5 Tips For Surviving Infidelity As The Cheater

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Have you recently had an affair, or perhaps are you in the middle of one? If you are I know you ‘ re struggling, looking for ideas for surviving infidelity as the cheater.

I have had many clients who have had affairs and, while from the outside they might seem sexy and exciting, from the inside they ‘ re scary, overwhelming and fraught with guilt. That ‘ s not to say the sex isn ‘ t good but the guilt that comes with having an affair can sometimes be more than you can bear.

Fortunately, I have many clients who have been able to let go of the guilt they struggle with, people who see that surviving infidelity as the cheater is possible. Let me help you do the same.

#1 – Know that you are only human.

One thing that we all forget about is that we are only human.

We are raised to think that we are special, that we are different, that we can handle things that other people can ‘ t. And while to some extent this might be true, because everybody IS different, the truth of the matter is that we are all only human and we make mistakes.

People who have affairs are People who are often not happy with their lives. More likely than not, people who have affairs are struggling both in their personal lives and in their relationships. They don ‘ t feel good about themselves and/or they are struggling to find happiness with their partner.

It ‘ s a horrible, horrible place to be and, if you are in that place, what I suggest is that you cut yourself some slack. You are only human. You are going to make mistakes.

You are a person in the world, one trying to manage the insecurity and unhappiness in your life in a way that allows you to survive. Some people drink too much, some people eat too much, some people drive their cars too fast and some people have affairs.

You are not alone in the world. Plenty of other people are having affairs right now and feeling the same sort of guilt you are. So, let yourself off the hook, know that you are a good person but that you have made a bad choice.

We all make bad choices sometimes and none of us should be forever condemned for it.

#2 – Know that it ‘ s not all your fault.

I know you think that this affair is all your fault. You are the one who met someone else, developed a connection with that person and perhaps embarked down the road to a sexual relationship. Yes, you did that.

But you didn ‘ t do it in a void. As I stated above, people who are having affairs are often people who are deeply unhappy in their relationship. And they aren ‘ t the only person in that relationship.

Relationships are comprised of two people and two people are responsible when relationships start to suffer. Perhaps your husband works all the time and you are lonely. Or perhaps your wife has become detached and refuses to talk to you. You feel like you ‘ ve tried to fix things but you haven ‘ t had much success.

Most people don ‘ t intend to have affairs. They just happen. And they happen when people are vulnerable. All of my clients who have had affairs are people who were in a relationship that wasn ‘ t working and it wasn ‘ t working because the TWO people in the relationship were not willing, or able, to repair it. And then infidelity can happen.

Yesterday, I was talking to a client of mine who carries a tremendous amount of guilt about an affair he had and I asked him to think about why he had an affair. What was going on in his relationship that gave him the space to have an affair? He responded by saying ‘ ˜Nothing. My wife is perfect and the affair was all my fault. ‘ I pushed back and we dug a little deeper and we realized that she repeatedly did things that made him feel insecure about himself and that led him to move towards someone who thought he was amazing.

So, please try to understand that your affair is not all your fault. Understanding that will help you manage the guilt that you are struggling with.

#3 – Get some support.

For many people who have had affairs, the prospect of reaching out to get some professional help is unthinkable.

People who have had affairs are racked with guilt and self-loathing and to admit what they have done just seems more then they can bear.

I can promise you that therapists, psychologists and life coaches have seen it all and will absolutely not judge you if you disclose that you ‘ re having an affair. I can promise you that they will look at you with understanding and be able to help you do the work that needs be done to help you manage your guilt.

Another source of excellent help are others who have also survived infidelity. Only people who have experienced infidelity can really understand what it ‘ s all about. Having someone who has been through it can help you understand and manage your emotions in a way that will help you let it go.

Find a support group for people who have survived infidelity. The sharing could change your life.

Please, reach out today. Don ‘ t go through this alone.

#4 – Shut things down.

The key piece of surviving the guilt of infidelity is to stop being unfaithful.

You can use all the techniques that I have described above and they will help you manage your guilt but they won ‘ t help you let it go completely.

The only way to stop truly feeling guilty about having an affair is to stop having one.

I know, I know. That ‘ s way easier said than done. But it is possible and doing so is the best thing that you can do to stop that guilt cold in it tracks.

#5 – Rebuild your relationship.

Rebuilding your relationship after having affair might seem like an impossible thing to do, and it just might be, but if you can do it successfully you have the best chance of surviving the guilt of infidelity.

Think about when you are doing a project and you make a big mistake and everything goes wrong but in the end the project is successful. It ‘ s the same thing with a marriage that has been rocked by infidelity. The rocking doesn ‘ t have to cause the ship to sink. If you can manage the rock and keep the relationship afloat and moving forward then all ‘ s well that ends well.

Imagine how good it would feel to be back in your relationship, safe, solid and happy.

Right now, surviving infidelity as the cheater might seem impossible but it doesn ‘ t have to be.

I know for days, weeks, months or perhaps longer you have been racked with the guilt of what you are doing but it doesn ‘ t have to be that way.

Recognize that you are only human, know that it ‘ s not all your fault, get yourself some help, end your affair and work to rebuild your relationship.

If you can do these things then you will survive the guilt of your transgression and might even end up in a better relationship as a result. How great would that be?

Get started now. You can do it!

Are you really struggling with surviving infidelity as the cheater?
Let me help, NOW, before it’s too late!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

7 Traits Of Toxic People That You Shouldn’t Ignore

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If you are in a toxic relationship and are looking for personality traits of toxic people to help you manage it, let me help!

We all have them in our life – toxic people.

Whether it ‘ s a boss or a co-worker, a family member or a lover, we all have people in our life who we know only bring us down. And, unfortunately, for many of us, these toxic people bring us down every day.

The best way to avoid, or get rid of, the toxic people in our lives is to know what kind of personality traits they exhibit and to learn how to deal with them.

Fortunately, toxic people are fairly easy to identify, if you know what to look for. Of course, if your person has one or more of these personality traits that doesn ‘ t automatically mean they are toxic but, if you are reading this article I am guessing you are thinking they might be.

#1 – Self centeredness

Many toxic people are totally about themselves.

Everything that happens in the world, the good and the bad, is a reflection on them. They truly believe that they are the center of the universe and that everyone and everything should put their needs second to them.

Because of their self-centeredness, toxic people are simply incapable of reading the feelings of others, of having any concern that they might be causing pain. They have no interest in looking out for the needs of another person and would never put their needs above their own.

I have a client whose partner is as self-centered as they come. He pushes his girl away when he needs ‘ ˜time ‘ and then draws her back in when he wants her. He has done this over and over and she blames herself – if only she was good enough he would stay. But it ‘ s not about her. It ‘ s about him.

My client and I have been working on identifying the self-centeredness of her partner and, with that awareness, that he is incapable of putting someone other than himself first, she is seeing that their relationship problem is on him and not her. And that is giving her the strength to walk away, as all people should do in toxic relationships.

#2 – Insecurity

Many toxic people are paralyzingly insecure. And it is this insecurity that brings about toxicity.

With my same client, her guy had a horrible childhood with his father disappearing and his mother struggling with difficult relationships. He started drinking young, has a hard time staying employed and is chronically unfaithful. I think he knows that he has failed on many levels and it consumes him.

How does this make him toxic? Because of his insecurity, he is quick to blame others for his failings. He lashes out at people who let him down. He finds it hard to believe that anyone could ever love him so he will not commit to loving someone else.

So how do you deal with an insecure person? Again, awareness is an important part of it. And you can ‘ t make someone who is insecure secure by telling them they are wonderful. What you can do is make your person feel safe and help them gain security by helping them find successes. If you can do that, you could help you person manage their insecurity and, therefore, their toxicity.

#3 – Possessiveness

People who are toxic are often very possessive.

People who are possessive don ‘ t like to share their friends or their lovers with other people. They hold on tight to someone who might try to live their own life, sometimes causing those people to become alienated from others.

My client ‘ s partner would push back every time she wanted to go out and spend time with friends. He would make up excuses as to why she had to be with him or he would pretend that he was sick to make her stay home. If those things didn ‘ t work, he would fly into a rage and insist that she stay and not go. More often than not, she complied.

If your person is possessive, a good thing to do at the first sign of it is to talk it through. Your person needs to understand, from the beginning, that you will have your own life and that you will always want to do things on your own.

If you person doesn ‘ t like that, leave them. Immediately!

#4 – Controlling

Toxic people are very often controlling. They insist on managing how their partner acts, what they wear, what they eat, who they hang out with etc.

People’s need to control and their possessiveness are often the result of their insecurities. They believe that if their person is out of their sight they will lose them. As a result, they do whatever they can to control the actions of their partner.

My client ‘ s partner insisted that she always texted him every morning when she woke up, during her coffee break, at lunch, on her way home from work and at bedtime. If she didn ‘ t do so, he would blow up her phone, wondering why she hadn ‘ t reached out.

My client timidly did exactly what her partner wanted her to do. She figured that he did it because he loved her – not because he was trying to control her. Once I pointed out what he was doing she recognized the effect it was having on her and stopped doing what he wanted just to keep the peace.

#5 – Easily angered

People who are toxic are usually very angry. It doesn ‘ t take much to trigger them into a rage. Because they are working so hard to control their world, even the smallest thing can ‘ t set them off.

My client ‘ s partner would often rage at her about the smallest thing. The not texting was just one of many examples. And she lived in constant fear of his anger – it was scary and upsetting. Walking around on eggshells was exhausting.

Anger is one of those personality traits that you can ‘ t do anything about. You can encourage your partner to get help, which they may or may not do. You can also leave them. That might seem scary but getting away from a person with anger issues might be the smartest thing you ever do.

#6 – Meanness

One very significant personality traits of a toxic person is that they are mean. Not just unpleasant but mean.

I had a boss once who was constantly insulting the people who worked for him. He would cut them down at staff meetings, undermine them with the clients, belittle them for shoddy work habits and continually mock the way they dressed. As you can imagine, the work environment was toxic.

So how to you deal with a mean person? Once again, you can quit your job or leave your lover. You can also choose how to manage your reactions to that person. You know that their default reaction is meanness. If you know that, perhaps you can moderate your reaction to them – you can recognize that what they say is more about them then it is about you.

Doing so might mitigate the damage done by their toxic words and action.

#7 – Passive aggressiveness

I believe the most common personality trait of toxic people is passive aggressiveness.

Passive aggressiveness is defined as behavior characterized by the expression of negative feelings, resentment, and aggression in an unassertive passive way (as through procrastination and stubbornness) ‘

Passive aggressive people don ‘ t come out and say what they mean or what they want. They hint and suggest and they undermine and pry. Whatever they need to do to get you to act in a certain way or do something with directly asking or taking responsibility.

The reason that I believe that passive aggressive people are the most compelling personality trait of toxic people is because passive aggressive people manipulate others to get what they want and that in and of itself is toxic.

So how do you deal with a passive aggressive person? I encourage my clients to talk to their person about their passive aggressive tendencies and to not allow themselves to be manipulated. If they can do that, they might raise awareness in their partner of their manipulative ways and they can work together to change them.

The personality traits of toxic people are ones that are key to notice if you want to be happy in this world.

Toxic people bring us down every day. Not matter how hard we work to make our lives a better place, we have no control over what toxic people bring into our lives.

Having some awareness that toxic people are self-centered, insecure, possessive, controlling, angry, mean and passive aggressive will help you identify those who you want to stay away from and give you some information to manage those who are already in your life.

Life is too short to let your happiness be hampered by toxic people.

5 Important Things to Know About Someone Before You Start Dating Them

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Did you know that there are important things to know about someone before you start dating them that will set you up for relationship success?

I know that it seems very practical and unromantic but knowing some key things is the way to finding lasting happiness.

We all go into our first dates hoping for the best. Hoping that this will be the ONE who will end our lonely days forever.

And with that hope comes an eagerness to get to know someone but it also comes with a reluctance to ask questions.

Why? Because we often don ‘ t want to know the answers.

It ‘ s important to know a few basic facts about someone before you commit to spending more time developing a relationship. Without knowing the facts, you could miss some serious red flags and waste a HUGE amount of time in your search for the ONE.

And we don ‘ t want that.

#1 – Are they married?

Seriously? You need to ask that question and get a straight answer? The answer is a resounding YES!

You would be amazed at how many married people out there want to date other people. Some of them are in open marriages and some of them just want to fool around. Either way you want to know the answer.

If the answer is yes, you need to decide if you want to be involved with a married person. Being involved with a married person brings with it a multitude of issues, most notably making it very difficult for you to find the ONE, no matter what he tells you.

And that is the goal right? Finding the ONE?

#2 – How long have they been single?

Once you know they are single, it ‘ s important to know how long they have been single.

As a general rule of thumb, we experts recommend that you not date someone who has been divorced within the last two years. Divorce wreaks havoc that regular break ups do not and the recovery period is longer. A newly divorced person just won ‘ t be ready for you, in spite of what they might think.

If your potential partner has just gone through a non-marriage break up that could also be a red flag. Someone who is newly out of a relationship could be, consciously or unconsciously, looking for a rebound relationship. You do NOT want to be the rebound person.

Ideally, your prospective mate would be someone who has been single for a period of time, not just because they have had time to recover from a break up but because it ‘ s more likely that they are no longer attached to the person they broke up with.

Nobody wants to date someone who is still holding a torch for someone else, do they?

#3 – Are they employed?

One of the first questions we ask when we meet anyone is ‘ What do you do? ‘ It ‘ s what Americans do. And it can be a tough question to answer, especially in this day and age when people do a variety of things at once.

A more important question is ‘ Are you currently working? ‘

The reasons you want to know the answer to this question? Because you want to know if they are financially and emotionally secure.

Financial security is obvious. No one wants to get involved with someone who can ‘ t carry his or her weight financially. The emotional security is a tougher one.

People who are unemployed are often in a delicate position emotionally. They could be actively seeking work and unable to find any. They could be thinking that the work out there is below them and refuse to compromise. They could have had issues at an old job that continue on into new jobs. All of these situations could lead to insecurity and low self-esteem.

Insecurity and low self-esteem are not things that lend themselves well to a healthy relationship. And DON ‘ T think that you can fix them because you can ‘ t.

So, ask not only ‘ What do you do ‘ but ‘ Where do you do it? ‘

#4 – Do they get along with their family?

Really? Knowing how someone gets along with his or her family is important?

The family is the fundamental relationship of someone ‘ s life and how they interact with that family is important to know.

If your date talks about the close relationship he has with his siblings and that his mother drives him nuts but that he talks to her every Sunday then you know that this person is capable of a healthy emotional connection.

If your date talks about the family that lives across the country who he hasn ‘ t seen in years then it is possible the deep emotional connection might be more difficult for him. Why? Because the basic human connection that we make as children influences who we are as grown ups. And someone who has a rough relationship with his family could be tough to truly connect with.

So, ask the question and listen carefully to the answer.

#5 – Do they have kids?

This one is SO important because kids change everything.

Kids can, more than any other single thing, affect a relationship because kids are, more often than not, THE priority. They will be made the priority above you every single time. Every single time.

And maybe that ‘ s okay with you. Maybe you have kids too and understand the priorities. Or maybe you are willing to make his kids your priority as well.

But maybe it ‘ s not. Maybe you want to always be first or maybe you just aren ‘ t ready to have kids. And that ‘ s okay.

So, ask the question. Because kids will always come first, no matter what you might tell yourself going in.

Dating is time consuming and emotionally fraught and really you don ‘ t want to waste even one minute on someone who raises any red flags at all. Red flags should be noted and acted on.

Make an effort to find out the important things to know about someone before you start dating them. Are they married, do they have a job, do they have kids, do they like their family? These are all things you need to know!

Ask the questions. Get your answers early. Get your answers so you can decide to fish or cut bait right away. Because there are other fish in the sea. Fish who might be better for you. And tastier.

5 Things to Know About Surviving a Break Up

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Have you and your person suddenly ended your relationship? Are you devastated? Are you looking for things to know about surviving a break up?

Surviving a break up is possible. It will be painful and your recovery might not be as quick as you would like it to be but you will recover and life will go on, as good, if not better, than before.

I have written many blogs about things you can do that are key to surviving a break up. Now here are some things that are good to know about surviving a break up – things that might make your recovery just a little bit easier.

#1. Its ok to be sad.

So many of my clients are so very angry at themselves for being sad about a break up.

In our modern times, it’s a weakness to be sad, to cry, to be anything less than strong and self-assured. Unfortunately, there is nothing worse than a broken heart and I don’t know one person in the history of the world who hasn’t felt pain after a breakup.

Furthermore, it’s okay to be sad for more than a few days. Have any of your friends told you to suck it up and get over it? Are you beating yourself for still letting this breakup make you so sad? Well don’t.

Like any traumatic event or illness, getting over a broken heart takes time. Americans absolutely suck at taking their time getting over something. As soon as things are even just a little bit better, we believe that we need to jump up and get back to our lives, fully intact. But it just doesn’t work that way.

Let yourself be sad and let yourself be sad for a while. Don’t wallow but recognize your feelings and let them happen. If you stuff them down it will be even harder to get past them.

#2. Your thoughts can derail you.

Our very worst enemy, even in the best of times, are our brains. Our brains produce pesky thoughts that can drive us down to the darkest place. And, unless we are aware of them, our thoughts can make surviving a break up even more difficult.

One of the most common worries that I hear from my clients is that their person, their broken person who was making their lives miserable, will find someone else and suddenly become perfect. That all of the issues that they struggled with will be magically cured with their new lover.

This just doesn’t happen. People aren’t magically cured when they find love. They might feel like they are cured in the short term but the reality is is that people don’t change unless they do their work. So, don’t let the thought of your ex now being perfect derail your recovery. Even if you see them looking picture perfect on Instagram, know that they will always be who they are, unless they try to change.

Another thing that derails us is that the pain of a break up is so bad that the only thing that can fix it is getting back together. And, of course, getting back together will ease your pain for a day or two but, sooner than later, the pain of the relationship will return and you will be right back where you started.

A third thing that can really mess with your head is believing that you are less of a person because of this break up. That you are a failure and completely unloveable and that you just gave up and should have been stronger. But, really, there were two people in that relationship and if you both weren’t willing to do the work, to give each other what you needed, then it just wasn’t fixable. You couldn’t singlehandedly keep the relationship going.

Pay attention to your thoughts. If nasty ones pop up, push back against them. Question their reality.  Don’t let those pesky thoughts derail all of your hard recovery work.

#3 – Stalking wont be helpful.

One of the things that can completely derail surviving a break up is stalking your ex.

When I was younger the only thing that we could do if a guy broke up with us was to drive around to bars and hang outs and hope that we would see him. Chances were usually slim.

These days, it’s incredibly easy to keep tabs on your ex. Social media is at our fingertips always and the inclination to get a little fix of what we lost can be irresistible.

BUT, let me ask you ““ how do you feel after you stalk your ex? Do you ever feel better? No? Shocking.

Stalking is the worst thing that you can do if you are trying to get over your ex. Recovery gets easier the longer you have no contact with your person and that includes seeing them on social media.

So, resist the urge to snoop. If you have to, unfriend or unfollow your ex. And remember, the person who is posting on Instagram isn’t necessarily sharing a true vision of themselves. How many times have you posted an inspirational quote when you were feeling really shitty?

Yeah, me too.

#4 Don’t play the victim.

When we are broken hearted it’s very easy to take on the role of victim.

We feel like our person did us wrong and that they are horrible people and that we didn’t deserve what we got from them. Perhaps we believe that we weren’t at fault and that the breakup was unwarranted. And, perhaps, all of those things are true.  You still don’t want to play the victim.

Being a victim means giving up your power. Being a victim allows you to wallow in self-pity and not take responsibility for your actions.

A client of mine asked his wife for a divorce. She didn’t want one and refused to participate in any of the divorce proceedings. She didn’t hire a lawyer, didn’t show up in court, refused to negotiate and the judge ultimately declared a default divorce decree.

Where did that leave my client’s wife? Sitting in her house, wallowing in her victimhood having taken no active role in deciding her future. When my husband left me, I stood up for myself, declared myself better off without him and then took him to the cleaners.

I encourage you to take a good look at yourself and assess your self-pity. Are you feeling like a victim? If you are, get up from this article, look in the mirror and decide that no one is going to make you feel like less than you are. No one is going to take away your power.

#5. Know that you will find love someday.

The number one thing I hear from my clients is that they believe that they will never love or be loved again.

They believe that their person was the only one for them, that they could never find someone they could love as much as their ex. Or they believe that they aren’t worth being loved and how could they ever find someone who could love them.

Even more, the thought of dating again fills them with anxiety and fear. How on earth are they going to do that, especially feeling the way they do right now?

Let me PROMISE you that you will find love again. Do you know anyone who has been alone forever? Even if you know someone who has been alone for a while, they haven’t been alone forever. There is someone else out there for them and for you!

So, believe that you will love again. There is someone out there waiting for you to recover from this breakup and when you find each other all of the suffering will have been worth it!

I know that right now you believe that surviving a break up is close to impossible but I promise you it’s not.

If you can keep in mind that it’s ok to be sad, that your thoughts can derail you, that stalking is always bad idea, that you will be loved again some day then your road to recover can be a speedy one.

And, most importantly, don’t play the victim. Don’t let your ex take your power away. Stand up for yourself and remember who you are! Because you are amazing!

Are you really struggling with surviving a break up?
Let me help, NOW, before it gets out of control!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

5 Reasons Why Poor Boundaries In Marriage Are A Recipe For Disaster

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Are you newly married and have you been told that poor boundaries in marriage can be a recipe for disaster?

Do you want to do whatever you can to keep your special bond intact but do you have no idea what marriage boundaries are or where to start?

Fortunately, I have helped many couples establish and stick to boundaries in their marriage so that things don ‘ t go awry. Let me help you!

To understand healthymarriage boundaries look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds your life together. They hold your food and your bed and your possessions and it ‘ s where you live your life.

Healthy marriage boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your marriage as it matures. To have a healthy relationship, one that can grow and be fruitful, it is important that it has structures, boundaries, that support it.

Conversely, poor marriage boundaries can make the wall of your house weak and susceptible to damage and destruction. That you don ‘ t want.

Healthy marriage boundaries come in many shapes, sizes and colors. It ‘ s important for each couple to decide what works for them to keep their marriage safe and strong.

Let ‘ s talk about some boundaries and why your marriage could be damaged if they aren ‘ t set up as soon as possible

#1 – Be true to yourself.

For many people, when they are married, they become less of themselves.

Many people, men and women take on their spouse ‘ s friendships, their hobbies and their ways of doing things. And losing yourself in another person is a recipe for disaster.

It is VERY important that all peoplestay themselveswhen in a relationship.

Why? Because every healthy relationship is based on truth and if you are anything other than your true self your marriage will never be really healthy.

It is also important that you continue to respect yourself and you will respect yourself by being yourself. By continuing to have your friends, to do your own hobbies, to have a career that you love and a healthy lifestyle that serves you, you will wake up every day feeling good about yourself.

And when you feel good about yourself your partner will love you even more because he knows you are being your true self, someone who is ambitious and smart and willing to take risks to get what she wants.

So be yourself in your relationship. Ahealthy marriagerequires it.

#2 – Let go of rigidity.

I have a client whose new husband moved into a house that she already owned. Right away they had issues because it was her house and she wanted to do things her way and that just wasn ‘ t okay with him. So, what did they do? They set up boundaries around how things were done, agreeing that each person could have some autonomy around certain things and that each of them might have final say in others.

You know the phrase ‘ My way or the highway? ‘ That phrase has no place in any healthy marriage because there are two people in the relationship and compromise is essential to maintaining balance and satisfaction.

It is important that everyone be flexible in a relationship. Just like you would at work or with your family, it is important to work with your partner so that you can both live a life that is authentic to you.

So, embrace flexibility. Choose the things that are important to you and stay true to them but be willing to see what might be important to your man and work with him so that you both can live a life that makes you happy. Together and apart.

#3 – Maintain mutual respect.

One of the biggest romance killers in a marriage is lack of respect and contempt. It is important that, from the beginning, you agree to always treat each other well.

The saying ‘ ˜familiarity breeds contempt ‘ is an accurate one and something that happens in many marriages over the years.

It is important in every relationship that you each respect each other. Respect each other within the confines of your relationship by speaking to each other honestly, sharing your feelings and needs in an open way. By not attacking each other personally and criticizing each other ‘ s behaviors and actions.

Furthermore, it ‘ s important to not criticize your partner out in the world. The general rule of thumb is that you not tell something about your partner to anyone that you haven ‘ t already shared with your partner.

When I was married, I talked to my friends WAY more about the problems in my marriage than I did to my husband. This didn ‘ t do our relationship any good because we weren ‘ tcommunicatingand giving our relationship a chance to improve. And when we were together I treated my husband with contempt because I no longer respected him.

I am no longer married.

So, make sure you agree early on to treat each other with respect, both inside and outside the relationship.

#4 – Keep the power dynamic even.

In many marriages it happens that at some point one person becomes the one calling the shots. And while this seems to work on one level, ultimately the relationship will become uneven. And when power dynamics are unequal, a marriage can be damaged.

Make an effort to keep the decision making even in your marriage. If you are good at organizing your social life then do that but give him opportunity to choose events. If he is good at managing the finances let him do that but continue to have input into where the money goes and why.

Letting your marriage ‘ s playing field become uneven allows it to slip into a sort of parent/child dynamic, where one person is in charge and the other does as they are told. Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you?

Not so much.

#5 – Spend time apart.

When they are falling in love, couples want to spend every available minute together. The feelings that accompany falling in love are addictive and hard to walk away from even for a short while.

It is important, however, that you spend time apart from the one you love because too much togetherness can lead to neglect- to taking each other for granted, for losing oneself and for alienating close friends and family. None of those things can lead to a happy marriage.

You know the old saying ‘ ˜absence makes the heart grow fonder? ‘ It ‘ s true!

Think about how you feel when you go on a diet. How you can ‘ t eat ice cream for a month while you lose those 5 pounds and, man, do you miss your ice cream. It ‘ s the same thing in a relationship. Stepping away from your partner, even for a bit, makes you both notice the void that is created in his or her absence.

And then the heart grows fonder.

So, spend some time apart. Be yourself. Miss each other. Value each other. Keep that spark alive.

Poor boundaries in marriage can be a recipe for disaster.

Marriages are built by two people who have two separate lives and two separate ways of living. It is important that the couple build a new life together. A new life with four walls that will keep it safe and strong.

So, don ‘ t let one of you be in charge, respect each other, like yourself, spend time apart and be flexible.

At the beginning of your marriage, make it a priority with your partner and build your house from a place of love and beauty and self-confidence, one that will be strong enough to stand the test of time and allow your marriage to be a healthy one.

You can do it!

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must be very worried that poor boundaries in marriage could be a disaster.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before things start to go wrong.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

Why Letting Go of a Past Love Is Important for Future Happiness

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Are you really struggling with letting go of a past love? Are you sure that your ex was the only person for you and that you could never possibly be happy again?

I get it! The pain that you are in now is pain that is intense and feels like it will never end.

But it can! If you want it to.

If you are determined and ready to take the next steps and work on letting go of a past love, you will give yourself a chance at true love and happiness.

Is that hard to imagine that it ‘ s possible? Let me tell you why ‘ ¦

#1 – You will know what you want.

For many of us, the time after we have broken up with someone we loved is a time of real reflection.

Whether we did the breaking up or were broken up with, one way to manage pain is to take a good hard look at what happened and what we really want.

What have you learned from your past love?

Over the course of my post-divorce dating years I fell in love many times. None of them lasted, for a variety of reasons. And while I was at times broken hearted, with every break up I learned more and more about what I wanted.

I wanted someone who could make me feel special, who was smart and funny and honest, who had a great relationship with this family and who knew who he was. As I let go of each of these men, I was able to take another step towards knowing myself and what I wanted in the world – and thereby find true happiness.

#2 – You can focus on what ‘ s in front of you.

Have you tried dating since your break up? Has it been an unmitigated disaster because you can ‘ t help but think about your ex and everything that you have lost?

Are you given great new career opportunities or the chance to travel and you don ‘ t take them because you are too focused on your broken heart and maybe getting your lover back?

Are your friends there to go dancing but you can ‘ t join them because you are wallowing?

Letting go of a past love, in spite of the pain and the lost hopes, will allow you to lift your head and focus on the opportunities for happiness that are put in front of you.

If you don ‘ t, you will be destined to be miserable. And life is too short to be miserable.

#3 – You will stop comparing.

When we are in a new relationship and we have not yet been able to let go of an old one, it is very difficult to stop yourself from comparing the two.

If your new guy isn ‘ t as funny as your old, you will hold that against him, even if he is funny in his own way. If the sex isn ‘ t as good, you could shut down instead of giving it a chance to improve, as sex lives often do. If he doesn ‘ t make as much money as your old guy you might think he isn ‘ t good enough for you, completely ignoring that he knows who he is because he does work that feels good.

Another thing that happens with people who struggle with letting go of a past love is that we hold on to our ‘ ˜issues. ‘ Our ‘ ˜baggage. ‘

If we were lied to by our ex, we are always worried that our new person will lie to us. If your old guy ignored you when you were at parties, you will stress out if your new person leaves your side even for a minute.

Letting go of a past love allows us to also let go of the damage that they did to us. And if we can do so, we will have a much better chance at future happiness, both in love and life!

#4 – You will no longer suffer.

Imagine if you no longer suffered with the pain that you are suffering with right now.

Imagine how good it would feel to get up in the morning and not get that stab of pain when you remember that you are alone.

Imagine going out with friends, not always hoping that you might see your guy, only to be disappointed if you don ‘ t.

Letting go of a past love will help alleviate that pain. If we can let go of the hopes and dreams, of the thousand little cuts and the things that made us so unhappy, then we will stop suffering and open ourselves up to the possibility of happiness.

If pain is your constant companion, happiness will be elusive. So, work hard to let go and move on, move on towards the life of your dreams.

#5 – You can truly let someone in.

Many of my clients jump right back into dating after a break up. And while I encourage people to date again when they are ready, I don ‘ t encourage them to quickly fall back in love.

Trying to give yourself to someone when you are still attached to another is almost impossible. If your heart belongs to someone else, letting another person in, allowing them to truly love you, is a fruitless effort.

You can try to fake it til you make it but ultimately you are doing both of you a disservice, wasting time that could be spent healing.

Imagine how it would feel to truly love and be loved again. To have someone make you feel like the world was yours for the taking, who would stand by you through thick and thin and who would support you in everything you do.

You can have that, and more, if you are successful at letting go of a past love. I promise.

Letting go of a past love might seem simply impossible in this moment. But you can do it!

Being inspired to get the life that you want, one where pain is not your constant companion, where you know what you want, where you won ‘ t compare and you can let someone in is the best way to get started on the hard work of letting go of a love that wasn ‘ t serving you.

If you can do that – if you can beat the pain and move forward, then you can, and will, live happily ever after!

I know it. I have been there!

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really need to let go of someone who doesn’t love you.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before you get even more stuck.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

How to Stop Hurting after a Breakup

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Are you wondering how to stop hurting after a breakup?

Have you worked hard to get out of a relationship that wasn ‘ t serving you? Are you feeling overwhelmed by emotion and the empty space that is the result letting go of your love?

Or were you walked out on and struggling to understand why and get past it?

You are not alone. Getting past a break up is hard but not impossible.

Here are some things that you can do that can really help.

#1 – Take stock.

One of the first thing I tell all of my clients, when they have to walk away from someone they love, is to take stock of the reasons that their relationship wasn ‘ t working. Make a list – a list of all of the reasons why they needed to walk away from that person or the things that they knew weren ‘ t working, the reasons why they might have been broken up with.

When we spend time with someone, we are regularly exposed to those things that remind us that we need to walk away. When we finally get away from that person, those things tend to recede into our memory. They get replaced in the forefront of our mind with the good things, the good times, all the things that we loved about that person.

And, with the good things at the front of our minds, we are vulnerable to returning to the relationship that is causing us pain.

So, make a list. Make a list of everything that you can think of that has caused the breakup. Keep that list close and refer to it when you are missing him. And keep the list in case he comes back, begging for forgiveness.

You left this relationship for a reason. Keep that reason in mind daily going forward. He left this relationship for a reason – make him work to get your back. A list will help you with both.

#2 – Go cold turkey.

There is nothing more tempting, when you are missing your lost love, then to stalk him or her.

Unfortunately, these days there are so many ways to keep tabs on a lost love – social media has made it all so easy. And keeping tabs on a lost love makes it really hard to let go and move on.

I know that it doesn ‘ t seem like that big of a deal, to take a quick peak at your lost love ‘ s feed, but you know, as well as I do, that there is a chance you could see something on there that you just don ‘ t want to see. Perhaps him out there, having fun without you, doing something that you used to do together, or even doing it with someone else. And seeing any or all of those things could send you into a tail spin.

So, eliminate all ties to your loved one on social media. Block him on your phone. Don ‘ t ask your mutual friends about what he is doing. Tell yourself that he has moved to Mars and that you will never see him again.

You will be glad you did.

#3 – Make yourself a priority.

Ok, so you are single again and you suddenly find yourself with lots of free time. And you might also find yourself craving a lot of ice cream.

Now is not the time to sit around, watching Netflix and eating ice cream. While those things might be fun in the moment, in the long run they will only make you feel worse.

The best thing that you can do for yourself right now is to exercise and take care of yourself. When you are going through a hard time, the number one thing that can make you feel better is the endorphins that are created through exercise. Those chemicals will actually make you feel very different from the sad and lonely person you might feel like right now.

Furthermore, if you get enough sleep and eat well, your body will feel strong and it will help with your healing.

And, best of all, taking care of yourself will make you look hot, way hotter than you might look if you only indulged in Netflix and ice cream. And looking good is an excellent way to win your break up. Imagine the look on his face when he sees you next!

So, again, this is the time to take care of yourself. Don ‘ t let yourself fall apart. The pulling yourself back together will be so much more difficult if you do.

#4 – Do something big.

Another thing to do with all of that free time is to start doing something that you have always wanted to do. Don ‘ t sit around feeling sorry for your empty space – do something with it.

A client of mine broke up with a man she loved desperately but who couldn ‘ t commit to her. She was devastated. I asked her to name a few things that she had always wanted to do. One of the things that she came up with was writing.

In this day and age, it is quite possible to write and get what you write out to the masses without going through the process of publishing a book or getting a magazine to publish your article. You can simply write a blog and post it to a variety of platforms available online.

My client started writing about her broken heart, what happened, her insights about what she could have done differently, the way she felt with him gone from her life. It was hard work for her, emotionally, but soon she started to get a following. Other women who were going through the same things appreciated her written words and started commenting on her articles. As a result, she built a small community of women who supported each other through the rough times.

What is it that you have always wanted to do? Pick one thing and start doing it. You have the time. Life is short. Don ‘ t waste it!

#5 – Reconnect with old friends ‘ ¦and make new ones.

For many of us, relationships mean that we disconnected with people who might previously have been a big part of our lives. None of us do it intentionally, or with malice, but it does happen. And those friends are still out there.

Make an effort to reach out to those friends, the friends who knew you ‘ ˜before. ‘ They will be happy to have you back and happy to support you getting through this time.

Also, now is a great time to make new friends. I have a client who is using Bumble BFF, an app for women to connect with other women,to find some new friends, ones who are single and want to get out and do things like she does. She has connected with some amazing women in just a few weeks.

People are a great way to get you through a tough time. And you have lots of people. Reach out and find them again.

Knowing how to stop hurting after a breakup is an essential way to get past it.

Having a plan is always the best course of action, I believe, much better than TV and junk food and hours spent dreading the future.

So, now that you have read this article, get up off the couch. Get a notebook and make a list of all of the reasons that you broke up with your guy. Keep it close. Block your guy on your phone and on every social media platform you are connect on. Get out there and exercise. Do somethings that you have always wanted to do. Reconnect with old friends. Fill your calendar with things that will make you happy and disconnect from the guy you had to let go.

I know it doesn ‘ t seem possible but life does not end with a break up. Rather, it begins again. It is up to you to take advantage of this new beginning and make the most of your life.

You can do it! It will be worth it! I promise ‘ ¦

Are you worried that you will never get past your break up?
Let me help, NOW, before it gets the best of you!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

Can You Be Happy Being Alone? Absolutely!

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After reading my last blog, a client of mine asked me ‘ ˜can you be happy being alone? ‘ I asked her ‘ ˜what do you think? ‘ This client has been alone for almost 10 years so if I trusted anyone on this topic it was her!

After about 5 seconds thought she responded ‘ ˜hell yes. ‘

My client and I talked about why and here is what she said.

#1 – You only have yourself to take care of.

One of the best parts about being alone is that the only person you have to take care of is you.

I know that for the years that I lived by myself I had a lot of extra time in my day because I was only cooking (or not!), cleaning and planning for myself. Now that I am with someone else, I spend a good portion of my day taking care of him and his needs. And I love him and don ‘ t mind doing this but I must admit that some days I wish I didn ‘ t have to.

Imagine if your everyday was full of doing only what you wanted to do, taking care of only yourself, cooking (or not), watching whatever TV you want to watch, going to bed on your own schedule and not picking up anyone else ‘ s clothes.

How amazing would that feel?

#2 – You don ‘ t have to compromise.

Now, don ‘ t get me wrong. The willingness to compromise is important in every relationship. However, in some relationships, we can sometimes compromise too much.

I know that when my client was married, she lived her life for what her husband wanted and needed. He wanted her to quit a job that she loved, so she did. He wanted to move to another town, even though she loved their current house, but she agreed nonetheless.

He insisted they have dinner with his family on Sundays, in spite of the fact that her family was around on Sunday nights as well.

Don ‘ t get me wrong, her ex compromised too, I am sure, but she had to bend over backwards most days to make him happy.

Imagine that, not having to negotiate with someone else around something that you want or don ‘ t want to do. Living your own life on your own terms.

How amazing would that be?

#3 – You won ‘ t suffer those daily little hurts.

One of the hardest things about relationships, both good and bad ones, is what I call the 1000 little cuts, those little tiny cuts that occur over the course of a relationship, cuts that undermine the strength of the relationship and, sometimes, lead to it ‘ s collapse.

What kind of little cuts? Not coming home on time, leaving underwear on the floor, lying about how much beer you had with your buddies, spending more money at the dress shop then planned, farting without apologizing, not walking the dog at the right time, slurping your coffee, snoring etc. You get the picture.

One of the nice things about being alone is that you aren ‘ t subjected to those little daily pains, the ones that make you feel so bad about yourself and so bad about your relationship.

When I was alone, I remember distinctly how much better I felt at the end of the day because no one had caused me pain that day. My dog was curled up next to me, and he only loved me. I felt pretty good about myself, I have to say.

#4 – You can get good love elsewhere.

This is one point that my client made that I hadn ‘ t really thought of before.

When you aren ‘ t in a relationship, love is accessible anywhere. While romantic love is lovely, you can find love in both usual and unusual places.

First and foremost, you have steadfast and strong love from your friends and family. You know that they will be there for you through thick and thin and that you will always have someone to cry with or go to the movies with or spend the holidays with. No matter what.

There are also other ways to find love. A big source of love is volunteering. There is nothing better than working with people or animals who need love and support for bringing more love into your life. When I was first single, I volunteered at a food shelter once a week and when I went home I felt like a million bucks.

Another way to get unconditional love is with a pet. It might sound like a cliché but it ‘ s true. How many single women do you know who have a pet? They might call us crazy cat ladies but the joke is on them because we are happy crazy cat ladies!

So, know that, if you are single, you can get love in all sorts of places and, yes, you can be happy being alone.

#5 – You are free to be you.

The most amazing part of being alone is that you are totally free to be who you want to be.

Of course, being in a partnership can be wonderful but, whether you are happy or not, because you are part of a twosome you are sometimes limited in your choices of who you can be in the world.

After my husband and I got divorced I decided that I was sick of living in the country. I sold my 3000 square foot house in Vermont and moved to a 200 square foot apartment in NYC. I started a life coach business, became a mental health advocate and I no longer had to shovel snow because my doormen did it!

If you are alone, the sky is the limit for who you want to be in the world.

Yes, you absolutely can be happily being alone.

I know that in this modern world being a part of a pair seems imperative but more and more people are realizing that it ‘ s not. Being alone gives you options, you can be selfish and giving and your daily life can be happier and you can be truly who you want to be.

My client was a housewife and a mother before she got divorced and now she is an accountant and a stock trader. She owns her own house, has two amazing girls (and three grandchildren) and she is happy as a clam. She occasionally dates but then realizes that, for her, it doesn ‘ t make her feel good so she stops and goes back to her very happy life!

You can be happy being alone too. Truly.

Are you wondering if you could every be happy alone?
Let me help, NOW, so you can see that it is possible!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

 

How Letting Go Of A Toxic Relationship Can Save Your Life

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Are you struggling with letting of a toxic relationship and are you looking for another reason to do so?

Leaving any relationship, even a toxic one, is very difficult. Our friends and family encourage us to do so, and perhaps we recognize that we should, but sometimes it ‘ s hard to take that final step. We cast about for reasons, hoping there will be one that is the final nail in the coffin, the thing that gives us the strength to leave.

Well, how about I give you 5 of them. 5 reasons why letting go of a toxic relationship can save your life.

#1 – Your body will get strong.

Did you know that the day in day out stress of a toxic relationship can take a huge toll on your body?

Have you noticed that your head aches a lot, your tummy is often hurts, that you have pains in your shoulders or your back that you don ‘ t remember having before?

Being in a toxic relationship can have a significant effect on our physical health. The everyday stress caused by the bad relationship is so damaging to our systems because we never have a break from it. Even when we aren ‘ t with our partner, our minds are preoccupied with the relationship and our bodies are holding the pain.

Imagine if you woke up in the morning, feeling strong, your head clear, your stomach ready for a big breakfast, ready and willing to take on the world. How amazing would that be?

Letting go of a toxic relationship can give you physical strength, strength that just might save your life.

#2 – Your mind will heal.

Do spend much, or all, of your time struggling with worries about your life and your relationship? Do you struggle with feelings of hopelessness and dread? Do you wonder if it will ever be possible to be happy again?

If those words describe you at all then you could very well be struggling with anxiety and depression, two things that have the power to rock your world and not in a good way.

People who live with anxiety are plagued with worries about what is, what was and what could be. They obsess about all the things that are wrong with their life and their relationship and this makes it hard to focus on anything else.

People who live with depression are constantly plagued with feelings of hopelessness and dread. They struggle with how horrible their lives are every day and they can ‘ t believe that things could ever be different.

If you are struggling with anxiety and/or depression, struggles that you didn ‘ t have before your present relationship, then letting of a toxic relationship is the very best thing that you can do for you mental health and it just might save your life.

#3 – You will have yourself back.

Do you look in the mirror some days and wonder who that person looking back at you is?

Have your months or years being in a toxic relationship sucked the life out of you?

Are you struggling to believe in yourself, in your ability to make it on your own?

Many people who are in a toxic relationship have been worn down by the anger and the sadness and the unkind words, worn down to the point where their self-confidence is shattered and they no longer believe in themselves.

Imagine no longer feeling that way. Imagine no longer being that person who has been worn down so much that they don ‘ t believe they are worthy. Imagine, instead, being a person who is full of self-confidence, who looks at themselves in the mirror and sees someone they know is worthy, worthy of life and love and happiness.

How good would that feel?

#4 – You will renew connections.

Many people who are in toxic relationships find that, one by one, their connections fall away.

This happens for two reasons. The first is that, often, people who are in toxic relationships are forced to cut off contact with those who care about them because their partner feels threatened and is possessive. Instead of having friends and family to turn to, they find themselves alienated and alone.

What also happens is that we lose friends and family because they get sick of us making the same mistakes over and over, of listening to us complain and not make change, of watching us destroy our lives, one day at a time, over someone who makes us miserable. Slowly, one by one, they move away from us until we find ourselves alone.

Imagine a life that is full of love and connection. A life full of friends and family and happiness in shared experiences. A life where we wake up every day, eager for new experiences and lots of laughter.

Letting go of a toxic relationship so that you can regain your friends and family just might very well save your life because a life without love and connection is a very unhealthy one indeed.

#5 – You will find love again.

One thing that I can promise you is that, no matter what, if you stay in your toxic relationship you will not find love again.

Out there waiting for you, somewhere, is a person who will treat you well, who will make you feel important, who will love you and cherish you and with whom you will truly be happy.

Staying in this relationship, a relationship that isn ‘ t serving you, will only ensure that you will stay miserable and you will never have a chance to have the big love that you have always wanted.

And the presence, or absence, of love in our life is one of the most important keys to keeping us healthy and making life worth living.

Letting go of a toxic relationship can be incredibly difficult.

We hold on to the person who we hope they can be or because of how things were in the beginning or because of the belief that we don ‘ t want give up. Ironically, thinking all of those things, is only hurting us.

Imagine a life where you feel physically healthy, your mind is clear, you feel good about yourself and you are surrounded by love and joy.

You can have that – if you are willing to let go of a relationship that is sucking the life out of you every day.

You can do it! I know you can!

Is holding onto toxic love keeping you from finding your true love?
Let me help, NOW, before too much time goes by!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

5 Surprising Things That Can Hurt a Healthy Relationship

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Unless you have been living in some kind of fairy tale, you know that there are things that can hurt a healthy relationship, things that you want to avoid so you can stay in one.

When we fall in love it ‘ s all fireworks and roses. You believe that you have the love of your life and that you will live happily ever after. And I am not saying that you can ‘ t live happily ever after but I am saying that it can be difficult.

Many relationships fall apart because of the 1000 little cuts, those every day instances that cause the other person pain. They seem like small things but, taken together, they can be very damaging.

Many causes of the damage are obvious: treating each other with contempt, leaving your underwear on the bathroom floor, not taking out the garbage when prompted to, abstaining from sex, etc.

But there are other small things that people do often, things that might not be so obvious but are very important.

#1 – Hiding things.

Lying by omission means lying by omitting something from a conversation. For example, when asked why you are late coming home, you say that you stopped at the bar for a drink but you omit that you were there with a friend she doesn ‘ t like. You know she will be upset and you don ‘ t want to hurt her or cause any drama.

Have you ever lied to your person because you want to protect them? Have you ever thought that what they might not know might not hurt them? Have you ever purposely not disclosed something because you are scared of the emotional drama that might follow?

There are two reasons why lying by omission is a thing. The first is that you are keeping something from your partner and that is a lie and that will only pave the ways for more lies. And if you are lying to your partner you are demonstrating that you might not love and respect them and your relationship might be hurting.

The other issue is that if you are every caught in one of your lies, your partner will lose trust in you and going forward might be suspicious of everything you tell them. How much would that suck?

So, be honest. Always.

#2 – No follow through.

This one might be a little bit more obvious but it ‘ s one very important things that can hurt a healthy relationship.

Do you and your partner ever agree to do something and then one or the other of you don ‘ t follow through? Do you not follow through because you didn ‘ t really want to do it or because you forgot or because time didn ‘ t allow? Do you try to sweep it under the rug and either lie about it or make excuses?

Not following through with something, without explanation, is a sign of contempt. That you just don ‘ t do something for whatever personal reason and you don ‘ t talk to your partner about the why and how you will sow the seeds of substantial disrespect.

My man and I used to have this problem all the time and then we finally talked about it. What we learned is that, when we make a plan, I assume that it ‘ s a done deal and he assumes that we are still going to talk about it. That is just how we both have operated before our relationship. We realized that we needed to be clear about our plan – did we decide to do it and then it would be done or is more discussion necessary? Knowing these things has made following up much easier for both of us.

#3 – Ignoring the important stuff.

I had a boyfriend once who hated how hard I slammed the door of his truck. I didn ‘ t know that I was slamming it – I just thought I was closing it like I closed any car door. But I guess I was closing it too hard and he didn ‘ t like it.

Of course, I thought that he was ridiculous – this was a big huge truck and, really, how could little old me cause it any damage. We fought about it all the time.

What I have realized, in retrospect, is that me not closing the truck door with such force made him feel ignored and disrespected. He loved that truck and wanted to take care of it and he felt like my slamming the door was going to harm it.

I pushed back every time but instead I wished I would have recognized that this was important to him and done everything I could to try to remember to close it more softly. That would have been respecting what was important to him and that might have made a big difference in our relationship.

Is there something that your partner does that they love but seems absolutely ridiculous to you? If there is, accepting it instead of pushing back on it could make a huge difference for your relationship.

#4 – Changing.

One of the most difficult things, for me, about my ex was that he was a different person in different situations.

When he was with me he was wonderful, open, honest and kind. When he was with his family and his friends he was a totally different person. He laser focused on people and then talked about them behind their back. He said things that were patently untrue to make them like him more. He chose not to talk to me but instead to mingle with everyone. He was always the last one to leave a party, no matter what I wanted, because he didn ‘ t want anyone to think he wasn ‘ t cool.

Are you the kind of person who is a chameleon in your life? Do you act differently in social situations and perhaps treat your partner differently as well?

Doing this is one of the major things that can hurt a healthy relationship. So, pay attention to how you are in social situations and do your best to change your behaviors.

#5 – TV cheating.

This is a new one but a biggie.

In this era of binge watching TV shows, cheating on your partner by watching ahead is not ok! Period.

I had a partner with whom I was watching Sons of Anarchy. I told him it was very important to me that he not watch it without me because I wanted to share the excitement of it all.

And then I went away for a week. And what did he do? He watched it all.

I told him how upset I was about it but I truly never got over it. I wanted to share this show with him and that he disregarded my feelings was a huge thing.

I know it seems silly but, for whatever reason, it ‘ s not.

So, don ‘ t underestimate the importance of not watching ahead on you and your partner ‘ s favorite shows. It could be the end of your relationship if you do.

Understanding what things can hurt a healthy relationship is a proactive way to keep it happy.

The 1000 little cuts can make a difference in the health of relationships probably more than overt things like leaving your underwear on the floor.

So, pay attention. Don ‘ t lie, follow through, respect what is important, be consistent and make sure you are careful with your TV watching. You will be glad you did!

 

 

Do you want to know more about whether you are a healthy relationship?

Let me help you, NOW, so you know sooner rather than later
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

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