How to Cope with Feeling Depressed When Going Through A Divorce

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Are you going through a divorce and wondering if you will ever stop feeling depressed, so overwhelmed by everything that is going on?

Divorce is hell – everything that was familiar in your life is changing and it is devastating. Keeping your spirits up for the kids, trying to focus on work and wondering what the hell you are going to cook for dinner just feels like more than you can bear some days.

I get it. I have been there.

But I am also here to tell you that you can and will get through your divorce even if you are feeling depressed. Let me help!

#1 – Nest.

When I was going through a divorce, I met a woman who had been through one the previous year. Because I had never gone through a divorce before, I had no idea how to cope. Lucky for me, she was able to help because she had been just been through it.

I had moved out of our family home and had found a rental.  I had left my things at our house so that it would look good when we tried to sell it. My new friend told me, in no uncertain terms, that I had to get my things and bring them to my new house.

For women, when we are going through a hard time, our surroundings are very important. It has something to do with the nesting instinct that is very primal. Women want their space to be a comforting, happy place. 

So, what did I do? I had my things moved to my rental and I filled our family home with furniture from a house staging company. And did it make a difference? Oh yes, it did. Being surrounded by my furniture, by my pictures, sleeping in my bed with my bed linens, seeing the little things that I had accumulated over the years on the shelves all gave me such a sense of comfort.  My life was so confusing because of all the change but coming home to my things provided me more comfort than I can even explain.

#2 – Get support.

For many women, going through divorce is very embarrassing. It feels like failure on so many levels. And because it is so, we often try to go with alone. We think we can tough it out and get through it and that we will be just fine.

But the reality is is that we all need support when we go through this very difficult period. We have never been divorced before and we have no idea what we ‘ re doing and it ‘ s very important that we align ourselves with people who are informed and supportive.

What kind of people? For me, my friend who had been through a divorce was a huge source of information and support. She could look back on her divorce and talk to me about her successes and her failures so as I went through my divorce process I knew what to look out for.

I also found myself a therapist who I talked to every week. I really felt like I was the biggest loser on the planet because my husband decided he didn ‘ t want be with me anymore and she was incredibly helpful, pointing out that divorces don ‘ t happen because one person didn ‘ t do something right but that there are two people in marriage and both share responsibility for the good and the bad.

Someone else who really helped me when I was going through my divorce was my massage therapist. My husband left me right after my youngest child went off to school so I was left completely alone. For the first time in 18 years, I wasn ‘ t being touched regularly. So, I indulged and got a massage once a week for three months. Having somebody touch me for 60 minutes a week significantly help me get through these very turbulent times.

And, finally, I got myself a lawyer. She was able to walk me through the reality of getting a divorce and what being divorced would look like. And how much it would cost. Information for me is very powerful. It makes me feel like I have some control of my outcome. Talking to her gave me the clarity I needed to be able to move forward confidently.

#3 – Make a plan for the future.

After talking to my lawyer, I realized that, for the rest of my life, I was going to have to take care of myself. I was scared out of my mind.

I had been mostly a stay-at-home mom for 20 years and all of a sudden I was going to be responsible for taking care of myself financially, for doing my own taxes, for finding healthcare and for figuring out how to fix things that broke in my house. I was very overwhelmed and didn ‘ t know how I was going to handle it.

So I started to think about where I wanted to live, what I wanted my life to look like, what I wanted to do now that I was on my own. I realized that, while being alone was scary, it was also give me a certain amount of freedom. For the first time in 20 years, I could live the way I wanted to live. Realizing that really helped me cope with feeling depressed because for 20 years I had been unhappy and I knew that now I was in charge of fixing my unhappiness.

Next, I made plan. I came up with a list of things that I was going to need to consider for my future and I came up with a list of people who could support me when I needed support. I found myself a financial planner. I found myself a CPA to help me with my taxes. I found myself a handyman who could help me with those things around the house that I couldn ‘ t take care of myself.

Lastly, I did the math. I figured out what my expenses were so I knew what kind of money I was going to need going forward to survive. Armed with that knowledge, I was able to secure the kind of alimony that I would need to get myself back on my feet.

Making a plan, having an idea of what my future looked like and how I was going manage, really helped me to cope with my feeling depressed while going through my divorce.

#4 – Take care of yourself.

Fortunately for me, when I was going through my divorce, I didn ‘ t drink. While I hadn ‘ t been much of a drinker for the previous 20 years, I have to admit that the inclination to drink a bottle wine on a lonely night at home was often very attractive. I am glad i didn’t though. I think had I indulged in a bottle of wine I might ‘ ve struggled more with figuring out what I needed to do to move forward.

Instead of drinking wine I did yoga. I did yoga every single day. When my brain started running out of control, I would use yoga to bring it back.  When I started feeling like I was not going to survive, I used yoga to make my body feel stronger.

I also made a big effort to spend a lot of time in the sunshine because it’s warmth made me feel healthy and strong and the Vitamin D from the sun helped alleviate my depression.

And, of course, I ate well, as well as I could at least, and made a big effort to get enough sleep.

I know, in retrospect, that taking care of myself and keeping my mind and my body strong really helped me get through this divorce intact and helped alleviate my pain when I was feeling depressed.

#5 – Don ‘ t give up!

Perhaps you ‘ re reading this article because you are feeling like you might be at the end of your rope. Perhaps you ‘ re feeling that, because the life that you once led is over, there ‘ s no reason for you to go on. Your future looks hopeless and you will never be happy again.

I can promise you this is not true. I know you might not believe it right now because from where you sit things look pretty shitty but I can promise you that the view from the other side is a rosy one. 

Since I ‘ ve been divorced, I have moved to New York City from New England, I have started my own business, I have dated a bunch of wonderful men, I have a whole crew of new friends, I have a great relationship with my kids and a really huge sense of my own self-worth. The few years after my divorce were definitely a struggle but in the years since I ‘ ve learned more about myself than I learned in the previous 46 and I know now who I am, I know what I want and I ‘ m not afraid to get it.

So, know that your hopelessness is because of your depression and that your future is not hopeless. This is the beginning of the rest of your life.

Learning how to cope when you ‘ re feeling depressed because you ‘ re going through a divorce is an important part of successfully getting through it all.

I know right now it doesn ‘ t seem like you ever will be happy again but you will!

Make sure that you are surrounded by the things that make you happy, reach out to get support from whoever you need to get support from, make a plan for the future, take care of yourself and don ‘ t ever give up.

You can do this. I promise.

If you have read this far you must really be struggling with your divorce.

Let me help you, NOW, so that you can start moving forward with your life!

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

How I Used CBT to Mend a Broken Heart

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There is nothing worse than trying to mend a broken heart. Nothing!

The intense feelings of sadness and loss. Of losing someone to do things with. The belief that you will never find love again. The questioning whether you made a mistake.

There are a lot of emotions that are difficult to process. So, what do we do? We eat ice cream and drink wine and watch a lot of Netflix, hoping that the pain will pass.

There is something that can help you mend your broken heart quicker and in a healthier way. Using Cognitive Behavorial Therapy (CBT) is the key.

Psychology Today defines CBT as a type of psychotherapy in which patients reframe negative thinking patterns into positive thoughts.

Let me explain how you can use CBT to process your broken heart.

#1 – Identify your feelings.

For each of us, our broken heart manifests itself with different feelings. The feelings are often the result of how the break-up occurred.

For me, when I broke up with my last boyfriend I was incredibly sad because I loved him madly but he couldn ‘ t give me what I wanted. I was also disappointed and angry that what I hoped would be wasn ‘ t.

When my husband left me for another woman, my feelings were completely different. I was mourning the loss of our family, I was furious that he had left me behind, I was scared because I would have to start finding my way financially and I felt completely disrespected that I could be replaced so quickly.

So, you see the difference between the two broken hearts?

The first step using CBT to cure your broken heart is to identify what feelings you are feeling. Are you sad, mad, disappointed, scared? Once you know what feelings you have you can more easily deal with them.

#2 – Recognize your emotions.

So, let ‘ s take you one step further into your feelings. That step is to identify what happens to you as a result of the feelings?

Ok, so, I was sad and disappointed when I had to break up with my boyfriend. With CBT I looked at what those feelings brought up.

My boyfriend had been in the process of a divorce. He made me many promises about his intentions around that divorcethat were broken. He stopped being intimate with me and never made me a priority. So, I broke up with him and I was sad. But there was more to it than that.

Not only was I sad but my self-esteem was at rock bottom. I focused on how stupid I had been to let him lead me on for so long. I felt sorry for myself that he didn ‘ t make me a priority. I felt that I wasn ‘ t good enough if he wasn ‘ t willing to try harder to be with me. So, my feelings, my sadness, I realized, were more about being focused on what a loser I was.

I mean, how could ever find love again if I was such a loser?

And, so, I suffered, feeling shitty about myself and my future prospects. I recognized that the sadness was really a cover for the lack of self-worth that was really the problem.

So, take a look at the emotions that you are feeling about the feelings that you have. Are they what they seem to be? Dig a little deeper.

#3 – Reframe the negativity.

So, there I was, feeling rock bottom horrible about myself and not sure where to go from there.

CBT gave me some tools to work with in that it showed me how to reframe my negative thoughts about myself.

Instead of feeling bad about myself for letting him lead me on for so long, I worked to commend myself for having the strength to finally walk away. I recognized that not making me a priority was not because of me but because of how crazy his life was during the divorce. I also saw that HIS self-esteem was really low and that he probably didn ‘ t feel good enough for ME so he pushed me away.

By reframing my negative thoughts, the thoughts that were dragging me down, I started to see that what happened wasn ‘ t all my fault. Yes, I had spent more time waiting for him than was perhaps wise, but I DID get out. His lack of attention wasn ‘ t because of ME but because of his life circumstances. And that, perhaps, I wasn ‘ t such a loser and that another love might be out there for me!

#4 – Be easy on yourself.

I have never, ever met a woman going through a break up who didn ‘ t blame herself for the whole thing. Either her man was happy to put the blame on her or she took it all on herself, unwittingly. Either way, blame for the end of a relationship is a heavy load to bear.

Whether you broke up with your guy or he with you, know that you are NOT entirely to blame. There are two people in every relationship and nothing happens in a void. Even if you fooled around on your guy and he broke up with you, something about your relationship with him was struggling or you wouldn ‘ t have fooled around.

So, be easy on yourself. It wasn ‘ t all your fault so don ‘ t let him, or you, carry the load all by yourself. You will be amazed at how much lighter your feelings are if you can truly accept that it that break-up wasn ‘ t all on you.

#5 – Take action.

Once I had processed my feelings and my emotions, I had identified my sadness and the lack of self-esteem that had resulted from the break up, I was able to see my future more clearly and start taking some steps to get on with my life.

The first thing that I was did was I blocked my guy on social media and put every momento of him that I had in a box. My guy, who I did still love, was part of my past and not my future.

I went back on Match and Bumble and started to date. And, yes, it wasn ‘ t much fun at first but it was very distracting.

I made a huge effort to plan doing things. I hiked and went to the movies and had dinner with friends. I went to parties (which I hate) and met new people. I shook up the narrow world that I had created while waiting for my guy to get his shit together. I started to have fun again.

And guess what happened! I met another guy. THE guy. And, because I had done my CBT work and processed my emotions and my feelings and built up my self-esteem, I was ready for him. I was ready to try again. And this time it worked!

So, don ‘ t stay home, waiting for your life to start again. Get out there. Make it happen! You can do it!

If you are struggling to mend a broken heart right now, I am so sorry! I wish that I could just lift that pain off you and let you get on with your life.

Unfortunately, I can ‘ t do that, but YOU can!

While it might seem too painful to confront what you are feeling head on, doing so gives you the best chance of a speedy recovery.

So, identify your feelings, focus on your emotions, reframe your negative thoughts, be easy on yourself and take action.

Take your life back. It ‘ s yours, it ‘ s short and it needs to be lived!!!

If you have made it this far you must have a broken heart that needs to be mended ASAP.

Let me help you, NOW, so that you can get your life back and find love again!

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

23 Letting Go Of Love Quotes And Sayings To Help You Heal

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There is absolutely nothing worse than letting go of love when your heart is breaking. Nothing. And I have written countless articles about how to know when to let go of love, how to do it and what to do next. I counsel women every day and support them through this tumultuous time.

I was going to write another article but instead decided to share the wisdom of others.I truly believe that sharing in the experience of others with a broken heart is one of the best ways for us to heal.

Elizabeth Gilbert wrote: ‘When you are standing in a forest of sorrow, you cannot imagine that you could ever find your way to a better place. But if someone can assure you that they themselves have stood in that same place, and now have moved on, sometimes this will bring hope.’

So, with no further ado, the thoughts of others who have experienced, and survived, a broken heart.

‘How can you forget the day your heart is broken? The funny thing about a broken heart is that it ‘ s not fatal. Though you wish in vain that it were, life continues on and you have no choice but to continue on with it. You take the hand that fate has dealt you and you press forward because there is nothing else that can be done.’ –Tracy Winegar

‘Every time your heart is broken, a doorway cracks open to a world full of new beginnings, new opportunities.‘ –Patti Roberts

‘When it comes to love and loss, acceptance is never easy. We can ‘ t make someone see all we have to give, make them love us, or make them change. All we can do is move on and stop wasting time.’ –April Mae Monterrosa

‘You ask everybody you know: How long does it usually take to get over it? There are many formulas. One year for every year you dated. Two years for every year you dated. It ‘ s just a matter of willpower: The day you decide it ‘ s over, it ‘ s over.’ –Junot Díaz

‘However much you wanted someone to want you, there was nothing you could do to make it happen. Whatever you did for them, whatever you gave them, whatever you let them take, it could never be enough. Never enough to be sure. Never enough to satisfy them. Never enough to stop them walking away. Never enough to make them love you.’ –Manna Francis

‘It is a dull sensation, your heart breaking, like the sound of a pebble dropping on the sand. Not a shattering, not a tearing apart, there is nothing shrill or grandiose about the sensation. It is merely an internal realization that something treasured you never knew you had is leaving forever.’ –Samantha Bruce-Benjamin

‘With time the pain eases, the body recovers and the brain figures out new ways to go on.’ –Federico Chini

‘I know my heart will never be the same but I ‘ m telling myself I ‘ ll be okay.‘ –Sara Evans

‘I ‘ m really a very happy, contented little person in spite of my broken heart.‘ –L.M. Montgomery

‘Two words. Three vowels. Four consonants. Seven letters. It can either cut you open to the core and leave you in ungodly pain or it can free your soul and lift a tremendous weight off your shoulders. The phrase is: It ‘ s over.’ –Maggi Richard

‘There comes a time in your life when you have to choose to turn the page, write another book or simply close it.’ –Shannon L. Alder

‘The most confused you will ever get is when you try to convince your heart and spirit of something your mind knows is a lie.’ –Shannon L. Alder

‘Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.’ –Mark Twain

‘It is only with true love and compassion that we can begin to mend what is broken in the world. It is these two blessed things that can begin to heal all broken hearts.’ –Steve Maraboli

‘The most difficult aspect of moving on is accepting that the other person already did.’ –Faraaz Kazi

‘I mean, I am no love expert, but I’m pretty sure that the dude making you cry every day isn’t your soulmate.’ – Anon

‘Hearts can break. Yes, hearts can break. Sometimes I think it would be better if we died when they did, but we don ‘ t.’ – Stephen King

‘I ‘ m not crying because of you; you ‘ re not worth it. I ‘ m crying because my delusion of who you were was shattered by the truth of who you are.’ – Steve Maraboli

‘A heartbreak is a blessing from God. It ‘ s just his way of letting you realize he saved you from the wrong one.’ – Anon

‘Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows.‘– Anon

‘It takes a strong heart to love, but it takes an even stronger heart to continue to love after it ‘ s been hurt.‘ – Anon

‘If they keep hurting you, love them and stay or love yourself and leave.’ – Anon

Letting go of love is something that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy because the pain is truly like none other.

But remember, in the words of Coco Ginger -‘When we are in love, we are convinced nobody else will do. But as time goes, others do do, and often do do, much much better.’

If you are letting go of love, know that this is not your last love but that letting go of this one opens the door for a new, better, love to come in.

I promise.

If you have made it this far you must really be struggling with letting go of love.

Let me help you get over it, NOW, before your sadness overwhelms you.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

What You Need To Know About Surviving Long Term Infidelity

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Have you recently discovered that your partner has been having an affair for years and are you wondering if surviving long term infidelity is even possible?

Has your life been totally turned upside down and everything that you thought was true seem not so much?

I am so sorry for you! There is nothing worse than feeling betrayed by the person you, perhaps, trusted most in the world.

So, what are the keys to surviving long term infidelity? Let me tell you ‘ ¦

#1 -Don ‘ t make any rash decisions.

Ok, so you are PISSED!!! Your man has been stepping out on you and deceiving you for years! You feel betrayed and you want him GONE!

May I suggest that you pause for a bit before you take any rash steps? What happens next is very important and you don ‘ t want to do anything that might jeopardize your future.

The few things to consider are your kids, your finances, your mental health and what the future might look like. To that end, afew examples of things that might NOT be good to do:

  1. Move out of the house – you want to stay in it in case of divorce – leaving it might cause you to lose it.
  2. Tell your kids. Yes, you are mad and want to hurt him but is telling them a good way to do it? It might harm their health, long term.
  3. Be reckless with cash. For many of us, spending money is therapy. At this juncture, when the future is unknown, being careful with your money is a good idea.
  4. Stop taking care of yourself. You are going to need to be strong to get through this. Now is not the time to take to your bed with ice cream and vodka.

Before you make any quick decisions, pause and think them through. Future you will be glad you did.

#2 – Don ‘ t lash out at the other woman.

For those of us who have been the victim of long term infidelity, the instinct to blame the other woman is a very strong one. Why? Because it ‘ s very hard for us to blame the person we pledged to have and to hold forever, the father of our children. It is way easier to blame the other woman for being a slut and a homewrecker than to blame the man who you once loved, and still might.

The blame for your man ‘ s infidelity lands fully on his shoulders. He is married, perhaps with children, and he chose to be with another woman, purposely, in spite of his vows. He made a conscious decision to be with this woman, and stay with this woman, for a long time. It ‘ s all on him.

It is also important that you don ‘ t actually reach out to this woman. You might be looking for answers. You might want to see what she looks like. You might need to do some yelling. DON ‘ T DO IT!

It ‘ s important that, in this time that you have been betrayed, you work hard to maintain your dignity. You are going to feel bad about your life for a while and maintaining your dignity will help you get through it.

Rise above their disgraceful behavior and be a strong woman.

#3 – Don ‘ t blame yourself.

A very interesting fact about surviving long term infidelity is that, more often or not, women who are betrayed blame themselves for the betrayal.

If only I had been nicer or prettier or smarter perhaps he wouldn ‘ t have needed to fool around on me. Or What did I do to deserve being treated this way? OR I must really be a terrible person if my husband would choose to be with someone else. Or I really am a loser.

The most important thing for you to realize is that this ISN ‘ T YOUR FAULT! Yes, affairs don ‘ t happen in a void and there are often some issues in the marriage of someone who strays. But you didn ‘ t stray. You stayed in your marriage, faithful, in spite of those issues. Your spouse did not.

Your spouse is the one who made the decision so be unfaithful to you and it ‘ s all on him.

#4 – Don ‘ t go through this alone.

Women who find out that their husband has been unfaithful often find that they are ashamed of what has happened, that their husband’s affair is a reflection on themselves and it’s their failure. As a result, they don ‘ t want to admit to anyone the truth about what is going on.

It is VERY important that you don ‘ t carry this burden alone, that you find someone to confide in, someone who can help you process what has happened.

Do you have a friend or a sister who would want to support you? Perhaps a therapist or a life coach? There are also support groups for women living with infidelity. They can be especially helpful because you connect with people who have shared experience and truly understand what you are going through.

Whoever you turn to, turn to someone. What has happened to you is too huge too carry alone. Reach out for help. You will be glad you did.

#5 – Don ‘ t give up.

I know that right now you feel like your life is over. That everything you thought to be true is, in fact, a lie. And you wonder how you will ever be able to get your life back, to be happy, to find love again. All of that seems so daunting that all you want to do is get in bed and pull your covers over your head.

Let me tell you – DON ‘ T GIVE UP! I have been through this and, while there were definitely days that were very dark, my life now is very much worth living.

So, make an effort to take care of yourself – eat, sleep and exercise. Get support from your loved ones. Get professional help if necessary. Do whatever it takes to stay strong and healthy so that you can get through this with your mental and physical health intact.

You CAN DO IT! I promise!

Surviving long term infidelity might seem completely daunting to you at this moment in your life. And I get it. What has happened is horrible.

But you can get through it! Don ‘ t make any rash decision or make any snap judgements about the other woman. Definitely don ‘ t blame yourself. Get help and don ‘ t give up.

Every year thousands of women survive upon learning that their partner was unfaithful. You can too!

Are you really struggling with your spouse’s infidelity?

Let me help you cope with it, NOW, before the burden is too much to bear.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

What Are Healthy Boundaries In Marriage?

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Are you wondering what are healthy boundaries in marriage or in your relationship?

Are you eager to do so but have no idea what healthy relationship boundaries are??

Let me help!

To understand healthy relationship boundaries, look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds your life together. They hold your food and your bed and your possessions and it ‘ s where you live your life.

Healthy relationship boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your relationship as it grows. To have a healthy relationship, one that can grow and be fruitful, it is important that it has structures, boundaries, that support it.

Healthy relationship boundaries come in many shapes, sizes and colors. Really, it ‘ s important for each couple to decide what works for them. But there are a few boundaries that are essential for every healthy relationship.

#1 – Don ‘ t let one person be in charge.

In many relationships it happens that at some point one person becomes the one calling the shots. And while this seems to work on one level, ultimately the relationship will become uneven. And when things are uneven a relationship changes.

So, make an effort to keep the decision making even in the relationship. If you are good at organizing your social life then do that but give him opportunity to choose events. If he is good at managing the finances let him do that but continue to have input into where the money goes and why.

Letting your relationship become uneven allows it to slip into a sort of parent/child dynamic, where one person is in charge and the other does as they are told. Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you?

Not so much.

#2 – Respect each other.

One of the biggest romance killers in a relationship is lack of respect and contempt.

The saying ‘ ˜familiarity breeds contempt ‘ is an accurate one and something that happens in many committed relationships.

It is important in every relationship that you each respect each other. Respect each other within the confines of your relationship by speaking to each other honestly, sharing your feelings and needs in an open way. By not attacking each other personally and criticizing each other ‘ s behaviors and actions.

Furthermore, it ‘ s important to not criticize your partner out in the world. The general rule of thumb is that you not tell something about your partner to anyone that you haven ‘ t already shared with your partner.

When I was married, I talked to my friends WAY more about the problems in my marriage than I did to my husband. This didn ‘ t do our relationship any good because we weren ‘ tcommunicatingand giving our relationship a chance to improve. And when we were together I treated my husband with contempt because I no longer respected him.

I am no longer married.

So make sure you treat each other with respect, both inside and outside the relationship.

#3 – Don ‘ t lose yourselves.

So many women, when they are in a relationship, become less of themselves.

Many women take on their partner ‘ s friendships, their hobbies and their ways of doing things.

It is VERY important that all womenstay themselveswhen in a relationship.

Why? Because every healthy relationship is based on truth and if you are anything other than your true self your relationship will never be really healthy.

It is also important that you continue to respect yourself and you will respect yourself by being yourself. By continuing to have your friends, to do your own hobbies, to have a career that you love and a healthy lifestyle that serves you, you will wake up every day feeling good about yourself.

And when you feel good about yourself your partner will love you even more because he knows you are being your true self, someone who is ambitious and smart and willing to take risks to get what she wants.

So be yourself in your relationship. Ahealthy relationshiprequires it.

#4 – Spend time apart.

When they are falling in love, couples want to spend every available minute together. The feelings that accompany falling in love are addictive and hard to walk away from even for a short while.

It is important, however, that you spend time apart from the one you love.

You know the old saying ‘ ˜absence makes the heart grow fonder? ‘ It ‘ s true!

Think about how you feel when you go on a diet. How you can ‘ t eat ice cream for a month while you lose those 5 pounds and, man, do you miss your ice cream. It ‘ s the same thing in a relationship. Stepping away from your partner, even for a bit, makes you both notice the void that is created in his or her absence.

And then the heart grows fonder.

So, spend some time apart. Miss each other. Value each other. Keep that spark alive.

#5 – Be flexible.

I have a client who recently bought a house for herself and her boyfriend moved in with her. Right away they had issues because it was her house and she wanted to do things her way and that just wasn ‘ t okay with him.

It is important that everyone be flexible in a relationship. Just like you would at work or with your family, it is important to work with your partner so that you can both live a life that is authentic to you.

You know the phrase ‘ My way or the highway? ‘ That phrase has no place in any healthy relationship.

So, embrace flexibility. Choose the things that are important to you and stay true to them but be willing to see what might be important to your man and work with him so that you both can live a life that makes you happy. Together and apart.

Examining what are healthy boundaries in marriage is an excellent way to ensure that you have a good strong relationship that will last forever.

Relationships are built from two people who have two separate lives and two separate ways of living. It is important that the couple build a new life together. A new life with four walls that will keep it safe and strong.

So, don ‘ t let one of you be in charge, respect each other, like yourself, spend time apart and be flexible.

Talk to your partner and build your house from a place of love and beauty and self-confidence, one that will be strong enough to stand the test of time and allow your relationship to be a healthy one.

You can do it!

Don’t let a lack of boundaries get in the way of being happily married.
Let me help you define some NOW, before it’s too late.
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

How to Tell if Your Guy is Emotionally Unavailable So You Can Let Him Go & Find True Love

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I don ‘ t know about you but my propensity to pick emotionally unavailable guys is about 95% percent. If I hadn ‘ t met my current guy it would be 100%.

Why are we attracted to guys you are emotionally unavailable when all we want, more than anything, is to be loved?

That ‘ s a topic for another blog so for today let ‘ s look at how we can identify if a guy is emotionally unavailable.

#1 – He lacks self-confidence.

Years ago, I had a boyfriend who really, really struggled with his self-confidence. He had been abused as a child, struggled with holding a job, had a terrible temper that got him into trouble and had a failed marriage. His confidence had never been high but the past decade had worn him down.

When we first got together he was emotionally available in a big way. He couldn ‘ t believe that someone like me could love him and he relished it. He showered me with words of love and tons of affection. I had never felt so loved.

As our relationship progressed, however, his emotional availability gradually became less and less. He still held on to me like a life preserver, like I was a physical manifestation of all that he could be, but he just stopped being able to give me what I needed to feel loved. He couldn ‘ t love me but he refused to let me go.

Since we broke up, I came to learn that this man most likely didn ‘ t believe that he deserved to be loved by me and so he wouldn ‘ t even try. Perhaps also he believed that, because he failed at everything, our relationship would fail so he sabotaged it.

I saw such potential in him so breaking up with this broken man was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. Doing so was important however. His emotionally unavailable was making me really question my own self-worth in the world. And that was not okay.

#2 – He drinks too much.

When I first met my soon to be husband there were two things that struck me about him. That he could drink A LOT, as much as me, and that he was wonderfully physically affectionate. Both of those traits were things that I was looking for in a man.

As the years went on, and I stopped drinking, a few things emerged that were very unsettling. The first was that when it came time to address feelings my husband just couldn ‘ t cope. The first sign of a discussion about emotions and he would head to the fridge for a beer. Trying to talk to him about how I was feeling was impossible. As a result, I felt lonely in the marriage and we grew further and further apart.

The other thing that emerged was that my husband used physical affection to try to communicate his emotions. He was always touching me but his touch made my skin crawl. Looking back on it I realize it was because he was so out of touch with his emotions that his physical touch felt false.

His way of trying to express emotion when he really was emotionally unavailable was one of the things that ultimately destroyed our marriage.

#3 – He is narcissistic.

The definition of a narcissist is ‘ ˜someone with an excessive preoccupation with or admiration for oneself. ‘

Someone who is narcissistic is so preoccupied with him or herself that any kind of consideration or emotional availability is simply impossible.

Everything that happens in their life or their world is reflected back on themselves. If they are angry, they scream. If they are sad, they lash out. Because they are so self-obsessed they don ‘ t feel the need to connect with their emotions. They are just fine, they believe.

Furthermore, to look at the emotions of another and feel something for them just doesn ‘ t happen. Instead, they take note of how the other person ‘ s emotions might be affecting them and that ‘ s all they care about.

So, if the man you love is preoccupied with himself to the exclusion of others then he is a narcissist and will never have the emotional availability that you desire.

#4 – He works ALL the time.

We all know that person – the person who works 24/7, obsessively, who never has time for anything else, who is obsessed with their own personal success and doesn ‘ t understand the need to turn away from their work towards another person.

Many people who are workaholics are like alcoholics in that they use their work to self-medicate whatever feelings they might be feeling. To feel feelings, or to understand the feelings of others, is just too painful to do and so they pour their energy elsewhere.

Another problem with workaholics is that they are also never present. Their physical bodies are always out of the house and when they are home they are usually preoccupied with work. Someone who isn ‘ t present with you is never going to be emotionally available.

You can try, repeatedly, to get through to them but most likely without success. And that will leave you feeling lonely and ignored.

#5 – He has an unhealthy relationship with his mom.

I have been dating for 6 years now and if there is one thing that I have noticed out in the world of dating is that men who don ‘ t have good relationships with their mothers are entirely emotionally unavailable.

The motherly bound is the earliest and the most profound bond in the human experience. Boys who don ‘ t have that bond with their mother had stinted emotional development. They didn ‘ t learn the inherently female traits of empathy, affection, trust and communication. Not learning those things sets them up for a life time of not knowing how to love and be loved in return.

In contrast, the man I am currently dating has an amazing connection with his mother. He visits her twice a week and watching them together is amazing. The love and respect that he has for her and what she has done in the world is written all over his face. The pride and admiration she takes in who her son has become in the world is palpable. The very bedrock of my man ‘ s emotional availability was created by a woman who loved him unconditionally and who taught him what he needed to do and be to truly express and receive love.

How lucky am I to have found him?

The importance of having a man be emotionally available in a successful relationship cannot be understated.

If your man shows any signs of the traits listed above tread carefully. A man who lacks self-confidence, who is addicted to work or booze, who is self-obsessed and has issues with his mother is a man who is, and most likely always will be, emotionally unavailable.

If you want to have a healthy, happy relationship, a guy who is emotionally unavailable is not the guy for you.

So, let him go, move on and find the guy who makes your heart sing. Like I did ‘ ¦.

If you have made it this far you must realize your guy is emotionally unavailable.
Let me help you, NOW, find your way out of the mess and find love before it’s too late!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

How To Let Go Of Toxic Love And Start Loving Yourself

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Are you wondering how to let go of toxic love? Does the prospect of doing so seem simply impossible?

If falling in love is the most wonderful feeling in the world,letting go of love is the most horrible feeling in the world.

There is nothing worse than the physical pain of losing a love – the pit in your stomach, the broken heart, the feelings of despair and hopelessness.

Learning how to let go of toxic love is not easy but it is possible. Just follow these steps and before you know it you will be able to let go of a love that is holding you back and start loving yourself again.

#1 – Ask yourself if you are ready to really do this.

Before you begin any life changing process you must ask yourself how determined you are to actually do it. On a scale of 1-10 how close to a 10 are you? Because withoutsteadfast determination you will not be able to accomplish something as challenging as getting past a lost love.

So, are you ready to do this? Is there any part of you that is holding on to the possibility that things could work out? Do you feel like you aren ‘ t strong enough to do this yet?

If the answer to any of these questions is ayes, then perhaps you should wait a bit longer before you begin this process. Time is a great healer and with some time you will get stronger and be ready to take on this challenging task.

Either way, ask yourself some tough questions about this relationship and make a conscious decision to stay or go. Doing so, making a purposeful move, will help you start respecting and loving yourself again which is a key part of letting go toxic love.

#2 – Block him everywhere.

I know that we all think that we need ‘ closure ‘ at the end of a relationship, that final conversation where everyone gets to say what they want to say and you understand each other and walk away as friends.

I am here to tell you that closure is a myth. What closure really is is one last chance to spend time with and talk to that person you still love. Because really, if you could have a conversation and finally understand each other why couldn ‘ t you make it work as a couple?

So, when you have decided that the relationship is over cut him off. Block him on your phone, disconnect on social media, stay away from places where you know he will be.

Why? Because what you need to do is break the addiction you have to this person, to change your habits.

Think about Oreo cookies. You know how hard it is to eat just one? It ‘ s the same with your man. Even one point of contact can draw you back into his circle, the circle that you have decided that you are determined to break yourself out of.

So, gono contact right away. It will make the process way easier!

As a side benefit, not spending your time and energy stalking him on Facebook but doing something that makes you feel good is exactly what you need to do to start loving yourself again.

#3- Define what you need to let go of.

This is very important. What is it that you need to let go of to move on?

I have a client who was ready to let go of a man who she loved very much but who she knew wasn ‘ t the man for her and she was struggling with it because of the love she still felt.

I asked her to look at it like an onion, an onion where feelings are layers that must be removed to get to the core. What was the top layer?

For my client it was anger. She was angry at her man for the way he had treated her and angry with herself for wasting so much time letting him do so. That was her first layer. She had to deal with the anger.

The second layer was the hopes and dreams. The hopes and dreams that she had had for their life together. It had all seemed so promising at the beginning and she was still struggling to believe that it couldn ‘ t go back to what it was. But she knew it couldn ‘ t and she knew that she would have to let go of those hopes and dreams in order to move on.

The third layer, the core actually, was the love that she still had for this man. And this love, we decided, wasn ‘ t actually something that she wanted to let go of. She knew that they didn ‘ t have a future together but their past, their experiences together, how she felt about him, was something that she wanted to hold on to. Not in a hopeful way but as something from her past that was special to her.

By examining each layer of the onion my client was able to peel back and discard one layer of emotion at a time which left her with the one piece that she wanted to hold on to, one that wouldn ‘ t hold her back from moving on but that she would carry with her in her heart going forward.

#4 – Question what is true and what is not.

This is such an important piece of letting go.

We all have ideas in our head about truths in our relationships but, unfortunately, often these truths are not so much – they are just hopes and dreams that we have made up over the course of the relationship.

I have a client who had hopes and dreams of a life that she wanted with her boyfriend that had absolutely no basis in reality. She wanted to move to the woods, raise sheep, have kids and grow old together. She had this idea firmly stuck in her head that this was what she wanted and if her boyfriend loved her enough he would embrace her dream too.

What she didn ‘ t realize was that although this dream of hers was wonderful there was NO WAY she was going to have it with her boyfriend. He loved the city, hated livestock and didn ‘ t want kids for at least another decade.

I asked her to consider these things that she knew to be true, what he didn ‘ t want, and stack them up next to what she did want, her hopes and dreams. When she did she finally saw that the truth of the situation was different from what she had been telling herself in her head.

Armed with that knowledge she was one step closer to letting him go.

#5 – Figure out what you REALLY want in relationship.

The final part of letting go is getting to know what exactly it is that you want from someone in a relationship. Without knowing what you want you are going to have a hard time getting it.

So, make a list. Make a list of what youwant from a man in relationship with you. It doesn ‘ t have to be long but make it comprehensive.

My list, in part: someone who makes me laugh, who knows who he is and what he wants, who loves my kids and who wants to make me a priority in his life.

So, make your list and run through it with your current guy in mind. Chances are, if you are reading this article, that he won ‘ t match up with many of the things on that list and you will finally understand because you will see it there clearly, in black and white.

And your emotions just can ‘ t argue with black and white. He is not what you want. Time to move on.

Right now, take a moment and picture the guy who has all the traits that you want in a man, sitting right next to you. How good would that feel, to be loved by someone who was the right person for you. And what a great way to get back to loving yourself.

Letting go of something that once seemed so promising is very difficult and will take some steadfast determination on your part but you can do it.

Learning how to let go of toxic love can seem difficult but if you can master it your life will only get better.

So, cut off contact, peel back the onion, question your assumptions and define what you want. Before you know it, you will have clarity that you are making the right decision and will be able to let go.

And that means: Step #6 – Get yourself back out there.

I know that right now you feel like you might never love again but putting yourself back out there doesn ‘ t mean you have to fall in love. Putting yourself back out there means that you get to dress up and flirt anddate and have a lot of fun. And maybe, just maybe, you will find another love but in the meantime you can enjoy yourself and the freedom you have as a single girl. Embrace it!

Is holding onto toxic love keeping you from finding your true love?
Let me help, NOW, before too much time goes by!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

When You’ve Been Betrayed: 5 Tips for Surviving Emotional Infidelity

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Have you just discovered that your partner is in love with someone else and are you thinking that surviving emotional infidelity is going to be impossible?

Does some part of you wish that your partner was just having sex with someone else, not having feelings that he once had for you. Do you lie awake at night picturing him sharing intimacies with her, wondering what you are missing.

Do you feel like you are going CRAZY??

Surviving emotional infidelity can be difficult but it is possible. Here are 5 tips for doing so.

#1 – Don ‘ t take it personally.

I am sure that, since you discovered your partner ‘ s emotional infidelity, you have spent a ton of time obsessing about what you could have done differently. If you had just had more sex with him or watched him play softball or listened to him when he talked about work, then maybe he wouldn ‘ t have had to go out and find someone else.

Let me tell you that most emotional affairs are not something that someone goes looking for. They are something that just kind of happens.

A client of mine had been friends with a man for years – just friends – and then one day they ran into each other at the supermarket. Both were depressed and for some reason they confided in each other in a way that they hadn ‘ t confided in their spouses. After that, they continued to share and support each other through their depressive times and before they knew what was happening they found themselves in love with each other.

Of course, emotional affairs don ‘ t happen in a void. There is often some degree of distancing between partners that opens up a space for someone else to enter. But your partner ‘ s affair is NOT YOUR FAULT. It most likely would have happened whether you listened to him complain about work or not.

#2 – Don ‘ t suffer in silence.

For many people, once they find out their partner is having an emotional affair, they clam up.

Instead of addressing the issue with their partner, they retreat into themselves, obsessing about the affair, wondering whether it ‘ s still happening, wondering what ‘ s next for their relationship.

They wait, in silence, hoping it will all pass and go back to the way it used to be.

What they don ‘ t do is talk with their partner about it directly. They don ‘ t talk about why it happened, if it will continue, what needs to be done about the situation or how they each feel about what is going on.

It is important that, if your goal is surviving emotional infidelity, you talk with your partner about what is happening. You can do so alone or with a therapist, if you need help with the conversation. But you need to do it. Soon.

#3 – Get some help processing.

Another thing that you must do, once learning about an emotional affair, is get help processing it.

While friends are a great source of support, they are definitively on your side and might not give you the best advice.

It is important that you seek out the help of a life coach or a therapist to help you through these difficult times. You will be struggling with guilt, shame, anger, sadness, fear and many other emotions and if you don ‘ t deal with them they could fester for a long time and getting past all this will be more difficult for you.

So, reach out for some professional help RIGHT NOW!

#4 – Take care of yourself.

When we are going through emotionally rough times there are two directions we tend to take: we either fall onto the couch with ice cream, binging Netflix, or we push ourselves really hard to get things done. Either one is meant to numb the pain that we are feeling.

I would encourage you to not partake in either extreme but to settle somewhere in the middle – to take care of yourself.

Make sure you get enough sleep every night and if you can ‘ t sleep find something that will help you do so. Melatonin works for me or you could ask your doctor to give you something a little bit stronger. Without enough sleep you will find dealing with what you are dealing with more difficult.

Try to eat balanced meals regularly and indulge in only a reasonable amount of ice cream.

Lastly, make sure you get your heart rate up every day. Take a walk or dance around your apartment. Getting your heart rate up is an excellent way to deal with the stress you are under and the dopamine that your body will generate from the exercise will help smooth out your emotions.

If you take care of yourself instead of sinking into the couch you will find surviving emotional infidelity significantly easier.

#5 – Decide next steps.

As you process your partners emotional infidelity it is important that you start thinking about next steps.

This is not something that you need to do right away. It is important that you work through your feelings about what has happened first. But, when you are ready, it is important that you consider what you want the rest of your life to look like.

Do you see yourself staying with your partner, working through what happened and moving forward? Or do you think it ‘ s time to cut bait and move on with your life so that you can find the happiness you want and deserve?

I have a client who discovered her husband ‘ s emotional infidelity 3 years ago. In spite of his repeated promises that he would end it, her husband continued to have a non-sexual but intimate relationship with this woman. My client suspected it was happening and fought constantly about it with her husband but she continued to live with him.

She became obsessed about the relationship. It interfered with her every day peace of mind, her work and the joy she should have felt at her daughter’s wedding. To this day she is still with him and her life is on hold. Her self-esteem is low and her future unsure.

Don ‘ t let yourself get to this point. Make a decision about what you want your life to look like and make it happen. Life is short. Don ‘ t waste it!

Surviving emotional infidelity probably feels impossible and unlikely to you right now. But, I can promise you that you can and you will survive.

Think about all of the things that have happened in your life that you thought you wouldn ‘ t survive. Did you survive them? Did you learn from them? Are you glad that you went through some of them because they changed the direction of your life?

This emotional infidelity can be the same. It ‘ s another blip in the story that is your life. And you can survive it!

Try not to take it personally, talk to your partner about it, get help from outside sources, take care of yourself and look to the future. All of these things will help you get through this next period of your life intact.

Get started NOW! You can do it!

Have you been betrayed and are struggling to survive?
Let me help, NOW, before the struggle overwhelms you!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

How To Set Appropriate Boundaries For Marriage Separation

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Are you considering taking the first step to ending your marriage and are you wondering how to set appropriate boundaries for marriage separation?

Good for you for planning ahead! Marriage separation is a big move, and a very challenging one, so making a proactive effort to set boundaries is an excellent plan!

Not sure where to start? Let me help!

Appropriate boundaries for marriage separation will be different for everyone but there are some specific areas that most people consider when creating those boundaries.

#1 – Maintaining physical space.

For as long as you have been in this relationship, you and your partner have shared space. You have had both shared and separate schedules and you come as go as you please.

Not anymore.

Now that you are separating, ground rules will have to be set as to who is where when.

If you are living in the house, when can your partner come over? Does he call ahead? Do you always want to be there or never want to be there when he comes?

What about the possessions in the house? Will they stay as is until the divorce is final or will your partner remove his half to furnish his new place?

How about the kids ‘ school events? Will you both attend or do you need to make a schedule to define who goes where when?

Physical space is a very tricky area to maneuver during a marriage separation. Emotions are usually so high that maintaining some kind of space is important but to what extent it ‘ s up to each couple.

#2 – How money will be spent.

Do you and your partner have a shared bank account? One where both of your money is deposited when received?

Or do you have separate accounts and one joint one to manage household finances?

Perhaps he gets paid in cash and it gets kept in a safety deposit box while your funds go into the house account?

Whatever your bank situation, once you are separated, the bills are still going to need to be paid. It is important that you and your partner decide who is going to pay what when.

Here is a partial list of things to consider when dividing things up

  1. Household management expenses – mortgage, utilities, water, cable, trash, taxes, home maintenance costs
  2. Household occupant expenses – groceries, clothing, pet care, car costs
  3. Kids ‘ expenses – school, activities, day care
  4. Medical Insurance – doctors and therapist expenses

Again, this is a partial list. Here is a link to a more comprehensive link, should you desire one.

#3 – Time spent with the kids.

This is a big one. Who gets time with the kids is one of the most emotionally charged pieces of getting separated, so emotionally charged that people often don ‘ t get separated so that they don ‘ t have to deal with it.

As soon as possible after the decision to separate occurs, it is important the you decide who is going to see the kids when. This will be a scary time for the kids and having a schedule in place ASAP will help them a lot in the transition. And helping them get through this intact must be a high priority.

So, work together, being as reasonable as you can, to make sure that the kids have time with each parent.You might not like your partner right now but they are still your kids ‘ parent and time with them is important.

#4 – Interactions with new partners.

I remember, when my ex-husband left me for someone else, he tried to bring her into his life right away. He introduced her to his family within months and insisted that our kids meet her soon after.

Our kids were devastated. Their daddy wanted them to meet his new love, someone who wasn ‘ t their mommy. This person meant nothing to them – he was just their dad ‘ s girlfriend but he thought it was imperative that she become a part of their life.

Before you make the decision to bring the kids into your grown up romantic relationship, carefully consider your motivations. Are you doing it for them or for you? Do you feel like you need to be validated by your kids or is your new partner pressuring you into making the introduction?

Remember, for most kids, all they really want is their parents back together so bringing someone new into the equation too soon will not be a good thing for them. Perhaps not for anybody.

#5 – Consider your own personal needs.

The list above is of areas that most couples look at when setting appropriate boundaries for marriage separation but it isn ‘ t an exhaustive one.

It is important that you consider what is important to you when setting up boundaries.

For me, it was essential that I had my things around me when I moved out of the house. I knew that to survive the emotional turmoil that was ahead I would need the comfort of things that I feathered my nest with. So, I asked for my things and I took them.

What might be important for you to have to get you through this tough period? Perhaps you want to go to marriage counseling and want that to be part of the established boundaries. Or perhaps it ‘ s important to you that you continue to spend one weekend a month as a family, visiting your aging parents.

Carefully consider what YOU need to stay strong and healthy during what might be the most difficult time in your life.

Breaking up a relationship sucks. It ‘ s just that simple. And setting appropriate relationship boundaries for marriage separation is a key part of managing just how sucky it will be.

Work closely with you partner during this tumultuous time, to try to keep your family business running on an even keel, even if emotions are running high.

Many couples don ‘ t set boundaries and all hell breaks loose around the family and the finances, to the point that relationships fail and finances are ruined.

Don ‘ t do that. Set some boundaries now! You will be glad you did!

Are you getting separated and looking to set boundaries?
Let me help, NOW, to make the transition seamless for everyone!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

How To Let Go Of Love And Move On When He’s Left You For Someone Else

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Has your person left you for someone else? Are you wondering how to let go of love and move on, even when your heart is shattered and you feel like your life is over?

First of all, I am so sorry. There is nothing worse than a broken heart. NOTHING.

Secondly, I can promise you that, even though your heart feels shattered now, your life is not over and that there is hope for a very bright future for you, and for your heart.

But, you ask, How do I get there? How can I get past this pain?

Let me help ‘ ¦.

#1 – Feel your feelings.

The guy that you love just left you for someone else. The hopes and dreams that you had for the future have been completely dashed. You are spending time alone that you used to spend with him. Your life is totally different and, honestly, not so great.

You are going to be sad. You are going to be pissed! You are going to be devastated. And it ‘ s okay.

I remember, when my ex-husband left me for someone else, that I was devastated. In a matter of days, I went from wife to nothing. He had moved on from his wife and from there forward it was him and her. I felt like I was nothing.

That pain lasted a long time but it did eventually pass. A big part of that was me letting myself feel my feelings – my anger, my sadness, my contempt, my disgust. I felt them all and let them go. It hurt a lot to do so but I did it. I truly believe that if I had stuffed them down I would still be dealing with them today.

It is important to be okay with the emotions that you are feeling. It isn ‘ t a reflection of any weakness on your part. It ‘ s a reflection of the pain that you are feeling. And it is important that you feel those feelings. That you feel the pain and the sadness and the regret and whatever emotions arise as a result of the break up.

Only by truly feeling and processing emotions will you be able to work through them and let them go.

#2 – Have no contact. NONE.

Often, when we are broken up with, what we want more than anything is one last conversation. Some closure, if you will.

I believe that closure is a myth.

What we really want in that last conversation is one last chance to be with that person. To perhaps convince them to stay. To prolong the goodbye, even just a bit.

I encourage you to fight against that impulse. All it will do is make you seem desperate and drag out the inevitable. Hold your head up high, say good riddance, and move on.

Also, there is nothing more tempting, when your lover has left you for someone else, then to stalk him or her on social media.

I know that it doesn ‘ t seem like that big of a deal, to take a quick peak at your person ‘ s feed, but you know, as well as I do, that there is a chance you could see something on there that you just don ‘ t want to see. You will see PICTURES of what he is doing and with whom. And chances are, seeing those things will send you into a tail spin. How could it not?

So, eliminate all ties to your loved one on social media. Block him on your phone. Don ‘ t ask your mutual friends about what he is doing. Don ‘ t talk to him yourself.

Tell yourself that he has moved to Mars and that you will never see him again.

You will be glad you did.

#3 – Get hot.

Yes, you read that right. Get hot.

Ok, so you are single again and you suddenly find yourself with lots of free time. And you might also find yourself craving a lot of ice cream.

Now is not the time to sit around, watching Netflix and eating ice cream. While those things might be fun in the moment, in the long run they will only make you feel worse.

Exercise is one of the best ways to manage grief. During exercise your body produces endorphins and endorphins actually make you feel better. And, as a side benefit, exercise also gets you in shape.

Imagine having the body that you have always wanted – you know what body I am talking about. Now is the time to get it. Start exercising to help manage your grief and use it to get in great shape and to feel better about yourself.

And, while it ‘ s not about revenge, let your ex eat his heart out when next he sees you!

#4 – Live your dream.

Another thing to do with all of that free time is to start doing something that you have always wanted to do. Don ‘ t sit around feeling sorry for your empty space –do something with it.

When a client of mine was abandoned by her boyfriend she was a wreck and feeling lonely as hell. I asked her if there was anything that she had always wanted to do, something that she hadn ‘ t done because she was in a relationship.

Without a pause she said YES – she had always wanted to go to Peru and hike the Machu Picchu trail. Could she do that now? I asked. And she said, Why the hell not?

So, my client set out making plans to travel to Peru in the spring. She researched tour groups, found a few friends to come with her, worked to get in shape and ultimately went on the trip of her dreams.

The planning kept her occupied instead of focusing on her guy and the trip changed her life, making her realize that if she could do that she could do anything.

What is it that you have always wanted to do? Pick one thing and start doing it. You have the time. Life is short. Don ‘ t waste it!

#5 – Believe, believe, believe.

Yes, right now your heart is broken. You just can ‘ t imagine being able to get through this day or the next. You know that you will never love or be loved again. Sigh.

No! You have to believe. You have to believe that your great love is out there. That you are more than a little loveable and that what you are going through is only temporary. Think about what you want and work on truly believing that you will get it. And then take the steps to do so. You can do it!

And, if you are feeling hot and full of self-confidence from all that exercise and surviving your grief, imagine what that special someone will think when they first lay eyes on you. WOW!

I can promise you. You will love again. He is out there. I wonder what he is doing right now.

Figuring out how to let go of love and move on after losing your person to another can be a daunting thing.It ‘ s hard to believe that you will ever be okay again.

I can promise you that you will be okay! It might take a little bit but, once you have done the work you need to get past it, your breakup will be a distant memory and your new life will be great!

So, feel your feelings, cut him off completely, get yourself into shape, live your dreams and believe.

Your life will go on, better than ever. You will see. I promise!

Did your man find someone else and are you wondering if you can survive?
Let me help, NOW, before the pain becomes too much to bear!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

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