5 Things You Should Know about Having an Affair if You are Considering Having One

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So, you are thinking about having an affair.

You didn ‘ t go looking to have one but you have met a certain someone who rocks your world. The feelings you have for him are like none you have ever had before so it would be wrong to deny those feelings. Right?

Sound familiar?

To the uninitiated, having an affair is all about the sex. Don ‘ t get me wrong. Affairs ARE about sex. Wonderful, illicit, mind-blowing sex. But they are also about so much more.

What else, you ask?

Hold on, because what you are about to read might surprise you.

#1 – It will wake you up in a big way.

Affairs don ‘ t happen in a void. People who have affairs are often stuck in long-term, unhappy relationships. Sex is nonexistent, communication has broken down and love is dead.

Then, out of nowhere, someone new appears and changes everything.

I have a client who thought her life was fine. She wasn ‘ t happy but she didn ‘ t feel like the absence of love and sex was important to her. She had her kids and her friends and her work and, really, what else could a 40-year-old want?

Until she met him… and he totally got her! They could spend hours talking about everything and understood each other perfectly. He thought she was beautiful and told her so every text he sent her. Just thinking about him got her body tingling. And when they ultimately had sex. Boom!

She had been sleepwalking for years. Getting older every day, just being fine. No longer. She was awake. Every single-bitty part of her was wide awake.

#2 – You will have the best sex of your life.

Affair sex is sex of the likes of which you have never had before in your life. It’s better than anything you could ever imagine.

Affair sex is a drug ‘ ” a highly addictive, legal, potentially lethal drug. And once you have a hit, there is no going back.

Why?

Emotional connection marks the beginning of affairs, ones that can be months or years in the making. And that kind of extended emotional foreplay can only lead to intense sexual connection. Certainly, more intense than anything you have had recently or ever.

The sex is illicit. No matter how old we are, doing things that we aren ‘ t supposed to do is fun. I know someone who perfected the art of having sex in the pantry. No sheets needed to be changed and there were lots of fun walls and doors to be put to full use. The experimentation was the best part.

And then there are the orgasms. Our lives are dull, routine, chaotic, and jam-packed. The dopamine high from an orgasmcan last more than 5 hours. Imagine how much better grocery shopping or conference calls are when you are experiencing an orgasm high as well.

Once you have had affair sex, it ‘ s virtually impossible to stop. And this is why people can ‘ t walk away from it and they risk everything to have it. Everything.

#3 – You will be broken down into a million little pieces.

Affairs at the beginning are more exciting than anything you could ever have imagined. And then, not so much.

One of my clients had an affair with a stay-at-home dad. They had known each other for years and, one day, she needed him and he was there for her. Everything changed.

There was a new electricity between them that was addictive. And try as they might to not let it get physical, it did. It did over and over and over again. It was so much better than married people sex and neither one of them could get enough of it.

Soon the addiction of their affair started disrupting their lives. They would show up late to school functions because they had been squeezing in a quickie. Or they would manufacture late-night runs to the grocery store to spend time together.

Their relationships with their friends, at work, with their children and, of course, with their spouses suffered.

They tried to break it off. They knew the destruction it was causing. But, they just couldn ‘ t let go of the way that they felt when they were together.

My client hated herself. The tug of war between the emotional, sexual woman who she was in the throes of the affair and the person she was as a wife and a mother was killing her. She lost 20 pounds, stopped sleeping, cut off her friends, and ultimately had a nervous breakdown.

The thing that started off so magically almost killed her.

#4 – It will be almost impossible to walk away.

Many people enter into affairs thinking that it will be brief thing. ‘ ˜We will just have sex once and that will be it ‘ is often the thought process.

Unfortunately, once you have started an affair it is almost impossible to walk away from it. Once you have sex with another man, once you have crossed that threshold, there will be no turning back.

The person who you are in the affair, the one who is loved and loving, who is having great sex, who is appreciated and taken care of, the one who feels alive for the first time in years, will do anything to not have to go back to being the person they were before.

As a result, affairs often last until someone is caught because breaking away is virtually impossible. You might succeed for a few weeks or months but staying away is very hard. Personally, I don ‘ t know anyone who has succeeded, unless they are caught, and even then it’s very difficult.

#5 – It will change your life in a big way, in more ways than one.

When someone finally starts noticing who they are in the world, they start recognizing not only the need for a big change.

A client of mine had been miserable in her marriage for a long time. She tells the story about the first time a friend told her to leave her husband as they were driving their sons home from preschool. Their sons are now sophomores in college.

She fell madly in love ‘ ” and lust ‘ ” with a man she worked with. She went through the incredible highs, sure she had found the love of her life, and then, ultimately, she crashed and burned because that great love turned out to be just another man. Before she knew it, she had lost a year of her life and of her children ‘ s life. She was wrecked.

She did see, at the end of that year, having lived through the joys and the pain of love, lust, and deep emotion, that she had to leave her husband. The words that wouldn ‘ t come out of her mouth for 20 years came out readily ‘ ” and with conviction.

She knew that she would die, literally and figuratively, if she didn ‘ t get rid of the toxic men in her life and start building a life that would feed her soul. Her affair, and it ‘ s after-effects, gave her the power to do that.

If you are considering having an affair, think carefully before you do.

While affairs seem like they are all about sex, they are so much more. They will build you up and then tear you down in a way you could never have imagined.

You will become addicted to and obsessed with your affair in a way you have never been obsessed before.

Your affair will, in more ways than one, change your life forever.

So, tread lightly, my friend, and be careful. I know he seems like your soulmate but really, he is just another man. Do you want to risk your life for him?

Are you considering having an affair?
Think it through first and let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

What Are Relationship Boundaries And When Are They Appropriate?

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Have you been told that relationship boundaries are important? Do you wonder exactly what ARE relationship boundaries?

Are you eager to implement some but do you have no idea where to start?

Let me help!

To understand healthy relationship boundaries, look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds your life together. They hold your food and your bed and your possessions and it ‘ s where you live your life.

Healthy relationship boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your relationship as it grows. To have a healthy relationship, one that can grow and be fruitful, it is important that it has structures, boundaries, that support it.

Healthy relationship boundaries come in many shapes, sizes and colors and they are essential and appropriate for every relationship, whether it be new and exciting or more settled and safe.

It ‘ s important for each couple to decide what works for them but there are a few boundaries that are essential for every healthy relationship.

#1 – Don ‘ t let one person be in charge.

In many relationships it happens that at some point one person becomes the one calling the shots. And while this seems to work on one level, ultimately the relationship will become uneven. And when things are uneven a relationship changes.

So, make an effort to keep the decision-making even in the relationship. If you are good at organizing your social life then do that but give him opportunity to choose events. If he is good at managing the finances let him do that but continue to have input into where the money goes and why.

Letting your relationship become uneven allows it to slip into a sort of parent/child dynamic, where one person is in charge and the other does as they are told. Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you?

Not so much.

#2 – Respect each other.

One of the biggest romance killers in a relationship is lack of respect and contempt.

The saying ‘ ˜familiarity breeds contempt ‘ is an accurate one and something that happens in many committed relationships.

Examples of acting with contempt are rolling your eyes when your partner says something, criticizing their clothing, belittling their expressions. Does any of that sound familiar to you? Are you guilty of doing this at times? DON ‘ T. Contempt will kill a relationship faster than almost anything else.

It is important in every relationship that you each respect each other. Respect each other within the confines of your relationship by speaking to each other honestly, sharing your feelings and needs in an open way. By not attacking each other personally and criticizing each other ‘ s behaviors and actions.

Furthermore, it ‘ s important to not criticize your partner out in the world. The general rule of thumb is that you not tell something about your partner to anyone that you haven ‘ t already shared with your partner.

When I was married, I talked to my friends WAY more about the problems in my marriage than I did to my husband. This didn ‘ t do our relationship any good because we weren ‘ tcommunicatingand giving our relationship a chance to improve. And when we were together I treated my husband with contempt because I no longer respected him.

I am no longer married.

So, make sure you treat each other with respect, both inside and outside the relationship.

#3 – Don ‘ t lose yourselves.

So many women, when they are in a relationship, become less of themselves.

Many women take on their partner ‘ s friendships, their hobbies and their ways of doing things.

It is VERY important that all womenstay themselveswhen in a relationship.

Why? Because every healthy relationship is based on truth and, if you are anything other than your true self, your relationship will never be really healthy.

It is also important that you continue to respect yourself and you will respect yourself by being yourself. By continuing to have your friends, to do your own hobbies, to have a career that you love and a healthy lifestyle that serves you, you will wake up every day feeling good about yourself.

And when you feel good about yourself your partner will love you even more because he knows you are being your true self, someone who is ambitious and smart and willing to take risks to get what she wants.

So, be yourself in your relationship. Ahealthy relationshiprequires it.

#4 – Spend time apart.

When they are falling in love, couples want to spend every available minute together. The feelings that accompany falling in love are addictive and hard to walk away from even for a short while.

It is important, however, that you spend time apart from the one you love.

You know the old saying ‘ ˜absence makes the heart grow fonder? ‘ It ‘ s true!

Think about how you feel when you go on a diet. How you can ‘ t eat ice cream for a month while you lose those 5 pounds and, man, do you miss your ice cream. It ‘ s the same thing in a relationship. Stepping away from your partner, even for a bit, makes you both notice the void that is created in his or her absence.

And then the heart grows fonder.

So, spend some time apart. Miss each other. Value each other. Keep that spark alive.

#5 – Be flexible.

I have a client who recently bought a house for herself and her boyfriend moved in with her. Right away they had issues because it was her house and she wanted to do things her way and that just wasn ‘ t okay with him.

It is important that everyone be flexible in a relationship. Just like you would at work or with your family, it is important to work with your partner so that you can both live a life that is authentic to you.

You know the phrase ‘ My way or the highway? ‘ That phrase has no place in any healthy relationship.

So, embrace flexibility. Choose the things that are important to you and stay true to them but be willing to see what might be important to your man and work with him so that you both can live a life that makes you happy. Together and apart.

Examining what are healthy relationship boundaries is an excellent way to ensure that you have a good strong relationship that will last forever.

Relationships are built from two people who have two separate lives and two separate ways of living. It is important that the couple build a new life together. A new life with four walls that will keep it safe and strong.

So, don ‘ t let one of you be in charge, respect each other, like yourself, spend time apart and be flexible.

Talk to your partner and build your house from a place of love and beauty and self-confidence, one that will be strong enough to stand the test of time and allow your relationship to be a healthy one.

You can do it!

Are you struggling with establishing boundaries in your relationship?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

Why Women Struggle With Letting Go of a Toxic Love

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A few years back I was in a relationship that was not good for me. The man I loved was bad for me in so many ways but I just couldn ‘ t leave him. Or if I did manage to leave him he would reappear a few days or weeks later and suck me back in. And I let him. Over and over and over.

Looking back, I have wondered why this was so. Why I just couldn ‘ t let go. I think I have figured it out and want to share what I have learned with you.

#1 – We are afraid of being alone.

It is the human condition to want to be in a pair. To have someone to share one ‘ s life and experiences with. That is the goal.

Unfortunately, for many of us, we are willing to settle for ‘ ˜good enough ‘ when it comes to finding the other half of our twosome. We believe that if we let go of the bird in hand that we will NEVER find another man to love. The prospect of putting ourselves out there again so that we can find that person is overwhelmingly daunting. So, we hold onto the one we have now. No matter how bad they are for us.

Let me tell you, from decades of personal and professional experience, there is always another person out there for us. We might not find them right away but we will NEVER find them if we stay in the relationship that we are in.

So, if you are staying in your toxic relationship because you believe that if you leave you will always be alone, let me tell you that you won ‘ t! There is a guy out there for you, a guy who will be your perfect half, who will make you whole.

#2 – We don ‘ t feel great about ourselves.

I can ‘ t tell you how many of my clients who are in toxic relationships have very low self-esteem.

They just don ‘ t believe that they are worthy of good love and, if they do, they have no idea how to go out and find it.

Unfortunately, the result of toxic relationships can be the lowering of self -esteem. We are unhappy, isolated from our friends, belittled for any perceived shortcomings and know, deep down, that we aren ‘ t being treated well.

And if we don ‘ t feel good about ourselves we attract men who don ‘ t feel good about us either.

For me, part of letting go of my toxic love was focusing on my business. I was able to redirect the pain of letting go of the relationship into something that made me feel really good about myself. And feeling good about myself allowed me to let him go and find someone who sees just how awesome I am.

#3 – We can ‘ t break the pattern.

I can ‘ t overemphasize enough how big a role patterns play in our lives.

Think about your daily routines and patterns and how off you feel those days that your routines are broken. Like if you always have breakfast before you head out the door and one day you just can ‘ t and how you just don ‘ t feel yourself for the rest of the day.

Now imagine this in relationship. When a relationship is new and good we establish patterns and routines with our partners. And those patterns and routines become entrenched in our brains. Breaking them can be nearly impossible.

Do you imagine what Christmas would be like without your partner? Or wonder who you would go to the movies with on Wednesdays? Those are the patterns that keep us with our toxic loves.

Interestingly, even the breaking up and getting back together gets routine. With my toxic relationship, I would break up with him and then, like clockwork, in 8 weeks he would reach out to me and before I knew it I was back where I started. I can ‘ t tell you how many times that happened.

I have since learned that if you can get past that 8 week mark you can break a pattern. And I can promise you that you will find someone else to go to the movies with on Wednesdays.

#4 – We blame ourselves.

One of the most insidious things about toxic love is that, after a while, we start to blame ourselves for everything that is going wrong.

I have a client whose husband had a relationship with one of their employees. For three years my client has asked her husband to fire that woman and for three years he has promised to and hasn ‘ t. She is beside herself and rightly so.

The thing is, her husband has done a remarkable job making her feel like their issues are HER fault. He says that if she could just let this go they could be happy. That she has no compassion for this other woman ‘ s children – what would they do if their mother had no income? Because of his accusations, she truly questions her mental health some days.

Do you blame yourself for not letting go of your toxic love? Do you believe that if you could just have been a little bit nicer or paid more attention to him or had sex with him when he wanted you to that everything would be just fine?

If yes, stop. Your man is making your life difficult and, while you might play a role in the situation, I can promise you that it ‘ s NOT all your fault.

#5 – We feel like our connection is like none other.

Do you believe that the relationship that you share with your man is like none other. That the intense passion and connection that you share can not compare with anyone else ‘ s relationship and that letting it go would be such a waste?

Let me tell you, EVERYONE feels that way about their relationship. I hate to burst your bubble but, while the love you have for this man might be strong, it ‘ s not the ultimate love in the world and letting go of it will not be the end of it.

As a matter of fact, if you can let go of your toxic love then you are WAY more likely to find a connection that is real and wonderful and magic.

I did.

Letting go of toxic love is very difficult. Probably one of the most difficult things you will ever have to do.

But letting go of toxic love is very important for a happy life. Can you imagine spending the rest of your life living with someone who makes your life miserable more often then he makes you happy?

Could you ever be happy if the rest of your life is the same as your life today?

I know that, for me, finally getting out of my toxic relationship gave me the time, strength and focus to build my business and my self-esteem. It made me understand that I could break patterns and not only survive but thrive. I learned that I was okay being alone and that while to me our love was special, really there is other, better love in this world.

So, what are you waiting for? Letting go of a toxic love is something that you can start doing right now!

If you have made it this far you must really be struggling to get away from a toxic love.
Let me help you, NOW, before the you get any more hurt!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

5 Questions People In Healthy Relationships Ask Each Other Every Day

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You know those times when you are standing in line for the movies and you see a couple in front of you who look just so ridiculously happy? And don ‘ t you think to yourself ‘ ˜I want that but how? ‘

People in healthy relationships don ‘ t know some secret that you don ‘ t know. What they do know are 5 questions that they ask each other every single day.

Let me tell you what they are ‘ ¦

#1 – Can I talk to you about something?

When your guy does something that upsets you, do you tell him? Or do you keep it inside and let it fester. Do you start to watch out for times that he does that thing again and let it piss you off every time?

People in the happiest relationships don ‘ t do that. They don ‘ t let things fester and grow bigger than they need to be.

People in the happiest relationships are strong enough to tell their partner when something upsets them so that they can work it out and move on. So that anger doesn ‘ t fester and threaten their happiness.

So be brave and honest. Talk to your partner. For the sake of your relationship.

#2 – Would you like to go do something together?

Do you seek out time to spend with your partner? Does he want to spend time with you? Do you have things that you enjoy doing together and do you do them?

People who are in the happiest relationships are people who make an effort to spend time together. I am not saying that you should spend ALL your time together but it is important that you and your guy share time and experiences. These things bring you closer together and keep your relationship healthy and happy.

So, ask your guy if he wants to go to the movies tonight. Have fun!

#3 – What can I do to make your life a better place?

When we first start out in a relationship, we make efforts every day to do things that make our partners happy. We bring them flowers, we let them borrow our car, we tell them how cute they are, we write them cards full of sweet nothings.

But as a relationship matures those things tend to fade away. The craziness of modern life makes us start to neglect our relationships because other things, like kids, jobs, parents, distract us. We always think that we can neglect our relationships and that they will still be there when we are ready to pay attention again but that isn ‘ t always true.

So, ask your partner what you can do for them. And be careful not to assume what they want you to do. Ask them. I used to make my husband lunch everyday as a way to show him that I loved him. What he wanted was hugs so, when he didn ‘ t get those, he didn ‘ t feel loved.

Ask your guy how you can make his world a better place. You will be happy you did.

#4 – Have I told you today how much I love you?

If there is one thing that I hear most from my unhappily married couples its, when I ask them if they tell their partner they love them, they say ‘ ˜Oh, he knows I love him. I don ‘ t have to tell him. ‘

Yeah, this is not necessarily so.

Relationships are long and they can be fraught with challenges. And when those challenges become harder to deal with people start to question their partner ‘ s devotion. And those questions can cause the slow demise of a heathy relationship.

So, tell your partner you love him every day.

#5 – Will you please give me a hug?

Many married couples I know not only never have sex but very rarely even touch each other.

They say that couples who hug each other for 10 contiguous seconds a day are happier than couples who don ‘ t. That is because physical closeness is key for any happy relationship.

So, let your guy know that you want to touch him. I can guarantee that he will be happy to accommodate you. For guys, touch is way more important than words so if you can just give him a hug, especially after a disagreement, you will be going a long way towards giving him what he wants.

Being in a healthy relationship is the goal for everyone. It ‘ s the stuff that fairy tales are made of and who doesn ‘ t want the fairy tale.

But having a happy relationship doesn ‘ t just happen. It takes dedication and intention.

So, ask your partner if you can talk, if they want to play, if you can make their life a better place, if they know how much you care and if a hug might be in the cards.

Ask questions to make your relationship the happiest that it can be.

You can do it!

Do you need help with your relationship?
Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

How to Know if You are in a Healthy Relationship That Will Last Forever

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Are you wondering how to know if you are in a healthy relationship? Do you want to know what healthy relationships look like so that you can compare yours and see if anything is missing? Do you want to live happily ever after?

Let me help!

There ARE ways to know if you are in a healthy relationship. Read on to learn how.

#1 – Is communication easy?

Being able to talk about anything is the key to a healthy relationship.

Can you tell yourpartner when you don ‘ t like something that he does? Or that seeing his mother EVERY Sunday is more than you would like? Or that you really don ‘ t like extra sausage on your pizza? Or that that thing he likes to do in bed is just a little bit much for you?

Without honest communication, a relationship just cannot be healthy. Truth is the basis of any strong relationship that will last and if you can ‘ t tell your partner what you need, or be receptive to what he does, then your relationship is doomed

So, work hard to be honest with your partner about everything in your life so that your relationship can stay healthy.

#2 – Is the sex fun?

Having a healthysex life is an important part of every healthy relationship.

The thing about sex is that, because you are only having sex with one person, your relationship to that person is different from your relationship with every other person in your world. Your relationship is special because of the unique bond that is created by sex.

So, if your sex life is something that you just put up with, don ‘ t really enjoy, or even dread, then it ‘ s time to act. Think about what is lacking, what could be done differently, what exactly you need to get the zip back. Because without it, your relationship might be in trouble.

Talk to your partner about how you feel and figure out, together, how to make things work for both of you.

#3 – Are times with family and friends easy?

Having a good connection with your significant other ‘ s friends andfamily is another really important part of a healthy relationship.

Do you enjoy the weekly meals with his family? The dinners out with his friends and their spouses? Cheering for his softball team every Thursday night?

Like it or not, when someone becomes part of a couple, their partner ‘ s previous relationships come along too. And if you don ‘ t get along with his friends and family it can cause a huge rift. He will want to spend time with all of you and if he is forced to choose he will resent it.

So, check in to see if you are both on board with liking each other ‘ s friends. It ‘ s important that you do. If you don ‘ t, see if there are ways that you can work together to improve those relationships so that they don ‘ t tear you and your loved one apart.

#4 – Is there respect not contempt?

Of course, it ‘ s important to like and love the person with whom you are in a relationship. What is even more important is that you respect them.

When we first enter into a relationship, we think the person we are with is amazing. Everything that they say or do is just fine. But the longer a relationship continues, the more we get to know our partner. And with familiarity comes contempt.

Do you like the way your partner interacts with people? Do you respect the work that he does? Are you happy with the way he parents your kids?

If yes, yay! Make sure you tell him regularly. People like being told they are doing a good job.

However, if you are in a relationship with someone who you can ‘ t respect, for whatever reason, who you regularly are critical of and treat with contempt, then you are in a relationship that won ‘ t last.

Respecting the person you are with, respecting the choices that they make, the values they uphold, the way they are in the world, is an essential part of being happy together.

#5 – Is there lots of laughter?

Laughter is the number one aphrodisiac that I know of. People who can laugh together, often, will stay more attached, emotionally and physically, then those who don ‘ t.

Do you and your partner laugh together and have fun together. Do you laugh often, even in times of stress? Do you like to do the same things? The things that make you both happy? Do you have inside jokes that only you share?

Make sure that you and your partner enjoy life together. You will be glad you did!

#6 – Do you want to spend time together?

This is a big one. Do you and your partner actually make an effort to spend time together? Or do you make excuses to not have to do so?

A client of mine would come up with every excuse in the world to not spend time with her husband. Once a week, and some weekends, she left her husband at home with the kids and went out and did other things. She tried to come home after he went to bed so that she didn ‘ t have to deal with him. She was happier being away from him than with him.

Guess what happened! She and her husband become profoundly disconnected and he started spending more time with a female co-worker who DID want to spend time with him. That didn ‘ t end well.

If you don ‘ t want to spend time with your partner then your relationship is not healthy. Talk to your husband and try to figure out what you can do to get more connected.

#7 – Do you feel good about yourself?

Feeling good about yourself is key to a healthy relationship.

If you feel good about who you are in the world, if you don ‘ t feel like you need someone to ‘ ˜complete you, ‘ if you know that you will be just fine alone, then you are in a place to have a healthy relationship.

People who are needy or clingy or fraught with insecurities do not make good partners.

Sotake care of yourself and be all that you can be so that you can be a positively contributing half of a healthy relationship.

#8- Do you have dreams for the future?

People in healthy relationships share their plans for the future.

They think about tomorrow, next week, next month and even next year.

They do so because they are invested in being together and part of being together is making plans for the future.

If either one of you isn ‘ t interested in talking about the future then you are not in a relationship that has one.

Knowing how to tell if you are in a healthy relationship is a key part of having one.

Relationships are difficult and if you just let them sail along without paying any attention then they might very well founder. So good for you for paying attention!

Keep this checklist close and review it regularly. If you see anything amiss make an effort to fix it as soon as possible. Relationships can be irreparably damaged if they aren ‘ t managed with care.

You can do this! It will be worth it.

Would you like to keep your relationship healthy?
Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

How To Know When To Let Go Of A Lost Love

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Are you in a relationship right now that is making you unhappy. Are you scaredabout what’s next and wondering how to know when to let go of a lost love because right now you are feeling nothing but pain?

Let me help you.

Deciding to let go of someone you love is a very hard thing to do. Much like the hope that a coma victim will wake up, the hope of resurrecting lost love is one that ‘ s hard to let go of.

So how do you decide? Check out my list below. If any, or all, of these criteria fit your situation then perhaps it ‘ s time to let go.

#1 – Your thoughts are only about him.

Do you spend much of your waking hours thinking about your man? Do you spend hours stalking him on social media, listening to songs that remind you of him, trying to figure out ways to run into him?

If the answers to the above questions are ‘ ˜yes, ‘ then you are actually experiencing something called obsessive love. Obsessive love is when one person feels an obsessive desire to possess and protect another person with an inability to accept rejection or failure.

Love is a wonderful, giving, open emotion. Obsession is a harsh, angry, destructive one.

So, if the love you feel for you man is obsession, then it ‘ s definitely time to let go. It ‘ s not healthy for either of you.

#2 – He gives you mixed messages.

Is your man alternating hot and cold? Does some days he seem like his loving self and then others he is crabby and distant and no fun to be with?

Unless your man has bi-polar disorder, a man who is playing up and down with his woman is a man no longer interested.

If a man wants something, particularly a woman, he will move heaven and earth to get it. If your man only wants you some days and not others then he isn ‘ t making any effort at all to keep you.

So, unless your man is always hot for you, let him go.

#3 – He gives you nothing.

Having a man who runs hot and cold can be very upsetting. Even worse, but harder to spot, is a man who gives you nothing.

Has your man stopped asking how you are doing? Has he stopped asking you out on dates or bringing home the groceries or including you in activities with his friends? Does he no longer listen when you talk or seem to care at all about what you think?

A man like this is a man who has nothing left to give to the woman he used to love.

Unfortunately, for many women, when they are trying to save a relationship that was once so promising, they become so obsessed with saving it that they don ‘ t notice how little of it still exists. They will talk more to fill in the silences left by the absence of questions. They will invite themselves along on outings they weren ‘ t invited to. They will plan things that the two of them can do together. As a result, women don ‘ t notice that their man has completely checked out.

So, take a moment and think about your relationship. What has your man done for you lately? If the list is short then it ‘ s time to let him go.

#4 – History keeps repeating itself.

Are you and your guy stuck in a cycle of good and bad, up and down, highs and lows? Are there days when things feel almost like they used to and then days when things are so bad that you want to cry?

Does your man tell you that he needs space and disappear only to reappear a few weeks later telling you how much he misses you?

If you find yourself in these kinds of patterns, where things are never constantly good but rather a roller coaster of emotions that is sucking you dry, then it ‘ s time to let go.

#5 – When you believe that you can never love again.

Be honest. Do you sometimes think that you just can ‘ t let this guy go because you believe if you do that you will never love, or be loved, again?

Do you think about going back on Match.com or that you might have to attend the Christmas party alone and feel nothing but dread at the prospect?

If you are feeling this way then it ‘ s definitely time to let go of your man. If you are staying with your guy because you are worried that there won ‘ t ever be someone else then you are staying with him for the wrong reasons.

Because there will be another love out there for you but you will never find him if you are stuck a relationship that isn ‘ t making you happy. If you can let go of this one then you will set yourself up, physically and energetically, to find that person who will love you forever.

I am guessing that you are reading this article because you suspect, deep down, that the relationship you are in isn ‘ t the one for you. But it ‘ s hard to admit this and even harder to let go.

It is essential, for your mental health and the health of your future love life, that you pay hard attention to whether it ‘ s time to let go of a lost love.

Is he treating you well? Is the love you feel for him healthy? Are you worried you will never love again?

Ask yourself these questions and, if the answers fit, be determined to let go of your lost love.

And just how do you do that? Check out this article: 5 Life Saving Ways to Let Go of Someone Who Doesn ‘ t Love You so that You Can Be Happy. It will guide you, step by step, through a process that might be difficult but that will be worth it in the long run.

You CAN do this!

Are you struggling with figuring out when to let go of love?
I know it’s really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

5 Ways to Have a Healthy Relationship When Feeling Depressed

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Is it hard to have a healthy relationship when feeling depressed?

Absolutely yes!

I know because I have been there…

I have struggled with depression for my whole life. 52 years. For a long time I didn ‘ t have a name for why I always felt so hopeless and full of despair. I just lived with it.

And then I got married. And he had to live with it too. It was not fun.

Being in a relationship when you are depressedcan be very difficult but I am here to tell you that relationships don ‘ t have to self-destruct because of it.

What can you do?

#1 – Recognize when you are depressed.

Those of us wholive with depression can usually tell when it hits. Simple tasks that just the day before were easy to do become difficult. Sleep is elusive. We are short tempered and crabby. Each of us manifests depression differently but usually we know when we are experiencing it.

Keeping in touch with your depression and sharing its presence with your partner is very important. Don ‘ t just expect your partner to guess that you are depressed. They might not recognize the signs and might not respond to your new mood and that could lead to some big problems between the two of you.

When I was married, I didn ‘ t tell my husband when I felt depressed. I was crabby and mean and not fun to be around. And I expected him to fight through all of that and make an effort to make me feel better. Of course, he didn ‘ t. He thought I was just being mean and crabby and so he wanted nothing to do with me. If only I had told him what was going on. Perhaps he would have had some sympathy and given me what I needed.

So, when depression hits, be clear about it. You and your partner have a bit of a battle ahead. Together.

#2 – Talk to your partner about what depression is like.

Even the most sympathetic of partners doesn ‘ t really understand what depression is like unless they suffer from it themselves. Because of this, it ‘ s important to try to teach them what depression looks like for you.

When we talked, my message for my husband was 1) you haven ‘ t caused this and 2) you can ‘ t fix it and 3) I can ‘ t just suck it up and feel better. For me it was essential that he knew these three things to be true.

Next, I explained to him what my depression looked like. That when I was depressed I felt like I had a gorilla on my back. Moving around, getting things done, communicating effectively, all required such a herculean effort that I could barely manage. When I was depressed I was exhausted, easily angered, prone to long bouts of crying. Going to work, seeing his family, taking care of myself, all filled me with such an overwhelming sense of dread that I couldn ‘ t bear it.

So, when you ARE NOT depressed, take some time and share your experience with your partner. The better understanding they have of your depression the better they will be able to deal with and cope with it.

#3 – Plan ahead for what to do when depression hits.

A key part of dealing with depression for me, and for my husband, was that I was able to, when I wasn ‘ t depressed, make a plan for what I needed when I was depressed. I knew from experience what I needed to get through my depression. Sharing it with my partner was key.

For me, when I get depressed I need four things: to get outside, to sleep, Pad Thai and sex. I knew that those things would not cure my depression but that they made living with it easier.

So, when I WAS NOT depressed, my husband and I made a plan for what to do when I was. We would let me sleep in, go for a hike, get Pad Thai, have sex and send me back to sleep. We would do that, or some variation of that, to stay connected while I was depressed and help me get through it.

What we also agreed was that he wouldn ‘ t try to fix it. Many people want to fix things. You can ‘ t fix depression. Accepting that was a great way for my husband to manage when I was depressed because he wasn ‘ t constantly frustrated, searching for ways to help me.

#4 – Don ‘ t make your partner suffer.

So, you have talked to your partner about your depression and made a plan for what you need when you are in it. Both of those things are great. Proactive. Good for you.

Sometimes, however, those things just don ‘ t work and you are miserable. You are short tempered and difficult and not fun to be with.

At times like that, let your partner go. Let them go about their day, guilt free. The last thing in the world you want to do is tether someone you love to your depression.

Encourage your partner to go do something they love instead of hang around being miserable with you. If you let them do this they will come home refreshed and better able to support you. And they might even bring you some Pad Thai.

#5 – Agree to seek help.

One of the hardest things for someone who loves someone with depression is their sense of helplessness. They know that there is nothing that they can do to help their partner get out of this dark place. And that sense of helplessness can tear relationships apart.

What can you do? You can agree to seek help dealing with your depression. That help can be what you want it to be: medication, yoga, therapy. Whatever works for you.

It is important, for both of you in the relationship, to know that the depression isn ‘ t something that will be ignored but that needs to be addressed head on. That it is something that you can both learn to deal with and take on together. As a couple.

Get some help. Both for you and for the one you love.

It can be difficult to have a healthy relationship when you ‘ re depressed.

Depression can have a devastating effect on relationships. It doesn ‘ t have to be a death knell, however. Somerelationships can actually thrive when couples tackle depression together.

Share with your partner what your depression looks like, allow them to fully understand it and share with you the tools you have in place to manage it. Give them the freedom to escape from it for a bit if necessary. But be in it together.

Because if together you can manage depression then there is nothing else that you can ‘ t take on. Together.

You can do this!

Are you struggling with depression and keeping your relationship strong?
I know it’s really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

5 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Healthy When You Feel Your Guy Pulling Away

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Is your guy pulling away? Would you do anything to keep your relationship healthy and your guy right by your side?

In spite all of our best intentions, at some point or another in a relationship someone starts pulling away. The reasons why are many and varied but the reality is that, no matter what the cause, having someone you love pull away is incredibly painful. And causes tremendous anxiety.

Luckily, there are things that you can do to keep your relationship healthy even if your guy is pulling away, healthy enough so that you can find you way back to each other.

#1 – Give him some space.

Our first reaction when we feel our guy pulling away is to hang on tighter. Let me tell you, this NEVER works.

I have a client who was dating someone who asked for some time to figure some things out. What did she do? She tried to pull him in tighter. She was scared that she would lose him if she didn’t.

She wanted to be with him all the time and when she wasn ‘ t with him she would text him constantly, wondering where he was. She stalked him on social media to see what he was up to. She made sure that she would ‘ ˜just happen to run into him ‘ at the gym.

What happened? Not only did her guy pull away but he ran away. He needed some space to figure some things out and she didn ‘ t give it to him. Instead, she suffocated him. So, he left.

If your man needs some space, give it to him. Let him figure out whatever it is that he needs to figure out. And when he does, and he realizes that he misses you, come back he will.

#2 – Continue to be yourself.

One thing that many women do when their man starts to pull away from them is to stop being themselves. They figure that if they can just be super nice, not nag, not complain and bend over backwards to please their man then he will come back.

It doesn ‘ t work that way.

If your man is pulling away, it is essential that you continue to be yourself. Who you are is who your man fell in love with. He isn ‘ t going to stay in love some second-rate version of you, one who caters to his every whim.

So, continue to be your strong, independent self. Keep your relationship healthy by staying who you are. Continue being someone any man would want to come back to.

#3 – Don ‘ t make it all about you.

Men pull away from women in relationships for many different reasons. Sometimes it is because they are finding themselves not satisfied in a relationship and they want to get out. But, more often than not, they have their own thing going on and they want space to process it.

Unfortunately, when men do that women want to know exactly what is going on.

We assume that his actions are a reflection of us and our behaviors and we need to ‘ ˜talk ‘ about it. And talk and talk and talk about it. Or we become overly emotional and clingy and desperate to change things. And nothing drives a guy away faster than an overly emotional, clingy and desperate woman who wants to talk.

So, if your guy is pulling away, ask him directly if what he is processing has to do with you. Tell him that you want to know so that you don ‘ t have to wonder. If he says it IS about you, then you can start to work on that with him.

If, however, he tells you clearly that it ‘ s not about you, let it go. It ‘ s really not about you and all of the time sitting around ‘ ˜talking about it ‘ isn ‘ t going to change that.

Step away, let him process his stuff and know that when he figures it out he will come back to you. And by not taking it personally you will actually be a person he wants to come back to.

#4 – Assess whether you are happy in the relationship.

I remember so well when my last boyfriend started to pull away from me. It kind of came out of nowhere and I didn ‘ t understand it.

As soon as I felt him pulling away I set in to fix it. I became ultra-supportive and loving. I made his favorite dinners and went out with his friends, who I didn ‘ t really like. I worked really hard to be the person that he wanted to be in a relationship with. Or who I THOUGHT he wanted to be with.

And then, one day, it hit me. Did I want to be in a relationship with this guy? Was I clinging to him so that I could save our relationship or was I doing so because I didn ‘ t want to be ALONE??

Fortunately I realized before it was too late that I didn ‘ t want to be in a relationship with him. That I wanted out, even if I didn’t really want to be alone. So, I left him.

It ‘ s better to be the one leaving than the one left, so pay attention to how you REALLY feel about this guy!

#5 – Get on with your life.

For many of us, when we feel our man pulling away, we put our life on hold. We immerse ourselves in why our man is leaving us, why he doesn ‘ t want to be with us. We put our friends, our families and our work on hold just so that we can be there for him if he needs us.

This is a bad idea. If our man is pulling away it is even more important that we get on with our life, that we still be the person that we are. Because if you want your man to come back to you, you want to be the person who he wants to come back to.

So, sure you can continue to be there for your guy but don ‘ t sacrifice your life in the meantime. A one-sided relationship, where it ‘ s all about one person, is not a healthy relationship.

We woman are healers and fixers and we think that if we try hard enough we can save our man from himself. And, while that ‘ s a great idea, it just isn ‘ t true.

Make sure you give your guy his space, to figure out his issues on his own. Don ‘ t lose who you are or how you live your life, make sure you know what you want and don ‘ t make it all about you.

Make sure you maintain a healthy relationship, one that you both will chose to come back to.

You can do it!

Is your guy pulling away?
I know it’s really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

What Are Healthy Relationship Boundaries and How Do I Get Them?

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Have you been told that you need to develop some healthy relationship boundaries?

Are you eager to do so but do you have no idea where to start?

Let me help!

To understand healthy relationship boundaries look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds your life together. They hold your food and your bed and your possessions and it ‘ s where you live your life.

Healthy relationship boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your relationship as it grows. To have a healthy relationship, one that can grow and be fruitful, it is important that it has structures, boundaries, that support it.

Healthy relationship boundaries come in many shapes, sizes and colors. Really, it ‘ s important for each couple to decide what works for them. But there are a few boundaries that are essential for every healthy relationship.

#1 – Don ‘ t let one person be in charge.

In many relationships it happens that at some point one person becomes the one calling the shots. And while this seems to work on one level, ultimately the relationship will become uneven. And when things are uneven a relationship changes.

So make an effort to keep the decision making even in the relationship. If you are good at organizing your social life then do that but give him opportunity to choose events. If he is good at managing the finances let him do that but continue to have input into where the money goes and why.

Letting your relationship become uneven allows it to slip into a sort of parent/child dynamic, where one person is in charge and the other does as they are told. Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you?

Not so much.

#2 – Respect each other.

One of the biggest romance killers in a relationship is lack of respect and contempt.

The saying ‘ ˜familiarity breeds contempt ‘ is an accurate one and something that happens in many committed relationships.

It is important in every relationship that you each respect each other. Respect each other within the confines of your relationship by speaking to each other honestly, sharing your feelings and needs in an open way. By not attacking each other personally and criticizing each other ‘ s behaviors and actions.

Furthermore, it ‘ s important to not criticize your partner out in the world. The general rule of thumb is that you not tell something about your partner to anyone that you haven ‘ t already shared with your partner.

When I was married, I talked to my friends WAY more about the problems in my marriage than I did to my husband. This didn ‘ t do our relationship any good because we weren ‘ tcommunicatingand giving our relationship a chance to improve. And when we were together I treated my husband with contempt because I no longer respected him.

I am no longer married.

So make sure you treat each other with respect, both inside and outside the relationship.

#3 – Don ‘ t lose yourselves.

So many women, when they are in a relationship, become less of themselves.

Many women take on their partner ‘ s friendships, their hobbies and their ways of doing things.

It is VERY important that all womenstay themselveswhen in a relationship.

Why? Because every healthy relationship is based on truth and if you are anything other than your true self your relationship will never be really healthy.

It is also important that you continue to respect yourself and you will respect yourself by being yourself. By continuing to have your friends, to do your own hobbies, to have a career that you love and a healthy lifestyle that serves you, you will wake up every day feeling good about yourself.

And when you feel good about yourself your partner will love you even more because he knows you are being your true self, someone who is ambitious and smart and willing to take risks to get what she wants.

So be yourself in your relationship. Ahealthy relationshiprequires it.

#4 – Spend time apart.

When they are falling in love, couples want to spend every available minute together. The feelings that accompany falling in love are addictive and hard to walk away from even for a short while.

It is important, however, that you spend time apart from the one you love.

You know the old saying ‘ ˜absence makes the heart grow fonder? ‘ It ‘ s true!

Think about how you feel when you go on a diet. How you can ‘ t eat ice cream for a month while you lose those 5 pounds and, man, do you miss your ice cream. It ‘ s the same thing in a relationship. Stepping away from your partner, even for a bit, makes you both notice the void that is created in his or her absence.

And then the heart grows fonder.

So spend some time apart. Miss each other. Value each other. Keep that spark alive.

#5 – Be flexible.

I have a client who recently bought a house for herself and her boyfriend moved in with her. Right away they had issues because it was her house and she wanted to do things her way and that just wasn ‘ t okay with him.

It is important that everyone be flexible in a relationship. Just like you would at work or with your family, it is important to work with your partner so that you can both live a life that is authentic to you.

You know the phrase ‘ My way or the highway? ‘ That phrase has no place in any healthy relationship.

So embrace flexibility. Choose the things that are important to you and stay true to them but be willing to see what might be important to your man and work with him so that you both can live a life that makes you happy. Together and apart.

Examining what are healthy relationship boundaries is an excellent way to ensure that you have a good strong relationship that will last forever.

Relationships are built from two people who have two separate lives and two separate ways of living. It is important that the couple build a new life together. A new life with four walls that will keep it safe and strong.

So don ‘ t let one of you be in charge, respect each other, like yourself, spend time apart and be flexible.

Talk to your partner and build your house from a place of love and beauty and self-confidence, one that will be strong enough to stand the test of time and allow your relationship to be a healthy one.

You can do it!

5 Life Saving Ways of Letting Go of Someone Who Doesn’t Love You So That You Can Be Happy

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Are you thinking about letting go of someone who doesn ‘ t love you?

Have you been hoping that your situation would change and that he would start loving you and that you would live happily ever after?

First of all, let me say that I am SO SORRY that you have to go through this. There is nothing worse than a broken heart. But let me also say GOOD FOR YOU for recognizing the truth and making this big move.

There is someone out there for you and by letting go of the person you are with now you will be able to find him.

But for now, let ‘ s talk about how to let go of someone who doesn ‘ t love you.

#1 – Ask yourself how determined you are to do this.

Before you begin any life changing process you must ask yourself how determined you are to actually do it. On a scale of 1-10 how close to a 10 are you? Because withoutsteadfast determinationyou will not be able to accomplish something as challenging as getting past a lost love.

So are you ready to do this? Is there any part of you that is holding on to the possibility that things could work out? Do you feel like you aren ‘ t strong enough to do this yet?

If the answer to any of these questions is ayesthen perhaps you should wait a bit longer before you begin this process. Time is a great healer and with some time you will get stronger and be ready to take on this challenging task.

#2 – Make three lists and refer to them often.

List #1: How do you know that he doesn ‘ t love you?

There are reasons why you feel like he doesn ‘ t love you.

Perhaps he no longer makes an effort to spend time with you. Or he doesn ‘ t return your text messages. Or when you are going to bed he just rolls over and turns off the light without kissing you.

Or perhaps he tells you that he doesn ‘ t like or respect you, even as he lets you buy him that new bike or a fancy meal.

You know what I am talking about. Those things in your gut that are telling you that this relationship is wrong. Those things you are ignoring ‘ ¦

List #2: What are you kidding yourself about?

Are there some things that you are doing to talk yourself out of the fact that he doesn ‘ t love you?

Do you think that if you just do this ONE thing he will start loving you again? Or perhaps you wonder how could he not love you because you know you are awesome?

I have a client who just doesn ‘ t get that her man doesn ‘ t love her. He isn ‘ t brave enough to break up with her and just treats her badly. She truly believes that he should love her and that if she just holds on long enough he will know that too. And every day she debases herself by doing his bidding and, surprise, he still doesn ‘ t love her.

Take a true accounting of those things that you are doing to justify staying in this relationship and take a good hard look at them. Without understanding them, you won ‘ t be able to let him go.

List #3: What do you want in a relationship?

If you don ‘ t know what you want in a relationship then you will most definitely be more likely to stay in one that isn ‘ t serving you.

Take some time and write down what you want in a relationship. Most likely you will find that what is important to you isn ‘ t present in your current relationship.

Once you have made your lists, refer to them often.

When we are in the midst of emotional turmoil our brains get cloudy and we can ‘ t think clearly. If you have lists in front of you, lists that can remind you of why you have to break up with this person, you will be able to stay steadfast in your determination to get it done!

#3 – Cut him off.

I know that we all think that we need ‘ closure ‘ at the end of a relationship, that final conversation where everyone gets to say what they want to say and you understand each other and walk away as friends.

I am here to tell you that closure is a myth. What closure really is is one last chance to spend time with and talk to that person you still love. Because really, if you could have a conversation and finally understand each other why couldn ‘ t you make it work as a couple?

So when you have decided that the relationship is over cut him off. Block him on your phone, disconnect on social media, stay away from places where you know he will be.

Why? Because what you need to do is break the addiction you have to this person, to change your habits.

Think about Oreo cookies. You know how hard it is to eat just one? It ‘ s the same with your man. Even one point of contact can draw you back into his circle, the circle that you have decided that you are determined to break yourself out of.

So gono contactright away. It will make the process way easier!

#4 – Believe that you will find another love.

I find this to be the number one obstacle to my clients breaking up with someone who doesn ‘ t love them.

Almost without exception, people who are in relationships that aren ‘ t making them happy don ‘ t try to get out of them because they believe that there will never be another person for them. That if they break up with this person they will be alone forever!

But that just isn ‘ t true. There are many, many fish in the sea and there is one for you.

Of course, if you never have a chance to go fishing, because you are still with this idiot who doesn ‘ t love you then you, won ‘ t find that person. But if you can be brave enough to act, and break up with the idiot, then you will be setting yourself up for finding the love of your life.

A client of mine was in a horrible relationship, one that made her feel horrible about herself. She kept on breaking up with up with her guy and then taking him back. And then one day, after another break up, she was invited to a dance party. At that dance party, which she never would have gone to if she had still been dating bozo guy, she met the love of her life. How awesome is that!

#5 – Get back out there!

I know that right now you feel like you might never love again but putting yourself back out there doesn ‘ t mean you have to fall in love. Putting yourself back out there means that you get dressed up and flirt and date and have a lot of fun. And you will, you WILL, find another love but in the meantime you can enjoy yourself and the freedom that you have as a single girl. Embrace it!

Letting go of someone who doesn ‘ t love you is an incredibly hard thing to do.

You are holding onto the feelings that you had for each other in the beginning, the feelings of excitement about the future that you shared. You want them to come back and for him to love you and that all will be fine.

But you know, in your gut, that that isn ‘ t going to happen. So TAKE ACTION.

Get determined, identify exactly why you are breaking up, cut off all contact with him, believe that your next love is out there and then get out there and find him.

The next short period of time will be painful. Saying goodbye to someone always is. But once you are through it life will go on and you will be in a place to find that guy who will love you, forever.

And you will be happy!

How great would it feel to work through this pain and move on, quickly?

I have created a course, 4 Weeks to Letting Go of Love and Moving On

that will help you do exactly that!

Check it out here!

 

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