5 Strategies For Surviving Infidelity And Depression

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When you began your affair did you ever imagine that you would someday find yourself reading an article on surviving infidelity and depression?

Did you ever in your wildest dreams think that the thing that started out to be so amazingly wonderous would lead you down this dark path to where you find yourself today?

The thing about infidelity is that it ‘ s a mass of contradictions. When you are with your person you are high as a kite. You are madly in love and the sex is great. And then, when you aren ‘ t with this person, you feel like shit. Your self-worth is in the toilet and you are wracked with guilt.

And what comes with the guilt? Depression.

Fortunately, there are strategies for surviving infidelity and depression.

#1 – Keep your mind busy.

I have a married client who was having an affair with a married man, a stay at home dad she had known for years but with whom she had just started a sexual relationship.

From the moment the affair began, she was obsessed with this man and how alive he made her feel. Her marriage was not a happy one, and she didn ‘ t really like her stay at home mom life, so this affair was the perfect escape from her hum drum existence.

Unfortunately, this obsession only got worse the longer the affair lasted. She would think about him morning, noon and night. She didn ‘ t sleep and was distracted from her chores and her kids and keeping the family train on track.

The obsession was eating her alive and, man, she was depressed.

We knew that she needed to do something that would take her mind off her guy, even for a bit. She decided that she would give yoga a try. And it WORKED!

For my client, to spend even just 1.5 hours a day at a yoga class, focusing on the breath and challenging poses instead of her guy, was enough of a break for her to reduce the obsession. Her mind got to rest which was a huge relief for her.

She still couldn ‘ t let go of him but her mind quieted and he consumed less of her head space. It also helped to ease her depression, if only for a bit.

#2 – Keep your friends close.

This same client, because she was so obsessed with being available whenever her guy was available, slowly but surely cut out her relationships with her friends.

Whereas before her affair she would go for walks with her friends or go to the movies or get involved in committees, now my client did nothing but sit around the house, alone, trying to get things done, wondering where her guy was and when she was going to see him again.

Because she didn ‘ t see her friends, and hadn ‘ t told any of them about her affair, she really started to sink into a depression. No longer did she have her support system to help her make it through the day. She didn ‘ t have friends to process things with and she no longer laughed with them as they walked in the woods.

It is important that, no matter what kind of relationship you are in, that you keep your friends. Relationships come and go but your friends will always be there to help you through.

You won ‘ t be stuck dealing with your depression by yourself.

So, go pick up the phone and call someone RIGHT NOW!

#3 – Keep working towards your goals.

For my client, before she started her affair, she had big goals. Her kids were old enough to be in school full day and she wanted to rekindle her previously successful real estate career.

To that end, she got re-licensed and reached out to her old boss. He was thrilled to have her back because she had been a high achiever before her kids were born.

So, my client tried to go back to work. She tried to get herself going the way she used to. To network for clients. To get listings. To put herself out there and succeed.

But, not matter how she tried, she just couldn ‘ t.

My client was so obsessed with her affair that she wasn ‘ t able to put herself out there to succeed. As a result, her depression deepened because not only was she having an affair that she was obsessed with but she could seem to get her own life back even a smidge.

So, if you are trying to survive infidelity and depression, make sure you work your hardest to not let your life goals fall by the wayside. Continue your upwards trajectory so that your self-esteem doesn ‘ t get lost along the way.

#4 – Keep your body fit.

After a year of having an affair, my client had lost twenty pounds. She didn ‘ t eat or sleep or take care of herself. She was a quivering mess of nerves. Her depression had deepened.

Then she started doing yoga to quiet her mind and it really helped. After a few months she noticed that her body was getting stronger. She gained some of the weight back and was feeling healthier.

When she looked in the mirror and saw that she no longer looked like a skeleton but somewhat resembled her old self, her depression eased a bit. A small light at the end of the tunnel for her but a light nonetheless.

So, if you are struggling depression caused by your affair, make sure that you take care of yourself and keep your body strong. Make sure you sleep and eat well and get at least 30 minutes of exercise that raises your heartbeat.

Nothing fights depression like the dopamine that is created by a little aerobic exercise!

#5 – Keep working towards letting go.

The number one best strategy for surviving infidelity and depression is also the hardest one. Can you guess what it is? Yep, it ‘ s letting go of your guy.

When my client began her affair, she assumed it would be a one-time thing. Twice, max. But her affair went on and on and on. For 3 years in fact. And for that entire time, she struggled to let go of her love and move on.

She would tell him they were done and they would be, for anywhere from a week to 6 months. And during those brief periods she got her life back. She would see her friends, find her drive, calm her thoughts and no longer be depressed.

But, every time, they would fall back into their relationship and she found herself right back where she started – depressed.

So, keep trying to break things off with your guy. It ‘ s one of the hardest things you will ever have to do but it is possible!

When you do, you will have your life back. How great would that be?

Surviving infidelity and depression is not an easy feat. It might even be the hardest thing that you ever do. But you CAN DO IT!

Very rarely do we seek out infidelity – usually it appears just when our life seems bleakest, when our marriage is struggling and we have lost some of ourselves. Unfortunately, once infidelity gets it ‘ s claws in you, it ‘ s hard to break free.

But there are ways to manage your depression along the way. Keep your mind busy, your friends close, your ambition high, and your body toned. And don ‘ t EVER stop trying to break away from your lover. I know that you love him but anyone who is wreaking this much havoc in your life is just not good for you!

My client did it. Her life today is great. She left her marriage but she has a new life, with a new man. She is healthy and happy and living a life that is true to herself and to her beliefs.

You can have that too! I promise.

Is your infidelity wreaking havoc on your emotional health?
Let me help, NOW, before it makes everything worse!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

How to Stop Feeling Depressed After Letting Go of Love

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Are you feeling depressed after letting go of love?

Were you in a relationship that just wasn ‘ t working anymore and were you forced to let go of it?

Do you find yourself alone now and feeling depressed, hopeless that you will never be happy again?

Let me tell you that you aren ‘ t alone – that there are many women out there RIGHT NOW feeling the way you do. And the good news – you will all feel better soon. I promise!

How? Let me share what I know ‘ ¦.

#1 – Accept that you are going to be sad.

You have just broken up with someone you love. The hopes and dreams that you had for the future have been completely dashed. You are spending time alone that you used to spend with him. Your life is totally different and, honestly, not so great.

You are going to be sad. You are going to be devastated. And it ‘ s okay.

I remember, less than 12 hours after my mother died, my step-father was telling himself to snap out of it, to not be sad. He couldn ‘ t handle the pain that he was feeling. So, he stuffed it down. And, 4 years later, he is still overwhelmed by his loss.

It is important to be okay with the emotions that you are feeling. It isn ‘ t a reflection of any weakness on your part. It ‘ s a reflection of the pain that you are feeling. And it is important that you feel those feelings. That you feel the pain and the sadness and the regret and whatever emotions arise as a result of the break up.

Only by truly feeling and processing emotions are you able to work through them and let them go.

So, embrace your emotions. Own them as your own. Process them and let them go. If you do so, you will be able to let go feeling depressed after letting go of love.

#2 – Take care of yourself.

One of the reasons that it ‘ s so hard to get over feeling depressed after letting go of love is because when we are feeling depressed we stop taking care of ourselves.

Are you spending large amounts of time in your pjs, eating ice cream? When you do go out are you drinking more than usual? Are you not sleeping? Have you gotten any kind of exercise in recent memory?

If you have answered yes to any of these questions then you are not alone. I don ‘ t know many women who doesn ‘ t treat emotional issues with ice cream instead of marathons. So, don ‘ t feel bad but do try to make some change.

If you can ‘ t sleep, take some melatonin to help you get some. If you are eating ice cream, try to eat just a little bit less. Try to get off the couch and take a walk.

Taking care of yourself in this rough time is an essential piece of getting over feeling depressed after letting go of love.

#3- Do things that make you happy.

I am someone who struggles with depression every day and one of the key things that I do when I am depressed is make sure that I do things that I know make me happy on good days.

What kind of things? I watch movies. I eat Pad Thai. I have sex. I spend time with my kids.

There is factual evidence that doing things that make you happy, that make you smile, actually help to alleviate depression. The actual act of smiling has been proven to change the chemicals firing in your brain, the ones that are causing the depression.

So, what makes you happy? I know that you are feeling depressed and the idea of doing ANYTHING is too much to bear but get up off the couch and do JUST ONE THING that you enjoy doing. See what happens.

#4 – Stay off social media.

For some reason, when we are going through a break-up, we can ‘ t resist the temptation to stalk our guy on social media. The temptation to see what he is up to, who he is hanging out with, who he might be seeing is just too much to resist.

When you do it, does it make you feel better? I didn ‘ t think so.

One of the most important parts of getting over feeling depressed after letting go of love is to remove yourself completely from anything to do with your ex. Block him on your phone. Disconnect from him on Facebook, Instagram, etc. Don ‘ t talk to your friends about what he is doing.

Instead, pretend like he just doesn ‘ t exist. Pretend that he is a guy you used to know who has disappeared off the face of the earth. The less you think and know about your ex, the easier it will be for you to get over him.

#5 – Put yourself back out there.

I know. I know. The prospect of getting back into another relationship is the last thing that you want to do. To give of yourself to someone else when you still have love for another person.

And that is fair. But it ‘ s also important that you don ‘ t stop living your life. You only have one life and it ‘ s short.

So, if someone from work invites you out for a drink, do it! Go to the movies with friends. If you are invited to a party, go to it. Put yourself back out in the world and into the path of love. You will meet new people, have new experiences and maybe find yourself another person to call your own.

If you stay home, on the couch, watching The Bachelor, eating ice cream you might feel safe and less vulnerable, but you will also stay depressed because you have stopped living your life and you just won ‘ t feel good about yourself.

Put yourself out there. Live your life. You will be glad you did.

Feeling depressed after letting go of love is a horrible feeling. What we want more than anything is to feel relieved at finally having the strength to get out of a relationship that wasn ‘ t serving us.

Unfortunately, it most often doesn ‘ t work that way because grief, and the depression that accompanies it, is usually the first part of the healing process. Luckily, grief is only the first step and that there is hope for your future.

So, embrace your grief, feel it and release it. Take care of yourself, do things that make you happy, stay off social media and get yourself out there.

When you are ready, sooner than later I hope, you can let go of your love and reach out for a new one – yourself.

Is your broken heart leaving you incredibly depressed?
Let me help, NOW, before the depression takes over!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

5 Unmistakable Signs that You Are Most Likely to End Up Divorced

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No one goes into marriage wanting to get divorced.

Rather,we all have visions of finding our prince and living happily ever after.

Unfortunately, most marriages today end in divorce. Mine did after 18 years. It was a surprise to me but the signs were all there.

Since then, and working with many clients over the years, I have learned that there are 5 unmistakable signs that you are most likely to end up divorced and I can spot at 50 yards a couple who just won ‘ t make it.

What are the signs that indicate you are most likely to end up divorced? Let me share ‘ ¦

#1 – Unrealistic expectations have been set.

Often times, when people enter into marriage, they believe that they have found their soul mate. That this person will be their lover and their best friend and the father of their children and that love will guide them through it all.

Unfortunately, these expectations just aren ‘ t reality based. No one can be everything to one person. To expect someone to be everything to you is setting yourself up for disappointment.

People in the healthiest marriages are people who have many people in their lives, people who are their friends and mentors and support systems. They have their partner for love and intimacy but many other people who can be there for them, for fun and support.

So, go ahead. Marry that prince of yours. But be realistic in your expectations of what your relationship will look like and don ‘ t let yourself be disappointed.

#2 – Communication has become impossible.

Marriages that end in divorce usually involve people who just can not communicate. They aren ‘ t able to talk about their feelings and they aren ‘ t able to listen to other ‘ s talk about theirs.

Marriage is a lifetime journey and two people occupying the same space for such a long time can be challenging. To manage it effectively, it ‘ s important that people communicate.

When issues arise, it is important that they are addressed head on, with clearly spoken words and someone on the receiving end to hear them. It is important that there is a give and take so that everyone ‘ s needs are met so that both people feel safe and secure in the marriage.

Couples who can ‘ t communicate, who aren ‘ t able to share their issues, are couples who will start looking elsewhere for someone to be in a relationship with because the one they are in seems beyond repair.

#3 – People can ‘ t read minds.

How many times have you thought He should know that I need him to pay attention to me after the kids go to bed. Who wouldn ‘ t want that?

Yes, in the movies, the hero is always able to look at his woman and guess intuitively what she wants but, unfortunately, it just isn ‘ t like that in real life.

IF you want something, ASK FOR IT. Tell you partner specifically what you need so that he can give it to you.

I can promise you that your man wants to do whatever it is that makes you happy but expecting him to read your mind about what it is is setting yourself up for disappointment. You might start searching for somebody else to read your mind and that could end your marriage quickly.

#4 – Things are taken personally.

I have a client who takes everything personally.She asked her husband to stop on his way home from work and look at the windows that she had chosen for their house renovation. Unfortunately, he forgot. Work got busy and then he got hungry and he just forgot.

My client, instead of being understanding or angry, took his actions a reflection of his feelings for her. If you loved me, she said, then you would have remembered to look at the windows.

My client ‘ s husband, after 15 years of this kind of response to his actions, finally gave up trying to please her and left the marriage.

It is important that one understand that other people ‘ s actions are not necessarily a reflection of the way they feel about you. Of course, at times they are, but to think that if every action your partner takes is a reflection of his feelings for you then your marriage is doomed.

So, when he lets you down, let him know that he did so but don ‘ t think that it ‘ s because he doesn ‘ t love you. Because, most likely, he does.

#5 – Change doesn ‘ t happen.

The number one reason why, after a tumultuous marriage, divorce happens is because people refuse to change.

Of course, as marriages go on for years, people evolve. After 20 years of marriage, I was definitely a different person than the bright eyed girl who walked down the aisle that day.

And, as my husband and I realized that we were no longer seeing eye to eye, we went to therapy. And in therapy we both identified things that needed to change for us to stay married.

Unfortunately, the things that needed to be changed – my lack of interest in sex and his interest in drinking – just weren ‘ t changeable. We tried but, ultimately, we failed and we went our separate ways.

So, if faced with needing to make some change to save your marriage, work hard to do so. Divorce can be hard and if you can do anything to stop it, do it!

Marriage is messy. We all enter into it with the best intentions but we often get lost along the way.

If you want your marriage to succeed, make sure you choose someone you can talk to, don ‘ t set your expectations too high, don ‘ t expect mindreading or take things too personally and be willing to make change if it ‘ s the right thing to do.

You can do it! It ‘ s worth it!

Are you worried that your marriage might end up in divorce?
Let me help, NOW, before any more damage is done!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

5 Surprising Reasons Your Man Is Useless When You Are Emotional

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Ok. Picture this. Your man has just said something that has upset you in a big way. He might not have meant to do it but he did. You throw your dishtowel at him, burst into tears and rush out of the room.

What would you like to have happen next? Maybe that he will follow you out of the room, curl you up in his arms and soothe you with words of love and regret. That would definitely make you feel better.

And what does he do instead? Nothing. Nothing.

Twice in the past week I have had conversations about this topic with men and I learned that when we get upset or angry, our man doesn ‘ t rush to help us not because he doesn ‘ t want to but because he can ‘ t.

Why can ‘ t he? Read on ‘ ¦

#1 – His mind goes blank.

Every man I talk to says the same thing: When she is upset my mind goes absolutely blank. Blank.

This surprised me. As a woman, when faced with someone ‘ s emotions, I can literally feel the gears in my brain turning, quickly, searching for the right thing to say or do and, usually whatever I decide happens almost instantly.

Not so with guys. Apparently, when faced with an emotional woman, men truly have no idea what to say or do. That is why they just stand there, paralyzed and not helpful, in the face of our tears.

So, next time you are upset, pause for a minute (if you can) and see if your guy is standing there with a blank expression on his face. If he is, know it ‘ s not because he doesn ‘ t care. It ‘ s because his brain has literally stopped working. At least for the time being.

#2 – His heart races.

When faced with an emotional woman, men can actually have a physical reaction.

Much like when they are watching an exciting football game where their team is winning with just a few seconds left but the other team has the opportunity for a field goal, a man who is faced with an angry girl has a racing heart.

When the heart races it ‘ s because the adrenaline has kicked in. And when adrenaline kicks in our instincts are instantly primal, not logical or emotional, as we might like them to be. And for a man, when his adrenaline kicks in, his tendency is not to sit and cuddle.

So, even if we would like our guy to overcome his physical reaction and be there for us, he just can ‘ t.

#3 – His flight or fight instincts kick in.

Another thing that kicks in with the adrenaline is oldest survival instinct: the fight or flight instinct.

When faced with a life-threatening situation, our ancestors had a choice: to fight the wooly mammoth or flee. This instinct kept human beings alive and evolving into the creatures we are today.

Part of our survival is that flight or fight mechanism and, for men, when faced with a woman ‘ s emotions, it ‘ s often flight. To get away as quickly as possible.

Think about the last time your man fled your anger. Did you follow him to the next room and continue to be angry? What did he do? Did he just take it or did he fight back? He had tried to flee, but couldn ‘ t, and then he fought back. Hard.

Maybe letting him flee is a good idea. Give him a chance to figure out what to do for you.

So, when your man tries to run from your emotions, understand it ‘ s not that he doesn ‘ t love you. It ‘ s his human instinct, caused by the adrenaline, that is making it happen.

#4 – He just wants to fix you.

One of the most frustrating things for women is that, when they are feeling upset, their man just wants to fix them.

What we women want when we are emotional is to be listened to and have our feelings validated and to be hugged and kissed and made to feel loved.

Yeah, well, if that ‘ s what you want, that ‘ s why you have your girlfriends. It all seems so easy but for men it just isn ‘ t.

A man ‘ s first instinct, when given any problem, is to just fix it. To take whatever the issue is at hand and do whatever it takes to make it better. Unfortunately, when it comes to emotions, men don ‘ t have a lot of tools in their toolboxes to fix their women and they are lost.

So, understand that your guy ‘ s efforts to fix you are out of love – he just doesn ‘ t know how to do it any differently.

#5 – He feels helpless.

To many men, emotions are super scary. Their minds go blank and their heart races and they know that they just can ‘ t fix whatever is happening.

They feel totally helpless in the face of what you are going through.

What I have done with my guy is to tell him, when I am not sad or angry or emotional, exactly what I need for him to do. I need him to acknowledge my emotions and be able to sit with it, not trying to fix it. I need him to hold my hand and tell me he is there and not run away until I am better.

We all want our men to instinctively know what to do when we are sad but their instincts are different from ours. Tell your guy what you need, what tools he should keep in his tool-box, so that he doesn ‘ t feel so helpless next time.

For us women, emotions are something that are familiar – not scary or off-putting.

For men, it’s different. Emotions are a scary thing that make their minds go blank, their heart race, their fight or flight instincts to kick in and something that they just can ‘ t fix.

Going forward, try to understand that our men, as much as we would like them to be, just can ‘ t naturally react to us the way we want them to when we become emotional.

Teach them what you need from them, be patient that it might take them a few minutes to implement those things and understand that he really just wants to do his best when you need him.

Really, he does.

Is your man’s inability to handle your emotions starting to affect your relationship?
Let me help, NOW, before it’s too late!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

5 Reasons A Relationship Without Boundaries Isn’t Healthy

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Have you been told that a relationship without boundaries isn ‘ t healthy?

Are you wondering what exactly relationship boundaries are and why you need to have them in your relationship?

Let me help! To understand healthy relationship boundaries, look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds your life together. They hold your food and your bed and your possessions and it ‘ s where you live your life.

Healthy relationship boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your relationship as it grows. To have a healthy relationship, one that can grow and be fruitful, it is important that it has structures, boundaries, that support it.

Healthy relationship boundaries come in many shapes, sizes and colors and they are essential and appropriate for every relationship, whether it be new and exciting or more settled and safe.

Unfortunately, without the four walls around it, a relationship can founder. Why?

#1 – Without boundaries, expectations aren ‘ t clear.

One of the biggest reasons that relationships start to founder is when mutual expectations aren ‘ t met.

Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner just didn ‘ t understand something that was really important to you and that lack of understanding HURT!

Maybe in the beginning of your relationship you always celebrated Saturday mornings by breakfast in bed. A few months into the relationship he started to instead played soccer with his friends.

Did you TELL him how important it was to you that you do that Saturday morning ritual? Did he know how much it hurt that he left you by yourself those days? Or did you just stew and think that if he loved you he would know how important this ritual was to you?

One important relationship boundary is that you set clear expectations of what is important to you so that you both know. We just can ‘ t read each other ‘ s minds and it ‘ s essential that we share what we want and need so that the relationship can be a healthy one.

#2 – Without boundaries, you can lose yourself.

For many of us, when we get into a relationship we tend to lose ourselves in it. In the beginning, all we want to do is be with that person and as the relationship continues we keep up that pattern. Because we want to be with them always, we agree to do what they want to do and put our own needs aside.

Unfortunately, as a result, many of us lose ourselves because we give ourselves over completely to the other person, doing what they want and seeing who they like. Before we know it, we have no idea who we are in the world. Our friends have fallen away, our hobbies are sidelined and we find ourselves without an identity of our own.

And when this happens, our self-esteem plunges. And who wants to be in a relationship with someone with no identity and low self-esteem?

So, set this boundary. Make sure that each of you have time on your own and that you come back to each other in between.

#3 – Without boundaries, one person might always be in charge.

An interesting pattern that often happens in relationship is that one person tends to be in charge.

This particularly happens in marriages with children. Women tend to take over running the family business because they are juggling all of the balls and the men are left as support staff.

Unfortunately, one person being in charge can lead to loss of respect on the part of the person in charge and contempt on the part of the person being bossed around.

So, make an effort to make sure that you are both boss of some aspect of your life. Share the responsibility. Most of the couples that I know who are still married after 20 years work together to keep their family running smoothly.

#4 – Without boundaries, you could stop liking each other.

Imagine if, every day, you and your partner let each other down because you haven ‘ t set clear expectations. And if every day, you are a little more clingy to your guy because of you have lost who you are in the world. Or if, every day, you are condescendingly bossy to your husband because he always seems clueless about what needs to be done around the house.

If that is your every day, do you think that you will continue to like your partner? Do you think the joy that you used to feel every time you saw them will stay with you? Do you think your partner will look upon you with the same respect that he did when you first dating?

Without clear boundaries, the friendship that is so important in any healthy relationship could evaporate. And then where are you?

#5 – Without boundaries, friendships could founder.

Ever since the Victorian age, when Victoria and Albert found true love in an arranged marriage, the ideal of the traditional marriage is that you will find your best friend AND the love of your life AND and a life partner.

That is a tall order for any kind of relationship. To be all things for a person. A lot of pressure, to say the least.

I have always said that I have a friend for every mood. I have a friend for when I am sad, a friend for when I want to play, a friend for going to the movies and a friend to go hiking with. My boyfriend is definitely someone I would choose for some of those activities but definitely not for all of them.

It is essential that, in relationship, you maintain outside friendships because the pressure to be all things to one person is just too much. Unsustainable, some might say.

Make sure that you make the time and spend the energy to maintain your friendships, friendships that will sustain you no matter what you need or what happens in your life.

Relationship boundaries can be hard to understand but are very important to put into place for a healthy relationship.

So, first off, set clear expectations on both sides for what is important in your relationship. Adjust them as time goes on. Make sure that no one is in charge and that you maintain your own, independent life. Work hard to keep liking each other.

Healthy relationships can be hard to maintain but if you do the work, it will be worth it. I promise.

Do you want your relationship to be healthy and strong?
Let me help, NOW, to set some boundaries that will keep it that way!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

5 Traits of a Guy You Want to Fall in Love With

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Don ‘ t you just want to find someone to love. Someone to make a life with and live happily ever after with. Why can ‘ t it just be that easy?

Why? Because we meet a guy who has everything on our list – things like he is smart, funny, handsome, independent – and we jump in because we think he might be the one.

BUT, are those things – the things on our list – really the personality traits that are essential for a long-lasting relationship?

I would say NO. I think they are important but they aren ‘ t THE most important things to look for in a man who will love you forever.

So, let ‘ s try doing it differently. Let ‘ s start by looking for a guy who has the personality traits of a guy you want to fall in love with and those things on our list second.

So, what are those traits?

#1 – An eagerness to learn.

Don ‘ t you just hate guys who think they know everything?

How they come into a relationship thinking that they know what makes a relationship work and how people need to behave and they aren ‘ t willing to consider doing anything differently.

We all come into relationships with a certain amount of baggage. Hurt from past relationships, disappointed expectations, frustrations at how hard it all is, unrealistic expectations about what could be.

All of those things make forming a relationship difficult but they are also all things that could allow a relationship to flourish, if dealt with correctly.

What about if you found a man who is able to look at his past mistakes and see how he might have done things differently. Or a man who didn ‘ t hold things that went wrong in past relationships over your head, assuming that those things will happen in your relationship as well.

What if you found a guy who was willing to look to take a fresh look at how a relationship could be WITH YOU and was willing to listen to ideas from you about what might work wellA guy who is willing to learn other ways to be in a relationship is a guy who is going to make a woman fall in love with him.

#2 – Putting others first.

A man who is going to be someone you want to fall in love with is a man who is interested in putting others first.

A man who is willing to miss the football game for a birthday dinner with his mom. Who will open a door for someone even if he knows that that person will then be ahead of him in that really long line. Who is willing to bend his schedule to accommodate being with the woman he loves when she needs him.

Many men put themselves first, either out of habit or necessity. Perhaps they are protecting themselves, perhaps their mother made them that way or perhaps they are just clueless. But what good is a man with a wicked sense of humor who doesn ‘ t put others first, at least some of the time?

Do you want to be playing second fiddle for the rest of your life?

#3 – Flexibility.

Life is messy and a key personality trait in a guy who women fall in love with is flexibility.

Every day, even the best laid plans are dashed by life. And when plans are dashed then everyone needs to work together to set things back in motion again.

A client of mine owns her own business and has a crazy busy schedule that often changes on a dime. As a result, she often has to change plans with her guy. Instead of getting pissed that she can ‘ t see him or taking it personally that she has to shift things again, her guy rolls with it. He knows exactly what is happening and is happy to accept it as part of being with her. She in turn makes every effort to communicate changes to him as soon as she knows of them and that Friday night and Saturday morning are set in stone as time for them. They are both flexible and that makes their relationship work.

And yes, he is good looking and she was immediately attracted to him but, over time, the flexibility that he displays regularly is way more important to her!

#4 – Self-respect.

There is nothing more attractive to a woman than a man with self-respect.

A man who takes care of himself and his space and the people around him.

I had a Match date once with a guy I emailed with for more than a week. I really, really liked him and was looking forward to our date. We were meeting for coffee and I dressed casually but carefully in anticipation of our meeting.

And him? He showed up in sweats with stains on his shirt and holes in the knees. His hair was a mess and he looked like he had just rolled out of bed. It was not a good first impression.

For me, I felt like a guy who didn ‘ t take care of himself wasn ‘ t going to be the kind of guy who could take care of me. And I was right – the more I got to know him, the more I saw that he was pretty careless in all of his life. A huge reason, I am guessing, why he is still single.

So, choose a smart guy but choose a guy who takes care of himself, his environment and those around him. A guy with self-respect who will respect you as well.

#5 – Self Awareness

Ok, so you have met the guy of your dreams. He is smart, funny, educated, employed and cute. And then you realize that he doesn ‘ t know that he is any of those things and that he has a chip on his shoulder because of it.

I have a client who was madly in love with a man she knew from college. They had reconnected on Facebook and after months of talking they got together.

Her man was smart, gorgeous and really good at making her laugh. And that was enough, until it wasn ‘ t.

Her man didn ‘ t know that he was smart, hot and funny.He had encountered many failures in his life and those repeated failures had made him incredibly insecure.

This insecurity ultimately destroyed their relationship because he couldn ‘ t believe that she loved him and he couldn ‘ t commit to her because he didn ‘ t think that he deserved her.

While he met all the criteria on my client ‘ s list, he didn ‘ t know who he was and their relationship was doomed.

Find yourself a guy who has done his work and who knows who he is in the world and that he likes that person. And that other people like him too.

Yes, love is the goal and a frustrating one it can be to reach.

I am here to suggest that if your quest for love is failing, you need to try approaching it differently.

So, make a list about what you want from the guy of your dreams and include more than a sense of humor and blue eyes. Think about what personality traits are important to you. Consider the above when you make your list.

Do things differently this time. You will be glad you did! I promise.

Is your search for love getting you down?
Let me help, NOW, because the guy of your dreams is out there, waiting for you!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

5 Things to Do Next After Letting Go of Love

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Are you wondering what to do next after letting go of love?

Have you worked hard to get out of a relationship that wasn ‘ t serving you? Are you feeling overwhelmed by emotion and the empty space that is the result letting go of your love?

You are not alone. Getting past a broken heart is hard but not impossible.

Here are some things that you can do that can really help.

#1 – Make a list.

One of the first thing I tell all of my clients when they have to walk away from someone they love is to make a list – a list of all of the reasons that they need to walk away from that person.

When we spend time with someone, we are regularly exposed to those things that remind us that we need to walk away. When we finally get away from that person, those things tend to recede into our memory. They get replaced in the forefront of our mind with the good things, the good times, all the things that we loved about that person.

And, with the good things at the front of our minds, we are vulnerable to returning to the relationship that is causing us pain.

So, make a list. Make a list of everything that you can think of that is making you walk away from the person that you love. Keep that list close and refer to it when you are missing him.

You left this relationship for a reason. Keep that reason in mind daily going forward.

#2 – Cut off all contact.

There is nothing more tempting, when you are missing your lost love, then to stalk him or her.

Unfortunately, these days there are so many ways to keep tabs on a lost love – social media has made it all so easy. And keeping tabs on a lost love makes it really hard to let go and move on.

I know that it doesn ‘ t seem like that big of a deal, to take a quick peak at your lost love ‘ s feed, but you know, as well as I do, that there is a chance you could see something on there that you just don ‘ t want to see. Perhaps him out there having fun without you, doing something that you used to do together, or even doing it with someone else. And seeing any or all of those things could send you into a tail spin.

So, eliminate all ties to your loved one on social media. Block him on your phone. Don ‘ t ask your mutual friends about what he is doing. Tell yourself that he has moved to Mars and that you will never see him again.

You will be glad you did.

#3 – Exercise and take care of yourself.

Ok, so you are single again and you suddenly find yourself with lots of free time. And you might also find yourself craving a lot of ice cream.

Now is not the time to sit around, watching Netflix and eating ice cream. While those things might be fun in the moment, in the long run they will only make you feel worse.

The best thing that you can do for yourself right now is to exercise and take care of yourself. When you are going through a hard time, the number one thing that can make you feel better is the endorphins that are created through exercise. Those chemicals will actually make you feel very different from the sad and lonely person you might feel like right now.

Furthermore, if you get enough sleep and eat well, your body will feel strong and it will help with your healing.

And, best of all, taking care of yourself will make you look hot, way hotter than you might look if you only indulged in Netflix and ice cream. And looking good is an excellent way to win your break up. Imagine the look on his face when he sees you next!

So, again, this is the time to take care of yourself. Don ‘ t let yourself fall apart. The pulling yourself back together will be so much more difficult if you do.

#4 – Do something that you have always wanted to do.

Another thing to do with all of that free time is to start doing something that you have always wanted to do. Don ‘ t sit around feeling sorry for your empty space – do something with it.

A client of mine broke up with a man she loved desperately but who couldn ‘ t commit to her. She was devastated. I asked her to name a few things that she had always wanted to do. One of the things that she came up with was writing.

In this day and age, it is quite possible to write and get what you write out to the masses without going through the process of publishing a book or getting a magazine to publish your article. You can simply write a blog and post it to a variety of platforms available online.

My client started writing about her broken heart, what happened, her insights about what she could have done differently, the way she felt with him gone from her life. It was hard work for her, emotionally, but soon she started to get a following. Other women who were going through the same things appreciated her written words and started commenting on her articles. As a result, she built a small community of women who supported each other through the rough times.

What is it that you have always wanted to do? Pick one thing and start doing it. You have the time. Life is short. Don ‘ t waste it!

#5 – Reconnect with old friends ‘ ¦and make new ones.

For many of us, relationships mean that we disconnected with people who might previously have been a big part of our lives. None of us do it intentionally, or with malice, but it does happen. And those friends are still out there.

Make an effort to reach out to those friends, the friends who knew you ‘ ˜before. ‘ They will be happy to have you back and happy to support you getting through this time.

Also, now is a great time to make new friends. I have a client who is using Bumble BFF, an app for women to connect with other women,to find some new friends, ones who are single and want to get out and do things like she does. She has connected with some amazing women in just a few weeks.

People are a great way to get you through a tough time. And you have lots of people. Reach out and find them again.

Letting go of love is devastating and a big part of getting through it is by figuring out what to do next.

Having a plan is always the best course of action, I believe, much better than TV and junk food and hours spent dreading the future.

So, now that you have read this article, get up off the couch. Get a notebook and make a list of all of the reasons that you broke up with your guy. Keep it close. Block your guy on your phone and on every social media platform you are connect on. Get out there and exercise. Do somethings that you have always wanted to do. Reconnect with old friends. Fill your calendar with things that will make you happy and disconnect from the guy you had to let go.

I know it doesn ‘ t seem possible but life does not end with a break up. Rather, it begins again. It is up to you to take advantage of this new beginning and make the most of your life.

You can do it! It will be worth it! I promise ‘ ¦

Have you let go of love and are struggling with the pain?
Let me help, NOW, so that you can get through it and move on!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

What Kind of Woman Is Most Likely to Find Lasting Love?

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Finding last love in this modern world is verydifficult. What kind of woman is most likely to find lasting love?

We all want it. To have someone who is our best friend, someone we can share our hopes and dreams with, someone who we can build a life with.And, yet, for many women, finding and keeping lasting love can be very difficult.

I have talked to many women in healthy relationships over the years and there are 5 personality traits that most of them share. Let me share them with you.

#1 – They know themselves.

Women who are in healthy relationships know themselves. Truly know themselves.

They know their strengths and their weaknesses. They have dealt with their past. They recognize their limitations and are willing to reach out for help when they know they need it.

Women who find lasting love KNOW what they want. They know what kind of man they want, what kind of traits he will have, what kind of man will bring out the best in them. They set their eye on finding that man and build themselves a clear path to do so.

If you are a woman who doesn ‘ t know who she is, who hasn ‘ t taken a good hard look at who you are in the world and what you want, then you will have a hard time finding and keeping lasting love.

#2 – They don’t take things personally.

I know many women who reflect everything that happens in the world on themselves. Women who do this have a low ego strength. Everything that happens in the world they filter through their perception of themselves.

I have a clientwho reflects everything that happens back on herself. Her husband didn ‘ t want to help his mother clean out her attic and my client ‘ s reaction was that if her husband didn ‘ t help her with her attic in 10 years, when she was retiring, she would be really angry.

Another client was upset because her husband didn ‘ t do what he said he was going to do so that meant that he didn ‘ t love her.

Women who take everything personally don ‘ t have confidence with who they are in the world. They look at life through their own personal lens which doesn ‘ t allow them to let a man in and love them for who they are. They judge their man for their actions. They don’t believe a man can love them for who they are. They are paralyzed by the person they see in the mirror, a person they don’t like very much. And how can you expect a man to like you if you don’t like yourself?

So, don ‘ t take things personally. Understand that your man’s thoughts and deeds are independent of you. Seek to love and like who you are so that the person you are with can love and like you too.

#3 – They areflexible.

Women who find lasting love are flexible. They are willing to roll with whatever comes along and bend themselves to accommodate it.

I have a client who is very black and white in her thinking about the world. If her relationship isn’t going the way she thinks it shouldthen she is immediately stymied. She tries to bend it back to her way of thinking and, more often than not, she gets shut down in the process. If only she was willing to look at all sides of the relationship she might be able to help it evolve into something healthy that works for everyone.

I have another client who, when things don ‘ t go the way that she thinks they will, gets totally overcome and just can ‘ t deal at all. She is paralyzed by the idea that something must go in a different direction and she shuts down. And when she does, her relationship falls apart.

So, try to be flexible in the world. Anticipate and accept that your relationship just might not go the way you think it will and roll with it.You will be happy you did.

#4 – They have a sense of humor.

Life can be exceedingly difficult and women who are in healthy relationships are able to laugh at how hard it can be.

Think about those days when everything goes wrong. Your husband is cranky in the morning because he is going to be late to work. Your plans to meet for lunch get cancelled because he has meetings. He forgets that you are going to go shopping together and has a beer after work, from which he comes home later than he said he would.

When this happens, you have two choices. You can collapse in a heap of anger and despair, drink 3 glasses of wine and yell at your husband. OR you can throw your hands up in the air, recognize how crazy life is and go for a walk with your dog to let it all go.

If you can just let things go, if you can see that life is just difficult and accept it with grace and humor, you will be way more likely to find and keep the lasting love that you seek.

#5 – They never, ever give up.

The key to finding, and keeping, lasting love is determination. The determination to succeed, to get what you want, to not let anything get in your way.

I have a client whose husband left her for his college girlfriend years ago. It was totally out of the blue and she was devastated. It took her some time to get back on her feet but when she did she did so with gusto.

She took the time to figure out what she wanted in the world and she went for it. She started her own business and worked hard to make it successful. She moved to New York City because she knew it would give her the opportunities that she seeked. And she made herself a list of the kind of man she was looking for. 6 year later, her business is a success and she has found the man of her dreams. A lot of things got in the way but she never gave up. And she got what she wanted.

So, if lasting love is what you seek, go for it. Set your sights on what you want and don ‘ t let go, no matter what gets in your way.

There is no reason why any women should have difficulty finding the lasting love that she seeks.

Women have been letting men take the lead in relationships for too long, letting their ‘ ˜womanness ‘ hold them back from actively pursuing what they want.

I would argue that the things that make us women, the self-awareness, the determination, the flexibility and the sense of humor, the personality traits that we naturally possess, giveus all the tools that we need to find the love that we seek.

So, go out there in the world, be a woman, and find your person. You can do it! I promise.

If you are still reading this you must really want to find lasting love?
Let me help, NOW! Your guy is out there waiting for you!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

5 Ways to Tell if the Guy You Love Doesn’t Love You Back

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Are you wondering if the guy you love loves you back?

How any times have you sat with a friend as she cried about the man that she loves because she is confused about whether he loves her or not. How many? Thousands perhaps? Me too.

And don ‘ t you always want to say ‘ ˜it ‘ s so obvious! He doesn ‘ t love you! ‘ ? Because it is so obvious. To you, but not to her.

And now do you find yourself in the her place? Wondering if the guy you love loves you back?

Let me help. There are 5 ways to tell that your guy doesn ‘ t love you. They are:

#1 – He constantly makes excuses about why he can’t spend time with you.

A guy who is in love with a girl actively wants to spend time with her. In fact, he will move heaven and earth to spend time with her.

Now, I am not saying that your guy doesn ‘ t love you if he goes to a football game with the guys or has breakfast with his mother. But if your guy regularly has to work late on date night or is having problems with his car or suddenly has been struck down a mysterious illness then there is the possibility that he is making excuses not to see you.

And if he is making excuses to not see you then he definitely isn ‘ t in love with you. Because, if he was, he would be sitting right by your side and you would not be reading this article

#2 – He ghosts you in any way.

Does your guy disappear?

Do you text him and not hear back for hours and when you do there is talk about a broken phone keyboard or a dead battery?

Are you supposed to meet your guy for dinner but at the last minute he tells you he can ‘ t make it and then you don ‘ t hear from him for a day?

Does he tell you that he isn ‘ t feeling well enough to hang out with you and then spends the night posting on Facebook and he doesn ‘ t respond to any of your messages?

If your guy ghosts you in any way he doesn ‘ t love you. A guy who loves a girl treats her with respect and that respect means that he responds to her clearly and honestly. He is clear about his actions and his intentions and he shares them with her.

So, if your guy disappears regularly, with lame excuses, then he most definitely isn ‘ t in love with you.

#3 – He spends more time on his hobbies than with you.

Does your man have a hobby that regularly takes him away from you?

A client of mine has a guy who is passionate about riding his bike. Every weekend he goes out with his posse and they clock as many miles as they can get in. Every weekend.

My friend had no problem with his passion for biking until he started to put his bike over her on his priority list. The weekend would come along and she would want to just spend time with him but his bike ride came first. So, she would wait and when he got back he was always too tired to do anything with her.

If you man has a hobby great! Everyone should have a hobby! But if he regularly puts his hobby ahead of you on his play list then he doesn ‘ t love you.

Time to go find a man who has a hobby to share with the woman he loves.

#4 – He isn ‘ t always nice to you.

Do you come downstairs after carefully dressing for dinner only to have your guy make a snide comment about what you are wearing?

Does your man comment on your horrible cooking in front of your friends?

Does he mock new ideas that you might have about your career?

If your man does any of these things, he doesn ‘ t love you. A man who is in love with a woman treats her with the utmost respect and would never dream of being unkind to her.

Of course, some men are clueless and will say something innocent about your dress without meaning to but if your man is regularly unkind to you then he definitely doesn ‘ t love you.

#5 – He doesn ‘ t do things just to make you happy.

Do you make plans to go out with the girls and ask him to take care of the kids and he refuses?

Do you want to spend that extra money that you have saved on a new dishwasher and he insists that it would be better spent elsewhere?

Do you want to spend some quality time with him but he is always too busy?

Men who love their woman want to give them what they want because they know that if a woman feels taken care of she will feel loved. If a man is always selfish in his considerations and doesn ‘ t care at all what you want then that man doesn ‘ t love you.

So, I ask you, if your friend was telling you about a man who fits the criteria above, what you would you say to her? And what would you hope your friend would say to you if the positions were reversed?

Read this list. Keep it. Memorize it. Use it now to get rid of the guy who doesn’t love you and keep it for later use. Hopefully you won ‘ t need it but keep it close in case you do ‘ ¦

The guy who will truly love you is out there. Don ‘ t settle for someone who just pretends he does. Move on NOW!

Are you wondering if your guy loves you back?
Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

How To Make A Woman Feel Safe And Secure

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It ‘ s something that women always say they are looking for in a man, someone to make them ‘ ˜feel safe. ‘

And, of course, you want to give her that. What man wouldn ‘ t?

But how the hell do you do that? What makes a woman feel safe? Let me tell you ‘ ¦.

#1 – Listen to her.

The most important thing to make a woman feel safe is for her to know that you are listening to her.

That when she talks you are paying attention and understanding what she is saying and feeling.

While you might be inclined to think that you need to ‘ ˜fix ‘ her to make her feel safe, in reality really all she wants you to do is to listen and let her know that you are there for her.

So, next time your girl opens up to you, sit down and pay attention. Hold her hand, empathize with her feelings and confirm for her that you are there and that you always will be.

#2 – Do what you say you are going to do.

Are you one of those guys who doesn ‘ t always do what you say you are going to do?

Do you tell your girl that you will be home at 6 even if you aren ‘ t going to be home until 8 because you don ‘ t want to make her mad? Or that you will go pick out the windows for the house renovation, even though chances are good that you will have to work?

Often, for many men, they don ‘ t do what they say they are going to do because they are worried that if they speak the truth they will hurt or upset their woman.

In fact, the opposite is true. Men who don ‘ t do what they say they are going to do actually hurt their woman more and definitely don ‘ t make them feel safe.

So, make sure you do what you say you are going to do. Allow your woman to feel confident that she can rely on you to always be there for her. And make her feel safe.

#3 – Tell her how you feel about her.

Have you ever thought to yourself ‘ ˜I don ‘ t need to tell her how I feel about her. She knows. ‘

Do you take out the garbage faithfully, assuming that by doing so your woman will know you love her?

If the answer to either question is YES then you are wrong!

Telling your woman how you feel about her is a key component in making her feel safe. She might have a sense of how you feel but to actually hear the words come out of your mouth let ‘ s her know that you have her back. That you care about her enough to tell her and that she knows that she can count on you to be there for her.

#4 – Act like a man.

I know. I know. In this day and age men and women are equal. And my 23 year old daughter will kill me for saying this but the truth of the matter is that men can make women feel safe by just acting like themselves.

Men are genetically programmed to be protectors. The survival of the species depended on men protecting their women and children from predators. That instinct is not gone in this 21stcentury world.

I am not saying that you need to brandish your club and knock down anyone who messes with your girl but make sure that she knows that you are there for her, to reach the things that she can ‘ t reach, to carry that load that is just too much for her, to hold the door open when her hands are full and to get rid of that dead mouse carcass the cat dragged in.

Tap into your inner caveman, without letting him take you over completely, and allow your girl to feel safe.

#5 – Be honest.

The number one most important thing in making a woman feel safe is to be honest.

I said above that it is important that you always do what you say you are going to do but it is more than that.

For a woman to feel safe she needs to feel trust. And if you can ‘ t be honest with her she can never trust you.

So, if you can ‘ t get home for dinner, tell her. If you need to see your mother instead of going out with her friends, don ‘ t make an excuse. Tell her the truth. If you ran up the credit card debt or forgot to give the kids a bath or need some time on your own, be direct and up front. Tell her the truth, right away.

Let her know that she can rely on you to be honest and if you do she will feel safe.

If you want the girl of your dreams to love you forever, let her feel safe.

Listen to her, do what you say you are going to do, tell her how you feel about her, protect her and be honest.

I promise you. You make your girl feel safe and she is yours forever.

If you have read this far you must have a girl you want to feel safe and secure.
Let me help you, NOW, before she finds someone else!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

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