5 Tips For Surviving Infidelity As The Cheater

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Have you recently had an affair, or perhaps are you in the middle of one? If you are I know you ‘ re struggling, looking for ideas for surviving infidelity as the cheater.

I have had many clients who have had affairs and, while from the outside they might seem sexy and exciting, from the inside they ‘ re scary, overwhelming and fraught with guilt. That ‘ s not to say the sex isn ‘ t good but the guilt that comes with having an affair can sometimes be more than you can bear.

Fortunately, I have many clients who have been able to let go of the guilt they struggle with, people who see that surviving infidelity as the cheater is possible. Let me help you do the same.

#1 – Know that you are only human.

One thing that we all forget about is that we are only human.

We are raised to think that we are special, that we are different, that we can handle things that other people can ‘ t. And while to some extent this might be true, because everybody IS different, the truth of the matter is that we are all only human and we make mistakes.

People who have affairs are People who are often not happy with their lives. More likely than not, people who have affairs are struggling both in their personal lives and in their relationships. They don ‘ t feel good about themselves and/or they are struggling to find happiness with their partner.

It ‘ s a horrible, horrible place to be and, if you are in that place, what I suggest is that you cut yourself some slack. You are only human. You are going to make mistakes.

You are a person in the world, one trying to manage the insecurity and unhappiness in your life in a way that allows you to survive. Some people drink too much, some people eat too much, some people drive their cars too fast and some people have affairs.

You are not alone in the world. Plenty of other people are having affairs right now and feeling the same sort of guilt you are. So, let yourself off the hook, know that you are a good person but that you have made a bad choice.

We all make bad choices sometimes and none of us should be forever condemned for it.

#2 – Know that it ‘ s not all your fault.

I know you think that this affair is all your fault. You are the one who met someone else, developed a connection with that person and perhaps embarked down the road to a sexual relationship. Yes, you did that.

But you didn ‘ t do it in a void. As I stated above, people who are having affairs are often people who are deeply unhappy in their relationship. And they aren ‘ t the only person in that relationship.

Relationships are comprised of two people and two people are responsible when relationships start to suffer. Perhaps your husband works all the time and you are lonely. Or perhaps your wife has become detached and refuses to talk to you. You feel like you ‘ ve tried to fix things but you haven ‘ t had much success.

Most people don ‘ t intend to have affairs. They just happen. And they happen when people are vulnerable. All of my clients who have had affairs are people who were in a relationship that wasn ‘ t working and it wasn ‘ t working because the TWO people in the relationship were not willing, or able, to repair it. And then infidelity can happen.

Yesterday, I was talking to a client of mine who carries a tremendous amount of guilt about an affair he had and I asked him to think about why he had an affair. What was going on in his relationship that gave him the space to have an affair? He responded by saying ‘ ˜Nothing. My wife is perfect and the affair was all my fault. ‘ I pushed back and we dug a little deeper and we realized that she repeatedly did things that made him feel insecure about himself and that led him to move towards someone who thought he was amazing.

So, please try to understand that your affair is not all your fault. Understanding that will help you manage the guilt that you are struggling with.

#3 – Get some support.

For many people who have had affairs, the prospect of reaching out to get some professional help is unthinkable.

People who have had affairs are racked with guilt and self-loathing and to admit what they have done just seems more then they can bear.

I can promise you that therapists, psychologists and life coaches have seen it all and will absolutely not judge you if you disclose that you ‘ re having an affair. I can promise you that they will look at you with understanding and be able to help you do the work that needs be done to help you manage your guilt.

Another source of excellent help are others who have also survived infidelity. Only people who have experienced infidelity can really understand what it ‘ s all about. Having someone who has been through it can help you understand and manage your emotions in a way that will help you let it go.

Find a support group for people who have survived infidelity. The sharing could change your life.

Please, reach out today. Don ‘ t go through this alone.

#4 – Shut things down.

The key piece of surviving the guilt of infidelity is to stop being unfaithful.

You can use all the techniques that I have described above and they will help you manage your guilt but they won ‘ t help you let it go completely.

The only way to stop truly feeling guilty about having an affair is to stop having one.

I know, I know. That ‘ s way easier said than done. But it is possible and doing so is the best thing that you can do to stop that guilt cold in it tracks.

#5 – Rebuild your relationship.

Rebuilding your relationship after having affair might seem like an impossible thing to do, and it just might be, but if you can do it successfully you have the best chance of surviving the guilt of infidelity.

Think about when you are doing a project and you make a big mistake and everything goes wrong but in the end the project is successful. It ‘ s the same thing with a marriage that has been rocked by infidelity. The rocking doesn ‘ t have to cause the ship to sink. If you can manage the rock and keep the relationship afloat and moving forward then all ‘ s well that ends well.

Imagine how good it would feel to be back in your relationship, safe, solid and happy.

Right now, surviving infidelity as the cheater might seem impossible but it doesn ‘ t have to be.

I know for days, weeks, months or perhaps longer you have been racked with the guilt of what you are doing but it doesn ‘ t have to be that way.

Recognize that you are only human, know that it ‘ s not all your fault, get yourself some help, end your affair and work to rebuild your relationship.

If you can do these things then you will survive the guilt of your transgression and might even end up in a better relationship as a result. How great would that be?

Get started now. You can do it!

Are you really struggling with surviving infidelity as the cheater?
Let me help, NOW, before it’s too late!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

5 Places To Find Inspiration When Feeling Depressed

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Are you feeling really down and looking to find inspiration when feeling depressed?

Does the world seem hopeless and do you feel helpless and would you do anything to feel just a little bit better?

Let me help!

Even if you might be feeling hopeless and full of despair, there are things out there in the world that will help you get through your day.

#1 – In the faces of those you love

I remember when my kids were little and I was depressed, the prospect of taking care of them seemed like too much to bear. And then they would smile. I would walk into their room in the morning and be greeted with the kind of smile kids saved for their mothers and it would melt my heart. It would also give me hope that my day, and my life, really was ok and that I could do this.

When we are depressed, being with those who love us is the best thing for us. Looking into the eyes of our mother or our sister or our friend and seeing love and compassion can fill us with the strength to move forward in spite of our depression

Spending time laughing and sharing with people you care about is the best medicine when we are feeling depressed. Who would your person be?

#2 – Out of doors.

An amazing place to find inspiration when feeling depressed is in the great outdoors.

I know that when I am feeling depressed getting out for a walk or a hike is the best thing that I can do. I put my ear buds in, turn up my music loud and walk hard. Or I walk slowly, taking notice of all of that is good out there in the natural world. I pause, sit in the sun and take stock of what is going on around me. There is something about noticing how the big and beautiful the world is that makes my problems seem small and less ugly.

A bonus of getting outside when you are feeling depressed is that you get more sunshine and sunshine, and the Vitamin D that you get from it, is an natural anti-depressant. Many people struggling with depression are Vitamin D deficient so spending time in the sun can remedy that.

What do you like to do outdoors? I know it might feel hard to motivate but get up off the couch right now and get out there. You will be glad you did!

#3 – Your favorite TV show

One of the best things to do when you are feeling depressed is to shut down your brain.

When we are depressed, our brains are our worst enemies. We spend time focusing on how sad we are, what losers we are, how we will never be happy again and how could someone possibly love us. And those thoughts just make everything worse.

What ‘ s the best way to shut down these thoughts? Mindless TV.

I know when I am depressed The Walking Dead is my go-to show. There is something about the end of the world that seems very cathartic to me. I have also learned that adrenaline is a natural antidepressant and I know that helps but I also know the characters well and are invested in their futures. Most of all, it takes my mind off of whatever it is I am stewing about that is bringing me down.

What show could you watch today? After you get yourself off the couch and take a walk that is.

#4 – Where you can make a difference

When I was going through my divorce and was terribly depressed I needed something to do to get out of the house so I decided to do some volunteer work.

Every week I would spend 4 hours working at the food pantry, helping register new customers. Talking to people who needed free food was so helpful for my depression because interacting with these people, listening to their stories and helping them get what they needed made me feel really good. I knew that I was making a difference in someone ‘ s life and that felt really good.

Is there somewhere you can do some volunteer work? The opportunities are endless – animal shelters, libraries, food pantries, hospitals. Get yourself out there making a difference in the world and you will feel your depression lift, if only for a while.

#5 – By taking stock

When I am sitting outside in the grass after taking my fast or slow walk, I like to take stock of all that is good in my life. Instead of running through all of the negatives I review, and write down, all that is good in my life. I have my kids, my boyfriend, my kitty, my home, my life coaching business and much more. Looking at my list helps me manage the hopelessness that is my constant companion when I am depressed.

Another thing that I do, because sometimes it ‘ s hard to take stock when I am feeling down, is that, when I am feeling good, I make a list of all of the things that are good in my life so that I can access it when I am feeling down. When the depression hits, I pull out my list and remember all of the things that make my life worth living and that helps manage my depression in a big way.

What is good in your life? I know it might seem hard to access right now but dig deep. Can you name 3 things? I bet you can!

Finding inspiration when feeling depressed is an excellent way to manage your depression, at least for the short term.

Finding little things that can help you feel better in the moment might really help you pull yourself out of your depression.

That being said, it ‘ s important to remember that, if your depression doesn ‘ t go away or seems to get worse, it is essential that you see your primary care doctor to figure out how to treat it. Managing depression on your own isn ‘ t always possible and the longer it goes untreated the worse it will get.

In the meantime, spend time with friends, get outdoors and take stock of all that is good in your life, do good for others and veg out in front of the TV (but only after your walk).

Depression can be debilitating and good for you for trying to figure out ways to manage it. You are one step closer to having it under control so that you can live your best life!

Are you really how to move forward while feeling depressed?
Let me help, NOW, before it’s too late!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

7 Traits Of Toxic People That You Shouldn’t Ignore

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If you are in a toxic relationship and are looking for personality traits of toxic people to help you manage it, let me help!

We all have them in our life – toxic people.

Whether it ‘ s a boss or a co-worker, a family member or a lover, we all have people in our life who we know only bring us down. And, unfortunately, for many of us, these toxic people bring us down every day.

The best way to avoid, or get rid of, the toxic people in our lives is to know what kind of personality traits they exhibit and to learn how to deal with them.

Fortunately, toxic people are fairly easy to identify, if you know what to look for. Of course, if your person has one or more of these personality traits that doesn ‘ t automatically mean they are toxic but, if you are reading this article I am guessing you are thinking they might be.

#1 – Self centeredness

Many toxic people are totally about themselves.

Everything that happens in the world, the good and the bad, is a reflection on them. They truly believe that they are the center of the universe and that everyone and everything should put their needs second to them.

Because of their self-centeredness, toxic people are simply incapable of reading the feelings of others, of having any concern that they might be causing pain. They have no interest in looking out for the needs of another person and would never put their needs above their own.

I have a client whose partner is as self-centered as they come. He pushes his girl away when he needs ‘ ˜time ‘ and then draws her back in when he wants her. He has done this over and over and she blames herself – if only she was good enough he would stay. But it ‘ s not about her. It ‘ s about him.

My client and I have been working on identifying the self-centeredness of her partner and, with that awareness, that he is incapable of putting someone other than himself first, she is seeing that their relationship problem is on him and not her. And that is giving her the strength to walk away, as all people should do in toxic relationships.

#2 – Insecurity

Many toxic people are paralyzingly insecure. And it is this insecurity that brings about toxicity.

With my same client, her guy had a horrible childhood with his father disappearing and his mother struggling with difficult relationships. He started drinking young, has a hard time staying employed and is chronically unfaithful. I think he knows that he has failed on many levels and it consumes him.

How does this make him toxic? Because of his insecurity, he is quick to blame others for his failings. He lashes out at people who let him down. He finds it hard to believe that anyone could ever love him so he will not commit to loving someone else.

So how do you deal with an insecure person? Again, awareness is an important part of it. And you can ‘ t make someone who is insecure secure by telling them they are wonderful. What you can do is make your person feel safe and help them gain security by helping them find successes. If you can do that, you could help you person manage their insecurity and, therefore, their toxicity.

#3 – Possessiveness

People who are toxic are often very possessive.

People who are possessive don ‘ t like to share their friends or their lovers with other people. They hold on tight to someone who might try to live their own life, sometimes causing those people to become alienated from others.

My client ‘ s partner would push back every time she wanted to go out and spend time with friends. He would make up excuses as to why she had to be with him or he would pretend that he was sick to make her stay home. If those things didn ‘ t work, he would fly into a rage and insist that she stay and not go. More often than not, she complied.

If your person is possessive, a good thing to do at the first sign of it is to talk it through. Your person needs to understand, from the beginning, that you will have your own life and that you will always want to do things on your own.

If you person doesn ‘ t like that, leave them. Immediately!

#4 – Controlling

Toxic people are very often controlling. They insist on managing how their partner acts, what they wear, what they eat, who they hang out with etc.

People’s need to control and their possessiveness are often the result of their insecurities. They believe that if their person is out of their sight they will lose them. As a result, they do whatever they can to control the actions of their partner.

My client ‘ s partner insisted that she always texted him every morning when she woke up, during her coffee break, at lunch, on her way home from work and at bedtime. If she didn ‘ t do so, he would blow up her phone, wondering why she hadn ‘ t reached out.

My client timidly did exactly what her partner wanted her to do. She figured that he did it because he loved her – not because he was trying to control her. Once I pointed out what he was doing she recognized the effect it was having on her and stopped doing what he wanted just to keep the peace.

#5 – Easily angered

People who are toxic are usually very angry. It doesn ‘ t take much to trigger them into a rage. Because they are working so hard to control their world, even the smallest thing can ‘ t set them off.

My client ‘ s partner would often rage at her about the smallest thing. The not texting was just one of many examples. And she lived in constant fear of his anger – it was scary and upsetting. Walking around on eggshells was exhausting.

Anger is one of those personality traits that you can ‘ t do anything about. You can encourage your partner to get help, which they may or may not do. You can also leave them. That might seem scary but getting away from a person with anger issues might be the smartest thing you ever do.

#6 – Meanness

One very significant personality traits of a toxic person is that they are mean. Not just unpleasant but mean.

I had a boss once who was constantly insulting the people who worked for him. He would cut them down at staff meetings, undermine them with the clients, belittle them for shoddy work habits and continually mock the way they dressed. As you can imagine, the work environment was toxic.

So how to you deal with a mean person? Once again, you can quit your job or leave your lover. You can also choose how to manage your reactions to that person. You know that their default reaction is meanness. If you know that, perhaps you can moderate your reaction to them – you can recognize that what they say is more about them then it is about you.

Doing so might mitigate the damage done by their toxic words and action.

#7 – Passive aggressiveness

I believe the most common personality trait of toxic people is passive aggressiveness.

Passive aggressiveness is defined as behavior characterized by the expression of negative feelings, resentment, and aggression in an unassertive passive way (as through procrastination and stubbornness) ‘

Passive aggressive people don ‘ t come out and say what they mean or what they want. They hint and suggest and they undermine and pry. Whatever they need to do to get you to act in a certain way or do something with directly asking or taking responsibility.

The reason that I believe that passive aggressive people are the most compelling personality trait of toxic people is because passive aggressive people manipulate others to get what they want and that in and of itself is toxic.

So how do you deal with a passive aggressive person? I encourage my clients to talk to their person about their passive aggressive tendencies and to not allow themselves to be manipulated. If they can do that, they might raise awareness in their partner of their manipulative ways and they can work together to change them.

The personality traits of toxic people are ones that are key to notice if you want to be happy in this world.

Toxic people bring us down every day. Not matter how hard we work to make our lives a better place, we have no control over what toxic people bring into our lives.

Having some awareness that toxic people are self-centered, insecure, possessive, controlling, angry, mean and passive aggressive will help you identify those who you want to stay away from and give you some information to manage those who are already in your life.

Life is too short to let your happiness be hampered by toxic people.

Why Letting Go of a Past Love Is Important for Future Happiness

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Are you really struggling with letting go of a past love? Are you sure that your ex was the only person for you and that you could never possibly be happy again?

I get it! The pain that you are in now is pain that is intense and feels like it will never end.

But it can! If you want it to.

If you are determined and ready to take the next steps and work on letting go of a past love, you will give yourself a chance at true love and happiness.

Is that hard to imagine that it ‘ s possible? Let me tell you why ‘ ¦

#1 – You will know what you want.

For many of us, the time after we have broken up with someone we loved is a time of real reflection.

Whether we did the breaking up or were broken up with, one way to manage pain is to take a good hard look at what happened and what we really want.

What have you learned from your past love?

Over the course of my post-divorce dating years I fell in love many times. None of them lasted, for a variety of reasons. And while I was at times broken hearted, with every break up I learned more and more about what I wanted.

I wanted someone who could make me feel special, who was smart and funny and honest, who had a great relationship with this family and who knew who he was. As I let go of each of these men, I was able to take another step towards knowing myself and what I wanted in the world – and thereby find true happiness.

#2 – You can focus on what ‘ s in front of you.

Have you tried dating since your break up? Has it been an unmitigated disaster because you can ‘ t help but think about your ex and everything that you have lost?

Are you given great new career opportunities or the chance to travel and you don ‘ t take them because you are too focused on your broken heart and maybe getting your lover back?

Are your friends there to go dancing but you can ‘ t join them because you are wallowing?

Letting go of a past love, in spite of the pain and the lost hopes, will allow you to lift your head and focus on the opportunities for happiness that are put in front of you.

If you don ‘ t, you will be destined to be miserable. And life is too short to be miserable.

#3 – You will stop comparing.

When we are in a new relationship and we have not yet been able to let go of an old one, it is very difficult to stop yourself from comparing the two.

If your new guy isn ‘ t as funny as your old, you will hold that against him, even if he is funny in his own way. If the sex isn ‘ t as good, you could shut down instead of giving it a chance to improve, as sex lives often do. If he doesn ‘ t make as much money as your old guy you might think he isn ‘ t good enough for you, completely ignoring that he knows who he is because he does work that feels good.

Another thing that happens with people who struggle with letting go of a past love is that we hold on to our ‘ ˜issues. ‘ Our ‘ ˜baggage. ‘

If we were lied to by our ex, we are always worried that our new person will lie to us. If your old guy ignored you when you were at parties, you will stress out if your new person leaves your side even for a minute.

Letting go of a past love allows us to also let go of the damage that they did to us. And if we can do so, we will have a much better chance at future happiness, both in love and life!

#4 – You will no longer suffer.

Imagine if you no longer suffered with the pain that you are suffering with right now.

Imagine how good it would feel to get up in the morning and not get that stab of pain when you remember that you are alone.

Imagine going out with friends, not always hoping that you might see your guy, only to be disappointed if you don ‘ t.

Letting go of a past love will help alleviate that pain. If we can let go of the hopes and dreams, of the thousand little cuts and the things that made us so unhappy, then we will stop suffering and open ourselves up to the possibility of happiness.

If pain is your constant companion, happiness will be elusive. So, work hard to let go and move on, move on towards the life of your dreams.

#5 – You can truly let someone in.

Many of my clients jump right back into dating after a break up. And while I encourage people to date again when they are ready, I don ‘ t encourage them to quickly fall back in love.

Trying to give yourself to someone when you are still attached to another is almost impossible. If your heart belongs to someone else, letting another person in, allowing them to truly love you, is a fruitless effort.

You can try to fake it til you make it but ultimately you are doing both of you a disservice, wasting time that could be spent healing.

Imagine how it would feel to truly love and be loved again. To have someone make you feel like the world was yours for the taking, who would stand by you through thick and thin and who would support you in everything you do.

You can have that, and more, if you are successful at letting go of a past love. I promise.

Letting go of a past love might seem simply impossible in this moment. But you can do it!

Being inspired to get the life that you want, one where pain is not your constant companion, where you know what you want, where you won ‘ t compare and you can let someone in is the best way to get started on the hard work of letting go of a love that wasn ‘ t serving you.

If you can do that – if you can beat the pain and move forward, then you can, and will, live happily ever after!

I know it. I have been there!

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really need to let go of someone who doesn’t love you.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before you get even more stuck.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

How to Keep Moving on When You’re Feeling Depressed

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Has your life gotten to that place where you ‘ re feeling depressed all the time?

Are you feeling hopeless and full of dread and worried about what the future will hold?

If you are, I am so sorry. Being depressed and hopeless is a horrible place to be!

Fortunately, there are things you can do to keep moving on when you ‘ re feeling depressed and like you always will be.

#1 – Assess the situation.

There are two kinds of depression, situational and chemical. They have similar symptoms but different causes. Knowing what kind of depression you have is the first step to dealing with it.

Situational depression is caused by something that happens in your life. When something big happens that makes you sad, like the death of a parent or a divorce or the loss of a job, you can become situationally depressed. This kind of depression usually has a beginning, caused by a specific event, and an end, and is often treated differently from chemical depression.

Chemical depression is the result your brain chemistry being off in such a way that leads to depression. You are most often born with chemical depression but it can also by caused by a traumatic life event.

Chemical depression can happen to youeven if your life is going great.

So, ask yourself some questions about what your life looks like these days to help you figure out what kind of depression you might have.

If you think you have situational depression, read on. If you think you have chemical depressionhere is an article for you to read to learn more about next steps.

#2 – Do things that make you feel good.

If you ‘ re feeling depressed all of the time, our inclination is to collapse into our life. We stay in bed, we don ‘ t shower or eat well and cut off contact with those we love.

Let me tell you: if you are feeling depressed, collapsing is absolutely the worst thing that you can do. Instead it is important to do things that make you feel good.

For me, I keep a list of things to do when I am feeling depressed. First off: take a long, hard walk (the endorphins are great for my depression). Also, do yoga. Watch The Walking Dead. Take a bath. Go to the movies. Have sex. Eat Pad Thai. When I am depressed I do one, or all, of those things and my depression is often lifted.

So, what makes you happy? Write out a list, when you aren ‘ t depressed, of what makes you happy so that when you are depressed you are ready.

#3 – Keep your mind active.

Unfortunately, when you ‘ re feeling depressed, our worst enemy is that brain of ours.

While we are lying on the couch feeling sorry for ourselves, our brain is actively buying into it all.

You are a loser, it says. You have no friends. You aren ‘ t good at anything. You will never find love. You suck at your job. And on and on.

And, chances are, that none of those things are true. That you are not a loser, you have plenty of friends, you are talented, love is out there and your boss thinks you are doing great. But your brain, when you are depressed, just doesn ‘ t go there.

It is really important, when you ‘ re feeling depressed, to keep your brain busy. Yoga is a really good way to do this – you are so busy trying to figure out the damn pose that you don ‘ t have a chance to think about anything. It also has the side benefit of toning your body and making you feel strong, which can be helpful.

Other options for keeping your mind quiet are: reading, going to a movie, hanging out with friends, working. Meditation is also an option but I just get more depressed when I try, and fail, to meditate. If you can do it, go for it!

What do you like to do that will help you quiet that mind of yours, the mind that is feeding into those feelings that are bringing you down? Figure it out and do it!

#4 – Choose your playmates carefully.

One of the most important things to manage when you ‘ re feeling depressed is your environment. Your bed and your pjs might feel like the right thing to do but you know now they are not.

The same attention needs to be paid to who you spend time with when you are feeling depressed and anxious. If there are people in your life who bring you down then avoiding them when you aren ‘ t doing well is very important.

My mother was very difficult to spend time with when I was depressed. She was always trying to talk me out of my depression by pretending that it didn ‘ t exist or telling me to just snap out of it. Both of those things just made me feel worse. So, I avoided her when I wasn ‘ t doing well. It was best for both of us.

Consider who you shouldn ‘ t spend time with when you are depressed and avoid them. On the same note, think about who would be a good person to be with and make a date with them right now!

#5 – Talk to your doctor.

If everything else fails and still you find yourself feeling depressed and anxious all of the time, then it ‘ s time to call your primary care doctor.

Feeling consistently depressed and anxious might indicate some serious health problems and getting a complete check-up from your doctor could be really important.

Your doctor can take a look at all aspects of your life and help you come up with a plan for managing your depression and anxiety so that they don ‘ t get worse. Which they will do if they are left untreated and allowed to persist.

Remember, your doctor won ‘ t judge. There are lots of people who feel just like you do every day and that ‘ s what doctors are there for – to help us all.

If you ‘ re feeling depressed all of the time it ‘ s important that you do something about it and do something about it now!

Do a quick assessment of your life and try to figure out what kind of depression you might have. Take care of yourself, make yourself happy, keep your brain busy, control who you spend time with and, if necessary, see your doctor.

Depression can go away on its own if properly managed but will get worse if left untreated. So, try the things that I recommended above but always pay attention to how you are doing. If you are getting worse and not better, get help!

You can do it!

Is your depression threatening to make a mess of your life?
Let me help, NOW, before it gets out of control!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

How To Manage Feeling Depressed After A Breakup

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Are you feeling depressed after a breakup?

Were you in a relationship that end recently and, whether you wanted it or not, do you find yourself alone now and feeling depressed, hopeless that you will never be happy again?

Let me tell you that you aren ‘ t alone – that there are many women out there RIGHT NOW feeling the way you do. And the good news – you will all feel better soon. I promise!

How? Let me share what I know ‘ ¦.

#1 – Know that your feelings are normal.

You have just broken up with someone you once were deeply connected to. The hopes and dreams that you had for the future have been completely dashed. You are spending time alone that you used to spend with him. Your life is totally different and, honestly, not so great.

You are going to be sad. You are going to be devastated. And it ‘ s okay.

I remember, less than 12 hours after my mother died, my step-father was telling himself to snap out of it, to not be sad. He couldn ‘ t handle the pain that he was feeling. So, he stuffed it down. And, 4 years later, he is still overwhelmed by his loss.

It is important to be okay with the emotions that you are feeling. It isn ‘ t a reflection of any weakness on your part. It ‘ s a reflection of the pain that you are feeling. And it is important that you feel those feelings. That you feel the pain and the sadness and the regret and whatever emotions arise as a result of the break up.

Only by truly feeling and processing emotions are you able to work through them and let them go.

So, embrace your emotions. Own them as your own. Process them and let them go. If you do so, you will be able to let go feeling depressed after letting go of love.

#2 – Put yourself first.

One of the reasons that it ‘ s so hard to get over feeling depressed after a breakup is because when we are feeling depressed we stop taking care of ourselves.

Are you spending large amounts of time in your pjs, eating ice cream? When you do go out are you drinking more than usual? Are you not sleeping? Have you gotten any kind of exercise in recent memory?

If you have answered yes to any of these questions then you are not alone. I don ‘ t know many women who doesn ‘ t treat emotional issues with ice cream instead of marathons. So, don ‘ t feel bad but do try to make some change.

If you can ‘ t sleep, take some melatonin to help you get some. If you are eating ice cream, try to eat just a little bit less. Try to get off the couch and take a walk.

Taking care of yourself in this rough time is an essential piece of getting over feeling depressed after letting go of love.

#3- Embrace things that bring you joy.

I am someone who struggles with depression every day and one of the key things that I do when I am depressed is make sure that I do things that I know make me happy on good days.

What kind of things? I watch movies. I eat Pad Thai. I have sex. I spend time with my kids.

There is factual evidence that doing things that make you happy, that make you smile, actually help to alleviate depression. The actual act of smiling has been proven to change the chemicals firing in your brain, the ones that are causing the depression.

So, what makes you happy? I know that you are feeling depressed and the idea of doing ANYTHING is too much to bear but get up off the couch and do JUST ONE THING that you enjoy doing. See what happens.

#4 – No stalking.

For some reason, when we are going through a break-up, we can ‘ t resist the temptation to stalk our guy on social media. The temptation to see what he is up to, who he is hanging out with, who he might be seeing is just too much to resist.

When you do it, does it make you feel better? I didn ‘ t think so.

One of the most important parts of getting over feeling depressed after a breakup is to remove yourself completely from anything to do with your ex. Block him on your phone. Disconnect from him on Facebook, Instagram, etc. Don ‘ t talk to your friends about what he is doing.

Instead, pretend like he just doesn ‘ t exist. Pretend that he is a guy you used to know who has disappeared off the face of the earth. The less you think and know about your ex, the easier it will be for you to get over him.

#5 – Don ‘ t give up.

I know. I know. The prospect of getting back into another relationship is the last thing that you want to do. To give of yourself to someone else when you still have love for another person.

And that is fair. But it ‘ s also important that you don ‘ t stop living your life. You only have one life and it ‘ s short.

So, if someone from work invites you out for a drink, do it! Go to the movies with friends. If you are invited to a party, go to it. Put yourself back out in the world and into the path of love. You will meet new people, have new experiences and maybe find yourself another person to call your own.

If you stay home, on the couch, watching The Bachelor, eating ice cream you might feel safe and less vulnerable, but you will also stay depressed because you have stopped living your life and you just won ‘ t feel good about yourself.

Put yourself out there. Live your life. You will be glad you did.

Feeling depressed after a breakup is horrible feeling.

What we want more than anything is to move on and stop the pain NOW.

Unfortunately, it most often isn ‘ t possible because grief, and the depression that accompanies it, is usually the first part of the healing process. Luckily, grief is only the first step and that there is hope for your future.

So, embrace your grief, feel it and release it. Take care of yourself, do things that make you happy, stay off social media and get yourself out there.

When you are ready, sooner than later I hope, you can let go of your love and reach out for a new one – yourself.

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really be struggling with end of a relationship

Let me help get you there, NOW, before the pain overwhelms you.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

 

Can You Let Go Of Love And Still Find Happiness?

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Are you thinking about getting out of a relationship that isn ‘ t serving you and are you wondering if you can let of love and still find happiness?

It ‘ s a scary thing – letting go of someone. You have invested so much time and energy into the relationship and letting go feels like quitting. There is the intense fear that you will never find love again and the prospect of being alone is petrifying.

But I am here to tell you that you can let go of love and still find happiness.

I did.

8 years ago, I got divorced. I was 46 years old and I had been married for 18 years. I was so scared of my unknown future and wondered if I could find happiness. Here is my story.

#1 – No more thousand little cuts.

One of the first things that I discovered after my husband moved out what how much happier I was on a daily basis.

Every day of my marriage involved some kind of misery. Whether it be him having his 3rddrink after dinner and becoming crabby or me jumping on him for leaving his clothes on the floor AGAIN, we were making each other miserable every single day.

Once I was living alone that stopped happening. I would wake up in the morning and go through a day that wasn ‘ t mired with a thousand little cuts. When I crawled into bed I wasn ‘ t angry and bitter but content with how my day had gone.

And, I would get a good night sleep because no one was next to me snoring.

So, at the very least, know that your daily life will improve if you are no longer in a relationship that is making you unhappy.

#2 – No more being a pretzel.

When I was in my miserable relationship I found myself twisting myself into someone who I wasn ‘ t, hoping to make us happier and keep us married. These contortions made me feel inauthentic and damaged my self-esteem.

Have you ever found yourself putting up with behavior that is not okay just to keep the peace? Do you bend over backwards to do things that will make him happy? Have you given up friends in an attempt to save your relationship?

Twisting ourselves into a pretzel for someone else is not a healthy thing. In order to maintain our sense of self-worth it is important that we do things that make us feel good about ourselves and our place in the world.

When my husband was gone, I was free to truly be myself and, man oh man, did that make me happy.

#3 – Living your own authentic life.

When I was married, I was a wife and a mother. My every day was filled with mundane tasks like keeping the house clean and making dinner. I defined myself as such and it kept me from living my own life.

After my divorce all of that changed. I finally had the freedom to do everything that I had always wanted to do.

I went back to school and got certified as a life coach and I started my own life coaching business, making a difference in the world. I volunteered at the National Alliance of Mental Illness, helping people living with mental illness. I worked at a food bank and volunteered at a hospital.

Every day I woke up and my day was what I wanted it be. And as a result, I started feeling really good about myself. No longer was I being the subject of daily pain or struggling with not being myself. My self-esteem went through the roof and I started to realize that I could do whatever I set my mind to.

How good would it feel to have your life be what you want it to be every day?

#4 – Having grand adventures.

One of the best parts of being alone, for me, was the opportunity to have amazing new life experiences, ones that were so different from those I had had during the time I was married.

I climbed Mt Katahdin in Maine and hiked for 15 days in Peru. I take my kids to the Caribbean every year for Christmas and have 5 glorious, cell phone free days with them.

I started dating and had amazing non-marriage sex and met a bunch of great guys, many of whom I am still friends with.

I sold my big house in Vermont and moved into a 200 sq foot apartment in NYC where every day was an adventure.

I was 46 years old and I was authentically living my life again. I felt truly alive and was getting to know myself in a way that I never had before. What a gift.

#5 – Finding true love.

I spent 6 years dating after my divorce. I enjoyed almost every date (but did walk out on one) and had many amazing boyfriends. One took me hiking in Moab. I road-tripped with one to Telluride and with another to help hurricane victims in Louisiana. I capsized a sailboat with one of my favorite guys on Lake Champlain and later test drove $80,000 Audis just for fun.

But, the best guy I met, on Match.com, was a person who has become one of my closest friends and the person who introduced me to the love of my life.

I was brutally unhappy in my marriage but determined to stick it out because I didn ‘ t want to get divorced and, when it ended, I was devastated. But, if it hadn ‘ t ended, I wouldn ‘ t be living the glorious life that I am with a man who loves and values me, who doesn ‘ t cause me little bits of pain every day, who I laugh and have adventures with and who knows who he is and loves who we are.

I want to assure you that, if you can let go of a love that isn ‘ t serving you, you will find love again. I can also promise you that, if you stay with this person who is making you miserable, you definitely won ‘ t.

I hope that my story has answered whether you can you let go of love and still find happiness.

I have this little game I play when standing in line at the grocery store. I look at the faces of the women in line and try to judge, based on their facial expressions, those women who are in an unhappy relationship and those who aren ‘ t. It ‘ s very easy to tell, believe it or not, especially now that I look in the mirror every day and know what a happy woman looks like.

So, believe that you can find happiness if you are strong enough to walk away from a relationship that isn ‘ t serving you. I am living proof and you can be too!

Go for it!

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really be struggling with end of a relationship.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before the pain overwhelms you.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

5 Mistakes that People Make After A Breakup

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There are so many mistakes that people make after a breakup.

The pain and change that happens quickly after a breakup often throws people off balance so that they do things that they might not otherwise do.

And those mistakes can cause huge problems both with your ex and your self-esteem.

Trying not to make them will allow the healing to start sooner so that you can get on with your life and be happy.

What kind of mistakes?

#1 – Seeking closure.

One of the biggest mistakes that people make after a breakup is that they seek ‘ ˜closure. ‘

While ‘ ˜closure ‘ can be explained away as a final chance to talk about what happened and leave on good terms, really, closure is really just one more chance to spend time with your soon-to-be-ex and perhaps talk them into being with you again.

I can promise you that spending even one more moment dwelling on what happened and begging your person to take you back will backfire. If your person has broken up with you and you convince him to take you back, chances are it will all happen all over again, sooner or later. Furthermore, prostrating yourself at the feet of your ex, begging him to give you one more chance, will only damage your self-esteem.

I believe that, if someone breaks up with you, seeking closure is only going to drag out the inevitable. So, rant and cry for a bit but then hold your head high and don ‘ t let him know that you are hurting.

#2 – Extensive snooping.

One of the biggest issues with social media is the havoc that it wreaks after break-ups.

In the old days, when a couple parted ways, unless the circumstances were unusual, they rarely or never saw each other again. They didn ‘ t know the intimate details of each other ‘ s life as they went on with their own.

Now, unfortunately, everything is different.

When couples break up these days, part of the break-up means blocking or unfollowing each other on social media. And, unfortunately, this often doesn ‘ t happen fast enough.

I have a client who left her boyfriend because he was a mess. They agreed to ‘ ˜remain friends ‘ and kept up their social media accounts. My client still loved her boyfriend, even though she left him, and she found herself drawn to his social media accounts regularly. This wasn ‘ t an issue in the beginning but once he found another girlfriend it became a real problem.

She would waste hours stalking her ex and his new girlfriend on social media – extremely jealous that he seemed to be doing so much better with someone else. Thinking that some other girl had a better version of him made her crazy. Her self-esteem was in the gutter.

And then I reminded her that people only post their best things on social media. They don ‘ t post the fights or the posturing or the doubts. What she was seeing was a curated version of her ex ‘ s relationship. Understanding this allowed her to end her social media connection with him and begin to truly move on.

#3 – Moving on too quickly.

Another huge mistake that people make after a breakup is that they move on too fast.

I know that your heart is broken and that you desperately want to pull the pieces back together again and the best way to do that, you think, is to find someone else.

Don ‘ t get me wrong, I definitely believe that people should get back on the horse quickly after a relationship fail but I think that it ‘ s very important to take some time and reflect on what happened. Jumping back into a new relationship before you have done so will mean that you might repeat the same mistakes again.

So, take some time and be alone. It ‘ s important to cry and feel your feelings and process with your girlfriends. Gain some understanding into what happened and make sure that history doesn ‘ t repeat itself.

#4 – Staying in contact.

Have you and your ex agreed to ‘ ˜be friends? ‘ Do you want to set an example for other people that people can break up and remain friends? Good for you but, I am afraid, it ‘ s mostly impossible to do so.

When people are romantically involved and break up, especially if it ‘ s one sided, being friends just isn ‘ t possible. The person who is broken up with will use that friendship as an excuse to stay connected with their person and hope for a reunion. The breaker up could get frustrated with their ex ‘ s clinginess and connection and might push them away or even ghost them.

If you would honestly like to be friends with your ex someday, as I am with many of mine, first take some time to get past the end of the relationship and get out into the world. Staying in contact them now will only serve to slow down your healing.

#5 – Holding on to what could be.

Two things that I hear over and over and over after a break up is that they wish that things could be back to the way they were at the beginning and that they wish their person could be the person they know they can be. Wishing for these things will only drive you bonkers.

The beginning of a relationship is a magical time. Hours are spent sharing your deepest thoughts, your heart races whenever you see them and the chemistry is crazy. Unfortunately, maintaining the chemically induced excitement of the early part of a relationship is simply impossible.

Even people in long term, happy relationships no longer have those crazy feelings about each other. Their chemical draw has settled and they move into a more comfortable, loving relationship.

Furthermore, many people hold onto their exes because they focus on what their partner could be. My client who had to break up with her beau because he was a mess saw the long-term potential in him, especially if she just loved him enough. Unfortunately, holding on to someone because of what they could be will only be an exercise in futility. You can ‘ t save or change someone and trying to will only hurt you more.

So, if you are longing for the early days to return or know your person can change, know that neither will happen and take steps to move on.

There are so many mistakes that people make after a breakup so know that you aren ‘ t alone.

Break-ups are painful and the need for the pain to go away makes people do things that are not self-serving.

Make every effort to resist seeking closure and extensive snooping, don ‘ t stay in contact or move on too quickly. And, importantly, understand that things will never go back to the way there were and you can ‘ t make your person into the person you think they can be.

I know that you want to find love – we all do! If you can avoid making these common mistakes then you will be able to move on quickly and find the love that you have always been seeking.

You can do it!

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really be struggling with end of a relationship

Let me help get you there, NOW, before the pain overwhelms you.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

Feeling Depressed All The Time? How To Know When It’s Time To Get Help

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Are you feeling depressed all the time? Are you not enjoying your life? Do you wish that things could be different?

Are your friends are telling you that it will pass. To snap out of it. But you are wondering if you can? Are you wondering if it ‘ s time to ask for help?

There are ways to tell if seeking help for your depression is the right thing for you.

#1 – Can you get out of bed or off the coach?

How much time do you spend on the couch or in bed? You aren’t necessarily tired but the prospect of getting up is just too daunting to face. So, you stay horizontal all day, watching Netflix and feeling like a loser.

This habit is a significant indicator of depression. People who have been diagnosed with depression tell of the great lengths they go to stay out of bed. Of stripping the sheets, taking the mattress off of the box spring and leaning it against the wall, locking the bedroom door. Whatever it takes to keep them out of bed and wallowing in their depression.

If you are feeling depressed all the time and finding that your bed is your favorite and safest place then it might definitely time to get help.

#2 – Do you still do the things you love?

Have you lost interest in doing the things that you have always loved?

Does the idea of going to school or seeing friends or going out to dinner just seem like too much to bear?

People who are feeling depressed all the isolate themselves. The energy that it takes to get out of bed and interact with others is overwhelming. So, they don’t.

Ironically, going out and doing the things that you love is a great way to alleviate depression temporarily. Unfortunately, the treatment can often seem too daunting to undertake and so people who are depressed just stay home.

If you are isolating yourself then it might definitely be time to seek help.

#3 -Are you feeling hopeless and full of dread?

Do you spend much of your time running all sorts of negative thoughts through your head about how horrible your life is? What a loser you are and how no one will ever love you? Are you 100% confident that this will never change?

People who are depressed believe that all of the negative thoughts that run through their head. Unfortunately, they also believe, falsely, that it will always be this way!

The truth is is that when one is depressed things can only seem hopeless because when one ‘ s mind is in such a bad place it ‘ s impossible to believe that the future will be any different.

The good news is that once the depression is addressed that feeling of hopelessness can disappear completely so perhaps it ‘ s time to get help!

#4 – Are you impatient or quick to anger?

Do you find yourself losing your patience with those you love? Do you scream at your kids if their homework doesn’t get done? Do you sneer at your husband if he asks you what is wrong? Can you not even talk to your mom anymore because her incessant questioning is just too much?

Impatience with those you love is a huge indicator of depression. The sense of the hopelessness that our condition will never change and that we are worthless makes it intolerable for us to interact with others, particularly those who love us and want the best for us.

Ironically, it is that love exactly that we need most in our life when we suffer from depression. Pushing that love away ultimately can make the depression worse.

If you are finding yourself pushing away those you love it ‘ s time to get help.

#5 – Are you eating and sleeping?

Have you found that recently your appetite has changed? Do you find yourself indulging more than usual in Ben and Jerry ‘ s and Oreos? Or do you find that you have no taste for food at all? Have you lost weight and find yourself listless because you aren’t eating?

Are you having trouble sleeping? Do you stay up all night watching TV or roll around in bed thinking about terrible things?

Changes in eating patterns can indicate depression. When depression goes untreated, we can self-medicate with food, often to one extreme or another. Which is not healthy and can make it all worse.

Furthermore, not sleeping will only make your depression worse. Sleep deprivation can have more of an effect on one ‘ s health than anyone else.

If you are struggling with eating and/or sleeping then you are definitely depressed and it might be time to get treated.

Feeling depressed all the time is not good and the longer it goes untreated the worse it can get.

Unfortunately, we hate to admit to being depressed because our loved ones, and society as a whole, tend to stigmatize those with depression.

So, ask yourself if you have any of the symptoms above. If you do, seek professional help immediately. Call your primary care provider and tell her exactly how you have been feeling, using this article as a reference if you like. Treating depression is easy. Living with it is not.

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really be struggling with feeling depressed all the time.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before the pain overwhelms you.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

How To Prevent A Toxic Relationship From Ruining Your Life

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Are you in a toxic relationship? Are you struggling big time and recognizing that this relationship is ruining your life?

Many of us are in toxic relationships, ones we can ‘ t escape, ones that are keeping us from living our full lives, from living and loving and being our best self.

We only have one life to live and we need to make sure that we live it to the fullest, even if we are in a toxic relationship that is holding us back.

How?

#1 – Love yourself.

Many of us who are in toxic relationship believe that we are not worthy and are full of self-hatred.

Years of being berated by our partner, told that we are worthless and stupid and total losers, has taken a huge toll on our self-esteem. Furthermore, we know that we have stayed in this relationship, even though we are being abused, and that erodes our self-confidence even more.

It is important that, if we are in a toxic relationship that is ruining our life, we make an effort to love ourselves. That we set goals for ourselves and stick to them. That we take care of ourselves, getting exercise and eating right. That we practice self-care – whether it be a massage or a walk in the woods.

Most importantly, it is essential that we spend time with people who love us. Who remind us about how wonderful we really are. Who support us in every way and help us navigate the world no matter what.

If you are stuck in a toxic relationship, make an effort to love yourself every day. You deserve it.

#2 – Don ‘ t take all the blame.

I know that you have been told over and over that everything that is wrong in your relationship is all your fault. I know that you believe that if you were only more patient or gave them more sex or made them happier everything would be fine.

Let me tell you that this just isn ‘ t true. There are two people in every relationship so, yes, you shoulder some of the blame but it ‘ s definitely not all on you, no matter what you have been told.

Managing self-blame, recognizing that it is a false premise, will help you to love yourself and make you stronger in a relationship. It will allow you to take some power back so that you can not only survive but thrive as you live your life.

#3 – Get help.

Many of us who are struggling in toxic relationships are ashamed and, therefore, go it alone. Even if we are aware that we need help, we hesitate to reach out for it because of our shame and self-blame. We fear being judged and we don ‘ t see what kind of help could make a difference.

Asking for help is the best way to survive a toxic relationship before it ruins your life. Even though we women are strong, even the strongest of us need help when we are feeling desperate.

So, reach out to someone who can help and support you. Your priest, your doctor, your psychiatrist, your life coach, your lawyer or your family. Get help understanding what your options are as far as this relationship – what you need to do to keep your life together in spite of the pain.

#4 – Leave.

You are probably scoffing at me right now. Yeah, right you are thinking. And I get that.

I know that it seems like you could never leave this relationship. That you still love this person. That you have put so much time into it that walking away seems stupid. That you don ‘ t believe in giving up and want to keep trying. Whatever the reasons are, leaving seems untenable.

Leaving is ALWAYS an option. Your life is short, too short to waste in a relationship that is making you unhappy.

If physical fear is holding you back, there are groups out there that can help you escape from your toxic relationship. If fear about what the future holds is what is keeping you stuck, consider what would be better – the ways things are now or how things could be if you were free.

There are always options for women stuck in toxic relationships. Seek out the help you need to make it happen.

#5 – Have hope.

I know that right now you are feeling trapped. That your every day is filled with unhappiness and, perhaps, fear. You wonder if you can ever leave this relationship, ever be happy again.

I am here to tell you that it is more than possible to find happiness in your life. That you too can feel good about yourself, find a love that will make you happy and live the life that you have always wanted.

I have this game I play. I look at women in line at the grocery store and try to figure out which of them are single and which are in an unhappy relationship. I can always tell the difference. Women who are in toxic relationships seems to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. They look grim and gray and unhappy. They are living with a toxic relationship and it is sucking the life out of them.

When you look at women who are single, who have escaped a relationship that makes them unhappy, you see an air about them of lightness and peace. Even though they are alone, for now, they know that life is theirs for the taking.

And women who carry a lightness and peace, who are self-confident after taking the steps to leave a relationship that doesn ‘ t feed them, who have let go of self-blame and have people to support them, are women who will find love and happiness. Love and happiness that will help them live the life they have always wanted.

Being in a toxic relationship can destroy your life.

Women who are unhappy can struggle at work, aren ‘ t the best mothers they can be, lose friends and have trouble with their mental and physical health.

If you are in a toxic relationship, work hard to love yourself, work to let go of self-blame, get help, around leaving if you need it, and have faith that you can be happy. That you can find a love that feeds you and that you can live your very best life.

You can do it! I know it ‘ ¦

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really be struggling with surviving a toxic marriage.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before the pain overwhelms you.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

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