely on you to always be there for her. And make her feel safe.

#3 – Tell her how you feel about her.

Have you ever thought to yourself ‘ ˜I don ‘ t need to tell her how I feel about her. She knows. ‘

Do you take out the garbage faithfully, assuming that by doing so your woman will know you love her?

If the answer to either question is YES then you are wrong!

Telling your woman how you feel about her is a key component in making her feel safe. She might have a sense of how you feel but to actually hear the words come out of your mouth let ‘ s her know that you have her back. That you care about her enough to tell her and that she knows that she can count on you to be there for her.

#4 – Act like a man.

I know. I know. In this day and age men and women are equal. And my 23 year old daughter will kill me for saying this but the truth of the matter is that men can make women feel safe by just acting like themselves.

Men are genetically programmed to be protectors. The survival of the species depended on men protecting their women and children from predators. That instinct is not gone in this 21stcentury world.

I am not saying that you need to brandish your club and knock down anyone who messes with your girl but make sure that she knows that you are there for her, to reach the things that she can ‘ t reach, to carry that load that is just too much for her, to hold the door open when her hands are full and to get rid of that dead mouse carcass the cat dragged in.

Tap into your inner caveman, without letting him take you over completely, and allow your girl to feel safe.

#5 – Be honest.

The number one most important thing in making a woman feel safe is to be honest.

I said above that it is important that you always do what you say you are going to do but it is more than that.

For a woman to feel safe she needs to feel trust. And if you can ‘ t be honest with her she can never trust you.

So, if you can ‘ t get home for dinner, tell her. If you need to see your mother instead of going out with her friends, don ‘ t make an excuse. Tell her the truth. If you ran up the credit card debt or forgot to give the kids a bath or need some time on your own, be direct and up front. Tell her the truth, right away.

Let her know that she can rely on you to be honest and if you do she will feel safe.

If you want the girl of your dreams to love you forever, let her feel safe.

Listen to her, do what you say you are going to do, tell her how you feel about her, protect her and be honest.

I promise you. You make your girl feel safe and she is yours forever.

If you have read this far you must have a girl you want to feel safe and secure.
Let me help you, NOW, before she finds someone else!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

What to do When You are Feeling Too Depressed to Get Out of Bed

/by


Are you lying in bed again, feeling too depressed to get out of bed?

Are you feeling badly about yourself, thinking that you are a loser and that the world would be better off without you?

That ‘ s just not true! It ‘ s time to get out of your bed and get on with your life. It will be worth it. I promise!

But what can you do to give you the energy to get out of bed? Let me help!

#1 – Get laughing.

They do say that laughter is the best medicine and it ‘ s true!

When we are depressed we tend to isolate ourselves. The prospect of getting out of bed and actually interacting with people is too much for us to bear.

This is just exactly the opposite of what we should be doing. The physical act of smiling has actually been proven to lighten one ‘ s mood. How amazing is that?

Picture this. You can spend the rest of the day in bed, covers pulled up over your ears, mulling about how horrible the world is and how you are never going to do anything ever again. OR you can invite a friend over and laze around on your bed, laughing about whatever it is that you laugh about with them.

So, do what you can do to get some laughter going. If the idea of friends is just too much to bear, grab your laptop and binge watch The Office or Parks and Rec or Insecure and laugh hard and long.

Get those smile muscles activated and lift your mood immediately.

#2 – Do just one thing.

When we are depressed the idea of getting anything done at all is completely overwhelming. And so, what do we do? Nothing. And then how do we feel? Worse.

Try this: from your bed try to do just one thing. Perhaps it ‘ s checking your email. Or doing some research on a weekend away. Or shopping for a dress for your friend ‘ s wedding. You will be amazed at how doing just one thing can give you the energy to get out of bed.

Remember, choose something that you really like to do because if you try to do something that you feel like you MUST do, instead of WANT to do, then you will fail and feel worse about everything.

So, choose one thing that you like to do, something you can do from your bed. And do it.

#3 – Have sex.

There are two things that happen when you have sex. The first is that you feel emotionally connected to someone and the second is that your orgasm generates all sorts of feel good chemicals – chemicals that once again counteract that depressed feeling.

The other thing that happens is that sex keeps your mind off your depression and an excellent way to get rid of depression is to ignore it completely. Without your attention depression tends to slink away, unhappy that it isn ‘ t occupying your every

thought.
So, you are already in bed. Have sex. It will be fun!

#4 – Be kind to yourself.

Okay. You are depressed. And it sucks. But it is what it is. But don ‘ t judge yourself for it. Don ‘ t think that you are a horrible person because you can ‘ t fight this off. Don ‘ t think you are a loser because your sadness has brought you way down.

Instead, recognize that you are depressed and that you will have to ride it out. That getting depressed is something that is a part of your life and that you are not alone. Many people suffer from depression and it ‘ s not a sign of weakness. In fact, those who deal with depression are often far stronger than those who don ‘ t because life is just a little harder for us.

So, be kind to yourself. Recognize that this depression will pass and that you will become your old self again. You just need to use your coping skills to ride it out. You have gotten through it before and will get through it again.

#5 – Just get the $*% out of bed.

I know, I know, the inclination to stay under the covers, in the dark, away from the stimulation of the world is almost irresistible when you are depressed. Bed is comfy and cozy and not going to judge you in any way for how you are feeling.

If you are trapped in your bed, and nothing else works to change that, just GET OUT OF IT!

I know it seems impossible but if you can just do it you will be amazed at how much it can help your mood.

Once you are out of bed it ‘ s important that you stay out of bed. People I know who are depressed go to great lengths to stay out of bed once they have freed themselves from it.

I have known people to take their mattress off the box spring and lean it against the wall. Some people pile their mattress with books. Others strip the bed of the sheets.

Whatever it takes to keep them out of bed.

Because, out of bed, it ‘ s way more likely that you will actually be able to do something other than lay around, ruminating about how horrible you feel.

Go make coffee. Take the dog for a walk. Make your bed. Even if it doesn ‘ t lead to doing another thing, at least you got one thing done!

Feeling so depressed that you can ‘ t get out of bed is a horrible thing.

Hopefully, for you, it is a thing that will pass and life will go on.

Unfortunately, for some people, being so depressed that you can ‘ t get out of bed is something that happens regularly. Without attention it will keep happening.

It ‘ s important that if you are often feeling so depressed that you can ‘ t get out of your bed then it ‘ s important that you do one more thing:

#6 – Call your primary care doctor.

For people who are chronically laid low in bed by depression, it is important that you pick up the phone and call your primary care doctor.

Tell her that you are depressed and ask for her help in dealing with it. You might have chemical depression which can be helped with medication and therapy.

If your depression is taking over your life and keeping you in bed, call your doctor right away. You will be glad you did.

Are you feeling too depressed to get out of bed?
Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

5 Ways Relationship Boundaries And Expectations Can Hurt Your Relationship

/by


Relationship boundaries and expectations are often talked about as the key to successful relationships. What isn ‘ t often addressed is that relationship boundaries and expectations can hurt your relationship also.

Good relationship boundaries include the following: spending time apart, neither one of you being in charge, being flexible, displaying respect for each other, and staying yourself in the relationship. All of these sound great, right?

So, how is that possible? That something meant to make a relationship strong can also serve to weaken it?

Let me tell you ‘ ¦

#1 – You don ‘ t communicate clearly.

Relationship boundaries and expectations can hurt your relationship if they aren ‘ t communicated clearly to each other.

Imagine that for you to be happy in a relationship you need to spend time alone but you don ‘ t tell your partner that it ‘ s important for you. That spending time alone only enhances your feelings for your partner and improves your relationship.

Imagine how your need to be alone might make your partner feel? Perhaps your partner thinks that your need to be alone is a negative reflection of how you feel about them. Perhaps when you are off alone your partner is worried and miserable.

Can you see how that might not be so great for your relationship?

So, make sure that you and your partner set boundaries and expectations together and that you both understand clearly what they are.

#2 – Your expectations don ‘ t match.

Another way that relationship boundaries and expectations can hurt your relationship is if your boundaries and expectations don ‘ t match.

Let ‘ s say that you both know how important it is for you to remain yourself in a relationship. That if you aren ‘ t yourself you just don ‘ t feel happy, alone or together. But what if your partner believes that individuals in couples should work hard to change for the other person. That the individual no longer matters, only the couple.

If relationship boundaries and expectations don ‘ t match in a relationship, the relationship will be doomed unless both parties are willing to work together to make things work both of them.

#3 – Spending time apart doesn ‘ t work for everyone.

Spending time alone in relationship is a very important part of it being healthy. Couples who can enjoy time apart are usually very happy to come back together.

This is not always the case for some couples. Some individuals really struggle when they can ‘ t be with their partner. They are happy that their partner is doing his own thing but they are paralyzed by missing him. They do not take the opportunity to get out and do their own thing but instead sit at home, sad and growing resentful.

So, if one person can ‘ t handle the being alone part it can be very damaging to a relationship. If that occurs, work together to figure out a way for you to spend time on your own in a way that won ‘ t hurt your partner. Maybe do it around times when they already have plans. Or when they are away for work.

Spending time alone is important. Try hard to make it happen.

#4 – No one is in charge.

Making sure that no one person is in charge of a relationship is a key relationship boundary that keeps relationships happy. But it can also be fraught with issues.

When no one is captain of the ship it is possible for the ship to founder. If crew members are left on their own to make decisions independently, without taking into account the other crew members, disaster can happen.

The same can happen with relationships. When no one takes the lead in any one area, such as planning social events or doing work on the house, then, more likely than not, nothing will happen. And, when nothing happens, a relationship can get stagnant and stale pretty quickly.

So, divide and conquer. If something has to happen put one person in charge of taking the lead. It doesn ‘ t have to apply to everything, just the one event that is being addressed.

Don ‘ t let lack of leadership be a bad thing in your relationship.

#5 – You are your own person at the expense of the relationship.

Yes, being your own person in a relationship is very important. No one can be happy if they aren ‘ t being who they truly are.

Unfortunately, the need to be your own person can interfere with the health of a relationship.

In my marriage we had a struggle with this issue. I was the kind of person who was always polite and kind but also insisted on speaking my truth about what I wanted and confronting issues up front.

My ex, and his family, definitely didn ‘ t prescribe to my philosophy. They believed in fitting in with a crowd, going along with what the group wanted to do. They never addressed issues head on but rather said nothing, hoping it would all go away.

The struggle between me needing to be me and the needs of my ex-husband and his family was a profound one that ultimately led to the end of our marriage, I believe.

So, work hard to stay true to yourself in relationship but make sure that if it brings up any issues you are ready to face them head on with your partner before they ruin your relationship.

Good for you for wanting to keep your relationship healthy and doing the research, reading about boundaries and deciding how to apply them to your behaviors and your relationship. That is great work and should be applauded.

BUT, remember, if you don ‘ t share what you learned with your partner and tell them how you are going to apply them to your actions in relationship then you are doomed from the start.

Your partner might not understand why your behaviors are different or that they don ‘ t line up with his. Why is flexibility and respect so important to you? Why are you leaving him alone and insisting on being yourself? And if he doesn ‘ t understand that can definitely hurt a relationship.

So, set healthy relationship boundaries and expectations together and continually work to make sure they are helping your relationship and not hurting them!

Are you struggling with relationship boundaries and expectations?
They can be challenging. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

What It Means When You Wake Up Feeling Depressed For No Reason

/1 Comment/by


Was it that kind of morning for you? Did you wake up feeling depressed for no reason AGAIN? Is this becoming a pattern and are you wondering why?

Is your life going along pretty great? Are you happy with your relationships, your job, your health? And yet, for some reason, you are still feelingdepressed?

If the answer is yes, then there are a few things that you can do to try and figure out what is going on. Getting past depression is important and knowing the cause is an important part of doing so.

#1 – Take note of the view out your window.

What time of year is it when you are reading this article? Summer? Winter? Fall? Spring. Believe it or not, the time of year can greatly affect your moods, maybe even contribute to why you wake up feeling depressed for no reason.

Seasonal Affective Disorder is a depressive disorder caused by the change of seasons. Some people get depressed because of the reduced daylight hours. Some people because of the temperature changes. Everyone affected by SAD finds themselves sad without something being wrong.

Fall is a hard time for me because my kids go back to school and the days start getting shorter. If I don ‘ t pay attention I often find myself deeply depressed, even if everything else is great.

How do you deal with SAD? The most effective way is with afull spectrum lamp. The lamp will help your body tolerate the change in seasons by exposing it to full spectrum light.

Another thing to ask yourself is if something painful happened to you this same time of year in another year. I know that every year in early June I get very depressed because it is the anniversary of my mother ‘ s death. Sometimes it creeps up on me and I don ‘ t even know it.

Anticipating anniversaries that might be fraught with emotion is a good way to keep the SAD at bay because you can take steps to deal with what might make you sad. I make sure I do something that reminds me of my mom before the anniversary of her death and it has really helped me manage the pain of the loss so that it doesn ‘ t bring me down.

#2 – Get your thyroid and Vitamin D levels checked.

Two major causes of depression can be thyroid hormone levels that are off and low vitamin D.

When our thyroid hormone levels are off a variety of symptoms can arise. One of them is depression. Many of my clients who come to me complaining of depressive feelings often end up having thyroid disorders.

Vitamin D deficiency is also one of the major causes of depression. Because of the prevalence of sunscreen use, and a significant shortage of sunshine during some parts of the year, many Americans don ‘ t get enough sun. The sun is the only way for a human being to get Vitamin D (other than fortified milk and orange juice) so sun deficiency means a Vitamin D deficiency and Vitamin D deficiency leads to depression.

Fortunately, in both cases, testing is easy – a simple blood test – and treatment involves taking a pill.

So, if you’re suddenly feeling depressed for no reason call your primary care doctor and get your blood checked right away.

#3 – Make sure you are taking good care of yourself.

Are you eating well? Getting exercise? Spending time with friends? Taking care of your hygiene?

If not, this could be the cause of yourdepression.

Taking care of our mental and physical bodies is a key to mental and physical health. If you don ‘ t take care of yourself, but instead live on wine and ice cream, eventually your body is going to react.

A body that isn ‘ t well fed or exercised will start to turn on itself, causing all sort of debilitating issues. One of those issues is depression.

So, if you find that you’re suddenly feeling depressed for no reason, examine how you are taking care of yourself. If you are not doing a good job try to make a change. You might find your depression lifts if you do.

#4 – Know about thedifferentkinds of depression.

Diagnostically, are two basic kinds of depression: situational depression and chemical depression. They have similar symptoms but different causes.

Situational depression is caused by something that happens in your life. When something big happens that makes you sad, like the death of a parent or a divorce or the loss of a job, you can become situationally depressed. This kind of depression usually has a beginning, caused by a specific event, and an end, and is often treated differently from chemical depression.

Chemical depression is the result your brain chemistry being off in such a way that leads to depression. You are most often born with chemical depression but it can also by caused by a traumatic life event.

Chemical depression can happen to youeven if your life is going great.

A good way to get a sense of whether or not you are chemically depressed is to ask yourself some questions. They are:

  • Are you living with feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness?
  • Are you moreirritable than usual?
  • Have you lost interest in things that used to make you happy?
  • Are you not sleeping as well as you used to?
  • Have your sleep patterns changed? Are you spending more time in bed?
  • Have your eating patterns changed? Have you lost or gained weight?
  • Are you more anxious than you used to be?
  • Do you struggle with feelings of worthlessness?
  • Do you have a hard timefocusing?
  • Do you think about committing suicide?
  • Do you have new physical problems, like headaches or backaches.

If you answered yes to any, or all, of these questions you might be struggling with chemical depression.

#5 – Reach out for help.

Regardless of what kind ofdepression you are struggling with, situational or chemical depression, it is important that you reach out for help.

See your primary care doctor right away about your depression. Tell them honestly about your symptoms so that they can treat you.

Many people struggle with the embarrassment of depression. They think that they should be able to suck it up and just deal, like everybody else. Well, let me tell you that a significant portion of Americans deal with depression and many of them don ‘ t just suck it up. They either self-medicate with food or alcohol or they get treatment from a professional.

Guess which one is better for you.

If you wake up feeling depressed for no reason again tomorrow, talk to your primary care doctor. Feeling lethargic, unmotivated, sad and angry can be debilitating and you don ‘ t want it to overtake your life.

Whatever you do, don ‘ t ignore thedepression and hope it goes away. Consider where you are today, have your hormone and vitamin D levels checked, take care of yourself mentally and physically and check in to see if you might be chemically depressed.

The most important thing is not to go it alone. Get some professional help. Depression will get worse the longer it goes untreated so nipping it in the bud is essential.

Are you waking up depressed for no reason?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

Struggling With Situational Depression? Facts To Help You Cope

/1 Comment/by


Do you wake up in the morning feeling sad and hopeless? Are you wondering if you are depressed? And if you are depressed, do you wonder what kind of depression you might have, chemical or situational? Let me share some situational depression facts that might help you figure it out and get proper treatment.

#1 – What are the differences between chemical and situational depression?

Diagnostically, are two basic kinds of depression: situational depression and chemical depression. They have similar symptoms but different causes.

Situational depression is caused by something that happens in your life. When something big happens that makes you sad, like the death of a parent or a divorce or the loss of a job, you can become situationally depressed. This kind of depression usually has a beginning, caused by a specific event, and an end, and is often treated differently from chemical depression.

Chemical depression is the result your brain chemistry being off in such a way that leads to depression. You are most often born with chemical depression but it can also by caused by a traumatic life event.

Chemical depression can happen to youeven if your life is going great.

So, ask yourself some questions about what your life looks like these days to help you figure out what kind of depression you might have.

If you think you have situational depression, read on. If you think you have chemical depression here is an article for you to read to learn more.

#2 – What do I need to know about situational depression?

As I stated above, situational depression happens when something occurs in your life that causes you extreme stress and because you haven ‘ t yet adapted to the changes brought about as a result of that event.

Issues that can bring about situational depression include:

  • Problems at work or school
  • Illness
  • Death of a loved one
  • Moving
  • Relationship issues

Furthermore, many people who struggle with situational depression often have preexisting experiences with some sort of trauma that might contribute to their mood changes. Some possible experiences may be:

  • Existing mental health problems
  • Several difficult life experiences happening at once
  • Having gone through considerable stress as a child

So, take a good look at your life right now. Are you struggling with something? Is your child having issues at school? Is your marriage a mess? Are your parents ill? Anything that is out of the ordinary and which is making it more difficult to function.

If you are sad, and you are struggling with life events, you might be situationally depressed.

#2 – What are the symptoms of situational depression?

Most people with situational depression develop symptoms within roughly 90 days following the event that triggers the condition. Symptoms can include:

  • Listlessness
  • Hopelessness
  • Lack of enjoyment of regular activities
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Sadness
  • Recurring bouts of crying
  • Loss of interest in food
  • Anxiety
  • Worry
  • Loss of Concentration
  • Withdrawal from work or friends
  • Suicidal thoughts

Symptoms of situational depression vary from person to person and usually include more than one of the symptoms above.

Review the list above carefully. If any of these things seem familiar to you then you might be struggling with situational depression and it ‘ s time to deal with it. Situational depression can cause severe disruption of your life if left untreated.

#4 – What is the best way to treat situational depression?

In many cases, situational depression will ease on its own. There are things that you can do in the meantime to help relieve the symptoms. Getting exercise, eating well, getting enough sleep, sharing your feelings and doing things that make you happy can all help ease your sense of sadness.

However, if your symptoms are seriously disrupting your life or not going away, it would be a good idea to talk to your Primary Care doctor about what is going on. It might be time to talk to a psychologist and/or get treated with some medication.

Either way, it is important that you pay attention to your moods so that you know if they are getting worse or better. It ‘ s often easy to lose sight of the fact that it ‘ s the depression that is making your life so bleak. We start to blame ourselves for not being strong enough or outgoing enough or smart enough when in fact our self-image is clouded by the depression.

Checking in with your moods regularly so that you can deal with them properly is an important part of dealing with your situational depression.

#5 – How long will my situational depression last?

Many people with situational depression have symptoms for longer than 6 months. This is especially common when something else happens during the recovery period, which often happens because, well, this is life.

For others, situational depression can abate quickly, especially if you make a special effort to take care of yourself, sleep and eat well, get exercise and hang out with those you love.

If your depression is seriously impacting your life, whether just for a few weeks or a few months, reach out to your doctor to get some support. Your life just might depend on it.

Situational depression sucks. Really it does.

But understanding why your depression is happening and accepting that it is something that you will have to deal with is the first step to feeling better.

Remember, there are many people in the world who are struggling with depression. You are not alone. And you are not weak or anti-social or less-than in any way. You are suffering from depression and you can get better!

So, read the article above carefully. Take the first steps to dealing with your depression. You will be happy you did.

Are you struggling with situational depression?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

Why Women Struggle With Letting Go of a Toxic Love

/by


A few years back I was in a relationship that was not good for me. The man I loved was bad for me in so many ways but I just couldn ‘ t leave him. Or if I did manage to leave him he would reappear a few days or weeks later and suck me back in. And I let him. Over and over and over.

Looking back, I have wondered why this was so. Why I just couldn ‘ t let go. I think I have figured it out and want to share what I have learned with you.

#1 – We are afraid of being alone.

It is the human condition to want to be in a pair. To have someone to share one ‘ s life and experiences with. That is the goal.

Unfortunately, for many of us, we are willing to settle for ‘ ˜good enough ‘ when it comes to finding the other half of our twosome. We believe that if we let go of the bird in hand that we will NEVER find another man to love. The prospect of putting ourselves out there again so that we can find that person is overwhelmingly daunting. So, we hold onto the one we have now. No matter how bad they are for us.

Let me tell you, from decades of personal and professional experience, there is always another person out there for us. We might not find them right away but we will NEVER find them if we stay in the relationship that we are in.

So, if you are staying in your toxic relationship because you believe that if you leave you will always be alone, let me tell you that you won ‘ t! There is a guy out there for you, a guy who will be your perfect half, who will make you whole.

#2 – We don ‘ t feel great about ourselves.

I can ‘ t tell you how many of my clients who are in toxic relationships have very low self-esteem.

They just don ‘ t believe that they are worthy of good love and, if they do, they have no idea how to go out and find it.

Unfortunately, the result of toxic relationships can be the lowering of self -esteem. We are unhappy, isolated from our friends, belittled for any perceived shortcomings and know, deep down, that we aren ‘ t being treated well.

And if we don ‘ t feel good about ourselves we attract men who don ‘ t feel good about us either.

For me, part of letting go of my toxic love was focusing on my business. I was able to redirect the pain of letting go of the relationship into something that made me feel really good about myself. And feeling good about myself allowed me to let him go and find someone who sees just how awesome I am.

#3 – We can ‘ t break the pattern.

I can ‘ t overemphasize enough how big a role patterns play in our lives.

Think about your daily routines and patterns and how off you feel those days that your routines are broken. Like if you always have breakfast before you head out the door and one day you just can ‘ t and how you just don ‘ t feel yourself for the rest of the day.

Now imagine this in relationship. When a relationship is new and good we establish patterns and routines with our partners. And those patterns and routines become entrenched in our brains. Breaking them can be nearly impossible.

Do you imagine what Christmas would be like without your partner? Or wonder who you would go to the movies with on Wednesdays? Those are the patterns that keep us with our toxic loves.

Interestingly, even the breaking up and getting back together gets routine. With my toxic relationship, I would break up with him and then, like clockwork, in 8 weeks he would reach out to me and before I knew it I was back where I started. I can ‘ t tell you how many times that happened.

I have since learned that if you can get past that 8 week mark you can break a pattern. And I can promise you that you will find someone else to go to the movies with on Wednesdays.

#4 – We blame ourselves.

One of the most insidious things about toxic love is that, after a while, we start to blame ourselves for everything that is going wrong.

I have a client whose husband had a relationship with one of their employees. For three years my client has asked her husband to fire that woman and for three years he has promised to and hasn ‘ t. She is beside herself and rightly so.

The thing is, her husband has done a remarkable job making her feel like their issues are HER fault. He says that if she could just let this go they could be happy. That she has no compassion for this other woman ‘ s children – what would they do if their mother had no income? Because of his accusations, she truly questions her mental health some days.

Do you blame yourself for not letting go of your toxic love? Do you believe that if you could just have been a little bit nicer or paid more attention to him or had sex with him when he wanted you to that everything would be just fine?

If yes, stop. Your man is making your life difficult and, while you might play a role in the situation, I can promise you that it ‘ s NOT all your fault.

#5 – We feel like our connection is like none other.

Do you believe that the relationship that you share with your man is like none other. That the intense passion and connection that you share can not compare with anyone else ‘ s relationship and that letting it go would be such a waste?

Let me tell you, EVERYONE feels that way about their relationship. I hate to burst your bubble but, while the love you have for this man might be strong, it ‘ s not the ultimate love in the world and letting go of it will not be the end of it.

As a matter of fact, if you can let go of your toxic love then you are WAY more likely to find a connection that is real and wonderful and magic.

I did.

Letting go of toxic love is very difficult. Probably one of the most difficult things you will ever have to do.

But letting go of toxic love is very important for a happy life. Can you imagine spending the rest of your life living with someone who makes your life miserable more often then he makes you happy?

Could you ever be happy if the rest of your life is the same as your life today?

I know that, for me, finally getting out of my toxic relationship gave me the time, strength and focus to build my business and my self-esteem. It made me understand that I could break patterns and not only survive but thrive. I learned that I was okay being alone and that while to me our love was special, really there is other, better love in this world.

So, what are you waiting for? Letting go of a toxic love is something that you can start doing right now!

If you have made it this far you must really be struggling to get away from a toxic love.
Let me help you, NOW, before the you get any more hurt!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

What Feeling Depressed Is Like From Someone Who’s Been There

/by


Do you want to know what feeling depressed is like? Are you struggling with your emotions and you just don’t know what they are? Let me tell you about what depression is like for me.

For as far back as I can remember I have been depressed. I didn ‘ t know that what I had was called depression – for me, I was carrying with me always a feeling of overwhelming hopelessness and dread.

Even as a young child, the prospect of doing anything, be it getting out of bed, going to school, playing with my friends, having dinner with my family, filled me with such a sense of unrelenting dread that I just couldn ‘ t do it.

I didn ‘ t know that I was different from everyone else. I didn ‘ t know that everyone else didn ‘ t hate their life as much as I did.

My mom used to come up to my room and yell at me for being such a loser because I didn ‘ t want to play with my friends or hang out with my family. It didn ‘ t take long for 10 year old me to start to believing her. That I was a loser. And it certainly didn ‘ t help me feel better.

My parents sent me to boarding school and, on the second night, someone handed me a bottle of vodka. I remember it like it was yesterday. I took one gulp – oh, how it burned – but suddenly, like magic, my feelings of hopelessness and dread disappeared. Life was just grand.

By the time I got to college I was a full-blown alcoholic. I would stay up for nights at a time, doing drugs. I would do whatever I could to put my life at risk. I would climb up on roofs, tripping on mushrooms. I would drive my car really fast on back roads, drunk. I didn ‘ t want to commit suicide but I would have been perfectly happy if I was dead.

In spite of the hopelessness I carried with me, I was living a productive life. I graduated from college and moved to San Francisco and got a dream job working in the catering department of The Four Seasons Hotel. I worked hard and partied hard.

And, in spite of the 100lb gorilla of hopelessness that I carried on my back, I lived a life that many would consider happy. I had a great job, a beau and friends. But I also was an alcoholic with a terrible secret.

My boyfriend and I got married and we moved to Maine. I had two children and I stopped drinking and doing drugs but I replaced those things (self-medication in retrospect) with being perfect. I was the perfect wife and the perfect mother and the perfect employee.

At the same time, I was working as hard as I could to stay ahead of the hopelessness and dread that I carried with me every day.

I never talked to anyone about how I was feeling. We New Englanders are tough and hell would have to freeze over before we would admit to any weakness. So, on I lived, parenting, selling real estate, managing our home.

I was fine.

And then, in 2004, we moved to Tokyo. Which was amazing. And horrible.

For the first time in my 39 years, I had nothing to do. My kids were at school and my husband was at work and I was at home, with no friends, no work, no life.

Everything caught up to me. I could no longer ignore that hopelessness and dread that I had been carrying with me for all these years.

I started drinking again and acting out sexually. I compulsively bought handbags on Ebay. I drove my car fast whenever I could. I was cranky and impatient and miserable.

And then, one day, to this day I don ‘ t know how it happened, I found myself in a closet, banging my head against the wall. I had no idea what was going on.

From my closet I managed to pick up my phone and call a friend. She came over and scooped me up, took me home and fed me apples and peanut butter while another friend found me a doctor.

It took that doctor 20 minutes to diagnose me with depression. I was 42 years old. I had been living with this gorilla for 42 years and it took one doctor 20 minutes to identify it and tell me what to do chase it away.

It ‘ s been 10 years since my diagnosis. Since then I have found the right medicine that works for me and I have developed coping skills for dealing with things when times get tough.

I do still get depressed occasionally, but not for long, because I have learned how to recognize when it is happening and manage it well. I take my meds religiously and take really, really good care of myself.

I am living well with depression but if I have one regret it ‘ s that I didn ‘ t seek out help earlier.

I have since learned that depression only gets worse the more it goes untreated. What if I had been diagnosed and treated back in my 20 ‘ s. Where in the world might I be now?

But I can ‘ t live with regrets. What I can live with is taking care of myself, managing my moods and building an amazing life for myself.

I AM living that wonderful life, one I am very thankful for every day, one with love and children and a community. I have this life because I pay attention and manage my moods and take care of myself. Some days I work hard but it’s worth it!

You can do it too! I promise.

Are you struggling with depression?
I know it’s really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

5 Questions People In Healthy Relationships Ask Each Other Every Day

/by


You know those times when you are standing in line for the movies and you see a couple in front of you who look just so ridiculously happy? And don ‘ t you think to yourself ‘ ˜I want that but how? ‘

People in healthy relationships don ‘ t know some secret that you don ‘ t know. What they do know are 5 questions that they ask each other every single day.

Let me tell you what they are ‘ ¦

#1 – Can I talk to you about something?

When your guy does something that upsets you, do you tell him? Or do you keep it inside and let it fester. Do you start to watch out for times that he does that thing again and let it piss you off every time?

People in the happiest relationships don ‘ t do that. They don ‘ t let things fester and grow bigger than they need to be.

People in the happiest relationships are strong enough to tell their partner when something upsets them so that they can work it out and move on. So that anger doesn ‘ t fester and threaten their happiness.

So be brave and honest. Talk to your partner. For the sake of your relationship.

#2 – Would you like to go do something together?

Do you seek out time to spend with your partner? Does he want to spend time with you? Do you have things that you enjoy doing together and do you do them?

People who are in the happiest relationships are people who make an effort to spend time together. I am not saying that you should spend ALL your time together but it is important that you and your guy share time and experiences. These things bring you closer together and keep your relationship healthy and happy.

So, ask your guy if he wants to go to the movies tonight. Have fun!

#3 – What can I do to make your life a better place?

When we first start out in a relationship, we make efforts every day to do things that make our partners happy. We bring them flowers, we let them borrow our car, we tell them how cute they are, we write them cards full of sweet nothings.

But as a relationship matures those things tend to fade away. The craziness of modern life makes us start to neglect our relationships because other things, like kids, jobs, parents, distract us. We always think that we can neglect our relationships and that they will still be there when we are ready to pay attention again but that isn ‘ t always true.

So, ask your partner what you can do for them. And be careful not to assume what they want you to do. Ask them. I used to make my husband lunch everyday as a way to show him that I loved him. What he wanted was hugs so, when he didn ‘ t get those, he didn ‘ t feel loved.

Ask your guy how you can make his world a better place. You will be happy you did.

#4 – Have I told you today how much I love you?

If there is one thing that I hear most from my unhappily married couples its, when I ask them if they tell their partner they love them, they say ‘ ˜Oh, he knows I love him. I don ‘ t have to tell him. ‘

Yeah, this is not necessarily so.

Relationships are long and they can be fraught with challenges. And when those challenges become harder to deal with people start to question their partner ‘ s devotion. And those questions can cause the slow demise of a heathy relationship.

So, tell your partner you love him every day.

#5 – Will you please give me a hug?

Many married couples I know not only never have sex but very rarely even touch each other.

They say that couples who hug each other for 10 contiguous seconds a day are happier than couples who don ‘ t. That is because physical closeness is key for any happy relationship.

So, let your guy know that you want to touch him. I can guarantee that he will be happy to accommodate you. For guys, touch is way more important than words so if you can just give him a hug, especially after a disagreement, you will be going a long way towards giving him what he wants.

Being in a healthy relationship is the goal for everyone. It ‘ s the stuff that fairy tales are made of and who doesn ‘ t want the fairy tale.

But having a happy relationship doesn ‘ t just happen. It takes dedication and intention.

So, ask your partner if you can talk, if they want to play, if you can make their life a better place, if they know how much you care and if a hug might be in the cards.

Ask questions to make your relationship the happiest that it can be.

You can do it!

Do you need help with your relationship?
Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

Connect with Mitzi

© Copyright 2024 – Let Your Dreams Begin