What Kind of Woman Is Most Likely to Find Lasting Love?

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Finding last love in this modern world is verydifficult. What kind of woman is most likely to find lasting love?

We all want it. To have someone who is our best friend, someone we can share our hopes and dreams with, someone who we can build a life with.And, yet, for many women, finding and keeping lasting love can be very difficult.

I have talked to many women in healthy relationships over the years and there are 5 personality traits that most of them share. Let me share them with you.

#1 – They know themselves.

Women who are in healthy relationships know themselves. Truly know themselves.

They know their strengths and their weaknesses. They have dealt with their past. They recognize their limitations and are willing to reach out for help when they know they need it.

Women who find lasting love KNOW what they want. They know what kind of man they want, what kind of traits he will have, what kind of man will bring out the best in them. They set their eye on finding that man and build themselves a clear path to do so.

If you are a woman who doesn ‘ t know who she is, who hasn ‘ t taken a good hard look at who you are in the world and what you want, then you will have a hard time finding and keeping lasting love.

#2 – They don’t take things personally.

I know many women who reflect everything that happens in the world on themselves. Women who do this have a low ego strength. Everything that happens in the world they filter through their perception of themselves.

I have a clientwho reflects everything that happens back on herself. Her husband didn ‘ t want to help his mother clean out her attic and my client ‘ s reaction was that if her husband didn ‘ t help her with her attic in 10 years, when she was retiring, she would be really angry.

Another client was upset because her husband didn ‘ t do what he said he was going to do so that meant that he didn ‘ t love her.

Women who take everything personally don ‘ t have confidence with who they are in the world. They look at life through their own personal lens which doesn ‘ t allow them to let a man in and love them for who they are. They judge their man for their actions. They don’t believe a man can love them for who they are. They are paralyzed by the person they see in the mirror, a person they don’t like very much. And how can you expect a man to like you if you don’t like yourself?

So, don ‘ t take things personally. Understand that your man’s thoughts and deeds are independent of you. Seek to love and like who you are so that the person you are with can love and like you too.

#3 – They areflexible.

Women who find lasting love are flexible. They are willing to roll with whatever comes along and bend themselves to accommodate it.

I have a client who is very black and white in her thinking about the world. If her relationship isn’t going the way she thinks it shouldthen she is immediately stymied. She tries to bend it back to her way of thinking and, more often than not, she gets shut down in the process. If only she was willing to look at all sides of the relationship she might be able to help it evolve into something healthy that works for everyone.

I have another client who, when things don ‘ t go the way that she thinks they will, gets totally overcome and just can ‘ t deal at all. She is paralyzed by the idea that something must go in a different direction and she shuts down. And when she does, her relationship falls apart.

So, try to be flexible in the world. Anticipate and accept that your relationship just might not go the way you think it will and roll with it.You will be happy you did.

#4 – They have a sense of humor.

Life can be exceedingly difficult and women who are in healthy relationships are able to laugh at how hard it can be.

Think about those days when everything goes wrong. Your husband is cranky in the morning because he is going to be late to work. Your plans to meet for lunch get cancelled because he has meetings. He forgets that you are going to go shopping together and has a beer after work, from which he comes home later than he said he would.

When this happens, you have two choices. You can collapse in a heap of anger and despair, drink 3 glasses of wine and yell at your husband. OR you can throw your hands up in the air, recognize how crazy life is and go for a walk with your dog to let it all go.

If you can just let things go, if you can see that life is just difficult and accept it with grace and humor, you will be way more likely to find and keep the lasting love that you seek.

#5 – They never, ever give up.

The key to finding, and keeping, lasting love is determination. The determination to succeed, to get what you want, to not let anything get in your way.

I have a client whose husband left her for his college girlfriend years ago. It was totally out of the blue and she was devastated. It took her some time to get back on her feet but when she did she did so with gusto.

She took the time to figure out what she wanted in the world and she went for it. She started her own business and worked hard to make it successful. She moved to New York City because she knew it would give her the opportunities that she seeked. And she made herself a list of the kind of man she was looking for. 6 year later, her business is a success and she has found the man of her dreams. A lot of things got in the way but she never gave up. And she got what she wanted.

So, if lasting love is what you seek, go for it. Set your sights on what you want and don ‘ t let go, no matter what gets in your way.

There is no reason why any women should have difficulty finding the lasting love that she seeks.

Women have been letting men take the lead in relationships for too long, letting their ‘ ˜womanness ‘ hold them back from actively pursuing what they want.

I would argue that the things that make us women, the self-awareness, the determination, the flexibility and the sense of humor, the personality traits that we naturally possess, giveus all the tools that we need to find the love that we seek.

So, go out there in the world, be a woman, and find your person. You can do it! I promise.

If you are still reading this you must really want to find lasting love?
Let me help, NOW! Your guy is out there waiting for you!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

5 Ways to Tell if the Guy You Love Doesn’t Love You Back

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Are you wondering if the guy you love loves you back?

How any times have you sat with a friend as she cried about the man that she loves because she is confused about whether he loves her or not. How many? Thousands perhaps? Me too.

And don ‘ t you always want to say ‘ ˜it ‘ s so obvious! He doesn ‘ t love you! ‘ ? Because it is so obvious. To you, but not to her.

And now do you find yourself in the her place? Wondering if the guy you love loves you back?

Let me help. There are 5 ways to tell that your guy doesn ‘ t love you. They are:

#1 – He constantly makes excuses about why he can’t spend time with you.

A guy who is in love with a girl actively wants to spend time with her. In fact, he will move heaven and earth to spend time with her.

Now, I am not saying that your guy doesn ‘ t love you if he goes to a football game with the guys or has breakfast with his mother. But if your guy regularly has to work late on date night or is having problems with his car or suddenly has been struck down a mysterious illness then there is the possibility that he is making excuses not to see you.

And if he is making excuses to not see you then he definitely isn ‘ t in love with you. Because, if he was, he would be sitting right by your side and you would not be reading this article

#2 – He ghosts you in any way.

Does your guy disappear?

Do you text him and not hear back for hours and when you do there is talk about a broken phone keyboard or a dead battery?

Are you supposed to meet your guy for dinner but at the last minute he tells you he can ‘ t make it and then you don ‘ t hear from him for a day?

Does he tell you that he isn ‘ t feeling well enough to hang out with you and then spends the night posting on Facebook and he doesn ‘ t respond to any of your messages?

If your guy ghosts you in any way he doesn ‘ t love you. A guy who loves a girl treats her with respect and that respect means that he responds to her clearly and honestly. He is clear about his actions and his intentions and he shares them with her.

So, if your guy disappears regularly, with lame excuses, then he most definitely isn ‘ t in love with you.

#3 – He spends more time on his hobbies than with you.

Does your man have a hobby that regularly takes him away from you?

A client of mine has a guy who is passionate about riding his bike. Every weekend he goes out with his posse and they clock as many miles as they can get in. Every weekend.

My friend had no problem with his passion for biking until he started to put his bike over her on his priority list. The weekend would come along and she would want to just spend time with him but his bike ride came first. So, she would wait and when he got back he was always too tired to do anything with her.

If you man has a hobby great! Everyone should have a hobby! But if he regularly puts his hobby ahead of you on his play list then he doesn ‘ t love you.

Time to go find a man who has a hobby to share with the woman he loves.

#4 – He isn ‘ t always nice to you.

Do you come downstairs after carefully dressing for dinner only to have your guy make a snide comment about what you are wearing?

Does your man comment on your horrible cooking in front of your friends?

Does he mock new ideas that you might have about your career?

If your man does any of these things, he doesn ‘ t love you. A man who is in love with a woman treats her with the utmost respect and would never dream of being unkind to her.

Of course, some men are clueless and will say something innocent about your dress without meaning to but if your man is regularly unkind to you then he definitely doesn ‘ t love you.

#5 – He doesn ‘ t do things just to make you happy.

Do you make plans to go out with the girls and ask him to take care of the kids and he refuses?

Do you want to spend that extra money that you have saved on a new dishwasher and he insists that it would be better spent elsewhere?

Do you want to spend some quality time with him but he is always too busy?

Men who love their woman want to give them what they want because they know that if a woman feels taken care of she will feel loved. If a man is always selfish in his considerations and doesn ‘ t care at all what you want then that man doesn ‘ t love you.

So, I ask you, if your friend was telling you about a man who fits the criteria above, what you would you say to her? And what would you hope your friend would say to you if the positions were reversed?

Read this list. Keep it. Memorize it. Use it now to get rid of the guy who doesn’t love you and keep it for later use. Hopefully you won ‘ t need it but keep it close in case you do ‘ ¦

The guy who will truly love you is out there. Don ‘ t settle for someone who just pretends he does. Move on NOW!

Are you wondering if your guy loves you back?
Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

How To Make A Woman Feel Safe And Secure

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It ‘ s something that women always say they are looking for in a man, someone to make them ‘ ˜feel safe. ‘

And, of course, you want to give her that. What man wouldn ‘ t?

But how the hell do you do that? What makes a woman feel safe? Let me tell you ‘ ¦.

#1 – Listen to her.

The most important thing to make a woman feel safe is for her to know that you are listening to her.

That when she talks you are paying attention and understanding what she is saying and feeling.

While you might be inclined to think that you need to ‘ ˜fix ‘ her to make her feel safe, in reality really all she wants you to do is to listen and let her know that you are there for her.

So, next time your girl opens up to you, sit down and pay attention. Hold her hand, empathize with her feelings and confirm for her that you are there and that you always will be.

#2 – Do what you say you are going to do.

Are you one of those guys who doesn ‘ t always do what you say you are going to do?

Do you tell your girl that you will be home at 6 even if you aren ‘ t going to be home until 8 because you don ‘ t want to make her mad? Or that you will go pick out the windows for the house renovation, even though chances are good that you will have to work?

Often, for many men, they don ‘ t do what they say they are going to do because they are worried that if they speak the truth they will hurt or upset their woman.

In fact, the opposite is true. Men who don ‘ t do what they say they are going to do actually hurt their woman more and definitely don ‘ t make them feel safe.

So, make sure you do what you say you are going to do. Allow your woman to feel confident that she can rely on you to always be there for her. And make her feel safe.

#3 – Tell her how you feel about her.

Have you ever thought to yourself ‘ ˜I don ‘ t need to tell her how I feel about her. She knows. ‘

Do you take out the garbage faithfully, assuming that by doing so your woman will know you love her?

If the answer to either question is YES then you are wrong!

Telling your woman how you feel about her is a key component in making her feel safe. She might have a sense of how you feel but to actually hear the words come out of your mouth let ‘ s her know that you have her back. That you care about her enough to tell her and that she knows that she can count on you to be there for her.

#4 – Act like a man.

I know. I know. In this day and age men and women are equal. And my 23 year old daughter will kill me for saying this but the truth of the matter is that men can make women feel safe by just acting like themselves.

Men are genetically programmed to be protectors. The survival of the species depended on men protecting their women and children from predators. That instinct is not gone in this 21stcentury world.

I am not saying that you need to brandish your club and knock down anyone who messes with your girl but make sure that she knows that you are there for her, to reach the things that she can ‘ t reach, to carry that load that is just too much for her, to hold the door open when her hands are full and to get rid of that dead mouse carcass the cat dragged in.

Tap into your inner caveman, without letting him take you over completely, and allow your girl to feel safe.

#5 – Be honest.

The number one most important thing in making a woman feel safe is to be honest.

I said above that it is important that you always do what you say you are going to do but it is more than that.

For a woman to feel safe she needs to feel trust. And if you can ‘ t be honest with her she can never trust you.

So, if you can ‘ t get home for dinner, tell her. If you need to see your mother instead of going out with her friends, don ‘ t make an excuse. Tell her the truth. If you ran up the credit card debt or forgot to give the kids a bath or need some time on your own, be direct and up front. Tell her the truth, right away.

Let her know that she can rely on you to be honest and if you do she will feel safe.

If you want the girl of your dreams to love you forever, let her feel safe.

Listen to her, do what you say you are going to do, tell her how you feel about her, protect her and be honest.

I promise you. You make your girl feel safe and she is yours forever.

If you have read this far you must have a girl you want to feel safe and secure.
Let me help you, NOW, before she finds someone else!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

5 Ways Relationship Boundaries And Expectations Can Hurt Your Relationship

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Relationship boundaries and expectations are often talked about as the key to successful relationships. What isn ‘ t often addressed is that relationship boundaries and expectations can hurt your relationship also.

Good relationship boundaries include the following: spending time apart, neither one of you being in charge, being flexible, displaying respect for each other, and staying yourself in the relationship. All of these sound great, right?

So, how is that possible? That something meant to make a relationship strong can also serve to weaken it?

Let me tell you ‘ ¦

#1 – You don ‘ t communicate clearly.

Relationship boundaries and expectations can hurt your relationship if they aren ‘ t communicated clearly to each other.

Imagine that for you to be happy in a relationship you need to spend time alone but you don ‘ t tell your partner that it ‘ s important for you. That spending time alone only enhances your feelings for your partner and improves your relationship.

Imagine how your need to be alone might make your partner feel? Perhaps your partner thinks that your need to be alone is a negative reflection of how you feel about them. Perhaps when you are off alone your partner is worried and miserable.

Can you see how that might not be so great for your relationship?

So, make sure that you and your partner set boundaries and expectations together and that you both understand clearly what they are.

#2 – Your expectations don ‘ t match.

Another way that relationship boundaries and expectations can hurt your relationship is if your boundaries and expectations don ‘ t match.

Let ‘ s say that you both know how important it is for you to remain yourself in a relationship. That if you aren ‘ t yourself you just don ‘ t feel happy, alone or together. But what if your partner believes that individuals in couples should work hard to change for the other person. That the individual no longer matters, only the couple.

If relationship boundaries and expectations don ‘ t match in a relationship, the relationship will be doomed unless both parties are willing to work together to make things work both of them.

#3 – Spending time apart doesn ‘ t work for everyone.

Spending time alone in relationship is a very important part of it being healthy. Couples who can enjoy time apart are usually very happy to come back together.

This is not always the case for some couples. Some individuals really struggle when they can ‘ t be with their partner. They are happy that their partner is doing his own thing but they are paralyzed by missing him. They do not take the opportunity to get out and do their own thing but instead sit at home, sad and growing resentful.

So, if one person can ‘ t handle the being alone part it can be very damaging to a relationship. If that occurs, work together to figure out a way for you to spend time on your own in a way that won ‘ t hurt your partner. Maybe do it around times when they already have plans. Or when they are away for work.

Spending time alone is important. Try hard to make it happen.

#4 – No one is in charge.

Making sure that no one person is in charge of a relationship is a key relationship boundary that keeps relationships happy. But it can also be fraught with issues.

When no one is captain of the ship it is possible for the ship to founder. If crew members are left on their own to make decisions independently, without taking into account the other crew members, disaster can happen.

The same can happen with relationships. When no one takes the lead in any one area, such as planning social events or doing work on the house, then, more likely than not, nothing will happen. And, when nothing happens, a relationship can get stagnant and stale pretty quickly.

So, divide and conquer. If something has to happen put one person in charge of taking the lead. It doesn ‘ t have to apply to everything, just the one event that is being addressed.

Don ‘ t let lack of leadership be a bad thing in your relationship.

#5 – You are your own person at the expense of the relationship.

Yes, being your own person in a relationship is very important. No one can be happy if they aren ‘ t being who they truly are.

Unfortunately, the need to be your own person can interfere with the health of a relationship.

In my marriage we had a struggle with this issue. I was the kind of person who was always polite and kind but also insisted on speaking my truth about what I wanted and confronting issues up front.

My ex, and his family, definitely didn ‘ t prescribe to my philosophy. They believed in fitting in with a crowd, going along with what the group wanted to do. They never addressed issues head on but rather said nothing, hoping it would all go away.

The struggle between me needing to be me and the needs of my ex-husband and his family was a profound one that ultimately led to the end of our marriage, I believe.

So, work hard to stay true to yourself in relationship but make sure that if it brings up any issues you are ready to face them head on with your partner before they ruin your relationship.

Good for you for wanting to keep your relationship healthy and doing the research, reading about boundaries and deciding how to apply them to your behaviors and your relationship. That is great work and should be applauded.

BUT, remember, if you don ‘ t share what you learned with your partner and tell them how you are going to apply them to your actions in relationship then you are doomed from the start.

Your partner might not understand why your behaviors are different or that they don ‘ t line up with his. Why is flexibility and respect so important to you? Why are you leaving him alone and insisting on being yourself? And if he doesn ‘ t understand that can definitely hurt a relationship.

So, set healthy relationship boundaries and expectations together and continually work to make sure they are helping your relationship and not hurting them!

Are you struggling with relationship boundaries and expectations?
They can be challenging. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

5 Things You Should Know about Having an Affair if You are Considering Having One

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So, you are thinking about having an affair.

You didn ‘ t go looking to have one but you have met a certain someone who rocks your world. The feelings you have for him are like none you have ever had before so it would be wrong to deny those feelings. Right?

Sound familiar?

To the uninitiated, having an affair is all about the sex. Don ‘ t get me wrong. Affairs ARE about sex. Wonderful, illicit, mind-blowing sex. But they are also about so much more.

What else, you ask?

Hold on, because what you are about to read might surprise you.

#1 – It will wake you up in a big way.

Affairs don ‘ t happen in a void. People who have affairs are often stuck in long-term, unhappy relationships. Sex is nonexistent, communication has broken down and love is dead.

Then, out of nowhere, someone new appears and changes everything.

I have a client who thought her life was fine. She wasn ‘ t happy but she didn ‘ t feel like the absence of love and sex was important to her. She had her kids and her friends and her work and, really, what else could a 40-year-old want?

Until she met him… and he totally got her! They could spend hours talking about everything and understood each other perfectly. He thought she was beautiful and told her so every text he sent her. Just thinking about him got her body tingling. And when they ultimately had sex. Boom!

She had been sleepwalking for years. Getting older every day, just being fine. No longer. She was awake. Every single-bitty part of her was wide awake.

#2 – You will have the best sex of your life.

Affair sex is sex of the likes of which you have never had before in your life. It’s better than anything you could ever imagine.

Affair sex is a drug ‘ ” a highly addictive, legal, potentially lethal drug. And once you have a hit, there is no going back.

Why?

Emotional connection marks the beginning of affairs, ones that can be months or years in the making. And that kind of extended emotional foreplay can only lead to intense sexual connection. Certainly, more intense than anything you have had recently or ever.

The sex is illicit. No matter how old we are, doing things that we aren ‘ t supposed to do is fun. I know someone who perfected the art of having sex in the pantry. No sheets needed to be changed and there were lots of fun walls and doors to be put to full use. The experimentation was the best part.

And then there are the orgasms. Our lives are dull, routine, chaotic, and jam-packed. The dopamine high from an orgasmcan last more than 5 hours. Imagine how much better grocery shopping or conference calls are when you are experiencing an orgasm high as well.

Once you have had affair sex, it ‘ s virtually impossible to stop. And this is why people can ‘ t walk away from it and they risk everything to have it. Everything.

#3 – You will be broken down into a million little pieces.

Affairs at the beginning are more exciting than anything you could ever have imagined. And then, not so much.

One of my clients had an affair with a stay-at-home dad. They had known each other for years and, one day, she needed him and he was there for her. Everything changed.

There was a new electricity between them that was addictive. And try as they might to not let it get physical, it did. It did over and over and over again. It was so much better than married people sex and neither one of them could get enough of it.

Soon the addiction of their affair started disrupting their lives. They would show up late to school functions because they had been squeezing in a quickie. Or they would manufacture late-night runs to the grocery store to spend time together.

Their relationships with their friends, at work, with their children and, of course, with their spouses suffered.

They tried to break it off. They knew the destruction it was causing. But, they just couldn ‘ t let go of the way that they felt when they were together.

My client hated herself. The tug of war between the emotional, sexual woman who she was in the throes of the affair and the person she was as a wife and a mother was killing her. She lost 20 pounds, stopped sleeping, cut off her friends, and ultimately had a nervous breakdown.

The thing that started off so magically almost killed her.

#4 – It will be almost impossible to walk away.

Many people enter into affairs thinking that it will be brief thing. ‘ ˜We will just have sex once and that will be it ‘ is often the thought process.

Unfortunately, once you have started an affair it is almost impossible to walk away from it. Once you have sex with another man, once you have crossed that threshold, there will be no turning back.

The person who you are in the affair, the one who is loved and loving, who is having great sex, who is appreciated and taken care of, the one who feels alive for the first time in years, will do anything to not have to go back to being the person they were before.

As a result, affairs often last until someone is caught because breaking away is virtually impossible. You might succeed for a few weeks or months but staying away is very hard. Personally, I don ‘ t know anyone who has succeeded, unless they are caught, and even then it’s very difficult.

#5 – It will change your life in a big way, in more ways than one.

When someone finally starts noticing who they are in the world, they start recognizing not only the need for a big change.

A client of mine had been miserable in her marriage for a long time. She tells the story about the first time a friend told her to leave her husband as they were driving their sons home from preschool. Their sons are now sophomores in college.

She fell madly in love ‘ ” and lust ‘ ” with a man she worked with. She went through the incredible highs, sure she had found the love of her life, and then, ultimately, she crashed and burned because that great love turned out to be just another man. Before she knew it, she had lost a year of her life and of her children ‘ s life. She was wrecked.

She did see, at the end of that year, having lived through the joys and the pain of love, lust, and deep emotion, that she had to leave her husband. The words that wouldn ‘ t come out of her mouth for 20 years came out readily ‘ ” and with conviction.

She knew that she would die, literally and figuratively, if she didn ‘ t get rid of the toxic men in her life and start building a life that would feed her soul. Her affair, and it ‘ s after-effects, gave her the power to do that.

If you are considering having an affair, think carefully before you do.

While affairs seem like they are all about sex, they are so much more. They will build you up and then tear you down in a way you could never have imagined.

You will become addicted to and obsessed with your affair in a way you have never been obsessed before.

Your affair will, in more ways than one, change your life forever.

So, tread lightly, my friend, and be careful. I know he seems like your soulmate but really, he is just another man. Do you want to risk your life for him?

Are you considering having an affair?
Think it through first and let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

What Are Relationship Boundaries And When Are They Appropriate?

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Have you been told that relationship boundaries are important? Do you wonder exactly what ARE relationship boundaries?

Are you eager to implement some but do you have no idea where to start?

Let me help!

To understand healthy relationship boundaries, look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds your life together. They hold your food and your bed and your possessions and it ‘ s where you live your life.

Healthy relationship boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your relationship as it grows. To have a healthy relationship, one that can grow and be fruitful, it is important that it has structures, boundaries, that support it.

Healthy relationship boundaries come in many shapes, sizes and colors and they are essential and appropriate for every relationship, whether it be new and exciting or more settled and safe.

It ‘ s important for each couple to decide what works for them but there are a few boundaries that are essential for every healthy relationship.

#1 – Don ‘ t let one person be in charge.

In many relationships it happens that at some point one person becomes the one calling the shots. And while this seems to work on one level, ultimately the relationship will become uneven. And when things are uneven a relationship changes.

So, make an effort to keep the decision-making even in the relationship. If you are good at organizing your social life then do that but give him opportunity to choose events. If he is good at managing the finances let him do that but continue to have input into where the money goes and why.

Letting your relationship become uneven allows it to slip into a sort of parent/child dynamic, where one person is in charge and the other does as they are told. Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you?

Not so much.

#2 – Respect each other.

One of the biggest romance killers in a relationship is lack of respect and contempt.

The saying ‘ ˜familiarity breeds contempt ‘ is an accurate one and something that happens in many committed relationships.

Examples of acting with contempt are rolling your eyes when your partner says something, criticizing their clothing, belittling their expressions. Does any of that sound familiar to you? Are you guilty of doing this at times? DON ‘ T. Contempt will kill a relationship faster than almost anything else.

It is important in every relationship that you each respect each other. Respect each other within the confines of your relationship by speaking to each other honestly, sharing your feelings and needs in an open way. By not attacking each other personally and criticizing each other ‘ s behaviors and actions.

Furthermore, it ‘ s important to not criticize your partner out in the world. The general rule of thumb is that you not tell something about your partner to anyone that you haven ‘ t already shared with your partner.

When I was married, I talked to my friends WAY more about the problems in my marriage than I did to my husband. This didn ‘ t do our relationship any good because we weren ‘ tcommunicatingand giving our relationship a chance to improve. And when we were together I treated my husband with contempt because I no longer respected him.

I am no longer married.

So, make sure you treat each other with respect, both inside and outside the relationship.

#3 – Don ‘ t lose yourselves.

So many women, when they are in a relationship, become less of themselves.

Many women take on their partner ‘ s friendships, their hobbies and their ways of doing things.

It is VERY important that all womenstay themselveswhen in a relationship.

Why? Because every healthy relationship is based on truth and, if you are anything other than your true self, your relationship will never be really healthy.

It is also important that you continue to respect yourself and you will respect yourself by being yourself. By continuing to have your friends, to do your own hobbies, to have a career that you love and a healthy lifestyle that serves you, you will wake up every day feeling good about yourself.

And when you feel good about yourself your partner will love you even more because he knows you are being your true self, someone who is ambitious and smart and willing to take risks to get what she wants.

So, be yourself in your relationship. Ahealthy relationshiprequires it.

#4 – Spend time apart.

When they are falling in love, couples want to spend every available minute together. The feelings that accompany falling in love are addictive and hard to walk away from even for a short while.

It is important, however, that you spend time apart from the one you love.

You know the old saying ‘ ˜absence makes the heart grow fonder? ‘ It ‘ s true!

Think about how you feel when you go on a diet. How you can ‘ t eat ice cream for a month while you lose those 5 pounds and, man, do you miss your ice cream. It ‘ s the same thing in a relationship. Stepping away from your partner, even for a bit, makes you both notice the void that is created in his or her absence.

And then the heart grows fonder.

So, spend some time apart. Miss each other. Value each other. Keep that spark alive.

#5 – Be flexible.

I have a client who recently bought a house for herself and her boyfriend moved in with her. Right away they had issues because it was her house and she wanted to do things her way and that just wasn ‘ t okay with him.

It is important that everyone be flexible in a relationship. Just like you would at work or with your family, it is important to work with your partner so that you can both live a life that is authentic to you.

You know the phrase ‘ My way or the highway? ‘ That phrase has no place in any healthy relationship.

So, embrace flexibility. Choose the things that are important to you and stay true to them but be willing to see what might be important to your man and work with him so that you both can live a life that makes you happy. Together and apart.

Examining what are healthy relationship boundaries is an excellent way to ensure that you have a good strong relationship that will last forever.

Relationships are built from two people who have two separate lives and two separate ways of living. It is important that the couple build a new life together. A new life with four walls that will keep it safe and strong.

So, don ‘ t let one of you be in charge, respect each other, like yourself, spend time apart and be flexible.

Talk to your partner and build your house from a place of love and beauty and self-confidence, one that will be strong enough to stand the test of time and allow your relationship to be a healthy one.

You can do it!

Are you struggling with establishing boundaries in your relationship?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

Why Women Struggle With Letting Go of a Toxic Love

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A few years back I was in a relationship that was not good for me. The man I loved was bad for me in so many ways but I just couldn ‘ t leave him. Or if I did manage to leave him he would reappear a few days or weeks later and suck me back in. And I let him. Over and over and over.

Looking back, I have wondered why this was so. Why I just couldn ‘ t let go. I think I have figured it out and want to share what I have learned with you.

#1 – We are afraid of being alone.

It is the human condition to want to be in a pair. To have someone to share one ‘ s life and experiences with. That is the goal.

Unfortunately, for many of us, we are willing to settle for ‘ ˜good enough ‘ when it comes to finding the other half of our twosome. We believe that if we let go of the bird in hand that we will NEVER find another man to love. The prospect of putting ourselves out there again so that we can find that person is overwhelmingly daunting. So, we hold onto the one we have now. No matter how bad they are for us.

Let me tell you, from decades of personal and professional experience, there is always another person out there for us. We might not find them right away but we will NEVER find them if we stay in the relationship that we are in.

So, if you are staying in your toxic relationship because you believe that if you leave you will always be alone, let me tell you that you won ‘ t! There is a guy out there for you, a guy who will be your perfect half, who will make you whole.

#2 – We don ‘ t feel great about ourselves.

I can ‘ t tell you how many of my clients who are in toxic relationships have very low self-esteem.

They just don ‘ t believe that they are worthy of good love and, if they do, they have no idea how to go out and find it.

Unfortunately, the result of toxic relationships can be the lowering of self -esteem. We are unhappy, isolated from our friends, belittled for any perceived shortcomings and know, deep down, that we aren ‘ t being treated well.

And if we don ‘ t feel good about ourselves we attract men who don ‘ t feel good about us either.

For me, part of letting go of my toxic love was focusing on my business. I was able to redirect the pain of letting go of the relationship into something that made me feel really good about myself. And feeling good about myself allowed me to let him go and find someone who sees just how awesome I am.

#3 – We can ‘ t break the pattern.

I can ‘ t overemphasize enough how big a role patterns play in our lives.

Think about your daily routines and patterns and how off you feel those days that your routines are broken. Like if you always have breakfast before you head out the door and one day you just can ‘ t and how you just don ‘ t feel yourself for the rest of the day.

Now imagine this in relationship. When a relationship is new and good we establish patterns and routines with our partners. And those patterns and routines become entrenched in our brains. Breaking them can be nearly impossible.

Do you imagine what Christmas would be like without your partner? Or wonder who you would go to the movies with on Wednesdays? Those are the patterns that keep us with our toxic loves.

Interestingly, even the breaking up and getting back together gets routine. With my toxic relationship, I would break up with him and then, like clockwork, in 8 weeks he would reach out to me and before I knew it I was back where I started. I can ‘ t tell you how many times that happened.

I have since learned that if you can get past that 8 week mark you can break a pattern. And I can promise you that you will find someone else to go to the movies with on Wednesdays.

#4 – We blame ourselves.

One of the most insidious things about toxic love is that, after a while, we start to blame ourselves for everything that is going wrong.

I have a client whose husband had a relationship with one of their employees. For three years my client has asked her husband to fire that woman and for three years he has promised to and hasn ‘ t. She is beside herself and rightly so.

The thing is, her husband has done a remarkable job making her feel like their issues are HER fault. He says that if she could just let this go they could be happy. That she has no compassion for this other woman ‘ s children – what would they do if their mother had no income? Because of his accusations, she truly questions her mental health some days.

Do you blame yourself for not letting go of your toxic love? Do you believe that if you could just have been a little bit nicer or paid more attention to him or had sex with him when he wanted you to that everything would be just fine?

If yes, stop. Your man is making your life difficult and, while you might play a role in the situation, I can promise you that it ‘ s NOT all your fault.

#5 – We feel like our connection is like none other.

Do you believe that the relationship that you share with your man is like none other. That the intense passion and connection that you share can not compare with anyone else ‘ s relationship and that letting it go would be such a waste?

Let me tell you, EVERYONE feels that way about their relationship. I hate to burst your bubble but, while the love you have for this man might be strong, it ‘ s not the ultimate love in the world and letting go of it will not be the end of it.

As a matter of fact, if you can let go of your toxic love then you are WAY more likely to find a connection that is real and wonderful and magic.

I did.

Letting go of toxic love is very difficult. Probably one of the most difficult things you will ever have to do.

But letting go of toxic love is very important for a happy life. Can you imagine spending the rest of your life living with someone who makes your life miserable more often then he makes you happy?

Could you ever be happy if the rest of your life is the same as your life today?

I know that, for me, finally getting out of my toxic relationship gave me the time, strength and focus to build my business and my self-esteem. It made me understand that I could break patterns and not only survive but thrive. I learned that I was okay being alone and that while to me our love was special, really there is other, better love in this world.

So, what are you waiting for? Letting go of a toxic love is something that you can start doing right now!

If you have made it this far you must really be struggling to get away from a toxic love.
Let me help you, NOW, before the you get any more hurt!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

5 Questions People In Healthy Relationships Ask Each Other Every Day

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You know those times when you are standing in line for the movies and you see a couple in front of you who look just so ridiculously happy? And don ‘ t you think to yourself ‘ ˜I want that but how? ‘

People in healthy relationships don ‘ t know some secret that you don ‘ t know. What they do know are 5 questions that they ask each other every single day.

Let me tell you what they are ‘ ¦

#1 – Can I talk to you about something?

When your guy does something that upsets you, do you tell him? Or do you keep it inside and let it fester. Do you start to watch out for times that he does that thing again and let it piss you off every time?

People in the happiest relationships don ‘ t do that. They don ‘ t let things fester and grow bigger than they need to be.

People in the happiest relationships are strong enough to tell their partner when something upsets them so that they can work it out and move on. So that anger doesn ‘ t fester and threaten their happiness.

So be brave and honest. Talk to your partner. For the sake of your relationship.

#2 – Would you like to go do something together?

Do you seek out time to spend with your partner? Does he want to spend time with you? Do you have things that you enjoy doing together and do you do them?

People who are in the happiest relationships are people who make an effort to spend time together. I am not saying that you should spend ALL your time together but it is important that you and your guy share time and experiences. These things bring you closer together and keep your relationship healthy and happy.

So, ask your guy if he wants to go to the movies tonight. Have fun!

#3 – What can I do to make your life a better place?

When we first start out in a relationship, we make efforts every day to do things that make our partners happy. We bring them flowers, we let them borrow our car, we tell them how cute they are, we write them cards full of sweet nothings.

But as a relationship matures those things tend to fade away. The craziness of modern life makes us start to neglect our relationships because other things, like kids, jobs, parents, distract us. We always think that we can neglect our relationships and that they will still be there when we are ready to pay attention again but that isn ‘ t always true.

So, ask your partner what you can do for them. And be careful not to assume what they want you to do. Ask them. I used to make my husband lunch everyday as a way to show him that I loved him. What he wanted was hugs so, when he didn ‘ t get those, he didn ‘ t feel loved.

Ask your guy how you can make his world a better place. You will be happy you did.

#4 – Have I told you today how much I love you?

If there is one thing that I hear most from my unhappily married couples its, when I ask them if they tell their partner they love them, they say ‘ ˜Oh, he knows I love him. I don ‘ t have to tell him. ‘

Yeah, this is not necessarily so.

Relationships are long and they can be fraught with challenges. And when those challenges become harder to deal with people start to question their partner ‘ s devotion. And those questions can cause the slow demise of a heathy relationship.

So, tell your partner you love him every day.

#5 – Will you please give me a hug?

Many married couples I know not only never have sex but very rarely even touch each other.

They say that couples who hug each other for 10 contiguous seconds a day are happier than couples who don ‘ t. That is because physical closeness is key for any happy relationship.

So, let your guy know that you want to touch him. I can guarantee that he will be happy to accommodate you. For guys, touch is way more important than words so if you can just give him a hug, especially after a disagreement, you will be going a long way towards giving him what he wants.

Being in a healthy relationship is the goal for everyone. It ‘ s the stuff that fairy tales are made of and who doesn ‘ t want the fairy tale.

But having a happy relationship doesn ‘ t just happen. It takes dedication and intention.

So, ask your partner if you can talk, if they want to play, if you can make their life a better place, if they know how much you care and if a hug might be in the cards.

Ask questions to make your relationship the happiest that it can be.

You can do it!

Do you need help with your relationship?
Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

How to Know if You are in a Healthy Relationship That Will Last Forever

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Are you wondering how to know if you are in a healthy relationship? Do you want to know what healthy relationships look like so that you can compare yours and see if anything is missing? Do you want to live happily ever after?

Let me help!

There ARE ways to know if you are in a healthy relationship. Read on to learn how.

#1 – Is communication easy?

Being able to talk about anything is the key to a healthy relationship.

Can you tell yourpartner when you don ‘ t like something that he does? Or that seeing his mother EVERY Sunday is more than you would like? Or that you really don ‘ t like extra sausage on your pizza? Or that that thing he likes to do in bed is just a little bit much for you?

Without honest communication, a relationship just cannot be healthy. Truth is the basis of any strong relationship that will last and if you can ‘ t tell your partner what you need, or be receptive to what he does, then your relationship is doomed

So, work hard to be honest with your partner about everything in your life so that your relationship can stay healthy.

#2 – Is the sex fun?

Having a healthysex life is an important part of every healthy relationship.

The thing about sex is that, because you are only having sex with one person, your relationship to that person is different from your relationship with every other person in your world. Your relationship is special because of the unique bond that is created by sex.

So, if your sex life is something that you just put up with, don ‘ t really enjoy, or even dread, then it ‘ s time to act. Think about what is lacking, what could be done differently, what exactly you need to get the zip back. Because without it, your relationship might be in trouble.

Talk to your partner about how you feel and figure out, together, how to make things work for both of you.

#3 – Are times with family and friends easy?

Having a good connection with your significant other ‘ s friends andfamily is another really important part of a healthy relationship.

Do you enjoy the weekly meals with his family? The dinners out with his friends and their spouses? Cheering for his softball team every Thursday night?

Like it or not, when someone becomes part of a couple, their partner ‘ s previous relationships come along too. And if you don ‘ t get along with his friends and family it can cause a huge rift. He will want to spend time with all of you and if he is forced to choose he will resent it.

So, check in to see if you are both on board with liking each other ‘ s friends. It ‘ s important that you do. If you don ‘ t, see if there are ways that you can work together to improve those relationships so that they don ‘ t tear you and your loved one apart.

#4 – Is there respect not contempt?

Of course, it ‘ s important to like and love the person with whom you are in a relationship. What is even more important is that you respect them.

When we first enter into a relationship, we think the person we are with is amazing. Everything that they say or do is just fine. But the longer a relationship continues, the more we get to know our partner. And with familiarity comes contempt.

Do you like the way your partner interacts with people? Do you respect the work that he does? Are you happy with the way he parents your kids?

If yes, yay! Make sure you tell him regularly. People like being told they are doing a good job.

However, if you are in a relationship with someone who you can ‘ t respect, for whatever reason, who you regularly are critical of and treat with contempt, then you are in a relationship that won ‘ t last.

Respecting the person you are with, respecting the choices that they make, the values they uphold, the way they are in the world, is an essential part of being happy together.

#5 – Is there lots of laughter?

Laughter is the number one aphrodisiac that I know of. People who can laugh together, often, will stay more attached, emotionally and physically, then those who don ‘ t.

Do you and your partner laugh together and have fun together. Do you laugh often, even in times of stress? Do you like to do the same things? The things that make you both happy? Do you have inside jokes that only you share?

Make sure that you and your partner enjoy life together. You will be glad you did!

#6 – Do you want to spend time together?

This is a big one. Do you and your partner actually make an effort to spend time together? Or do you make excuses to not have to do so?

A client of mine would come up with every excuse in the world to not spend time with her husband. Once a week, and some weekends, she left her husband at home with the kids and went out and did other things. She tried to come home after he went to bed so that she didn ‘ t have to deal with him. She was happier being away from him than with him.

Guess what happened! She and her husband become profoundly disconnected and he started spending more time with a female co-worker who DID want to spend time with him. That didn ‘ t end well.

If you don ‘ t want to spend time with your partner then your relationship is not healthy. Talk to your husband and try to figure out what you can do to get more connected.

#7 – Do you feel good about yourself?

Feeling good about yourself is key to a healthy relationship.

If you feel good about who you are in the world, if you don ‘ t feel like you need someone to ‘ ˜complete you, ‘ if you know that you will be just fine alone, then you are in a place to have a healthy relationship.

People who are needy or clingy or fraught with insecurities do not make good partners.

Sotake care of yourself and be all that you can be so that you can be a positively contributing half of a healthy relationship.

#8- Do you have dreams for the future?

People in healthy relationships share their plans for the future.

They think about tomorrow, next week, next month and even next year.

They do so because they are invested in being together and part of being together is making plans for the future.

If either one of you isn ‘ t interested in talking about the future then you are not in a relationship that has one.

Knowing how to tell if you are in a healthy relationship is a key part of having one.

Relationships are difficult and if you just let them sail along without paying any attention then they might very well founder. So good for you for paying attention!

Keep this checklist close and review it regularly. If you see anything amiss make an effort to fix it as soon as possible. Relationships can be irreparably damaged if they aren ‘ t managed with care.

You can do this! It will be worth it.

Would you like to keep your relationship healthy?
Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

How To Know When To Let Go Of A Lost Love

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Are you in a relationship right now that is making you unhappy. Are you scaredabout what’s next and wondering how to know when to let go of a lost love because right now you are feeling nothing but pain?

Let me help you.

Deciding to let go of someone you love is a very hard thing to do. Much like the hope that a coma victim will wake up, the hope of resurrecting lost love is one that ‘ s hard to let go of.

So how do you decide? Check out my list below. If any, or all, of these criteria fit your situation then perhaps it ‘ s time to let go.

#1 – Your thoughts are only about him.

Do you spend much of your waking hours thinking about your man? Do you spend hours stalking him on social media, listening to songs that remind you of him, trying to figure out ways to run into him?

If the answers to the above questions are ‘ ˜yes, ‘ then you are actually experiencing something called obsessive love. Obsessive love is when one person feels an obsessive desire to possess and protect another person with an inability to accept rejection or failure.

Love is a wonderful, giving, open emotion. Obsession is a harsh, angry, destructive one.

So, if the love you feel for you man is obsession, then it ‘ s definitely time to let go. It ‘ s not healthy for either of you.

#2 – He gives you mixed messages.

Is your man alternating hot and cold? Does some days he seem like his loving self and then others he is crabby and distant and no fun to be with?

Unless your man has bi-polar disorder, a man who is playing up and down with his woman is a man no longer interested.

If a man wants something, particularly a woman, he will move heaven and earth to get it. If your man only wants you some days and not others then he isn ‘ t making any effort at all to keep you.

So, unless your man is always hot for you, let him go.

#3 – He gives you nothing.

Having a man who runs hot and cold can be very upsetting. Even worse, but harder to spot, is a man who gives you nothing.

Has your man stopped asking how you are doing? Has he stopped asking you out on dates or bringing home the groceries or including you in activities with his friends? Does he no longer listen when you talk or seem to care at all about what you think?

A man like this is a man who has nothing left to give to the woman he used to love.

Unfortunately, for many women, when they are trying to save a relationship that was once so promising, they become so obsessed with saving it that they don ‘ t notice how little of it still exists. They will talk more to fill in the silences left by the absence of questions. They will invite themselves along on outings they weren ‘ t invited to. They will plan things that the two of them can do together. As a result, women don ‘ t notice that their man has completely checked out.

So, take a moment and think about your relationship. What has your man done for you lately? If the list is short then it ‘ s time to let him go.

#4 – History keeps repeating itself.

Are you and your guy stuck in a cycle of good and bad, up and down, highs and lows? Are there days when things feel almost like they used to and then days when things are so bad that you want to cry?

Does your man tell you that he needs space and disappear only to reappear a few weeks later telling you how much he misses you?

If you find yourself in these kinds of patterns, where things are never constantly good but rather a roller coaster of emotions that is sucking you dry, then it ‘ s time to let go.

#5 – When you believe that you can never love again.

Be honest. Do you sometimes think that you just can ‘ t let this guy go because you believe if you do that you will never love, or be loved, again?

Do you think about going back on Match.com or that you might have to attend the Christmas party alone and feel nothing but dread at the prospect?

If you are feeling this way then it ‘ s definitely time to let go of your man. If you are staying with your guy because you are worried that there won ‘ t ever be someone else then you are staying with him for the wrong reasons.

Because there will be another love out there for you but you will never find him if you are stuck a relationship that isn ‘ t making you happy. If you can let go of this one then you will set yourself up, physically and energetically, to find that person who will love you forever.

I am guessing that you are reading this article because you suspect, deep down, that the relationship you are in isn ‘ t the one for you. But it ‘ s hard to admit this and even harder to let go.

It is essential, for your mental health and the health of your future love life, that you pay hard attention to whether it ‘ s time to let go of a lost love.

Is he treating you well? Is the love you feel for him healthy? Are you worried you will never love again?

Ask yourself these questions and, if the answers fit, be determined to let go of your lost love.

And just how do you do that? Check out this article: 5 Life Saving Ways to Let Go of Someone Who Doesn ‘ t Love You so that You Can Be Happy. It will guide you, step by step, through a process that might be difficult but that will be worth it in the long run.

You CAN do this!

Are you struggling with figuring out when to let go of love?
I know it’s really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

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