How to Stop Feeling Depressed After Letting Go of Love

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Are you feeling depressed after letting go of love?

Were you in a relationship that just wasn ‘ t working anymore and were you forced to let go of it?

Do you find yourself alone now and feeling depressed, hopeless that you will never be happy again?

Let me tell you that you aren ‘ t alone – that there are many women out there RIGHT NOW feeling the way you do. And the good news – you will all feel better soon. I promise!

How? Let me share what I know ‘ ¦.

#1 – Accept that you are going to be sad.

You have just broken up with someone you love. The hopes and dreams that you had for the future have been completely dashed. You are spending time alone that you used to spend with him. Your life is totally different and, honestly, not so great.

You are going to be sad. You are going to be devastated. And it ‘ s okay.

I remember, less than 12 hours after my mother died, my step-father was telling himself to snap out of it, to not be sad. He couldn ‘ t handle the pain that he was feeling. So, he stuffed it down. And, 4 years later, he is still overwhelmed by his loss.

It is important to be okay with the emotions that you are feeling. It isn ‘ t a reflection of any weakness on your part. It ‘ s a reflection of the pain that you are feeling. And it is important that you feel those feelings. That you feel the pain and the sadness and the regret and whatever emotions arise as a result of the break up.

Only by truly feeling and processing emotions are you able to work through them and let them go.

So, embrace your emotions. Own them as your own. Process them and let them go. If you do so, you will be able to let go feeling depressed after letting go of love.

#2 – Take care of yourself.

One of the reasons that it ‘ s so hard to get over feeling depressed after letting go of love is because when we are feeling depressed we stop taking care of ourselves.

Are you spending large amounts of time in your pjs, eating ice cream? When you do go out are you drinking more than usual? Are you not sleeping? Have you gotten any kind of exercise in recent memory?

If you have answered yes to any of these questions then you are not alone. I don ‘ t know many women who doesn ‘ t treat emotional issues with ice cream instead of marathons. So, don ‘ t feel bad but do try to make some change.

If you can ‘ t sleep, take some melatonin to help you get some. If you are eating ice cream, try to eat just a little bit less. Try to get off the couch and take a walk.

Taking care of yourself in this rough time is an essential piece of getting over feeling depressed after letting go of love.

#3- Do things that make you happy.

I am someone who struggles with depression every day and one of the key things that I do when I am depressed is make sure that I do things that I know make me happy on good days.

What kind of things? I watch movies. I eat Pad Thai. I have sex. I spend time with my kids.

There is factual evidence that doing things that make you happy, that make you smile, actually help to alleviate depression. The actual act of smiling has been proven to change the chemicals firing in your brain, the ones that are causing the depression.

So, what makes you happy? I know that you are feeling depressed and the idea of doing ANYTHING is too much to bear but get up off the couch and do JUST ONE THING that you enjoy doing. See what happens.

#4 – Stay off social media.

For some reason, when we are going through a break-up, we can ‘ t resist the temptation to stalk our guy on social media. The temptation to see what he is up to, who he is hanging out with, who he might be seeing is just too much to resist.

When you do it, does it make you feel better? I didn ‘ t think so.

One of the most important parts of getting over feeling depressed after letting go of love is to remove yourself completely from anything to do with your ex. Block him on your phone. Disconnect from him on Facebook, Instagram, etc. Don ‘ t talk to your friends about what he is doing.

Instead, pretend like he just doesn ‘ t exist. Pretend that he is a guy you used to know who has disappeared off the face of the earth. The less you think and know about your ex, the easier it will be for you to get over him.

#5 – Put yourself back out there.

I know. I know. The prospect of getting back into another relationship is the last thing that you want to do. To give of yourself to someone else when you still have love for another person.

And that is fair. But it ‘ s also important that you don ‘ t stop living your life. You only have one life and it ‘ s short.

So, if someone from work invites you out for a drink, do it! Go to the movies with friends. If you are invited to a party, go to it. Put yourself back out in the world and into the path of love. You will meet new people, have new experiences and maybe find yourself another person to call your own.

If you stay home, on the couch, watching The Bachelor, eating ice cream you might feel safe and less vulnerable, but you will also stay depressed because you have stopped living your life and you just won ‘ t feel good about yourself.

Put yourself out there. Live your life. You will be glad you did.

Feeling depressed after letting go of love is a horrible feeling. What we want more than anything is to feel relieved at finally having the strength to get out of a relationship that wasn ‘ t serving us.

Unfortunately, it most often doesn ‘ t work that way because grief, and the depression that accompanies it, is usually the first part of the healing process. Luckily, grief is only the first step and that there is hope for your future.

So, embrace your grief, feel it and release it. Take care of yourself, do things that make you happy, stay off social media and get yourself out there.

When you are ready, sooner than later I hope, you can let go of your love and reach out for a new one – yourself.

Is your broken heart leaving you incredibly depressed?
Let me help, NOW, before the depression takes over!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

5 Unmistakable Signs that You Are Most Likely to End Up Divorced

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No one goes into marriage wanting to get divorced.

Rather,we all have visions of finding our prince and living happily ever after.

Unfortunately, most marriages today end in divorce. Mine did after 18 years. It was a surprise to me but the signs were all there.

Since then, and working with many clients over the years, I have learned that there are 5 unmistakable signs that you are most likely to end up divorced and I can spot at 50 yards a couple who just won ‘ t make it.

What are the signs that indicate you are most likely to end up divorced? Let me share ‘ ¦

#1 – Unrealistic expectations have been set.

Often times, when people enter into marriage, they believe that they have found their soul mate. That this person will be their lover and their best friend and the father of their children and that love will guide them through it all.

Unfortunately, these expectations just aren ‘ t reality based. No one can be everything to one person. To expect someone to be everything to you is setting yourself up for disappointment.

People in the healthiest marriages are people who have many people in their lives, people who are their friends and mentors and support systems. They have their partner for love and intimacy but many other people who can be there for them, for fun and support.

So, go ahead. Marry that prince of yours. But be realistic in your expectations of what your relationship will look like and don ‘ t let yourself be disappointed.

#2 – Communication has become impossible.

Marriages that end in divorce usually involve people who just can not communicate. They aren ‘ t able to talk about their feelings and they aren ‘ t able to listen to other ‘ s talk about theirs.

Marriage is a lifetime journey and two people occupying the same space for such a long time can be challenging. To manage it effectively, it ‘ s important that people communicate.

When issues arise, it is important that they are addressed head on, with clearly spoken words and someone on the receiving end to hear them. It is important that there is a give and take so that everyone ‘ s needs are met so that both people feel safe and secure in the marriage.

Couples who can ‘ t communicate, who aren ‘ t able to share their issues, are couples who will start looking elsewhere for someone to be in a relationship with because the one they are in seems beyond repair.

#3 – People can ‘ t read minds.

How many times have you thought He should know that I need him to pay attention to me after the kids go to bed. Who wouldn ‘ t want that?

Yes, in the movies, the hero is always able to look at his woman and guess intuitively what she wants but, unfortunately, it just isn ‘ t like that in real life.

IF you want something, ASK FOR IT. Tell you partner specifically what you need so that he can give it to you.

I can promise you that your man wants to do whatever it is that makes you happy but expecting him to read your mind about what it is is setting yourself up for disappointment. You might start searching for somebody else to read your mind and that could end your marriage quickly.

#4 – Things are taken personally.

I have a client who takes everything personally.She asked her husband to stop on his way home from work and look at the windows that she had chosen for their house renovation. Unfortunately, he forgot. Work got busy and then he got hungry and he just forgot.

My client, instead of being understanding or angry, took his actions a reflection of his feelings for her. If you loved me, she said, then you would have remembered to look at the windows.

My client ‘ s husband, after 15 years of this kind of response to his actions, finally gave up trying to please her and left the marriage.

It is important that one understand that other people ‘ s actions are not necessarily a reflection of the way they feel about you. Of course, at times they are, but to think that if every action your partner takes is a reflection of his feelings for you then your marriage is doomed.

So, when he lets you down, let him know that he did so but don ‘ t think that it ‘ s because he doesn ‘ t love you. Because, most likely, he does.

#5 – Change doesn ‘ t happen.

The number one reason why, after a tumultuous marriage, divorce happens is because people refuse to change.

Of course, as marriages go on for years, people evolve. After 20 years of marriage, I was definitely a different person than the bright eyed girl who walked down the aisle that day.

And, as my husband and I realized that we were no longer seeing eye to eye, we went to therapy. And in therapy we both identified things that needed to change for us to stay married.

Unfortunately, the things that needed to be changed – my lack of interest in sex and his interest in drinking – just weren ‘ t changeable. We tried but, ultimately, we failed and we went our separate ways.

So, if faced with needing to make some change to save your marriage, work hard to do so. Divorce can be hard and if you can do anything to stop it, do it!

Marriage is messy. We all enter into it with the best intentions but we often get lost along the way.

If you want your marriage to succeed, make sure you choose someone you can talk to, don ‘ t set your expectations too high, don ‘ t expect mindreading or take things too personally and be willing to make change if it ‘ s the right thing to do.

You can do it! It ‘ s worth it!

Are you worried that your marriage might end up in divorce?
Let me help, NOW, before any more damage is done!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

5 Reasons A Relationship Without Boundaries Isn’t Healthy

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Have you been told that a relationship without boundaries isn ‘ t healthy?

Are you wondering what exactly relationship boundaries are and why you need to have them in your relationship?

Let me help! To understand healthy relationship boundaries, look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds your life together. They hold your food and your bed and your possessions and it ‘ s where you live your life.

Healthy relationship boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your relationship as it grows. To have a healthy relationship, one that can grow and be fruitful, it is important that it has structures, boundaries, that support it.

Healthy relationship boundaries come in many shapes, sizes and colors and they are essential and appropriate for every relationship, whether it be new and exciting or more settled and safe.

Unfortunately, without the four walls around it, a relationship can founder. Why?

#1 – Without boundaries, expectations aren ‘ t clear.

One of the biggest reasons that relationships start to founder is when mutual expectations aren ‘ t met.

Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner just didn ‘ t understand something that was really important to you and that lack of understanding HURT!

Maybe in the beginning of your relationship you always celebrated Saturday mornings by breakfast in bed. A few months into the relationship he started to instead played soccer with his friends.

Did you TELL him how important it was to you that you do that Saturday morning ritual? Did he know how much it hurt that he left you by yourself those days? Or did you just stew and think that if he loved you he would know how important this ritual was to you?

One important relationship boundary is that you set clear expectations of what is important to you so that you both know. We just can ‘ t read each other ‘ s minds and it ‘ s essential that we share what we want and need so that the relationship can be a healthy one.

#2 – Without boundaries, you can lose yourself.

For many of us, when we get into a relationship we tend to lose ourselves in it. In the beginning, all we want to do is be with that person and as the relationship continues we keep up that pattern. Because we want to be with them always, we agree to do what they want to do and put our own needs aside.

Unfortunately, as a result, many of us lose ourselves because we give ourselves over completely to the other person, doing what they want and seeing who they like. Before we know it, we have no idea who we are in the world. Our friends have fallen away, our hobbies are sidelined and we find ourselves without an identity of our own.

And when this happens, our self-esteem plunges. And who wants to be in a relationship with someone with no identity and low self-esteem?

So, set this boundary. Make sure that each of you have time on your own and that you come back to each other in between.

#3 – Without boundaries, one person might always be in charge.

An interesting pattern that often happens in relationship is that one person tends to be in charge.

This particularly happens in marriages with children. Women tend to take over running the family business because they are juggling all of the balls and the men are left as support staff.

Unfortunately, one person being in charge can lead to loss of respect on the part of the person in charge and contempt on the part of the person being bossed around.

So, make an effort to make sure that you are both boss of some aspect of your life. Share the responsibility. Most of the couples that I know who are still married after 20 years work together to keep their family running smoothly.

#4 – Without boundaries, you could stop liking each other.

Imagine if, every day, you and your partner let each other down because you haven ‘ t set clear expectations. And if every day, you are a little more clingy to your guy because of you have lost who you are in the world. Or if, every day, you are condescendingly bossy to your husband because he always seems clueless about what needs to be done around the house.

If that is your every day, do you think that you will continue to like your partner? Do you think the joy that you used to feel every time you saw them will stay with you? Do you think your partner will look upon you with the same respect that he did when you first dating?

Without clear boundaries, the friendship that is so important in any healthy relationship could evaporate. And then where are you?

#5 – Without boundaries, friendships could founder.

Ever since the Victorian age, when Victoria and Albert found true love in an arranged marriage, the ideal of the traditional marriage is that you will find your best friend AND the love of your life AND and a life partner.

That is a tall order for any kind of relationship. To be all things for a person. A lot of pressure, to say the least.

I have always said that I have a friend for every mood. I have a friend for when I am sad, a friend for when I want to play, a friend for going to the movies and a friend to go hiking with. My boyfriend is definitely someone I would choose for some of those activities but definitely not for all of them.

It is essential that, in relationship, you maintain outside friendships because the pressure to be all things to one person is just too much. Unsustainable, some might say.

Make sure that you make the time and spend the energy to maintain your friendships, friendships that will sustain you no matter what you need or what happens in your life.

Relationship boundaries can be hard to understand but are very important to put into place for a healthy relationship.

So, first off, set clear expectations on both sides for what is important in your relationship. Adjust them as time goes on. Make sure that no one is in charge and that you maintain your own, independent life. Work hard to keep liking each other.

Healthy relationships can be hard to maintain but if you do the work, it will be worth it. I promise.

Do you want your relationship to be healthy and strong?
Let me help, NOW, to set some boundaries that will keep it that way!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

5 Traits of a Guy You Want to Fall in Love With

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Don ‘ t you just want to find someone to love. Someone to make a life with and live happily ever after with. Why can ‘ t it just be that easy?

Why? Because we meet a guy who has everything on our list – things like he is smart, funny, handsome, independent – and we jump in because we think he might be the one.

BUT, are those things – the things on our list – really the personality traits that are essential for a long-lasting relationship?

I would say NO. I think they are important but they aren ‘ t THE most important things to look for in a man who will love you forever.

So, let ‘ s try doing it differently. Let ‘ s start by looking for a guy who has the personality traits of a guy you want to fall in love with and those things on our list second.

So, what are those traits?

#1 – An eagerness to learn.

Don ‘ t you just hate guys who think they know everything?

How they come into a relationship thinking that they know what makes a relationship work and how people need to behave and they aren ‘ t willing to consider doing anything differently.

We all come into relationships with a certain amount of baggage. Hurt from past relationships, disappointed expectations, frustrations at how hard it all is, unrealistic expectations about what could be.

All of those things make forming a relationship difficult but they are also all things that could allow a relationship to flourish, if dealt with correctly.

What about if you found a man who is able to look at his past mistakes and see how he might have done things differently. Or a man who didn ‘ t hold things that went wrong in past relationships over your head, assuming that those things will happen in your relationship as well.

What if you found a guy who was willing to look to take a fresh look at how a relationship could be WITH YOU and was willing to listen to ideas from you about what might work wellA guy who is willing to learn other ways to be in a relationship is a guy who is going to make a woman fall in love with him.

#2 – Putting others first.

A man who is going to be someone you want to fall in love with is a man who is interested in putting others first.

A man who is willing to miss the football game for a birthday dinner with his mom. Who will open a door for someone even if he knows that that person will then be ahead of him in that really long line. Who is willing to bend his schedule to accommodate being with the woman he loves when she needs him.

Many men put themselves first, either out of habit or necessity. Perhaps they are protecting themselves, perhaps their mother made them that way or perhaps they are just clueless. But what good is a man with a wicked sense of humor who doesn ‘ t put others first, at least some of the time?

Do you want to be playing second fiddle for the rest of your life?

#3 – Flexibility.

Life is messy and a key personality trait in a guy who women fall in love with is flexibility.

Every day, even the best laid plans are dashed by life. And when plans are dashed then everyone needs to work together to set things back in motion again.

A client of mine owns her own business and has a crazy busy schedule that often changes on a dime. As a result, she often has to change plans with her guy. Instead of getting pissed that she can ‘ t see him or taking it personally that she has to shift things again, her guy rolls with it. He knows exactly what is happening and is happy to accept it as part of being with her. She in turn makes every effort to communicate changes to him as soon as she knows of them and that Friday night and Saturday morning are set in stone as time for them. They are both flexible and that makes their relationship work.

And yes, he is good looking and she was immediately attracted to him but, over time, the flexibility that he displays regularly is way more important to her!

#4 – Self-respect.

There is nothing more attractive to a woman than a man with self-respect.

A man who takes care of himself and his space and the people around him.

I had a Match date once with a guy I emailed with for more than a week. I really, really liked him and was looking forward to our date. We were meeting for coffee and I dressed casually but carefully in anticipation of our meeting.

And him? He showed up in sweats with stains on his shirt and holes in the knees. His hair was a mess and he looked like he had just rolled out of bed. It was not a good first impression.

For me, I felt like a guy who didn ‘ t take care of himself wasn ‘ t going to be the kind of guy who could take care of me. And I was right – the more I got to know him, the more I saw that he was pretty careless in all of his life. A huge reason, I am guessing, why he is still single.

So, choose a smart guy but choose a guy who takes care of himself, his environment and those around him. A guy with self-respect who will respect you as well.

#5 – Self Awareness

Ok, so you have met the guy of your dreams. He is smart, funny, educated, employed and cute. And then you realize that he doesn ‘ t know that he is any of those things and that he has a chip on his shoulder because of it.

I have a client who was madly in love with a man she knew from college. They had reconnected on Facebook and after months of talking they got together.

Her man was smart, gorgeous and really good at making her laugh. And that was enough, until it wasn ‘ t.

Her man didn ‘ t know that he was smart, hot and funny.He had encountered many failures in his life and those repeated failures had made him incredibly insecure.

This insecurity ultimately destroyed their relationship because he couldn ‘ t believe that she loved him and he couldn ‘ t commit to her because he didn ‘ t think that he deserved her.

While he met all the criteria on my client ‘ s list, he didn ‘ t know who he was and their relationship was doomed.

Find yourself a guy who has done his work and who knows who he is in the world and that he likes that person. And that other people like him too.

Yes, love is the goal and a frustrating one it can be to reach.

I am here to suggest that if your quest for love is failing, you need to try approaching it differently.

So, make a list about what you want from the guy of your dreams and include more than a sense of humor and blue eyes. Think about what personality traits are important to you. Consider the above when you make your list.

Do things differently this time. You will be glad you did! I promise.

Is your search for love getting you down?
Let me help, NOW, because the guy of your dreams is out there, waiting for you!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

How To Stop Feeling Depressed And Anxious All The Time

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Has your life gotten to that place where you are feeling depressed and anxious all the time?

Are you feeling hopeless and full of dread and worried about what the future will hold?

If you are, I am so sorry. Being depressed and hopeless is a horrible place to be!

Fortunately, there are things you can do to stop feeling anxious and depressed all the time.

#1 – Take a good look at your life.

There are two kinds of depression, situational and chemical. They have similar symptoms but different causes. Knowing what kind of depression you have is the first step to dealing with it.

Situational depression is caused by something that happens in your life. When something big happens that makes you sad, like the death of a parent or a divorce or the loss of a job, you can become situationally depressed. This kind of depression usually has a beginning, caused by a specific event, and an end, and is often treated differently from chemical depression.

Chemical depression is the result your brain chemistry being off in such a way that leads to depression. You are most often born with chemical depression but it can also by caused by a traumatic life event.

Chemical depression can happen to youeven if your life is going great.

So, ask yourself some questions about what your life looks like these days to help you figure out what kind of depression you might have.

If you think you have situational depression, read on. If you think you have chemical depressionhere is an article for you to read to learn more about next steps.

#2 – Do things that make you feel good.

When we are feeling depressed and anxious all of the time, our inclination is to collapse into our life. We stay in bed, we don ‘ t shower or eat well and cut off contact with those we love.

Let me tell you: if you are feeling depressed and anxious, collapsing is absolutely the worst thing that you can do. Instead it is important to do things that make you feel good.

For me, I keep a list of things to do when I am feeling depressed. First off: take a long, hard walk (the endorphins are great for my depression). Also, do yoga. Watch The Walking Dead. Take a bath. Go to the movies. Have sex. Eat Pad Thai. When I am depressed I do one, or all, of those things and my depression is often lifted.

So, what makes you happy? Write out a list, when you aren ‘ t depressed, of what makes you happy so that when you are depressed you are ready.

#3 – Keep your mind busy.

Unfortunately, when we are feeling depressed and anxious, our worst enemy is that brain of ours.

While we are lying on the couch feeling sorry for ourselves, our brain is actively buying into it all.

You are a loser, it says. You have no friends. You aren ‘ t good at anything. You will never find love. You suck at your job. And on and on.

And, chances are, that none of those things are true. That you are not a loser, you have plenty of friends, you are talented, love is out there and your boss thinks you are doing great. But your brain, when you are depressed, just doesn ‘ t go there.

It is really important, when you are feeling depressed and anxious, to keep your brain busy. Yoga is a really good way to do this – you are so busy trying to figure out the damn pose that you don ‘ t have a chance to think about anything. It also has the side benefit of toning your body and making you feel strong, which can be helpful.

Other options for keeping your mind quiet are: reading, going to a movie, hanging out with friends, working. Meditation is also an option but I just get more depressed when I try, and fail, to meditate. If you can do it, go for it!

What do you like to do that will help you quiet that mind of yours, the mind that is feeding into those feelings that are bringing you down? Figure it out and do it!

#4 – Choose your playmates carefully.

One of the most important things to manage when we are depressed and anxious is our environment. Your bed and your pjs might feel like the right thing to do but you know now they are not.

The same attention needs to be paid to who you spend time with when you are feeling depressed and anxious. If there are people in your life who bring you down then avoiding them when you aren ‘ t doing well is very important.

My mother was very difficult to spend time with when I was depressed. She was always trying to talk me out of my depression by pretending that it didn ‘ t exist or telling me to just snap out of it. Both of those things just made me feel worse. So, I avoided her when I wasn ‘ t doing well. It was best for both of us.

Consider who you shouldn ‘ t spend time with when you are depressed and avoid them. On the same note, think about who would be a good person to be with and make a date with them right now!

#5 – Talk to your PCP.

If everything else fails and still you find yourself feeling depressed and anxious all of the time, then it ‘ s time to call your primary care doctor.

Feeling consistently depressed and anxious might indicate some serious health problems and getting a complete check-up from your doctor could be really important.

Your doctor can take a look at all aspects of your life and help you come up with a plan for managing your depression and anxiety so that they don ‘ t get worse. Which they will do if they are left untreated and allowed to persist.

Remember, your doctor won ‘ t judge. There are lots of people who feel just like you do every day and that ‘ s what doctors are there for – to help us all.

If you are feeling depressed and anxious all of the time it ‘ s important that you do something about it and do something about it now!

Do a quick assessment of your life and try to figure out what kind of depression you might have. Take care of yourself, make yourself happy, keep your brain busy, control who you spend time with and, if necessary, see your doctor.

Depression and anxiety can go away on their own if properly managed but will get worse if left untreated. So, try the things that I recommended above but always pay attention to how you are doing. If you are getting worse and not better, get help!

You can do it!

Is anxiety and depression making a mess of your life?
Let me help, NOW, before it gets out of control!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

5 Things to Do Next After Letting Go of Love

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Are you wondering what to do next after letting go of love?

Have you worked hard to get out of a relationship that wasn ‘ t serving you? Are you feeling overwhelmed by emotion and the empty space that is the result letting go of your love?

You are not alone. Getting past a broken heart is hard but not impossible.

Here are some things that you can do that can really help.

#1 – Make a list.

One of the first thing I tell all of my clients when they have to walk away from someone they love is to make a list – a list of all of the reasons that they need to walk away from that person.

When we spend time with someone, we are regularly exposed to those things that remind us that we need to walk away. When we finally get away from that person, those things tend to recede into our memory. They get replaced in the forefront of our mind with the good things, the good times, all the things that we loved about that person.

And, with the good things at the front of our minds, we are vulnerable to returning to the relationship that is causing us pain.

So, make a list. Make a list of everything that you can think of that is making you walk away from the person that you love. Keep that list close and refer to it when you are missing him.

You left this relationship for a reason. Keep that reason in mind daily going forward.

#2 – Cut off all contact.

There is nothing more tempting, when you are missing your lost love, then to stalk him or her.

Unfortunately, these days there are so many ways to keep tabs on a lost love – social media has made it all so easy. And keeping tabs on a lost love makes it really hard to let go and move on.

I know that it doesn ‘ t seem like that big of a deal, to take a quick peak at your lost love ‘ s feed, but you know, as well as I do, that there is a chance you could see something on there that you just don ‘ t want to see. Perhaps him out there having fun without you, doing something that you used to do together, or even doing it with someone else. And seeing any or all of those things could send you into a tail spin.

So, eliminate all ties to your loved one on social media. Block him on your phone. Don ‘ t ask your mutual friends about what he is doing. Tell yourself that he has moved to Mars and that you will never see him again.

You will be glad you did.

#3 – Exercise and take care of yourself.

Ok, so you are single again and you suddenly find yourself with lots of free time. And you might also find yourself craving a lot of ice cream.

Now is not the time to sit around, watching Netflix and eating ice cream. While those things might be fun in the moment, in the long run they will only make you feel worse.

The best thing that you can do for yourself right now is to exercise and take care of yourself. When you are going through a hard time, the number one thing that can make you feel better is the endorphins that are created through exercise. Those chemicals will actually make you feel very different from the sad and lonely person you might feel like right now.

Furthermore, if you get enough sleep and eat well, your body will feel strong and it will help with your healing.

And, best of all, taking care of yourself will make you look hot, way hotter than you might look if you only indulged in Netflix and ice cream. And looking good is an excellent way to win your break up. Imagine the look on his face when he sees you next!

So, again, this is the time to take care of yourself. Don ‘ t let yourself fall apart. The pulling yourself back together will be so much more difficult if you do.

#4 – Do something that you have always wanted to do.

Another thing to do with all of that free time is to start doing something that you have always wanted to do. Don ‘ t sit around feeling sorry for your empty space – do something with it.

A client of mine broke up with a man she loved desperately but who couldn ‘ t commit to her. She was devastated. I asked her to name a few things that she had always wanted to do. One of the things that she came up with was writing.

In this day and age, it is quite possible to write and get what you write out to the masses without going through the process of publishing a book or getting a magazine to publish your article. You can simply write a blog and post it to a variety of platforms available online.

My client started writing about her broken heart, what happened, her insights about what she could have done differently, the way she felt with him gone from her life. It was hard work for her, emotionally, but soon she started to get a following. Other women who were going through the same things appreciated her written words and started commenting on her articles. As a result, she built a small community of women who supported each other through the rough times.

What is it that you have always wanted to do? Pick one thing and start doing it. You have the time. Life is short. Don ‘ t waste it!

#5 – Reconnect with old friends ‘ ¦and make new ones.

For many of us, relationships mean that we disconnected with people who might previously have been a big part of our lives. None of us do it intentionally, or with malice, but it does happen. And those friends are still out there.

Make an effort to reach out to those friends, the friends who knew you ‘ ˜before. ‘ They will be happy to have you back and happy to support you getting through this time.

Also, now is a great time to make new friends. I have a client who is using Bumble BFF, an app for women to connect with other women,to find some new friends, ones who are single and want to get out and do things like she does. She has connected with some amazing women in just a few weeks.

People are a great way to get you through a tough time. And you have lots of people. Reach out and find them again.

Letting go of love is devastating and a big part of getting through it is by figuring out what to do next.

Having a plan is always the best course of action, I believe, much better than TV and junk food and hours spent dreading the future.

So, now that you have read this article, get up off the couch. Get a notebook and make a list of all of the reasons that you broke up with your guy. Keep it close. Block your guy on your phone and on every social media platform you are connect on. Get out there and exercise. Do somethings that you have always wanted to do. Reconnect with old friends. Fill your calendar with things that will make you happy and disconnect from the guy you had to let go.

I know it doesn ‘ t seem possible but life does not end with a break up. Rather, it begins again. It is up to you to take advantage of this new beginning and make the most of your life.

You can do it! It will be worth it! I promise ‘ ¦

Have you let go of love and are struggling with the pain?
Let me help, NOW, so that you can get through it and move on!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

What Kind of Woman Is Most Likely to Find Lasting Love?

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Finding last love in this modern world is verydifficult. What kind of woman is most likely to find lasting love?

We all want it. To have someone who is our best friend, someone we can share our hopes and dreams with, someone who we can build a life with.And, yet, for many women, finding and keeping lasting love can be very difficult.

I have talked to many women in healthy relationships over the years and there are 5 personality traits that most of them share. Let me share them with you.

#1 – They know themselves.

Women who are in healthy relationships know themselves. Truly know themselves.

They know their strengths and their weaknesses. They have dealt with their past. They recognize their limitations and are willing to reach out for help when they know they need it.

Women who find lasting love KNOW what they want. They know what kind of man they want, what kind of traits he will have, what kind of man will bring out the best in them. They set their eye on finding that man and build themselves a clear path to do so.

If you are a woman who doesn ‘ t know who she is, who hasn ‘ t taken a good hard look at who you are in the world and what you want, then you will have a hard time finding and keeping lasting love.

#2 – They don’t take things personally.

I know many women who reflect everything that happens in the world on themselves. Women who do this have a low ego strength. Everything that happens in the world they filter through their perception of themselves.

I have a clientwho reflects everything that happens back on herself. Her husband didn ‘ t want to help his mother clean out her attic and my client ‘ s reaction was that if her husband didn ‘ t help her with her attic in 10 years, when she was retiring, she would be really angry.

Another client was upset because her husband didn ‘ t do what he said he was going to do so that meant that he didn ‘ t love her.

Women who take everything personally don ‘ t have confidence with who they are in the world. They look at life through their own personal lens which doesn ‘ t allow them to let a man in and love them for who they are. They judge their man for their actions. They don’t believe a man can love them for who they are. They are paralyzed by the person they see in the mirror, a person they don’t like very much. And how can you expect a man to like you if you don’t like yourself?

So, don ‘ t take things personally. Understand that your man’s thoughts and deeds are independent of you. Seek to love and like who you are so that the person you are with can love and like you too.

#3 – They areflexible.

Women who find lasting love are flexible. They are willing to roll with whatever comes along and bend themselves to accommodate it.

I have a client who is very black and white in her thinking about the world. If her relationship isn’t going the way she thinks it shouldthen she is immediately stymied. She tries to bend it back to her way of thinking and, more often than not, she gets shut down in the process. If only she was willing to look at all sides of the relationship she might be able to help it evolve into something healthy that works for everyone.

I have another client who, when things don ‘ t go the way that she thinks they will, gets totally overcome and just can ‘ t deal at all. She is paralyzed by the idea that something must go in a different direction and she shuts down. And when she does, her relationship falls apart.

So, try to be flexible in the world. Anticipate and accept that your relationship just might not go the way you think it will and roll with it.You will be happy you did.

#4 – They have a sense of humor.

Life can be exceedingly difficult and women who are in healthy relationships are able to laugh at how hard it can be.

Think about those days when everything goes wrong. Your husband is cranky in the morning because he is going to be late to work. Your plans to meet for lunch get cancelled because he has meetings. He forgets that you are going to go shopping together and has a beer after work, from which he comes home later than he said he would.

When this happens, you have two choices. You can collapse in a heap of anger and despair, drink 3 glasses of wine and yell at your husband. OR you can throw your hands up in the air, recognize how crazy life is and go for a walk with your dog to let it all go.

If you can just let things go, if you can see that life is just difficult and accept it with grace and humor, you will be way more likely to find and keep the lasting love that you seek.

#5 – They never, ever give up.

The key to finding, and keeping, lasting love is determination. The determination to succeed, to get what you want, to not let anything get in your way.

I have a client whose husband left her for his college girlfriend years ago. It was totally out of the blue and she was devastated. It took her some time to get back on her feet but when she did she did so with gusto.

She took the time to figure out what she wanted in the world and she went for it. She started her own business and worked hard to make it successful. She moved to New York City because she knew it would give her the opportunities that she seeked. And she made herself a list of the kind of man she was looking for. 6 year later, her business is a success and she has found the man of her dreams. A lot of things got in the way but she never gave up. And she got what she wanted.

So, if lasting love is what you seek, go for it. Set your sights on what you want and don ‘ t let go, no matter what gets in your way.

There is no reason why any women should have difficulty finding the lasting love that she seeks.

Women have been letting men take the lead in relationships for too long, letting their ‘ ˜womanness ‘ hold them back from actively pursuing what they want.

I would argue that the things that make us women, the self-awareness, the determination, the flexibility and the sense of humor, the personality traits that we naturally possess, giveus all the tools that we need to find the love that we seek.

So, go out there in the world, be a woman, and find your person. You can do it! I promise.

If you are still reading this you must really want to find lasting love?
Let me help, NOW! Your guy is out there waiting for you!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

5 Ways to Tell if the Guy You Love Doesn’t Love You Back

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Are you wondering if the guy you love loves you back?

How any times have you sat with a friend as she cried about the man that she loves because she is confused about whether he loves her or not. How many? Thousands perhaps? Me too.

And don ‘ t you always want to say ‘ ˜it ‘ s so obvious! He doesn ‘ t love you! ‘ ? Because it is so obvious. To you, but not to her.

And now do you find yourself in the her place? Wondering if the guy you love loves you back?

Let me help. There are 5 ways to tell that your guy doesn ‘ t love you. They are:

#1 – He constantly makes excuses about why he can’t spend time with you.

A guy who is in love with a girl actively wants to spend time with her. In fact, he will move heaven and earth to spend time with her.

Now, I am not saying that your guy doesn ‘ t love you if he goes to a football game with the guys or has breakfast with his mother. But if your guy regularly has to work late on date night or is having problems with his car or suddenly has been struck down a mysterious illness then there is the possibility that he is making excuses not to see you.

And if he is making excuses to not see you then he definitely isn ‘ t in love with you. Because, if he was, he would be sitting right by your side and you would not be reading this article

#2 – He ghosts you in any way.

Does your guy disappear?

Do you text him and not hear back for hours and when you do there is talk about a broken phone keyboard or a dead battery?

Are you supposed to meet your guy for dinner but at the last minute he tells you he can ‘ t make it and then you don ‘ t hear from him for a day?

Does he tell you that he isn ‘ t feeling well enough to hang out with you and then spends the night posting on Facebook and he doesn ‘ t respond to any of your messages?

If your guy ghosts you in any way he doesn ‘ t love you. A guy who loves a girl treats her with respect and that respect means that he responds to her clearly and honestly. He is clear about his actions and his intentions and he shares them with her.

So, if your guy disappears regularly, with lame excuses, then he most definitely isn ‘ t in love with you.

#3 – He spends more time on his hobbies than with you.

Does your man have a hobby that regularly takes him away from you?

A client of mine has a guy who is passionate about riding his bike. Every weekend he goes out with his posse and they clock as many miles as they can get in. Every weekend.

My friend had no problem with his passion for biking until he started to put his bike over her on his priority list. The weekend would come along and she would want to just spend time with him but his bike ride came first. So, she would wait and when he got back he was always too tired to do anything with her.

If you man has a hobby great! Everyone should have a hobby! But if he regularly puts his hobby ahead of you on his play list then he doesn ‘ t love you.

Time to go find a man who has a hobby to share with the woman he loves.

#4 – He isn ‘ t always nice to you.

Do you come downstairs after carefully dressing for dinner only to have your guy make a snide comment about what you are wearing?

Does your man comment on your horrible cooking in front of your friends?

Does he mock new ideas that you might have about your career?

If your man does any of these things, he doesn ‘ t love you. A man who is in love with a woman treats her with the utmost respect and would never dream of being unkind to her.

Of course, some men are clueless and will say something innocent about your dress without meaning to but if your man is regularly unkind to you then he definitely doesn ‘ t love you.

#5 – He doesn ‘ t do things just to make you happy.

Do you make plans to go out with the girls and ask him to take care of the kids and he refuses?

Do you want to spend that extra money that you have saved on a new dishwasher and he insists that it would be better spent elsewhere?

Do you want to spend some quality time with him but he is always too busy?

Men who love their woman want to give them what they want because they know that if a woman feels taken care of she will feel loved. If a man is always selfish in his considerations and doesn ‘ t care at all what you want then that man doesn ‘ t love you.

So, I ask you, if your friend was telling you about a man who fits the criteria above, what you would you say to her? And what would you hope your friend would say to you if the positions were reversed?

Read this list. Keep it. Memorize it. Use it now to get rid of the guy who doesn’t love you and keep it for later use. Hopefully you won ‘ t need it but keep it close in case you do ‘ ¦

The guy who will truly love you is out there. Don ‘ t settle for someone who just pretends he does. Move on NOW!

Are you wondering if your guy loves you back?
Let me help!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

5 Things You Need To Know About Combating Situational Depression

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Are things in your life rough these days? Are you plagued by feelings of hopelessness and dread? Do you find yourself combating situational depression? Are you wondering what to do?

Let me help!

Combating situational depression is different from dealing with other kinds of depression. Here are some things that you need to know to win the fight!

#1 – Know the difference between chemical and situational depression.

Diagnostically, are two basic kinds of depression: situational depression and chemical depression. They have similar symptoms but different causes.

Situational depression is caused by something that happens in your life. When something big happens that makes you sad, like the death of a parent or a divorce or the loss of a job, you can become situationally depressed. This kind of depression usually has a beginning, caused by a specific event, and an end, and is often treated differently from chemical depression.

Chemical depression is the result your brain chemistry being off in such a way that leads to depression. You are most often born with chemical depression but it can also by caused by a traumatic life event.

Chemical depression can happen to youeven if your life is going great.

So, ask yourself some questions about what your life looks like these days to help you figure out what kind of depression you might have.

If you think you have situational depression, read on. If you think you have chemical depressionhere is an article for you to read to learn more.

#2 – Know what is causing YOUR situational depression.

As I stated above, situational depression happens when something occurs in your life that causes you extreme stress and because you haven ‘ t yet adapted to the changes brought about as a result of that event.

Issues that can bring about situational depression include:

  • Problems at work or school
  • Illness
  • Death of a loved one
  • Moving
  • Relationship issues

Furthermore, many people who struggle with situational depression often have preexisting experiences with some sort of trauma that might contribute to their mood changes. Some possible experiences may be:

  • Existing mental health problems
  • Several difficult life experiences happening at once
  • Having gone through considerable stress as a child

So, take a good look at your life right now. Are you struggling with something? Is your child having issues at school? Is your marriage a mess? Are your parents ill? Anything that is out of the ordinary and which is making it more difficult to function.

If you are sad, and you are struggling with life events, you might be situationally depressed.

#3 – Know the symptoms of situational depression.

Most people with situational depression develop symptoms within roughly 90 days following the event that triggers the condition. Symptoms can include:

  • Listlessness
  • Hopelessness
  • Lack of enjoyment of regular activities
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Sadness
  • Recurring bouts of crying
  • Loss of interest in food
  • Anxiety
  • Worry
  • Loss of Concentration
  • Withdrawal from work or friends
  • Suicidal thoughts

Symptoms of situational depression vary from person to person and usually include more than one of the symptoms above.

Review the list above carefully. If any of these things seem familiar to you then you might be struggling with situational depression and it ‘ s time to deal with it. Situational depression can cause severe disruption of your life if left untreated.

#4 – Know the best way to treat situational depression.

In many cases, situational depression will ease on its own. There are things that you can do in the meantimeto help relieve the symptoms. Getting exercise, eating well, getting enough sleep, sharing your feelings and doing things that make you happy can all help ease your sense of sadness.

However, if your symptoms are seriously disrupting your life or not going away, it would be a good idea to talk to your Primary Care doctor about what is going on. It might be time to talk to a psychologist and/or get treated with some medication.

Either way, it is important that you pay attention to your moods so that you know if they are getting worse or better. It ‘ s often easy to lose sight of the fact that it ‘ s the depression that is making your life so bleak. We start to blame ourselves for not being strong enough or outgoing enough or smart enough when in fact our self-image is clouded by the depression.

Checking in with your moods regularly so that you can deal with them properly is an important part of dealing with your situational depression.

#5 – Know that you should have hope.

Some people with situational depression have symptoms for longer than 6 months. This is especially common when something else happens during the recovery period, which often happens because, well, this is life.

If yourdepression is seriously impacting your life, whether just for a few weeks or a few months, reach out to your doctor to get some support. Your life just might depend on it.

Luckily, for many, situational depression can abate quickly, especially if you make a special effort to take care of yourself, sleep and eat well, get exercise and hang out with those you love.

So, have some hope that your situational depression will most likely pass, that it won ‘ t be a part of your life forever. How you are feeling today is most likely not how you will feel in a month or two.

Combating situational depression is exhausting. Life is hard enough and being sad, overwhelmed and hopeless as well can be devastating.

Fortunately, dealing with situational depression is possible. Take a good look at your life and try to identify what might be causing your sadness. Knowing what the source of your sadness is the first step to dealing with it.

Take care of yourself. Exercise, eat and sleep well. Pay attention to your moods and manage them. Have hope that, with time or with treatment, it will pass and you will get your life back.

You can do it! I promise.

Are you combating situational depression?
Let me help!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

How To Make A Woman Feel Safe And Secure

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It ‘ s something that women always say they are looking for in a man, someone to make them ‘ ˜feel safe. ‘

And, of course, you want to give her that. What man wouldn ‘ t?

But how the hell do you do that? What makes a woman feel safe? Let me tell you ‘ ¦.

#1 – Listen to her.

The most important thing to make a woman feel safe is for her to know that you are listening to her.

That when she talks you are paying attention and understanding what she is saying and feeling.

While you might be inclined to think that you need to ‘ ˜fix ‘ her to make her feel safe, in reality really all she wants you to do is to listen and let her know that you are there for her.

So, next time your girl opens up to you, sit down and pay attention. Hold her hand, empathize with her feelings and confirm for her that you are there and that you always will be.

#2 – Do what you say you are going to do.

Are you one of those guys who doesn ‘ t always do what you say you are going to do?

Do you tell your girl that you will be home at 6 even if you aren ‘ t going to be home until 8 because you don ‘ t want to make her mad? Or that you will go pick out the windows for the house renovation, even though chances are good that you will have to work?

Often, for many men, they don ‘ t do what they say they are going to do because they are worried that if they speak the truth they will hurt or upset their woman.

In fact, the opposite is true. Men who don ‘ t do what they say they are going to do actually hurt their woman more and definitely don ‘ t make them feel safe.

So, make sure you do what you say you are going to do. Allow your woman to feel confident that she can rely on you to always be there for her. And make her feel safe.

#3 – Tell her how you feel about her.

Have you ever thought to yourself ‘ ˜I don ‘ t need to tell her how I feel about her. She knows. ‘

Do you take out the garbage faithfully, assuming that by doing so your woman will know you love her?

If the answer to either question is YES then you are wrong!

Telling your woman how you feel about her is a key component in making her feel safe. She might have a sense of how you feel but to actually hear the words come out of your mouth let ‘ s her know that you have her back. That you care about her enough to tell her and that she knows that she can count on you to be there for her.

#4 – Act like a man.

I know. I know. In this day and age men and women are equal. And my 23 year old daughter will kill me for saying this but the truth of the matter is that men can make women feel safe by just acting like themselves.

Men are genetically programmed to be protectors. The survival of the species depended on men protecting their women and children from predators. That instinct is not gone in this 21stcentury world.

I am not saying that you need to brandish your club and knock down anyone who messes with your girl but make sure that she knows that you are there for her, to reach the things that she can ‘ t reach, to carry that load that is just too much for her, to hold the door open when her hands are full and to get rid of that dead mouse carcass the cat dragged in.

Tap into your inner caveman, without letting him take you over completely, and allow your girl to feel safe.

#5 – Be honest.

The number one most important thing in making a woman feel safe is to be honest.

I said above that it is important that you always do what you say you are going to do but it is more than that.

For a woman to feel safe she needs to feel trust. And if you can ‘ t be honest with her she can never trust you.

So, if you can ‘ t get home for dinner, tell her. If you need to see your mother instead of going out with her friends, don ‘ t make an excuse. Tell her the truth. If you ran up the credit card debt or forgot to give the kids a bath or need some time on your own, be direct and up front. Tell her the truth, right away.

Let her know that she can rely on you to be honest and if you do she will feel safe.

If you want the girl of your dreams to love you forever, let her feel safe.

Listen to her, do what you say you are going to do, tell her how you feel about her, protect her and be honest.

I promise you. You make your girl feel safe and she is yours forever.

If you have read this far you must have a girl you want to feel safe and secure.
Let me help you, NOW, before she finds someone else!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

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